Light Flow was hit in the head with a brick.
Or at least that's what it felt like when consciousness unmercifully brought him crashing back into pain.
He moaned into the pillow he was lying face-first in. The cushion may have been soft, but it may as well have been made of rock for all the good it was doing his splitting headache.
It was a deep, throbbing pain. Pulsing throughout his body in time with his heartbeat. He had no idea why it was there, but he could at least take a few guesses.
He was still lying in his mother's bed, which was good. There was a large part of him that thought the letter had been some sort of wild dream his subconscious had cooked up to try and make him feel better.
Though, just because he was in his mother's bed didn't mean the letter was real.
He shifted his face just enough so that one eye was free from the dark confines of comfort. The first thing he saw was the burning morning light filtering through a nearby window. If he had been a different sort of villain, he would have hissed or maybe disintegrated or something.
Luckily, the only thing he was inclined to do was groan in pain as the light irritated his headache.
The vanity wasn't giving him any clues from where it was just sitting there against the wall, so he would have to get up to check the existence of the letter. There was just one problem.
He really didn't want to get up.
He couldn't really remember what happened last night, but the random dark stains on the bedsheets and pillows led him to believe he had cried himself to sleep. That, or he was developing some sort of complex.
It wasn't a big surprise to learn that he had cried so much. He felt weak and weary, probably a side-effect of the total emotional drain he had experienced yesterday. He had been trying to pretend he wasn't feeling anything for a while, but it became pretty obvious he was lying to himself.
So finally having a chance to metaphorically lay it all out on the table had been really cleansing. Aside from the headache, he felt better than he had in days. He was lucid enough now to recognize the serious mental deterioration he had been undergoing, and he wondered how he hadn't seen it sooner.
He remembered the screaming in his head, the voices overlapping and meshing together. How they were all telling him to forget the consequences, and just take what he wanted. The horrible sight of a stolen soul in his bloodied hooves. He had been so close to making that vision a reality.
He was just going to accept the fact that he wasn't perfect, he supposed.
He shut his one free eye and made a noise not unsimilar to a dying animal as he stretched his back hooves out behind him. The strange popping noises his joints made probably weren't a good thing, but he could deal with his potential body problems at a later time.
He reluctantly gathered his hooves under him and forced himself up. His legs shook as they fought to support his own weight, and he squinted at the shining beams of light as they seemed to actively take up some sort of cause against him. Eventually, his eyes became accustomed to the light, and he could keep him eyes open without wincing.
He looked down at the bed beneath him, and went right back to wincing as he saw how dirty the sheets were. Bits of dirt and other unidentifiable stuff had stuck themselves to the sheets, and he could only wonder at how dirty he must be.
He was going to have to take a shower. And get a new cloak at some point, since his was obviously thoroughly ruined.
'Rarity is gonna kill me.'
He was going to try and put that particular errand off for as long as possible, and not just because of the potential physical danger. There were just a lot more important things he needed to be doing.
For instance, he needed to make sure that letter was real.
He reluctantly hopped off the bed, instantly beginning to miss the soft mattress under his hooves. He trudged over to the nearby vanity, and opened up the drawer that supposedly held the letter.
It was still there, good.
He just stared at it for a moment, feeling a a small smile worm its way across his face. Even now, his mother was still helping him. She had really saved him from himself yesterday.
He closed his eyes, and the horrible memories of red hooves and dancing lights were washed away. His head was filled with the soft sounds of love and acceptance, and the sweet smell of cinnamon. He felt warmth suffuse itself throughout his body, and his headache seemed to lessen a bit.
He opened his teary eyes, and closed the drawer.
"Thank you." he whispered softly.
He turned away from the vanity, and towards the door.
Forward. Into life.
He stepped out into the hallway and closed the door behind him. He took a moment to trot over to his room, slipping his cloak off as he did so. He opened the door slightly ajar and tossed the dirty garment inside, before closing it.
He turned his attention to the bathroom door. First on the agenda was cleaning himself.
He trotted into the bathroom, and turned on the light. He was momentarily blinded by the light bouncing off the white tile, but his eyes quickly adjusted.
The bathroom was the same as ever. Just an ordinary bathroom, with a sink, a toilet, and a tub. Nothing special or emotionally devastating to be seen.
It was refreshing.
He stepped into the tub, and turned the cold water knob.
Freezing cold water cascaded down from the overhead nozzle, and he smiled into the stream as it quickly matted his fur. Most ponies liked hot showers, but he had trained himself to enjoy colder water when he was a child. It was one of those things he had thought real villains would enjoy, so he had spent every shower possible acclimating himself to colder and colder temperatures.
He had done a lot of things like that as a kid. Though he technically was still a kid. Now that he thought about it, there were probably lots of weird things he did now that he would regret when he was older.
Like spending three days in a forest.
He swore he could feel the accumulated grime wash away under the force of the much-needed cleaning.
His short mane stuck itself onto his face, and he ran a hoof through the wet stands, feeling them cling together messily. He knew at this point that it was unlikely to ever grow past this length. His childhood dream of a long swishy mane was officially dead.
The cold water ran down his back, over his cutie mark, and pooled on his red and brown tail. What a journey it was, descending the metaphorical mountain.
He looked down, and scrunched his face up in disgust at the sight of the brown water flowing into the drain.
He really had been dirty.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
After his shower and subsequent drying, he had just spent some time loitering in his own living room. Trying to recall everything he possibly could about the room.
Anything that had happened here, no matter how small, he wanted to remember.
At the moment, he was sitting on the familiar lumpy couch trying to remember every story his mother had ever told him.
Soft whispers of fantasy creatures and far-off lands filled his ears, and he closed his eyes to hear them better.
..Here's one about Abyssinia...
...Kingdom of Cats and endless summers...
...Wonderful place....
..Hear they have this festival called...
'Knock Knock Knock'
Light Flow frowned. He didn't remember that in the story.
He opened his eyes and turned his head to the source of the intrusive sound.
There seemed to be somepony at the door, though he had no idea who would be coming to see him. Well-wishers, perhaps?
"You in there, sugarcube?"
Oh. Well he supposed that answered that.
His annoyed expression grew melancholy, and he briefly considered hiding somewhere. He wasn't especially sure he wanted to see Applejack right now. An emotional reconciliation would kind of ruin the bittersweet mood he had going.
But another insistent knocking at the door pushed the thought from his mind. He needed to see her, so now was as good a time as any.
He had to apologize. He had promised.
He stood up from the couch, and made his way over to the door.
He stared at the wooden surface for a moment, trying desperately to collect his thoughts.
So he would start with an apology, alright. He would say he was sorry that he had tried to get rid of her, but would that be enough? Maybe he should buy her a present or something. What did she like? She liked apples, but that was a given. He was pretty sure he had once seen her checking out poetry books though, so he would get her a book of poetry. But that would come later, so what would he do now? Well, he could give her a nice long explanation, but what would that entail? 'Hey, so I almost went insane. Forgive me?' That was dumb, he should be less concise. Speaking of verbosity, what was he doing just standing around thinking? Maybe he was crazy.
'Knock Knock Knock'
"Are you there, Light Flow?"
He took a deep breath. He was keeping her waiting, and his mother always said that was a big thing to avoid.
He grasped the doorknob in his magic grip, and heard a small gasp from the other side of the door.
Well, she knew he was here now, so no turning back. No matter how much the feeling in his stomach was making him want to throw up.
He swung the door open, and immediately saw an orange hoof.
Attached to the hoof was one flustered looking Applejack who had been in the process of knocking again. She quickly lowered her hoof and rested it against her other one in a very familiar nervous pose.
He flicked his eyes up to her head, where she was wearing a hat that was still a little too big for her. She had been saying for a while now that It would fit right 'any day now', but he never saw any difference.
He lowered his eyes to a very distressed orange face. She didn't look very good, and that was saying something coming from him.
She didn't look as if she was brushing her coat, and the fur on her face was ruffled and sticking up. Like she had laid her face against something for hours, and then didn't look in a mirror.
Her mane was also sort of crumply, and it wasn't set into her ponytail very well. Little strands of blonde hair stuck out from the band, which was itself also sort of loose.
Her eyes were baggy and slightly red, and he guessed she hadn't been getting a lot of sleep. He could only wonder why. After all, his problems didn't really affect Applejack that much, so why would she be losing sleep?
His words hadn't effected her that much, had they? Actually, what had he said to her? He couldn't quite remember, there were just hazy memories of sadness and mania.
He knew he had said something bad to her, at least.
He realized he was staring, which was something he knew he did a lot, but usually somepony stopped him. But Applejack was sort of just letting him stare at her. Of course, she was similarly staring at him with sad, vacant green eyes, so he had to wonder if she was spacing out like he usually did.
Maybe he was the one influencing her?
That would be a bad thing.
He would have to be the one to speak first. Not a common occurrence, but also not the weirdest thing that had happened recently.
"Applejack?"
She started at the sound of her name. Her eyes went wide, and she stuttered ineffectually for a moment before finding a word.
"Y-Yeah?"
He blinked at her dazed reply, before frowning. He couldn't recall anytime she had been like this. Even at her worst, Applejack always had something to say. It didn't matter what the topic was, or where the conversation was going, she would at least interject with something.
So it was his fault. She must've been scared of him or something. He would have to ask her what he had said to her during that strange missing part of his memory.
Enough stalling, it was time for him to apologize. Then he could get on with re-establishing their friendship.
He licked his lips, and opened his mouth.
"I'm sorry."
"I'm sorry!"
Two pairs of eyes blinked owlishly at each other.
They had just apologized at the same time.
"What are you sorry for?"
"What are you sorry for?"
He groaned out loud. He couldn't believe this was happening to him. He reached up to place a hoof on Applejacks lips, intent on stopping this before it got ridiculous.
"I'm sorry, but I'm stopping this now. I refuse to be a part of such a dumb cliché. Tell me why you're sorry."
Applejack nodded behind his hoof, and he took it away. She immediately began speaking, her voice colored with obvious regret.
"B-Because of what I said to y'all! I'm so sorry sugarcube, I didn't mean it! I don't know what came over me! I was actin' nuttier than a squirrel in an apple tree!"
Okay, he could have gone without without of her bad countryisms, but he was pretty sure he understood. She was upset because she hung out with him out of pity? That was one of the few things he remembered, and it wasn't what he imagined was the cause of her distress.
"Um... Okay... If you don't mind me asking, why are you upset about it?"
Applejack seemed taken aback by his blunt response. She stuttered for a moment, before replying in a much more lively voice.
"Wha- What d'you mean why? Because it was a horrible thing to say, that's why!" Her face had taken on a hard edge during the sentence, and she had shouted the last part.
He couldn't even kind of understand why she was getting angry. Wasn't she supposed to be apologizing?
"Okay, well. You know I'm not upset about it, right? I mean, It's not like I didn't already know that. I don't even know why I asked in the first place anyway."
Seriously, why else would she have stuck around all this time? He wasn't exactly a good friend. Sure, hearing it from her own lips had kinda hurt at the time, but he wasn't angry about it. It didn't even change anything.
Nothing at all.
Applejack seemed to metaphorically deflate at his nonplussed reaction to her confession. Her aggravated expression slowly turned into one of defeat, and she sighed. She closed her eyes as she spoke again, almost like she didn't want to look at him.
"Sugarcube, I- I don't even know what to say to that.."
She opened her eyes, and turned them back up to him. He was taken aback by the desperation there. It seemed she wasn't finished.
"But that's not the end of it! Y'all never let me finish what I was gonna say!"
Not the end..?
What else could there possibly be to say?
He saw something in the background, and unfocused his eyes from Applejack so he could see better. It seemed they were an interesting spectacle, because he could have sworn he had just seen somepony duck into his neighbor's bushes.
He frowned at the offending foliage over Applejack's shoulder, and she turned around to see what he was looking at. When she found nothing, she turned back to him with a question in her eyes.
He kept his eyes on the bush as he answered her unasked question.
"We should continue this inside, Applejack. It'll.. uh... be more comfortable that way."
He was almost certain Applejack didn't believe that, but she accepted easily enough anyway.
"Alright sugarcube... If'n you say so."
He pressed himself to the side so that Applejack could squeeze by him. He didn't know why, but he had a really bad feeling about that bush. He didn't want to take his eyes off it for as long as possible.
Once Applejack was inside, he squinted his eyes at the bush one more time before shutting the door in front of him.
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
It was ten minutes later when a cream-colored mare stepped out of the bushes across from Light's house.
She frowned to herself, and quickly trotted away.
Her face had turned outwardly pleasant, but her mind was a whirlwind.
"That was bad, I was almost seen. I must be losing my touch just sitting around in this town. As nice as it's been."
"I don't think my cover's been blown, but I should probably lay low for a while, just in case."
"Her Highness isn't going to be happy....."
----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Light stared at Applejack from his spot on the couch next to her.
She had been hemming and hawing for a bit now, and it was very clear that whatever she was trying to say was hard for her.
He, in all his infinite patience, had been content to just sit and watch her try and gather herself. Specifically, he was taking some time to try and recognize some of the things he had read about souls.
Nothing he had read did anything to explain the strange blot at the center of her soul, but he could see other things. Things like a little periodic flash at a very specific place. It was near the corner, just below a seemingly random whirling of color he couldn't identify. He was pretty sure that was the area of the soul that governed feelings, but he wasn't one hundred percent.
The book hadn't said anything about it, but he figured that with a sharp eye and a wise mind, a skilled Necromancer may be able to read the way a pony was feeling.
He could make a pretty good guess at how Applejack was feeling, so the way it was moving was probably a good benchmark for nervousness. He would have to remember it, or write it down or something. Would Applejack mind if he went and got a notebook? She probably would.
He flicked his eyes back up to Applejack's face just as she breathed in to speak. He was startled by ponies so often, he had begun to develop a certain sixth sense for when he should probably focus back into reality. Just a little extra awareness of deep breaths, or subtle twitches.
A useful skill, though it's unlikely anypony besides him would ever have need for something so mundane.
"Um... Well.... Like I said, sugarcube. I... I never got to finish what I was gonna say... on that day..."
Ah yes. Two days after the funeral. After he had run off to hide in the woods...
He still didn't like thinking about it.
"When... When I said that awful thing to you, I... I should have followed it up with the rest of the truth."
"When I met y'all... I admit, I was hangin' around you 'cause I felt bad for you."
He really wasn't seeing why Applejack was so keen on repeating the same thing over and over again.
"But that changed!"
....?
"At first... I thought you were really weird and creepy. And you still kinda are, sugarcube. But I've gotten to know y'all so much better since then!"
Applejack stood up from the couch suddenly. She turned to stare at him with fire in her eyes, and any hesitation she had before seemed to melt away.
"Sure, you can be really distant, and strange, and even a little mean sometimes; but I know there's somethin' else underneath all that!"
"You're.. you're really funny! Even if it's a really weird kind'a funny.. Sometimes, I have 'ta bite my lip to stop myself from laughin' at some new odd thing you've said!"
"And you're so smart too, sometimes I don't understand half'a the things that come outta your mouth! Honestly sugarcube, sometimes I can't believe it's you who would hang out with me!"
"And you're so kind, underneath all that bravado. I know how much you care about stuff, even when you act like you don't! I've seen how you hide yourself, and I hate it!"
"Cause.... Cause you're my best friend!"
A heavy silence fell over the room in the wake of Applejack's declaration.
Light was having a hard time processing all of the things she had just said to him. It felt like there was a skipping record in his head. Screeching and scratching as it played snippets of phrases over and over again.
...Funny... Kind.... Smart... Best Friend... Funny... Kind.... Smart... Best Friend... Funny... Kind.... Smart... Best Friend...
Best Friend... Best Friend... Best Friend... Best Friend... Best Friend...
"Best Friend..?"
Applejack was his best friend?
"Y-Yeah, sugarcube... I'm sorry I never told you... I've never had a friend like you, ever."
Huh? Had he said something out loud?
Did he say something out loud?! What did he say?! What in Tartarus did he say?! It could have been anything, and he had barely heard what Applejack said, so he couldn't infer!
His thoughts were so unorganized, he could have said anything!
Okay, don't panic. He could just look at Applejack's face for clues.
....
Okay, 'nervous anticipation' didn't help!
Oh no. Now she was beginning to look disappointed. What did he do in a situation like this?! She was starting to look like she was going to cry! Wasn't she supposed to only cry on the inside?! Why had nopony prepared him for this?!
"I-I'm sorry, s-sugarcube.. I s-shouldn't have bogged you down with s-somethin' like this so soon after... I'm sorry. M-Maybe I should just..."
She was edging towards the door. She was going to leave! He had to do something!
He quickly stood up from the couch, and Applejack watched him warily with wet eyes.
His mind still wasn't coming up with any actual words besides 'what', so he was going to have to improvise.
"Sugarcube, I'm sorry, but-"
He heard her gasp out, and he closed his eyes.
It's weird that a hug had been his first instinct.
He nuzzled his face into the soft fur of Applejack's shoulder, and he felt the way she was shaking slightly. It was only a moment before he felt two hooves close themselves around his back, and a face make itself similarly comfortable.
He had only ever hugged Applejack once, and he wasn't even the one to initiate back then. He didn't think he had ever directly hugged anyone besides his parents before.
It was nice. She was warm, and soft. And he could feel her heartbeat in her chest, unsteady as it was.
He felt so... safe. Safe and secure in another pony's comforting grip. So warm, and so alive.
He shifted his face into her mane, and took a deep breath.
She smelled like apples, predictably. He was going to have to start buying more from now on, he supposed.
After all, what kind of a best friend didn't support another's business?
"You're mine too, Applejack."
He felt her begin to shake harder in his hooves. He didn't know why, though.
It was obvious, really.
10770220
Thanks so much!
10770254
I'm glad you liked it!
I tried my absolute best to make it hard-hitting, and people have been telling me that it worked! Which makes me super happy!
Probably a weird thing to say about making people sad, but who cares!
10770329
Well, it sure is when you're nine.
Hoooraaaay for best friendship!! Huraaaah!!!
I didn't think it was possible but my emotions have been healed from last chapter and now my heart has melted
10771133
I CONTROL THE EMOTIONS!
FEAR MY WRITING PROWESS!
Also, thanks for the comment!
Huh, started reading this not expecting much. Beginning was a bit rough and strangely paced but chapter by chapter it began to settle into a groove. I'm really loving this, there's a surprising range of emotion and you seem to go out of you way to pick the less traveled road with story beats. Definitely worth the like and favorite. Just promise me you won't be another promising author that disappears and leave a half finished story in my favorites, lol.
10771171
16 Chapters later:
It's official, JinxTJL is an anime protagonist
10771253
You have no idea how much that means to me!
I started this story expecting maybe a hundred or so people to read it. But the amount of attention and positive feedback has been absolutely incredible! It's possible that I might've considered giving up by now, but at this point, with this much support, I'm in it for the long haul! Thank you!
Speaking of starting out, the beginning is quite rough. I've been rationalizing the difference in writing quality as a difference in the way Light sees the world, since back then he was only nine. But it's really just a matter of it not being very good. It's strange how much I've improved over the course of just about ten days.
It's not even that I've become that much better actually, I've just found a cadence. Writing's all about how you read it, and the way the earlier chapters are read is quite sub-par. There were certain ticks that Light had that I sort of accidently phased out; and there's an entire plot thread I just completely dropped.
I've been really considering re-writing the first three or so chapters.
10771604
I absolutely love the compliments and the praise, but I think yours may be in the running for my favorite comment.
I'm assuming this story is prewritten? If so, then I wouldn't have to toss this to the back of the queue while waiting for updates.
10773071
Unfortunately, this story is not prewritten. I publish chapters almost as soon as I write them, which actually might be a bad idea, but that's how I do it anyway.
10773598
Yeesh, you write so much it looks prewritten
Just don't burn yourself out, I'd rather no see this story end
10773677
Yeah, I pretty much did nothing but write for 11 days.
That's why I'm taking this weekend to let my creativity recharge. I admittedly did kind of burn myself out, but it shouldn't be long before I feel better again.
Don't worry! I won't let this story die, no matter how long it goes on! Light Flow will see an ending to his adventures!
10774057
Hey thanks for pointing that out! You're a hero!
I’m kind of living for when we see him meet Rainbow.
This was a pretty spectacular chaser to the last few really heart rending chapters. Though...
Mmm... my inner shipper is saddened. Oh well. Well see.
10775264
Screw THAT, I'm Shipping them all the harder now!
10775264
10775354
Yes. Fight for my amusement.
The shipping wars will last forever, and none shall be spared.
also thanks so much for the comments i giggled out loud reading them10775501
Who will win the Light bowl?
The childhood friend? The classy fashion designer?
No other candidates, because light doesnt really have that many friends. Hop to it necromancer.
This was beautiful.
You’re hitting me right in the feels man. THE FEELS!
I’ll admit the first chapters had me a bit iffy if this was a story I wanted to read to the end, but you’ve developed your own sort of writing now and you’ve hooked me man! You’ve hooked me! Keep it up!
10784728
Yeah, the first few chapters are pretty bad.
I've been thinking about going back and rewriting them, for obvious reasons. I feel like the sub-par writing might be scaring some people away.
thanks for the kind words btwYou had me so concerned for our little demon there for a second. Welcome back to the light, light flow
10784753
Not sub par for fim honestly. I’m not sure why this hasn’t gotten more traction because much worse stories get more buzz. I’m personally loving this so far. I think the description is what threw me off it when I first checked it out myself but the first chapter won me over. I’m no writing expert but you show more talent than I’ve come to expect.
Like each chapter is noticeable improvement
10804419
The description? Really?
If you don't mind my asking, what about the description was specifically off-putting?
Was it just the note about it being my first story, and my subsequent self-deprecating comments?
I know you said that while you were thinking about shipping them but decided not to due to potential outcry but I still hope you do it eventually... Atm I think the pace you are going with Light Flow and Applejack's relationship is really good (friendship, romantic or otherwise). I think the reason that people probably dislike romance so much is that it always feels rushed, like where the author starts pairing the ship when the characters know each other for only a few weeks, or even a year.
Light Flow and AJ on the other hand have been friends for years, and while it's clear that there's some bumps between the two the affinity they have for each other shown from the few moments we have seen makes it more believable and not forced. This part of the story in particular, I think it's very important that even before they start and romance they finally clear the step of 'Best Friend' first and then grow some more.
So yeah, while I do think that they totally should be shipped, I deffinately agree with the action of not putting that in this chapter... Maybe in a few more years after they continue to be BFF's then it might be worth taking into account of how romance may impact them. (I'd say a year or two after Twilight has arrived in Ponyville I think...)
Re-reading this it kinda seems like I'm arguing a little too hard for the romance part, but I just figured I'd give my two cents on how I've read about romance on this site over the years and how/why it doesn't work. Sorry if this makes you uncomfortable/asking the impossible.
You know, if he can see other ponies Souls I wonder how he would react from seeing his own? Like, if he looked into a mirror or something he could study a soul without actually bothering other ponies to an extent...
There's also the fact that if he can't see it if that might be a concern for him since he can't see the state of his own soul like ha can for others.
10806088
It wasn't really that I was afraid of the backlash, it was more that I was lukewarm on the idea itself. I feel pretty much the exact same way that you do about romance, and I knew that progressing their relationship too fast would be pretty ridiculous.
Love can just spontaneously happen, but relationships sure as hell don't. It's the kind of thing that needs to be worked up to over a long period of time, or else you'll end up with two people(ponies) in a situation where they just don't know their partner at all.
Light Flow and Applejack may have known each other since they were kids, but they were, and are, just friends. Maybe that could change someday, but who knows? well i know but i'm not telling
Basically, what I'm trying to say is you were completely right!
Also I'm adding an aside about your other comment. You're going in a wonderful direction, but if Light could see his soul in a reflection, don't you think he would've made that connection?
Another aside, I didn't realize I had rhymed until like thirty seconds after I wrote this.
I don't think he is fully capable or ready for love at this point, with any pony. In a lot of ways I think the protagonist is a little bit on the asperger's spectrum.
10828265
I completely agree, I see parts of myself (I’m also on the spectrum) in him that I can’t help but relate with.
He’s a terrible socialite, he has a very specific set of key interests and hyperfixations he never gets tired of, he has a hard time paying attention, and he doesn’t exactly think through what he’s saying. It makes a lot of sense that he would be on the spectrum to me.
10828265
aspergers is an outdated term, just use neurodivergent or adhd/autism
si, no, mierda, ahora me arrepiento bastante haber criticado de esa manera a la pobre AJ, realmente eres una amiga muy leal, y fue bueno que te hayas quedado
This scene made me tear up.
11171340
He has the Ass Burgers