The mysterious Table of Harmony has called on Starlight Glimmer to solve a friendship problem at Canterlot Castle, but wait! A second cutie mark belonging to a magically inclined alicorn has appeared, and unfortunately for Twilight, it’s not hers.
The day Twilight earns her cutie mark, something unexpected happens that no pony saw coming. Twilight undergoes a transformation due to an absurd amount of magic and literally becomes the spirit of magic.
Not long after Prince Dusk Shine and his number one assistant moved into their new home, Prince Solaris accidentally sent several letters in which he came to burn them before Dusk could read them. However, Spines was able to save a few.
The Great and Powerful Trixie has her eye on a place in Twilight's circle of friends at Celestia's School... and then suddenly discovers it may be her only chance to *stay* at the School...
Darkness can be in a heart and nopony will ever find out what the mare is truly about. So they cry over a mystery that can be solved until a clue arises and the heart is revealed. A mares heart can be as black as night and a cold as ice.
For about a month now I was going away from everything you taught me about friendship.
Has she been yelling at her friends? Mistreating Spike? Solving the table-given problems with violence? Has she killed somebody? I want to hear the juicy details of a crime so terrible that she believes lunar banishment to be a reasonable punishment.
I'll admit that I'm having some trouble parsing that first, monstrous paragraph. That could use some chopping up.
Brace yourself: here comes some negative criticism.
I'm certain that if this story had more attention, the like/dislike ratio would probably be evenly split. "Rushed" doesn't even begin to describe the terrible pacing. You don't even give yourself the chance to set up the conflict before it's resolved. You use a lot of "purple prose" (unnecessary excessive descriptors). I see a huge number of spelling and grammar mistakes. To top it all off, the plot just doesn't make any sense.
The only good thing I can think of to say about this is: "I've seen worse". I suggest you read through the official FiMFiction writing guide: https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
Please leave a dislike or a like, so I can hear your opinions!
This was a really, really good! It's really different from your usual stories!
6685568 Thankyou I'm glad to hear it!
i did a dramatic read of your fan fic
6688394 Whoa! Thanks! I never expected anything like this!
Has she been yelling at her friends? Mistreating Spike? Solving the table-given problems with violence? Has she killed somebody? I want to hear the juicy details of a crime so terrible that she believes lunar banishment to be a reasonable punishment.
I'll admit that I'm having some trouble parsing that first, monstrous paragraph. That could use some chopping up.
6835526 Actually that sounds like a good idea!
Brace yourself: here comes some negative criticism.
I'm certain that if this story had more attention, the like/dislike ratio would probably be evenly split. "Rushed" doesn't even begin to describe the terrible pacing. You don't even give yourself the chance to set up the conflict before it's resolved. You use a lot of "purple prose" (unnecessary excessive descriptors). I see a huge number of spelling and grammar mistakes. To top it all off, the plot just doesn't make any sense.
The only good thing I can think of to say about this is: "I've seen worse". I suggest you read through the official FiMFiction writing guide: https://www.fimfiction.net/writing-guide
6950201 Thanks for the criticism! Ths story is dead by the way but I'll take your word for future reference thanks!