• Member Since 22nd Jun, 2013
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SaburoDaimando


E

Mr Cake, Mrs Cake, the Cake twins Pound and Pumpkin, and Pinkie Pie were going up to Canterlot for the day off when they decided to stop at a restaurant called the Cattivo Odore Restaurant and Bakery owned by Turpe and his wife Poco Cotti. But while the place looks great in terms of decor, the customer service and the food are anything but good and the owners are nothing more than a bunch of stuck-up fools who think their food is perfect.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 21 )

So, is this a jab at Amy's Baking Company and Restaurant? 'Cause if it is, it promises to be hella funny.
(Haven't read yet, if it wasn't obvious. (I probably will, though.))

Comment posted by SaburoDaimando deleted Jun 23rd, 2013

2766709 It is indeed a jab at Amy's Baking Company. Last month, I saw Gordon Ramsay on Kitchen Nightmare go down to try to turn the place around and those two were the craziest humans I have ever saw run a kitchen like they think it's there world.

I was hoping to see the health inspector be called in but having the Guard (and by extension Celestia) dealing with it is far more satisfying. I haven't watched Kitchen Nightmare before but I have seen similar situations on Restraunt Impossible.

Hmmm, topical story considering how the whole Crazy Amy debacle has exploded on the internet.

I do have a couple of problems though. I'm going to guess first off that English is not your native language? That's not necessarily a bad thing because I can't write in anything other than English. But you could do with a proofreader. Your syntax is a little off.

Secondly, the characters are acting a little OOC. Try to think of the lines being spoken in the character's voice and see if it fits them.

And lastly, while I get the meaning of "Crazy Amy's" name my suggestion would have been more along the lines of "poco pazzo". It fits her a little better.

On the whole, not bad. But I left wanting a little more.

2766858 Unfortunately, it's been awhile since I dedicated myself to something like this. A part of me needs to take a new English class just to fix myself up.

And while I do like the name poco pazzo, I chose poco cotti simply to give away what this pony is capable of: Undercooking.

2766881
As I said, I fully understand the reason you gave her that name and it works. The comment was more because if you actually google "Crazy Amy" you get fanmade videos of her acting crazy.

That woman has the crazy eyes. She's literally not all there.

2766858 More or less what he said. For example, the Cakes know who Applejack is. :applejackunsure:

Otherwise, not too bad. I'll have to check out that Kitchen Nightmare thing myself, because if it's as bad as these pony counterparts are, then I have no godly idea how they're still in business (if they are). :applejackconfused:

2766979 Oh indeed. I remember the first time the Cakes were seen in Season 1, Pinkie Pie was with a dazed Applejack.

2767006 Well, if you know that, then this line makes no sense:

“I do admit, I am concerned about letting one of Pinkie Pie's friends Applejack run the bakery for one the day,”

Mrs. Cake has no reason to refer to Applejack as simply one of Pinkie's friends when she knows Applejack personally. :duck: Also, I added some complimentary edits.

2767197 Fixed. Thanks for pointing that out.

A restaurant called Bad Smell? What where those two thinking?

Gang Green's a shoe store?

Salmonellosis a chinese buffet?

2768547 When I was taking an intro to theatre class, I learned that names can often point out what kind of character he or she is. Like, for example, Willy Loman from Death of a Salesman sounds a lot like Will He and Low man.

And sometimes, names can mask what the character really is all about. Like Happy Loman from Death of a Salesman.

2768603 Yeah but it's still goofy :rainbowlaugh:

2768630 Maybe I should consider writing a MLP fanfiction involving Princess Celestia sneaking away from her royal duties just to get out and have fun. :trollestia:

It looks like those two forgot the number 1 rule of any business: The customer is always right!

My little Pita.
My little Pita.
sorry, couldn't resist. wonderful play-on-words. when I first saw the title,
I was thinking of "Sweeney Todd", i.e. "The Worst Meatpies in London."
very clever and well done.

2768603
I read that play for class once in high school. It was so sad, but man, I loved it.

So, I'm guessing the restaurant that inspired this story also gets their cakes supplied by outside sources. Good grief, this whole story sounds like something out of Pinkie Pie's worst food-related nightmare, and I don't even know if she gets food-related nightmares.

That was nice

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