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Blaze-saber
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Blaze-saber
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Another story?
Impregnation threesome with Sunset and Sci-Twi
11755808
Yep!
That he did.
dom demon Hunter flash x sub demon sunset
Wonderful concept that leads itself to all kinds of sexy scenarios. A Sci-Twi with pigtails and classic porn-nerd attire could go a long way. Hope you'll describe the size of the characters, hips, bust, height etc to make it more visually easier to imagine.
I don't think "micks" is the word you want here. If you're talking about microphones, that should be "mics." "micks" would rhyme with "ticks" instead of "bikes"
Also:
> "And you've stared in some of these?"
starred*
"I've started in most of these." Burst gestured to the movie he was watching
still starred*
more typos!
Well,* now* you know not to.
"She* won't notice a thing,"
"The torch is passed*"
Also, halfway through you stopped describing things in past tense (he jumped) and started using present tense instead (he jumps). Stick with past tense
edit: finished the chapter. It's a pretty good concept, but there are several things holding it back.
For one, I gave up on mentioning typos, because there were just so many.
Second, the grammar. As I mentioned, it should ALWAYS be past tense. This whole thing where it awkwardly switches back and forth between present and past tense is just obnoxious.
Third, work on your descriptions. Saying things like "this continued for several minutes" is just kind of bad writing. It just sounds awkward.
All of these problems can be solved -- or at least mitigated -- by having a proofreader (or, ideally, SEVERAL) look over your work. Don't just post your first draft and call it a day.
Interesting so far.
A tried and true porn plot to start, and Adagio is just the bad girl to make it work. The romance tag makes me wonder if we'll be seeing a lot more of her. Great start, can't wait to see how this goes.
That said, this could really use a last coat of polish before publishing. I understand proofreading is hard. Especially after you just spent so long writing, you go blind to any errors because you know what you meant and your mind fills in the blanks. Having a proofreader would really help catch all these sound-alike word misspelling. I'd consider asking if any readers want to volunteer to proofread for you. It'll probably take an hour or two depending on if you just want them to fix basic spelling or if you trust them yo actually rewrite stuff for clarity.
As for prompts for Flash's movies? I can think of a few.
With this magical porn studio, Flash can do some really high concept stuff that average porn producers can only dream of. Any set, any costumes, and special effects? I think Flash Sentry needs to see how much this place can do:
Lust on the high sea's: pirate porn.
And who better to play a high-class damsel in distress, negotiating with a dastardly and dangerous (and suave) pirate captain? Rarity.
But I also love seeing the proper girl being absolutely ruined, and who's to say Rarity doesn't have a thing for the drama entailed, she is an absolute ham. Maybe even bring in a couple co-stars to be the pirate crew and run a train on her.
If I were Flash, I would want to check out a few things -
Can this place do *non*-porn? It'd be great for any regular cinema, too.
Also, I'm curious about whether people can be re-locked. Also, whether you can tweak how much they're aware of using the script.
How many people it can work on at once? Would they not recognize each other?
How safety-guaranteed is this? It seems like you could do a faux-snuff flick which ends with the woman looking down at her body and remarking, "that doll is really creepy" to reassure the audience; that'd be no trouble. But could you summon convicts on the run and then arrest them? Could you summon someone you know is about to go into a dangerous situation and it would make sure they get out safely?
So, did the script call for her to recognize him, is it just being Pinkie, or did Adagio just not remember him at all? I'd believe any of those.
> wait around her -> here
> to tie you over -> tide
> it between her chest -> 'between her boobs' or 'on her chest'
> her bubble but -> butt
> frilly blue soaks -> socks
> pink pantie covered -> panty
> Flash finishes licking up her stomach and moves to her tits,
… did he stop fucking her in order to do this?
> Flash contentiously kneads Pinkie's tits -> conscientiously?
HMMM. I just had an idea on who made this place. Maybe it was… an ancestor (probably a recent one) of Wallflower Blush!
As for suggestions…
Rainbow Dash, while skydiving?
Pseudo public sex with Wallflower as a bunch of extras walk by? They might not even notice what's happening even as they converse with the two, having it be perception-filtered.
Sunset and SciTwi in a Zero-G scene set in a space station?
Fluttershy
Fashion model shoot that goes steamy between a stressed and sultry model and a newbie cameraman.
Bonus points if the fashion is about gothic or lace.
Good choice with juniper! Hope we get some amazon applejack at some point
I never caught the EG episode with Juniper, I should find that, she seems like an interesting character. A bit too bad for her that the Studio anonymizes the actors if she actually wanted to get recognized. Though I guess Flash can just credit her correctly on the website so it's on record and Juniper can point to experience next time she auditionsfor a role. I figure fake names are used normally in the credits. We can hope the Studio was smart enough to read intent and didn't "blur" her I guess.
I like that this had a little more story to it, dirtbag Flash was fun and Juniper got some good lines too. I'm a sucker for the pregnancy stuff too so this was solid all around.
The sex has followed porn standards so far (start with oral, photogenic positions, lots of female orgasms with a male orgasm only at the end) wonder if we'll ever see the contrast between that and 'real' sex in this story a la Zach and Miri Make a Porno. I guess I have a kink for meta-analysis?
Aren't you overreacting much!? I highly, HIGHLY doubt they will do that to ya?
I mean, it was your Uncle that gave you the studio. So it ain't fully your "fault".
And the studio is magical by itself anyways, So it ain't your uncle, or your own fault fully either.
Heck, some of them "tried" it with you so far. So technically, they're particularly to blame too IF they want to act so "judgmental" against ya, Flash.
Two-for-one. After show relaxation with Vinyl and Octavia. Flash is just a newbie roadie that gets lucky
Fluttershy usually have the most hugest breasts/boobs/tits out of the Mane Six/Rainbooms respectfully in many fanfics.
Like to see use them for a very great boobjob/Titjob in the next one.
It seems most unwise to pay her half. If the magic is only weakly influencing them, then he wants to make sure that they have no reason to be upset with him whatsoever. Or if he'd kept the video private instead of publishing. Either one.
As for bringing the others in, Rarity isn't concerning, but the others are: AJ, because honestly they might not want that. TS, because she could do science. And worst, SS, because she's more magical and can do the mind reading thing, which could be bad directed at him OR the girls.
Maybe the solution would be to literally invite them over for a movie where they do a magical audit of the place and conclude that it's OK. So he'd write the script, then call them up in person and invite them. Of course, this would also be a porn movie. Like, Scitwi would do science on them while Sunset and Flash are screwing, then she'd take direct measurements (i.e. also bang him)
And of course if they do find something bad and break script, then that's just what he asked them to do.
Assuming that works, the next thing I'd go for would be a lesbian scene between Applejack and Rarity, because honesty might be working in favor of doing it in this case.
Shouldn't it be Twilight ,not Trixie?
Other than that, chapter was amazing
Variety is the spice of life, the strength of the porn studio setting is you can do a lot of different stuff within the story. So no complaints that we leave Flash's PoV and the studio for a bit. Especially for some casual sapphic fooling around.
I am genuinely shocked all three were virgins going in. It does make me worry about whatever the studio's magic does mentally to the women it calls. Had the same feeling when Flash's uncle told him he needed to get all the girls who might see through the magic under the studio's power. Implies things are a bit more nefarious. (I'd actually thought as a laugh that the studio only generates a letter saying "Want to do a porn movie? We'll hide your identity so don't worry about anyone finding out. Pay is good, come to..." and that alone just convinces everyone to try.) Maybe I'm overreacting though, or maybe that's the going to be later plot and Flash's character arc. I'm not going to wring my hands if it goes a more noncon mindcontrolling route, I just think a story that does take the question seriously is a lot more interesting than one that handwaves it away. Which this doesn't seem to be doing, so I'm now even more interested to see where you're going.
nice chapter mate keep it up cant wait for the next chapter
I don't find scenes like this erotic. There's no chemistry between them, and, like, apprenticeship is normal, not something to get mad about, and the threat is crazy - if it gets out, she's embarrassed and he's sending himself to prison. So I just gave up on the scene and skipped to the end.
Anyway, I think the magic is seriously getting to him. Here's hoping that the booms manage to tame it so it still does what it does best but without just being awful about it.
But of course if domination is your fetish I guess it won't happen that way.
Ah yeah, Rarity showing why she's the best girl. Taking the classic slutty secretary trope and doing it well. Loved it.
If the studio didn't make all its own costumes I'd say the two could be business partners. I am loving the romance angle too though, gonna cross my fingers for a little harem, not all the girls, but a quality few.
I remember Flash's uncle saying girls couldn't get pregnant during shoots, I wonder if that includes on the premises considering he just thoroughly flooded Rarity off the set. I do love a knocked up Rarity, I'll hold out hope you run with that kink.
Have to say, Adiago's dirty talk about having Flash's kid was damn hot. Screw logic Flash, embrace the kink. Maybe not with Adiago though, you're already putting your dick in crazy so maybe don't put a baby in it as well.
Though if the studio is that successful and you have the money...
I now have the mental image of Rarity and Adiago trying to out-slut each other and competing to see which one of them gets pregnant first. If Rarity is willing to push for a polyamorous relationship with Flash and a girl she doesn't even know she might be open to a lot.
In this setting, is Sonata like her sisters in relations to lewd stuff, or is she more like a cinnamon roll similar to her show counterpart?
Another girls chapter! Well, I'm crossing my fingers for Shy and Rarity to eventually decide to just share Flash. Happy you didn't drag out the 'not knowing they were both dating the same guy' drama forever.
Probably AJ next, I wonder if he's putting off calling sci-Twi for a shoot due to awkwardness of crushing on the older alternate reality princess version. Or maybe because she's dating Timber? Flash has kept it pretty classy by not pulling girls in relationships, not that there are many canon ones.
Actually this chapter works super well for pacing. It spaces everything out and gives the cast some non-lewd breathing room.
Room of Requirement porn studio lol.
So how are you feeling today?
11828285
A bit better, did you see my message I replied back?
11828302
Yes I did.
Though why hasn’t Sunset made an appearance yet?
11828306
Just wait and see my friend, all it takes is patience
And this ladies and gentlemen is how you lose a fiance
Speaking of Crystal Prep, I'd like to see some chapters with the Shadowbolts.
> Use this as intensive not to slack off
incentive
> You're not a whore. Whores do it for free
no? Whores do it for cash.
> He slid his hand under her skirt and realised she really wasn't wearing any panties.
Well, verified? She just said so
So… I wonder whether the studio's protection against pregnancy and disease works while on premises or only during a shoot.
Good story, so what have you plan of Applejack ? just curious
11837934
You'll just have to wait and see
11837954
oh ok
Aside from Applejack, Sunset, and Sonata, I wonder who else you plan to include for Sentry Studios, as there are a lot of girls and women that are applicable.
Such as the Octavia Melody, Lyra Heartstrings, Bon Bon/Sweetie Drops, Vinyl Scratch/DJ PON-3, Coco Pommel, Indigo Zap, Sour Sweet, Sugar Coat, Fleur de Lis, Moondancer, Wallflower Blush, Vignette, Miss Cheerilee, Sunny Flare, Lemon Zest, Derpy, Fleetfoot, Photo Finish, Gloriosa, Rose, Maud, Spitfire, and given how you already did Luna, there is also still Celestia. And not sure if you plan to bring in human counterparts of other Ponies like Red Heart, or even OC ones like Cream Heart(Button Mash’s mother).
And given how you had recurring scenes for some characters like Fluttershy and Adagio, I can see something like a foursome with all of the Dazzlings and Flash, and/or an eight way between Flash and the Rainbooms happening. And possibly a threesome with Lyra and Bon Bon.
11838978
Hey, haven't heard from you for a while. How's your Kamen Rider build the story coming along?
11839018
It’s a WIP. I’m about 70-80% done with Mirror Magic, but it’s been hard to churn out the finishing parts of it.
And what do you think of the possibilities from the list?
11839448
They seem pretty good. And I hope to see more of your build story very soon because it's amazing
11839457
Thank you. I really want to continue it as I had some ideas to get through. I just need to get through this chapter and maybe the flow can come back.
And looking forward to more of your own stories. Like this one(curious to see what other girls you will include or repeat), and your Saber story as well.
11839496
I also have another Kamen Rider story and you're welcome to look at those as well. Seeing them might also help with your flow
11839500
Oh yeah. Your Geats story is also one I am looking forward to seeing more of.
Honestly. The thing that’s stopping me is how to wrap up the Mirror Magic chapter. For it also foreshadows what comes the next chapter, and that’s when the ball will be rolling. I’ll give you a hint. A certain Trio appears in this Mirror Magic chapter.
11839506
Awesome! I'll tell you this, people will love to see that chapter.
11839511
Thank you. I just need to resolve the Mirror Magic stuff first. Then resolve the fight, and then the aftermath and it will be done.
11839517
Cool
11839517
By the way, what do you think of my Kamen Rider color story?