• Member Since 10th Oct, 2012
  • offline last seen Dec 27th, 2022

Integral Archer


T

The subjunctive is the verbal mood of abstractions and possibilities. To ponies and their indicative-based language, it is a frightful mood, awkward and unwieldy. To changelings and their language of nearly inaudible shrills, it is indispensable.

Equestria’s inhabitants are a diverse race, no two the same color, who speak a language of concretes. But to Errenax, a changeling linguist well-versed in both languages and fascinated by their dimorphism, everything about them intimates a singular notion: that this division of moods and language is perhaps deeper than it initially appeared.

Thank you to my editor, Golden Tassel.

Chapters (36)
Comments ( 217 )

My grammar nazi senses are tingling....

I like it!

This is really good. So good, as a matter of fact, that I have a hard time describing why it's so good. It's a very elegantly-crafted narrative and deconstructing it is not something I think I'm capable of doing; at least, not while doing it justice. I'll say what I can, though, because this deserves to be talked about. A lot.

Perhaps the most prominent thing about this story is how beautifully poetic the narration is. Every word seems to have been chosen very deliberately to mean exactly what it says. Despite how unnatural this style of prose is when compared with natural language, I didn't have any comprehension problems with it which can sometimes be the case when taking this sort of poetic approach.

Errenax himself is a very intriguing character. And while he has a bit of an arrogant slant to him--one which, in a less well-crafted story, would likely set off red Mary Sue flags--he's relatable and it's not annoying to follow him and his thoughts. Wrapped up in this story, which is ostensibly a treatise on linguistics first and foremost, is the tale of someone who aspires to be noteworthy--to stand out and be important despite being a simple drone in the swarm. It's the story of what makes Errenax special and how he not only uses but masters his special talent to become something great.

What I think I like most about this is how completely alien the changelings are portrayed. They aren't simply bug pony things with swiss cheese legs, they're their own people with vastly different culture and language. They're a sapient race of obligate parasites and that fact seems to have been taken into account in their portrayal here.

I like how the prologue starts us off with the invasion of Canterlot and then the story proper steps back from that to show us how we got there. Something interesting that occurs to me as I consider this is that we know how the invasion ends: in defeat. But there's the part in chapter 2 which mentions how it's not enough to simply look like their prey--the changelings have to learn to pass among them undetected and this is established as no small feat. Remember, now, that it was Twilight's suspicions of Chrysalis (as Cadence) which ultimately allowed the real Cadence to reunite with Shining Armor and save the day. The difficulty in passing unnoticed lies within the uncanny valley and Twilight was able to pick up on subtle missteps with her "gut feelings."

I wonder how this will all play out and I eagerly look forward to reading more of this.

Ah, and something else that occurs to me now is how the title (and in fact the nature of changeling language presented here): subjunctive--speaking of things that aren't necessarily real or have yet to happen; wishing, among other things. The changeling language is apparently heavily focused on speaking about what might be, about the possibilities. And our protagonist has mastered the skill of switching between a world where everything is spoken of in terms of what isn't (yet) to a one that speaks of what is. Very cleverly symbolic of the realization of one's dreams and potential.

An eloquently narrated prologue with a superb vocabulary. I have a lot of confidence in the future of this series
Just reading this makes me feel like wearing a mustache:moustache:

*bumbles in*

A changeling fic? Pssh, whatever, I'll be moving on n–oh, it's by Integral Archer? Hmmm...tempting, but it's a changeling fic so–it's about linguistics? F:yay:CK YEAH!

Yeah, basically, what Golden Tassel said, though I'm a bit more simplistic in my views. I see simply the quest to become great and a quest towards acceptance.

I'm pretty sure this started in medias res, but please, CONTINUE.

Superb style of writing almost and wonderful minor cliff hanger at the end here.

I've read up through chapter 2 of this story. The writing is all very solid so far, and the story is likable enough to leave me eager to read more. The story's underlying themes haven't yet made themselves clear, so I will focus on sharing my perceptions of the story so far.

The narrator as he is introduced is quite a fascinating character. His conversation with the guard establishes Errenax's personality and nature with impressive efficiency. We see Errenax treat casual social interaction as a means to an end, where every word, every mannerism is a calculated play towards a desired emotional response. It leads me to think about how a predator would converse with its unwitting prey; I imagine the interaction might flow very similarly.

The narrator's manipulation of the guard does not quite make it clear where Errenax stands with regard to emotions. Errenax effectively belongs to an alien species, who already clearly think differently from their prey. While Errenax is toying with the guard's feelings, it is ambiguous whether Errenax himself feels anything at all -- given what we later learn about his species' biology and social hierarchy, it's likely that Errenax has no emotions as we know them, other than the pride and arrogance that tinge his every word.

To digress for a moment, I was quite interested by the uniformly imperious tone of the narrative. It reminds me very much of written communications and publications by my brother, who, incidentally, is a linguist -- just like the story's narrator and perhaps its author. I am led to wonder if this is a coincidence, or if the study of language has a consistent effect on word choice, sentence formation, and the internal monologue.

Getting back to the story, I felt that the invasion sequence at the end of the prologue was a bit discordant with what I had so far learned about Errenax and his species. The prologue shows a proud, sophisticated narrator who has laid the groundwork for a full-scale invasion of a heavily-defended capital city. He is proud to belong to a species he considers superior, and he is proud to serve and lead them to victory. I was led to believe that Errenax had a grand design in mind in conquering Canterlot, that the changelings were a complex species with complex plans for the city's inhabitants once they were subjugated. I was genuinely excited as the defenses broke, as Canterlot was overrun with the changeling invaders, with Errenax leading them, commanding them as they--

...as they ate all the food.

The invasion wasn't about conquering the city or its inhabitants, but about food. It wasn't about looting the city's treasures, but its food. It wasn't about gorging themselves on the emotional sustenance commonly attributed to changelings, but about gorging themselves on common food. It wasn't even about capturing granaries, supply depots, and other possible massed reserves of non-perishable cereal grains and canned goods -- the changelings head right for the city's restaurants and convenience stores in search of prepared food, processed food, food that can be consumed immediately and unceremoniously. It's quite barbaric and very dissonant with Errenax's pride and his species' supposed nobility. On a certain level, the contrast between the sophistication of the invaders and the worthiness of their goal is almost amusing -- imagine a story that follows a professional killer as he infiltrates a billionaire's mansion, disables the security system, silences the guards, and breaches the door to the master bedroom... only to let himself into the attached bathroom and enjoy the rack of girlie magazines next to the toilet.

Putting that simile (and a potential premise for an Agent 47 fanfiction) aside, I'll move past the prologue and to the first chapter, though I will get back to the questions the invasion scene raised before this review is over. The first chapter reveals much more about Errenax, and about the changelings. We learn that compared to other changelings, Errenax is quite the small, weak specimen, and was frequently bullied by his peers -- interestingly, his tone even when discussing these hardships is free of any bitterness or resentment. Two explanations come to mind for this: Errenax does not care about how he was treated in his past because he has now found his true calling, and reflecting on his younger, weaker self is like reflecting on the story of a different person altogether; or Errenax does not feel emotions in the same way that other, more familiar creatures do. Both hypotheses are strongly supported by what we learn about the changelings' social structure -- as a member of the worker caste, Errenax has no reproductive ambition or even instinct, which means that many of his other natural instincts are likely to differ greatly from what we as humans are familiar with.

We are also made aware that Errenax's unique calling is to be a linguist. Interestingly, this segment of the narrative reads very much like a cutiemark story, only with changelings instead of ponies, and no actual cutiemarks -- Errenax finds his special talent and his entire life changes, as he absorbs himself in the study of language. This may be where another reviewer saw Errenax as a possible self-insert, since the author is very likely a linguist and the story concerns a linguist whose talent could potentially save his civilization. If I felt like being a raging cynic at the moment I would hypothesize that the author is fantasizing about his own potential to be relevant.

It is not long after this that Errenax's involvement in the invasion of Canterlot begins, as Chapter 2 has Errenax recruited into the infiltration effort as a linguistics specialist, where he begins training the other changelings in speaking Equestria's common language. We learn about the underlying motives for the invasion: The changelings, for all their pride and arrogance, base their economy around simple banditry. They do not till soil, or hunt game, or forage, or even trade for food; they only steal it. Whether this is due to some kind of biological shortcoming that leaves the changelings unable to prepare food for themselves, or whether the changelings' disgust for "lesser species" is simply so great that they are mentally unable to consider peaceful relations with producers of food, is unclear. The consequence is stated for certain, though: the changelings either steal from those who do produce their own food, or they starve. This causes a very interesting contrast with the changelings' sense of supremacy, as well as Errenax's constant arrogance and disgust for the ponies. He firmly and earnestly believes that changelings are the superior species, yet neither he nor any other changeling can feed itself except through violence and exploitation. I don't know whether this conflict factors into the greater story as it will be told, but it interests me greatly.

So, needless to say, I'll be keeping an eye on this story. I probably won't review it chapter by chapter, since I'm mostly looking for the larger underlying themes. It should go without saying that I was impressed by the quality of the prose; the author does weave an excellent narrative.

Good to see you back:heart:
This chapter was possibly the most philosophical or thoughtful chapter so far. It did a splendid job at showing their initial reactions to society, but it did feel winded, feeling like walls-o-text at points. I hope for further dialogue and a tad less description.

I had not been planning to submit another write-up of the story so soon, but there have been a dearth of other worthwhile stories on FIM Fiction to catch my attention, and I've been thinking about Chapter 3 quite a bit.

The chapter begins with the changelings embarking on an expedition across the ocean. They stick together at first, but Errenax speeds forward unbidden, apparently for the sake of speeding forward unbidden. It's fascinatingly metaphorical -- rather than using his talents to benefit his peers, Errenax is here using his superior agility to deliberately isolate himself, so that he may spend the first half of the chapter alone in his own world. I am left wondering whether Errenax's pride and self-absorption will lead to his downfall.

For quite awhile, we see Errenax proceeding forward on his own, with only his thoughts to keep him company. The scene with the fish was bothersome, primarily from a world-building standpoint -- if it is so easy for a changeling to fly out to sea and catch a fish, why is their civilization suffering a famine? Most of Errenax's solitary flight appears to be introspection and florid description, but it is broken by what I consider to be the most memorable point of the chapter: The "I above all" paragraph.

I stood atop the tallest mountain, and my body shivered.
I walked upon the whitest clouds, and my stomach hungered.
I soared above the teeming masses, and my heart ached.
I gazed down from among the brightest stars, and my spirit quailed.
I addressed the world as its conqueror, and my wings broke.

When a friend linked me to this chapter, he advised me that the chapter contained some long paragraphs. I did not understand why he felt the need to warn me about such a matter until I saw the "I above all" paragraph. I do not have a problem with its length, though; such a thing is immaterial to me -- what bothers me about it is its readability. If I skim quickly and silkily over the lines, I can get a sense of the majesty and wonder the "I above all" paragraph is trying to convey, but once I attempt to actually read it, it becomes a confused mass of large words, piled densely together but not quite interlocking with one another. Imagine a completed jigsaw puzzle whose pieces don't fit together -- it's pleasing enough to look at from a distance, but up close it's a jumble of protruding tabs and gaping holes.

The end result is that I both love and hate the "I above all" paragraph. It stimulates the right emotions with its premise, but fails to sustain them with its construction. It wants to be read, but isn't readable. It hints at beauty, but I can't linger on it more than a moment without looking away. If I had any advice about that paragraph, it would be to focus on the way the words fit together and flow. Complex words are like speed bumps: they slow the reader's pace, helping him to take in the larger narrative, but a rapid succession of them only frustrates the reader and brings his experience to a smoking halt.

Moving on before I try to invent any more analogies, we soon see Errenax approaching the magical lands of Equestria. This point is where my other concerns about the chapter come into play. As the shores of Equestria come into sight, Errenax is bombarded with sensations and emotions he is not familiar with, and struggles to fathom what is taking place before his eyes. This kind of discovery sequence is very difficult to properly write, since not only is the narrator experiencing a brand new world, but the reader -- viewing the experience through the narrator's eyes -- is applying his own knowledge and biases to the world unfurling before him, interpreting the narrator's experience in ways that the author did not foresee.

Case in point: I recall that as Errenax comes in for a landing, the first thing he spots is a number of pillars reaching for the sky, and is disoriented -- even daunted -- by their height and organization. These "menhirs," as it turns out, are mere skyscrapers, but I as a reader did not realize that until late in the chapter, and was nonplussed by the revelation. This has largely to do with this being a work of fantasy fiction, and Equestria being a fantasy nation with very limited canonical data about the nature of its borders. Furthermore, since Equestria is a fantasy nation, I am biased to believe that a traveller would see fantastic sights as he approached. Equestria very well could be surrounded on all sides by reflective pillars reaching an infinite distance into the sky, radiating psychic power that repels non-equine visitors, and that was the first conclusion I came to (in part because Equestria's ponies are highly xenophobic, as evidenced by their behavior in My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic).

Since "Subjunctive" is a work of fantasy fiction, I am biased to expect fantastic imagery -- imagery that inspires awe and wonder, imagery that stimulates my mind and draws me into the story's magical world. Since "Subjunctive" is a work of fantasy fiction, I did not expect that the "pillars" would be something as mundane as modern first-world commercial structures. While this helped serve to cast Equestria in a more negative, inferior, "conquerable" role, something that Errenax may actually rightly look down on, the crafting of the city itself did not sit well with me. The narrator reaches a fantasy pony city after a long voyage across the ocean, and it just looks like another plain old modern city -- just like any other city the author or readers might commute to each morning.

Additionally, I came to question why those "pillars" were the first thing that Errenax sighted when he drew near Equestria's coastline. If Equestria's denizens really did live in something as familiar as a contemporary city, I wonder why I did not see any of the other hallmarks of a modern coastal city, such as aircraft, watercraft, lighthouses, docks, piers, or the like. For how Errenax's approach is described, he may as well have been flying toward a forest of metallic pillars, placed like the bars of a birdcage to ward off the likes of Errenax and his kin, with Equestria's inhabitants located many miles further inland. The final stages of Errenax's journey see him encountering no signs of life whatsoever (save for "creatures scurrying about in the water," which for me only evoked the image of water striders) right up until his crash and subsequent encounter with a homeless pony.

My final concern with the city that Errenax infiltrates during Chapter 3 concerns the identity of the city. The prologue of "Subjunctive" places Errenax in Canterlot, his chief objective, but in Chapter 3, Errenax infiltrates a city that does not appear to be Canterlot. I draw this inference from the fact that Chapter 3's city is located on the coast (unlike Canterlot), has glass skyscrapers (unlike Canterlot), and does not have the magical shield enveloping Canterlot in the prologue. Additionally, the city in Chapter 3 is never named, which is a source of some confusion. Errenax is in the city of Canterlot in the prologue, but in Chapter 3, he begins his journey (that will end in Canterlot) and ends the chapter in a nameless city that very well could have been mistaken for Canterlot if the reader did not already know what Canterlot looks like. I do not know whether Errenax will use this city as a base of operations or if he will merely treat it as an overnight waystation, but either way, the city needs a name -- if only to firmly differentiate it from Errenax's eventual destination of Canterlot.

Despite my grievances concerning world-building and paragraph construction at certain points of the chapter, I overall liked reading Chapter 3. We see Errenax enter a new world, where his new experiences serve to highlight his how mistaken he is to believe himself a member of a supreme species. We see his narrow-mindedness working against him, as he cannot fathom the concept of music (or possibly any form of art) nor can he be anything but paralyzed by the sight of a large, artificial structure. Also, I couldn't help but laugh at his failure to comprehend the headline on the newspaper -- perhaps in time, Errenax will, like me, understand modern politics well enough to be wholly disgusted by it.

Looking forward to more, as always.

This is interesting. Your write your anti-hero in a way that's not evil.

But I was getting pretty confident in my ability to emulate their manner.

I was a bit concerned after I read this sentence. 'Pretty? That doesn't sound like a word that would be part of this character's vocabulary.' Then I realized what you were doing, and I thought that was brilliant.

3750892 if he's not evil, he's certainly callous. To disregard the life and liberty of entire settlement, one in which he lived for a significant amount of time, and by his own admission, was treated kindly and fairly by?

That's a pretty dick move. Changelings feed on Empathy, but they, or this one at least, certainly lack it.

I love the fact that Errenax falls in love* with a manhole cover, and he has legitimate and understandable reasons, in fic, for doing so.
It is a piece of understated bathos which makes this piece delightful.

*hyperbole mine

The fact that changeling language doesn't seem to have words for yes or no strikes me as ludicrous :-/

With every chapter I read, Errenax's amazement and wonder only grows. If he truly respects the structures and achievements of Equestria, how can he be the willing harbinger of such misery and chaos?

Beneath my feet

...:rainbowhuh:

3761207 It's not, though. Plenty of real languages don't have those words either - especially old ones, like Latin. In Latin, like in this changeling language, people answer a question like "are you hungry?" by saying "I am not" or "I am." And since it is indeed very difficult for us to comprehend a language that doesn't have such (in our understanding) fundamental words, it only serves to make the changelings more alien. I think it's very well done.

3763408 I now know more than I ever wished to know about horses' feet.

Water is the best conditioner for a horses' foot.

For all that is said. All that is done, there is one facet in here, that is perhaps the most enjoyable, that in a place where one is not viewing an aspect as truth or falsehood. One lacks a very crucial understanding. They have no concept of hubris. They may see it. They may see its effects, but the concept, none of them understand, when the nature of language is mutable.

...I only just noticed that this story has the Fluttershy tag. I wonder what that means.

And in this, we have learning, where the real aspect of a people is revealed. Its culture, and how it is honored. In which does he really learn what matters. Of his view, and his focus, yet it is partial, a fragment of a whole, because of his perceptions. If he could bend his view to absolutes, he would see so much more, despite the narrowness of a view in that way, yet he has gleamed something.

Fear, oh, to see something unique looking back through the glass. Yet is it the power of the image, or what they represent that inspires the fear? But a lovely update.

A perfect end to this little chapter. And the clock was right that day, albeit on a far different time than expected.

I adore this story.

If I was going to arrest you I would have brought backup? :rainbowhuh:

The interaction between Errenax and the sentry is just spot-on immersive! You could write an entire novel just centered around their linguistics conversations. Sure it will mean more "I'm better" sentiment from Errenax, but, sweet intangible feelings, these conversations are too good!

With the nuance of language, latin, if I recall my lessons. Lessons by far I should have paid true application to, had three forms of the future as it was. (or recall the right lessons here) If memory holds, and it is a fallible thing, mind you, then there is the future, the future that will be, and the future that is, or a close approximation of that. The participles of such are vague at best, and though that nuance of tongue is long past, i try to recall old lessons as time flows onward.

However in the language of current forms, the antiquated nuance of latin, holds itself to standards that are not the same. Either in the melding of places and tongues to make the current amalgamation of the modern tongue, or the aspects of culture that bring such to the forefront in needing some form in which a people can exchange and find common ground.

But these updates are fun to see. And brings a moment that I can comment in such a manner that I enjoy.

Interesting. I wonder where this is going?

Two worlds, two perspectives, a single unity and yet ever so far apart.

Pour one out for Errenax and Foil. What could've been...

I ship ErreFoil with the strength of one thousand armies.
Also, as a student of German, gendered nouns are ridiculous. English may have its silly moments, but at least we escaped gendered nouns somewhere along the line.
In any case, I'm loving this story! Errenax is a fascinating narrator, even if he is a bit of a jerk. I'm very interested to see why you have Fluttershy tagged on this story.

4068995

THANK
I was literally saying "These two are so gay for each other" over and over while reading this chapter.
Also, I'm sort of laughing really hard about the fact that--when I started reading this fic earlier today, I assumed after the prologue that we would be back to the invasion maybe ten thousand words later. As it turned out, I've read the whole thing and we're still barely there. Which makes me happy, because it means there's a lot of story yet to come (including any mention of our fair Fluttershy), and which makes me sad, because it means now I'm gonna be waiting for this story to update all the time. There's a reason I try to only read complete fic, darn it...
I dunno. Though if Foil gets cut out completely, I'm gonna be sad. Because they need a scene where he realizes who Erranax is, but decides he still respects him (and by that I mean is still totally in love with him). And then they must kiss. I mean. Um.

In any case, I eagerly await the next update!

4070406 Its not gay if one half of the coupling can be anything the other wants, right?:trixieshiftright:

4074466

It's only as gay as it is made out to be*.

*this should be very gay**
**because they are so very gay for eachother

4074466
What 4074749 said. Also, of anything that Foil could want, he totes wants Errenax just the way he is.

But who would be on top? My vote's for Foil. I think Errenax would argue for it, but he's no match for a member of Their Majesties' Royal Guard. (Errenax will complain, but he'll love it.)

4074853

I could see either way, to be honest. You're definitely right in what you said, though. If Foil was the top, Errenax would complain about it forever. And he would totally love it.

...yeah, it WOULD take a while to explain what exactly "facepalm" (or "-hoof") means, and what connotational values it carries!

Seems like Errenax's thoughts of "Changelings are superior" just got their first crack. :pinkiecrazy:

According to a quick Google, Spanish has a (somewhat archaic, but at least preserved in legal language) future subjunctive. I don't have more than two years of middle school Spanish, but the explanations make sense, and 'come what may' seems like an English case of the future subjunctive, so I don't see the 'impossibility'.

Ah, now this one, oh this one is something unique. You paint such a marvelous picture, simple, elegant, and starkly harsh.

Had to go over the prologue again to make any sense of this one. But I'm no longer confused!
Instead, the confusion has been replaced with lamentation at the sinking of that most pristine of vessels.
ErreFoil! Oh, sweet ErreFoil! What I wouldn't give to salvage you from the maelstrom to which you have succumbed!

And so he pauses, alone and in the quiet moment where the tense is truly irrelevant.

Fallen so far off of his pedestal built on irrelevant knowledge and dreams disguised as logic, the poor creature takes a moment to recollect the shards of his shattered worldview, collecting my pity as well...

I am curious where you will go next with this fic. Its structure has reflected its themes, playing with time...you showed us the past, as our narrator penetrated the heart of Equestria, and you showed us the present, as Errenax discussed his philosophy with his sentry friend before the invasion, but...you have never truly made me wonder about the future until now. I always assumed that you had placed the timeline strictly between Errenax's arrival and the invasion of Canterlot, but you have now transcended that, leaving me both fascinated and extremely curious. Well done.

After reading this chapter, I have to ask myself: what really happened in it and what purpose does the prose serve? One of the pieces of writing advice I've always been fond of is that a scene should serve at least two purposes if it can. The vast majority of this feels like doesn't. If this were a chapter before, I'd argue it goes to the mind of the character but we've already gotten that from his backstory. This chapter just feels bloated to me and, to a certain extent, approaches if not crosses the line of purple prose in the negative sense.

Foil's monologue was great. I can only imagine the betrayal he feels, and the questions that must nip at his tail. Why didn't he see the truth sooner? Why did he fail in his duty? How could he have been so blind? And now a new question dogs him: did Errenax deserve to be cast from the mountain? Did he earn that right?

I always read this story aloud, and it flows beautifully.

I hope Errenax takes this silent journey as an opportunity to reflect on what his race's role should be in the world. Being well and truly alone for the first time ever might open up new ways of thinking different from the ever-droning swarm.

Really interested in where you're going to take this.

4171751

As a Spanish myself, I can confirm it :moustache:

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