Demons were once merely a myth. But now, they are all too real.
Scribe Twilight Sparkle is content with her position within The Order, simply documenting and cataloging various menial pieces of information. It's a life she couldn't imagine being any different.
However, when a veteran Demon Hunter arrives at Monastery Firelight, and she's at the wrong place at the wrong time, she's thrust into a new, terrifying and dangerous world. One that has always existed beneath the veil of her previous life.
Now, instead of shying away from the darkness, she must face it head-on.
Chapters (4)
This story's freaking awesome.
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We will definitely be reaching this point eventually.
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Prep your BFGs, boys.
Third person present perspective? Really... Really?
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Are you aware that a vast majority of stories are third person
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What’s wrong with third person? As a literary device it can help authors get information across that first or second person perspectives aren’t necessarily able to.
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You complain about it, yet your library "They struck a cord" has stories written in the same style...
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Third person present. Did y'all just blank that last, vital word out of existence while attempting to hit back at me? Cause if so, y'all got bigger problems than me.
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Like I stated to the other two before seeing this one. Third Person Present. That last word is vitally important to understand the message I'm imparting. Third person perspective is perfectly fine, and in fiction often times vitally necessary. However, The PPF tense is just as, if not more, important for story flow.
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Gotta be honest I did not see present. Guess I just skimmed over that.
Either way, what exactly is the problem with present tense? I personally find it stranger when the wording makes it sound like something already happened instead of in the process of happening.
Why would I want to put something like
"Twilight walked to the door"
instead of
"Twilight walks to the door."
Do you mean first hoof here or is it intentional?
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Meant hoof. Good catch.
This feels a little bland. Like, how does she know her leg is broken? I would write something like 'she tries to scurry away but falls over with terrible pain emanating from her leg' before she reached that conclusion. That way you show more and give the scene a little more tension.
What is to try to struggle here? Like she tried to get away faster, or did she try to somewhat fight? Describing her desperately trying to get away instead of just saying she struggled could up the tension in this scene.
Capitalization.
Why would that stop it from being a cult? I mean, it does sorta make sense with the explanation later about the difference, but right now it just seems kinda pointless. Scotaloo instantly agreeing with Pinkie right afterwards doesn't help, either.
To be fair with Yacci, Pinkie did kind of call her an ass some moments ago.
Funny chapter! It definitely feels like we are rushing a little bit over some things, like descriptions and the sort, but overall, it's still pretty solid.