You pick up the first book, weighing it in your hands. Twilight looks up at you brightly. “Oh, that’s one of my favourites!” she squeaks, opening it for you with a purple hoof. “Peace And Peace, by Leo Trotsky, he’s a fantastic writer!”
Shaking your head slowly, you laugh at the pony’s simple taste. “Twilight, Twilight Twilight…” you tut, ripping the book in half with your bare hands to show how superior you are to it. “Pony literature is nothing compared to human literature. Let me teach you about its wonders!”
Twilight gives a little shriek as she sees you tear up the book, but is curious, as you hoped she would be. “You mean… it’s better?” she queries, tilting her head slightly. “But pony literature is…”
You cut her off sharply. “No Twilight, human literature is far deeper and moving than anything ponies could write. For thousands of years, humanity has been writing, building upon creative genius to produce writers of towering intellect who have written the greatest works that have ever existed. Works which challenge the very fabric of reality itself! Shakespeare! J K Rowling! Rob Cakeran Fifty-Three! The list goes on and on!”
You look at the book fragment in your hands. “Peace and Peace Twilight, really? This is nothing compared to the masterpiece that is My Little Dashie, the greatest work of literature my planet has ever produced. “
“My… Little… Dashie?” Twilight raises an eyebrow quizzically.
“Yes!” You start to wave your hands about enthusiastically as you describe to Twilight the most moving work in the English language. “Imagine Twilight, imagine Rainbow Dash, but a filly! And one day you find her and she’s in a cardboard box and you have to look after her. Isn’t that deep?” You look into her bright eyes. “Don’t you love me now Twilight, knowing what a deep person I am?”
Twilight recoils slightly. “What? No! That doesn’t sound deep!”
“Oh.” You grimace. “Well, there are many other great works of literature. Take Past Sins for example, a rollercoaster of a novel about you, Twilight, finding a filly Nightmare Moon which you have to look after! Isn’t that deep?”
“That sounds… odd.” It’s Twilight’s turn to pull a face at your description. “Tell me more about it.”
You shrug. “Eh, I’ve not read it actually, but I know I like it because it is popular!” You snap your fingers. “Oh, and Fallout: Equestria! That’s another epic work of fiction! I’ve not read that either, but it’s one of my favourite stories because I really like the Fallout computer games.” You shuffle closer to Twilight. “Now you know how intelligent I am, do you want to marry me?”
Moments later, you find yourself flung onto the streets of Ponyville ass-first. Landing with a thump, you shake your fist in the direction of Twilight. “Uncultured swine!” you scream. You’re glad you got the witty last word in.
Well, I think I fucked up.
.... kills him self
Well shoot this what wanting to seduce Twilight gets me... Now where's Rarity?
Damn, how did Twilight resist a smooth move like that?
"Rob Cakeran Fifty-Three!"
You're freaking brilliant, my friend.
"Rob Cakeran Fifty-Three!"
You're freaking brilliant, my friend.
Also, I'm glad it didn't end with me dieing. Good stuff. I was only rejected.
...This is full of lies. I've freaking read Past sins since before the first rewrite!
511248
I never knew what past sins was about until now...it sounds more intresting; i only read about the first chapter.
This part is full of filthy, filthy lies! I have too read Past Sins and Fallout: Equestria, I actually didn't like the Fallout computer games, and I think My Little Dashie is one of the most undeservedly overhyped fanfics in the fandom!
... Now, who to (try to) seduce next?
I choose this option BECAUSE I do have a great knowledge of literature, science, theater arts, and Philosphy...Aristotle, Plato, Berkeley, Tolken, Shakespeare, Cryano, Checklov, Dante, Moliere, Edgar Allen Poe, T.S Elliot, Neil Simon, Herbert George Wells, W.B Yeatz... I could go on for a long time...
I find that the me in this universe is horribly under-read. I mean, of everything he chose to explain MLD and past sins? I mean, shit. He already called out a few decent authors. But, this is a comedy, so I suppose this had to happen...Damn it...
mother of fucking god I swear I've explored virtually every option available, other than seducing the demon kind and the donut maker. I swear, if one of those options leads to the finding of the Time Orb...
NOO!
I failed... meh, I saw it coming.
Peace and Peace -- I lol'd
first mistake you don't talk to a girl like twi about fiction, ask about chemistry or biology the real life twilight i know certainly likes to talk about that. also be sure to not try any heavy paramouring. that's my 2% of a dollar or 2 cents as it were.
Past Sins? Brb.
I am master of laydeez
I will seduce them all
I kinda had the same reaction to a description of My Little Dashie as well. I've read it since then, and it's garbage. If you want a truly awesome piece that's about someone finding a lost child from another dimension, I whole-heartedly recommend Earthboy Jacobus by Doug Ten-Napel.
No! In this world I'm an illiterate idiot!
I'm a reading freak, and can names tons of books that I enjoy better than fan fiction.
Warrior Cats series, Guardians of Ga'hoole series, Little House series, Tuck Everlasting, The Cay, Roll of Thunder Hear my Cry, *list goes on and on*
So why am I reading this you ask?
.......... I honestly don't know.
Curse you Twilight Sparkle! CURSE YOU!!!
AND THEN HE GOT STONED
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DAMMIT
my little dashie
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
FUCK NOOOOOOOOOOOOO
I DONT WISH TO SHOW HER THIS
Rowling is hardly a literary master. The dumb bitch is down there with the likes of Stephanie Meyer.
If I thought My Little Dashie was the greatest accomplishment of human literature, I'd throw myself out, too.
Also:
> Don’t you love me know
In Soviet Equestria, War and Peace is written by the founder and first leader of the Red Army.
Lol, I am so not a fan of Fallout, played it, didn't actually like it much. I KNOW ABOUT STORIES OTHER THAN FANFICS YA KNOW?
dam i think its imposible to seduce a book lover if your not a book?...
ffffffffuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!
I truly feel like you've captured the essence of the stereotypical brony in a brilliant, hilarious way. I see a lot of myself in this guy, but I totally would have been a lot smoother with twilight. She is best pony after all.
Leo Trotsky? Is he related at all to Leon?
Also, I'm disappointed by my not mentioning H.P. Lovecraft or Victor Hugo.
511716 i am steaming with rage that Douglas Adams is not on that list sir.
520935 if she really is like me, she will laugh at the terribly written story, confusing it for a comedy (everything after finding dashie is pretty terrible)
521890
yeah mathew reily for the win, Stephanie meyer and JK Rowling is down there with stephen king and the rest of the terrible massivly famous writers. Although whats her name stephanie collins who wrote the hunger games was fantastic
dear celestia, i think twi might have gone for him if he had mentioned cupcakes
510821 i dont get it
I came here by trying to begin a hypothetical seducing journey, since all the ones so far are bad, but I lost the will already... ...Meh.
I never liked "My Little Dashie".
And I could seduce Twilight way better than that.
Eeyup that brony is a foal and a foal of a neigh
Where's Rob when you need him?
What? I'm not that stupid. Hello back button! All I ever wanted was to talk books with Twilight! WHY UNIVERSE WHY!?
i like this one although its obvious you have read past sins right? ...................... right?
Fucking :U
Boxer armor save ftw
This guy is so much like me...
Could be worse. Much worse.
But it's still worse enough.
Are you refrering to Lev Trotsky the founder of the Red Army and who Stalin got assinated in mexico and was killed by an ice pick?
Rob cakeran fifty-three needs to comment on this chapter.
...how did I not die?