Princess Twilight Sparkle has done something unheard of: she's found a changeling right outside Canterlot borders! But much to his surprise, Twilight saves his life. And when life gives you lemons, you will feed.
Forced to leave her peaceful hometown and flee for her life alongside a mysterious orphan filly named Primrose, New Equestrian war-veteran Scarlet Frost will have to use every resource at her disposal just to stay alive.
I am Nox, the strongest Xelor, or Time mage alive. Or rather, I became him. Like him, I lost my family, but unlike him THEY weren't taken from me, I was taken from them. I will find my home or I'll make a new one and change this world.
Trafalgar Law finds himself lost on a continent he's never heard of inhabited by small equine beings. All things considered, he's taking the situation rather well.
My headcanon is that Changelings don't talk. Haven't seen any evidence to challenge that. Thanks to Super_Big_Mac and Biker_Dash for editing and pre-reading. Go give them a follow!
I think my main problem is that it's dissociative - I can't empathise with the main character 'it', so I find it hard to care about the story. I'm not wild about telling the exciting opening sequence as a 'description to the reader'... it kind of kills any tension in that. Also... maybe this is just me, but I didn't get the ending.
I'm really, really sorry.
PS: There's what seems to be an uncapitalised 'it' at the head of the second sentence back from the end of the second paragraph.
perhaps, the changeling should have a name? association is a big part of these kind of pictures. give the changeling a name and perhaps dialogue? heck, i liked it... despite the changeling missing its leg, and the gashes and other assortments, but i like it. keep it up.
2043805 One of the ideas I had surrounding the making of this fic was that the fandom had done too many "changeling turn good" scenarios. I was so sick of that I decided to write from the ACTUAL canon for the changelings; just mindless drones following a Queen.
My headcanon is that Changelings don't talk. Haven't seen any evidence to challenge that.
Thanks to Super_Big_Mac and Biker_Dash for editing and pre-reading. Go give them a follow!
1704680
I can't. I already am.
Please... no applause. Just throw lots of bits in my direction. I also take Paypal and credit cards.
Cover art is from Ackdari Go check out his stuff!
Hi,
Sorry, I don't like it.
I think my main problem is that it's dissociative - I can't empathise with the main character 'it', so I find it hard to care about the story. I'm not wild about telling the exciting opening sequence as a 'description to the reader'... it kind of kills any tension in that. Also... maybe this is just me, but I didn't get the ending.
I'm really, really sorry.
PS: There's what seems to be an uncapitalised 'it' at the head of the second sentence back from the end of the second paragraph.
perhaps, the changeling should have a name? association is a big part of these kind of pictures. give the changeling a name and perhaps dialogue? heck, i liked it... despite the changeling missing its leg, and the gashes and other assortments, but i like it. keep it up.
2043805 One of the ideas I had surrounding the making of this fic was that the fandom had done too many "changeling turn good" scenarios. I was so sick of that I decided to write from the ACTUAL canon for the changelings; just mindless drones following a Queen.
2044847 tho i see what you mean, i think it should atleast gain some personality