After going to a training session with Sunset gets in a accident and the girls help Sunset recover.
I made this story because I don't really see a lot of accident in this sense.
Chapters (5)
- Member Since 1st Apr, 2018
- offline last seen Last Friday
Charli13
Hi I love legos animals and have a dream of being in the K9 unit in the police force. That's me. Tell me a little about yourself in the comments. Have a awesome day.
Charli13
Joined 1st Apr, 2018 ·
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Some grammar problems but otherwise good.
9694348
I'm not really surprised honestly I'm horrible with grammer.
9694356
Ah well :Shrugs:
9694367
just wondering if the flow of the story is good?
9694376
Needs better spacing of events.
I'd like to think there's a pretty good story here in potential, but I really can't say much because I couldn't get through the read. None of me wants to be mean, so I apologize if I come off as such. My main gripe has to do with punctuation errors and reused structure hurting the story's flow; a lot of times you don't introduce a comma or period and it just kinda hurts my eyes.
Again, I don't wanna just rag on your story, but I recommend going through, ditching extra words where you don't need them, and just making things a little more concise in general. Also, in instances like:
It might help to space out the ideas of, "nothing is gonna happen," "I've been training for this moment," and, "nothing is gonna go wrong." How you do that is totally up to you; you might use a comma splice with a conjunction, a semicolon, or just straight periods, but it's this kind of thing that made the story unreadable for me.
I reiterate: I really don't wanna just harp on your story -- I hate harping on people; it's super mean! -- so I won't go crazy in depth. For someone dyslexic, I think you've done a pretty admirable job and I believe you can only get better. Keep at it!
Full disclaimer: I'm a pretty amateur writer, which is depressing because writing is probably my greatest skill, so what I say is subject to intensive criticism.
9694414
thanks for the feedback. how did you know i'm dyslexic, did you read my other story?
9694901
I read it on your main page.
And you're very welcome! I hope to see your work improve and you have my best wishes!
9694901
Don’t worry Grammar is in the top 5 of almost every writer. Even history books in school can have bad grammar
After going to a training session Sunset gets into an accident and the girls help Sunset recover.
I made this story because I don't really see a lot of accident stories in this sense.
9697167
Thanks
Did you know some states actually allow a friend of the injured person to push charges? But only if the person thinks they really need to have a bigger punishment. And Colorado is one of those states. Wyoming too.
So that means Rainbow can actually go against sunset wishes and press charges anyway. I think Rainbow is really stubborn and won’t let the issue rest. Rainbow is also a motorcross rider it could have easily been her.
I’m going to guess the injuries that happened
Due to sunset still speaking properly I am going to say a minor collarbone fracture.
Since there is no information on the way the shoulder looks it’s most likely a fracture or broken shoulder same with the wrist although the wrist could be a sprain.
Lower back could mean a broken pelvis or hips. A broken hip is actually a lot more lethal. Believe or not people have died because of Broken hips. Strange but true ( WebMD). Broken leg and either a broken ankle or sprain.
Sunset is going to get a dual hip spica cast with a single shoulder cast but extending all the to her fingers. Leg cast for the left. Short for the ankle. And maybe a neckbrace.
Sunset won’t be moving forward a while.
9703811
She may push charges but you'll have to stick with the story to find out
9703925
No she won't be. She will make a almost full recovery though. I have a couple idea's for what's gonna happen next though. Hope you enjoyed this chapter.
9703925
If I were to break her pelvic bone would I still have to put her in a dual cast?
9703956
That question depends on do you want sunset to be able to leave the hospital or not?
A pelvic fracture can require the patient to be locked into a specific device that holds them still and they have to deal with being uncomfortable for 3 weeks because surgery can happen weekly or even daily.
A hip spica is better because they do allow the patient to leave the hospital.
Since the possible neck injury it is best to go the hip spica cast because with the possible broken shoulder the cast would stop by her hips.
If it wasn’t for the hint at the neck injury pelvic would be better but the neck injury means it has to be a hip spica cast.
No matter what sunset won’t be able to move her hips anyway.
I don’t know the name of the device but it only supports the hips.
So go for a hip spica cast because it’s easier too.
9703956
Here is the name of the device used for serve pelvic injury it’s called a Hipjailer. It meant to keep the patient elvated and unable to move. Some times patients can spend a month in it. But there is no leg support or head support.
It’s actually a much longer name but I just simplified it so combine with neck injury the broken hips is better. Sorry it took so long to find more information. I hope this helps.
9706946
It will thank you very much
9706947
Here is the best cast choice if you want sunset to recover outside of the hospital and be with her friends( I have been studying different types of injuries. Unfortunately any type of spinal like a fractured vertebra or even broken would end up with a bodycast. It also immobilizes the closest joint. Which include shoulders and hips. The closer to the head a special type of cast is done to immobilize the head to prevent farther injury to the neck and prevent a possible self-internal decapitation. ( scary I know, right?) unfortunately it is a possibility. It’s called a Minerva cast. It’s a cast completely covers the head but leaves the face free.
The best choice with the injuries you mentioned is a single shoulder spica cast with a long arm cast. A dual hip spica cast with the long legs cast on the leg that’s broken and short leg cast with ankle extension cast.( it goes to the toes. And a short arm wrist cast.
when a new person is speaking you should start a new paragraph
over alla good chapter but i cant see rainbow not punching the guy several times before apple jack stops her
you did not even really give a reason it happened making him feel more like a plot device
9717893
I'm gonna give him a reason in the third chapter. Thanks for the help to.
just a question does anyone know the name of that anon-a-miss story where only fluttershy pinkie and twi stick with sunset but she gets the crap beaten out of her and stays with pinkie for a little and a little later she attempts suicide in a bathroom stall where cherlie finds her. sunset winds up in a coma and before the beating she she had gotten pregnant from a party at twilight's house and ends up her baby dies then the author rewrites it without her getting beat up and or committing suicide i never got all the way trough it and want to finish it. can you tell me the name if you know the story
I'd press charges..... nice chapter.
9767805
thanks
I would say maybe. I answer the questions then get the officer’s name. Find out how bad the injuries are and if they are like possible paralyzed of any limbs I would press charges.
So is sunset going to paralyzed? You could always hint at that being a possibility without giving the answer away.
If you want to know how PM me.
9768597
i'm not going to paralyse her but she's not gonna be moving to much for a little and will need a lot of help from her friends. did you enjoy this chapter?
9768645
Yes. So next chapter is the hospital right?
9768956
Yes
9769097
So you are going to do the body cast.
Oh for the broken shoulder it is called a shoulder spica cast. It immobilizes the entire arm of the broken shoulder and will cover the top half of the body. Ending the cast near the stomach but depending on how bad it can go to the waist. The arm is kept at the same level as the shoulder. To support the immobilized arm there is a rod connecting the body part of the cast to the arm cast. It is just above the elbow. It is done so the patient doesn’t fall over.
A hip spica is a little different. The cast can go up to the inside of the shoulders. The cast also completely immobilizes the leg on the hip that injured. The other leg is casted about half way to the knee. And a rod is added to keep the injury from shifting.
Here is the casts I suggest are a SSS( single shoulder spica cast. A DHS/EDLL Dual hip spica cast with an exstended dual long leg cast. Depending on which wrist is broken you might not need to do anything because of the shoulder spica cast. If it isn’t the same arm I would do a SAC short arm cast. I hope this help you out
Yeesh, I knew Dainn's Anon-a-Miss had Sunset badly injured, but it seems that you really took it to quite a hellish extent.
If I'm being honest, I don't understand how Sunset is still alive. Five days with a likely broken skull with no food or water? Yeah, no, she should have died during that.
I'm sorry if this comes off as quite rude, it really isn't my intention. I look forward to see where this story goes.
9781134
Yeah i made dash a little dramatic in the story at this point that will be better explained at a later point.
.....I see a lot of errors.
9788980
The chapter was rushed to get out when I get back from vacation I'm going to do a better edit of it
9789013
K
Just a little curious here, but what was the legal fallout of Gilda and Co's assault on Sunset in your version?
In fact, considering how dark this AU of Anon-a-miss was, how did the Rainbooms handle them when Anon-a-miss was revealed?
I would imagine that if they went about the ''wrong'' way about it, coupled with the assault, Sunset would still have trust issues. Getting the idea that she needs to be useful, to be their friend (Check out Bitter Tears)
Would this be one of the reasons why Sunset doesn't seem to want to press charges?
9789013
I spotted a mistake with the double hip spica cast. There are two styles to it. Well actually three. The simple one is just up past the bellybutton and is used for minor fractures.
The next one goes to below the breasts and it’s for actual minor breaks usually paired with a leg completely casted and on not.
The final one goes all the way to the shoulders and both legs are casted. This is to the patient still and is used when it is a bad break of it has been shattered.
All of them can come with a diaper because it might not be possible to use the toilet or a bedpan.
I think sunset would be mortified if she had to wear a diaper just to avoid an accident.
In my story the crash sunset gets stuck with the full version of the hip spica cast and there is someone who uses magic diapers to punish the people that make fun of sunset. Those people can’t take off the diaper until they use it for number 2
Even the rainbooms aren’t safe. Rainbow Dash is a target of the person too.
Great chapter. Love the subtle details given. Keep up the good work.
9791682
Thanks it needs work but I'm on vacation do I am putting any writing on hold but will be editing when I get home when I get a chance. Editing and writing with dyslexia is rough cause I look over mistakes alot or think it's right when it's not.
9792318
If you don't mind I could do the editing for you and you could read the final contents before posting it. Though I am also about to go on vacation and will be out of contact until the 2nd of September.
9792357
Sure I always did all the editing myself and don't really know how to send copies of chapters to people if you know how could you tell me if it's not to much trouble
9792697
I usually send it over the private messaging system before the chapter is released the editor looks it over then sends it back over the same pm then you just copy and paste back in the chapter space.
9789304
You will find out I'm not giving anything away but a chapter between the girls will be on the way as a side twi wanting to know more about what happened and more on why rainbow was so dramatic about it in the chapter so just keep following along and you will find out.
ok you went WAAAAAAAAAAAAAY to far with the beating from the anon a miss part that felt more like a parody than anything i could take seriously
im not joking i actually started laughing at how far over the top you went coma for 2 weeks wheel chair for months come on man thats just yea no
9791682
9788980
9789641
All edited if you see any errors just let me know
9814090
I forgot to mention something about the double hip spica cast. It is used to prevent bending in every way. The legs are not strong enough to support that kind of pressure even laying down. The hips aren’t either so what they do to prevent the patient from leaning naturally as you do.( just sit still without thinking and you will find out that you will always learn forward and towards the heavy side.) so to prevent that from happening they add support bars. The way sunset is she would have two of them. One going from the upper leg of the full leg cast about half way between her hips and knees and connected to the other leg in the same place. The other would be connecting just above the ankle. The rods are cover in the same cast material too. It’s usually fiberglass.
I’ll tell you the other style if you are interested in it.
9814201
Sure I always love to learn new things and how to make my stories better thanks for the tip I will add this in a later chapter between celestia and a doctor and the reason I mad dash so dramatic it will all be one big chapter hopefully give any info needed for the viewers.
9814341
The other styles are added in addition to the leg support are rods that go along the side ( not use very much anymore.)
This next one is for shoulder spica casts like a broken shoulder or fractured shoulder bone. Basically the cast goes from the top of the shoulder just leaving a hole for the neck and goes to the stomach or the waist. Double shoulder spica do the full length one. But they also have support rods too. But they are a lot different. They had to immobilize the shoulder completely and that means the arm too. The arm is stuck at about equal level to the injured shoulder but the lower arm is bent across the chest at a 90 degree angle but this cast is heavy. So they add a rod from the body part of the cast from about the waist to just above the elbow or below it depending on how bad the break is.
Minerva cast is a cast that surrounds the head but leave the face open. Sometimes it comes with a chin expansion. The patient can’t open their mouth fully.
There is a mask cast. It’s basically the same as a minerva cast but the face is also covered. They can’t talk and what ever they see out of the holes for their eyes is what they see. They can only grunt and moan due to the cast holding their jaw shut.