Live at peace with all men, and carry a long sword that all men may live at peace with you.
This story is a sequel to Project Ladybug
Starlight Glimmer is transported to the distant future against her will. She discovers an Equestria she helped create that is both amazing and sickening. It turns out this utopia has a deadly problem that only she can fix.
Written for the Science Fiction Contest III.
Featured May 3-4, 2024.
Thanks to Airy Words and Nines for proofreading.
Page generated in 0.035 seconds
Total duration
1,017 users online
2,396,861 hits today, 2,917,851 yesterday
My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
Designed and coded by knighty & Xaquseg - © 2011-2024
Support us
SubStar
Chat!
Discord
Follow us
Twitter
MLP: Friendship is Magic® - © 2024 Hasbro Inc.®
Fimfiction is in no way affiliated with or endorsed by Hasbro Inc.®
Why is this story so short?
Well then. If this is iteration 17 of their "fix the future through time travel" scheme, I've got to ask whether they are actually making appreciable progress here, at least in the sense of each iteration of Starlight getting further in the future before she has to resort to time travel to avert some world-ending catastrophes, or if they're just fooling themselves and repeadly trading one disaster for another, perhaps indicating the ultimate futility of their plan? Starlight is certainly stubborn enough to keep trying a plan she is committed to even in the face of reality. And the less critical tidbits she learned, I wonder if she'll act on those too or if they are inevitable? It strikes me as odd that her previous selves wouldnt have tried harder to avert the two volunteers they lost, or do something about that train accident that was mentioned twice.
11895264
The story certainly uses the trope voiced by Mr. Incredible in his interview at the start of The Incredibles.
11895264
the fact that only 1 pony has committed suicide post fusion is pretty evident they found a fix
I’d like to point out that you did a great job with callbacks to the show. I like how you mentioned the wasteland, as well as brought up Maud, Big Mac, and of course pony pox.
Okay, I had a sinking suspicion the opening of the story would play a part later on, but that still didn’t make the reveal less disturbing. Well played, it takes skill to pull that off.
I’m glad your protagonist asks this question, one of my first questions was who triggered the time spell as from my recollection it needed to be cast and wouldn’t trigger on its own accord.
One thing I like about this is that it’s something that the Russo Brothers and their two writers did for the Marvel movies they filmed. They specifically said that characters in their scripts would sometimes be a surrogate for what they or the audience would be asking. Then said question is answered in the story. Very nice work in that regard.
I can’t explain why, but this is making think of Terminator. Actually, that doesn’t surprise me considering they both deal with time travel, are sci-fi related, and this story strikes me a bit as a horror story considering how depressing some of the subject matter is.
Also the pony pox bit makes me think of Dragon Ball Z’s second saga, specifically the heart virus that was supposed to kill Goku. I swear you crammed all of my favorite time travel related stories into one short story.
Okay, just because you know what writers are all about doesn’t mean you have to call them out on it.
I believe this is a Back to the Future reference, if so, I like it.
At this point, I’m certain we’ve stepped over time travel and hit multiverse theory.
I appreciate this, I swear people don’t understand how hard retaining information is, or how badly burn out can mess up the learning process.
Now for my closing thoughts.
A very wise literature devil I know once said that in order to tackle the big matters in writing, like themes, you had to have an abundance of life experience and storytelling experience. I think it’s safe to say you have reached a solid amount of experience to tackle denser subject matter.
I don’t know if this was your intention or not, but I could certainly feel the philosophical ideas being proposed once Starlight brought up immortality, or when Trixie asked about helping others or doing nothing.
I remember a while back you had figured out how long I had been pre-reading and leaving feedback for your work. I think this story has shown how far you’ve come and improved since your first story. You manage to work in a lot of details in a short amount of time, making this short story tight and efficient while also leaving fun references and callbacks, it’s impressive.
Job well done, this was an entertaining read. Keep up the good work, and I will see you when I see you.
Ending is a bit abrupt, but otherwise, this is a solid, if sorta depressing, story.
11895248
Because time was limited by the contest dates, and I don't have more of the story to tell. But as with La Femme Fatale (which also started as a contest entry), if I get the rest of the story I can add it later.
11895264
And I think you just answered your own question. That was also my thought.
As to the other events you mentioned, perhaps those only happened in this iteration or fall below some threshold of what one should risk messing with. We just don't know.
Hey there, fellow contestant! Here's my review:
This story has a lot of cool ideas and it seems keen to get them all out there as quickly as it can. The downside of that is that the story is very exposition-heavy to the point where almost all of it is Starlight talking to herself. I understand that it's necessary, but it feels like there's a little too much "telling," not enough "showing," to use the vernacular. It also seems to show this future as somewhat horrific, and yet Starlight is all on-board to save it. It felt like perhaps there should have been a moment where she could have said, "Maybe it's better if the Fusion never happened..." Just a thought.
However, I think you hooked me back in with a really excellent ending. The fact that this has happened before multiple times takes advantage of the time loop and essentially means that each future Starlight is more or less a growing Collective of prior Starlights, which is very cool indeed! Also, it ties in smoothly with Pinkie laying out 17 tables at the start of the story, so having that come back around made for a nice surprise. So, in short, while the journey to get there felt a bit tedious, the final destination was pretty stellar! Impressive!
11895248
Starlight, every time I see you comment on someone's story, my own included, you always comment with some weird, short, nitpicky question.
These are all comments you've left on other stories in their entirety.
Authors work hard on their stories, so putting effort into something just to get a pissy response like these is a bit like if you gave a little kid a delicious ice cream cone just for them to look at you and go, "Where are the sprinkles?" No gratitude, just entitlement.
Maybe you weren't aware of it, but it's rude and entitled. If you have a comment or criticism, by all means, type it out. But you should really show some consideration for the writers on this site.
11919429
I think she and Twilight have larger problems to deal with than a risk/benefit analysis of The Fusion. And without it, the question is moot because everything would be gone. And finally, I believe ponies (like us) would always choose life.
11919522
I think she probably would have come to that conclusion too. Just a bit of speculation on my part about what might have been added to the story, but it doesn't make it any less enjoyable.