Illness vs. Sickness · 2:27am Jul 11th, 2020
I haven't been able to write (or do) hardly anything in months, even though I'm off during the Summer and stuck inside. At first I thought it was mental illness, but much of it's still physical, and I don't quite know where the separation twixt the two lies.
Also, the brony world appears to have descended into chaos.
Everypony is taking a side and labeling everypony who doesn't take their side (or, any side) as The Enemy. This is how fascism begins, by "othering" those who used to be friends. My heart is presently breaking in two.
I didn't want to make a post about the current situation, but there are people on both sides of the "debate" who have strongly encouraged me to say something, because they're too afraid to speak themselves and they trust my voice (despite being on opposite sides of the fence). I'm referring to authors here with thousands of followers, and no, I'm not naming names. I think they have some important things to say and I wish they felt comfortable speaking out by themselves, but they don't, and I honestly can't blame them.
The mane problem is that I'm not ready to speak out. Not yet, at least. I have far too much to say, and I'm too incapacitated by whatever has been making my heart rate very high, my blood pressure very low, severe fatigue that comes and goes, and zero motivation to do anything creative at all (I deeply apologize for the lack of story updates, but I'm dead inside right now so it just isn't possible).
However, with pain comes motivation, which I haven't had in months. I think I may be able to speak soon. Maybe only for myself, but that's as it should be.
Please be patient, and I hope all of you are well. 
Hope you get better, will be praying for you
You and me both. This has been an absolute shitshow that never needed to happen.
This isn't the first time the fanbase has been accused of some dumb shit, it won't be the last.
~Skeeter The Lurker
We all hope you get better. But this is the second person who's told me that something is now wrong with our Fandom. Maybe I haven't been in the right places, but the only thing that I've seen wrong, thus far, is too many clop fics end up in the stupid feature box.
I'm not keeping up with the fandom drama too closely at all--it sounds like the bulk of it is centered around Derpibooru, which I hardly ever use except when looking for cover art--but what I've seen of it looks like a bit of a total clusterfuck. Sorry to hear you've been caught up in that on top of everything else. Hoping things get better for you and others soon.
You know what I always say, but I will anyway...You take care of you first, dear Trixie. I hope you feel better soon.
Though I've not shared thoughts with those I know, I have read enough to tell there are strong opinions on both sides. While good to see the discussion, it pains me to see a fandom based on friendship being so mean to one another. I hope that we all come together and remember why we are here.
But I will always be here.
Take care. *hugs*
Log out, tune out. Personally, I've given up on the whole endeavour, but then my starting perspective wasn't too common in the first place.
The only way to win is to not play.
Technically fascism is just Italian socialism (not that that's a good thing either), but I know what you mean. You're right, of course.
Unfortunately, (I don't rightly know what happened, btw) we live in a highly polarized time. And the pressure to speak your mind is often insurmountable. In fact, I think it is good, in a way. If you don't speak, you will not be heard. Though it does make enemies. (And sometimes speaking shows everyone that you're an idiot.)
Also, I know you're on meds that are probably messing with you. But I just feel like I should mention, make sure it's not carbon monoxide poisoning. It exhibits similar symptoms, is nearly impossible to diagnose, and is rarely considered by doctors. It's a problem that can be absurdly easy to get, and nearly impossible to even identify.
For many years, my grandpa had the same symptoms on and off. He would go to the hospital, get better, go home and get worse. Nobody could figure it out. Quite by accident, I happened to check on his house mechanicals at precisely the right moment, while the central air was running, and the water heater just kicked on. It blew the hot exhaust in my face. It took a bit of sleuthing, but I found that his ventilation system had a major leak, so when the air was on, it was actively creating a vacuum inside the house. Thus pulling air down the chimney instead of allowing exhaust fumes to go up.
Sadly, I don't think he ever got better from that. I attribute it to his doctors putting him on a million different meds to fix problems that were actually symptoms of CO poisoning.
I've had it a couple times, btw. It fucking sucks. Maybe spend a lot of time in fresh air, see if it helps. (It takes days to get over it, mind you.)
I'm sorry you've been having such a bad time, in all the various ways.
Good luck.
(And I'm not doing too badly at the moment, personally, I think; thanks. :)
As for the chaos, though... that, I don't know what to do about either, I'm afraid. I've mostly also been trying to keep my head down, especially since I get the feeling my actual views are quite possibly a combination of "That's a very important question to which I do not presently have an answer." and "Here's something that you'll both hate!", and given how unlikely it seems that me wading in would do all that much good even absolutely, much less vs. what it could cost me... well.
I'm sorry about your heartbreak. For what it's worth, although we aren't super close or anything, I don't assume everyone not on My Side is The Enemy, and I highly doubt that whatever your views are would be so repulsive to me that they put you on an opposed side.
(I'm also not trying to be one of those people urging you to say something when I don't expect to; it sounds like on balance you don't want to also just keep your head down here, but I wouldn't mind if you did.))
The problem that plagues me in Civilization has leaked into the real world: My friends are starting to declare war on each other and I don't know who to support. At least no one's words are backed by nuclear weapons this time.
Hope you feel better soon, Trick.
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I get the sense that any time people fight for mindshare, they dehumanize the people that own those minds. I'm lucky since most ponies I interact with don't seem to be doing that. That fact that so many see the fandom as a demilitarized zone makes it rather special. That's worth a lot more to me than having any particular side "win".
If you're uncomfortable, or don't feel like you have anything to say or any right to speak out, you don't have to speak out. No one will hold that against you.
But speaking up to say "Why can't we all just get along?" isn't really helpful when people are fighting for their lives. :/
I've just decided to drop out of the Fandom for awhile.
5305758
True but it'll come here eventually. It always does.
Take care of yourself, and do as much or little as you feel like. Your thoughts are always appreciated, but you don't owe anyone here anything. Even after you rest up, if you decide you want to write a 70,000 word smut fic instead of addressing Very Important Issues, it's your life and your time. I just hope you feel better soon.
5305987
I didn't say anything like that.
I agree with most of the cultural change going on at the moment, but that isn't what I'm discussing. People in our fandom are not largely "fighting for their lives" right now. They're demonizing each other over assumed positions on a racism vs. censorship debate in our public spaces. You make it sound like half the fandom is literally trying to kill the other half. That kind of exaggeration is part of the problem.
5305987
5306007
Also, forgive me if I sound rude. I'm not good at judging how my words sound sometimes, and I have a lot of respect for you and no anger or antipathy here.
5306007
I mean, one side is mad because the other side doesn’t want Nazis in the fandom. I don’t think that’s an unreasonable stance, and I’m not sure how much I trust people who do want Nazis in the fandom.
5306003
Thank you.
Wait. You're just trying to encourage me to write a 70,000 word smut fic, aren't you?
5306007
I feel like the two are at least adjacent if not interconnected. Like, supporting a space that allows those people prolongs the social malaise the rest of us are fighting against. I see the fandom as a microcosm of society at large, which, yeah, may be hyperbolic. It's also the only space where I can effectively communicate with anyone regarding big issues I care about. :B Sorry for taking your words out of context.
5306011
I have known you long enough to understand this. :)
5306198
No! Of course not! Just, ya know, if you were inspired to write one, about, I dunno, TwiJack, I'd never blame you for focusing on that. I'm here to support you!
I hope you feel better, and along with everybody else I hope things get better in general. Like others have said better than I can, take care and post whenever and whatever feels right to you.
This. This is why I’ve kept relatively quiet. There’s no room left in most comment sections for anything approaching civil discussion, no room legitimately ask questions, find common ground, or better ourselves by listening to and learning from each other. I hope that changes, and not just on our tiny corner of the internet.
5306198
2020 may go down as the year I shifted from nonvocal apolitical to vocal moderate. What's it mean to be a vocal moderate? It means I get called a Communist by the right and a Nazi by the left. I feel you 100% on the entrenchment and embattling of the current political landscape. If I suggest maybe we should have a look at our medical system and see if we could reduce costs somewhere, I'm somehow the enemy of the right. If I so much as insinuate that the police/civilian interaction statistics don't line up with the police/black interaction statistics, the whole of the left wants to bust in my windows. But if I only use the police/civilian interaction statistics, then suddenly I'm right back to public enemy number one with the right. There's just no fucking end to this bullshittery.
Walking the tightrope which is political neutrality has become walking the laser beam. Which, if you're unaware, is impossible to walk. I credit that largely to one side in particular launching a direct attack on the very concept of neutrality itself. It's... almost an intimidation tactic. "Hey. Heard you haven't said anything about our cause. Well, when will you? P.S. Let us tell you the right answer. Or there will be consequences." Let me remind you that you just are as entitled to your lack of an opinion as you are entitled to your opinion. Let no one take that from you. Silence to protect your mental health is not violence, and only a self-centered, narrow-minded political tribalist would so egregiously attack your neutrality by saying that it is. Recognize your limits, and give yourself time and space to shut down and shut out the toxicity. It's ok to put you first.
This is the same exact thing that ALWAYS happens when nazis are allowed into a community space. It doesn't matter if one is not one to take sides, this is going to happen anyway. The conflict, the labeling, the anxious feelings and strife? It has a singular source. And it won't be resolved by trying to build bridges. Just ask the furries, punkrockers, etc.
That said, if you feel you don't have the energy to help resolve the situation, being honest about that is the better stance.
I just hope you start feeling better soon Trick. This year has been historically bad for just about everyone everywhere, and unfortunately our fandom is no exception. I can't wait for it to be all over, frankly.
5306289
Since AppleDash is canon now it has to be a three-way. Sorry not sorry.
5306658
Because I'm so very, very supportive of you in whatever you want to do, I will go back in time and become mod of an AppleDashLight group six years ago, just so that you have a place to put that fic. I'm such a good friend that I would bend time for
a AppleDashLight smut ficYOU!(Kidding, of course. Take care of yourself!)
No one is, or should be, obligated to speak up.
It's wrong to try and force people to pick sides. Indeed, black and white, "with us or against us" thinking is very toxic to begin with.
So don't feel pressured to speak up. You're under no obligation to say anything or to "pick sides" (as if there are ever truly only two sides in anything ever, anyway).
I'm sorry you're having a rough time of things. I hope you feel better soon.
5305926 I'm puzzled by the many downvotes this comment provoked.
5318975
I would guess it is because the comment begins by suggesting that fascism is merely a cultural flavor of socialism. According to the usual meanings of both words today, this implies that state-run social services are fundamentally authoritarian in nature, which is a little disingenuous and argument-provoking.
5319018
Ah. I see your point, but I think that to make it, you used the word "socialism" in contradiction to its usual meaning today. The US has a vast array of government-run social services, from national defense to national public radio, yet people who call themselves socialist don't call the US socialist.
But I admit that calling Italian fascism "socialism" feels odd to me.
5318975 Oh hey Bad Horse, haven't you heard? Apparently I'm a Nazi, or so say the hoards of free speech hating communists around here. So surely that's reason enough to downvote old Red, wouldn't you say?
Never mind the fact that I state the truth - we can't have that either! I will grant that the F-word has diversified in meaning since the original usage, which I mentioned. I was just being a smartass and picking nits, really. But I'd imagine comparing a word that is in these days used to describe literal Nazis, to something so innocent and heavenly as socialism (something that's never, ever caused any harm), must've pissed off a bunch of commies. Or perhaps socialists. But again, it is the historical truth of the matter.
5319018 I guess I can see that line of thinking, but again, the word meant one thing first and another thing second, not the other way around. Besides, there's a massive difference between socialism and social services / programs. Naturally, some people don't get that. And that's really not what I meant at all. But you know, apparently nobody who downvoted me has the balls to maybe stop and ask what I meant.