A mysterious ruin in a far-away land. Prophecies about a lost relic from one of Equestria’s past champions hidden within. Really, how could Applejack and her friends turn down such an adventure? (Quite easily in Fluttershy's case, but she goes with them anyway.)
Final edits and revisions (hopefully) finished on 08/26/20
This story is a (somewhat distant) prologue to A Demon In Equestria but can be read as a stand-alone story.
Please note that while this story occurs entirely in the world of Equestria, the setting has been heavily influenced by Dungeons & Dragons and the Pathfinder system.
Proofreading by Squeakerspeaker. Cover art courtesy of Ambris and used with permission.
Chapters (2)
Oooo prologue spin off
More lore!!
Yeah, that sounds about right
Good stuff, but this is some terribly frantic pacing. You rush from scene to scene with barely enough time to take in everything that's happening, glossing over half of the details at least. The fight scenes are so fast and furious that's it can be hard to follow anything that's going on, and Lavender Unicorn Syndrome kicks in to a degree that's downright contradictory with the rest of the story. (If you feel the need to introduce each of the Mane Six at the start, why would you think your audience would know which one is "the baker," especially in an AU where, for all we know, she may not even be a baker?)
Again, there's some quality content here, but it's terribly compressed. Give the plot points room to breathe. Build some suspense on the way back. Let us take in the grandeur of the throne room when Celestia and Luna truly are goddesses. Let the audience actually get to know Candy Corn so she feels like less of a disposable red shirt.
Oh, and maybe don't use the term "Magus Corps" when you're borrowing so heavily from Pathfinder. I kept expecting Candy to use spell combat.
Gotta agree with 10361157, here, this story was extremely rushed. The scenes got caught off before they had time to breathe, and LU Syndrome when this story is an AU definitely doesn't do it any favours. Stuff was happening so quickly that I barely had time to process it all before I suddenly get thrown in the next scene. Shame, it had some good potential.
So she'll probably attack you again, got it
Her mane, obviously
So use some unconventional means, it's not like it's indestructible after all
Nope
10361294 10361157 Thank you for your criticisms & concerns, I'll go back over the story and see what I can tweak or expand upon.
)
Although, the fight scenes are fast and hectic on purpose (full scale battles might often take several hours, but small skirmishes (like the fights here) rarely last even a few minutes, to my (admittedly, limited) knowledge), still, I'll consider extending them some.
(And I thought I had avoided Lavender Unicorn syndrome by using a mix of names and readily identifying terms for each of the Mane6
10362502
I don't know how to tell you this, but that's literally LUS in a nutshell.
10362672
But, but, using the character's name every (or even the majority of the) time just feels off to me ... excuse me as I go over there and beat my head against a tree in frustration. 
...yeah, that makes sense
And terrifying