//------------------------------// // 11 Timebomb // Story: Lyra-7% // by Meep the Changeling //------------------------------// Lyra Heartstrings - 13th of Faust 1,312 Classical Era - Noon Multiverse Location: Equestria, Equis #0???? - The Prime (Distant Past) The hell was back. The silver enclosed hell of absolutly fuck all to do. Spending the previous night gaming with Luna had been a mistake. Not that it wasn’t fun as hell, after a few games of chess she’d talked me into doing a remake of Doom’s co-op campaign. That had been a blast! Thing was, yeah… The energy to do all that had to come from somewhere. In this case my gut, and I hadn’t eaten in awhile. Few days come to think of it. Calories, the bane of biotech gamers everywhere. Needless to say, I couldn’t do much more than be hungry and stare at the silver tent walls right now. And right now was completely goddamn silent! Starswirl had gone out to pick up the last deely bopper needed to make the spell of not-die for me. Moonbutt and Celestia were out training with their mother for the day. So the whatever was outside this foil envelope was completely silent. Aside from the sounds of something bubbling at least. Oh mysterious bubbling thing which smells of cantaloupe and dark chocolate, with a hint of rose. What are you? Are you lunch? I could go for some lunch. “Oh my god, I need to think of something other than food!” I exclaimed loud enough to make Bon ‘jump’ and look at me in surprise. “Oh come on! You’ve seen me eat multiple times every day,” I accused. “Not all of us can have a rabbit once a month and be totally good.” Bon gave me a look which I swore was a deadpan, before actual rolling her eyes! While not a zoologist I knew that snake eyes did not roll like that. I wanted to question how she did that, but it wasn’t like she could speak, and well, answers had to be coming soon right? My thoughts were shattered as Bon reached over to my belt, sniffed at the pouches on my left side, opened one with her mouth, and took out one of my kit’s two ration bars which I had literally completely forgot about. “... Whelp, I’m stupid,” I said decisively as Bon held the bar in her mouth with the deadpan stare resumed. I took the bar from her mouth and opened the packaging, unclasping my helmet’s faceplate with the other. I couldn’t help but realize that I had been making a lot of dumb decisions the last few days. I also hadn’t had a bite the last few days. That hadn’t been a problem before, military mods should let me go for three days without food. Wait no, that hadn’t been mods, that was the combat stims. God damnit Lyra! You need to remember to eat more, the suit’s only half the equation here. I’d gotten through the first two bites of the chalky food substitute nutrient bar when a door somewhere off behind me creaked open and hoof steps clicked against the floor. “Starswirl?” I asked, mouth somewhat full. “Clover,” the wizard’s wife politely corrected. “He hasn’t gotten you out of that thing yet?” “No, he said he had to pick up a… Um… Mystical sounding thing I can’t remember, cuz my VI’s too low on energy to run right now,” I explained, poorly. “VI?” Clover asked curiously. “Ah yes! Luna mentioned that, an integrated assistant… How do you recharge it? Can I get one?” “Eating food,” I explained. “Runs on calories, haven’t eaten in a few days now so-” “What?!” Clover shouted. “That bearded idiot didn’t think to feed you!? How can you be absent minded you future seeing old coot!” “Uh…” I said, not wanting to push the ‘marital spat is a go’ button. “Let me get you something to eat,” Clover more ordered than asked. “It’s cool, I got a ration bar. I forgot I had it,” I said not wanting her to go through any trouble. With an explosive flash of dark green magic a short very plain looking white and black speckled mare in a burlap hooded cloak teleported into my tent. She eyed the bar, sniffed it, recoiled, and exclaimed, “That’s not food! That’s concentrated hatred!” I sputtered and scooted backwards from Clover. “Shit! Warn a girl before you just fucking appear like that!” “How can you even eat that…” Clover’s yellow eyes narrowed, flashing with arcane light for a second. “That’s dried algae! Why would you put that in your mouth!? Wait... Is that what your species is supposed to eat?” “No, but it keeps you from dieing and real food is super expensive. You can’t vat grow it… Taste isn’t too bad,” I grunted, deciding to let the teleport go. It was probably like the clothing thing. Ponies probably just expected unicorns to teleport. Clover leaned in, actually fucking licked an unwrapped section of the bar, immediately went green, and teleported again. Judging by the sound of her retching, she’d literally teleported away just in time to avoid puking on me. “Ugh… It tastes like hate too…” She groaned. I wanted to laugh at the instant fucking karma, but well, that karma was good enough. Serves you right for licking someone else food bitch! “Yeah so, gonna ask you to just not do that again and let me eat,” I said, wiping the bar clean on my flight suit's leg before taking another bite. A zap and sizzling sound caught my attention, prompting me to turn and…see more foil wall. Yay… “So happy Celestia invented a cleaning spell,” Clover muttered. “As for you, throw that garbage away. I’m getting you some food! Herbivore or omnivore?” “You really don’t need to-” “Yes I do! You are a guest in my house and I won't have you eating…that.” Clover adamantly insisted. “Herbivore or omnivore?” “Carnivore,” I said snarkily. Seriously, how do you know I don’t just eat meat? “Really? With those teeth? Don’t be my husband,” Colver scolded. “Omnivore,” I sighed. “Look you really don’t have to trouble yourself with-” “I’m millennia old. Taking a few minutes to help someone is literally nothing to me. Now toss that wad of hate aside and get ready for proper bucking food!” Clover ordered in a voice reminiscent of a Drill Sergeant. “Ma’am, yes ma’am!” I snapped reflexively. God damnit… Make it up to Captain, still snap to attention for the Sarge… Damn you, Pavlov! I heard the distinct pop of a teleport spell, twice infact. One to my left, one from up the stairs. I had just enough time to wonder about the science behind instant transmission of objects before Clover appeared again, the flash of light reflecting off the sides of my tent rather blindingly. “Behold! Actual food,” Clover said, her aura holding the best looking sandwich in the world! Dark brown bread, with some sort of red and brown sauces slathered over bits of finely shredded meat, bits of some other light bread and darker specks of meat, and some kind of mushy white paste. It looked weird, but it smelled like heaven. “I don’t care why you have meat, that looks too amazing to question!” I exclaimed, practically snatching the sandwich from her. “It’s a griffon recipe, we have some of their mages come to call from time to time,” Clover explained, sitting down. “Excuse me Miss Snake. Also, since Pegasi need a little meat, we keep it in stock. You can have all you like, I believe there’s…turkey and sausage, pork sausage, and it’s mixed in there with cornbread, potatoes, and- Oh! You’re not allergic to cranberries, are you?” “No idea, never had them. For that matter, what the hell is a turkey?” I asked, taking the first bite of- Literal actual heaven! Holy shit! The phrase better than sex wasn’t bullshitting. It was a real thing! Clover chuckled. “That’s about the reaction I expected for someone who's used to that slime. Care for some lunchtime conversation? Or perhaps a drink?” “Uh… Oh shit, when was the last time I drank anything?” I exclaimed to myself. Ohhhh shit. At Miyuki's. Literally more than two days ago. Sweet fucking physics! No wonder I wasn’t thinking at fucking all! “Soooo I’m definitely dehydrated,” I admitted as Clover conjured a green glass bottle to my side in a flash of dark green. “Drink up, don’t worry, it’s non-alcoholic. Also the glowing is normal and safe,” she instructed casually. “Sandwich first,” I decided, tearing into the mound of goodness like the appropriate metaphor. Clover shook her head. “I pity your species. Good food is essential to good living. Now then, you’ve been stuck in here for some time, would you prefer we take this conversation to the table?” “Can’t leave the tent,” I grunted around the sandwich of the gods, “suit’s ripped.” Clover facehooved hard enough for me to hear a clunk. “He didn’t fix your suit!?” “... You’re fucking shitting me. That was an option!?” I demanded angrily. “I thought you wanted to be in there! I- I’m going to smack the crap out of and then back into that doofus!” Clover swore angrily. “I know that a long term solution to the problem with transmutation is best, but he didn’t even think you might want to move around- Urrrgh!” Clover groaned and held her head in her hooves. “Excuse my husband’s idiocy. He gets far too wrapped up in what could be and what would be best to think about the little things sometimes. Where’s your suit damaged?” I turned my leg so she could see the rip. Clover’s horn glowed as small sparks of dark green magic danced across the rip, forcing the synthetic material to flow back together as if it were healing flesh. “Huh… For a simple charm that took quite a bit of energy. What sort of fabric is this made from?” Clover asked conversationally. “About forty different synthetic materials laminated into a single sheet. No idea exactly what, but it’s radiation shielded, so yeah… It can absorb and deflect a lot of high energy particles,” I said, finishing off the last bite of sandwich. “Mmm, yes that would do it,” Clover said with a nod only to look up at me with surprise as I finished the sandwich. “Oh! My that was fast. You must be very hungry. Do you need another?” “I’m twice your size… Sorta makes that into a half portion,” I pointed out. “Ah, yes. One moment,” Clover warned, vanishing in a burst of light yet again. A heartbeat later she returned, presenting another sandwich, which was identical to the first one. Literally. “How-” I began. “Enchanted bottomless box of sandwiches,” Clover said proudly. “Okay. How-” “Wizard,” she explained. “Fair enough,” I decided, tearing into the fresh sandwich. “I’m going to go out on a limb here and say you’re probably sick of being asked questions about your home,” Clover said as she gave Bon a scritch behind her head with one hoof. “Is there anything about these lands you wish to know? You won't find a more knowledgeable scholar anywhere.” “Not even your husband?” I asked. She smiled. “He was my apprentice a long time ago. I have ages more first-hoof knowledge than he does… For history at least. He’s only surpassed me in some schools.” I nodded slowly, thinking back on any questions I had. “Well, do you know what’s up with Bon?” “Not yet, I will by this evening. I promise. I simply need more time for a potion to finish brewing so I can finish analyzing the wild magics at work here,” Clover said in a similar tone to a computer programmer explaining, ‘shit just takes time’. Deciding not to press for an answer there, I searched for anything else. “Alright, could you help me find where I need to go to return this to it’s owner?” I asked tapping the VM on it’s side. Clover nodded, giving me an apologetic look. “I could. However, Starswirl and I talked it over last night. While we could send you to your destination he is very insistent that you do it on your own. If we were to allow you to arrive via shortcut, many things which should be, won’t be.” “Seriously?!” I asked incredulously, jaw dropping. “You could help but you won't because tampering with the way of the world?” “No,” Clover said firmly. “We will not help because your journey, should you succeed, will not consume your life. And along the way, your actions, should you not fail, will mean great and important things to those you encounter. “Sure, it’s not like you have to do this on your own to prevent the end of the world. But if we sent you where you wish to go, not only would you miss out on a valuable experience, but the lives of several others would be objectively worse. And if I am any judge of character… You’re enjoying your travels, are you not?” Fuck. She had me there. “Yeah,” I sighed, “I am… But still, it’s kinda frustrating to know someone can help but won’t.” “We’re enabling you to breath freely,” Clover pointed out. “Yeah, but-” “And I’m giving you a box of sandwiches,” Clover added. “Wait, you are?” I asked eagerly. “Of course I am! It would be decidedly evil to send you along with only those foul things to eat,” Clover laughed. “Are we even?” I bit my lip in thought and nodded my head. “Yeah, but only because these things are amazingly good.” “Excellent, but really, those were not the sort of questions I thought you might have. You find yourself in another world and you only want to know about personal things… This doesn't seem like the sort of things a dimensional traveler would want to know. There has to be something about this place that interests you?” Clover prompted. “Well, yeah. There is,” I admitted, her prompt having gotten my mind in the right place to remember a few things. “Luna was talking about a war, and after I said I was a soldier, she asked me if I was a changeling. I guess that means the war was between you guys and them. What was it over? Territory? Resources? Because fuck you?” Clover’s ears drooped sadly, “I… No, I did say anything. Very well. You have a unique opportunity to learn something few of my kind know, and that almost none would believe.” I opened the bottle Clover had given me earlier. From the sound of her tone, this was going to be good. “There are none alive who know changelings as well as I do,” Clover began. “This is not a boast, I have seen everything from the fall of The Overmind, to the rise of their current empire, to the end of this last crusade. First hoof even, because I’m the one who sent their overmind to tartarus. Their empire exists because of me… Which puts this war on my head, but sadly it was not within my power to stop.” I flinched. “Ah geez, I didn’t mean to bring something like that up! You don’t have to-” “No, I think I’d rather talk about it to someone,” Clover said shaking her head slowly. “Many say this war happened simply because changelings feed on emotions, and as such they must prey on others to survive. That’s partially true, a little of this about food. But that’s not the reason they crusade. “Others insist it must be because their tropical empire is freezing over, for whatever reason. They are being driven from their home just as ponykind was once driven from theirs. This is also untrue, changelings do not mind the cold… Though other species do, and changelings need other species to survive. “The crusade was also not simply because they hate us, like what the King wishes his vassals to believe. Yes, changelings hate many elements of pony culture. But they are not so mindless as to strike out simply for hate’s sake. The things they hate about us are merely an excuse.” “Then what’s the real reason?” I prompted, hoping to avoid what sounded like the start of a fourteen hour long old person ramble. “Anguish,” Clover said bitterly. “To be a changeling is to live a life filled with anguish, depression, and feelings of crippling isolation. That’s why they gather in hives, thousands strong, and call said hives a unified family. It’s why all changelings are perfectly loyal to their hive’s queen. To try and capture even the barest shred of happiness, a changeling devotes themselves wholeheartedly to their hive and their queen… And for the common castes, that works. “But, the Queens themselves are also changelings. They too suffer from the soul crushing loneliness. But unlike their underlings, they have no one to turn to. They have both the burden of ruling over countless lives, and the pain of being alone through that. While you or I would simply make a friend amongst your own hive… Well, the current queens are simply fools stuck in tradition and plagued by elitism. “They don’t even befriend one another. Instead they work in a polite rivalry… The queens are a mess. Trust me, not a one of them is what you would call a good person. But they are intelligent, competitive, cunning… And bitter hate filled shells. All because they refuse to accept what changelings truly are and live a healthy lifestyle. So, they seek out things to unleash their anger upon. And so, we have the Crusades.” “That’s a pretty big problem… But it sounds like you could solve it by killing the Queens. Their replacements would probably do better,” I said thoughtfully. “If a changeling Queen could be easily killed, then I would have ended the war myself,” Clover said agreeingly. “Unfortunately, that’s not the case. I was only able to stop their overmind by clever manipulation and cunning trickery. They won't ever trust me again.” “Wait! I can get how a wizard is basically immortal, but from the sounds of things, are changelings immortal too?” I asked. “Far from it,” Clover dismissed with a hoof wave. “Queens simply do not suffer from age’s ravagings. Their bodies remain at their prime, but illness and injury can slay them all the same. The other castes live far shorter lives, less than a third of a pony’s life on average. “It’s much like ants. I have a pet ant colony, their queen is forty years old and seems quite fine… Perhaps it’s simply an insect thing for the drones to die in mere years while the queen endures. Regardless, those thirteen individuals are very hard to destroy. I have a plan of attack for achieving their end, but well… It’s not something to discuss with a stranger. No offense.” “None taken,” I said taking a swig of the shockingly sweet, soda like drink. “So then, you claim to know what changelings really are even though they don’t. What are they? How do they not know?” Clover smiled. “I do. It’s sad really. I tried to tell them, but well, they do not trust me any longer. I got the knowledge straight from the overmind too. It didn’t mean for me to learn it either, this is something I only know from defeating it in a psychic duel and shattering it’s willpower into tiny fragments. “The changeling’s misery is the result of one simple thing, they are not living as they are designed to.” I raised an eyebrow. “Is that word choice important?” “Very,” Clover insisted. “They are not natural creatures, not to say they are artificial, but their species was created. They did not come forth from the earth like all other creatures. No, changelings were created via some means in a time so long ago it feels ancient even to me. “They were made for a purpose, and as they live now, they can not fulfill that purpose. So they are miserable. Honestly, it makes perfect sense when you think about it. Though it might not be obvious until you are told… “Changelings are designed to be the perfect companion. A changeling needs only some water and the love of another to live, they can take any physical shape one might desire, and they live to serve. No naturally formed creature would ever work that way, nature is too…violent. It would never produce a creature which requires the affection of sapient life as food.” I triple blinked. Bioengineered species I understood, but. “Wait, you mean they literally eat emotion? How the flying fuck does that even work!?” “No idea,” Clover grumbled. “If I could just work that out, I would. Well, without getting too angry at my own failures to discover the exact mechanism anyway. I can assure you that they really only need emotional energy to survive. A changeling can directly take it, or passively absorb it. Direct is dangerous without a strong emotional bond, passive does not provide them with much to eat. Unless there is… Umm... Fresh made love nearby,” Clover finished with an embarrassed cough. “I don’t even remotely know how you would go about designing a creature like that,” I said shaking my head. “That’s way beyond my college Bioforming class’s scope.” Clover’s eyes widened immensely. “Your species can create life!?” “Yeah, it’s one of our most useful technologies,” I said with a proud smile. “Hell, I’m not natural. I’m rocking the Human Three-point-oh platform, with all the improvements and upgrades that brings. But yeah, humans create and modify lifeforms to suit our needs.” “Is there any way your people might have-” I shook my head to cut the mage off. “Sorry… We have no concept of magic. We couldn’t possibly have made a creature that literally lives on love.” “Come again?” Clover asked in shock. “We couldn’t make a creature that eats love, because my species does not know about magic. I’m definitely the first to know it’s a real thing,” I repeated. “Y-you can make life without the use of magic?” Clover asked, stunned. “Yeah,” I said casually. “I made some myself in school even.” “How?” She asked. “Science,” I replied. “Fair enough,” Clover muttered. “But you definitely did not create changelings?” “Nope,” I said as firmly as I could. “A pitty…” Clover lamented. “Finding their original host species would solve many problems. Still, from the sound of it… Bah, I’m grasping at straws. All I know for sure is their creators are not from this continent.” “How do you know that?” I asked, to invested in this conversation to let things wrap up. And Clover’s tone seemed to indicate she was wrapping up. “Oh, well the overmind knew they had come here by ship. There is an inland sea between here and the Griffon kingdoms, but the changeling Empire is on the coast to our north west. Right on the beachhead. Additionally I’ve scoured this entire continent for any clue and have come up with nothing, despite three thousand years of searching. So they must have come from over the sea,” Clover explained. “Humm… Well, you can teleport, maybe you should pop over and check,” I mused. “I would, but teleportation doesn't allow for that. You must know where you're going and be familiar with the location,” Clover grumbled. “Maybe you could try convincing the changelings working under the queens to find hosts of a different species,” I offered. “That would solve the problem by taking away the Queens real power, right?” “Yes, but it will simply not happen. A changeling serves whomever they feel a bond for wholeheartedly. If a changeling truly loved you and you asked them to die, they would happily kill themselves. That’s the sort of mentality we are talking about here,” Clover sighed. “Oh… Well shit. I’m out of ideas,” I said. “As am I. Hence, ponykind and lingkind just got through another war… I’m sorry to have darkened your meal with this conversation,” Clover apologized. “Nah, it’s alright. This was actually pretty cool to learn. Especially since I met a changeling a while back… She definitely seemed bitter and angry from a lack of companionship,” I mentioned. Clover nodded. “I hope you better understand her suffering now.” I opened my mouth to reply, but a loud whistling sound interrupted me. “Oop! That’s the potion boiling. Best attend to that. If you need anything, walk on up and ask me. Since your suit’s fixed now,” Clover offered before vanishing in another burst of dark green. “Will do!” I called towards where I thought the stairs were. I felt really good for the first time in a long time. Hydrated, full, rested… Hopefully soon I’d also feel free to take my helmet off outside. Starswirl had to be back any minute now. Lyra Heartstrings - 13th of Faust 1,312 Classical Era - Evening Multiverse Location: Equestria, Equis #0???? - The Prime (Distant Past) I had been completely right! Starswirl’s lab was awesome! The room was hexagonal, but had a cool domed ceiling making it look like you were inside a bottle of some kind. Which was especially neat since the stone walls were covered in plaster to give them a smooth, uniform off white texturing which went really well with the lightly stained support beams which held the roof up and trimmed the walls. The whole place was illuminated with little orbs of floating light. Nothing inside, just a light orb, floating around flipping off conventional physics. The floating motes of light gave the entire place a cheery, kind whimsical, happy feel which was only enhanced by every wall being covered in ether bookshelves or cabinets. Everything was a storage space. Everything! The tables were supported by sets of drawers. Stools and chairs had pull out bins beneath them. The actual motherfucking floor had hatched compartments all over the place in which things were stored! What was being stored? Hell if I know! Everything maybe, that was a distinct possibility. Everything, but mostly all of the chemistry equipment in the world. That shit was EVERYWHERE! Every single surface was covered with glass flasks, beakers, burners of bunsen, condensers, alembics… It was like a pharmaceutical company invaded a super fancy hotel's lobby. What was the chemistry stuff doing? Fuck if I knew. Maybe everything. Almost all of it was in some stage of doing something. I’d spent a few hours looking at all of the things and trying to work out if I could understand any of it. To my surprise, I had! I came upon a small experiment which seemed to be an attempt to purify gold by dissolving it and precipitating out the non-gold metals then reconstituting the then purified gold. That was something I actually knew how to do thanks to my electronics hobbying, so I’d gone ahead and set up the proper reaction, and had evaporated the liquids away to leave the pure gold powder behind. That sort of thing takes a while, and just as I’d finished it, I heard a semi familiar voice clear his throat behind me. “Ahem… I know that suit isolates you from the world, but some of the experiments here could kill you anyway,” Starswirl warned. I turned around, seeing the wizard for the first time. He was kinda tall for a pony. Or at least, I think he was. Tall and thin. Also gray, the sort of gray you get if you started gray and faded out even more with age. He also had a goat-like beard, and piercing eyes which would have given him an intimidating and wise look… If he had not been wearing the stupidest hat int he world. Who puts on a floppy cone wizard hat rimmed with bells? Honestly… It had to be a magic thing. Maybe some spells required you have on a stupid hat. There was no way he simply liked that hat. … He totally just liked the hat. Didn’t he? Well, Lyra, you shouldn’t judge him for it. “Yeah but I know how to do this one,” I replied. “You were trying to purify gold right?” “Yes! I was. Did you do it?” He asked, gently pushing me aside to look at the flask. “Humm… Yes you seem to have done it. How did you isolate the gold?” “It’s easy, I do it all the time to get pure gold for coating electrical contacts. You just dilute the dissolved impure gold solution in muriatic acid and then let it evaporate off. Then repeat that a few times till it’s less amber and more yellow. Then you toss in some sulphur dioxide, that reacts with the acid, and causes the gold to turn into powder, so you can then evaporate away the acid, and you’re left with the powdered pure elemental gold. You can just melt it into a single piece or do what have you,” I explained. “Thank you! And the chemicals you used are which ones? I don’t recognise them by those names,” Starswirl asked. I pointed out the two chemicals I had used, explaining I had used my suit’s systems to analyze the chemicals. It was a nice ten minutes of feeling smart as I showed a wizard how to do something. Even if it was something fairly simple. “Well,” Starswirl said happily as I finished. “Now that you’ve helped me with getting pure gold dust on the cheap, I think it’s time we fix your breathing problem. Shall we?” “Yes please!” I asked eagerly. “Right, some things you should know…” Starswirl began in a tone indicating something was up. “I did some scrying last night, and I have decided it is for the best to send you on your way as soon as you can travel. Which means Clover and I will be charging your travel device for you shortly.” “Wait,” I started with a frown. “but you said-” “That it would take three days,” Starswirl agreed. “I did say that, yes. But… I did not look further ahead than that. After doing so, I… Luna is important to the future. If you remain here another night, something important will change and the world will suffer for it.” I groaned. “Oh come on… Seriously?” He nodded. “Yes.” “You won’t tell me, will you?” I asked irritably. “You will wind up marrying her and staying in this timeline if you continue to interact with her here and now,” Starswirl said bluntly. “It might seem cruel or speciesist of me, but I can’t let that happen. Because if it does, Luna will have no interest in assisting Clover with a future project of hers, and as a result, Clover will never develop a spell vital for the survival future of ponykind as she will never get a volunteer to try it on.” I triple blinked. “Uh… Come again?” “It is critical for the future for Luna to remain eager to be appreciated. If you continue interacting with her, you decide to never leave this world. This prevents the better futures from happening,” Starswirl explained again. “I… I thought you didn’t tell people their futures,” I objected, rather shocked at the notion he was presenting. “I never tell someone the future they are going to experience,” Starswirl corrected. “But I will tell them of futures it is best to avoid. Please, you have to understand. Luna must volunteer to help Clover when the time comes. If she dose not, the possible futures for ponykind are much more dim.” “We seriously get married if I stay here?” I asked, completely hung up on that statement. Starswirl groaned. “Yes. You do. Is that so hard to believe?” “Well… She is kind of cute. But I never saw myself as the sort to actually marry. I mean take a mate sure but… That will really happen?” I asked again. “Yes,” Starswirl insisted. “Are you fucking with me?” I asked. “How could this conversation even remotely be construed as us having sex?” Starswirl sputtered. I laughed, his flabbergasted expression knocking me out of the loop of incredulity. “Hahaaa! Your face!” I giggled. “Sorry, human expression. Right, so… If I stay here another night… Couldn’t I just not talk to Luna now that I know?” Starswirl shook his head. “It’s best not to risk you changing your mind, or her convincing you to stop ignoring her. Or her bursting into your dreams and demanding an explanation.” “And we seriously fall in love and get married after talking tomorrow?” I asked disbelievingly. “No, you become friends after talking tomorrow, and you decide to stay here,” Starswirl explained. “A few months after that you become lovers, and then a year later you marry. This is in all futures wherein you remain here any longer than, er let's’ see… Ah! An hour from now.” “But, the radon thing. I really need a solution for that!” I protested. Starswirl nodded in agreement. “You do, and I also never break my word. So I did something I rarely do. I looked into a future where I make you a cure, and I wrote down the things I did. I spent the day thus far brewing a permanent mutagenic potion which will allow you to breath almost anything naturally occurring. Drink it and your home’s air, our air, presumably the air of most worlds, and even water you will find yourself perfectly able to breathe.” “Wait,” I asked holding up a finger, “water?” “Yes, that future me couldn’t work out how to make a potion which only let you breathe gases. So it includes most liquids too,” Starswirl said sagely. “I looked for other future me’s solutions, but all of the other ones turn your skin a mint green, and I didn’t think you’d want that.” Actually, that would be pretty cool! I’d always loved that color. Still, I wasn’t going to complain about a fucking super environmental adaptation serum! “Are you telling me that you have a potion which will let me breathe anything!?” I asked with joyful incredibly. “Er well, no. Not everything, but most things,” Starswirl mused. “Hummm you should know the details. Oddly it doesn't prevent things specifically designed as a poison from harming you. It also will not let you breathe in a helium only atmosphere… Likewise you shouldn’t try to breath mercury or gallium. Basically only common atmospheric gases and most naturally occurring liquids.” “That’s fucking awesome!” I exclaimed, not even bothered by those limitations. “Whew! She likes it,” Starswirl exclaimed. “I personally saw it as a failure… Right. So. We have that potion. Clover knows what is happening to your pet, and I also stole the answer of where you have been from another future me. What do you want first?” “Er, come again?” I asked. “Which of those three things do you want first? We need to go now. Before Luna is finished with her lessons,” Starswirl urged. Which of those three… “Bon, what’s with her?” I decided. Starswirl nodded and turned towards the spiral staircase towards the south wall. “Clover! It’s time!” He called. The black and white dappled mare appeared with that same flash of light, Bon loosely draped on her back as if my not-so-little-anaconda were laying on a tree branch. “Do you ever walk anywhere?” I asked reflexively. “I walk plenty of places. I just hate stairs,” Clover explained with a smile. “Are we seeing her off?” “We are seeing her off,” Starswirl confirmed with a nod. Clover’s horn pulsed with her aura, a small sandwich sized, dark oaken box appearing in front of me along with a small leather satchel with a shoulder strap. “Here,” she offered. “Food and drink. I had to rush these, so you will only get three meals and one liter of water a day. No more than that I’m afraid.” “Thank you,” I said accepting the items. “How do they work?” “Open box, remove sandwhich. Open the bottle in the bag, drink water,” Clover instructed. “... Well I feel dumb,” I muttered putting the box into the bag and slipping it over my shoulders. “Don’t, most magical items have inane activation rituals,” Clover said with a dismissive hoof wave. “Now as for your scaled friend, she will be perfectly fine. She’s a very lucky girl, usually being saturated with wild magic will transform you into a monster, or something not alive. “However, Bon here is slowly transforming into one of our world’s more rare peoples. A lamia. Her transformation should be finished within a week or two. As of right now she is quite sapient, just like you and I, only she is incapable of speech as her throat has yet to change.” I nodded as a gesture to myself. “I thought she was getting people smart. Is… Is there anything I should know?” “Yes,” Clover said with a nod. “She thinks you are her mother.” Bon hissed and gave Clover a confused look. “Sorry, I mean you are her mom,” Clover corrected. I tilted my head to the side. “I, wa- No, actually that makes perfect sense… I meant like, you know, is she in pain? Is there anything to watch out for? I don’t know anything about magic, or transformations, or any of this.” Clover’s mouth formed a little ‘o’. “No, she’s perfectly safe, and I managed to get rid of the pain. Just know that she will eventually grow a pair of dragon-like arms and talons, and her upper body will also reshape into something ironically like your own, among other small changes. It might not be a pretty process but well… You and especially Bon are lucky she’s not turning into a cragodile, or an animal mass of carnivorous vines.” “Alright…and how did that happen so I don’t get mutated too?” I asked as seriously as I could. “Most likely your portal device,” Clover informed. “Don’t worry she’s only been dosed once. Most likely when she first passed through it.” “Ah, okay…” I looked over at Bon with a bit of concern, “I… I guess I should stop talking to you like a pet. Uh… Sorry.” Bon tilted her head to the side and gave me a confused stare. “So then, how about your little mystery next?” Starswirl asked. “Yeah, sure,” I said shaking my head slowly. “Won't be as mind blowing to learn that my pet is turning into a snake girl…” “Heh,” Starswirl said with a grin that instantly made me decide I was wrong about that. “Wherever you call home is not where you were conceived. From what I could find, your mother actually left your home dimension for a time, where she became pregnant with you. You then spent the first few months of your life in another dimension, separate from the one your were conceived in, all before your mother returned home. That’s sadly all I could learn.” “Wait then… I’m not human?” I asked in alarm, heart skipping a beat. “No, you are. Aside from a few sparks of magic in addition to those natural for your species, you are purely human,” Starswirl affirmed supportingly. “Besides, you grew up where you grew up. Your home is not where you were born after all. The important thing to take away from this is that because of whatever adventure your mother had… Well… You are something of an anomaly. “Specifically, you should exist about five thousand years into the future. However, you’ve been unmoored, so to speak. Meaning you can safely live anywhen in time. The timeline won't care. Which is frankly astonishing. “See, there’s a metaphysical property of time which normally will shunt things which have been displaced in time back to the point they naturally were. Meaning the longest possible amount of time one can remain in the past is three weeks, six years for the future, as that takes less energy. You however, are unaffected by this phenomenon, and could stay anywhen for as long as you like. “I honestly thank you for existing and letting me analyze you, because you’re oddness in this respect has helped me make a physics breakthrough. One which might help me develop a means to stay in a time period longer.” “Huh… So that means I actually could stay here as long as I liked…” I mused. “Quite! It also means it may be possible for me to invent a solution to the temporal snapback issue. Which opens up many possibilities. So again, thank you,” Starswirl thanked happily. “And, you’re certain that I am human?” I asked. Clover nodded. “Yes. Your present species is most certainly authentic and not any form of illusion or crude transmutation. However, you might have been born as something else. But if you were, the transformation magic used is on par with a changeling’s. Prefect biological replication. You are a human as it stands right now.” “Besides, you have lived your whole life as your present species,” Starswirl grunted. “Even if you turned into a pony right now, you would still think like a human and act like a human. What you are is a fusion of mind and body.” “That’s true I suppose,” I mused, the brewing existential crisis dying down. “But… What did my mom do? And why…” Starswirl shrugged. “Your home is temporarily quite distant from this world. I couldn’t see things in more detail than what I have given you.” “Damn… I guess I can ask her when I get back,” I said decisively. I really really really had to know. Exactly what the fuck my mom had done and why were eating away at my mind. But on the other hand, I was already in the middle of my own quest so to speak. Also there wasn’t anything I could do to learn more right now. Hell there wasn’t anything a fuckmothering wizard who could see time could do to learn more right now! I had to just move on and come back to this later... “So, how about that potion?” I asked with a sigh. Starswirl nodded, his horn glowing yellow as he levitated a flask of purplish liquid over to- “Hey! The cantaloupe and dark chocolate smelling thing!” I exclaimed in mild surprise as the flask drew near enough for me to smell the thick liquid. “Yeah, I have no idea what makes it smell like that… It doesn't have either of those in it.” Starswirl mused thoughtfully. “What’s i- Wait, no, please don’t tell me…” I decided. “Wise decision,” Starswirl chuckled. “Right, pop the helmet off and drink all of it.” “A-all of it?” I asked, taking the at least two liter container in my hand. Clover reached over and lightly smacked Starswirl on the back of the head. “She actually would have done it you dick!” “Ow! Sheesh, blame me for wanting to have a little fun!” He griped. “Just take a sip. You only need a mouthfull.” “Then why did you make so much?” I asked, raising an eyebrow. “You need that much water to boil the ingredients down into the proper form,” Starswirl answered. “Uh, is it safe to drink it like this or should I set up the tent again?” I asked cautiously. “Just drink it here. Any radon you breathe in will be harmless once you swallow that stuff,” Clover soothed. “Alright… But what about the radiation from it?” I asked doubly cautiously. “Meh, future you from the timeline this stuff comes from was fine,” Starswirl said with a shrug. “Alright…” I said apprehensively. Reaching up I gripped the release for my faceplate, took a deep breath, opened the plate with a hiss of air. As quickly as I could I raised the rather heavy flask to my lips and- Took a swing of the foulest stuff imaginable! I gagged, sputtered, almost choked, and managed to spray the mouthful across the room. “This tastes nothing like how it smells!” I exclaimed. “Yeah all potions taste gross. Now drink that before you die,” Clover urged. “Fuck! Right!” I exclaimed, tipping my head back and pouring it down my throat to avoid it touching my tongue. It failed. It still tasted like liquid ass from a public restroom at a bar. Hands shaking from the foulness of what I had just drank, I set the flask on a nearby table before I dropped it. I could feel the effects of radon poisoning already. I was getting lightheaded as oxygen stopped reaching my brain. My vision started to blurr in a very discomforting way. “I don’t think it worked…” I groaned wearily. Then suddenly, my head cleared. “No, wait…” I took a few deep breaths, waited for a few seconds, nothing. “Huh. Right. All good now. Thanks! I owe you one.” “You do,” Starswirl agreed. “So let’s get you on your way. Clover, shall we?” Clover nodded. “Right. Farewell, Lyra. Should you end up in our universe again, please come visit. I’ll still be here.” For a split second Starswirl’s face twisted into a truly sad frown. But then with a flash of yellow and dark green magic the two unicorns directed their aura’s to the VM on my wrist. The device glowed brightly in the grip of their magic for several seconds before the glowing auras vanished as quickly as they came. “Ow…” Sai groaned. “What the hay was that?” “Oh neat! It’s an intelligent item,” Clover exclaimed happily. “Apologies, my good spirit. We simply gave you the energy you need to function.” “Well it kinda hurt,” Sai grumped. I shook my head and looked over at Bon. “Come on, we should get going… I’d like to stay but yeah, we don't want to piss off a wizard who wants us to leave.” Bon nodded and slid off Clover’s back and over to me, quickly climbing up my leg to cling to my back and shoulders. “Also uh… Sorry about petting you and stuff,” I apologized. “Oh no! She likes that. I asked her via telepathy,” Clover urged. Bon nodded in agreement. “Alright then,” I retracted. “Sorry. Just a weird situation and shit. Right, let’s go.” I flipped the cover off the VM and hit the button, opening a portal a few feet in front of me which thankfully didn’t suck in either of the wizards. I sighed sadly as I looked at the portal. It actually would be nice to stay here. Not for Luna, but because somehow, this place felt comfortable. Like how home never had. “Alright, bye. See you again sometime with any luck,” I said slowly. “You don’t,” Starswirl said firmly but apologetically. “Don’t be a dick to her like that!” Clover scolded. “You have a good time and ignore whatever possible future he was seeing where you don’t see us again!” With one last apprehensive bite of my lip I stepped forward and entered the portal. “How far ahead did you look to check for side effects?” I heard Clover ask faintly as the portal engulfed me. “Uh, about an hour. Why?” Starswirl responded just as the world vanished completely. Son of a bitch!