Quick Update on Friendship Is Absurd · 9:07pm Feb 21st, 2016
So, this post is just an update status of sorts. In truth I mostly just was a little tired of seeing the most recent post on the blog being a commentary about a previous chapter of the story.
Anyway! Friendship Is Absurd is still being worked on, though it might take a little while for the next part to come out. The next chapter, which is the Twilight's Kingdom parody (unless I get some last-minute inspiration for a previous episode to parody) has just passed The Return of Irony in word count, meaning it's the longest chapter of the story after the first if we don't count Equestrian Gals as a chapter. There's still more to be written, so who knows, it might end up being the longest chapter so far.
So, um... yeah. Didn't really have that much to say. Hopefully you'll all like the chapter whenever I finally finish it up. I'm especially hoping the climax of the battle turns out all right, as I really like my idea for how they win. But we'll see if I can execute it well.
You know what? I think you deserve a little more than that. So, here's the start of the chapter as a preview! Note that this is just the rough draft, so some parts of this may end up being rewritten before the chapter itself is posted. Further note that if you haven't read Friendship Is Absurd, this contains some spoilers, so you may want to skip on it if you haven't already read the story, plus some parts might not make much sense to you if you're not appraised of the current situation in it. So again, I'd really only recommend reading this if you've already read the story up until this point, or at least up until the "The Crystal Empire Strikes Back" chapter.
So, without further ado...
A long time after a long time ago, in a galaxy far away from a galaxy far away, in another universe entirely, a brown unicorn wandered through an alley.
This is not his story.
Instead, it is the story of a different brown unicorn in a different alley. Actually, it isn’t his story either, but his story involves events that start up the actual story.
“Oh boy!” said the unicorn to himself. “A dark alley! I sure hope no one ambushes me while I’m here.” Just then, a figure appeared. “The irony!” shouted the unicorn.
“‘Is he friend or is he foe?’ the pony wonders,” said the aforementioned figure to the aforementioned unicorn. “I can assure you, I–”
“Actually, I wasn’t quite wondering that,” interrupted the unicorn. “What was going through my mind was–”
“Oh, come on!” said the figure. “I had this ominous speech all ready until you screwed it up.”
“Uh, sorry?” asked the unicorn uncertainly.
“Whatever. I’ll just take your magic.” The figure drained the magic from the unicorn, erasing his cutie mark as well.
“Well, that wasn’t very nice,” muttered the unicorn before falling over.
“I might as well finish my ominous speech,” said the figure. “I am Lord Tirek, and I will take what should have been mine long ago!”
“Lord Tirek. Huh. Any relation to Lord Seth?” asked the sprawled-out unicorn.
“Who?”
“I don’t know,” said the unicorn, “but I think I heard he was important.”
Tirek grumbled. “All this work on this great ominous speech and I just get asked about some guy I’ve never heard of. Back in my day, ponies respected the ominous speech.”
“Yeah!” said Chrysalis as she entered the scene. “You should accept the fact he put some work into that! Here, let’s try again. Give the rest of the ominous speech.”
“That was the ominous speech,” said Tirek.
“Wait,” said Chrysalis, “so your entire ominous speech was ‘‘“Is he friend or is he foe?”, the pony wonders. I can assure you... I am no friend. I am Lord Tirek, and I will take what should have been mine long ago’?”
“Uh, yes?” said Tirek uncertainly.
“Two things,” said Chrysalis. “First, that’s a lame ominous speech. Second, having a quote within your speech makes it awkward to quote it because it requires a quotation within a quotation within my dialogue! It looks so awkward.”
“Why should you care? I said it out loud!”
“Yeah, but if someone were to write this all down, it would look really weird.”
“Well,” said Tirek, “I thought it was a great ominous speech.”
“Really?” asked Chrysalis. “With that ‘is he friend or is he foe’ line? That was one of the cheesiest things I’ve ever heard.”
“Screw it,” said Tirek. “I’m out of here.” He walked off.
“Uh, any chance I can get my magic and cutie mark back?” asked the unicorn.
“You’re just a generic character,” said Chrysalis, “so who knows?”
Just then, Luna arrived. “Chrysalis! This isn’t just a dream; it’s a vision.”
“Wait, this is a dream?” asked Chrysalis. She paused. “Well, that would explain why everything seemed even more meta than usual.”
“Could you be serious for just one minute?” asked Luna.
“Probably not,” said Chrysalis. “Anyway, why do you have to come into my dreams to communicate with me? Can’t you just knock like everyone else?”
Luna sighed and placed her hoof on her forehead. “Look, Chrysalis. The point is that this clearly was a vision about how Tirek will return to cause havoc and how you need to take the necessary precautions to stop it.”
“So, wait, did this vision already happen, or is this something that will happen?”
“I think it already happened.”
“Including the part where I came in and complained about the situation?”
“No,” said Luna, “I’m pretty sure that part was dream exclusive.”
“Are you sure this wasn’t just a really weird dream with no relation to reality? Because I’d hate to prepare for what turns out to be nothing.”
“Yes, I’m sure!” snapped Luna.
“Wait,” said Chrysalis. “How do I know you’re not a figment of my imagination within the dream? You might not be the real Luna.”
“Oh, for the love of,” grumbled Luna. “Fine!” She disappeared.
“I really need to stop eating that garlic, green pepper and tofu chili before I go to bed,” muttered Chrysalis.
She was then abruptly woken up by a rather loud noise. “Whosawhatit?” she asked groggily.
“Just doing the Royal Canterlot Voice to make sure you woke up,” said Luna.
“You could knock first,” said Chrysalis as she got out of bed. “What’s so important you had to get me up?”
Luna face-hoofed again. “Chrysalis. Do you not remember what just happened in that dream you had?”
“I’m not very good at remembering dreams,” Chrysalis said. “Did it involve chili? I think I remember that part.”
One exposition dump later…
“Are you sure this was a vision and not just my subconscious trolling me?” asked Chrysalis. “Because it has a tendency to do that.”
“Yes, I’m sure!” said Luna.
“Ugh,” said Chrysalis. “Well, I know what I have to do.”
"Dear Sunset Shimmer,
Taking a vacation. You're in charge now. Power hungry monster coming for you. Good luck,
Queen Chrysalis."
If dream sequences are this funny, when/if you do Do Princesses Dream of Magic Sheep, it's probably going to be comedy galore.