I never really slept well, even before I was turned into a pyromaniac's dream animal, but now it is even harder doubt and confusion are on my mind, Am I dead? Can I go home, why do I melt god damn everything. As such my already tainted sleep was more extended blinking tonight, luckily it was closer to morning than I realized.
Standing up from the crater I melted when (what I assume was) the sun and I got buddy-buddy, as I stretched out the stiffness from my joints, I realized that my movement seems perfect, shouldn't I be a stumbling mess? Well you know what they say 'never look a gift HORSE in the mouth'
"heh, puns" I mutter out as I start trotting towards the town, this time, however, it seems that it is, in fact, busy, but as I get closer some started falling over and doing weird dance's, well if there doing that, it must be some form of welcome dance, so naturally I copy and lower my front legs down while running... not my best moment.
I crash land just in front of a small store selling roses with a smaller horse looking quite confused and still doing that dance- oh ohhh, there bowing, right forgot about horse biology. Once I stand up I notice something really weird.
"Holy mother of the sun, your all midgets." Hmmm, Not my best choice of word's
"Hey, we aren't midgets, you're just really tall your highness, s-sorry, please don't eat me," the midget horse running the ross stand shouted.
"Huh, why would I eat you and what's with all the 'your highness’ talk? I just want to find out where I am."
“Well, you’re an a-alicorn. All alicorns are royalty, and well, they don't usually visit my l-little shop. U-um, w-would you like some f-flowers?"
"I guess so. Um, can you tell me where I am? And please get up off the ground."
“You're i-in Ponyville, Equestria, miss" she responded with less fear in her voice.
"here, take these flowers. They're on the house,” she said as she magicked a bouquet of flowers just in front of me.
“Well, you gonna take them or not?"
“Oh! Right. Let's see here." I move my hooves to squeeze the flowers in front of me. Unfortunately, they caught fire.
“Ah! Uh! Um!" I dropped the flowers on reflex and stomped on them to put the fire out. Needless to say, it just made the fire worse.
“Tha-that’s not an illusion! You're really on f-fire! Ahhhh!"
“Hey, come on. I'm sorry I burnt the flowers, really, I-"
"Halt foul creature! You shalt not harm my little ponies!" came a shout from above.
As I looked to where the voice was coming from, I could see a new alicorn with a blue coat and a mane of the night sky, who also happened to be covered in armor and wielding a giant war hammer. She did not look happy.
"I wasn't hurting he-" I was cut off from my excellent explanation with a hammer to the face.
Soon after Mark's face met with the ground, more ponies started to gather to see what commotion was, only to see their princess smash a war hammer into another alicorn's face.
“Woo, yay princesses" and "take that, evil doer" the crowd shouted out.
“Wait!" called the only pony who actually knew what was happening.
“Please Princess, she wasn't hurting me! I was just surprised! That's all, honest!"
“My little pony, what is your name?"
“Green Rose, your highness."
“Green Rose, are you positive that she is not a threat?"
“Yes, your highness. She is just confused is all. She didn't know where she is, I screamed because I thought at first that the lava stuff was an illusion, but when she touched my flowers…well you can see the results." she gestured to the small ash pile on the ground.
“Agh, my head! It feel's like I was hit was a Warhammer.“
"Ah, yes that is my fault, my apologies I was not thinking clearly, I acted rather harshly, mine name is Luna, princess of the night, nice to make your acquaintance, again my apologies about before, this town happens to be on a magic fault line and for whatever reason, creatures of malicious intent are drawn to such place's," Luna explained while eying me carefully "None the less, please tell us where you are from and why you are here, t'is not every day that a new alicorn arises."
Did she really just brush off the fact that she hit me with a BLOODY WAR HAMMER, stay calm, I'm fine it seems this new body can take a beating, that is kinda awesome, but still I can feel that. "Ahem, well I actually don't know you see, I have a rather ah." I am not going to a loony bin, I would hate to see this world's version of one of those *shiver* "Severe, would be the best word for it, yes a rather severe case of amnesia, you see I just kinda woke up not far from here and I was just... drawn to this place I guess? just wanted to know where I am is all."
*BANG* Oh why hello again pain my old friend, how's your wife agony, oh currently residing in my face, lovely oh and how is your course the ground, oh really that close already absolutely lovely.
“Take that, foul heathen!" shouted another alicorn. This one, though, was larger in stature and possessed a coat of pure white and a mane of a pastel radiance
"Tia, why did you do that?"
“Sister! Thou should have been paying attention! she would have gone for a sneak attack!"
“I deemed her non-hostile. *sigh* Come, we must take her to a hospital, let us make haste to Canterlot."
“Well, at least it's easy to take now," Celestia huffed.
Canterlot castle hospital.
"Sister"
"Yes, Luna?"
"You do realize that the bed is on fire, right?"
"Yes Luna, I do"
"Well, are you going to do something about that?"
Celestia said nothing as she transferred the knocked out lava alicorn from the flammable recovery bed onto a less flammable stone tile floor.
"Next time please think ahead."
"Yes lulu"
"You know what this-" Luna was cut off by the sound of a groan.
—
Mark's POV
—
“Ahh, my head hurts. I mean, how does that even work? I'm pretty sure I'm some form of liquid."
“Our weapons neutralize ambient protection magic. Gives them a kick, as they say."
“Huh? Wait, where am I?"
I sat up and looked around the room I was being held in. The first thing I noticed was that I was on a stone cold floor, then the burning pile of ash next to me along with a few other white beds. I was interrupted in my musings from someone clearing their throat.
“Oh. Um, hi?"
“Hello, my name is Celestia. I am the ruler of this kingdom along with my sister, Luna."
“Greetings, once again" Luna struggled to say in a friendly manner.
“Oh well, my name is Mark Rose.”
The looks on their faces would imply that they don't seem to believe me." Luna hummed.
"such a peculiar name." Luna mused
“tell me, what were you doing and what do you plan to do in our kingdom?”
"Well, I kinda just woke up in a forest and traveled to that town nearby to see where I was. It's not every day you wake up to find yourself in a forest you know. That's not normal, right?"
“No. t'is not a normal occurrence, but I wish to know what you call yourself, not what you think you should be called," Celestia replied, raising her eyebrow.
"Mark. Rose. That is the name that I remember and that is the name I shall be called, but if I were to get a nickname I would suggest something like..."
Thinking about all the names I have heard of here, which isn’t many, I looked around the room. The white alicorn has a sun mark on her ass. Hmm… ‘Solar,’ a quick look back to the ash pile as it flared up with a few sparks, I gained the idea for the last part of my name.
“Flare. Solar Flare."
Celestia's face paled a bit at this but keeps a neutral look.
“Very well then. Now tell me, what are your intentions, and do you remember anything before waking up?" Luna asked, slightly annoyed.
"Well, I haven't decided what to do yet as I have no memory of before I woke up," I lied. I mean, if told them I'm an alien from another world? Another universe? Another dimension? I'm sure they would think I'm crazy.
“Say, um. Not that I'm complaining, but you're queens or something, right?”
“Princesses.” Celestia corrected.
“Yes, those. Don't you have, I don't know, more important things to do than check in on me?"
"It is not every day that another of our kind appears and even then it is rare to find one such as you," Celestia replied while giving me a scrutinizing glare.
“What, I'm not that weird, am I?"
"You are literally on fire and you sweat lava, you don't consider that the least bit strange?" Luna raised her brow as she said this.
"No?"
“Hm. Well then, you will most likely have a headache from taking a Warhammer to the head, twice. Get some rest, we shall talk again. If you need anything, there is a guard at the door. You are not to leave until you have a clean bill of health. We shall speak again later. For now, I shall leave and send for some fireproof bedding."
Celestia then motioned for her sister to follow her out the door.
—
Celestia’s POV
—
As I closed the door to the infirmary, I double checked all the containment and heat resistance spell's on the walls, windows, and other exit points to make sure they were in working order.
"Well, that's one thing off my mind. Sister, what is your opinion of her?"
"She seems to be as I suspected. A blank slate with basic knowledge of speech and interactions. I checked her magic signature and have indeed confirmed our suspicions to be true."
"This does not bode well, but perhaps we can harmonize her?"
"That plan may only destroy her, Tia. Her entire body is made of dark magic-fuelled emotions, but instead of being mindless anger, frustrations, and grief, it has developed a mind. Tell me, do you know why?" Luna's shifted herself forward, inspecting my body language.
“Luna-"
"No, you do not try to feed me an excuse, So please, tell me now."
Luna cut herself off, too upset to continue. Her mane was disheveled, eyes red as if lemon juice had been poured into them. I sighed before responding.
“Please can we talk about this another time, we have much we need to do, I promise. Though, I found, that we share the same magic signature"
“Sister, I never thought-"
“It's ok Lulu. I am just disappointed in myself."
"Tia, it is alright. Come, let us call the chef and drown ourselves in inexpensive chocolates, but I want the truth soon Tia." I sigh as I head after her.
“Oh, did you remember to put a bubble of silence around us, Tia?"
I just prodded my hoof to a certain spot in the air and in response and a POP sound could be heard.
"I am never under-prepared, sister."
“True. Very true, Tia."
awww was kinda hoping for an update
7684539 there is one, it will be before midnight, or at the latest tomorrow night.
7684552 Oh cool can't wait
7684563 Just don't forget 'The Rules'
7684565 Rules of the internet, rules of fimfiction or the universal rules of life and death?
Awwwww. Wanted more
Wonder why the system didn't alert me of to this chapter...
Anyway source for cover img - http://sorelstrasz.deviantart.com/art/Collab-Solar-Flare-461165792
Well I have to say that I like the story and hope to see where it goes.
Really want to see what the main six's reaction will be when they see Mark.
Old?
awww man thought it was new
7685203 it didn't for me, either, not until I went digging. Is Knighty screwing with the update notifications again, mayhaps?
Oh, Sweet merciful god of procrastination why do you exists. I keep putting off the ending to chapter three for some reason I guess this is what they call writer's block. I don't know what it is I have been doing pretty much anything but writing this week, that includes making games, reading fic oh and even Editing god damn fics as well. if anyone has ideas for this fic feel free to pm me cause I really need it.
7695146 bingo we have a winner wait shhh that was meant to be a secret yeah I do plan to go with that but I just don't have the writing mojo at the moment, I have never had writers block before but I assume I am currently experiencing it.
I was kind of hoping this story wouldn't make one of those, male turned female, plot stories, which are about as big a plot hole as the grand canyon. But it's still interesting if anything, however I would like to add that I hope you make it possible for your magma pony to turn male in the future, sort of like the alternative universe plot line of the story of TD being turned into an Alicorn Princess but later turns himself male after about 40 chapters.
The idea of the story certainly is original however I feel like you didn't catch celestias true nature and therfore I can't enjoy the story
Random "what the fuck are you talking about" fact. I get sadistic pleasure from popping pimples when they begin to form in my ears...
Green Rose kept calling Mark a "he". To all appearances Green Rose would call Mark a she because that is what Mark appears to be and essentially is. Thought that it was important to point that out.
Edit: Seriously why are ponies calling Mark a "he"? Mark never introduced himself as a male and looks/basically is a female. I gave no clue why the crap that bugs me so much. It doesn't help that Luna also switched from one sentence to another the pronoun referring to Mark. Also there were times where there was letters that weren't capitalized when they should have and other things that you should have edited before publishing. Still, it was an okay chapter I guess. A little light on some needed details and it made little sense why Mark didn't give some kind of voice to any kind other than saying "ow" to being bashed in the head by a war hammer twice.
Literally....dafuq?![:pinkiecrazy:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/pinkiecrazy.png)
He/she changes gender each sentence in the dialogue of sun/moon sisters.
"DID U JUST ASSUMED MY GENDER!?"
Waiting for this to be edited further. I've only read the first chapter thus far.
Pls edit.
You are still refering to the alicorn OC as a he despite the fact that you said you changed it to female.
First sentence seemed to be a run-on, though not that long, and there are so,me spelling mistakes, so I think it should be "I crash land just in front of a small rose stand with a smaller horse operating it standing there, looking quite confused and still doing that weird dance— oh, ohhh, they're bowing, right, I forgot about horse biology."
Not the best sentence, but less grammatical errs and less awkward.
Also, side note, use em dashes when a sentence is cut off, not a hyphen. A hyphen (used to connect compound words and stuttering) is -, an en dash (used to show a set of numbers like 2016-2017) is –, and an em dash (used to cut off sentences or work similar to a parenthesis) is —. En dash is alt+0150, em dash is alt+0151.
Next,
To make it correct, it should be ""Holy mother of the sun, you're all midgets." Hmmm, not my best choice of words."
She's afraid, make her sound like it. Also, make it grammatically correct, and spell correctly. Here's my suggestion: ""W-we aren't midgets, you're just really tall. S-sorry, please don't eat me!" the midget horse running the rose stand shouted."
I'm fairly certain nobody called him your highness, they merely bowed. My suggestion: ""Why would I eat you, and why are you all bowing? I just want to find out where I am."
"Solar Flare"?
images5.fanpop.com/image/answers/2844000/2844806_1341249868114.2res_276_183.jpg
Coulda made reference to the star Sirius.
Then again, the MC would have to have blue flames for mane and tail instead.
Abrupt change in speaking voice. Try to keep the same voice unless there is a big scene change.
And back to first person again.
At least this chapter seems to have more consistent tense even if the point of view is very jumpy and disorientating.
What is this, Total War: Warhammer?
you should be, you just recommended murder just to solve a little mishap that gave birth to a new life form, AND LITERALLY HAD NOTHING TO RELATE TO YOUR DARK SIDE, OTHER THE MAGIC SIGNATURE, TYPE OF MAGIC, NAME, AND FORM, THAT IS NO EXCUSE TO KILL, YOU JUST SAID IT WAS A CLEAN SLATE, SO SOLAR FLARE, THE ORIGINAL, IS GONE, GET THAT THROUGH THAT THICK SKULL OF YOURS
Despite the fact that this is marked as edited...
It's painful to read. I can't continue.
7866954 and an alternate name for celestias 'Nightmare moon' besides from Day breaker
This reminds me of another thing, i think from this story right here
THE EXACT SAME THING!!!
Ugh. It says it has a rewrite, but I can tell there is no proper editing. It's not as bad as it once was, but holy shite, it's still bad. The first has "edited" or something in the title, but it doesn't feel like it to me. I like the idea, the concept, I really do, but the grammar is almost painful. Either the "editor" isn't that good, or whatever the author wrote was so badly written (in terms of grammar, that is, not story) that they couldn't quite fix it.
No one is really to blame, we're not all that good in English, and the language does have many illogical sides to it - just look at these four words, so similarly written, yet pronounced slightly different for some reason: Tough thought through, though. Another weird one is that we have the words orphan and widow, but no word for a parent who has lost their child.
But seriously, I can barely read this, it's almost, but not quite, giving me a headache. I wasn't much better when I started writing, when I was 15-16 years old that is (22 now). I have a fascination with the English language that not everybody has, so while I'm not some expert professor or anything, I do love to do it right, as much as possible. And this story is definitively not from a person who loves the language.
Keep going if you like writing though, you'll only get better.
8308107
thanks for the feedback I know I'm not anywhere near finished learning the intricacies of grammar, sentence structure etc. I'd like to think I've gotten better at writing and of you can make it through to the later chapters tell me of you notice any improvement.
Wrighting on fim fiction is a pastime for me, so I never really have put my full brain power into spell fixing and grammar.
For reasons of retroactive continuity, it would probably appropriate if you changed that to "Daybreaker," but since I think that's a lame name anyway, I don't really care that much.
I couldn't stop laughing when I first read this.![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
Also im going to totally steal the idea of pain and agony being married. Just say'n
running the ross stand shouted.
rose
chapter 2
8320042
no Day Breaker is lame so I recon that to the better name of Solar Falre. Seriously it is sad that the fans can do better then the show writers.
Im... somehow ok with the characters blantant OOCness. Weird.
Huh...well I'm having toruble following who dafuq is talking when and where, but this is okay, i guess.
40k.
....
....
No? Nobody? I'll see myself to the corner.
Feels*
9161750
66.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m95i6cLBEQ1qeeqito1_250.gif
9385521
Statement: ha ha ha.
Aha! I like this story already!
No. Noooooo.
8635112
8320042 Daybreaker is Celestia's evil self and Daybreaker is not really an fitting name (my opinion) and solar flare is good and bit more fitting, not gonna say no this ###### name sucks use this one, no I don't get why people say shit like that, the author made it, wrote it and all also if you really want to say that people in MLP are shit or shit named, leave
9161750![:rainbowlaugh:](https://static.fimfiction.net/images/emoticons/rainbowlaugh.png)
I totally get that reference ahahahah
bruh he literally got hit with a war hammer and is as friendly as if hed know them his whole life this logic is making me sick
The way characters think in this fic (alot of the time) just makes me think of this: