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// Epilogue: Ready For A Stiff Drink 
// Story: The Misdemeanor Private Detective Agency 
// by Myriad of Failure 
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	"So it was the son?"

"Yeah..."

"And the whole company was breaking the law?"

"Hmm."

"... Not bad for three days work." Orion raised an eyebrow to me. We weren't trying to do any training tonight. I was too tired - and I had finally been to the doctors. I did crack a rib. Technically, one sparkly unicorn spell later and it was fixed - no need to rest for several weeks - so if we had wanted to train we could have done. To be honest, I think Orion was feeling a little bit guilty for cracking it in the first place. Not that he had tried to apologise or anything...

"I can't decide if I prefer three days of panic, or a full week of sentry duty..." I took a sip from the bottle we were sharing. It was only a cheap bottle of cider, seeing as my friend was on sentry duty tonight. No self-respecting Night Guard would ever turn up to work drunk. Some disrespectful ones have, though... I have a vague memory of being one of them, once... "Actually, no - I'd rather let a manticore chew my face off than do sentry duty."

Orion took the bottle from me and took a swig. "I seem to remember that actually happened... you know when we were a-"

"I remember." I replied curtly. It had taken ages for the bite marks to fade. There was still a small group of uneven lumps on my cheek where it had caught me - not that you could see them under the navy fur. Or my mane. I subconsciously rubbed a hoof to them.

Beside me, the tall bat pony stretched. He had only just woken up, greeted by the setting Sun and a very exhausted mare carrying a celebratory bottle of cider. The Sun was taking its merry time tonight, and had only just ducked the horizon. We were bathing ourselves in the first rays of moonlight, sat on the roof of the Royal Guard's barracks. Luckily for us, it had stopped raining by now. That didn't stop the roof tiles from being wet, but I was too tired to worry about a soggy rump.

"You were always a good guard," he reminisced, "nopony could beat you in aerial combat - except Ghoul, of course."

"I bet they could now." I leaned so that I was lying on by back, gazing up at the darkening skies. Every ache and pain from the last few days had decided to keep me company that night. "You did - you cracked my rib. And that officer the other night; he might not have beaten me, but I certainly didn't win."

"Officer Cadaver..." Orion smirked, "you know, we all think he's the worst officer - too fond of the rules. You should have beaten him easily."

"Yeah, well - maybe..." I looked away from him. "I had other things on my mind." I studied a hoof intently, trying to disguise my hurt pride. "Anyway, I left before I ever reached promotion. I'm just one of the standard soldiers - no reason to be better than an officer."

"No, Nocturne, you're a highly successful private detective who just solved a murder case without help."

"The only true things in that sentence are that I'm a private detective, and that I accidentally uncovered a murderer." 

"Well, it's what the papers are saying..." Orion teased. I heard the rustle of paper, and was unable to resit taking a look. In his hooves was a newspaper with a large picture of me on the front, looking very focused and - though I do say so myself - intelligently attractive. The headline was: Private Detective Successfully Surpasses Police.

"Where did you get that?"

"Ghoul brought it in. He showed it straight to Cadaver and asked, 'is this the mare that beat you up?'" We laughed. I had known Ghoul since we joined the Guard, resulting in various hilarious situations - none of which our superiors had approved of. I hadn't spoken to him for ages...

"How is Ghoul?" I asked once we were in control of our laughter again.

"Doing well - he's just got engaged to one of Princess Luna's personal assistants. Apparently, she's a nice unicorn with a good sense of humour."

"She'll need it," I quipped back. The idea of my old friends starting to marry and settle down made me feel a little weird. Surely it was still too soon for that? I mean, we were all young and reckless and irresponsible, weren't we? A sensible portion of my brain reminded me that several years had passed since we were juvenile recruits. The aches in my body told me that I wasn't as fit as I used to be.

I told them all to shut up and go away.

My friend folded up the paper and laid it back down, though couldn't resist one small dig. "You had better be careful - all of this publicity might get ponies thinking that you are good detectives. Somepony might try and hire more than once in a blue moon."

"I'll brace myself for the imminent work load..." I replied sarcastically. Nevertheless, I snatched up the newspaper to see what they had written about me. Further down the page they did actually mention The Misdemeanour Private Detective Agency. "Conny probably doesn't know that I've already solved the case."

Orion nodded back, adding slowly, "You know the money the widow paid you...?"

"Yes..." I waited for him to continue reluctantly. I didn't like it when he used that tone of voice - it always made me feel nervous.

"Have you used it pay the rent yet?"

"No - I thought I'd use it to buy a life-sized replica of the Moon..." I hit him playfully. "Of course I paid it!" Snorting, I was glad that was all he was hinting at. "It was the first thing I did." It was about the only thing I could do with it - Lady Grace certainly hadn't put much in those cheques. I needed to have a chat with Conundrum about our fees, hinting to the fact that rich clients could be charged more than our usual fee - three bits an a nice bottle of red was only suitable payment for rescuing a cat from a particularly nasty tree. 

Looking down to the training fields, I noticed some soldiers were already filing out. "You'll be on duty soon."

"Hmm," he ran a hoof through his mane and looked over in the direction of the Castle, "I think I'd rather face a manticore tonight, too. Sentry duty is so dull. I was promised that I'd be spared from it - as an officer."

"Obviously all of the regulars don't have the patience to complete the task. They need somepony with experience."

"I have too much experience..." Orion took a second to gaze at me contemplatively, "Actually, I'm going back on what I said earlier. You were an awful guard. You couldn't follow drills, you fell asleep on duty, and you questioned every decision. It's a miracle they didn't throw you out." His golden eyes sparked in the fading light. "You were a good fighter and you had a knack for surviving stupid tricks, that was about it."

"... Thanks?" I frowned. "Somehow, I think you still insulted me there."

"You're better off as a hopeless detective who doesn't get paid enough to buy decent cider."

I hit Orion for that. He hit me back. I threw what was left of the cider over him. He grabbed the bottle and threw it back at me. I knew who was worse off.

"Oi!" A voice called below us. Looking down the building, we spotted one of the Day Guard poking his head out of an upper-floor window. We shuffled back quickly before he could see us properly. "Some of us are trying to sleep - but you two keep thunking around like a pair of buffalo!"

"I think he just called us fat."

"And he's blaspheming against Princess Luna - how dare he sleep through this glorious night?"

"We should punish him..." I declared, just loud enough for the unicorn to hear.

"Upside down from the guard tower by his pyjamas?" Orion suggested the old trick.

"Good enough for me."

"Hey!" The colt cried out again, straining to get a better look at us. "Are you going to listen to me? I am a Junior Captain! You have to - oof! - hey! Put me down! Where are you taking me? Do you know who I am?"

"Don't worry, sunshine," Orion drawled slowly, carrying the junior captain's fore-hooves, "we'll put you back in a minute..."

"Anyway - we're taking you somewhere nice..." I reassured him, readjusting my hold over his hind-legs. He was ]suspended upside down between us, rocking angrily. 

"I'll report you to the Captain!" He cried.

"Will you now?" My accomplice's smile glinted in the moonlight. "Funny that - I'm quite good friends with the Captain... Shadow's a pretty good stallion..."

"Captain Shadow? I mean... oh..." The colt managed to move his neck to get a proper look at us. The fear in his eyes was priceless. 

"How are you with heights?" I asked, making sure that, even in the silver light, he could see the glint in my eyes and the fangs in my smile.