• Member Since 17th Jun, 2013
  • offline last seen 3 hours ago

Hopeful_Ink_Hoof


[He/Him] Just a writer who likes MLP and hopes to make a living off it: https://ko-fi.com/ink_hoof

Sequels1

E

This story is a sequel to Shard: Settling In


When a strange stone is found at the Cloudsdale weather factory, the heroes travel there to see if it is one of The Elements of Harmony. Unfortunately, there is a pony who is not to happy with one of them, a fact that King Sombra is more than willing to take advantage of.

Chapters (10)
Comments ( 11 )

Interesting start, but there's something you may want to edit. At one point, you refer to Star Glow as a male instead of a female.

Dark red, wet patches covered his fur and feathers as well as the white employee coat that she wore.

I found a very minor thing you may want to edit.

The black unicorns glowing eyes narrowed as he gave a sharp-toothed grin.

That should be "unicorn's".

Found something you may want to edit.

None dared to make fun of her because of what she was though.

That should be "tough".

4552483
Sorry, but not on this one. "Though" is the correct word. It would be like "Although none dared to make fun of her because of what she was," but with less formality to it.

Hmmm, so Rainbow Dash and her former friends were expelled from flight school because she admitted it when they did something wrong, huh?

Think we know which Element she is here. :ajsmug:

I found some you may want to edit.

"All I'm is that this whole thing is extremely cliche,"

I may be wrong, but I think that "saying" should be in between those words.

4555223
What could you possibly mean? :scootangel:

4557526
Yes. Yes there should be.:facehoof:

Ha! :rainbowlaugh: Nice take on the Twixie here.

You know usually I can't stand Twixie but since this is an alternate universe with a completely different situation I am actually okay with this. Can't wait for the next story.

And that scene could not have been done more awesomely.

Heh, what an ending.
Twilight is Loyalty, and Rainbow is Honesty.
And Sombra plans on amassing an army.
I'll definitely be reading more.

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