Ranger feedback · 4:39pm Feb 7th, 2019
Hello readers!
So, I was wondering about my Ranger readers (show of hands would be nice!) and whether you'd be interested in sharing your thoughts about the story overall here. I'm curious about a few things, if you'd indulge me and comment on them (with as much detail as you like):
1) What do you like about Ranger the most?
2) What do you like about Ranger the least?
3) Do you like more character-oriented chapters, or action-oriented?
4) Should I put a bit more focus on the science and magic technicalities behind what's going on? Or is it enough as is?
5) What do you think needs improvement?
And, less important, but of equal curiosity to me:
A) What's your favorite scene/arc/moment so far?
B) Do you have a favorite OC yet?
C) Who's your favorite Canonical character in this story?
D) Do you ever discuss Ranger outside of the fic?
Of course improvement suggestions and all comments will be taken into account! I'm really curious about what you all have to say about the story as a whole.
Thank you!
~WD
I have to say, choosing to adapt XCOM 2 and fitting it into the EqG timeline was a pretty bold move. And you've pulled it off, I'd say (even if the Shen's Last Gift and Alien Hunters chapters were a bit lost on me as I don't own either of those DLC).
1) It's an interesting and fun to read story.
2) Can't think of anything.
3) Character.
4) I'd like more, but I also think it's fine as is
5) Can't think of anything.
A) The two Gabbys meeting.
B) Does Crysalis being the Commander count?
C) Human!Sunset, if she counts.
D) no.
1: The way it's actually been done - Equestria Girls blended perfectly with XCom 2, with the added bonus of 'there's always more'.
2: Two different worlds (ponies and human) trying to fit together. It seems a little out of place at times (I would put short chapters, but I understand you can't do much about that, so it's probably not very helpful.)
3: Action, if only because there's really not that many characters you can expand upon.
4: Only a little, if at all. Too much and it gets hard to keep track of it all. Still, it is interesting.
5: Nothing off the top of my head. Maybe focusing on some of the more minor characters? they don't get enough love at times.
A: The little FMP arc. Just loved how Sunset reacted in a completely peaceful enviroment. I'm tempted to request another visit there - perhaps Sunset with guns and stuff, in her own body, maybe even with some aliens. Not right now though - I don't think an evil Sunset would work well.
B: I think Jane. She's a sort of 'another version of Sunset', but one that is more level headed, but still vunerable to emotions. (I know she's in the game momentarily. If she doesn't count, then probably Viper Angel. It's just adorably hilarious.)
C: Twilight, if only because there's now so many different sides to her, and it's interesting to see a 'peaceful' pony being a killing soilder. But it's hard not to love Sunset. Either version of her, actually.
D: Barely - but only because I really don't get many chances to talk MLP in the first place.
Sorry if B and C are invalid - there isn't really a clear line about who's an OC and who's not in the fic.
I'll go by it point for point:
1) The action scenes are extremely engaging and there is some serious character development.
2) The pacing is really slow. I know it helps with things like character development and detailed scenes but we're already at 400k words and is probably going to get close to at least 700k, this is going to dissuade anyone other than the most die-hard readers from picking it up and remain engaged in the future. I know it would have dissuaded me if I hadn't picked up on it earlier, day by day updates are much easier to keep interest in.
3) The current balance is good. Also, character-oriented and action-oriented chapters aren't mutually exclusive.
4) I think that would take too much momentum out of the story.
5) Though the pacing is too slow in my opinion changing it now might screw with the flow of the story.
A) I'd say the Sunset getting stuck in the Canterlot high alternate timeline due to discord but I'm really enjoying the current Twilight in Equestria arc.
B) Angel, hands down.
C) All of them are really interesting but I'd have to go with Twilight due to the extreme culture shock and her trying to deal with it, Sunset had it a bit but Twilight was thrown into the meat grinder much faster.
D) It has come up in the MLP book print server a couple of times, but other than that not really. (They discussed the option of printing but it would by this point take four books to print which is unfeasible.)
Anyway I really enjoy the story and am looking forward to the next chapter
1) It's a good read.
2) Nothing at the top of my head.
3) Both are good in their own way.
4) It's good as it is right now.
5) Nothing I can think of.
A) Sunset in the normal EqG Universe and Twilights return to Equestria.
B) Galahead, Silent G and Tala
C) Mox (Vox Tala for Ten) and Central
D) no
1. The blending of the two settings, incorporating aspects of the EqG world into Earth's past and present to help Sunset feel like an organic part of the world. Character development is a very close second.
2. The plot bloat. The current state of affairs has gotten unwieldy to the point where a large number of storylines have to go on hold while one or two make progress. It's a hazard in most stories like this, but the short chapters make it especially noticeable.
3. Depends on the needs of the story. Both have their place. Just look at how you wove together the trek to Daring's house, the encounter with Caballeron, and the aftermath.
4. Personally, I'm always up for more thaumobabble, but I'd say you're at a good level at the moment.
5. Keep a close eye on that complexity creep.
A. Human Sunset and company's last stand.
B. Angel is best cuddlesnek.
C. If she counts, human Chrysalis; you took the base persona and steered it in a fascinating alternate direction. If not, Twilight, for the same reason.
D. Usually when tagging or commenting on fanart on Derpibooru and providing links to the story for the sake of context.
1. I love the brilliant way you've managed to smoothly blend the magic, and its reduced state in the world of EQG, into the psionic and techno-distopia of XCom. It all feels like it naturally fits together, and now I occasionally catch myself looking for elements of the other when I consume either source material.
2. I find myself left in suspense with each plotline as the story moves from thread to thread in semi-self-contained arcs. Each time you manage to grab me and keep me invested, but I then get frustrated for a paragraph or so each time it switches and I realize I'm not seeing the next step with the characters I was looking for. I think this may be a consequence of how large this story has gotten, with a sprawling plot being fulfilled by multiple parties in parallel. The best solution I think may be to do something like with each switch, quickly recap where this group of people is and what they're doing for the main plot (Though read in a single sitting this could get repetitive easily), or to intersperse the character arcs a bit, so the entire central cast of the story section goes through their arc at "the same time" from the reader's perspective, rather than having one group go through their development, then time-skipping back to watch this other group have theirs.
3. Personally, I like the character-focused bits more, but I re-read the action sequences more for fun. Of course, the best of both worlds would be to have characters defined through action and develop in action pieces, but that's not a reasonable thing to expect consistently, and would get boring fast on its own. One thing of note, maybe it's just because I've been re-reading past chapters over and over again to try and really pin down each character's personality and arcs, but I feel like you may be re-treading the same group a bit sometimes. I understand if Twilight has to go through the culture shock of being in Equestria and acting like it again, but I find it hitting a lot of the same beats that Alejandra hit during her same progress, which Twilight helped her through. As I said, I'm not acting like a normal reader here, so don't take this to heart. Maybe just have a character, probably Laetitia, who actually can make the transition semi-smoothly to contrast and show that this is a character's problem, and not purely a systematic one.
4. As an Engineer, I want to say YES, but as an amateur writer I have to say no. I really like the technical stuff of how the world works, and for your story you should at least have a good idea of the rules it operates under for each situation, but if you're trying to show off the cool way you managed to get your modified physics to do something that would seem counter-intuitive, the story will suffer as you force it. At least that is my experience. If it becomes relevant, bring it up, but don't try to show off any of the neat fiddly bits inside the story. That being said, if you want to do an aside to show off all the cool lore/world-building you've done in the background. . .
5. I feel like I've pretty much covered this in my previous points. At least, nothing new comes to mind. Maybe whip any pre-readers or editors a bit harder, I've noticed a scattering of grammar/usage errors, but again, I've been re-reading chapters multiple times each sometimes.
A) I really enjoy how you portray culture shock. Every time you have characters try and wrap their heads around how the other groups think, it really makes an interesting read (This includes XCom in Equestria, Fluttershy with Tala, and the CMC as civvies dealing with XCom). I also am a huge fan of the arc with Dragon and Menace working in tandem on the same mission, it was really cool watching them try and coordinate with each other across something as chaotic as a war zone.
B) Tala and Deadwood. Both feel like they have a good head on their shoulders, which can be a nice change of pace. Plus, both of them have a way of handling the world that I personally find pretty relatable.
C) Chrysalis, hands down. She is in command, and she handles it. We can see the cracks of how it breaks her down, but she handles it. I personally find her to be a more and more engaging character the more we delve into what she's facing and the ghosts haunting her. I'd also be interested in seeing just how XCom Chrissy and Equestria Chirssy react/interact with each other.
D)Never Explicitly, which is a real shame. All my brony friends were back in High school. Now My friends know I appreciate the show and this sort of stuff, but more just tolerate it since I don't bring it up much. I've never had an IRL friend to share fanfics with.
Overall, you're doing great!
[raises hand]
:)
As for the questions though, ah, not sure I'll be much help, but I'll give them a try:
1) Don't know.
2) Don't know*.
3) ...Maybe character-oriented edges ahead a bit? Not sure, though. But if one of them's ahead for me, it's more likely that one.
4) The current levels seem fine to me; I don't remember a sense of there being too little or too much.
5) And... don't know.
A) Don't know!
B) No. Though, actually, my relative lack of familiarity with XCOM (among other things) could lead to confusion over which characters are OCs. However:
C) I don't know this, either. :D
D) Hm. Not that I recall. I wouldn't mind doing so, but I don't recall it having come up in other conversations so far either.
So, er, yeah, sorry that wasn't more useful. I've been enjoying the story, but I often find these sorts of questions difficult.
*Okay, technically, I think I do know, it being the typos, but I don't see that as very useful feedback since both of us know that neither of us likes those and you already work to eliminate them (and in the way of typos, they are very resistant to being eliminated).
I have to say I really love this story, I started reading around chapter 30 and can't stop
About the questions:
1) It's really hard to tell, I think it's the combination of action, amazing character growth and mixing MLP with XCOM
2) Sometimes the story slows down too much for my liking, but it could be just my personal preference for action.
3) Action, though they would be meaningless without the character building
4) I would love that
5) I'm not sure if there's anything, there haven't been anything that really struck me as: that should have been done differently. Even 2) is more of a neatpick
I know I kind of contradict myself sometimes, but that's my general feeling about the story. Keep up the great work and can't wait for more Ranger to come
I like the character bits. My main problems are: (1) it's been ages since we've seen the main character of the story, and it feels like we've lost the plot at this point; and (2) the installments you release often feel not like chapters but merely portions of a chapter, which is a little unsatisfying to me. (It's one of the reasons chapters of Changeling Space Program are so long after a certain point- I'm essentially writing each one as a story in its own right, with the missions as the climactic action. And, yes, there were times it drove me nuts when I was writing The Maretian.)
You don't do a bad job with the characterization. Yes, Lily Shen and Dr. Tygan are a bit thin, but they're not much more than background characters, since your focus tends to be on the field team plus those Sunset herself is closest to- Twilight, Bradford, Chrysalis.
Finally... I think the issue should be less about whether a scene is action or character-building and more about whether a scene advances the plot. I'm still seriously thinking about taking out an editorial chainsaw and turning Maretian into an abridged novel-length format to post at fanfiction.net because of all the filler I posted as part of the daily-post challenge. For the most part the plot stopped dead with the rise of Fugue, and all the action or character-building since then still leaves me wondering what's going to happen there. The diversions don't satisfy.
I'm sorry I don't have more to say, but picking out favorites or the like would require me to reread from start... because I've forgotten most of what went on earlier in the story at this point. That's not a problem with your writing as such, but the wandering narrative hasn't helped.
1. The story line. Youve built a world, and a good and detailed one at that.
2. The latest chapters, Im agreeing with Kris a bit on this one, the latest chapters feel unfinished, like they should be combined a few at a time. Its not word count but that you are staying in a single scene or same small period of time across too many chapters.
3. Character vs action? Youve had a good balance so far, I think... wouldnt change the ratio.
4. Only if it adds something to the scene... I love technical stuff but, some times a story doesnt need much.
5. Just development with chapters right now. Ide rather have a bit longer wait between each chapter to have something more complete vs just making chapter number go up.
A) favorite part? Probably Twilight's immersion into Sunset's world...
B) I love Alejandra!
C) Princess Luna. Shes making a huge effort to make changes and save lives from her home dimention.
D) Nope... Ive no friends in the fandom in my social circles, which sucks because Ive got quite a few awesome stories (this one included) to reccomend and non of my IRL friends to share them with.
5009827
DONT YOU DARE CUT UP THE MARETIAN! Even the filler was awesome and just added to the story! New readers will still love it.
5009837 It's not like I'm going to take down the unabridged version, jeez. But it's 289 chapters and almost half a million words. That kind of thing does intimidate some people.
5009841
Lol fair point there. Not everyone hits the >100k word filter and keeps it there...
1) What do you like about Ranger the most?
It's a crossover, and I like the way you blend worlds seamlessly. Also, the characters all feel so alive, even minor ones.
2) What do you like about Ranger the least?
... Well, like some long running shounen anime, sometimes it takes a long time to get around to a point with lots "filler" in between. In quotes because Ranger doesn't really have filler, it's just that there's a lot going on. This can be good if there's a nice payoff, or annoying if you're on the edge of your seat waiting for the story to confirm what you are already sure about, and even that's rather subjective. It's a minor complaint, really. You're much more often than not on the good side of this.
3) Do you like more character-oriented chapters, or action-oriented?
Character, but having that well balanced with action adds an element of drama and adventure that's fun.
4) Should I put a bit more focus on the science and magic technicalities behind what's going on? Or is it enough as is?
I love that kind of thing, so the more the better, though I suppose you could take it too far. It's probably enough as is, and really depends on the topic of the chapter. Quite a few of the last chapters haven't called for it much. I'd expect more later, revealed when the characters learn about things.
5) What do you think needs improvement?
I don't know. While I haven't read everything, I've been following long enough to see real improvements in your style and skill. The fact that you have been able to write Ranger the way you do is a testament to that. Nothing immediately stands out to me as needing improvement.
And, less important, but of equal curiosity to me:
A) What's your favorite scene/arc/moment so far?
The death of Mox. Not necessarily the death itself, but the events leading up to it, the bonds the characters forged, and how that event affected them and showed their depths.
B) Do you have a favorite OC yet?
Snek, I suppose. It's hard to choose, but snek stands out.
C) Who's your favorite Canonical character in this story?
Sunset Shimmer, hands/hooves down.
D) Do you ever discuss Ranger outside of the fic?
Not really, but I don't discuss any fics off site that much except with one friend.
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Thanks guys! I appreciate you taking the time to respond! Hopefully the timeline I added helps a little, and I'll consider all the points mentioned :)
5010644
I'm currently running the game with EqG characters in honour (even if poor AB has become something of a Chosen magnet...)
Better late than never, right?
1) What do you like about Ranger the most?
Seeing the fantastic way you take canon characters (Sunset and Twilight most obviously) and use the XCOM universe to give them radically different character development to canon.
Also, the strong sense I get that you've had all the major plot points planned out since the beginning. There's so many secrets being gradually revealed, but it very much comes across as revelations of what's been the case all the time, not a twist being made up partway through.
2) What do you like about Ranger the least?
As others have said - the slow pace. It's tricky, because Twilight's adventures with Galejandra and Lutaetia are fun and all, but I really want to see the main Sunset/Fugue plotline progress more. (Well, the timeline has helped me realise that this may well be actually in the service of finding a way to restore Sunset, but there was a lot of mucking around with griffins and suchlike before we got there.)
3) Do you like more character-oriented chapters, or action-oriented?
I'd say character. (Obviously the ideal is chapters that advance characters through action, but those can't be every chapter. I would very rapidly get bored of action that doesn't advance characters or plot though.)
4) Should I put a bit more focus on the science and magic technicalities behind what's going on? Or is it enough as is?
I do love explanations of this kind of thing, but for the sake of reining in the bloat I have to say no.
5) What do you think needs improvement?
By contrast with the voices here, I do like having a steady trickle of small chapters, even if they're not a complete scene. If the prose is being written at a constant rate then I'd rather have tiny chapters released every day or two rather than larger chapters every week or two. (I won't always read them every day, and sometimes I get to catch up several small chapters at once, but that's still my preference.)
A) What's your favorite scene/arc/moment so far?
That's really hard to say. I loved Sunset's blood transfusion to Jane along with the revelation that this had imparted some blood magic to Jane, which raised lots of possibilities - though I'm a little surprised that that seems to have been neutralised now without as much payoff as I'd expected. I think the moments of revelation, like Chrysalis being the Commander, the Sirens being the Chosen, those are some of my favourite moments. But there've been so very many very cool scenes and arcs that it's hard to pick just one or a few.
B) Do you have a favorite OC yet?
Viper Angel, probably, though I do like Tala and Jane as well.
C) Who's your favorite Canonical character in this story?
It is still Sunset Shimmer. I can see why people say Twilight, but when both of them are battle-hardened, I feel it suits Sunset better than Twilight.
(I have to give an honourable mention to Sweetie Belle, actually: I love that she had the courage to be an ADVENT presenter while moonlighting as a Resistance presenter. I'd like to see more of her... except, well, there's the problem with showing all the characters again - the plot will never advance...)
D) Do you ever discuss Ranger outside of the fic?
Certainly with my wife. Maybe once or twice in comments on other Fimfics? Oh, and I mentioned it to my RL friend who's into crossovers of any and all kinds.
5010753
Since you mention playing XCOM2 with EqG characters: Do you have a good mod for multi-colour hair? I've been wanting to do that using the Everfree Militia mod to get the M7 voice packs which are great, but I'm not keen on Sunset as a just-red-hed rather than red-and-yellow-head.
5011643
Sadly, there is no hair colour mod, but I use a few of the hairstyles and some kit from the Anarchy's Children pack. I also use the Workshop audio files, although some of them do come across as a bit weird in the context. Sunset's is the only EqG specific pack, and that's because it uses custom audio recorded by Wubcake.
Mind you, I got a laugh when using a SPARK which I had given the Sweetie Belle voice pack. It missed a shot, then played this audio file:
1) My favourite thing is just how well it's written. Every time I read a chapter I want to pick up XCOM 2.
2) My least favorite thing is it's been to long since we've seen Sunset.
3) I like an equal mix of the character development and action.
4) I think your explanations of the science/magic is good as is.
5) I can't really think of anything that NEEDS improving, though I would like to see SOME advancement with Sunsets romantic life (Snaaaaaaaake) beyond "Half the team wants to be with Sunset, but she's oblivious."
It's worth noting that I like the pace you release chapters. It shows that the story is by no means dead, and I can hold off a couple weeks then binge.
A) Loved the Julian ark. I had no idea what would happen and couldn't decide if I liked or hated the Julien until the end.
B) Angel Snake.
C) Sunset
D) I recommended this story to some friends, but that's about it.