And Ears Open
Some things need to be said about the crystal empire, at this point.
An entire civilization had skipped over a thousand plus years of cultural and technological development. In fact, without the support of their fleshy cousins from the south, the Crystal Ponies would have been flailing in international politics, and that was before factoring in their trauma due to Sombra. Even with the help of their Equestrian allies, the small territory of a once great and terrible empire only remained independent due to its precious manaline gemstones.
Granted, crystal workings were sparking a massive technological revolution not seen since the runic inscriptor's introduction, but that only meant monetary gain and stability. The actual culture itself was currently in a period of massive readjustment.
One of those readjustments had been in the reformation of the Crystal Forces. Prior to their banishment, only stallions had served in the steel armor, while mares stayed behind to forge the armor itself--two forms of strength, destruction and creation, that the ponies of their era had not yet comprehended could coexist. When Shining Armor had politely informed the military leaders that, yes, mares were actually in armor these days (and yes, there were stallions at the forges, actually it wasn't seen as a very feminine position anymore, yes actually some mares marry other mares, well stallion pairs have to adopt for obvious reasons, sir if you're going to cause a scene I'll have to ask you to leave), they had attempted to wrap their brains around the concept.
They had not, unfortunately, understood gender-separated regiments.
This was why these two ponies, chosen based on merit and competence alone, were a mare and a stallion. Neither of them actually cared about this at first, since they were soldiers, professionals, and not looking for a relationship. They'd met, nodded, judged each other good enough for the job, and now they were standing outside the royal chambers for the night.
Standing.
Staring at dim hallways.
Now, these were professional soldiers. Unphased by anything. If an army charged around the corner, fifty would fall before either of them had a droplet of sweat on their body. If a dragon crashed through the wall, they would lower their spears and go for the eyes without a second thought. If Sombra himself suddenly swirled into existence before them... well, there their opinions deferred. Azure Agate would go for decapitation, but Glory Gem would prefer to stick her polearm somewhere far more personal. They were tough, stalwart, brave defenders of this totally empty hallway, ready for anything.
"Mmmmmmmm...."
Well, almost anything.
"Mmmmmmrrrrrrrrr."
To their credit, the two guards barely flicked an ear before once more gaining stoic expressions. They knew that the ponies they were protecting were married. They knew that one of them was a powerful love mage, and the other apparently so filled with love that he could fuel a despot attempting to overthrow Celestia. (It still wasn't clear if it was because of modern living, changeling magic, or sheer dumb luck, but a number of Crystal Ponies had quietly thanked the fates that Shining Armor wasn't around when Sombra had reigned.) And, intellectually, they knew that married ponies in love would seek to express that love to each other with their whole being.
"Rrrrrrrrrmmmmgr.... ooooooooh Shiny...."
Azure Agate fought to keep himself from blushing. Glory Gem, being a more ruby coloration, took no such precaution. Neither of them made any movement.
"Do you like this?"
"Oh yeeeeeees."
A gentle cough escaped from Azure's lips. Glory's eyes flicked over his direction, but he was studiously studying the wall in front of him. She pulled her face back into position, mentally berating herself for her loss of control.
"Oh. Oooh, oh..."
"Oh, I thought you'd like that, Shine shine...."
An interesting fact about Crystal Ponies is that they don't blush with just their face. Or rather, they can't. The crystalline nature of their hides defracts light quite a bit, meaning that an ordinary blush would just be spread out to near invisibility across their whole body. It takes quite an observant eye to detect a mildly embarrassed crystal pony. But the fact was Azure Agate appeared to be tinted ever so slightly red, even to normal vision. And Glory Gem, for her part, seemed a bit brighter than she was a few moments ago.
"That's... lower, Cadance... lower..."
Azure took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "...loud, aren't they?"
Glory Gem shrugged, trying to keep her voice steady. "To a vulgar degree."
"Mmmmm, you taste niiiiiiiiice...."
"Maybe it's a modern culture thing," the stallion suggested quickly.
His partner nodded briefly. "A lot of modern culture seems loose like that. So many mares wear their manes unbound."
They dutifully ignored the happy squeaking.
"That Applejack pony doesn't," Azure Agate pointed out. "I hear she works on a farm."
Glory smiled briefly. "A true paragon of femininity in this twisted age."
"Mmm." The stallion nodded. "Yes she is."
"I do worry about that dressmaking friend of hers, though. Rarity, I think?" Glory shook her head. "She's far too thin, not enough muscle and hardly any fat. If Móðir ever got her hooves on her, she'd probably be forcefed some of her best bethmännchen."
"Yes, Shiny, oh, yes, yes...."
"Your mother bakes?" Azure asked a little too quickly.
"Quite a bit actually. She was--"
"Aaaaa.... ahaaaaaa..."
"--she was a baker," Glory forcefully continued, still staring straight ahead. "Back before, you know."
"Ah." The thoughts of you know would normally be unwelcome, but Azure found that they were helping to counter other unwelcome thoughts so he decided not to complain.
There was a bit of giggling. And then... "Oh, Shining Armor, don't stop..."
Just as suddenly the blushes returned to the bodies of the crystal ponies.
"...So. The Equestrian Games, huh?"
Azure nodded. "Yep. Quite the honor. I think lots of ponies will be coming."
"Coming to watch a bunch of professional athletes run and.... sweat..." Glory Gem took a breath. "Sorry, bad choice of topic."
"Right. Um." Azure Agate fished desperately for another thread of conversation.
"Lrrgruuuaaaaaa...."
"I always knew you were an ears stallion..."
"Trains!" Azure shook his head. "Sorry. Trains. Crazy, right?"
"Amazing machines, yes," Glory agreed rapidly, shifting a bit. "They go fast on tracks and drag carts."
"I would have liked to have those back in the mines." Azure gripped his spear a tad tighter. "Those harnesses--
"Oh I looooooove yooooou, yeeeeeeees..."
"...could... get tight," he continued, blinking. "Walking up and down the... tunnels. Trains would...."
The two guards attempted to avoid mental images of trains and tunnels, as well as ignore the sudden low feminine growl that came from behind them.
"...Did you hear about the mirror pool?" Glory Gem asked. "Apparently that pink mare--you know, the crazy jester one? She found it. All those duplicates bouncing around looking for fun--"
"Please stop," Azure said in a clipped tone.
"Sorry, I was just--"
"Pinke mares asking for fun," he explained briefly.
Glory's ears flicked back towards a sudden gasp. "Right. Sorry, bad... context."
"Now now Shiney... Ladies first, after all."
Azure Agate hissed with a wince.
Glory Gem's eyes flicked toward him. "Are you alright?"
"...my armor's tight," he explained briefly.
"Did you not adjust it correctly?"
"The flanchard's tight," Azure clarified.
Glory took a few minutes to process this, before blinking. "Oh. Huh."
Various grunts filled the already awkward silence.
"...If it helps," Glory offered, "my, uh, schynbalds are kind of rough against... you know."
Azure winced again. "That actually doesn't help, thank you."
A common rumor was that crystal ponies would glow when they were happy. This, again, stemmed from a misunderstanding of their crystalline nature, as well as a misunderstanding of emotion itself. While the exact relationship of emotion with the body was still hotly contested, and Cadance herself would insist that Love was not strictly speaking an emotion, it was well known in some circles that certain emotions were related to certain neurological chemicals. What wasn't quite as well known was that these chemicals each had a certain refractive quality, invisible in small amounts and usually hidden beneath layers of skin.
Crystal ponies were lucky enough to have that refractive quality magnified, or, as the now literally glowing guards realized, unlucky enough to have that refractive quality magnified.
"Deeper, hon," came a purr, and their glows both jolted up for a second. Azure winced again.
Glory cleared her throat. "There's.... a rat infestation in the basements...?"
"Horrible." Azure took a breath. "I, uh, hope the cleaning crew can deal with it soon."
"Your wings are so hot..."
"Yes, I absolutely hate rats," Glory continued blithely. "They used to run over me when I was a filly. Get into Móðir's baking supplies." She paused. "This actually isn't doing anything for me."
"Come on, Shiny, where's that guard stamina?"
Azure hissed again. "Damnation..."
Glory shut her eyes as her glow jolted up for a second, taking long slow breaths. "Should we ask them to be quieter?"
The stallion tilted his head. "I don't think getting a look would help either of us."
"Cadance, Cadance, oh Cadance..."
There was a snapping noise. It took Glory Gem a few seconds to realize it hadn't come from inside the room.
"Did.... did your flanchard just break loose?"
"Don't look!" hissed Azure.
"I'm not looking!" Glory caught her eyes and focused them forward. "I just.... Wow.
"Oh, yes, Shiney, that's it, yes...."
Azure took a deep breath, and let it out. "Arrrgh. Okay, just.... cold showers in the head."
"Bones too," Glory helpfully submitted. "Rotted corpses. That'll help, I think."
"Thanks."
"No...." Glory's light flickered up for a moment. "...no problem."
Various moans came through the door.
"...you just flickered."
"Yes." Glory coughed. "I did."
"I'm trying to avoid making a mess on the floor and you just flickered."
"It's different for mares!" Glory protested. "You stallions have a cannon, it needs to be prepped and goes out all in one blow! We've got arrows, they... they're not as intense, but they fire quicker and they build up!"
"GRIP MY FLANK SHINEY HON!"
"How many?" Azure asked calmly.
"Two so far," Glory admitted. "And there's still some arrows left in the quiver. Fractals and geodes, I did not expect to be talking about this on duty..."
"That makes two of us."
Glory gave Azure a sympathetic smile. "Hey, at least you're not alone."
Azure smiled back.
Glory's eyes drifted. "...wow, you're big--"
"Don't look!"
"Sorry! Sorry..."
The two of them snapped their gazes back forward. They ignored the sudden shout of their princess, or at least they made no comment.
"...at least you can get a mare," Glory grumbled. "Me, no stallion would ever look my way."
Azure took a moment to examine his companion. "I don't know why, you're very... attractive."
That earned him a dry chuckle. "I think you're a little..." The mare flickered with a shudder and a blink. "...biased right now."
"Maybe..." Azure admitted, bringing his eyes forward again. "Doesn't mean it's not true. Three now?"
Glory coughed. "Yeah. Not the last. Anyway, do you think I'd be in the guard if I fit in with normal mares? Nope, the boys all pass me over."
"MORE SHINEY! GIVE ME MORE!"
Azure Agate took a breath, trying to ignore a growing warmth. "Well... it could just be that they're still getting over Sombra."
"Uh huh." Glory Gem rolled her eyes. "Thanks for trying to spare my feelings."
"I'm serious. Just because the worse is gone... do you know I used to love crystal corn?" Azure sighed. "Now I can't stand the sight of it.... I get flashbacks to that time where my father didn't prepare a meal just right and...."
Glory blinked. Then she lowered her head. "I'm sorry. I... didn't know."
"He was number seven that day." Azure's voice was soft. "Out of thirteen--"
"How much do you like this?!"
"OH I LOVE THIS HONEYBUN! I WANT TO SCREAM YOUR NAME TO THE WORLD!"
Glory Gem snorted.
"...and there goes the serious tone," Azure Agate grumbled. "And I'm still trying to hold back."
"SHINING ARMOR! YES! I LOVE YOU SHINY! YES! OH YES YES!"
Glory Gem flickered again. "...Four. Oh wow. I'm usually tuckered out by now."
Azure Agate snickered. "Helps that you're not actually doing anything."
"Heh." She rolled her eyes. "Yeah."
"Yes, yes yes... yes yes yes..."
"Oh Cadance, oh Cadance, oh oh oh oooooooooh."
"Oh yes. I love you Shiny..."
"I love you Cadie..."
Then, at last, silence.
The guards stared ahead into the dim hallway.
After a moment, they both leaned their spears against the wall.
Glory sighed. "We're going to give into our carnal urges any moment now, aren't we."
"If you like, I could go to a broom closet..." Azure offered.
"Nah." She began unbuckling her Croupiere. "I'm not going to leave you hanging like that. Besides, I'd prefer something other then my spear; don't want to get the equipment dirty."
"...Alright. If you're sure you're okay with this." Azure walked over, helping her take off the back of her armor. "Are you in heat, by any chance?"
"No, thank the crystals." Glory kneeled down. "Just do what we need to to cool down, nothing fancy."
Azure gripped her waist, pulling himself up."I've been holding back for a bit so it might take me a while..."
"Take as long as you need. Just so long as you take me on a date next time we're off."
"Fair enough."