Petite cloven hooves straightened a bronze-colored vest over his chest. He pulled the sleeves of a white silk shirt tight, allowing the cuffs to flare slightly. Quietly, he drew a blood red bandolier over the right side of his neck and pulled it tight so that it was snug against his chest. At last, fidgeting slightly, he made sure that a pair of medallions were pinned upright across the bandolier. One coin featured the graceful portrait of a doe, the other bore the emblem of a buck with a regal crown set against the base of two wide-branching antlers.
At last, with a deep sigh, a young fawn stared into a mirror with sad eyes. His yellow pupils darted left and right. No matter how long he stared at his own gaze, there was no fire to be kindled. Two ears flicked on either side of a pair of tiny antler stubs.
Inhaling deeply, he bore the best frown he could muster, spun around, and marched firmly down a long... long hallway. The polished granite walls were dotted with tall portraits of deer in various modes of regal dress, defining the eras of their rule. At last, after passing three pairs of guards standing at vigilant attention, the fawn reached a pair of enormous double doors, beyond which he could already hear the muffled signs of a heated conversation. He looked up at one of the many guards that dwarfed him... and nodded.
Obediently, the guard opened one of the two immense doors. He stepped aside, armor rattling, and allowed the silk-clad fawn to step through.
The youth did so, appearing behind a trio of thrones positioned at the far end of a spacious, circular room looking out onto a hazy, desert cityscape. Bronze and amber rooftops glinted in the distance, but that wasn't what caught his attention. The fawn's yellow eyes were set on the dozen elk and deer standing at the far end of the throneroom, debating with stern and frustrated expressions. At the sound of the door opening, they all spun to face him at attention.
The guard bellowed, ”His Majesty, Prince Eine of the House of Evo!”
The adults bowed low, antlers dim.
Prince Eine stood before them, nervously eyeing their antlers. With great concentration, he tensed his face and summoned as bright a glow as he could through the two stubs in his forehead. After a brief strobing, he winced slightly, but maintained a stoic demeanor. “My fellow advisors,” he spoke in a forced baritone, though his youthful pitch broke through with each punctuation. “I would like to address the topic of the outlying provinces.”
“With all due respect, Your Majesty,” one deer spoke up. “Would it not be better to discuss the matter after your coronation?”
“I will be the one to decide the time to discuss matters of national importance,” Eine said. “And I've decided that such a time is now.” He paced before the throne, gazing down at the group with thin eyes. “I have given it much thought, and I believe that too many resources have been put into the interior defense.”
The cabinet members exchanged glances. One cleared his throat and took a few steps forward. “Your Majesty, the High Council has deliberated over this issue time and time again. With the Southern Cartel performing increasingly violent and unpredictable strikes on the bordering provinces, there's no telling when or where an attack from the goblins might come!”
“This is the first time in ages that the Val Roan crown has been prematurely transferred due to the unforeseen death of a monarch,” another advisor said. He bowed low. “God rest his soul—and the Queen's.”
“And your point is...?” Eine glared.
“Your Majesty, the Council sees it fit to protect the coronation ceremony at all costs!” another deer said. “The entire fate of the kingdom rests on the safe transfer of power!”
“You must be crowned king by tradition,” said one advisor. “Or else Val Roan law will not recognize your authority. It has worked this way for eons.”
“I respect that the Council desires my well being,” Prince Eine said, standing in place on the raised steps above the others. “And I understand the importance of the ceremony that I am about to undergo. But I refuse to become ruler of this land if it means the continued suffering of my subjects.” He pointed a hoof. “We shall deliver a message to the Council. I hereby order the Soul Sentries to be positioned along our outlying borders to the south and west.”
“But... Your Majesty...!” One deer fidgeted nervously. “Without the approval of the Council—”
“Am I or am I not heir to the throne of Val Roa?” Eine gritted his teeth. “The Council represents the will and the needs of the provinces at large, but lately they have not been ruling in those same states' interests. As the kingdom's sole monarch, I...” He inhaled sharply, tightening his stance. “I-I order them to relocate our troops.”
“Your Majesty, with all due respect...” A deer bowed low. “That simply c-cannot be done.”
Eine's yellow eyes twitched. “And why not?!”
“Please, Your Highness, do not mistake your cabinet's words for open defiance,” said a gentle, lulling voice. A set of strong hooves trotted over the polished granite floor towards the edge of the throne. An elk came to a stop, his coat a dark mahogany—almost black. With soft purple eyes, he smiled reassuringly in the Prince's direction. “Your advisors, as always, hold your best interests at heart, and they live to serve you ever reverently.”
“I understand that, Secretary Sharp Quill,” Eine said, trying to calm himself. Nevertheless, he frowned. “What I do not understand is why I am being treated like a child when it's perfectly clear that I am putting the issues of Val Roa's citizens into the forefront!”
Sharp Quill glanced over at the other advisors. He smiled, then trotted over to the fawn. “I do believe I can speak for my fellow cabinet members, Your Highness. It is not so much that they are treating you like a child... but rather, they are treating you like a prince.”
Eine squinted. “I... I don't believe I follow...”
“You cannot be blamed,” Sharp Quill said, shaking his head. “The last few months have been terribly taxing on you. They've been taxing on all of us.” Sharp Quill paced down the steps until he stood at level with his associates. “It is easy to forget some of the most basic edicts of Val Roan law. The reason that the High Council has wielded so much authority as of late is because they've had to.” He stopped and swiveled around, purple eyes blinking. “In the event of a Monarch's demise, the crown must be transferred to the heir to the throne. And, as we all know, your ascension is surely nigh... but not yet for a few days.”
“But...” Eine began trembling. “I-I don't see how that—”
“Once you are King, Your Majesty, then the High Council will surely follow your absolute rule,” said one advisor.
Another spoke up. “You must understand. The defense has been so heavily internalized because—more than anything else—it is imperative that you wear the crown when the fated day finally arrives!”
“In just a few nights, you will cease to be Prince, for you will have become King of Val Roa.”
“Any incursion... any act of aggression from either the Lounge or the Cartel must be prevented at all costs!”
“We haven't had a conflict with the naga for centuries!” Eine exclaimed. “And it's obvious to me that the Green Bandits don't want our capital! They want our farmlands! They want to sack and pillage and defile every peaceful thing that my subjects cherish! Don't you see? My Kingdom is under attack and the Council is stubbornly refusing to budge on the matter!”
“Your Majesty, you are the Kingdom,” one advisor said. “If you perish... if we foolishly let something through our defenses to bring harm to you before the coronation, then all would be lost.”
“But... but...”
“And the High Council only wields power because they have to.” Sharp Quill smiled reassuringly. “You see, Your Majesty, they desire nothing less than to have a King to follow without question. But for that to happen—for that time to come—they must make the sacrifices that you're incapable of until the day of ascension.”
“We all are making sacrifices, Your Highness,” another secretary said. “Your royal subjects—everywhere—included.”
“We have no doubt that once you are crowned, the wisdom and integrity passed down by the King and Queen will lead you to do great things for all our provinces,” Sharp Quill said. He smiled gently. “But to allow the risk of perishing before that? It's the worst wound that could be inflicted upon the populace... worst than any bandit raid or naga embezzlement.”
Prince Eine took a deep, deep breath. At last, his ears drooped, and he closed his eyes. “I... I-I understand...”
“Your concern is most admirable, my Prince,” Sharp Quill said, bowing low. “And in just a few days' time, you will have the righteous authority to reposition our defense at will, because you will have been granted that authority by the crown... your crown.” The elk looked up at the richly-dressed fawn. “The same crown as your father before you. And though the King—God rest his soul—ruled with immeasurable empathy, he also knew the fine art of patience.”
Eine slowly nodded. “Of this... I-I am well aware.” He gulped.
An hour later, as the cabinet continued to deliberate in tense, murmuring voices, Eine finally got bored of standing there and listening to them prattle on. He shuffled back down the long, long hallway, his head bowed. He approached the door to his quarters. The guards opened it up for the little deer.
Eine trotted past a large, lush bed and an oak work desk. For the most part, the royal furnishing was very simple, and the room was largely barren. This was the result of several forced “purges,” where the young prince ordered any and all signatures of childhood to be dragged, carried, or swept out of the domain. He surrounded himself with sparse decorations and blank walls. As a result, when the desert sunlight wafted through, it gave everything a bronze shine—like a snapshot from a Val Roan age long dead.
Such amber hues pooled gently over Eine's body as he trotted up to a mirror, gazing at himself. His eyes looked just as melancholic as they did before he entered the throneroom an hour ago. He took a long breath, his nostrils flaring. Slowly, a hoof reached up to the red bandolier, barely touching the medallion that bore the Queen's gently smiling face.
The doors to his bedroom rattled from a knocking hoof.
“The esteemed Secretary Sharp Quill” announced a guard's muffled voice.
“You needn't knock for him,” Eine muttered.
“Your Majesty...?”
The princed sighed, then spoke louder. “Let him enter.”
With a soft creak, the door opened, and the mahogany elk strode in, closing the bedroom behind him. “You did not have to retire so soon. The cabinet appreciates your presence and attentiveness.”
“I don't see why they would,” Eine said in a low voice. “They obviously do not respect the voice of a prince who isn't yet King.”
“Are you certain that you do not speak of the Council, Your Majesty?” Sharp Quill raised an eyebrow. “Everyone is on your side. But I assure you...” He chuckled slightly, smiling. “The cabinet absolutely has your interests in mind...” He held a hoof over his chest. “As I have them in heart.”
“I appreciate your support and your honesty, Secretary.” Eine gulped, the trembles intensifying. “But—”
“It was not my desire to insult you or belittle your authority before the other advisors,” Sharp Quill said, standing immediately behind Eine and the mirror. “I could simply identify a cyclical argument when I hear one. I desired to save you from a long and frustrating argument with the cabinet. Truth is—until you are King—your authority is limited.”
“And I understand that. I respect it.” Eine clenched his teeth. “It's just th-that you're always encouraging me to be strong, S-Secretary, and the moment I try to be assertive... the m-moment I attempt speaking boldly for the fate of my subjects... I... I...”
“My dear Prince...” Sharp Quill rested a hoof on the little fawn's side. “I was your father's most trusted advisor. But above all else, I was his friend. You need not cling to pretense with me.”
Eine clamped his eyes shut, but it would not dam the tears. He grimaced, sniffled, and turned around... surrendering to Sharp Quill's embrace.
The elk sat on his haunches, enfolding the little prince with strong forelimbs.
“Everytime I-I try to be what I-I'm destined to be, it j-just blows up in my f-face!” Eine shuddered, his voice collapsing to a higher, more natural pitch. “I kn-know that I am above the cabinet and the Council... b-but I just don't feel it! How will I be a powerful and respectful King at this rate?! How will I earn the respect of my subjects, Sharp Quill, if I-I don't even feel that respect myself?! How... how?!”
“Shhhhh... you are strong, Your Majesty,” Sharp Quill said, gently carressing the fawn's ears. “And you are wise beyond your years. What you must find... what you must discover is the balance between sincerity and integrity. I have no doubt that you will master that balance of power... but only when the time comes. You are not King yet, but you will wear that crown and you will surpass the legacy of every Monarch who's risen before you.” He leaned back with a fatherly smile. “I made a promise to your mother and father long ago that I would see to your safety and perserverence. I am with you every step of the way.”
Eine nodded, sniffling. He wiped his cheek dry and gazed off into the barren lengths of the room. “I miss them, Sharp Quill. I miss them so much...”
Sharp Quill exhaled heavily. “You... are not alone, my Prince. But remember...” He reached down and straightened the fawn's bandolier, allowing the medallions to glint in the desert light. “...we must let the memory of them empower us. There is a time for tears, and there is a time for might. But—in all things—patience.”
“Yes...” Eine stood straight, smiling faintly. “Yes, indeed.” He breathed evenly. “I... I-I do not know where I would be without you, Secretary.” He looked up, ears twitching. “You have been like a godfather to me.”
“My duty is to Val Roa,” Sharp Quill said, standing up straight. “But my devotion is to you.” He smiled, then bowed low. Shortly after, he turned and trotted back towards the door. “I shall speak with the cabinet. Perhaps I can arrange a meeting between you and the High Council, so that you can declare your intent to redeploy the Soul Sentries along our borders the first moment you become King.”
“That... w-would be greatly appreciated, Secretary.”
“As I'm quite sure.” The elk paused at the door. “Get some rest, Your Majesty. There will be very little time to dry your eyes once the Coronation has come and gone.”
And just like that, Prince Eine was alone. Again.
He shuddered slightly. With slow, lethargic steps, he trotted out onto the balcony overlooking the western rooftops of Val Roa. Tall spires loomed close to the palace, capped off with bronze rooftops that glinted fiery-orange in the sunlight. Down below, domed buildings and circular rotundas dotted the royal district like golden nautilus shells. Further southwest, the city descended into crescent-shaped districts of polished stone and granite. The entire capital looked like a bed of hot coals on the edge of a desolate landscape. The earth underneath was a red-brown, and cactus gardens added patches of green in various spots.
Prince Eine wasn't looking at any of this. He pulled his red bandolier off, staring at the twin medallions that were pinned to the sash. He pivoted them until they no longer glinted... until it looked like both effigies were staring back at him.
“I... I-I never thought it would be this difficult. I'm trying to be strong, but let's face it...” He sighed. “If Sharp Quill wasn't here to help me as he helped you, I would be nowhere.” His eyes watered again. After nuzzling each medallion, he exhaled limply and leaned against the balcony with a sad slump. “Mother... Father... how I wish you could see me now. What I wouldn't give for your blessing...” His misty eyes opened, facing west towards the sloping mountains. “Just... a sign that what I'm doing here in Val Roa is righteous... that there's still hope for me and my subjects...”
Arcanista's wagon emerged from the canal.
Kera stuck her head out, and immediately her green eyes glittered from the dazzling array of copper-tone roofs and walls. “Wowwwwwwwww...”
Ebon poked his head through the velvety curtain and was likewise flabbergasted. “Good heavens...” He gulped. “It's... it's like st-staring into an immaculate wall of cutlery!”
“Snkkkt!” Kera rolled her eyes. “Only somepony like you would use a kitchen analogy!”
“Oh jeez...” Ebon cooed. “Do they have cactus fruit here? I really really hope there's some cactus fruit!”
“Hey Rainbow!” Kera motioned with her horn. “Lookie lookie!”
Rainbow Dash stepped on through, her green mane billowing in the dry wind. “Whoah...” She blinked. “...y'know, without all the goofy buffalo, the desert's actually kind of cool.”
“Don't let it fool you!” Jake throated from in front of them. He tilted his head and antlers back. “It's a dry heat! You'll get parched before you know it!”
“Do not worry,” Arcanista's voice said from inside the wagon. “Representatives and dignitaries receive plenty of refreshments.”
“Uh huh...” Ebon squinted back at her. “And the commonfolk?”
Arcanista smiled back. “It's amazing what a little bit of magic will do.”
“Ugh...” Kera grumbled. “I bet all the grasshoppers on this side of the mountain died out!”
“Uh uh uh...” Arcanista chided. “You're a princess, remember? Not a glutton.”
“Can't I be both?”
Mamunia and Jet merely giggled.
“So, Duke of Puke...” Jake smirked aside at Floydien. “Triggering any happy memories? Unhappy memories? Late night wall-pissing competitions?”
The elk's nostrils flared. Without his antlers, his dull eyes rested on the random balconies looming ahead of their winding path. “Hrmmmm...”
“Well?”
“It doesn't take glimmer or shimmer to know a crudhole when Floydien sees one.”
Jake looked forward, sighing heavily. “Panties. Well, maybe once you get the smell of this place, it'll come to you.”
“Floydien isn't holding Floydien's breath.”
“... ... ...” Rainbow was staring straight ahead.
“Rainbow?” Ebon glanced at her, then shook her shoulder. “Everything alright?”
“Hmmm?” Rainbow blinked, finally breaking her gaze from the solid line of emptiness lingering east of the majestic spires of Val Roa. “Oh. Yeah. Just... having to c-contain my awesomeness until we find a place to hide out,” she muttered.
“Okay, good.” Ebon nodded, glancing ahead. “Cuz sooner than later, you'll be able to give those wings of yours some exercise.”
“Wish I could say the same about you and your cooking hooves.”
“Heh. Maybe if there's a backyard grill at the ambassador's suite.”
“There won't be,” Arcanista said.
“Awwwwww...” Ebon's ears drooped.
“Oh noes!” Kera squeaked, feigning torture. “What has Chrysalis donnnne to this plaaaaaace?”
“Cork it in, scampy.”
“Yes, Rainbow.”
The suspense is building.
I feel bad for Prince Ein. It's difficult enough for adults to pick up the reigns of power. I can't imagine what an overwhelming responsibility it must be for someone so young, still growing up.
I'm torn between reading this chapter and rinsing blue dye out of my hair. Why does life have to be so hard?
Eine seems like a compassionate, honest kid who is trying his best for his country, I instantly like him....which is why he should abdicate the throne and join the Jury so he can be royally shipped with Kerra
Well, it would seem as though he's trying to be The Good Prince. That's a good omen.
Of course, his Chrysalis!Advisor will cause problems for him because of this. He is unruly, and thus, cannot be ruled.
Sharp Quill is either really evil or really good. Not sure which yet.
Still think Chryssie is Midnite.
Sharp Quill is making me suspicious that he's Chrysalis, with all the italized "emotion" words in there.
LOL
and btw...
inb4 [The Adventures of Eine and Kera]
No platypus for you, Quilly.
Also, I am suspicious of the Secretary.
What is everyone looking at me for? Am I supposed to say something?
5207481 Illusion magic, remember? Seems like this elk is too good looking to be true.
I like this Eine kid. He seems nice.
Sorry, Quill, you're not a platypus. I was really hoping...
It's too early to tell who Chrysalis is, but Sharp Quill has earned a couple of deception points today.
Oh hey. A nice king. Yay.
Shame IC is probably going to murder him.
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Heh. Royally shipped.
nubblies.net/forums/Photopost/data/2/I-SEE-WHAT-YOU-DID-THERE.jpg
Hmm... for all we know,chryssie hasn't made her move yet, I was half expecting her to suddenly appear,disguised as the shade of Ein's mother/father and we'd be left with him being... disposed of while she takes his place.
The chapter title is a play on The Artist Formerly Known as Prince.
5207544 LOL
Sharp Quill's giving me slightly unsettling vibes, but I don't even fucking know anymore.
image1.masterfile.com/getImage/838-02487694em-Young-man-drinking-alcohol-from-a-huge-bottle-------------------------.jpg
Yeeeaaah. Kera and Eine are totally gonna be thick as thieves. I can't wait!
Sharp Quill has made it to the top of my hit list of entities classed as Grand Vizier. Sorry bout that. The main reason I tend to jump to conclusions, is that when I hit an unyeilding truth, it tends to break. Or at least the mind of the person attempting to sustain it.
I still think there should be chocolate locusts for the Zebra ambassador. Kera can go gaga over king sized grasshoppers.
Jake needs to go blow up the training ground.
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He is no Diamond Dog, but they have my blessing.
I'm sure once things inevitably go south, both him and Kera will have some bonding through ass-kicking.
I eagerly await the moment when Kera and Eine meet. Should be interesting.
On another note... There is no more chapter, I'm finally caught up... What the hell do I do now?
Kera and Eine are clearly going to get along very well. Also really in a situation such as this its extremely likely that they would just move the coronation up to as soon as possible, like the next day or so, rather then waiting like this. In fact waiting more then a day or two especially when they suspect an attack on the would be King is extremely bizarre and really only leads to one conclusion IMO. Regardless of who Chrysalis is I have this feeling that the Counsel has very little, if no, intention of giving this kid any power.
...the First of His Name, King of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First men, Lord of the Seven Kingdoms and Protector of the Realms, blah blah blah, all that jazz.
Now Sharp Quill and purple eyes, that interesting.
Graveyard - Goliath
Add me to the 'eagerly awaiting Eine and Kera meeting' group, that should be interesting. You know what, because Eine's so serious about being a ruler he'll either see right through Kera or call her out on 'not being serious enough' or something, thus jeopardizing her disguise. Or Kera will teach Eine how to have some fun.
Eh, Chrysalis as Sharp Quill just seems too...obvious to be what IC is planning. Especially because because he's triggered so many red flags in his first scene alone. I'm going with he's just an extremely dedicated adviser for now, not that could be just as big an obstacle for our group.
5208218 Sit back, and enjoy the daily horsewords and speculation with the rest of us. And remember, we're only just nearing the halfway point...the ride never ends
Ok, my thoery now is that the rest of the Cabinet is changelings, and Chryssy is taking individual control over each of them to speak through them.
Miletery guy is too obvious... Could it be fish berry?
I don't kmnow why, but shar[p quill feels lkke a red herring to me.
I don't even care anymore if Chrysalis is actually among the power players, or who is being manipulated by her. Val Roa just has too much bad stuff, and it's full of antagonists. Sharp Quill is just one of them, I know it.
I feel like nobody has bothered to consider the possibility that Chrysalis is no longer the true antagonist anymore.
I mean, she got blasted by the power of love, right? Undoubtedly proven that her own methods of cultivating power were pathetic in comparison. So, let's think --- she isn't stupid, she'd probably want to rethink her strategy. Instead of causing mayhem and woe to fuel a changeling army... why not love and harmony to create an army for her. Her endgame is to travel to the dark side of the world to help out Tchern fight all the baddies there, so it isn't like her goal isn't evil, just her former methods.
But imagine if she mustered the entirety of Val Roa on benign terms. What if they wanted to help her?
Not only would Rainbow and co. have no real argument for trying to stop her (aside from past actions), but then she might actually be considered an ally. An ally who knows how to transport an entire army to the dark side of the world, thereby solving the problem of the Grand Choke and Crossing It.
Of course, she'd have to be in an obscenely clever position to steer such a feat. Undoubtedly one of great power within Val Roa. Sharp Quill seems like he might just be a false alarm, and if he genuinely loves the Prince, then...
I think she's the Prince.
Well, I think it's pretty safe to say Eine isn't Chrysalis. As for Sharp Quill, I really haven't a clue. He would be in an ideal position, considering how much the Prince depends on him... but for that very same reason, I really hope he's not her. I think I'll hold off on making actual predictions until we meet all the suspects, though.
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Because then they'd have to explain why Kera can't do it.
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You fools need to shut up or at this rate IC is gonna have Eine murder Kera in her sleep.
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Sharpie is my platypus. MY platypus. The Noble Jury can't have him.
5208218 Suffer, like the rest of us.
5207306 You're right. He could be either very good or very evil. His words work either way. I predict it will be quite a while before IC reveals which it is.
Awww, don't worry, lad. Hope is on the way.
However, if you expect everything to go smoothly, don't get your hopes up too much.
Also, hope won't take responsibility for possible property damage if such should happen.
Son, you really should be careful what you wish for.
So basically, we've got Eine playing the role of Jasmine, Kera will be Alladin, and Sharp Quill is Jafar.
Sound about right?
5209956
Either Jafar or, like, uh, a vizier that's actually good if he happens to not be Chryssie, of which there are none.
Wait, hold up. Eddard Stark. Hand of the King. Close enough
Welp, Sharp Quill was about as unnerving as I expected.
5208688
Let the game of Clue begin
I feel bad for Eine, something's going to just come and ruin everything for him.
Eine is cute~ I want him to get a crush on Keraloo.
who gunna die first
City of the Bronze Shadow.
brutalgamer.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/journey-sunken-city.jpg
That one always fits.
I was sure that Sharp was the queen, not Fishberry, because Fishberry seemed far too obvious.
Well so does Sharp now. I don't really know at this point.
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I propose this ship be called "Sweet KerraEine".
Eine seems like the real deal. And... I kind of get that same feeling from Sharp Quill. Besides, it's way too easy to make the adviser the ambitious, greedy bad guy.
When we meet Chrysalis, we'll know.
I really like Prince Eine- he seems like a great kid, who shouldn't be burdened with the throne. As much as I want to believe that Sharp Quill is genuine, I've grown too paranoid since the Prowse incident. KERA x EINE!!!!!!!
SCAMPI
what is wrong with me
that was a rheotorical question
5207306
That's actually a really good insight. It would allow Floydien closure and Chrysalis could take the throne by marrying the King when they are at war(which they will obviously win). It would also set up a situation where the King takes a dive and die or lose power only to have it usurped by the Queen.
KeraxEine forever.
-Spirit
5228492 *slow clap*
>inb4 Kera x Eine
5897246 See this is why I respond to your comments so often. you always seem to have been thinking exactly the thing I was thinking at the same point in the story. I even have it in my head exactly HOW they'll connect, and what I think will be the main conflict and resolution of it. though I dunno if it'll "work out" or not. He is gonna be a king after all.
Side note, after last chapter I thought Chryssi was the secretary quill... Now? I'm not so sure, I can see her comforting him to earn his trust, but the way Quill said things just doesn't seem like her shtick.