Equestrian culture loves cutie marks. Filly Starlight Glimmer hates them and never wants one. So, she leaves Equestria.
"...And so we left, just like that. Several hours before, I was eating dinner, thinking I would spend my whole life learning to deal with Riverfall... and then there I was, on a boat going west. It was one of the most sudden things that ever happened in my life, right up there with losing Sunburst... and losing my village."
The late-afternoon sun streamed through an ornate stained-glass window, refracting into dozens of colors which refracted again upon hitting a crystalline floor. The shadows they cast silhouetted two ponies sitting comfortably on opposing couches, a glass table set between them decked with the remains of refreshments and cups of cooled tea.
"Wow." Twilight Sparkle blinked, interrupting for the first time in hours. "So you just... left, without even having one day to think about whether it was the right decision?"
Starlight chuckled back, watching as her friend and mentor finally broke her silence. With a voice raspy from a day of nonstop narration, she said, "Pretty much, Princess. But I was... kind of used to it, at the time. And before you try to feel bad for me, keep in mind that I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't gone with them to Ironridge. It was a hasty decision, and maybe not the wisest, but..."
"But you're here now." Twilight nodded appreciatively. "Thanks for offering to tell me all this, by the way. I mean, I always wondered if there was more to your past than what you showed me while we were time traveling, but thought it would be rude to ask..."
"Didn't want to dredge up bad memories?" Starlight raised an eyebrow. "Or didn't want to risk making light of what happened to me if there was nothing more than what I showed you?"
Twilight's ears pressed against her head. "Both, actually."
"Heh..." Starlight looked away. "Believe me, Twilight. Talking this long is a lot harder than having to think about all that again. I mean, I almost considered doing something with time travel again to let the past tell the story for me, there's so much to cover. It's so foreign and exotic, it sometimes feels like a dream... and there were some truly good times I had with those ponies. And griffon. It's nice to remember, and tell someone besides myself that it actually happened."
"Are you sure?" Twilight's ears stayed down, a look of concern on her face. "I mean, I think I would have noticed if there had been a pony named Maple who acted like your mother in your village. I keep waiting for the other horseshoe to drop, and don't try to tell me it doesn't come."
"I know, I know, I grew up to be a dictator, and that doesn't usually come from perfect, happy childhoods," Starlight sighed. "Twilight, you're an alicorn. Shouldn't you be the expert here in appreciating things while they last?"
Twilight flinched. "That's not really something I like to think about..."
"Sorry." Starlight looked away as well, and for a moment both mares were locked in an awkward silence.
Eventually, Starlight was the one to break it. "She doesn't die, if it makes you feel better."
"Huh?"
"Maple. In the story, she doesn't die."
"Oh." Twilight slowly stretched. "I don't know. I think I need a break, anyway. Something to reset my brain..."
Starlight nodded. "You do that. Meanwhile, I need to rest my voice..."
Several hours later, both mares had returned to the repurposed reading room, a fresh tray of refreshments arrayed and the couch cushions neatly fluffed. The sun was sinking lower in the sky, and Starlight glanced apprehensively at it. "Are you sure you want to continue now? The next bit's kind of long. I might not have a good place to stop until well into the night."
Twilight shrugged. "I like the night. It's perfect for reading."
"Well, okay, then." Starlight glanced dubiously upward, as if searching for someone to agree with her that Twilight didn't know what she was getting into. "Actually, before we start, is there anything you need a refresher on, or anything I forgot to explain? I'm kind of figuring out how to tell this story as I go along, so, you know..."
"Actually, I was wondering about Arambai's machine," Twilight said with a nod. "I researched ways to make a non-pegasus fly once, but never looked that much into it. Then when I saw you flying when we were time traveling, I guess I just assumed it was some spell I didn't know, or some kind of trick or... I had bigger things to worry about at the time, okay!?" Slightly frazzled at the admittance of her own scientific shortcoming, she ran a hoof over her bangs, smoothing them. "But in the story, you made it sound really hard. Does that have anything to do with...?"
"With this?" Starlight asked. Her horn pulsed, and a moment later she was enveloped by a shimmering aura, rising a few feet off the ground. "Maybe. How alright are you with spoilers?"
Twilight's eyes went wide with horror. "No! No spoilers! You wouldn't dare!"
Starlight chuckled, returning to the ground. "I just told you Maple doesn't die, didn't I?"
"Okay, we're changing the subject." Twilight's face went rigid, indicating she would stand no argument on the matter. "Other questions! Umm... I assume it did, but since you never said, your horn stopped doing that burnout thing, right? I mean, I can't think of how you could do some of the stuff you've done if it hadn't. Did you ever find out what was causing that? From everything I know about unicorn biology, horns aren't supposed to react that badly to overuse..."
Starlight winked back smugly. "It did. I thought you didn't want any spoilers?"
"Aaack!" Shielding her head, Twilight ran into the next room, calling back, "No spoilers!"
Starlight considered pointing out that she would just tell her naturally as part of the story in a day or two, but bit back the comment. As fun as it was to tease the princess, she was grateful enough to Twilight for sitting and listening through all that that it didn't feel right to push it or risk going too far.
The conversation had started innocently enough. She and Twilight had been discussing magic while working on an experiment, and Starlight had made a casual remark about the differences between cutie mark magic and unicorn magic that Twilight had found interesting. The train of conversation had wound its way to Starlight's own mark, and Twilight had mentioned how ironic it seemed that a pony could have a cutie mark in not having cutie marks. She had asked how it was even possible to obtain such a mark, and if a seething hatred for the icons in general wouldn't just keep a pony blank indefinitely. The silence that had followed had been too awkward to pass without explanation.
Eventually, Twilight crept back, looking like she was preparing to assault an enemy encampment. Starlight greeted her with a friendly wave, as if nothing at all was wrong in the world.
"No spoilers," Twilight hissed warily.
"Then stop asking those kinds of questions." Starlight shrugged, picking up a cookie with her aura and tossing it into her mouth, munching. "Want me to keep going, then, or stop for the night?"
"No, hold on!" Twilight flailed slightly in protest, taking several deep breaths. "I've still got more questions! You mentioned Yakyakistan being known up there, right? I can't remember, were you here yet when the leader of the yaks came to Ponyville?"
Starlight nearly spat out her cookie. "You've met Flame Face? In Ponyville!?"
"Uhhh..." Twilight blushed sheepishly. "Who...?"
Starlight blinked momentarily, then snorted with realization. "Were they a prince?"
"Prince Rutherford..." Slowly, Twilight nodded, as if aware she was being drawn into a trap.
"Twilight, you do know that 'prince' is the title given to yak village chieftains, right? As in... the leaders of every small, outlying settlement ever?"
"Umm... no..." Twilight's embarrassed blush threatened to creep all the way to her ears. "Wait, are you serious? He threatened to declare war on us! Celestia herself said it was a big deal!"
"Beats me," Starlight said with a shrug. "The Yakyakistan I know has... well, no spoilers. But wait a minute." She leaned closer, eyes narrowing. "How much do you know about Equestrian foreign policy?"
Twilight leaned away. "How much should I know?" she asked cautiously.
"Well, you were Celestia's personal student." Starlight grabbed another cookie, taking a bite and speaking through it. "I figured she'd have taught you a lot about the olden world, to the north."
"Not really..." Twilight hung her head, unsure how to feel. "I mean, most of her lessons were about magic theory, and later guiding me to make friends. Wielding an Element of Harmony, becoming an alicorn, that stuff. And it was mostly just pushing me in the right direction. Honestly, I don't think I got an in-person lesson from her outside of mission briefings after I came to Ponyville. She mostly just... let me do my own thing, you know? All the academic rigor I had before that was just me reading."
"Huh..." Blinking, Starlight took another bite. "That's interesting. I guess you'll be going into this just as blind as I was."
"And what's that supposed to mean?" Twilight asked suspiciously.
Starlight smirked. "No spoilers."
"Arrgh! Starlight..." Twilight shielded her ears with a pillow, the peeked out from behind. "Look, maybe you should just start the story?"
"About time." Grinning, Starlight settled back on her own cushions, cleared her throat, and began. "It had stopped raining by the time the boat began to slow..."
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Nice! I was wondering if this story was a complete break from canon or filling in the blanks.
Twilight's asking many of the same questions I've had. Particularly regarding Yakyakistan. I'm expecting Starlight's return to Equestria will be thru there.
On to Ironridge!
NO SPOILERS!!!
Huh, that was rather interesting.
Also, side note: ŋ is the ng sound in sing
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Also, the sound it makes when you have a heart attack on TV.
I don't like this chapter and I wish I skipped it. Sorry.
Edit:
I know that it's between acts of the story, but to me it just sort of kills the atmosphere. Instead of "Starlight Glimmer going on an epic adventure - who knows what will happen?", it becomes "Starlight tells the story of her past." Suddenly, a lot of the mystery and suspense disappears because we already know what happens when Starlight returns to Equestria. That's the worst part of it, really. We see this amazing adventure that Starlight undertakes and the grand resolution of it all is... she becomes a dictator and brainwashes her townsponies and still hates cutie marks! One of the important, developing themes in the story has just been shot to hell - Starlight learning to accept cutie marks and what they represent about one's purpose and identity. The framing of the story changes from "what if Starlight had left Equestria (and ostensibly not started her equality cult) as a filly - how would she change compared to the Glimmer we know from this journey?" to "This is a story about Starlight Glimmer's childhood (i.e. eventually she returns to Equestria, starts her cult and has to be reformed by Twilight and now we're here)".
Plus telling us that Maple doesn't die is a huge spoiler in itself and is super lame.
Maybe I'll be okay with--or even like--the idea behind this chapter when we see the Act II-III interlude and there's a stronger foundation for this structure, but for now I'm more than a little disappointed.
8396446 All concerns I had while writing this, definitely. I can at least try to give the reasons I did it anyway, though.
The biggest purpose of doing a flash-forward is to be able to explain things that would otherwise turn into pointless, annoying "but why does" type plot questions related to where this AU does diverge from canon... because it definitely does. Things like Yakyakistan, which filly Starlight knows nothing about and probably won't be able to learn about for quite a while, or the fact that she can fly in canon, which I've gotten the impression from other stories that the fandom just doesn't remember in general. More and bigger things later, which could look like leads for major plot points that I don't want distracting from actual major plot points. Kind of like unavoidable red herrings. They're not so important right now, but I felt it would look even more awkward if I skipped this now and tried to do it later. And if I skipped these entirely, I run the risk of either writing myself into a corner or needing to pull some AU difference out of absolutely nowhere... but I haven't planned far enough ahead to know for sure.
In fact, I considered throwing some differences from established canon into this chapter to point out that this is still an AU, and only didn't for the same reason: I didn't want red herrings out there that weren't supposed to be. I still might do that in later interludes, but I felt its mere existence made this one swerve enough already and am pretty scared of overdoing it.
Regarding the framing, and the "inevitable" end: I can't say much because of spoilers, but it's not going to be nearly that simple. In the earliest drafts, the story was set primarily in the present (and also a fairly different AU), with the bits that are now TOW told through significantly-shortened flashbacks both to provide context and explanation to changes in the present and to be taken with those changes in mind. It's since changed significantly and lost that component entirely (or, at least, this chapter is what remains of it), but it was designed from concept to be told with that in mind, and (hopefully) still work... or even work better than if it stood alone. Would it have dropped that if it had gotten more than six months of drafting and planning before I even published the first chapter? Maybe... or maybe not. For all I know, there are just as many people who would be ticked waiting all the way to the end to find out it diverges from canon as there would be to find out it converges. I knew I couldn't please everyone, and this is just the way I chose to do it.
As for Maple... yeah, that was dumb. It's just the kind of thing that happens when you write a daily in a world where it's possible to miss a lot of sleep multiple nights in a row, spend days with many hours lost to travel, and all sorts of things that put you in no condition to write. I'm strongly considering going back and editing that bit of the conversation to put her fate back on the table, especially since large portions of this story are still unplanned or subject to heavy change from how they were in the draft, and her fate really shouldn't be sealed in either direction. I might even change more of this chapter, once the floodgates are open... If I do, it'll probably be fairly soon, and I'll make a blog post to let people know.
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Thank you for the detailed response. Your reasoning is, well, reasonable and I obviously can't argue that using a flash-forward to explain AU concepts isn't necessary when I have no idea what the counterfactual would be like, nor the greater surprises you have in store. For now, however, I do trust your assertion that this is the better and easier way of disclosing this information.
I'm glad that the canon convergence won't be as simple as I described. I think I kind of took a hard line approach/trajectory in the hopes that you would provide some reassurance that it wouldn't be the case, because an ending like that would really suck.
I'm also happy to hear that you're not closed to the idea of revising parts of the story if it's required. That's one thing I think daily stories in general could benefit from.
After your explanations, I'm willing to say that I'm content with this chapter, if still not entirely happy. I just wish the transition to this scene didn't feel so jarring; it's just so unlike the rest of the story that I'm immediately taken aback and overall just unsure of what to make of it.
So... I'm guessing the story will end with a happy ending, but at the last moment, Starlight will gain a CM; implying foundation of all PTSDs from adventures plus trigger of gaining a CM resulted in "The fall of Glimmer". Deficiency of call-outs and lack of Amber slaps probably didn't help.
Um... what? Starlight's CM is a falling star. Not sure how someone could jump to conclusion that it's an abstraction for a blank flankness.
Ah, classic Anime twist. But I sure hope there won't be "Dragon Emperor of all Dragon Lords on the planet".
This is Twilight we are talking about. Even if it is exotic legendary never-before-seen non-unicorn magic, she still would be able to copy it after seeing it just once.
That one demonstration would be enough.
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Right, Twilight's a prodigy and can copy most any horn spell with ease... so if she sees something she can't easily copy, she's going to assume it's a completely different kind of magic. Cutie mark magic, species magic, some kind of non-pony artifact... You can have the most versatile horn in the world, it'll still be apples to oranges. Starlight can do things Twilight can't just learn, so Twilight knows there's something different, and that it's cutie mark magic is her best guess. Using the show, for example, Twilight still has no idea how the Pinkie Sense even works, let alone how to use it herself.
Of course, none of that is saying Twilight's conclusion is right or wrong. That's just how she got to it. All Starlight said was that it was a long story.
Hmm.. I liked this.
It changed the question from "how does this change this version of Starlight?" to "Why did she still end up the way she did?"
I can see the start of the mindset with what Willow said to her on the docks.
Make it.
Such a simple pair of words.
Make it.
Evidently, she did, and just like in the heart world, it went bad.
....oh god no, while I thought this was maybe some sort of background story for how starlight turned into who she was, I kind of hoped she would keep living with Marple and not saying good bye and going back in the end to do exactly what the show already did.
Maybe it's the friendship student cuddlestudent thing that is going to happen to Twilight, but sometimes I didn't like it that they feel bad for everything, let themself be forced into a complete study of friendship and change a bigger part of their personality then necessary.
Very cool read so far. Decided this was a nice place to comment with this pretty interesting reveal that Starlight is telling a story to Twilight after their time traveling fight.
My only concern is if the time-traveling fight was under different circumstances in this story, or if Starlight was really still hung up on the whole cutiemark problem she had as a filly and never got past it, even after this whole adventure. It's an odd thing to think about.
Like it could work if it's written right, but at the same time, it would be a really hard thing to believe.
Anyways, I'm only getting started.
And now that arc 1 is complete, a more in-depth review.
This story is, overall, hit and miss for me. It's still good, don't get me wrong, but there are several moments where I feel as though I'm just along for the ride and not really getting much attachment.
I get all excited and interested in something and it never really comes up. The nature of the town was the biggest of these. The way it was built up it made it feel like it was some amazing, jaw-droppingly crazed secret... but what was really going on turned out to be underwhelming. A story that started as immensely tense survival ended up being mostly a bunch of slice of life in a strange little town. it was cute, it was fluff, but overall it didn't carry as much weight as the earlier section.
I think the problem comes, mainly, from the story being a daily updating thing. The pacing isn't sure what to do with itself. It jumps around wherever it feels interesting, creating many moments that go by way too fast alongside a lot of drudgery into random scenes that may not have much influence in the long run. I find it hard to really get to know most of the characters who aren't Starlight, even though the PoV does change.
And then there are the characters...
Sometimes, their responses test my suspension of disbelief. Would these mares really be willing to tell a little unicorn filly about their deepest secrets? Are they really that desperate to have her like them? They seem like perfectly ordinary and well-adjusted mares for the most part, except when they're around Starlight. It's as though the side characters have inconsistent characterization or responses that don't make much sense.
I'm not sure what to tell you here. It's like you have a million great ideas that never quite get capitalized on. Maybe we spend too much time in the village? Maybe there needed to be more time spent in the heads of other characters? Or maybe writing stuff ahead of time would have solved everything?
I don't know, exactly. What I do know is that this story's good moments are tarnished by oddball imperfections scattered around.
-GM, master of continuing reading.
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This is the kind of feedback I'm always looking for. Writing a daily has inherent weaknesses, like short-term pacing suffering at the whims of having good days and bad days, but it also has strengths, and the biggest of those is being able to incorporate reader feedback as early as the very next chapter without needing extensive edits or rewrites. I wish I had seen this two years ago, but I'm still glad to see it.
As for the nature of Riverfall, at least, the town's story hasn't finished playing out yet. Riverfall and Ironridge are two sides of the same coin, and everything that winds up at the end of the line in Riverfall - Sosan stallions, Arambai's harmony extractor - all got sent there for a reason, too. Riverfall isn't a self-contained story so much as an extended prologue for the next arc... At least, that was my intention in writing it. But there are a lot of plot threads still left open, and not just so they can dangle.
And the characters... They aren't normal mares at all. Maple is as open and trusting as she is because she has attachment issues, and her and Starlight's relationship is hardly a picture of something normal and healthy. On top of that, they were all raised in a society that has a completely different idea of how parenting and raising children works. And when Maple and Amber had to give up on their dreams of adventuring, they essentially turned away from their cutie marks. Seeing Starlight, who is practically from another world and reminds them heavily of what they used to love, is almost as electrifying for them as the Season 5 premiere where some of Starlight's ponies talked with the M6 in Sugar Belle's basement. I've spent a lot of time and effort keeping all the characters in TOW internally consistent to themselves, so that when they do something that doesn't make sense, it's usually an indication they've got something more going on... but in the end it's up to readers how well I succeed.
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I’m in agreement with this assessment. Still going to keep reading, but pacing, at this point, feels a bit off.
And this chapter answers the question I've had since the beginning; is this part of the canon-story, or not? Honestly, I'm glad it plays into the show--even an AU version of it. This is what I wanted when I went into the story; I wanted a background of who Starlight was, what she was doing, how she became who she grew up to be--and though a few people seemed to have been upset by this, I'm of the mindset of the Journey being more important than the destination. I can tell you this; I'm not watching Season 7 of the Clone Wars under the assumption that Anakin somehow doesn't turn into Darth Vader--I'm watching to see how exactly how it happened!
Now that I know what this story is, for certain, I can truly enjoy the parts where there's foreshadowing; to see the things that made Starlight a villain, how her ideology grows and corrupts as time goes on, to see that darkness creep into the things she'll do before then. And, now that I know Maple doesn't die, I can cross that off the list and wonder what exactly does happen to her! Did she have a falling out with Starlight? Did they leave on amicable terms, or were they forced to part ways from forces outside their control? Heh, either way, I'm eager to see how this all plays out.
Well I guess my speculation literally one chapter ago was pointless. Guess this is why you hold questions till the end of the lecture.
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But if you don't ask questions, how will you ever be able to say you called it if you're right?
Whoa, never expected Twilight to make an appearance like this!
Title drop, there it is!
This was a surprise! Though not, I must say, an especially welcome one. I am forced to agree with another commenter that the knowledge of how badly everything turns out in the end really puts a dent in the curious enjoyment I was getting out of this story. You said in a comment that it wouldn’t be so simple as all her arcs leading nowhere, and I trust you on that, but it still feels that way.
Amusingly, though, I also have positive feelings about this reveal for the exact opposite reason. Knowing that this is a prequel means that things do turn out okay; we see that here, with Starlight safe in Equestria talking with her teacher and future best friend (depending on how long after The Cutie Re-Mark this takes place). It ruins the mystery, yes, but it also provides some comfort.
On the whole, not what I would’ve preferred, but certainly not terrible.
Reread Edit:
Wow did my feelings on this change, and wow did the knowledge of the future create the worst sense of reading anxiety I've ever had. Ugh.
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I have mixed feelings about how I handled the reveal that this story eventually meets up with canon, but at the end of the day I'm not sure how possible it would be to fix the main issue of breaking the mystery on how things would turn out. I could have said it in the story description, but then you still would be without that mystery. I could have tried to keep it a secret until the very end, but then the sequel's existence would have become a meta-spoiler to people catching up once I published it. And most importantly, doing this gave me a venue to explore Twilight's reactions to the story in something resembling real time. Waiting until a present-day sequel to establish how she felt about some of the things I had planned didn't feel tenable to me at the time, and in hindsight, that assumption was probably a good one.
This also might just be a problem inherent to fanfiction. If I was writing original fiction instead, I could do a flash-forward to the present without giving the readers too much information about how things actually turned out. But it is what it is. I was a pretty inexperienced author when I wrote this part, and I'm still not sure what a perfect way to handle it is, so it's hard for me to be hard on myself about it. Hopefully it doesn't prove to be too much of a stumbling block to your enjoyment of the story.
i dunno it feels kinda shitty knowing she still turns into a dictator . i know a story is supposed to be about the journey and not the destination, but the journey becomes a LOT less appealing when you know the end result is the main character becoming an unlikable asshole . like theres this massive epic journey full of wonder and whimsy and character growth but we already know the end result is a petty, pathetic cartoon villain. its hard to find the motivation to read when we know her mindset on cutie marks is the exact same at the start of the story as it is in the show. makes the entire story feel hollow. ill assume youve planned for that and ill still read because its fun but just........ this reveal made it a little less fun.