Main Reviews #20: Together Forever (spoiler warning) · 3:17pm Dec 12th, 2015
This isn’t walking.
This isn’t feeling.
This isn’t seeing.
This isn’t hearing.
This isn’t feasting.
This isn’t living.
Six three-word sentences, all used to incredible effect when grouped together.
What if all you knew, all you physically were, was a lie? A projection forced upon you?
We’re about to explore those possibilities, and more, within. Join me for a different take on immortality, and an examination of just how terrifying the power of love can be.
Snake Staff presents: Together Forever.
Author: Snake Staff
Synopsis:
Hundreds of years have passed since the wedding of Princess Cadence and Shining Armor. As with all mortal life, Shining Armor was fated to die and his soul to pass from the world. But with magic, his end was averted. What price will his immortality demand?
Length: 38,307 words over 11 chapters, averaging 3,482 words per chapter
Status: Complete
Review: What to say about immortality that hasn’t been said already? Quite frankly, there isn’t really much at all. There are points for and against both side of the argument, even though there’s no real way that we, human, as a species, could ever achieve it in the physical sense. Perhaps it’s why so many feel like they have to leave a legacy to pass down; it’s the next best thing in their eyes to be remembered long after their bones have eroded into calcium dust.
Presented as early as the opening episode of MLP, we have the idea (yet to be disproven) that Celestia and Luna are eternal beings. Whether their kind of longevity is subject to an eventual natural end, agelessless beyond a certain point reached long ago, or true invulnerability will probably never be revealed. What is known about them is that they were born natural alicorns.
But this is at odds with Princess Cadance and Princess Twilight, who we both know were once a pegasus and a unicorn before being gifted this seemingly ultimate physical condition. The topic remains an ever-heated debated, a subject of many a fic written purely to assert one’s own headcanon. I, personally, have no strong opinion one way or the other, simply because I have not been presented any evidence to suggest either way that Cadance and Twilight are also now as ageless as their diarchal peers.
Sorry for those seemingly irrelevant paragraphs there, but I felt it was important to establish why I can tolerate reading both stories that give the ascended alicorns immortality, and stories that have them living out more natural lifespans. This fic is not like others, though. While Cadance’s immortality is established as early as the story's title, the real focus is on not her immortality, but that of her husband, who really—as a point of incontestable fact—should have ceased to be centuries before the events of this story.
Together Forever opens on a somber note—beginning with the internal monologue of one Prince-consort Shining Armor of the Crystal Empire—against a deceptively excited and glorious backdrop. The story wastes absolutely no time establishing its core theme: that everything has a price.
This isn’t living.
Shining Armor should have died a very long time before this chapter even begins. Yet next to his dutiful wife he stands while she (they) smiles, waves, and greets a lengthy procession of foreign dignitaries arriving for the World Forum of Peace and Cooperation, or the World Summit for short. As Shining so eloquently puts his thoughts on the event:
We have hundreds of guests here, all to endure – excuse me, “attend” – what’s become a generational ritual: the World Forum of Peace and Cooperation. For a solid week, guests will listen to speeches, attend balls and feasts, socialize, and fraternize, all for the purpose of building trust and friendship between our lands. Then they’ll go home, forget the whole thing, and do what they were going to do anyway.
Do I sound a bit cynical? Sorry, it’s hard to remain optimistic when you remember that many of these delegates are from nations with blood grudges against each other, land disputes, trade wars, religious tensions, and so on. On one particularly memorable occasion, two nations actually went to war over drunken insults exchanged between ambassadors during one of these conferences. I know Twily meant well when she started this whole tradition two centuries ago, but even as the Princess of Friendship she’s still a bit naïve about the power of violence.
After the first WFPC at Twily’s castle, it was decided to hold it in a different place every time, to symbolize the international nature of the event. This year, it’s the Crystal Empire’s turn to host. Lucky us.
So yeah, he’s not exactly thrilled to be there. But then again, he’s not exactly thrilled to be anywhere, at any point in time. The Shining Armor that we know from the show is long gone, in many ways than one. For the past four centuries, he has lived as nothing more than a crystal golem, his consciousness tethered inside a body designed to last as long as his long-lived wife’s.
This opening chapter raises questions, not least of which is why he allows this form of existence to continue if he is so discontented with it. It’s here that the story throws in its first darker undertones, and answers the main question in our minds.
Cadence, my lovely princess, seems to have gotten quite attached to me.
She even whispered to me one night that she was considering taking her own life if I passed, no matter what I or anypony else thought about it.
Cadence had to beg me for days before I agreed.
I couldn’t protect my wife from Chrysalis or Sombra as I had wished, but I could at least protect her from suicidal depression. In the end, I consented.
Didn’t I say before that the power of love can be terrifying?
Although Together Forever is fundamentally a story about how forced immortality is like being Blessed With A Curse, Shining Armor himself doesn’t play much of a role, at least not directly anyway. From chapter two onwards, it is Princess Cadance who steals centre stage as the 1st-person narrative shifts to her PoV. Cadance goes over a lot of things, getting the reader up to date with her own thoughts on Shining’s situation, the World Summit, and her own internal conflicts. She’s not quite so cynical of everything unfolding around her as Shining is, but she’s far more critical of herself, because she knows and painfully acknowledges constantly that what she’s done to Shining is unnatural and selfish. To me, it’s the one thing that keeps her from being completely insane.
What also soon becomes clear is the depths to which Cadance will descend in order to preserve her dear husband’s existence. The story does a great job of showing Cadance’s hopes, dreams, and wishes alongside her insecurities, fear, and self-loathing. It turns out that Shining Armor’s crystal golem body was never intended to be permanent, just a basic (if dressed-up) form of indefinite life support. But Cadance has a plan which, if successful, could not only help her and her husband live a (relatively) normal life, but completely revolutionise how ponies view life and death.
I feel like this could be (or maybe it already has been) a make-or-break point in the story where suspension of disbelief is concerned. Cadance is clearly only barely in control of her sanity by the slimmest of threads, and is hingeing all of her hopes on the outcome of her secret experiments. If her plan fails, she has no backup; Celestia help everyone if that happens.
Actually, that’s precisely what Celestia aims to do. But if the Princess of Love blatantly defying the basic idea that if you love something, you have to let it go doesn’t get a reaction from you, then Celestia might just be the catalyst of your retreat from the story; for it is also told in places from her PoV, and let it be said that her characterisation, while certainly justified given the unfolding events, is sure to rub many people the wrong way. More about her later.
The story itself is clever in its manipulation and corruption of your thoughts, however. It’s clear that things are very very wrong in the Crystal Empire, and that underneath its gorgeous exterior and model rulers lies more than a little trouble in paradise. Obviously, Shining Armor and Cadance aren’t happy with the way things are, but they try to be the best partners they can be for each other all the same. Shining stays with Cadance to keep her happy, even at the greatest personal expense; in return, Cadance is willing to do almost anything, cross any and all moral boundaries in her pursuit of a more favourable existence for her Shiny. Even though you know Cadance is clearly in the wrong and more than a few diamonds short of a necklace, you just can’t help being on her side. She has a lot of hope, the tools to achieve her desired results, and the unceasing drive to make her dream a reality. Whether you accept or abhor her methods, it cannot be denied that readers will be curious enough to see if she actually succeeds.
While the reader is lucky enough to have a front-row seat to Cadance’s turbulent emotions, she manages to maintain a stoic, smiling face for everyone around her, even Shiny. While she curses herself, she keeps up the façade of level-headed ruler. Oh, but woe betide anypony who dares to remotely suggest that her husband is not fit to rule at her side. Although briefly introduced in chapter one, it’s a little further on that Lady Rose Quartz, a Canterlot noble, makes her presence felt. She is the lone, brave-but-foolish voice of all those too afraid to speak out against Shining Armor’s unnatural longevity. Despite her questionable intelligence in terms of telling Cadance herself that she ought to let Shining go, one must admire the metaphorical cojones on Lady Quartz.
Together Forever makes great use of foreshadowing all throughout the story; it’s sweet and subtle and not immediately telegraphic, for the most part. Cliffhangers are also used effectively, and it was with no small amount of reluctance that instead of blitzing through the story in one night like it kept me wanting to, I was forced to wrench myself away so I could be a responsible adult for the next few days.
It was worth the wait, though, because about halfway through and beyond is where excrement really starts to paint the walls. There’s more of the World Summit backdrop, as seen through both Shining and Cadance’s eyes. At first it’s just more of each being given a chance to wax angst, but then…
I frown as I see somepony else up ahead having a talk. Lady Rose Quartz. I didn’t think she’d have the guts to show her face in polite society for at least a few days after this morning. I appear to have underestimated her. And who’s that she’s conversing with? One of her whisperers? Could be a useful hint. I try and get a good look. If this minotaur would kindly stop blocking my line of sight…
Oh, it’s just Auntie Celestia. Nevermind then.
and then
“Tell them to listen for anything about Shining Armor. I want names, dates, places, what’s said – anything you can get me on what the word is among the nobility.”
“Should I ask why?”
“Not really.”
“As you say, princess.”
Ladies and gentlemen, we have our antagonist.
But is she really an antagonist?
I’ll give you four words with which to make up your mind: “For the greater good.”
From chapter five onward, it is time to choose a side and stick with it. You’re committed by then to one outcome or another, because at this point neither Cadance nor Celestia are recogniseable by their show personas. One has heard The Frayed Ends Of Sanity calling, the other has allowed this to go on against her better judgement for the better part of half a millennium. Will you side with Cadance on her quest to truly restore her beloved to a real flesh-and-blood immortal body… or will you side with Celestia, who has seen the dark magic binding Shining Armor’s soul to his golem for what it is, and is determined to restore the natural order of life in an effort to prevent an inevitable catastrophe—a catastrophe that Cadance adamantly refuses to acknowledge?
Plans are put into place and executed by chapter six, and from then on it’s all a high-stakes game of Cat and Mouse as Cadance attempts to catch the one responsible for her husband’s assassination attempt while Celestia attempts to wipe away all trace of her involvement. Somehow they manage to keep their war of attrition hidden from the public.
Considering I’d launched my disbelief into the stratosphere by now, I was not expecting to ever see it again… until a rather unfortunately contrived event drifted down from the sky and passed it back to me with a wink before vanishing. As it turns out, the longer that Shining Armor lives inside his crystal body, the more of a “beacon” he becomes to residual dark magic. For it is of course a necromantic spell keeping him alive, one that Sombra himself was in the middle of developing before his initial demise. As long as traces of dark magic endure in any form, anywhere, they will continue to draw other negative energies toward themselves.
This in itself is not a bad thing. It’s an interesting plot point that serves as Celestia’s primary justification for her actions, and it makes a certain lick of sense. Besides, in case you forgot (and it seems a lot of readers did, which is honestly a testament to narrative skill), Cadance is in the wrong.
No, the events that had me and many other readers scratching their heads are, as they unfold:
•Lady Rose Quartz corners Shining Armor while he takes a break from the festivities to be alone with his thoughts, and, under a compulsion charm cast upon her by Celestia, subsequently convinces him to end his life on account of there apparently being an actual, male alicorn out there for Cadance: one who could be a proper husband for her instead of a long-dead soul in a useless crystal body
•Cadance realises that Shining Armor is missing; she returns to the palace to search for him
•King Sombra manifests before Cadance in her room, not to fight, but to help Cadance locate Shining and save his life
•Cadance listens to Sombra’s cryptic hint and interrupts Shining Armor’s ritual to remove his soul from his golem
…
Um, what? Sombra, appearing out of nowhere to help the “heroes”? Excuse me for a moment; my right eyebrow appears to be searching for a home among the rest of my luscious locks.
I do want it known, however, that I did come up with an explanation for this at the time before reading the rest of the story.
We already know from Celestia that dark magic is festering and growing within Shining Armor('s crystal body), and that it is attracting other dangerous magic to itself. A dark beacon, as she put it. Therefore, it is not unreasonable to assume that the growing darkness inside his body attracted what little life force remained of Sombra, perhaps long ago, and that Sombra’s apparent remorse for past actions and attempt to "warn" Cadance about Shining's suicide attempt are both just part of his own method of self-preservation.
Here is my rationale: Sombra couldn't give two shits about Shining Armor or Cadance as ponies, and fully intends to take over again. But he does presently need them both to sustain his own survival, and so attempting to be remorseful and on their side works to his advantage.
Yeah it’s a stretch, but it’s better than nothing, right? Sadly, I have no way of proving or disproving this theory, as Sombra never appears or is mentioned again. This is easily the most questionable part of the story, which is saying something when you consider every event in the story so far and that two alicorn princesses, two close family members, are showing every sign of gearing up for mortal combat from this point.
There is a well-known phrase that’s highly appropriate to chapter eight: “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” Remember when I said before that the characters felt unrecogniseable, that Cadance would stop at nothing to see her plans fulfilled?
(Lady Rose Quartz upon being found out and in the grips of Cadance’s telekinesis) “You are going to kill me this night, are you not, highness?”
(Cadance) I don’t bother denying it. “Yes,” I answer bluntly. “You committed a crime punishable only by death, and I am here to carry out your sentence. The only thing in question is how much you are going to suffer before you die.”
Bloody hell, Cadance. Considering you then go on to say this:
“I know that an earth pony like you isn’t capable of casting the charm I found on my husband. Somepony had to cast it on you first.”
shouldn’t you spare this foolish mare’s life? Surely you can tell she’s acting under orders of another—
Her eyes bulge and her mouth falls open, only to close itself quickly again. She pointedly says nothing.
“Doing this the hard way, then? Very well.”
At my command, all the bones in her right rear leg shatter. Lady Rose Quartz screams in agony. She writhes helplessly in my grip, contorting and flailing uselessly at the magic binding her. It’s no good. Even if I were to put her down, she’s in no shape to make it far. She’s completely powerless to fight – I am a god, and she an ordinary pony. I decide what happens here, not her.
“And that’s hardly the worst I can do to you,” I say when she’s quieted a bit. “Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have your flesh set aflame, only to grow back as it burns? Or to be eaten slowly from the inside out, feeling every last bite? I can do that, you know. Or,” I add with a particularly malicious look. “I could make you love me.”
I can see from the puzzled expression on her face that she doesn’t get the threat of the latter.
“My dear lady, have you ever wondered what it would be like to love a pony so much that you would willingly kill yourself so that they could have your corpse for a hoofstool? Because I can make that happen. Rip your very mind and will from your grip, and make you my utterly willing slave until the sheer presence of the magic in your head drives you mad.” I give a predatory grin.
That’s a bluff, by the way. My love magic doesn’t work like that. It reminds ponies of what and why they loved something, and brings dormant emotions to the fore. I can’t bring into existence what never existed, nor can I make a pony into my slave. But I’m willing to bet Lady Rose Quartz doesn’t know that.
Nope, she deserves to die a horrible horrible death. Okay then. I honestly wouldn’t be surprised if this is the straw that finally breaks the camel’s back regarding people’s suspension of belief. You really have to be in this story for the long haul to get to this point, so if you’re still at this point, you may as well continue on.
So of course the inevitable happens, and Cadance discovers the true perpetrator. If you’re somehow still here and haven’t abandoned the story in disgust, you’re actually in for a real treat. And that treat is?
As far as battle scenes go, this is actually pretty good. Both alicorns give as much as they get, and the advantage, while beginning in the elder and wiser of the two on her home turf, constantly shifts as they change tactics on the fly and land powerful blows upon each other. The whole chapter-spanning fight is satisfyingly reminiscent of Twilight’s battle with Tirek. Just personally, I’m glad we now have that particular measuring stick when it comes to battles between powerful beings; it’s no longer a matter of personal headcanon how much power alicorn princesses possess. Obviously Celestia and Cadance aren’t going to be levelling forests or punching one another through mountains, but Celestia’s dwelling, even after some serious preparatory reinforcements, has certainly seen better days in the wake of their duel.
Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view), Celestia finally manages to neutralise the enraged Princess of Love to the point where she’s in a vegetative state. She forces the truth out of Cadance, but in a surprising twist, actually enables her to continue her research into creating a new body for Shining Armor. Ah, ah, ah, she says with a metaphorical finger wave, there are certain conditions you must adhere to, my dear niece.
Well it’s not like Cadance has any choice now, is it? She’s made her bed, attempted to defy her commanding officer, and must now lie in it for eternity as punishment. Cue a dramatic ending that just screams “Incoming sequel!” and we’re done with this dark tale.
As a sucker for tales that explore the depths to which people will sink, corruption, and insanity in general, I have to say that I greatly enjoyed Together Forever. I do so enjoy looking at characters under a microscope and seeing how they react to various stimuli, and this tale gave me everything I wanted. While it’s certainly not a story for everyone, particularly those who can’t see Equestria’s royalty in any kind of negative light, Snake Staff has a way of getting readers to actually cheer for the pony who’s clearly in the wrong—at least, at first. The emotions of Shining Armor and Cadance present appealed to me in a relatable way, a human way, making me wish them success in the face of adversity even though to do so would be to supremely disrespect the fundamentals of existence.
As far as general spelling, grammar, and mechanics go, the overall story was pretty good, if a little rough around the edges. Among the errors I found were a number of simple grammar derps, as well as prevalent systemic issues with the capitalisation and bastardisation of royal titles. Hyphens were often used in place of dashes. Missing words caught me off-guard and had me doing double takes. I have since PM’ed the ones that annoyed me the most to Snake Staff, and I have every confidence that they’ll at least fix the objective errors, even if some of the style issues remain unaddressed. As a read, it’s smooth enough to enjoy without being too distracting.
Some of the more stylistic issues came up more than I care for, though. These include:
•Lavender Unicorn Syndrome (repeated descriptions of Cadance as “the pink alicorn,” etc)
•Too much formality in speech that ought to be tainted and simplified by emotion (not so much with Cadance, but particularly with Celestia’s, in situations like the battle in chapter nine and when she’s attempting to show some actual emotions like remorse)
•Characters addressing each other by name or title in far too many single lines of casual conversation (eg. I found 20 instances of the word “niece” in chapter ten; a similar thing occurs in a few earlier chapters)
•Oddly worded phrases and redundant adverbs (I snarl angrily) (A lance of pure, blue magical energy launches itself from my horn.)
•A tendency to remind the reader what colour each character’s coat colours and magical auras are, even though I’m sure everyone already knows such things, it’s irrelevant to the plot, and even sometimes changes without warning (in chapter nine, Cadance’s magic changes from blue to pink and back again multiple times for no discernible reason)
•The tags aren’t entirely accurate (there’s really no reason for the [Adventure] tag to be there, and now that we have a [Drama] tag, I feel like it would be far more appropriate than the [Sad] tag)
A much larger problem is that, as mentioned before, the “Deus-ex-Sombra” issue that was panned by readers never has any form of resolution. One could argue that it’s likely to be explored in the sequel—and I’m certainly guilty of doing a similar thing in one of my own stories if so—but it just never comes up in this story again. Even just a little hint, a bit of subtle foreshadowing in the epilogue that he isn’t gone for good, would have sufficed.
The largest problem in the story by far though, at least in my opinion, is the timeline. And now I’m going to be a bit lazy and just copy what I commented on the story over to this review. Whatever, it’s getting late here in the land of Oz, sue me.
I think the biggest problem I have with the story is that it just feels like far too many years have passed before this story begins. I see the importance of establishing in the beginning how it would feel to outlive one's own children, and grandchildren, etc... but perhaps the story would be better served if it takes place over 80-100 years in the future instead of almost half a millennium. I think 400+ years is far too much time to have passed before any of these plot points have come to fruition. For one thing, the way many arguments, angsty internal monologues, and self-rationales are presented implies that they have not already happened many times before, which I would expect ought to have started and continued from the very first years after Shining's original death.
Also factor in that somehow, Cadance and Shining's current generation of offspring is at the great-x4 level, which means only six generations in over 400 years. That means that on average, their descendants have waited until near-death (70-80 years of age) themselves to have foals, as opposed to the more-expected 20-40 years per generation. In my opinion, this would be better set no more than 100 years into the future instead of over 4x that amount. That way, the emotions and internal conflicts could feel more fresh, Cadance and Shining could still have suffered the pain of outliving at least one—potentially two—generation(s) of offspring, and everyone's thoughts and emotions regarding the main plot device wouldn't feel so damn long overdue. Truthfully, if Cadance was truly devoted to finding Shining a real replacement body, she should have begun her research centuries earlier; it just doesn't make sense for her to have waited so long.
Even though the writing quality has definite room for improvement, and the plot is likely to turn away anyone unwilling to embrace a side of certain characters that they may not like, Together Forever has high merit as a character piece. The 1st-person perspective is well done—if a little preachy at times—and really lays bare the inner machinations of various minds as they continue to act appropriately against the supposedly peaceful backdrop of a global peace and friendship summit. I enjoyed it for keeping me immersed and wanting to turn the page, everypony played their parts well, and the well-written, imaginative battle was an absolutely epic climax that had been built up for multiple chapters. If you can cast aside your biases, your preconceptions and headcanons of how these characters would and would not act, it makes for a most dramatic tale that manages to avoid feeling overly angsty while giving a look into minds believably corruptible by the immeasurable power of love.
7.5/10
wow @_@ what a review!
Thank you for the thoughtful review! I'm glad that you liked my story on the whole, and I fully encourage you and anyone else who enjoyed it to read the sequel, Winter Storm. Hopefully you'll enjoy that part of the tale as well!
Is it me, or is Shining Armor's horn too big in that cover? I know it's nitpicking to the nth degree, but it still bugs me for reason. Anyway, I'll be sure to read this story soon.
As always, good job on the god-tiered reviews, CV.