(Takes place directly after the events of "Parental Glideance". Proofread by Smity1038 on Deviantart.)
Bow Hot Hoof and Windy Whistles may have finally patched things up with their daughter, but Rainbow Dash isn't the only Wonderbolt who has some grievances to address with them.
Spitfire, the young Wonderbolts captain, decides she needs to address a few concerns she has with Dash's parents and their excessive fanpoyism. Both at shows and at events.
But Bow and Windy will be quite surprised not just at Spitfire's words, but at her own experiences. After all, this isn't the first time the Wonderbolts have dealt with a family problem.
Now has a reading on YouTube by Midnight29, which can be seen here.
Chapters (1)
I don’t know if it’s because I love the episode as-is as much as I do (it IS my second favorite episode of the season, and third favorite of the series overall), or what, but out of all of the accusation fics you’ve done... THIS is the one I couldn’t finish.
I stopped reading around the part where Spitfire talked about her tail, and actually had to force myself to even get that far.
8217812 You really should read to the end, it’s not just about calling out Rainbow’s parents.
8217832
I probably will come back to this later on and read the rest of it.
When I do, I’ll post a comment saying what I thought on the parts that I didn’t read now.
I agree with the overall idea of the fic. This is one of the few cases in the series where I felt like both sides of the issue were in the wrong (Rainbow’s parents for their behavior, Rainbow herself for the way she went about addressing the problem), but was disappointed because the episode seemed to only take a single side and completely hand-waved the problems that the other side displayed. RD’s parents went well beyond the point of just being embarrassing. Even if we ignore that some of the things they did were legitimately dangerous (shooting off fireworks during an air show, for instance), the things they did still very well could have gotten Rainbow in serious trouble with her employer and coworkers. Never mind that when people are that loud and obnoxious, it can easily ruin an event for the other people around them. So I’m fully on board with a fic that addresses these problems, and you definitely did that here.
On the other hand, the fic does have some problems, and for the most part they’re the same problems that tend to put me off of a lot of accusation/fix fics. Most notably that there are times when it doesn’t feel like these characters are really having an interaction. It feels like the author is just going down a list of problems that they had with the characters’ actions by using one of the other characters as a mouthpiece to do so. And rather than making any sort of reasonable effort to defend their actions, the characters either get absurdly defensive and refuse to even consider the possibility that they did something even the slightest bit wrong, or they just kind of capitulate to the accusations and immediately start ripping on themselves for being such horrible ponies. In this case, it leans towards the latter.
Another thing that bugged me somewhat is that there could have been more done to establish that they’d been contacted beforehand. It just kind of starts with Spitfire pointing out that they know why they’re there, which gives the impression that someone has already addressed this problem with them. It seems doubtful that it was Dash saying it, because we already saw Dash’s way of handling things. We also saw her apology, followed by the parents continuing their behavior, which makes it seem as though they didn’t get the message and therefore probably don’t know why Spitfire called them there due to anything Rainbow did.
We do briefly hear that they received a fine for one of their actions, but the wording makes it seems as though they’re aware of all, or at least several, of the problems Spitfire will be bringing up. At the very least, that they’re aware it was their behavior in general rather than a single incident. It just makes it feel as though we missed a very important conversation that happened not long before this one where they were initially introduced to the idea that they were doing something wrong, but without the person brushing that idea aside by apologizing and then just going along with it (as Rainbow did).
That said, the particular context in this story helps negate a few of those problems to some degree. For instance, it’s a little easier to justify the almost list-like style that it starts to take at times because this is a military professional calling civilians into her office specifically to address what they did wrong, rather than a more casual setting or berating one of her subordinates. It also helps that the episode already addressed Rainbow’s problem while this focused on Spitfire, so it felt less like the story was just blatantly taking one side despite the show providing several reasonable positions, and more like it was just trying to fill in the hole that the episode left. This is as compared to something like Mysterious Mare-Do-Well or A Royal Canterlot Wedding accusation/fix fics, which in most of the cases I’ve seen tend to completely dismiss any valid points made by the side they disagree with in favor of making it a one-sided rant by the side they do agree with.
Final conclusion: The story had its share of problems, but it’s certainly not the worst accusation/fix fic out there by any stretch of the imagination. I think it could use a bit more cleaning to make the interactions feel more natural and set the situation up a little better, but there definitely wasn’t anything that just broke the story for me. Plus, as I mentioned above, it’s always nice to see accusation/fix fics that actually bother to make an effort at being sympathetic towards the side that’s receiving the brunt of the criticism. So...I think it could use some improvements, but a good job overall.
I agree with the criticism of the episodes. In some parts of this it laid it on a bit thick, but overall a short and sweet fic. My only big problem is the seemingly random breaks in between paragraphs. Those breaks are typically used between scenes and felt out of place here. I haven’t interacted with the site in terms of writing since the update, so maybe it’s something to do with that.
8218041
Seconded. It wasn’t a deal-breaker by any stretch, but I did have to readjust when I realized that the story had not transitioned to another location or to the end of a lengthy action suggested by the last thing before the break.
I don’t know if this was you not understanding what breaks are for or the site placing them weirdly without your say-so.
Yeah... I'm surprised Spitfire herself didn't step in during the actual episode with half the stunts Windy and Bow Hot Hoof (Yep, still cannot take that name seriously.) pulled. Not exactly shining examples of parenthood, they are.
Is that a little reference to the story we did together? Like a week ago I think.
8218548 Yes.
8219291
Someone should make a story like this one but have Rainbow Dash call out Scootaloo's parents for not caring for her as much they should.
8219346 I think there was something like that involving Scootaloo’s parents as deadbeats. Don’t remember the name of it though.
I liked it, but for some reason the dialogue felt a little off. It almost felt like Spitfire was reading off a checklist of points to make rather than speaking naturally. The transition lines threw me off too,
How bizarre, given their track record in said situations. And don't get me started on the Accusation fanfics where Rainbow Dash actually howled about their conduct.
8302318 If anything, that means they need to train even more than they already do, which makes a noise free environment all the more important.
Excellent work on this. Somepony really need to call out Dash's parents on this.
8526102 Since this, apparently:
Okay, I would like to say that I am so glad that this story was written involving Hot Hoof and Windy’s actions at the Wonderbolt Force. Somepony really needed to call them out on what they were doing, and of all ponies, Spitfire was the perfect one to do it, especially since she’s the captain. She pointed out everything that could’ve happened with their over the top cheering and fireworks launches (seriously, those could've hurt one of the Bolts of even Dash), along with their little invasion in the locker room, and all of them are one hundred percent justified. While Rainbow Dash could’ve been more gentler in calling her parents out, I’m not all that surprised that she blew up at them like that. Nor I do hold it against her. If my parents were doing that, I’d be pretty upset too, especially if I told them repeatedly to stop
. You have done an amazing job my friend in pointing out the things that were not addressed in that episode, and I’m glad somepony did it
. Although, I still found that part with Rainbow cutting off Spitfire’s tail pretty funny
!
If there’s one thing that this reading and that episode have taught me, it’s this: one can only be pushed stop far before they finally snap. Two, there is such a thing as too supportive. Just like there is a thing such as too lenient and too strict. In this case Rainbow’s parents were indeed being way too supportive
.
Her nickname could be "Spew Failure" (she spun out of control, got airsick and had to make an emergency landing to throw up).
8941971 Doesn't roll off the tongue that well.
8941981
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Another could be "Splat Failer" instead. Just a idea
Those page break lines really shouldn't be there, those are supposed to separate events that occur in the same chapter, here they're just peppered throughout one conversation, each time I see one it brings the whole story to a screeching halt.
8945936
Yep. Immersion brakes.