To Celestia's surprise, the journey to wherever the muggers were using as a hideout was rather short. By her count, it was only a few minutes before she felt a rush of cool air wash over her as they entered an air-conditioned building. Of course, it wasn't all good, as the building that they entered had a distinctly musky smell; something that her royal nose was admittedly not used to.
About a minute or so after they entered the building, Princess Celestia felt herself being lifted off of the stallion's back and placed down on a chair. She instantly felt thick ropes wrapping around her body, binding her to the chair, and she was thankful that necessity had dictated that she be stoic when faced with stressful situations. If she hadn't been trained as such, she would have burst out laughing right then and there.
When her kidnappers had finished tying her up, she figured that now was as good of a time as any to "wake up". Slowly, she opened her eyes and let out a groggy groan of mock pain.
As her eyes slowly opened, she was able to gauge her surroundings for the first time. The space was only lit with a singular lamp. The room itself looked to be little more than a small apartment, as there were only a few run-down beds and a minuscule table next to a tiny kitchenette in the room. Very cramped conditions for her four kidnappers. In that moment, she felt a little pity for the muggers. Clearly this was the reason they had been drawn to crime, despite Celestia's best efforts to combat poverty.
Well, it is time to fully wake up. She opened her eyes and let out a dramatic gasp, struggling weakly against her bonds. "Please let me go! I told you that I was gonna get you all of the money you wanted!"
The stallion who had led her to the alley guffawed at her and shook his head. "And we told you that we'd let you go once we got some ransom money from whatever family you belong to." The stallion's smile slowly faded and he uneasily scratched the back of his neck. "Uh... which family would that be again?"
Celestia sighed dramatically and hung her head. "It doesn't matter. They wouldn't pay my ransom even if you only asked them for one bit."
The muggers exchanged confused glances. "What do you mean?" one of the mares asked.
Celestia sniffled and she would have wiped her eyes with a wing, were she not secured to the chair. "Oh, it's positively dreadful! My father is a very cruel stallion who came to resent me after my mother died giving birth to me. My stepmother hates me just as much, if not more than my father does! She makes me clean our mansion every day!"
The lead stallion cleared his throat and put a hoof on Celestia's shoulder. "Well look, kid, I'm sure it's not that—"
"But it is!" Celestia wailed. "Do you know how mortified my unicorn father was when he found out that he had produced a pegasus? My family has been all unicorns for ages, and I broke that streak by having wings instead of a horn!"
"Oh, it can't be so bad," the other mare assured her, "I mean, you get to fly, don't you?"
Celestia shook her head. "No. Father keeps me locked in my room all day. I'm only allowed out to clean and eat out of a dog dish for the amusement of our guests."
The muggers stared at her in a stunned silence for a moment. The only sound in the apartment was that of Celestia's fake sobs until one of the muggers worked up the courage to speak. "You're messing with us, aren't you?"
Celestia sniffled and raised her head. "Huh?"
"Yeah," said the first mare, "you had me until the 'dog dish' part."
"Seriously, I think Celestia, or some authority, would know if that happened, particularly if your father entertains guests frequently," the first stallion agreed.
Celestia raised an eyebrow in surprise. Maybe they weren't as dumb as she had originally thought. She rolled her eyes and huffed. "Well it was worth a shot, wasn't it? I mean, you all just kidnapped me."
The second stallion shrugged. "I suppose so, but the fact remains that you got carried away."
"I mean, 'dog dish'?" The lead stallion snorted. "How dumb do you think we are?"
"Pretty dumb," Celestia admitted.
The lead stallion rolled his eyes and shook his head. "Well that doesn't really matter right now. What matters is where you actually come from. We need to know who to send the ransom note to!"
Celestia opened her mouth to respond, but was cut off when a roll of parchment popped into existence above them. It landed at her hooves and bounced on the floor. She groaned inwardly. Now, Twilight? You had to send me a letter now?
The second mare cocked her head in interest at the sight of the scroll, and she fired up her horn, taking the scroll in her magical grasp to unroll it.
The second stallion frowned and looked over her shoulder. "What is it?"
The mare unrolled the scroll, and began scanning the parchment.
"Dear Princess Celestia,
Today I learned that you can't always get what you want, even when you think you really need something. Pinkie Pie taught me that sometimes it is better to make sacrifices for your friends, even to the detriment of yourself. I must say that I have grown from this experience and look forward to sending you more friendship letters.
Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle."
The mare looked up from the parchment with a look of utter bewilderment on her face. "Is this some kind of joke or something? Why were you sent a letter addressed to the princess?"
For the first time that day, Celestia felt unease creep up in her stomach. They had already proved that they weren't complete morons, and if they somehow figured out that she was the Princess then she would have to cut it off now. If that happened, then Luna would never let her go out again without a tail from the guards. That would be boring, make no mistake about it. No, she really wanted to see where this would go.
She sighed and hung her head again. "Okay, do you want to know the truth?" Her kidnappers nodded. "I'm a liaison between the princess' protégé and the princess herself. I live and work at the castle."
Her kidnappers simultaneously gasped, and the lead stallion shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe it, we managed to get one of Celestia's personal servants!" He turned to his fellows and grinned. "I was thinking a five hundred-thousand-bit ransom, but what do you say we triple that?" His fellows eagerly nodded in agreement, and he turned his attention back to Celestia. "You're not going anywhere for a while."
A small grin played at Celestia's lips, despite her biting her tongue to prevent it. Oh good.
Can't wait for the next chapter!
Straight up trollestia up in here XD
oh I just can;t wait till they find out they got celestia.
Celestia be trollin'. Good work.
I like how the kidnappers are just a little bit genre savvy. When Celestia's story got to the dog dish part, in my head I was all like 'Okay, really now?' It's nice that they had pretty much the same reaction.
I just read the last chapter like.. An hour ago.
YESH
Well, wasn't expecting that!
Tia really needs to lay off the high drama, that's for sure. Seriously, dog dish? Fail.
This looks like it's going to be fun. Hope we get to see Luna's response to the ransom note.
2509137 They'll just quadruple the ransom.
This... this has the potential to be my favorite comedy fic ever... I'm beyond excited to see what happens next!
Think about it muggers... You kidnapped somepony who gets personal magical letters from the Twilight Sparkle. The same Twilight Sparkle who took on Discord and Nightmare Moon, and recently ascended. Said pony is responsible for acting directly between said Twilight Sparkle and Princess Celestia herself. Now you are going to try to ransom said personage...
You are REALLY LUCKY you have the princess herself instead of said pony because if you had the pony above you would find yourselves banished to a dungeon in the place you were banished to.
2509196 Are you kidding? They'll start begging her not to send them to the moon.
2509196 6 million bits should pretty much cover their combined medical bills after Luna barges in and fries them all to a crisp/tears them all into pieces in eight seconds flat.
I hope the muggers are stupid enough to not ruin Celestia's day by figuring out who she is!
gawd this is very very funny
Not bad, I'm really looking forward to more of this.
Oh this is gonna be EPIC!
This seems kinda needlessly cruel of Celestia to drop on Luna so I'm hoping Celestia gets chewed out for this...
I'm not one that comments often, but this is genius.
Trolling fits Celestia too well.
"Persona" should be "personal".
2509445 Would you like some popcorn with that?
iambrony.steeph.tp-radio.de/mlp/gif/popcorn.gif
TOO BAD
I BE EATIN IT ALLZ UP
KYAHAHEH!
This is proving to be quite promising!
Oh...oh this is too damn good not to follow. They'll be flip'n tables by the end.
Clearly this was the reason they had been drawn to crime, despite Celestia's best efforts to combat poverty.
Um, NO.
For every poor crook 'drawn to crime' there are millions of poor who DON'T rob. Crooks are drawn to crime because they're wicked, lazy, and dumb enough to think that stealing is easier than earning a living.
At that last part, I couldn't help but feel that with afew key changes, this would all fit into some kind of bondage session...
Holy hedgerows, this is going to get crazy.
oh ho ho, this gonna get interesting...
2509555 Get your own,
*heavy voice*
"This popcorn cost over 1 million dollars"
2509513
Right, REAL crooks know that stealing as a living is just as much work as an honest job...wait.
I can see this panning out in two ways. One, they find out they have Celestia and she is forced to break out ruining her fun. Two, Luna comes in and beats the crap out of all of them. Both should be interesting, but I think I'm leaning towards the latter.
Also,
heh heh, anyone want to wager what will happen after she willingly goes along with all this?
A. Luna almost beats the shit out of them
B. Celestia verbally beats the shit out of them
C. They die of embarrassment
D. They are thrown in the dungeon for XXX years
E. Both B, and D,
F. Both A, and B,
G. All of the above
H. Pinkie pie breaks the fourth wall and fires them out of her party cannon
TOO THE MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON
2509595 :P
1 bit = solid gold coin
solid gold = valuable commidity
Wait, kidnapping?
Let me get bertha out of her case... there we go, now could you move a little to the left, i dont want to get any blood on the pony.
Okay i deleted the other comment because i realize it was aaaa BIT rude....
But seriously i see no reason for a dislike button on this website... all it does is harm the self esteem of others if you hate the story, comment on why you hate it, dont just leave a stupid "dislike"
(For voting reference the vote on this comment is 1 up 2 down, just a heads up to let you know that they downvoted and upvoted to something COMPLETELY different)
Short chapter, but nice. You're doing a good job balancing all the elements of Celestia's personality.
This is hilarious, I love it.
Just a thought, anyone else find the picture worthy of a
D'AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW?
2509761
Affirmative.
This reminds me of the episode of DBZ where goku gets kidnapped.
This story.... I like it...
I actually like it slightly better than the T.D.verse....
PROCEED WITH THE TROLLING!
2508685
I just can't believe how many times you seem to rise just to fall again. I hope to see more improvement from you, though.
Nice save on her part.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2509997 I just did a major edit with the commas and such.
When I saw the title, I was briefly worried that she was going to get raped.
Thankfully, this seems to be something I can read.
celestia: *the letter from twilight appears* SHIIIIIIT....!
*reads the end* MOOOOOAR
2510017 No, this will stay Everyone.
Oh Celly, you've done this all wrong.
You should have name dropped an urban legend crime boss and said that he was gonna be PISSED about you being late.
Wowza!
2510035
You know, that's actually one reason why I actually started reading this. That, and the two lines at the bottom of the summary. Exactly when are we going to see the Princess of the Night freak out? I'm assuming next chapter.
Again, can you guess what you need to correct? Both chapters currently need some editing, over various types of mistakes. Commas, sure. That isn't all you need to look for, though.
Hope to see the next segment turn out just as inventive as the last two. Congrats on being featured again, by the way.
2510117 Thank you. But yes, I am getting an editor to smooth this out before it goes off to EQD. We're going to make this one as good as possible!
pinkie.ponychan.net/chan/files/src/136684202818.gif