Prologue
I am not who everypony thinks I am. My dear subjects, my closest confidants, they think I am the most beautiful creature in Equestria, their savior, protector and guardian. Each one of them, the smallest filly to the oldest stallion, worships the ground I walk upon. The might of their love, allows me to move mountains.
But I’m not who they think I am. I have saved them. I have watched over their ancestors and safeguarded their descendants. I have guided them and led them through trials and tribulations, but I am not the most beautiful creature in Equestria.
What they see is an impersonation. It is a mask that I am bound to wear out of duty and out of fear, for what they would do if they found out.
For so long I played my part. I have acted flawlessly and I have been rewarded. My load has become more bearable in more recent years. Some days, I barely feel my burden. Occasionally, I don’t even recall that I am even wearing a mask. I look back on my reign with pride and if there was an audience, they would have given me a standing ovation. I have guided my ponies through many catastrophes, paving the way with the help of their affection.
But all things must change.
Recently the utopia I have built is under siege, although the threats appear to be manageable. All of Equestria stands behind me. Even the dreams of my ponies are safe. Still, there have been instances where chaos and darkness envelop the land, threatening to smash all that I have accomplished. Yet, they falter before the combined efforts of my greatest knights. They are honest, loyal, kind, funny, generous, and faithful; so very faithful.
But none of them know I am merely an alternate, a stand-in, a fake. My friends have come very close to discovering the truth. The time draws near for me to reveal myself to them, to drop my mask.
I only hope I will have the courage to do so. I pray that they will understand. I hope that they can forgive me for my deception.
Well, this is alluring...
This could be really.......REALLY good. The comedy tag concerns me for a story like this.....even so
I love the idea, as it incurs tons of drama across the board, but I am concerned for that comedy tag. Never the less, I will continue.
Hm, not bad. This is an interesting premise you got there.
Damn it; forgive me for my excessively long delay, but I have been busy, mostly with the document I not an hour ago finished; the script for Joseph (youngest brother/co-writer) and my post season three video review of 'The Crystal Empire,' which we fcking hated about as much as Spoony fcking hated every Final Fantasy game after VII. Then I tuned all my seething resent of the absolute worst episode(s) of any cartoon that I've seen since episode XXIV of Samurai Jack by picking up my just recently purchased Ibanez RG7321 and playing such calming melodies as 'Right Now,' 'Break Some Off,' and the family-friendly 'People = Sht'. So with all this simmering hatred lingering like just-below lethal poison coursing through my veins, I believe I'm in the proper mentality to, per your wishes, come down upon your 'X is a Changeling story,' where 'X = Celestia;' one of THE MOST improbable values for X that it could possibly be, with as much judgmental scrutiny drivel by irrational prejudices as Vimbert the Unimpressive on a Spike X Rarity ship fic. (... I still feel bad for forgetting to tell him our story has elements of that in it before I convinced him to do the editing for it...)
Time to jump right into Princess Celestia: The Changeling Queen.
For the sake of critical analysis, I'll be going into this one with my suspension of disbelief withheld, so theoretically if the story has enough solid merit, it should convince me otherwise as I progress through it. Furthermore, I'll be adding comments as I read... like I just realized that Chrysalis was the first monarch in the series we'd seen that actually had the title 'Queen.' What gives? Equestrians referred to Celestia as 'Princess' for over a thousand years, but that arguably was because she was co-ruler with Luna... but then Luna went all Nightmare Moon and was banished for so long that just about everypony forgot about her, so why did they keep calling her 'Princess?' Did she just prefer the title? What is it with the ongoing theme over misuse of royal titles in this series? Blueblood sort of gets a pass because I've seen Lauren's behind-the-scenes notes about how his heritage, which he's been 53 times removed from, was adopted; he's more of a duke than anything else, but they used the term 'Prince' because little girls don't know/are too dumb to care what a duke is, but what's the excuse for Cadance? What was she the Princess of? I know she rules the Crystal Empire now, which was one of the many things that I called BS on in the script, but in the book Twilight found it clearly states they called their rulers 'queen,' so why hasn't her title changed? And what the FCK is Twilight supposed to be a princess of? Magic? Friendship? You can't rule over those because one is a science and the other is a concept; not entities that can be governed. Was the opportunity to make a Legend of Zelda reference too great, or in all cases is the term 'princess' what has been determined the most effective title to sell some fcking pieces of plastic to little girls?
Damn... I just had an epic OCD moment and I haven't even clicked on the link to the first chapter. This is probably going to take a long time, so you might want to get some snacks...
Okay, now I'm jumping in...
So right away, I pick up that this story is told from first person perspective through Celestia... presumably; could be Chrysalis, too. My 'expect a fck-ton of one-sided exposition' flags are already up, and I haven't even gotten to the second sentence yet. Though perhaps one too many Changeling fics have made it an instinct to go into them thumbing the eject button. I'll keep on reading; maybe this is just a method used for the introduction. I've got to be objective, after all...
Made it through the first paragraph. This was staring me in the face since the first sentence, too, but the 'Celestia and Chrysalis made some sort of pact with each other' writing is on the walls with about as much garish clarity as the 'Megan McCarthy is writing the season four premiere; prepare for crushing disappointment' writing is. Again, maybe I'm just reading too much into this too soon, but I'm seeing a lot of set-ups that damn well better be clarified.
Third paragraph, and this is really more of a personal preference, but I'm not the biggest fan of introducing plot points through exposition. It's often the prime example used in the argument of 'show>tell.' I don't get as much an impact of "the pony leader's" Did you consider writing this scene in a manner where, though vague and exact identities wouldn't be given at the time, we would actually get to see (i.e read) this deal being made between them? Maybe I'll see this later... but still. At least you're laying down some back-story so when the truth inevitable gets revealed and we get the exposition explanation, at least they're won't be as much of the story to be told through retroactive continuity or flashbacks, and I tend to like those devices for storytelling even less.
I'll try and speed it up a bit.
Simple lines, but they do make me feel the first of this unidentified character's compassion. Good move, actually.
i.qkme.me/35m2pn.jpg
Wait; is this Celestia talking about Luna? Does this mean they're not actually sisters? Now my 'BS' flags are up
That depends on whether this story is any good or not.
So first impressions, you use your words well and know how to capture drama quickly and concisely... something I'll be the first to admit I can't do worth sht. But again I make the case that one-sided, past tense exposition is not the best way to introduce just about any concept, and even though no names are given, it's easier than Fable 3 to stipulate who is narrating and referring to whom, which may prove to be a case of overplaying your hand.
Now time to see where it goes from here...
*bloop*
Achievement unlocked
20G - Epic Rambling
Leave a critique on a chapter longer than the chapter itself.
... onward to chapter one!
- Christian 'Achievement Hunter' Harisay
2216290 my head hurts
As I read this I wondered if Luna was or was not aware that Celestia is a Changeling.
Oh boy, oh boy, here we go! Time to tear off the mask and truly see what has people loving this story.
And I've already determined what will probably be the single most irritating recurring error in this story. Don't worry; every story has something.
Onward I go...
Interesting. Well, a lot of people like it. Onwards and ... rightwards.
Well, here I start. The mere concept of this story just tickles me crazy, so hopefully it lives up to the premise...and maybe make some cake and Sunflanks jokes while we're at it.
6410956 I for one am really curious about this story after looking through the writers gallery. not one of his other stories is completed, this one? Has a sequel. Which tells me that it's a story that was just... The exact one he wanted to tell.
Time to see if this story deserves all those likes.
Prologue was interesting though the premise opens up a few immediate plot holes that I hope get addressed. First, how neither Chrysalis nor the, as yet unidentified Changeling Queen sensed the presence of another queen through the entire build up to the wedding? On that note, why didn't "Celestia" notice Cadence wasn't giving off her normal love aura? That would have given more weight to Twilight's accusations and she, being a changeling herself would immediately recognize the signs of a changeling's hoof work.
Heck, this prologue has "Celestia" remarking how the love of her subjects which she's been basking in for centuries makes her strong enough to move mountains. So how did Chrysalis who had only been feeding off a single pony for a few days to a week at most, defeat her so easily? Don't get me wrong, I fully expect these things to be addressed as the story continues, just needed to point out the issues this premise inherently resents.
Well time to read on and get my answers.
my friend was right.... this looks really good
Well I'm sure late to the party. Just means I don't have to wait for the ending.
I've guessed the plot twist after reading the first two paragraphs of this
Wait so if Celestia is a changling queen does that mean Luna is a changling too? Cuz Celestia and Luna are sisters right?
So, the thing i hated the most is one the the races i love the most....I feel tainted with guilt.
You feel your sins crawling on your back.
Re-reading this story.
Celestia the changeling queen? I am both intrigued... And scared at the same time. I know I've only just read the prolouge, but I'm curious as to when this 'celestia' assumed her role. Did something happen between the intervals of when nightmare moon was banished and her return? I can't imagine a changing, let alone a queen changeling, having the knowledge to use the elements.
Although I guess they didn't really specify that they could ONLY be used by ponies, sure the mane six could use them, but that was a part of destiny, if the scenario were different, it probably wouldn't matter if they were griffions, dragons, or celestia forbid timber wolfs. .
They were linked to destiny, which could take many forms, at least that's what I think.
7444477 I'm on my fourth read I still come back from time to time.
wow. just, wow. :O
Lol. All she needs is to hand this chapter in to her 'confidants' and I think its all summed up pretty well.
Promise of a premise!
Looking good BOIZZZ!
Even if I'm later than the late comment. :P
Time to re-read this! Love the new cover art, though personally, I think it gives away a couple of things. Though maybe that's because I've already read this before.
Masterpiece detected, enabling like button.
Nice
2019 - Magnificent story i missed to read! Time to change that
Found this story awhile back and needed some need material to read, another good read!
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Good comment detected, enabling like button
back for another reread of a classic masterpiece
11420777
Doing my 4th read through now,I have like 300 chapters on my tracking but I don't really feel like reading any of them tbh.
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Aww thanks :)
time to reread. Sleep is for the weak!
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SLeep is important! But I'm glad you like rereading this :)
rereading this for... the 2nd time this week actually
won't finish it before my d&d session in a few hours, but honestly this is one of very few fics i always come back to, which is probably how i found myself wanting to reread again days after i just did ehehe
Here goes my second read.