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Shakespearicles
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Shakespearicles
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This doesn't look like it'll end well for Chrysalis...
*Your
Either change that period to a comma and un-capitalize the "The", or change "knocking" to "knocked".
Depending on how bad of a story teller you are Shining, this might actually be "literal torture". (rekt)
I'm like 95% sure that you mean *diffused
Just like the Joker in The Dark Knight. "Don't go for the head, the victim gets fuzzy and can't feel the next hit." Or, y'know, something like that.
-----------------------------------------------------
Everything below this line is extra edits from when I picked up reading again.
Y'know, I'd say that Shining is wrong twice here. He said "I don't like rules" and then started torturing Chrysalis. That's pretty monstrous, even if I don't like Chrysalis. Also, isn't Chrysalis, by definition, a monster?
Wouldn't that make him half as motivated?
Either *gonna or *going to, but not both. Also, I don't get it. ELI5?
This is one of the creepiest fics I've read in a while. I'm actually scared on Chrysalis' behalf. Well done dude!
Damn.
What inspired this?
For a second there I thought this story was an alternate universe where Chrysalis killed Shining Armor's family and that's the reason he's here for revenge since that's what happened in the movie.
Realizing this wasn't the case kind of took the punch out of it. Like thinking "well it could have been so much worse".
8098438 No... no, it won't.
8098458
The ending of To Where and Back Again, when Shining is standing there in the ruined hive, staring down Chrysalis while his wife cradled their infant daughter. Seriously, of all the ponies there, he and Cadance would have been the most justified to straight-up murderize her on the spot. But I thought, 'what if he held back to bide his time for a proper revenge?' And the thought wouldn't go away for the entire hiatus. And then I saw the episode again during the marathon. So I had to write it and get it out of my head. This is that thought's end result.
I don't expect it to be featured, or even have better than a 3:1 like:dislike ratio because of the theme. But I've never written a dark-fic before and I wanted to give it a try.
Yes. Torture is not for questioning or gather information. It is to quite literally enjoy the suffering made upon the victim. Torture is a form of art: so delicate, so deliciously satisfying, so perfectly made for the sole purpose of bringing many different kinds of pain without breaking the mind or taking the life of your victim.
This story brings good memories to me and has made me smile from ear to ear.
8098505
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Hmmmmmm... I've seen the movie this is based/somewhat named after... it was interesting to read this.
Now I keep thinking "What would happen if the princesses found out about what he is doing to chrysalis.......and well what happened to Tierk as well"
That thought would be perfect for a sequel. Maybe they see that Shining went a lot over his head on this torture plan of his
Alright, 2 tips.
1: When typing a character screaming in pain, don't actually spell out their scream. Describe it with narration.
2: Don't use caps. Bold and Italicize.
Other than that, I quite liked it. It was... genuinely brutal. You've earned a like from me, that's for sure.
8098438
I would agree. But I doubt Shining is thinking that way in this case.
You're thinking quarter-assed.
Quadruple-assed is 4x whole-assed.
That's eight times the ass!
8098772
You are so right, I think that I might need a proofreader for my comments.
that's a lot of ass...
8098532
8098552
Just to clarify myself, I have never "become artistical" with an innocent person. To me, aside form being a true and rather beautiful form of art it is an instrument of punishment aimed to those that only cause pain and agony.
8099026 Oh there was no judging
8099043 I know. But I re-read my first comment and realized I didn't point out that little detail.
8099094 Ah, I gotcha
8098772
And you can never have too much ass!
Not bad, but I would like to note that adrenaline does trigger natural painkiller effects.
Im somewhat conflicted. I realy want to give it a thumbs up, but somehow this torture thing makes me hesitate.
Dunno, and boy^^ That would realy make a good plot for some of the coming seasons(assuming they dont cancel it), that some of the purely good characters like Shining are pushed into darkness.
Ohh well, have my like
an mlp version of "Law Abiding Citizen"?
8099331
The torture was never meant to be the central role in the story. Originally, I was just going to have Shining verbally describe everything he was going to do to her, without actually doing any of it until it was implied to take place after the end of the chapter. But I wanted the reader to have no doubt in their mind that he was absolutely not bluffing.
The central narrative of the story was meant for him to describe his calculated descent into darkness. He wasn't angry. He didn't just beat her to death in a fit of rage. He wasn't even hateful anymore. Or rather, he had gone so far off the emotional spectrum that what he felt really couldn't even be registered as a 'feeling'. It turned into a cold, calm drive, for a law-abiding pony to dedicate years of time and effort to a single event of calculated revenge.
And I find that idea infinitely more terrifying.
I wonder though, would this finally give him peace? Would he be able to go back to his old life after this? Could he? Or would he never be able to look at himself in the mirror? Only if he regrets what he does. But something tells me that after she begs for death so many times, he will look back on finally killing her as doing her a favor. When her eyes go dead, the hell he sends her to will seem like heaven after what he's done to her.
In his mind, killing her at that point would be an act of mercy. A kindness. Because he's the hero.
Hé͚͓̞̘͔'̼͇̞̪̥s̢̬͉̦͓̼͖͎ ̛͚̫t͖͕͓̻̲he̢̙̤̯̙ ̦̬̀g̝̙̼̺̳o̺o̢̥͎̖ͅd͔̹̖̩͔͔̀ͅ ͇͙̞̭g͖̘͖̘̖͉͠u̢̯̹̼̬͓͓y̘̜̰̮͟.̯̣͘
8099485 Yea i guess thats why this story made me uneasy.
I mean, there was some torture, but there was the promise for far more
and the "descent into darkness" made it all more meaningfull, since it was not jsut "hey, now im gona torture crysalis, thats fun timesink"
but many events leading up to it, and all the preparations. Ohh well^^
Beautiful. Nothing pleases me more than when a murderer and rapist experiences the worst form of torture for their crimes agianst the innocent. I commend you for this piece of art. *tips hat*
Absolutely excellent.
The true terror of this fiction came not from the actions, the descriptions of future events, or even the promises of the true torture yet to come, but in the dialogue of a character, a stallion, a man, a father, pushed to the extreme. Beyond reason, beyond and doubt in his life, this Shining Armor was going to succeed, and hearing their mostly one sided dialogue of half explanation, half justification is what truly brought home the sickening sweet terror that was slow boiling from the start.
I re-state; Absolutely excellent.
When Shining mentioned that he spent a year in cosmetology school I kinda stopped taking the 'dark' aspect of the story seriously. That is not necessarily a bad thing—depending on what kind of tone you want. I don't mind reading a more casual dark fic, but if you wanted this to be grim and edgy it kinda fell flat. He became a specialized surgeon? That's not exactly something you can become whilly-nilly.
Also, people who take a sadistic pleasure in watching criminals get tortured worry me almost as much as the actual criminals themselves.
Seriously though, he spent a year in cosmetology school? Because filing hooves is probably only a small part of such a course. Now I see in front of me Shining sitting and learning how to apply eyeliners and reading Vogue to find the latest news about lipsticks and shampoos.
(It does explain why he looks so fabulous in the cover-art)
8099437
seems to me more like a mix of Law Abiding Citizen and Khan Noonien Singh (the good one) from Star trek Wrath of Khan
8101955 while
[youtube=wRnSnfiUI54]
I think the guy from the citizen movie had more cruelty with the opening kill of Darby
8101543
I wasn't writing it to be edgy for its own sake. The problem is that you're looking at the idea through a sane filter. You have to put yourself in the head-space of the Shining Armor in this story.
He went to cosmetology school for a year. And yeah, he learned a lot more than just how to file hooves. He learned how to do eyeliner, and lipstick and the right shades of foundation and the works! I'm sure he made a lot of new, and great friends there while doing it. And Cadance enjoys the makeovers. But he did all of that because he wanted to know the right way to file a hoof. And the exact wrong way to do it too. There's a comedic element to it, certainly. But a dark comedy for sure.
You have to imagine a Shining Armor, with a quiet seed of crazy, silently doing all of that, just to use it one day to torture the queen to death. The same with Medical school.
It absolutely was not something he did 'willy-nilly'. The entire emphasis on the kind of half-assed pony he was before her, and the actually crazy lengths he went to with tremendous effort as a result, was the entire point of the dialogue. It is not something a normal, sane pony would do.
8101248
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Bugmom did nothing wrong
Nice. I don't usually read or like Dark fics, but this one was just the right amount of pain, suffering, and horror.
Also I don't have any sympathy with Chrysalis so that never got in the way like it does when I read other Dark fics.
8102332 Personally, I really like Chryssi, too. I've seen her done very well as a likable character in various ships, including, most obviously, Flufflepuff.
In the early planning stages, Tirek was another candidate. But I needed a villain that was canonically evil, and a main good character that had been (conceivably) wronged enough (personally by them) to commit such a thing. After re-watching the season 6 finale, and knowing that she had taken Flurry Heart, along with the others, the choice was clear.
8102847
>But I needed a villain that was canonically evil,
what part of bugmom did nothing wrong did you miss?
8103556
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This fits well in between my imaginary "Catharsis" bookshelf and the other equally imaginary "let darkness give me joy" bookshelf.
Also I loved some of the lines in here, specifically near the end
This was quite funny, but so accurate!
And this just made me feel a phantom of a psychotic grin break out on my face
OOOO can I have her wings for my wall please? that would go so good with my décor.
this is not the normal story I see the man posting but I must say this is really good.
8111918 Not just a one-trick pony.
I like more gore in my gore fics.... Ended too soon in my taste. Still good fic
The Archer bit was 10/10. That was really great stuff, and if I didn't know better I'd say this whole story was just to use that quote.
8241594 What!? No.
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8241600
Is there a sequel to this I want to know what happen to chrysalis at the end I’m sure shining armor killed her
8615398 I intentionally left it to the reader's imagination.
8615429
Aw I see where your going yep I know what happen and possibly not going to say it before this story haunts anyone else I feel scared now
Awful.
Justice!
This was a fun trip.
Also, that Archer reference.
[Been in my to read list for too long now, finally got round to reading it.]
Oh, I enjoyed this!
That ending definitively left an evil smirk on my face.
A very tartarean end for Chrysalis. I like this take on reality, makes me wonder what everyone is capable of, if pushed. You indubitably got the dialogue of Shinning Amour, a stallion, a husband, a father, pushed to the extreme, just right. The fact you left the ending to my imagination is an excellent idea. I know some minds can thing up some really dark s**t, I've come across things much darker than I could imagine.
Just an overall brutal thriller of a well written story.
[I'm glad I got to reading this story, eventually. Sorry I took so long.]
10154663
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8101248
This. Definitely this. I swear I felt a shiver up my spine at the end. Shining is gonna do some awful things to her and enjoy it all the way.
If Chrysalis is lucky, she'll wake up in a cold sweat to find it was all a dream. But I'm not sure her luck is that good.