The talk
[The dreaded talk.
The pure embodiment of the awkward stage of a young colts life. Every question answered in one brutally honest and disturbing talk with your own father. The single most scarring discussion that can be had between two ponies within the same family, the most irreversibly life changing exchange of words that does not end in either “it’s a boy/girl” or “you may now kiss the bride”.
“What are you talking about?” you say
“You’re being to dramatic?” you say
“What’s wrong with you?” you say
Well I can see why you would say that, after all you did not have Darkened, the Father that makes Discord look like an element of harmony give you “The Talk”
His methods can be a bit…unorthodox… What you don’t believe me?
O.K. Let’s watch.]
In Silent’s Bedroom…
“So son, you are going through a… different time of your life.” Darkened said in a most serious tone as he paced back and forth across the room.
“You will be beginning to notice mares a little bit more, they may begin to make you feel… strange. And that is ok. There is nothing wrong with you, do not fear everypony go through this stage of life. I went through it when I was your age as well. And it is not just young stallions that go through this process either, mares are even more affected by it that we stallions are.”
“Dad…. You really don’t have to—” Silent began
The room seemed to get progressively darker as Silent's father, who was still pacing back and forth, spoke.
“Shut up son… anyway, where was I? Oh yes, the mares. As I was saying mares are even more of a mess then we are. They become evil, sadistic, manipulative things. They are pure masses of volatile hormonal instincts that cannot be understood, even they do not truly know what they want, yet for some strange reason they seem to believe that men do know what it is they want and will always expect us to give it to them...” Darkened then, quite suddenly, grabbed Silent and forced him to look into his fathers eyes which had grown dark and not only a little crazy, “It is maddening son, MADDENING!!!!!.”
*bang* *bang* *bang*
At the sound of someone knocking on the door Darkened snapped his head towards the door, his words quickened and became almost a whisper, so much so that Silent could only hear a snippet of it.
All he could discern was something along the lines of…
“suddenly there came a tapping,
As of some one gently rapping, rapping at my chamber door.”
Pure then burst open the door and proceeded to drag a now flailing Darkened out of the room, slamming the door behind the two as she left.
“Well that was odd” said a now very confused Silent.
Out in the hall...
“What do you think you are doing?” pure asked in a hushed tone so that their son could not hear them.
“I am telling him the same thing that my father told me when I was young.” Darkened replied
Pure facehoofed saying “Darkened…”
“Yeesss” Darkened replied with a joking grin
“Your father… well quite frankly, he was a psychopath.” Pure said trying to say serious
“YOU CAN’T PROVE THAT! EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE DOCTORS, ALL SIX HUNDRED AND THIRTY FIVE OF THEM, HAD IT OUT FOR MY DAD AND YOU... YOU ARE JUST JEALOUS!!” Darkened yelled
“… what… what are you talking about, your father was crazy.” Pure said with a somewhat shocked expression.
“Yea I know, I just like to mess with you” Darkened said with a sneer.
“Ugh, whatever, just don’t confuse him that much, how about this, I will talk to him about girls."
"Mhm" Darkened replied whilst staring at his hoof
"And you talk to him about sex… ok.” Pure said.
“Ok, so we both just stick to what we are good at and stay away from what we don’t understand. Right?” Darkened said opening the door.
“Precisely… hey wait a second!” Pure began, but Darkened had already closed the door.
Back in Silent’s room…
“Anyway as I was saying,” said Darkened as he closed the door behind him, “….MADDENING”
“DAAAAAAAAAARRRRRK!!!” Pure could be heard yelling through the door.
“I’m KIDDING honey, shesh” Darkened replied with a snicker.
“So your mother wants to talk to you about girls, like how you are supposed to treat them and all that junk. I, on the other hoof, am here to inform you on the more… basic dealings with mares.” Darkened said with a positively evil grin as he slowly withdrew two small dolls from behind his back.
Both of the dolls were pegasi, but Silent notice something odd about them. The first one, was pure white, her proportions put her at around the same stature as princes Celestia. The second one was quite a bit bigger than the white one, it was jet black and had large bat-like… [Holy buck they are his parents!]
“Dad, please tell me that those aren’t who I think they are?” A very concerned Silent said.
“They probably are”
“why do you even have those?”
“Think for a second… do you REALLY want to know the answer to that question?”
“…no”
“I though not.”
“Can’t you get some other dolls?”
“You have no idea how many times I have asked your mom that question?”
“So no?”
“As far as you are concerned there are no other dolls”
“So do we really have to use the dolls?”
“Oh… would you rather the live performance?”
“NO”
“Then yes, we have to use the dolls.”
“No, I mean why can’t you just tell me and not show me at all?”
“Well what would be the fun of that?” asked Darkened, who was very pleased about how he was going tear his own son’s child hood apart. [like I said, unorthodox]
[ok, so because of the private nature of this next part we have been informed that we are not allowed to show or tell you what is happening, so please enjoy this nice picture of a kitten instead]
[alright we have been informed that the talk and…”demonstration” has ended]
[now back to the story!!!!!]
“BAM BAM BAM” Darkened yelled as he violently slammed the two dolls into each other.
“OH YES” he yelled holding up the White doll so Silent could know exactly who was saying what.
“BAM BAM BA—
[Oh crap, we are very sorry you had to see that, we misread the message, and we sincerely apologies for that]
[ holy cow that took a long time, poor kid... but we have been absolutely assured that the “demonstration has ended]
Back in Silent’s bedroom…
“And that is how you sex a mares brains out” concluded Darkened as he left the room, but not before tucking in his now shaking son.
In the hall outside of the room…
Pure sat at the end of the hall, her jaw hit the floor as Darkened walked past her.
“I… I don’t scream that loud” she said defensively
“Yea you do.” Darkened said with a grin.
“Prove it.” Pure said returning the devilish grin
“With pleasure milady” Darkened said sweeping his wife off her feet and into the bedroom.
Later that night in Silent’s room....
*thump* *thump* *thump*
Silent could hear the noise through the wall and he hid farther under his covers.
“They’re just jumping on the bed, they’re just jumping on the bed, they’re just jumping on the bed…” he began to say under his breath.
In Mr. and Ms. Charger’s room…
“No we're not!!!” Shouted Darkened at the wall.
“Honey, what are you doing? Stop jumping on the bed and stop yelling at the wall. Go to sleep.” Pure said with a satisfied expression on her face.
“Yea Yea, just like five more minutes.”