WTFIWWY-Why Did It Have To Be SNAKES · 7:28pm April 28th
This week the life lessons we learned:
-If you're bitten by a venomous snake, maybe don't bring it with you to the ER, just leave the snake alone and vacate the area immediately. The ER people have tests they can perform to determine if you need antivenom and what kind.
-Don't rip two losing lottery scratchers in half and tape them together in an attempt to fraudulently attempt to claim a $1 million dollar prize, they have serial numbers on the back they check, they will run those numbers, find that you tries to cheat the system, call the police and you will go to jail. That is perjury.
-If you buy a bad batch of drugs from your dealer, don't call the cops to report it, that's self-incrimination. Make the police work for it.
-If you go to Dunkin and they don't have enough of your favorite doughnuts to fill your order, don't go crazy and scream and show out and storm out and return with a weapon, just have them put a different doughnut into the box or go to Krispy Kreme. I get it, you're drunk and you've got a specific craving. But c'mon...ain't no doughnut worth committing a felony over, unless someone snatched one of my fresh outta the grease, glazed Krispy Kremes.
-If you run out of gas or break down on the highway and pull over into the breakdown lane, maybe turn your hazard lights on and try to wave other motorists down. Don't pull out a gun and open fire, that'll make the other motorists speed up, and you will get arrested.
-Don't pull bear cubs from a tree to take a selfie. Don't pull bear cubs from trees, period, paragraph, exclamation point! At best you will get arrested and go to jail.
