TThe Foundations of Me

• MLP: FiM
• Sad

Interviewee: Rainbow Dash, Weather Pony. Subject: The incident in Cloudsdale on the 18th May. Notes: At current count, 10 fatalities.

• Death
• Rainbow Dash

Seer · 2.5k words  ·  113  2 · 2k views

Overview

This is a somber character piece about Rainbow Dash. There’s been an accident at the Cloudsdale weather factory, and ponies died. On the surface, this story is about an interview of Rainbow as an investigation tries to find out what happened. Underneath that, it is so much more.

Characters

There’s really only one character in this story, and that’s Rainbow Dash. Technically there’s a second pony there - Scribe, the interviewer - but he’s really only present to prod the story forward. This story is about Rainbow, and it knows it. And this story looks at Rainbow in a fantastically nuanced way. Everyone knows Rainbow is a brave, headstrong pony. But this story is about something else. There’s a saying that bravery is not the absence of fear, but in being afraid and doing the right thing anyway. Rainbow is afraid of how she’s perceived and whether she has the capacity to be more than what she is, and this story is about how she handles that.

Plot & Pacing

There’s not much plot in this story - it’s a one-shot, and there’s only one scene. But the pacing is fantastic. Rainbow’s story reveals everything you need to know about her, one piece at a time, and it meanders in a way that feels natural but never gets too far into the weeds for the audience to be bored. It tells us what we need to know when we need to know it, and it delivers on its premise fantastically by the end, even by being so short. It’s true that not much physically happens between the start and the end of the story, but that’s not the point. The point is the emotional journey, not the physical one, and this story nails that.

Technical Skill

The prose is actually the weakest part of the story, though again the bar is very high here. There are some punctuation errors, and some sentences that feel a bit awkward to read. There are a few lines that don’t quite land, and the story as a whole is a lot of dialogue with very little description of what the characters are doing, which help make the piece feel snappy. Often that snappiness is to the story’s benefit, but occasionally it feels like you don’t have quite enough time to sit with a revelation before the story has moved on.

Rating

Character: 5/5 

This story understands Rainbow Dash intimately, and makes sure you do, too. If you want a look at Rainbow that’s more nuanced than what she usually gets, look no further.

Plot: 4.5/5

The plot is tight and focused, and nails the emotional journey. It could maybe use a little more time to breathe, but that’s a minor nitpick at best.

Mechanics: 4/5

The prose isn’t perfect, but it’s still more than capable of conveying the emotion here. All the issues are small, and don’t do anything to pull you out of the story.

Final Score: 4.5/5

This is a fantastic character piece, and if you know me, you know what a sucker I am for character pieces. Be warned going in that it’s a tale about death and how ponies handle it, but it’s well worth the price of admission.

Final Thoughts

I absolutely loved this piece, and trust me when I say that the second place result it received in the speedwrite it was written in does not adequately convey how good it is. It’s short and sweet and hits you hard in the feels, and everyone should go read it. It’s well worth your time.

Aww thanks so much buddy! I really appreciate the lovely words and I'm thrilled you enjoyed the piece <3