The Journal
Diary of a Time-Looper
Day 32
Test #28
Day 33
Success at long last! Using a combination of spells I've managed to create a sort of pocket dimension that exists outside of time, allowing this journal to remain intact even as the rest of the world resets.
Oh, right, I suppose this is technically the first entry, so I'll explain the situation.
My name is Twilight Sparkle, and for the last 33 days I've been stuck in a time-loop, repeating the 23rd of March, 2 A.R. It is still unknown how the loop started, nor how I can end it. All I can say with any amount of certainty is that time for the rest of the world resets every night, and every morning I wake up it is the morning of the 23rd. Various tests have concluded the following: Of all the ponies I've spoken to, I am the only one who can remember the previous loop. It is impossible for me to remain awake past midnight; as soon as the moon reaches its zenith I pass out, and no amount of magic can stop this. No matter where I am when I fall asleep, I always wake up back in my bed at precisely 7:23 AM. With the exception of this journal, nothing I do has any effect on the following loop. This includes changes to my own body such as a cut mane or tail.
The day plays out exactly the same every time, the only differences being caused by my own actions within any given loop (Spike always makes the same breakfast, says the same things, etc.).
It took me only a few days to begin working on a method of preserving an item from one loop to the next, and this breakthrough leads me to believe a way out of this loop is possible. I've spoken to both Celestia and Luna about the problem in separate loops and, once I convinced them I was serious, they merely said they had never heard of such a thing, and wished me luck. Some part of me thinks they didn't believe me, but it is still true; there has never been another recorded incident of a time looper. At least, none survived to tell of it.
Oh, but where's my head? Hopefully this journal will help me keep my thoughts straight while I work on a solution. I've attempted to escape the loop multiple times by using various time-altering spells, all of which have failed. It's almost like I'm in a locked box of time, and the spells thus far have failed to bring me outside of the day I'm trapped in. Or, perhaps, I have travelled in my own time stream, in which case I'd have been stuck for multiple years based on how far I've tried to travel into the future. The spells are, of course, temporary, but it's hard to tell how far I've travelled – if at all – due to the loop. If there is a way out, it is unlikely that a time spell alone is the answer.
Tests have also confirmed that I myself do not age while in the loop; cells in my body that died throughout the day are back again the next morning. This leads me to believe that, should I myself die, I'd wake up again the next morning. However, such a test is not one I'm willing to perform.
I will continue working on a way out for the rest of the day; the success of this journal has filled me with a new hope, and I'm ready to tackle the next step.
Day 34
Tests continue to fail at every turn. Nothing but this journal and my own mind remains constant after a reset. I wonder, now, how my memory remains intact. It took an intricate web of spells to keep this journal alive, and should I ever forget to cast them at the end of the day all that these pages contain would be lost. Unless, perhaps, I'd find the journal as it was at the beginning of the last loop, rather than the beginning of the loop entirely. I'll have to test the theory on something less valuable.
But I've gotten sidetracked. Somehow my memory remains while everything else in the world resets, without a single spell. The thought that this is all in my head, that I'm the one going crazy, has occurred to me numerous times. However, the success of this journal seems to rule that possibility out.
Now though, I have a new experiment to design. If the loop repeats the previous loop, rather than the original day, it could mean that the way out of this is much simpler than I originally thought.
Day 37
Unfortunately, I am met with yet another failure. After keeping a small notebook with a few short notes on it in the same spell as the journal for 2 loops, then letting it be reset, I found that the loop is indeed of the original day, and not the previous loop. This is hardly a set back, however; it merely proves my original hypothesis correct. My hope has yet to dwindle, and this journal still binds my mind to reality; this loop is not all-encompassing. Perhaps, if I were to cast similar spells on myself, I'd exist outside the loop and, thus, be able to escape it.
However, the effects of being outside of time itself on a living organism are, as of yet, unknown. There are many more experiments and tests to be run.
Day 42
Various tests of living, organic matter (Grass, apples, and even a young sapling) being stored outside of time during a reset have all been inconclusive. The grass, when retrieved, had reverted back to mere seeds, while the apples had rotted to dust. The sapling, however, disappeared. My current hypothesis is that the more complex the life, the harder it is for it to survive outside of time. Although the sapling baffles me; I'd expected to find seeds, or perhaps a dead and withering tree. When I opened the pocket dimension, there was nothing but my journal. After running a few tests, I've confirmed that, while outside of time, the journal itself does not physically age. It seems the journal has become somewhat of a universal constant. I'm sure the secret to freedom lies somewhere in the spells used to keep this book safe. I'm sure of it.
Day 43
I lost an entire day of research to my friends. I love them, and miss them dearly, so I decided to gather them all for a nice day out. Rarity and Applejack took some convincing, but all things considered it was more than worth it. I have to remember that I'm not alone, no matter how isolating my situation is. My friends will always be there for me, even if they don't know what I'm going through. It's been quite a few loops since I'd even spoken to them, I didn't even know what to talk about.
My friends were... concerned about me. Said I was acing 'off'. I'm not surprised; it's been the same day for over a month for me. Still, I convinced them I was fine, and was able to thoroughly enjoy their company. From here on out I’ll make it a priority to spend time with them once every seven loops.
Day 52
Still no luck on maintaining a living organism’s time stream outside of time. The simpler the organism the less the effect on it; various bacterial colonies showed growth usually associated with approximately one week. If it were at all possible to somehow enter a form of suspended animation, it may be possible for more complex creatures to make it through. The various complications with such a method weigh heavily on me, but currently it’s the best idea I have; things that were formerly living matter experience no ill effects in the space outside of time.
Day 59
Some limited success from me most recent experiment; it seems as though dead organisms are totally unaffected. It’s possible it has something to do with life acting as a sort of observer and affecting the outcome, similar to the well-known Heisenhoof Uncertanty Princile. Though that usually refers to the quantum scale. The Uncertainty Principle states that the act of observing a sufficiently small particle will affect it, no matter how delicately you do so. It may be applicable to my situation; life acts as the observer, and instead of affecting the measurement, it alters it entirely. I’ll have to do some more research; physics was never my strongest point, but I’m not a stranger to it.
I’m also still working on a spell to induce a state of suspended animation. The closer an organism mimics being dead, the less variance will be observed in its timestream.
Day 61
I really must start keeping a calendar with this journal. The thought never occurred to me, seeing as it’s always the same day, but I’ve just realized I missed my meet-up with my friends. Well, a day or two late never hurt anything - given it’s all the same to them - but I’d really like to keep variance to a minimum. It’s too late to do anything about it, now; tomorrow I’ll have to have Pinkie gather the girls for me. She’s much better at dragging Applejack away from her farm than I am. Am I not important enough?
It’ll be nice to see them again.
Day 75
The Uncertainty Principle is a dead-end angle. While I now have a much stronger grasp of quantum mechanics, there is no answers to be found in the field, practical or theoretical. They have nothing but ideas and formulas and theories. Nothing actionable. While the phenomena I’m experience is similar, a way around it cannot be found in physics. That leaves only the continually failing attempts at suspended animation. The closest I’ve come is successfully rendering lab rats unconscious. While this did reduce the approximate variance in their time streams, is was still much too large; both test subjects are deceased. I dread to think what would happen to me.
Unpleasant as that thought is, I cannot allow it to discourage me. There’s very little that I can hold on to save for the hope of finding a way out.
Day 129
Failure after failure after failure. Every angle, every test, every spell leads to the exact same outcome. It has now been almost five months of the same day. Every day. 7:23AM I wake up. Spike makes eggs and pancakes. He gets me coffee and always puts in too much sugar and my day starts all over again. The mental exhaustion is starting to catch up to me; I’m starting to get headaches quite frequently, and recently I’ve noticed my grip on my magic slipping. Just little things; my teleportation will be too far or I’ll accidentally slam something into the desk when I mean to set it down.
I need a vacation. Maybe my friends would like to get away. Just for a day.
Day 131
I’m back to work with a fresh mind. It took some a lot of convincing, but I managed to convince my friends to come to Baltimare with me for a couple days. Well, I told them it would be a couple days. I fell asleep in the nicest hotel in the city and woke up back in my bed. Like always.
Still, the break was nice, and it was a change of pace from the monotony of the loop. I think I’ll take it relatively easy today, and tomorrow jump back into my tests with a renewed vigour. I will find a way out.
Day 183
The headaches are starting again. The stress is mounting as spells continue to fail and tests continue to come up inconclusive or negative. If I truly am in a box, it’s locked tighter than the vaults of Canterlot Castle. I’d like to believe that even the strongest locks can be broken given time and patience, but mine is wearing thin.
Even with my friends. There’s only so many times I can listen to Rarity ramble talk about her new spring line of dresses. It’s always the same conversations. Always the same topics. Always the same. Over and over and over.
Perhaps another vacation is in order.
Day 297
I took a day with my friends again. It’s been… I don’t know how long. Too long. not long enough. I need to stay focused, but they’ve always helped me overcome every obstacle I’ve faced before. Maybe they can do it again. They won’t shut up They know there’s something wrong with me, and they try their best to cheer me up, but it’s so annoying I don’t know if they can help me this time.
Day 365
One full year I’ve been stuck reliving the same day. I feel like i’m losing my mind The headaches are getting worse. I’ve lost days of work in bed from the pain. My magic is all but going haywire. It’s hard to focus on it. I’ve taken to writing this entry manually.
I need to find a way out, and soon. I don’t know how much more I can take
Day 401
I’m a failure. I… I don’t know if I can find a way out. Is this is for me? Am I going to be stuck here until I die? will I ever die?
Day 456
I…
I think I just… I can’t even write it. I feel sick. I… she was… there was so much blood. My magic it just… I lost control. She was just so annoying! I’m so sorry, Pinkie. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’m sorry.
Day 457
I spent today crying, hugging Pinkie Pie. I woke up and ran to her shop and… she was there, smiling at me like always. I hugged her and I cried and I begged her to forgive me. I think I scared her, but… I can still see it. Her face. The blood. so much blood. When I close my eyes it’s all there is.It must have been hours I spent with her, sobbing into her chest. I just needed to know she was okay. That I hadn’t… hadn’t…
Day 462
Sleep is a thing of the past. After what I did I can’t bare to close my eyes. Mentally I’m exhausted. Too much to try anymore experiments. Not that they would help. I have to get out of here. If I hear Rainbow Dash bragging one more time she’s next. Take a break, get away from it all. My work. My friends. I’m so tired of Fluttershy apologizing. I just… I need to get away. I’m going to shove the sugar down Spike’s throat I’ve always wanted to go to Saddle Arabia, and I can be back the morning after I leave.
No one will even know I’m gone. I wish I wouldn’t come back
Day 500
Failure.
Day 572
I wish I could just stop waking up
Day 609
Please. Make it stop. When Spike brought me my coffee this morning and I tasted the sugar I just… it was like Pinkie Pie all over again. My magic acted without my control I meant to do it and he… he just slumped to the floor. I don’t… I can’t take this anymore. He deserved it. I know he’ll be back tomorrow today but… I can’t even go into the kitchen or I’ll see him.
Day 651
I’ll be here until I die. There’s no way out. But I don’t age here. I can’t die. I’ll never die. I’ll be here forever.
Day 723
I’m sorry. If you’re reading this, I’m sorry. There’s no way out. I don’t age. I can’t die on my own. It’s… it’s the only way. I only hope this journal is found so that others may know why I did this. What I went through. I wish for forgiveness for the acts I’ve committed, documented in this journal. Maybe, some day, the information I collected can be used to help somepony else in my place. I can only hope some good may come of this eternal nightmare.
To my dearest friends, know that it is you who kept me sane enough to last this long. It is only by your kindness, your generosity, your honesty and loyalty and laughter, that I have made it this far. However, I can’t take it anymore. I ask you not begrudge me my actions; please understand a life like this is not a life worth living.
I’m sorry.
Day 733
I woke up at 7:23 AM. Even… even that won’t release me. Is this some kind of sick punishment? What did I do to deserve this hell?
I can’t take this. I have to try again.
Day 734
I woke up
Day 735
I woke up
Day 736
I woke up
Day 737
I woke up.
Day 738
I woke up
Day 739
I woke up
Day 740
I woke up
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Nicely dark time loop story. Good job!
Impressively dark. I wonder if she could get a permanent solution by holding herself outside time, or if that was a method she tried at the end.
pretty good my dude, though i feel a sequel is in order with that open ending.
Holy... holy shit, dude.
The slow, passive deterioration of Twilight's sanity. The mental image of her just murdering her friends. That she'd just offed herself an unknowable amount of times. All of that because she wanted out. To be free of that unforgiving infinity.
It almost makes me scared for if she ever does manage to escape. Surely, she won't be the same mare that got stuck there. Especially after all of those events that which took place.
Fucking loved this. All of it.
Out standing!
Bravo!
A work that is one of my favorites and holds so much in so little.
Maybe she becomes a new Discord from this. Maybe she hops into the pocket dimension and finds a way out or spends eternity looping like Groundhogs Day until she learns to care for others across the nation.
The possibilities are endless and you can seriously write a chapter for each alt in an anthology that never ends or works her way out, insanities included!
A neurosis of clocks, phobias of ticking sounds. Fear of beds.
Okay, I'm rambling, but this story is so inspirational!
I'm really showing my age. I read this imagining it as an episode of the old Twilight Zone, complete with the opening music and narration by Rod Serling.
Kudos for bringing back good memories of that show.
The thought occurs to me with that plant just flat out vanishing in that pocket dimension that living things that are too complex don't disappear but instead cease to exist. I wonder, if Twilight stole a sapling from Applejack, tossed it in the pocket dimension and let it cease to exist, would Applejack recognize it's gone or simply act like the sapling never existed in the first place?
For that matter, if Twilight threw, say, Applejack in the pocket dimension, would people recognize she was gone? Would she even be gone from the time loop? Would everything forget that she existed? And for that matter, would that shatter the history of life since the Element of Honesty never existed to prevent Nightmare Moon, Discord, etc.?
Would that then shatter the time loop? Sacrificing one of the Elements?
And yet she didn't try moving herself into the pocket dimension -- she only killed herself in a manner that she knew she would come back from. This means she is not ready to die yet.
9646320
That or the last entry in the book is the last day before she realized that she could jump in the pocket dimension.
Hard to read this without looking at hard reset, this time loop shenanigans are sure very convenient to play on the fear of immortality going wrong.
Dark, depressing, revolting, this story did it all, it means it's good.
Well done.
9645286
Glad you enjoyed!
9645336
9645387
There might, might, be a sequel. If I do it would be a proper, long-form story if I decide to explore the various possible outcomes of this. Depends if the right inspiration hits.
9645477
Thanks! Honestly I think I'm proudest of the slow decay of her mental state in this story. I'd have liked to make the descent longer but I was running out of ideas for filler entries, and I wanted the breaks between to become longer and longer to give an accelerated feeling. As mentioned above, I am entertaining a sequel, for which this would be the mere tip of the iceberg. But time will tell.
9645814
So many possibilities indeed. Honestly, my headcanon for this is she eventually does slip outside of time, and just vanishes similar to the sapling. That's one of the reasons the description makes no note of Twilight, just that "a journal was found". Perhaps if I expand this we'll have some answers though.
9645984
Totally one of my inspirations for writing this. Or at the least the style in which I did so. No answers, no rhyme or reason. Just the tale of something unexplainable happening. Glad I managed to pull it off.
9646288
Actually, I had initially planned on a something similar happening; my idea was to have Twilight use one of Fluttershy's animals to experiment, and when they disappeared Fluttershy would have no recollection of them at all. I cut it, as that opened a new can of worms that I didn't feel like getting into, but the idea may be explored if I do a sequel.
9646320
That is absolutely one way to interpret it. And here I thought it was just a plot hole! Nah, actually I did have an idea in mind for why she doesn't, but... well, in case I do a sequel I'll keep it to myself.
9646808
I agree, that story is just amazing though and I feel like every time loop story is compared to Hard Reset.
Its like dark alternate version of Groundhog Day. I like it.
9648388
Groundhog day he killed himself multiple times too it just wasn't the end. Eventually suicide would get boring and she'd continue looking for a solution
9648744
But we can infer that she is stuck forever. At least the guy in Groundhog Day he broke the cycle. Now living the same day over and over without anyway out (as far as we know), that will suck. But in my opinion, I can see this with a sequel.
9648879
Yes but he was stuck for 10 years officially (8 according to fan calculations) and in the original script he was going to be stuck for 10000 years.
Twilight isn't even close to that so once she's over the killing herself part she might still find an out.
9648901
Yea we can only find out in the sequel
*fades to black*
*deep voice* Coming this summer
*epic music starts to play* from the author who brought you Diary of a Time Looper, now brings you
*everything goes tensely quiet*
*EXPLOSION* Diary of a Time Looper: A Way Out
Will Twilight find a way to break the curse? Or will she be forever trapped inside her own living hell? Living the same day over and over, losing her sanity bit by bit. Come find out in Diary of a Time Looper: A Way Out. Tickets sold on Bronycons near you
9649547
Definitely want to read that.
9649770
9648901
Yeah. Eventually, killing yourself or everyone else would get boring. Basically going crazy until you find yourself back at sanity because being crazy was boring. Then you accept that that is your life and do the things you've always wanted to learn.
Point is. Groundhog day nailed it. Even though they didn't show the darker aspects of it or him going on a city wide killing spree, we all know that he did.
9650075
Also, I want to see the sequel to this. I love these types of stories because it allows you to explore things about a character or yourself that you never would have known otherwise. When none of your actions have any consequences, it's allows you to explore everything about yourself. It brings all your dark and depraved thought to the front of your mind so that you can honestly analyze them and forgive yourself and work to be the best you that you can be. It's honestly beautiful in a way. It's let's you know who you really are. Most people never figure out who they actually are or their full potential which is the sad part.
etc,
Depressing, and yet, I want more.
9648196
Ikr, hard reset is really good though.
I loved this! How in gods name does this story not have a sequel?!?
9646814
Is there still a chance for a sequel?
Yeah, I have no words to say. I'm just gonna close the and hope nobody hears me crying.
I wonder wat will happen when she runs out of pages
10718654
i think she'll go so mental she'll murder everyone for the next 100 days,
So I wonder if she created over 600 alternate timelines. Including one where pinkie and one where spike are dead.
Also I had a thought. If she could preserve the journal perhaps she could show it to the princesses. Or perhaps , if she can preserve a journal she could also preserve voice recordings or memories? Maybe not memories. But if she could do that then she could in a sense preserve Celestia and Luna's memories of them talking to her about being stuck in a time loop. But showing them both months upon months of entries aught to convince them that Twilight is telling the truth.
10772942
Oh my gosh, this is amazing! Thank you so much! I was wondering why I had dozens of notifications on this story out of nowhere. You did such an amazing job voicing Twilight, adding a layer to her decline I would have never been able to convey through text.
You mean it only took 2 years to break her? Weak! Weak pony! Bill Murray made it at least a decade before he tried to kill himself...probably. That movie was bad at showing how many loops there were.
i dont know why she never consulted discord on this issue im sure he would be perfectly able to get twilight out of this time loop
10789600
To be fair, Phil Conners was already a selfish person, so he could be allowed to indulge in a number of activities such as drunk driving on the railroad tracks, going to a movie theater, stealing money from an armored bank truck, etc. So he managed to keep sane with the Loops he was in. Afterwards, Phil went about trying to better himself by learning how to ice sculpt, play the piano, to speak French among other things.
Similarly, Twilight Sparkle herself faced a similar dilemma in Hard Reset, but mostly because she was suffering the stresses of the Resets on a much closer scale due to Chrysalis' impending attack on Canterlot and the Elements of Harmony detonating because the Bearers weren't there to solve the problem soon enough. That Twilight went a bit nuts herself but in a more entertaining way such as eating donuts to test toxicity on a mare of her size, stealing from a store and going ham on the Changelings wearing a black cocktail dress, fabulous amethyst earrings and wielding a baseball bat... and in a later loop upping the ante with a chainsaw, having a tea party with Chrysalis, and heading home to tell her parents that she was actually a filly-fooler; and learn that her parents already knew it and had accepted it wholeheartedly, learning how to make homemade explosives, etc.
10793886
That sounds about right, yes. And of course, we should never forget that Twilight has lost it before. She's not entirely stable sometimes, so it wouldn't take as much to drive her over the edge.
10773931
What part of this story makes you think that she couldn't just make another journal?
That was great, the slow build into madness. Masterfully written. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for that sequel, hopefully it'll happen.
10837023
i dunno, it just feels like it's a Time-loop that won't allow Extra things added, given she tired almost every possible thing to escape it, even klling herself from day 733 tto 740, you know?
10837061
But we aren't talking about an escape. We're talking about a journal. If she can get one, there's no reason she couldn't get a second
10837063
we can only hope, can't we?
I liked this. Amazing work!
I would go to Discord, see what he knows.
10794110
plus the fact that unlike previously-mentioned examples, Twilight in this story didn't have to endure a crisis from an outside threat that could be solved theoretically, and that she isn't a pony that has a measure of self-indulgence or is one that truly could use the chance to experiment not on spells to get her out of the loop, but a chance to see what she can learn or pick up in the day she spends in the loop.
As mentioned before, Phil Connors in his loop learned how to speak French, to play the Piano, to perform CPR, and Ice Sculpt. the Hard Reset Twilight learned how to fight in a melee with a baseball bat, how to make homemade explosives, and that her parents knew she was gay all this time and accepted her for it. Twilight in this story could have done a number of things besides wasting time trying to escape, it would still be there when she wakes up the next day (literally), and she could use a distraction to conduct less scientific or magical experiments. She could have expanded her connections with the other ponies in town outside of those close with her friends; such as taking a tour of Berry Punchs' family trade if she and her family does operate a vineyard and learn how the bottling or grape-crushing process is conducted, or take some cello or viola lessons from Octavia, maybe even find out what other threats or treasures might be inside of either the Everfree Forest or buried in the treasure within Reginalds' Cave (the green dragon from Owl's Well That Ends Well), see if that contains a time artifact to get you out wiht. Perhaps she could experiment on ways of trying to understand more about her friends private interests and how to woo and romance any one of them like what Phil did in trying to seduce Rita.
Twilights' singular drive and OCD is largely unhealthy and I know it is a flaw to her character, but she could have experimented and experienced a bit more of the town around her before she went into the suicide phase. Not knocking your talent or writing, moreso a gripe about Twilight in-particular and her compulsive self-destructive drive to please Princess Celestia.
10897526
For all we know, this is a story set before Twilight becoming a Princess or before Season 2 since there's no mention of her having the Elements of Harmony on her or in her possession to solve this spell in the first place. Considering to have a chat with Discord is completely off the books for her to consider doing.
Man. That time the save file becomes broken for no apparent reason.
Only in this case it's rather... an accidentally triggered autosave feature... With no way out...
Plot twist: she was saved and brought to a hospital; then time flowed right again. Yeah, I wish
...
She should have tried reshaping reality. Like one certain flower...
Hum, I wonder, what, if the reset occurred spontaneously... After a day... After two days... Curious...
Another plot twist: the universe couldn't cram all her memories into her head at the load time, so when Twilight woke up the next (more like yet another) day, she realised she'd been comatose that whole time and had missed a lot... Well, at least the loop was ended... Or was it?..
This story can certainly keep one on edge!
This appears to be the hundredth story of those I have yet to create special bookshelves for. Yay, the hundredth visitor
!
Wow... just wow, words cant explane how amazing this is... just... wow
I know that not all stories have a happy ending, but this is one of those damnation stories that leave no hope, and no love for the author. Tree of of Harmony was able to fight through plundervines AND inert elements, and manifest a table when Starlight changed time. I would have thought that somewhere in a year or two the Tree would manage to break through the time loop, and save Twilight, the bearer of Magic. If that is not possible... When is the story takes place? Have they fought Discord yet? If Discord is unavailable I would ask, repeatedly for all kingom's might of research. Celestia and Luna must be able to do SOMETHING, to THINK of another ANGLE. I'm reminded of Doctor Who. He managed to escape an unescapable prison by beating a substance, that is harder than diamond by FISTS. He died, again and again, but in the end - he escaped.
That was surprisingly refreshing... and scary
. Well done 
.