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- Luna has been through many difficult things in her short life. Will she finally get her happy ending or will her past come back to ruin it all?Marie Rivers · 3.1k words · 13 4 · 1.1k views
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Your alternate universe is interesting, but you need to do a bit more work on each chapter before you publish. There is a number of typos. I'm unsure if English is your first language. One of the best ways to self edit your work is to read the chapter out loud. If you read in silence you will pass over your errors, in the same way you wrote them. When you read aloud it forces you to actually read what you wrote.
Also, expand your vocabulary to include some synonyms. You had Luna 'squeak' several times to many. Have her gasp, scrunch down in her chair, cover her mouth so she doesn't squeak.
Overall, your story idea is flowing well, and I'm interested to see where you take this.
Keep writing!