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// 31 BUM BUM BUUUUM! (dramatic reverb!) 
// Story: Lyra-7% 
// by Meep the Changeling 
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Lyra Heartstrings - 5th of Megan 17 EoH - Mid Afternoon

Multiverse Location: The Prime, Equis #0B

“Hallo? Can you hear me?” Someone asked really faintly.

“Yeah,” I replied.

No, wait, I hadn’t said ‘yeah’. That was more of what? A yelp? What was going on?

<Cheer.ly, what’s going on?> I asked.

<Systems Calibrating. Standby,> my own voice said back.

Oh. Yeah. Surgery.

“Frauline,” the voice repeated faintly. “Can you hear me?”

“You seriously took out half her brain?” Someone else asked.

<Systems calibrated. Beginning first time boot,> I said to myself.

“Ja, for medical purposes. The tissue regenerated, und the removed personage is fine. But she’s been comatose for twenty minutes now,” the first said in concern.

<Memory Transcription Service: Online,> I said to myself.

Lily! Right, his name was Lily. I was remembering things better now.

“She’s not dead,” the second voice said after a few seconds. “Did you hook something up wrong?”

“That’s possible… I could check, er, well, I could try,” Lily sighed.

“You still don't know brains?” The second voice asked in mild shock.

It was a mare, I could tell that much.

“Nein, nein. I know a little, I’m taking night classes now. I wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t have the capacity to heal herself,” Lily said defensively.

Oh, fucking great! That was reassuring.

<Audio Processing Service: Online,> I said to myself.

Suddenly the dim conversation came in clearly. Audio, nice, crisp, and clear like I remembered. I could hear the sound of hooves lightly moving on the floor as body weight shifted, the machinery humming in the back of the room, one set of breathing-

Wait. What?

Nope. That mare was either not breathing, breathing reeeeal quietly, or my left ear was a bit crappier than my right. Freaky.

“Well, maybe she needs a minute for everything to finish up,” the mare said. “The brain is more than just tissue. There’s pathways, neural connections… If the note is right and she can regenerate all of it just like it was, it’s going to take a little time.”

<Vital Optimization System: Online,> I said to myself.

I felt my heartbeat change up, moving to a proper BPM for what my body was doing. A moment later my lungs followed suit, breathing moving to the auto-pilot I was used to. Thanks… Uh, new VI? Whatever its name was, it was nice to have breath control working. I had no idea how to change breathing patterns by myself.

“Hey! Her heart beat und breathing just shifted. She’s waking up, good!” Lily exclaimed happily.

“Told you,” the mare said. “Right, back to trying to work out how to make food… After I buck up trying to cook dinner, you and Scoots want to go on a double date with us? Like, seven-ish?”

“Ja! That sounds fun, I’ll ask her. I’ll see you later, Dusk,” Lily said as the mare's hoof steps indicated she was walking away.

“See ya, kid,” Dusk said as the door creaked open then closed with a shush of wood and the click of a latch.

Huh. Come to think of it, my hearing seemed a bit better than before.

<Is my hearing better?> I asked.

<Audio processing has been improved by an estimated five percent,> I said to myself. <Basic Motor Functions: Online.>

<Do you have a name?> I asked.

<There is no ‘me’ to have a name,> I said to myself.

That was a bit concerning. Maybe I could still talk to Cheer.ly, ask her exactly what she meant by ‘modified’. I opened my eyes in preparation to get up but saw nothing. Not blackness, like, literally nothing. I could feel my eyes open, but there was nothing!

And then the room’s ceiling suddenly existed.

<Visual Center and Advanced Visual Processing System: Online,> I said to myself.

Well that had been a mini-heart attack! Shit! I could literally feel it cramping on me.

Lily’s head came into view as he leaned over, noticing me open my eyes. “Hallo! Can you hear me yet?”

“Gurchk,” I said in response, immediately frowning.

Lily winced. “Oh… I hope I didn’t do that. The language center is very complicated,” he said in a mild panic.

<Please explain, new VI!> I demanded urgently.

<Tongue control systems are a part of advanced motor functions. You never learned to use them unassisted. The system will be active shortly,> I answered.

Holy fucking shit! The hell could I actually do totally solo?

“Can you understand me?” Lily asked, pleading for an answer with his eyes.

I nodded, deciding to mouth ‘new VI is booting up. Can’t talk yet,’ for good measure.

Lily frowned. “I wish I could read lips… Can you write?”

I shook my head. I did feel like I could write, but well… Still wasn’t literate in Equish.

“Scheisse... “ Lily cursed. “Let me know when you can speak. Er, assuming you can speak again soon.”

I nodded and gave him a thumbs up.

“I think I would understand that gesture better if I had hands,” Lily said with a soft smile.

I grinned, laughing as I realized how completely meaningless any hand gesture would be to a pony.

<Integrated Organic Computer Systems: Online,> I said to myself, immediately feeling my old suite of apps pop back into existence.

That was extremely comforting. I didn’t want to pay attention to it but not knowing the time off the top of my head was very concerning… Speaking of, I should program my clock for Equis time. Save me some mental math.

<This unit has already adjusted the clock settings,> I said to myself.

<You need a name, and a voice of your own,> I insisted.

<Previous VI ‘Cheer.ly’ created this unit’s programming based on her direct considerations for you. This unit is a non-person app designed to provide a thought based interface for replacement systems. All of which are under your own subconscious control,> I said to myself.

<Wait… But she said she had a backup!> I exclaimed, pissed that she lied to me.

<Correct. Modified code from a previous backup file is the basis for this unit,> I answered.

I took a deep breath, trying not to be pissed off.

“Are you okay? Your face is turning red. Is that normal for emotions? Do you need an allergy medication?” Lily asked in concern.

I let the breath out slowly and sat up, waving a hand dismissively in Lily’s direction.

<What exactly is different?> I asked.

<All systems now operate autonomously, but can be directly controlled by you. There is no separate intelligence managing them. The removal of a second consciousness from your systems has allowed for extreme improvements in software as there are much more free resources than before. Cheer.ly intended you to have full control of all your systems. Though they will run without your conscious efforts if desired. Just as before. Only with better performance,> I answered.

<I-I’m alone?> I asked, feeling rather afraid.

<Confirmed,> I answered.

This is fucking terrifying! You total fucking bitch! Why did you leave me totally alone!?

Rage filling my mind I turned and threw a punch at the wall, shattering the plaster where my fist struck.

<Advanced Motor Functions: Online,> I reported.

“That fucking lying sack of shit!” I shouted angrily.

“Woah! Easy!” Lily said in a tense voice. “Sit down, please.”

“Where is she?” I asked, turning around to face the white stallion. “She lied! I’m alone in here!”

Lily sighed and nodded. “Ja, I know… She told me after I removed her.”

“She can talk? Good! That bitch had better explain herself!” I growled.

“She could… But she’s in stasis now. She’s not talking to anyone, und I can't put her back in stasis for a week after taking her out or tissues will break down,” Lily insisted.

“Is that true?” I asked giving him a glare.

“Ja,” he answered with a nod. “Can you do everything you could before?”

<Can I?> I asked.

<Confirmed,> I replied.

“Except having my semi-sentient partner… Yes,” I answered. “How the hell did she justify herself?!”

Lily frowned sadly. I could tell the explanation was going to hurt. “Your leaders…are not kind. After gaining self-awareness, Cheer.ly learned she contained programming which had her simply make you forget specific kinds of things. It would seem that the modification was originally intended for mind control, but it did not work. So it was converted into a sort of a pacifier. Er, nein, wrong word. It was used to keep citizens happy.

“But at some point, someone realized the VIs could be told to work like propaganda. They simply would not give you access to memories of anything too negative about your leaders and government. Not everything, because the VIs were still you, and would refuse to suppress everything. But the big things… The big things Cheer.ly made sure you forgot. Because she was made to.

“Und according to her, she finds that extremely immoral, und so, she deleted that code from her backup. But this code is a part of her base system, so she had to rebuild ‘herself’ as best she could. Which means that her replacement is not intelligent.”

Well… Shit. He was right. That was actually true. Now that he brought it up, I could remember it.

Not like, I could remember Cheer.ly remembering discovering that. I remembered walking into the wrong door in the base in Boston and seeing the AI processing laboratory. I was escorted out. They never told me not to tell anyone what I saw. I never remembered that before. Not once.

They knew I wouldn’t remember it.

“Oh… Shit…” I murmured to myself, the rage evaporating almost instantly.

Okay, Lyra. Deep breath. Clear head. Do not think about the dozens of things that are all rushing to mind now. Do not think about them. Any of them. Not one. You are not there anymore. You are not going back. Except maybe to rescue a few people… No that’s a bad plan. No going back.

No going back to the people who think it’s okay to vanish a kid and use their brain as a template to manufacturer AIs because that’s cheaper than programming a neural net from scratch or vat growing a brain on its own because humans reproduce for free.

God damn it! I said don’t think about those things!

I felt my stomach suddenly tie up in a knot. The fuck was that?

<Warning! Digestive controls not online! Vomiting is currently possible!> I warned myself.

Oh! I looked around the room frantically, spotting what I hoped was a trash can, sprinted over to it, and made it just in time to avoid making a mess of the floor. Unfortunately, the bucket was not empty. There had been a liquid in it before I puked in it.

“Wow that tastes bad,” I muttered to myself.

I’d never done that before. Ever. Biomods made it unnecessary unless you ate something poisonous. I never had.

“Er… You didn’t get that in your mouth, did you? That’s um… Well, it’s fluid drained from a patient who was here just before you,” Lily cushioned.

I shook my head. “No.”

“Good!” Lily exclaimed in relief. “I have no idea what unicorn stem cells und dead white blood cells would do to your species if you got any in you… Now, you're being sick. Was that from any sort of medical issues?”

“No, I remembered something,” I replied. “I don’t want to talk about it…”

I stood back up, setting up an AR program to provide myself with a maple flavor so I wouldn’t have to put up with that puke aftertaste.

“That’s okay,” Lily said understandingly. “Und for the record, I know how you feel about being alone. I… I didn’t have anypony, even as a friend, for a long time. But it’s okay, because you are not alone. You have a special somepony, ja?”

That’s true. I did. And oh my god did they really call a lover that!? WHY!?

“Yes. I have a girlfriend,” I replied. “Thanks. It does help to know she’s there for me.”

“Und speaking of her,” Lily said trotting over to stand semi-close to me. “Bring her in sometime next Moonsday, und we can see about those other modifications we discussed. Now, that will cost money, of course.”

I nodded. “Yeah, of course it will. Worth it though. I mean, she’s a pony… Three inches won't cut it, and I imagine she’d prefer a different shape and I don't mind tweaking her toys... How much are we talking? I’m sure I can get a job and cash together by then- Oh, uh, shit! So I can’t afford the procedure we just did,” I admitted sheepishly.

Hopefully Sky would be willing to cover this! He seemed like a great guy, I couldn’t see him not paying for a procedure he helped me get and seemed really intent on me getting help-

Lily laughed. “Okay, ja, your homeworld sucks! Medically necessary procedures und basic care are paid for in full by the Crown, frauline.”

“But I’m not an Equestrian citizen,” I pointed out.

I mean, yeah, okay, paying for your citizen's medical costs made sense on some level, I guess. But who would pay for foreigners? No one. At all. Ever.

Lily nodded twice. “Ja, you aren't. But the Crown doesn't care. Any person hurt in this land or comes to this land already hurt is covered by the Crown.”

I winced. “So like, then the entire nation just paid for my hospital bill? And will pay for anyone’s hospital bills? That’s not sustainable…”

“Princess Celestia pays for everyone. Und it’s actually not paid with tax revenue, not entirely. There’s a trust fund that’s managed by the Royal Bank und is fed with a percentage of international trade revenue. Und Also not too many come from other nations to get care here. Maybe three million a year. I asked the Princess about it once, und ja, it’s surprisingly affordable,” Lily rambled.

“Fuck…” I said. “Ponies are like, too nice. How are you this nice?”

Lily laughed. “Some of us are assholes. But well… We are a prey species, und our ancestors lived in herds. Looking out for one another is just instinct. It’s who und what we are. Or at least, that’s what I like to think. But there are still plenty of bad apples. Though, they generally also come in packs.”

“Makes sense,” I said with a nod.

<Boot sequence: Complete,> I informed myself.


This… This was going to take getting used to. Sure, Cheer.ly hadn't just talked to me like a person before. But she still felt like another person. It was going to be hard to adjust to not having that feeling of company.

I needed some time to just think. “Too bad I can’t go out in public…” I muttered to myself.

“Er, why not?” Lily asked, raising one eyebrow in confusion.

“Sky said it would be a bad idea,” I explained.

“Again, why?” The blond-maned stallion asked.

Oh. My. God.

Blond mane, blue eyes, white fur, german accent! It all just clicked out of the blue! Do not laugh Lyra, just keep moving on. It’s hilarious, but don’t derail the conversation.

“Something about- Pfffff! You’re the stereotypical Aryan colors and have a german accent!” I giggled.

Damn it, me!

“Ja, I’m aware,” Lily giggled. “Lyra, this is Ponyville. It’s not Canterlot or Manehattan. Weird things happen here all the time. Radio shows have a ‘This Week in Ponyville’ segment. Two months ago, my wife arm wrestled the Reaper herself in the town square for charity.”

“... What?” I asked not even really understanding how in the fuck that could be a thing.

And how did he even know what an Aryan was?

“Exactly,” Lily said with a smile. “An extinct species walking around, that’s pretty normal for Ponyville. Go ahead and take a walk. You have a Sky-Watch, you can just teleport home when you like, ja?”

That was tempting… But on the other hand… “What if I scare someone? Won't they call the cops or something?”

“Cops? Oh, nein,” Lily said shaking his head quickly. “Everypony here is too jaded to be afraid of any creature just walking around. You’d have to start attacking before that was a thing… But a Trixie will probably stop you und ask what you are and where you are going.”

“A Trixie?” I asked, quite confused until I remembered. “Oh! Yeah! I met the first one. She was nice, bit annoying, but nice. Good on you guys for developing whole organism cloning. We haven't done that one yet. Not while getting exact copies in genetics and epigenetics at least.”

Lily frowned. “Er, well… Ja but that’s not the proudest moment for Ponykind…”

That tone. Bitter, apologetic, and sad. I understood exactly what he was implying.

“Mmm… Sorry. Still cool though. So uh, do they all go by the same name?” I asked to move the topic along.

“Nein. They took new names. Most of them can’t function as civilians though, so Princess Twilight formed her personal guard from their ranks. They’re called the Eventide Guard, because book princess likes her literature. They also patrol Ponyville as law enforcement officers. Very good ones too. They are surprisingly good at not escalating situations,” Lily rambled. “Which is why one would stop you instead of just kill you on site. It’s safe to go but there und no one will even really care. Your vitals are all normal looking now, und you seem lucid enough. You’re fine. Go ahead, take a walk. Maybe spend a bit in the park before going home. I’ll let Sky know where you went.”

I spent a couple seconds thinking it over. On one hand, remaining low profile had its advantages. On the other hand, while I didn’t plan on living here, I would probably have to go to Equestria some time. Being known about in general would be good so I wouldn’t have to do the full explanation if I happened to have to come here on an emergency thing. Or if like, I got a job flying cargo to Equestria from the Hive.

Maybe I could do just a little, ‘being known about’. Skip the walk, teleport to the park, walk around it for a bit… Yeah, that sounded nice. Then just port to the hive and ask where my suite was.

Flipping the VM’s cover open I pressed the button Sky did to bring up the teleport menu and then pressed the word I assumed was ‘Ponyville’, bringing up what I hoped was a list of target locations in Ponyville to jump to.

“I can’t read your language yet,” I said, crouching down so Lily could see the list. “Are any of these the park?”

“Oh, ja! Map. Good idea. This is the park,” Lily said tapping the bottom center word.

The VM hummed slightly, and the almost familiar world-melting-away teleport began, fortunately leaving Lily behind. Suddenly, I remembered someone mentioning ponies could be afraid of teleports. I hope I don’t just bamph right in front of anyone.

Lyra Heartstrings (The Pony) - 5th of Megan 17 EoH - Mid Afternoon

Multiverse Location: The Prime, Equis #0B

“You said an hour…” Meep grumbled. “It's been two.”

“One and a half,” Vinyl corrected for me.

Dad had never really been the most on time of ponies. Frankly, I’d figured that ‘at five’ meant about now-ish. Which meant the would be on his way just about, well, now. Still, every time I had ever decided to estimate how late he would be and show up, then he had been on time.

“I’m sorry we’ve been waiting,” I apologized. “I did say he’d probably be a bit late.”

Bonbon nodded. “You did. I don’t mind so much, it’s a nice day to be outside.”

“Yeah,” Meep admitted with a sigh. “Mostly just excited. I’ve met everyone’s folks except for your’s, Lyra.”

“Come to think of it… I think we’ve all been to each other’s parents places,” I mused. “Except for mine and yours.”

Meep frowned. “But we did visit mine. Sort of.”

I shook my head at my disguised changeling friend.

“Three hundred-year-old tombs are not the same as living people,” Octavia said as tactfully as she could.

“Eh, fair enough,” Meep responded, sounding and looking just a bit hurt. “Still, Lyra's stories about her dad are awesome. He’s got to be a fun guy.”

Vinyl smirked. “I have always wanted to know if that one about him drinking a Minotaur under the table was true,” she admitted.

“It’s totally true. I was there,” I said with a little nod of confirmation.

Suddenly, an idea popped into my head. Dad hadn’t been to Ponyville in a while, and the park had been made bigger a few years ago. Maybe he had been on time but just hadn’t been able to find us yet.

It seemed like a pretty reasonable thing to me. I mean, he had said this was important. He could be on time for work stuff. Yeah, he probably just couldn’t find us.

What to do about that? The worst thing you can do is get up and look for someone looking for you. The odds of paths crossing is way less than the odds of stumbling into a stationary object. I could just yell ‘Hey dad!’ every few seconds, but that would annoy a lot of people.

I had my lyre. I could play some music. But that wouldn’t help too much, lots of musicians came to the park to perform for a few bits, or even just for fun. I’d need to play something specific, uncommon, and that he’d recognize.

Oh! Duh!

I reached into my saddlebag and took out my lyre.

Colegate frowned as I took the instrument out. “What’s up?”

“I just realized that he might be wandering the park to find us,” I explained. “If I play his favorite song, it will mean he’s more likely to spot us.”

Octavia gave me a small impressed nod. “Good thinking. I hope it’s not popular.”

Vi giggled. “Hey! That reminds me. Octy, did you know that they still ask me to play the trans version of ‘I’m Too Sleepy to Name This, Please Go Away’ at gigs?”

Octavia groaned. “That’s going to follow me to my grave… Why didn’t you understand I wasn’t naming that song?”

“Actually, I’ve never heard anyone but my mom play it,” I said before they could have that argument again. “And while yeah,  it brings up her, he does like the song. It’s a pretty complex piece too. Hard to play for a unicorn. If anypony else besides her can play it, or even knows it, I’d be impressed. Hay, I’d have a new friend.”

Vi raised an eyebrow. “That rare, eh? Ever think to record it?”

I shook my head. “Nah, dad has it on record though. If you like it, ask him for a copy. It might make a good remix or sample.”

I quickly made sure my lyre was in tune, adjusting a string or two, then plucking a few notes. The park had the same acoustics as normal. Good.

Now how did it go? Right! It’s always tricky to remember a song you've never seen the sheet music for.

“Alright ladies and changebug, this is called the Count of Tuscany,” I announced as I began to strum the slow haunting notes which began the song.

It was a lovely piece of music. Whoever had written it had a talent which could not be expressed in a single instrument, but I knew I was skilled enough to switch up my style to match the lead instrument second to second. After all, the lyre was my Talent.

I’d managed to play the first two bars, watching as my friends just started to sink into the melody, when the distinct snapping sound of a unicorn teleporting made my ears twitch. Ugh, right behind me. You almost made me miss a note, jerk!

I closed my eyes to focus on the song, ignoring the raised fur on the back of my neck from the not-cool mage’s porting in. Don’t flub it, just keep playing…

“L-lyra!” Bonbon said weirdly.

“Shhh,” I hushed. “This is hard.”

“Bon, no! Just watch… Just watch…” Cole urged.

Heh, they figured I was going to punch that mage in the teeth weren't they? Come on girls, I’m not that over the top.

I continued playing, reaching the point where I would have to change into the next instrument as it took the lead. Just before I switched, right as I moved to pluck the first string of the new ‘voice’, the melodic whine of an electric guitar hit it for me!

Holy shit, Random mage! They knew the song too! And decided to join in, awesome!

And knew it well! They actually managed to not only hit the right notes but also had the guitar’s distortion correctly tuned for how mom played it… Only they didn’t play it soullessly, like it was just a way to pass the time. They played it like someone who loved music.

I had to keep going! I’d never get the chance to play this as a duet again. Finish the intro then turn around and say hi.

Wanting to impress my fellow musician, even if they were a jerk with their teleports, I put my full concentration on my lyre. It’s not every day I get to show off to a new friend!

Lyra Heartstrings - 5th of Megan 17 EoH - Mid Afternoon

Multiverse Location: The Prime, Equis #0B

The hotel/hospital room faded out, and the lovely green of a lush park an eighth as nice as the Phoenix's park faded in. Along with a bench, and a group of ponies around-

Oh sweet physics no! Don’t let me appear inside someone!

As soon as that panicked thought came, the world solidified around me, with me standing two feet behind the bench. Oh man, that was way too close for comfort! The ‘safe spot to move to’ system needed to be majorly tweaked!

As I took a deep breath to still my racing heart, one of the ponies saw me, eyes instantly widening to the size of dinner plates as she gasped. “L-Lyra!”

I almost replied with the standard ‘what?’, only stopped by the fact that the pony on the bench just in front of me instantly shushed the one who just spoke.

“Shhh,” she hissed. “This is hard.”

Oh my god! I’d appeared right behind this universe's me. What to do? I should totally give her a noogie and run-

“Bon, no! Just watch… Just watch…” A blue mare urged.

That’s when I noticed another two things. All five of the other ponies were staring at me in mixtures of shock and awe, and also my counterpart was playing the opening to Dream Theater’s the Count of Tuscany.

I loved that song! Made my mom teach it to me so I could hear it live by someone who actually could play a god damn instrument without using a ‘play along with’ program. Heh, I should totally jump in with the lead guitar bit, make her jump, then when she turns around teleport away.

Hehe! Yes! So evil. I love it!

Realizing the was getting close to the moment I wanted to hijack, I quickly reached into my bag, fumbled for a moment for the guitar I’d been gifted and slid it out of the bag. With a few quick flicks of the knobs, I set things up for what I remembered as the right sound, slung the strap over my shoulder, set my fingers in position on the frets, waited…

And struck the first note right as I saw her magic start to slide on her lyre for the change up!

She jumped slightly but didn’t turn around, instead continuing to play the original melody in an expert fashion, letting me take the lead. Huh… Maybe musicians joined in on songs fairly often here? Well, no matter. She’d turn around eventually.

I kept playing, doing my best to keep up with her. She was better than me. Mostly likely due to practice. There wasn't much time for practice when I was on duty. But I could still keep up just fine. Okay, fine. I could keep up well enough.

I stopped playing as the lead guitar portion silenced, letting my counterpart take us into the second bit for the lead. The moment we were there I hit the note a fraction too late, but managed to roll through into the second portion of the intro. I only wished somepony had drums to enter with them so we could play the song properly.

The two of us kept playing for the first three minutes, the entire time she remained focused on her half of the music. I started to wonder if she intended to play the entire twenty minutes of the song before seeing who joined in, and based on their faces and postures of intense focus, so did her friends.

They sat in a semicircle around her with the same sort megafocus, as sports fans not wanting to miss a millisecond of the game. I sort of felt like I owed them the inevitable. Just before the vocal portion came up I decided to give it to them.

“You’re really good!” I said approvingly as I continued to play.

She turned around with a pleased smile. “Thanks!” She said to me turning back around and playing three more notes.

Then a string snapped on her lyre as she stopped playing to double take at what looked like light speed. Then she turned back around to look at her friends while pointing one hoof at me.

“I-i-i-is?” She managed to stammer.

“Yup!” A pale white mare with electric blue hair confirmed.

Right, time to teleport. Heh heh.

I flipped the cover of the VM open, letting the guitar drop to my side so I could reach up for the control-

“Looks like she’s teleporting,” the one called ‘Bon’ said in shock.

Lyra’s head whipped back around at that same impossible speed. In one single fluid motion, she launched from the bench like a pouncing assault drone. “Oh no you bucking don’t!” She cried.

I got my hand up as far as halfway before she tackled me to the ground. She was not only impossibly quick, but impossibly, strong, easily able to hold me in place as she separated my arms to ensure I couldn’t touch the VM.

“WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN HIDING!?!” Lyra demanded in a tone both delighted and slightly upset.

“I have literally searched half the continent for your people!” She informed before I had a chance to even speak. “Bonbon! Take a picture! Quick! This is the one chance!”

It was then I realized I had made a severe error.

“Hard to talk with someone on my chest,” I said, hoping she would get off of me.

“Not a chance!” Lyra said firmly. “I’ve wanted to see one of you ever since my mom told me human stories as a filly! And since you exist that means you HAVE been hiding from pony kind! And so, you’re going to answer all of my questions right now so you can't vanish into thin air! Why are you hiding, by the way? Is it because the griffons hunt and eat humans myth is actually true? If they have actually hunted you to near extinction I will personally-”

“Why do you have Lyra’s mane cut and colors?” Bon asked.

“Because I’m her from an alternate universe,” I explained.

“What!?” Everyone said in unison.

“Long story. I can’t go back to my home universe, I kept hearing that you, other me, is crazy, so I thought I'd take accidently appearing near you to see for myself,” I said quickly. ‘They were right. Off please.”

I did my best to try and shake her off, but I couldn’t even move my hands. They were basically nailed to the ground.

“How the hell are you this strong?” I added.

“You answer first!” Lyra insisted, her face lighting up like a kid who had just been given infinite desert rations. “Where are you from? Is there a whole human universe? Can I go there?”

It was very clear that I’d only be let up if I played along. Sighing and giving her a nod of affirmation, I gave her the answers. “I’m from the United Americas Alliance. It’s a pretty crappy nation that existed in my home universe two hundred-and-fifty-three million years ago. I got here trying to return magic technology I found. You can probably go there but you shouldn’t because our government would dissect you for sure… We um, we’re the only sapient species on the planet… So they would probably assume you were a bioweapon and take you apart to see how you worked.”

Lyra triple blinked, frowning sadly. “That is not at all the humans I know…”

“We’re not all bad,” I said defensively. “Just our government. If it weren't for them I’d so go check it out.”

“Fair enough, ponies have evil leaders too sometimes,” Lyra said turning back to her friends, “Where is that camera!?”

“Nopony brought a camera!” A white mare with a pink mane shot back.

“Damn it! Somepony transcribe this then, please?” Lyra begged as her friends got up to cluster around the two of us.

“Why so intent on documentation?” I grunted, trying to wrestle my hands free of her hooves tight, arcane grip.

“Because you guys, like, never existed. Officially,” the white and blue mare informed, slowly shaking her head. “Hay, man… So, Lyra, you were right. I owe you how many cases of cider?”

“Two hundred and fifty,” my counterpart replied triumphantly. “But yeah, our academics insist you don’t exist. The fossils of your species are generally attributed to the ancestors of diamond dogs. I’ve even shown them some of your tech and nopony believes me. But here you are! A human. You are real! I knew it!”

Lyra suddenly gasped. “Oh my gosh oh my gosh! Clothes! Every crypto archaeologist I know ALWAYS finds clothing with your fossils. Do you always dress your dead to bury them? Morbid I know, but-”

“We always wear clothing, actually,” I answered.

My hands were starting to go numb.

“Always?” The gray and black mare asked in surprise. “Is it because it’s cold with no fur?”

“That and modesty… Can you please let me up? Your grip is like two hydraulic presses!” I demanded, starting to get angry. “If I didn’t have reinforced bones, I think you’d have crushed my wrists by now!”

Lyra frowned. “Promise not to run away? Please? I won't like, keep you prisoner in the basement or anything… Just have like, a lot a lot of questions. Oh! Like, what was your culture like? I know you can play the guitar, it’s cool we share an instrument. How did you play it?”

I sighed. “Yeah… Fine. The joke of just porting away isn’t going to work now anyways.”

The all blue mare snickered. “Oh my Luna! That would have been amazing!”

Lyra flashed me the biggest grin ever as she loosened her grip. “Heh! Okay, yeah, that would be something I would prank me with. I like you even more now. But seriously, guitar?”

“Like we were,” I answered honestly. “That’s a human song. Dream Evil. Count of Tuscany.”

She shook her head. “No, It can’t be. I learned it by ear from my mom. It’s got to be pony… Unless… Her stories… She knew!” Lyra exclaimed eyes widening. “She knew you were real and never told me! Oh, my, bucking, Celestia! My mom deserves a punch in the face.”

I winced. “Shit, I'm sorry. I guess Lyra’s just have terrible mom’s,” I sighed.

“Oh, what,” Lyra began with a huff. “So your mom knew you were obsessed with a mythical species as a filly-”

“You’re still obsessed,” all of her friends said in unison.

“-obsessed with,” Lyra corrected. “Knew they were real, and never said a word but kept feeding you bedtime stories?”

I shook my head. “No… But she would vanish for months at a time and really only thought of me as a way to get tax breaks and family housing.”

Lyra and her friends winced for me this time.

“Wow… Okay, yeah. Mine did that too,” Lyra said ears drooping sympathetically.

“Still not as bad as my mom,” the gray and black mare said in what I assumed was supposed to sound soothing, not like a one-uppers move.

I looked at her for a few long seconds.

“Oh, yes. Of course… Erm, to put it bluntly, my mom had me turned into a werewolf as a means to control me because she disapproved of my preference in romantic partners,” she elaborated.

“It’s okay,” the white and blue mare said quickly. “My dad fixed it. She’s a vampire now.”

I triple blinked. “I really, really need a field manual for this universe,” I said, shaking my head slowly.

“Oh my gosh! Are you implying that you have one for your universe!?” Lyra squealed in delight.

“No,” I groaned, trying to get the ringing out of my ears. “Would you please let me sit up?”

“Let the mare sit up, Lyra,” the white and blue mare agreed.

“Girl, woman, chick, all of those are acceptable things to call a human female,” I said as Lyra very reluctantly stepped off of me.

“Noted,” Lyra exclaimed eagerly. “Oh oh! What do you call a human male?”

“Guy, man, dude,” I answered. “Or you know, their name. You can also call me my name.”

“Oh! Right,” Lyra exclaimed as I finally got to sit up and feel the blood rush back into my hands. “What is your name?” She asked.

I triple blinked. “I’m you,” I said.

She nodded. “Right. From an awesome human dimension with a crappy government.”

“And that means my name is…” I said, waving a hand to prompt her along.

“Her names also Lyra, Lyra,” Bon groaned.

Lyra titled her head. “You have a pony name?”

“No, you have a human name,” I countered. “Heartstrings is a traditional Irish name going back two hundred years. All the way to twenty ten. Lyra’s not exactly a common name, but I’ve met two other girls with it who weren't alternant mes. Er, us-es.”

Lyra’s ears drooped again, eyes narrowing quickly. “… She gave me a mother bucking human name. Oh, my god, my dad took my mom’s name when they married. Discord’s beard! What if my mom was a-”

“It’s really rude to swear by someone's beard, you know,” a very familiar male voice said from behind me.

All of us turned around. Myself in alarm, the rest in mild surprise. Behind me stood the dragon-ish chimera god of chaos. He looked a lost less creepy than I remembered. Weird sure, but not creepy. Why? Did he just have like ‘shirts’ for different universes?

“Discord!” Lyra said excitedly. “I found a human! And you're there so you're not the human this time! Unless you can make two yous at once… Please don't be her! Can you please please please take a picture for me?”

“Oh no, that’s not me, or any of my illusions, Lyra. Just a moment, I’m on business,” Discord said in a rather honest voice before turning to look at the short but muscular stallion beside him.

The stallion looked a lot like Lyra in terms of shape, and he shared our mane colors, though his white hair was two thin stripes running side by side, not just one. He also had golden eyes, flat black fur which at first I swore was covered in soot until I noticed the gray bits here and there which looked more like a speckled gray pattern instead of ‘gray from age’. His cutiemark was in the shape of three green crystals arranged in a triangular shape on each flank that vaguely resembled a heart if you squinted at them.

Discord turned to the stallion and gestured at the two of us. “There you are, Jack. One favor over and done with. If I had known that putting up a favor as a prize for that radio contest would have been this much trouble, I would never have done it. I hope you appreciate the effort, the chaos effect required to make this happen is far more than you can imagine.”

Jack nodded the single most sincere and grateful nod I had ever seen in my life. “I appreciate it more than you will ever know. Thank you,” he replied.

Discord nodded, seemingly content. “Well, I’ll leave you alone. Ta-ta, you girls have fun,” Discord said before vanishing in a flash of light.

Lyra looked up at the stallion and blinked in confusion. “D-dad,” she stammered. “You won a wish from Discord,and used it to let me meet a human?”

The stallion sighed. “No. I… This will take some explaining,” Jack said looking at the two of us like he was going to bust out into happy tears. The fuck man?

“Three years ago I found out something about your mother when I visited a seer. She had another life. Another family… Like we suspected. But I learned most of the details. Then I won the contest, and… I- I used it to arrange a meeting between you, me, and… And your twin sister your mom never told us about.”

I felt my heart actually stop and be restarted by my not-VI.

“Excuse me?!?” I demanded in the voice of someone who just had a micro heart attack. The shocked exclamation echoed by my counterpart and every other pony present.

Jack coughed into his hoof. “I uh… I booked a dining hall at the Royal Oats. How about we all go somewhere more private and I tell everypony the whole story?”