T-triple upvotes, The Spy of the Tiger?!
I did the best I could to "smudge" the text with some good ol' Zalgo text. :P
"T͉̦̫͓͓̯r͎̝̟͍̼̪̤ḛ̺̼̥ͅe̹ͅf͇̼̫̳"̗̲͉ͅ
̟̟I̹n̻͙̣͈̟ ̲̩̺w͚̱͚̝̤̹h̖͕͔̘̦i̟̤͈͈c̖̞͈̙͎h̙͉̗̩̰ ̠͕̺̬͇̩͔a t̝r̝̠͇ḙe ̻͉̰͉͔i̦̺̭̖̹s͍ ͓̙a̫̭͙ ̯͈̳̞ṱ͖̜̪ͅͅhi̲̘̩̲̩͚̙e̙f͇.̟̬̻̫
̲̤̪͉͉̰T̙͇̳̘̗re͉̠̯̪̭̘͇e̳͍͖͇͎̗͈ ̻̪̝̟t̰he̘̜̝͇ ̫͍͙̝t̪̬r̝̤̠̜e̻̼e͉ ̦͈̜͖̹ͅt͉͎͓̜͙͎r̪̖̳̩e͚̲͕̮e̻̗̮̗'d̹̠͈̣͇̲̺ ̠̫̹d͚̞ow̤͈̲n͔̩̝̩ͅ ̬̙͓̬͉͔ͅt̼̭͎̭h̘͈̜̣̪̟̩e̳̳ ̝͚̼̬̩s̞T̟̳̪R̥̙͚͇̘͕ͅE͖E͍͉̩̞t͕.̥̼̪̭ ̟͚̣̮̗̗Tr̗̟̼͍̗e̤̹͈̭ͅe̠ kn̗̰̞̥͈e͓̥͕w̮̖ t̮͉̤̯h͉̤͙̥a͙̭̤t̗̺ ̜̟he̻ ͔͙̺̩͕̣̰w̫̫̺̦͚a̹ͅs̻͍ ̗a̰̱̗͈̬̪ ̬̥̞͍͍͈ͅv͓̭̺͇̼e͙̫̱r͖̼ͅy̰̙ ̟̙̮͍̟u͔̞̦̳̠̯̭ṇ̱̝f̱͉̟͎o͈̤̲̯̤r̪͕̝͙̝͚t͖̠̮͖u͔̺n̮̗̮̮ͅat̤e̪ͅ ̥t̮̙r̠̣̹̙̰̤ͅe̼̬̯̝e̼̠,͕̩̦̦̖ ̮h̪̤̘͉͉a͈̺̫̲̞̲̱vi̦ͅn͉g͎̯͓͓ ͉̦b͙̜͓e̲̤e̜̟̖̭̭n̗̤ ͉̘d͇̯̻͍i̬̫̻s̰̦̻o͍̠͔͙wne̠̺̣͖̤ḏ̯̠͉̹̮ ̭b̺̞̲͔̻͉y ̩̭̺͇S͓̮w̹̺͉̳̪e͇̫̯̰͔̲ͅe͕͎̱̗̪̖t͓̲̫̗͍ ̳̳̗͙̻A̯̘p̼̰͎p̤̬̗l͎̠͔͚̘e͉͇ ͖̯̜A̻̭͓̤c͍̱̖͍̞͖r̘͔e̻̭̞͉s̻͉̮͖ͅ f̟̮̺͉͉͖̥o̙͉r̫ ͔͉̯̙͉̭g̝̖̘̭ro͔̟w͇̮̝̺̙i̲̭̥̬͙̝n̺̫̣ͅg̘͙ ̭̜co̻̟̰͉c͚̖̻̺̝̺̲o̜͈͚̩̳̬̞n͈̻͖ͅͅu̙͍t̪͔̦͉͚͚ͅs̖̙̫͎͖̘̱ ̮̮̺̺͚̩i͍̩̟̳n͙̳̠s̟͇̠͇̦͕͙t̞̬ͅe̩͇̘̩̖̮aͅd ̩͇̮o̼̳̘̠ͅf̜͈̼̪͔ ̦a͖̺̬̝̯̼p͍p̝̪̻̮l̜̘̗͖̼̤e̪s͔͙̭̣̬̝,͎ ͚e͔̣̺̹̯̤v͚ͅe̙̗̖͓̯̥̳n͉̗ ̮̜̘͔̩̳t͕̘̙̜̰h̬̗̬̤͓̻o̭̦̹̣̞u̝̩g͕̜̦h͔̳̘ ͖̥̳h̰̺̻̩̼e̞͖ ̖͍w̫͓as ̘i̜̫̞͚̮ṉ͕͓̲d̠̫e̠̮̬͕͚e̲̯̣̙̙͓̗d̬̫̟͉̦̰ ̹̥̺̟̳̘̩a̫͚̮͖̦ͅn̬ ͎͎̟a̮͙p̟͚p͔̰̯l̹͉̞̘ḙ͉ͅ ͚̳͇̞t̯̳̱̜ͅr̞̟̟͔e̘̦̳̙e̮̗͎͇̥̞.̝ ̯A͚pp͎̘̲̳͈̣l̳̜̲e̮͉̞̩j̦͇̜̖̰̣a͓͙̟͉̪͈c͕̣̯̞͉k͕͔̟͍͉ ͇̳p̗̘̯̯̘aͅs̬̘̹͔t.͔̱̠̤
̘̤͓͔̩͔̙
͓̥̦̼͕͔̺Na̙tu͎̝r̗̯a͕̰̼͕̬͔̺ll͙̳̣̩y̞͇̟̻̼̦ͅ,̮̙͚̥̮̪ ̬͉̼̗̭̩a̰̮̗͎s͇̟̻̭̖ ̖͉̹̥͖c̫a̮n̖ ̝̟̟h̭a͔̱̦̘p̜̙͖p͇̖ͅe͓͙n̯̥̻̩̱ ̲w̠͔̭̮ith̙͇̻ ͚̰t͈r̬̟e̲̟e̹̘̩̼s̪̝̬̰ ̭̟̭̘͉a̜̼͙͖̘̞̳n̳ͅd̩̮̱͎͈ ͓h̜̘̣͉͉̟a̲̰̘ts̩̮͚̤͍͓͙,͓̻̠̣͉͚ ̠̻̺̹ͅAp͇̻̲͈p͖̞̺͕͍̻̬le͉j̘͎͍̦̰a̙̳̦̞͖͕c͔͈̙ͅk̳̖'̘͕͓̬̮̥s̝ͅ ̮̲̪̭͈͇h̻̲̠̥̟̹a̪͈̦̣̦̖t͖̮̞͚̱̼ ͕͚g̺̬̩͖̟͙o̻̙͔̣̜̺͚t̤̫̪̭̟ͅ ͚c͕a̤̱̤͓̜̼ͅu͇g̜͍̰̻̺̭h͔͎̮̥̺̹t̫̳̪ ̪̖i̬̗̙̠̘n ̙͔͔͙̱͎T̯r̥͉̹̥e͍͙̭͉e͈̲̥͚'̘̺͕̞̼s͚͔̗͈̞̮͉ ̪̼͈b͖̣̳͚r̘a͚͔̤̜̞͈n̟̤͙̝͔̥ͅc̠͕̞̜͎h͙es̠.̺̬̪̜̭
̬̻̣̖̖̦
̠̙͚̖̖̼"̬H̯̩̹̫͈̻ey̬͚̮,̬͈͉̤͖̼ͅ ̗̲m͇͕ah̘͉ ̠͙̬̯̬͇h̟̳̮̹͈̯̼ḁ̼͉̘̯̩t̜̤̳͓̮̹̼!̬̻"̥͖̪̥̣
̘
͈͎͓T̘̜͎̼͓ͅr̟̺ḙ͓e̲̤͖͇̖ ̞̫͖̭̞̦̤c͖̖ͅo̼͉̫n̺̞ͅṯ̯̤͔̲i̪̯̜n̯̮̯̥͍̤̥u͇̪̠e̥͈͉̩̥̫͕d̠̱̻̮͇ ͙̘t̤͍̙̫o ̞͇͖͇̜̩ț̩̼̫r̺̲̟͇̗͓e̳̦̘͉ͅe ̮̦͎d͈o̬͇͚̖w͉n̯͔͙̲̖̞̼ ͈͈ͅt̤̗̹̠ḫe̜̼͖͔ ̲͕̗̠̪͉ͅs͔̜̹t̼r̥̪̮̮e̳͙̟̱et̤̝̟. ̖Tr̗ͅe̺̜e̼̯ ̤̠̗d̹͔͔̰̺ͅo͎n'͇̫̫͔̹̲t̼̯̻̳ ̟̞͉ca͚̖re̮̠͎ ̝̬ab̞̣̞̺̝o̪̲ut͈̫̗̻̭̟ ͙̠̠̟͙p͉o̠nỵ̼̳̤ h͔a̼̱tṣ̞̟͉̠̱̮.̬̱̗ ̤̯͙͓T̩͕̱r̤̤͖͔̪̯e͉͉͙͉͕̳ḙ ̯̻o̹̞̭̤͎̳͓n͍l̗y͓ w̬̣͈̟̼̣͇a̟̩͔̞̘̬͖n̺͕͇t͙s̻̳ s̮͈͚̞̰̣̹u̱̳̬̗̻͉͙n̝͓l͎̪̫͉i͙̳̣gḥ̪̪̯t̥̩͙̰̝̹ͅ ̝͎̦͚ạ̝͓ͅn̯͓͚̩̭d̬̮̜̰͈̰ ͓w̳͖͓̖̯̞a̦̝t̼e̩̙̞ͅr̤.̗̮̦̠̳̺̹ ͖̺͎̭̬̟̳S̜̤c̜r̠̥̠̞͓̼̭e̳͓̘̗w̰̭̣̳̤̤ͅ ̲̝͉͕t̗̩̬̼̖̮ḫ̣͇̭̰e͍̞̠̱ ̣̳h̘̬aṭ̮̭̰̲.̜̳ ͕̬̖͓I͈͕̘̣͙t̼̲̖͙͇̘͓ ̝̣̙b̬̯͓̙̦e͙̼̫̻̜l̜̠͕͚͚̺̮o̘n͎̠̖g̩̘s͓̞͔͎̫̩ͅ t̠̣̣̫o̤ T̩r̦̝̙̺e͙̟̙̼ͅe ̯̭͖͔n̳̤͖͎̩o͕͖w͔̩̗̥͍.̮̩̪
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