"I tried... I desperately tried so many attempts to warn them or stray them away from the path.
I told them multiple times that this path was not safe but did they listen?
No, of course not or my warnings would have become common knowledge to travellers.
"If we cut through the straights by the old hippogriff kingdom, we will be back home with time to spare." The captain told me.
That's the thing with merchants. Always so greedy, impatient and impulsive when an opportunity has presented itself to them.
Every single time, I told them this path was not safe but was met with total ignorance and sometimes with verbal or even physical abuse.
As a consequence, there was not a single ship to be seen again after they took the path. The local fishermen never came this way for no living beings were swimming around the path and a few of the superstitious ones knew what horrors awaited.
I can still hear their faint horrified screams as she tears them and this ship apart, plank by plank and limb by limb. It is too late for me and this ship, but any creature reading this message heed my warning.
Turn back, turn back and DON'T even think of returning to this place again.
This path is not safe.
For those who do not believe the stories once you reach her rock, you will know True terror for you are now in Scylla's domain."
Very nice.
10347005
Thanks
Before i begin to read, i am going to guess the Greek monster Scylla.
10347014
Aye. I remember playing a character like that in Smite
10347014
Yes
10347086
Scylla? Never heard of that one.
10347185
She has the upper body of a human woman and her lower half is six massive tenticals that at the end hold dog heads .Their are two main origins of her. She was born a monster or turned into one by a witch.
10347247
Thanks. Probably never knew about it because charybdis exists
10347458
She's his counter part. In fact between scylla and charybdis is how we got between a rock and a hard place
10347480
i think charybdis is also female, i remember hearing that she was a some type of sea nymph (or something like that) that poseidon cursed (can't remember why though) and that if charybdis opens her mouth three times then she will drink the entire the ocean, that's the thing about greek myth half of the monsters came about because of someone being cursed.
10347520
Maybe
Huh, this sounds like my type of person to be with.
Hauntingly well written, I enjoyed this story!
I didn't know about this creature, but it is pretty scary.
10348841
She is scary, in tales that feature her the gods say do not fight her and flight is the best option
10348878
Sounds like it, poor little sheep.
I'm not sure if this should be regarded as a 'comedy' myself. Also it had very little build-up to things turning sideways. No warning, no premonition of disaster or feeling of unease.
The description of the characters works, but some of their traits were quickly swept aside. Like the captain being a greedy cuss, which I felt could have lead to more conflict in how the ship is being managed. But no they're just going to go this way and not make any real mention of it being any different from any other time. Sure the captain is greedy but he's not showing it, showing it to us. Even the notion of him turning to save the 'child' seems out of place...as with the weakly established character motivation it could work better to have some conflict, a fight or something for control of the heading of the ship.
It feels like there is potential in how this story is presented, but it didn't grip or engage me. Even something like a brutal display of how some of the crew were eaten or disposed of could have given me more to engage with in the story, but as it stands I can't recommend it at this time.
10365513
I'm not a good writer. I'm sure a better one would of done a much better job but from some of the other comments Scylla isn't that well known
10365526
That's a thing you could do with the story. You could tell more about the creature, allowing others to see more of what she/it is. While at the same time adding your own little details or the like onto some of the myths surrounding it.
It's not a criticism of knowing who Scylla is or not, it is regarding the other details I previously mentioned. Something more in-depth to help pull you in, to make you feel a tension on the water, or that something is wrong. A sense of dread, unease, along with other complications leading up to encountering Scylla. These are just some examples that come to mind for me to consider if you have another go at this or rewrite it.
10365554
Fair but it would take more skill then I have right now
10365570
That's fair I would say. Just something to note as you progress further on. Keep on as you feel the motivation and drive to do so!
That said, I'm still confused as to how this is considered a comedy. I would like to know your thinking in that regard.
10367072
I think that was there from a earlier version and I just forgot to remove it
My only question is...where's the storm king?
10427150
I assume in canterlot at this moment in time
10427166
I mean cause you have him listed as a character in the story. But he's not in the story at all.
10427172
He's from a earlier version of the story and I forgot to remove him