Letters From A Disgruntled Friendship Student
by milesprower06
The Last Roundup
Dear Princess Celestia,
I would like to talk about a handicapped filly here in Ponyville. Her name is Derpy, and she's one of Ponyville's mailmares. She performs her job well enough, I have never had any of my non-royal mail delivered late. But there's just something...different about her.
I first noticed her along with everypony else at my welcome party. Her eyes were just a bit...off. She didn't say anything to me that night, not that I stayed downstairs for very long. After that, I saw her around and about, and didn't really have any direct interaction until she dropped a flowerpot, bale of hay, anvil, and piano on my head during my time of spying on Pinkie. I think that's when she was fired from the moving company and got a job delivering the mail. At least she's found something she's good at now.
But now, Rainbow's told me of a situation that happened this morning, and I just have a hard time believing it. In this town full of hicks and rednecks, I can't believe that Derpy was responsible for ALL the damage to town hall. Furthermore, on a day like that, how did Derpy get a hold of a storm cloud? It was a beautiful day out. Also, I'm surprised at the destructive capabilities of her ass. What's with the cutie mark, anyway? I admittedly do not understand the significance of the bubbles. Did she swallow laundry detergent? That...would actually explain a lot.
So this pony really hasn't done anything to deserve what I hear is coming. I've heard talks about getting together a pool fund to pay for corrective surgery on her eyes and vocal chords. How fucking insensitive can you get? That would change who she is, and above all, why? How do her eyes and voice affect anyone in the town?
What these stupid fucking degenerates are doing is essentially teaching their fillies that ponies who don't look or sound normal should hide these features or correct them. After all, why should we have to accept these ponies for who they are?
Oh, and Applejack went to some rodeo and didn't even win a single event. Kinda pathetic, if you ask me.
Your perfectly normal former student,
Twilight Sparkle
Dear Princess Celestia,
So what do you think, your Highness? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga?
Your loyal kumquat,
Pinkie 'Pickle Barrel' Pie
chimicherrychanga!
A wonderful balance of silliness and "let Derpy be Derpy."
Twilight's letter is pretty much the stance of bronies on the entire episode. Perfect. Pinkie's letter... Well, let's let ponemotes describe it.
I forgot that this episode was supposed to be about AJ, honestly.
In-deed.
Some other stuff happened but really, who remembers it?
DERPY!!!dl.dropbox.com/u/31471793/FiMFiction/emoticons/shrug_Derpy_Hooves.png
Remembers when this episode first came out?
[youtube=geTCP666Yf4]
1632396
"Real bronies", you mean. Remember, even some of our number were unnecessarily white-knighting along with the trolls and idiot parents who aren't even bronies.
The one AppleJack centered episode in so many and the only thing anyone remembers is the retard in the background.
Sensible, not asshole Twilight? Is she ill or something?
And pinkie is pinkie.
Applewho?
Dear Twilight Sparkle,
Those aren't bubbles on Derpy's rump. They're impact craters.
Sincerely,
Princess Celestia, writing from the Friendship Bunker, Canterlot Castle
the ending made this letter. Also lol at Pickle Barrel
1632446
I still say it's actually quantum foam and Derpy can traverse dimensional rifts. It would explain how she ends up in the oddest places.
This one's another gem. Good job.
Your loyal kumquat...
...
1632415
Good point. I still don't get why people raged about Derpy, yet Cheese from Foster's Home for Imaginary Friends was considered perfectly acceptable, despite his being the closest thing to a retarded cartoon character I have ever seen.
Pinkie endings are best endings twice in a row. Pinkie needs to find a way to end all the letters.
Yes! Pinkie Pickle Barrel Pie! New headcanon middle name get! Diane can go away.
Wait did
did Twilight just say something sensible?
And nice?
1632472
Pretty frickin' much. Derpy doesn't mean 'retarded', doesn't sound 'retarded', and didn't act 'retarded'. Even if she seemed it, so what, you know? Like the letter says, are we supposed to shove those who don't fit the "normal" criteria into a corner and ignore them? Hey kids, retards aren't in fashion this year, let's shun them until they're a socially acceptable topic again!
As a high-functioning autistic myself, I'm more-offended at the moral crusaders who said she was offensive to those suffering from autism and the 'challenged'. If she was challenged, then she's offensive because she is the way she was born? Good fucking job putting down the rest of us, guys.
Let's see, what do we have?
-Derpy overshadowing AJ
-Making fun of the whole Derpy eye/voice incident
-Chimicherry (or cherrichanga)
-Pinkie "Pickle Barrel" Pie the kumquat
This is one of the best episodes so far.
1632507
I happen to be autistic myself. Asperger's Syndrome, to be precise. I understand exactly what you mean. Hell, I edited a Wikipedia article that implied that Autism causes retardation, and left every single curse word I could think of to the idiots who thought that in the edit notes. I get pissed off by that sort of thing.
Nice. I've been waiting for this letter, and I am not disappointed.
I think this has actually been the nicest Twi been the whole time
I'm not sure if I should roll my eyes at the whole Derpy thing never, ever dying, or if I should be amused that you pretty much summed up the rest of the fandom's reactions.
This will be my face.
What did Applejack do in this episode again? Barely anyone knows because Derpy. Also, Twilight defending Derpy--even she can't be handle being mean to her. Even Twilight has her limits somehow.
Hmm... I'm convinced Twilight is scared of Derpy after having all that crap dropped on her. Her defence of Derpy is some sort of Stockholm Syndrome.
This coming from the Unicorn Supremacist. Totally out of character... for the out of character Twilight you've built. Out of out of character. Eh. Pinkie's letter was nice, though.
1632541 I was all for the voice change, but the rest was completely unnecessary. The Voice actor thought she was a dude for christs sake. They messed up royally or did that just to anger us. I don't care how stupid the voice sounds as long as it's cute. And it wasn't.
1632415
No
Just no.
If they watch the show, they are a brony.
Just because they see something differently to you, doesn't mane you can say they are a true fan.
If they watch the show, they are bronies.
End of story.
1632637 While I agree with this to an extent, then we need a title for those of us who were here for the first months of EqD, before everything got all politically correct and crap.
I believe there should be a degree of noticeable separation because I have met some Bronies who are serious dicks.
Yeah, I think the background story of Applejack going to a rodeo somewhere was a nice addition to Derpy's big moment.
Wonderful job, as always!
1632650
Every group has dicks in it.
But even if they are dicks at times, they are still fans of the show.
Hear, hear!
1632656 I know. We've gotten so big, it's begun to hamper us a little bit.
In the beginning we were all "love and tolerate" to the haters.
Now it's becoming more and more common for us to not to be able to love and tolerate each other.
1632637
What you just said is nothing different than what I just said. I stated my opinion, worded how I see it, and you tell me it can be NO other way than how you want it seen. Don't speak up if you're just going to be hypocritical about it.
In my view, a real brony's not going to consciously and purposefully do harm to the fandom. You'll have your band-wagon bronies who are just along for fad's sake who won't have that spirit of togetherness and at least basic attempts at unity - who are all too happy to try and impose their short-sighted will on everyone around them and hell, on the show itself apparently.
If you don't agree with that, you're welcome to disagree. You are NOT welcome to tell me I can't have my own unoffensive view that does no obvious harm to anyone and is not intended in a negative manner. If you disagree with -that- then kindly shove off and take your stick with you.
Just like the actual episode. All about Applejack and people only paid attention to Derpy.
1632676
But that's not what brony means.
It just means someone outside of the group they aimed it at (Little girls and boys)
I'm not saying there aren't dicks, I'm just saying you can't go around saying people aren't real bronies.
Because they kinda are.
1632664
I never agreed with the love and tolerating of the haters. When it was just people who were calling us gay every which way? That was fine... they were ignorant, still bound by societal phobias. Many of them joined us... some just needed to be enlightened.
The ones going around trying to destroy the works and accomplishments of our fellows, with their proxies for youtube video and tumblr blog takedowns and the like? No love or tolerance for them. Scum of the earth right there... see something they don't like that isn't hurting anyone, they can't just ignore it and move on - they have to see it torn down.
And yes, I'm not sure when things changed, or which wave of newbloods it began with, but unfortunately we've got bronies moving into specific camps. The self-styled "pures" and "everyone else" making up the largest division. Apparently doing anything outside of the social norm aside from watching the show lumps you into "everyone else" and labels you as weird or deviant. Whether you are or not. Further subdivisions from there... almost -all- of them based on intolerance.
People refuse to learn that no one is making them interact with people they don't want to, no one is making them download things they don't like, stare at pictures that they don't agree with, and read chapters of stories that offend them. Rather than simply ignoring and going on their way, they have to form their weak-minded little hate groups and be noisy, making life harder for other bronies.
It's like they forget we've still got to resist the rest of the world. Can't afford to turn on each other when your neighbor's not doing something that's -actually- wrong, y'know?
1632693
Then you can shove off and take your stick with you, as I said. You once again told me I can't have my view of things. You did not respectfully disagree, you did not create an intelligent discussion with an open forum of debate for understanding. A "lol woteva brah" would have actually been more suitable than "It's just not that way" when I never stated that was the technical definition, just that this is how I see things, and how I will continue to see things - as I do not require or seek your approval.
Good day, sir.
I DONT KNOW! I just...don't know
1632722
Urgh.
That not what I meant.
You are free to think they aren't good fans.
All I'm trying to say is, that you can't say they aren't really fans, when they fill the criteria of what a fan is.
If they act like dicks, then they aren't nice fans but they are still fans.
1632620
I liked the voice, myself. I can see how people got offended by it, but the new voice was crappy. Old voice is better, in my opinion.
1632769
What you meant to say was "I disagree with the labels as presented", in which case I agree with you. But since we don't particularly have more than just the "brony" label, we do need some way to differentiate between the fans who are dicks and run around causing problems for the rest of us, no matter what camp/group/division/sub-division you sit in... and those of us who just want to do our thing, not stir up trouble, and not be screwed with.
I, personally, tend not to think of the former as 'good fans', their negative and hurtful actions mark them as inferior to many of the good-natured people I've had the fortune of meeting and seeing who either want to be left alone, or help others. The term normally coined for the latter as I've seen it is "real fan/brony" in any context of any fandom.
Given our lack of overall titles, it's a bit difficult to come up with something more than that that makes sense and gets at least a basic point across to anyone who reads it, don't you think?
Great work. I really like how you focused on the important part of this episode and not that silly bit with AJ at the end that nobody cares about.
1632455 And it makes Derpy the smartest pony around, not that anyone else will understand a word of what she is talking about.
1632791
Well... could you just call them dick Bronies?
Because they are bronies, and they are been dicks.
The whole "not a real fan" thing seems so...elitist.
Sorry if I've caused any anger with this.
1632815
Because Dick Bronies conjures up vaguely disturbing images, and most of them actually prefer to be called something that should be demeaning anyway. Never seen so many people proud to call themselves assholes, bitches, and bastards. Absolutely ridiculous.
Ah well, point being that even if we're kind of stuck for labels, you get what all I meant. As long as my original and succeeding points were conveyed, all's well.
So what do you think, your Highness? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga? Chimicherry? Cherrychanga?
Your loyal kumquat,
Pinkie 'Pickle Barrel' Pie
Jesus Christ.
What if this Pinkie cloned herself?
KILL IT WITH FIRE
Personally, you could've done without Pinkie's letter.
(Also, glad to see Twilight sharing the opinions of EVERYONE ELSE concerning "Derpgate".)
I can't decide of Twilight's letter is best for logic and relevance, but if Pinkie's is best for ... obvious reasons.
that one was just good