Twilight Sparkle. Faithful daughter, diligent studier... fugitive?
Twilight was simply doing as she was told. Trying to pass the exam that would allow here into the most prestigious school in Canterlot when things went horribly wrong. Now she is on the run, afraid that if she show's her face back in the city of her birth, that all she has to look forward too is a trip to the dungeons. Can a child really survive on her own out in the wilds of Equestria?
Well she isn't exactly on her own. She has her teacher/savior with her. Read as she learns a different style of magic and all the chaotic events that will follow the duo. How much will Twilight learn from the mysterious and odd Wild Horse.
Chapters (8)
I am looking forward to the next chapter to see where this is going and how things are going to be different now.
This is the most unusual Ranma crossover I've ever seen.
Didn't catch my interest, but good luck to you.
Great start. How will Ranma handle teaching and raising Twilight? How will Twilight turn out with Ranma as her teacher? Can't wait to read more.
Ah, almost every time I see wild and horse right next to each other it's talking about Ranma. Anyways, this looks pretty cool, so keep going!
BTW, you misspelled clothes as cloths.
3521914 Fixed it. Thank you for informing me. I am Surprised at the response I received for this fic.
3522226 Never underestimate the response from the anime/manga reading community.
Pony terms are a pain?
Friend, you are a good writer. I enjoyed this all the way up to Twilight's explaining her appearance.
Is using pony terms the only reason you have for making this an anthro fic? Because if it is, I would gladly offer to preread for you for the sole purpose of putting pony terms in.
If you don't want to deal with the other 'issues' of writing a MLP HiE, then say that... and I'll wish you and your (very well written story thus far) goodbye, and good luck.
You'd gain a larger readership if you de-anthro'd this as well... just sayin.
3522698
It is something that is a little difficult to explain. The simpleslist method is that this is how my brain works. I can use the pony terms, I do so in my other fics. This story however will will be about humans. This is a form I have wanted to write as I feel there are very few stories out there were they are humanized, or anthro, that follow the actual store of the show. Or even take place in the show. They are few and far between and I wanted add to them.
That and well, Many many times I have to re-wright hand as hoof, fore arm as for limb... It would just get worse in this fic. So I went with human anatomy because I am not going to pony-fy Ranma and then decided it would be better for the Ponies to be human instead. This just saves me a headache.
Ah. Well good luck with this then.
Saw the name Wild Horse, and immediately wanted to know how exactly Ranma found his way into another dimension.
Ranma was the first fanfiction community I got invested in, I hope you do well with this.
Oooh!! This is interesting! I'm definitely gonna be following this one. I just wonder what silly misadventures Ranma and Twilight go through. Knowing the two of them it's gonna be epic!
Next chapter please!!
Heh, can't wait to see how you showcase Ranma's EPIC level bad luck. And the parts with Twilight calling him teacher are just adorable.
The only criticism I have is that their were quite a few typos, and a lot of double posting words. I suggest getting someone to do a proofread of your next chapter.
Thanks for the entertainment!
My apologies if I may come over as a little harsh but proofreading always takes a lot of time and I'm rushing it a little.
1)
still: "silly" or unbelievable yet still he did"?
2) Is "Human" capitalized in this story? Celestia calls Ranma that the first time, but not when he escapes. Maybe you should describe the characters to make it clear what kind of species they are exactly.
3)
Not sure of this. Add a question mark behind "dare"? This is just my personal opinion though.
4)
"Solly?"
5)
Maybe add "?" after "gall". But it is the part where the father bellowed that is not correct. I've always found this rule silly, but one has to remove the capital of the "The incensed". It counts as part of the large sentence made up of his dialogue and how he spoke it.
Example: "Now that isn't right!" said the father. Note that "said"is not capitalized since it could be seen as one large sentence: "The father says that that isn't right."
6)
Either remove "where" or add another "was"
7)
Is shoulder supposed to be capitalized?
8)
Remove "'m"
9)
Capitalize the second "i".
10)
Add an "a"
11)
"he"=> "the"?
It is clear that your version of Equestria is more severe then canon. The examiners calling her a monster took me by surprise. And that Twilight would know that the egg should have been unhatchable.
Anyway, I enjoyed it. Really captured the "Ranma can get dropped in any story and cause it to change direction"-vibe. I am looking forward to the next chapter.
3558805
Okay, I made the corrections you mentioned. The bit about the human and shoulder are actualy a quirk of mine. I tend to put a uppercase letter at the start of bits I find important. I know I shouldn't and it is something I try to correct but I can't find all of them.
3558851
I think I got them all. Let me compliment you again on the wonderful work you made.
hmmm...I'm glad you updated and Interested in how Twi will be when and if they go back to the castle.
The only thing that I caught I still don't understand is that during Twilight's training. She keeps mentioning her hands, but she a pony, so...
yeah mistake.
Great chapter.
3559065 They're Humanized in this fic.
Another great chapter, the cuteness was practically flowing off my monitor. Only wish that we could have gotten a look from Celestia's view once she found out that her guards scared them off again.... she really needs to find better help.
3559065 There are no ponies in this fic. All the characters are humans of some sort or another. I am not sure if I only want to do this for the ponies or extend it to other races as well.
3559123
Thank you for the comment. I was considering adding Celestia's view point in this chapter, but I felt that Twilight line was just too good of a point to end it.
3559152 Ok, my bad, I overlook that piece of info. My bad.
Ranma and MLP... fascinating folding of the two dissimilar mythos.
And having Twily and Spike as practitioners of 'Anything Goes Equestrian' style? Hmmm... I can get behind that idea...
Thumbs and Stars to the author!
Excellent chapter. Story progression without info dumping. Funny and in character. One minor gripe though: what does Spike look like now? Is he an elongated eastern dragon here?
upper case
bare
whether
3559652
Very good point. Let me go fix that.
Edit:
Done. You can find the description in the the Dragon Perch note.
3559721
Ah, thank you. I was wondering how the stubby canon Spike wrapped around her ^-^
Great chapter. I kind of wonder what kind of relationship Twilight and Ranma have. I mean in canon when Celestia was Twilight's teacher. She saw as a second mother. So does Twilight see Ranma as a second father?
Is the story going to switch to a more traditional format at some future point or will it remain in 'Dear Diary' form?
3578927 Perhaps after the next few chapters.
Great chapter. Twilight meet's Rarity. And Celestia is training to sharpen her dull edge.
I still wanna know why Celestia is evil here...
3595881 I'm kinda curious as well. Though its not that she herself is doing anything evil, as it is she's just really incompetent.... or maybe just REALLY stubborn. After all, she punished the teacher who first caused the problem. So it's odd that she continues to scare Twilight and make Ranma mad, you'd think she'd try a peaceful solution for once.... The only reason I can think of is that she's focusing on getting Twilight back to her parents, and feels like she can straighten out the problem once she's beaten Ranma into submission.
Maybe?
Ah well, another great chapter. Nice to see Ranma getting some peace for a change, he'll make an awesome teacher.
3595881 3596265
Celestia isn't evil. She has been trying to inform Ranma and Twilight to come back to the city via the first guard she sent. Sadly, Ranma still couldn't speak equestrian at that time and Twilight was still stuck in panic mode. Twilight is convinced that the guards are there to throw her into the dungeons. As long as she is panicking Ranma is likely to take her and book it away from the guards. As such, Celestia has decided to confront the problem herself.
Oh, new chapter. Let me do my usual thing to support a Ranma writer.
The first paragraphs have some issues but that might be just another way of using the Enlish language, so I'm not touching that. Stuff like
I would expect: "Celestia walked out to her balcony, her eye going to the sky watching the snow fall." Or "her eye going to the sky where the snow was falling." However, I am no native English speaker.
Switching of tenses: had long (or is this another example of different English? If so, ignore comments like this.)
FeelingS or Was
upper case word Punches (I remember you writing that you find yourself capitalizing words of importance.)
Holed up
Deliberate switching of genders, or typo?
clothes
Uppercase
"a"
Switching of tenses. "Has" => "had"
sparring. Double "r".
I wonder why the tailor was thanking Ranma. Iron Cloth technique, Hidden Weapons? Wait, does that mean that the entire Mane 6 will be martial artists? Twily needs sparring partners, and several of the Mane 6 would enroll with Ranma if they knew what he could do.
That would make for a great story, but it would risk becoming detected.
"Ranma would admit even though the start he had in this world was a little hectic, he wouldn’t trade what he had right now."
So he is not trying to get home?
Also, "top three for most dangerous opponents". Epic foreshadowing? I am torn between loving and hating the rest of the cast being introduced here.
3600581 And this is why I ask for proofreaders. Yes, the word feeling is supposed to be feelings in all instances of that paragraph. I am making the fixes now.
Nice chapter. I'm loving the "Dear, Diary" style you're using. Especially in the last chapter, Twilight is just so cute!!
Good story so far hope you keep up the good work
Thanks For update this and am wondering is learning spell weaving under Princess Celestia?
Good chapter. What will Ranma and Twilight do now that they know about the misunderstanding?
Oopsie indeed,
It'll be interesting to see what happens next, whether they'll all go and explain the situation to Celestia. Can't wait to see whether she knights him or tries to imprison him, thinking he's a 'danger'.
Boy, that resolved itself pretty quickly. . .
Thank you all for the reviews. Do not worry, the end is not in site just yet. I had that little joke in my head for a while now but sadly, I did not see it working out if I waited to much longer. It was either going to come out with her parents or at the end of the clash with Celestia. As it is, i am happy with what I have so far but need to plan out where the story will go from here. The diary chapters will probably still play a large role, but we are going to get more "Live" sense as it were.
Thank you for your hard work.
Question: I remember that you said that you lacked a prereader. If you wish I could try.
I'm having a lot of troubles finding time for even my own work, but I'm willing to try.
staying (going to stay)
Shining
and that's all I could find. Wow, you sure improve fast.
Ps.: Do you wish for me to edit out my previous posts and remove the spell checking?
#first
The saying "Actions speak louder than words" ,means nothing here
No Hiryu Shoten Ha? Huh, would have thought it would work great against the literal SUN (or a reasonable facsimile anyway,)
*things about the fight considering - things about the fighter considering
*The Twilight residence was - The Sparkle residence was
*great of a fight she can become.” - great of a fighter she can become.”
*sent back a few feat. - sent back a few feet.
*remained frozen as the chilled seemed - remained frozen as the chill seemed
*thrown by the fight with her sheath - thrown by the Fighter with her sheath
*noticing the number people. - noticing the number of people.
*tending to the one that - tending to the ones that
*ignore her train for books - ignore her training for books
*she listened to her new training - she listened as her new training
3813220
Fixed. I am still torn about calling it the Sparkle residence since Twilight is the only member with the name Sparkle. Kinda wish the show would go into the naming conventions. Guess I might have to think of something instead.
It is like the assumtion that Rarity has the name Bell just because her sister has it.
My goddess! Celestia decided that she's gonna be the Magic-Sensei...
Either Twiley is going to become a badaZZ martial Spell Weaver.... or she's gonna learn what the inside of a LOT of hospitals around Equestria looks like.
Probably both.
What happened to spike?
At what point in the manga did Twilight summon Ranma from Nerima? How much of the Amazons' forms has he learned? Will Happosai or Cologne find a way to track Twilight's spell and follow? A shorter way of asking my question is: How much of the Ranma 1/2 canon/fanon will you be including?
3867462 This takes place after the manga. I am working out how exactly to present Ranma's history to aquaint people who do not know of him better. For now he is just a highly skiiled, semi faceless fighter to those that have never heard of Ranma 1/2. This isn't bad but I still need to present why he is the way he is. At this point I could achieve the same results as this story with an OC. I want to change that.