Spike is the perfect assistant. He's been programmed that way, after all.
Unfortunately, he and Rarity and Twilight were programmed by Master Simon to help out around Mistress Olive's apartment before Mistress Olive kicked Master Simon out. And Mistress Olive doesn't like her assistants to have faces and names and personalities, especially when they come from some eighty-year-old cartoon show she's never heard of...
The original version of this story had no Pony content whatsoever and came in 2nd in the 247th Writeoff contest, "The Hurricane's Eye Blinked." It's been extensively rewritten since then and was now an entry in the 2023 Science Fiction contest where it didn't make the Top 12.
Chapters (1)
I'll have you know I'm at the untender mercies of the BAs, the ops team's insipid demands, and QA not bothering to read the case before telling me my changes aren't working.
Ahem. Anyway, fantastic work. There's a lot of story packed in relatively few words here, with twists, turns, and nicely subtle world building. And Simon shipping Sparity may have been foreshadowing in its own right given his toxic attitude towards other relationships... Thank you for this.
This was lovely! You pulled off some quite impressive turns in the story with such little space to work in.
One thing that did bother me a little is how Spike immediately figures out that the Maze is activating surveillance routines. It feels like there’s a jump in logic there that we as the audience aren’t privy to, and it makes that reveal kinda come out of nowhere (I also find it to be a weird method, but Simon’s a weird guy).
Regardless, very good work! As a fellow competitor, best of luck in the contest!
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Thanks, folks!
I've been trying to remember where I heard it--from some programmer friend, I'd guess--but he said that most of the programmers he knew always made sure to put one big, obvious bug in their code for the QA people to find so that they'll feel they're contributing to the process. Being neither a programmer nor a qulity assurance person, I've been meaning for a while to work that into a story, but this is what came out...
Mike
There were a bunch of twists and turns there I wasn't expecting, but they were all worth it.
Spike figuring out that the Maze was related to Simon hacking Olive's system was a little out of place, but it was the only rough patch in a very well crafted story.
so true actually
very intriguing and heartbreaking start!
and, oof! makes too much sense that we can have these characters in a near future of our own world. and also makes sense that humans will still be awful and mistreat them so
that is a…. very roundabout way to give Spike a way out
and oof. Olive was painted as an irredeemable antagonist so far but now it is starting to sound like Simon is deliberately using these characters and the empathy they would normally induce as tools to his own sociopathic ends. which would explain that “escape” he gave to Spike
so true Rarity is great at everything she does even in household appliance form
and oof. this also feels like great commentary on the not-great reasons a certain part of the fandom might have in identifying with Spike in a certain way, represented directly by Simon. i see this as a reconstruction of those awful tropes that made the original show writers write Spike in the way that they did, and honestly it’s brilliant
and oof. honestly, a brilliant story, but i do find this ending bittersweet, considering that Spike and Rarity and Twilight go straight back to being Ms. Olive’s appliances despite she herself acknowledging their distinct personalities. but maybe that is the best they can hope for in this setting, which is an unsettling thought.
this is by far my favorite Spike fic (though i admit that is a low bar!). i don’t think it really could have worked with anycreature else as a protagonist, as his naïveté and being a child and strange social position as both little brother and assistant to Twilight and even the whole crush on Rarity thing were all so integral to this story. excellent work!
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Thanks!
Y'know, I think this might be about the most bittersweet thing I've ever written. It's certainly the darkest setting I've come up with for a story in a long time...
Mike
You can has review!