Canterlot City has been the staging ground for many magical incidents in the past year and now it seems that it is only going to get worse. Stray magical energy is attaching itself to people with deep routed desires and turns them into dangerous monsters. The city appears helpless before the onslaught of the strange beasts and no one seems to be able to protect it.
That is until a newcomer arrives in Canterlot City. Someone with a family history deeply connected to magic and the fantastical. With an old family heirloom, he will try to turn the tides in the battle for the city.
He is Kamen Rider Alchemy!
First cover art by RamenDriver
New cover art by dot-emcee
Chapters (60)
I haven't read it yet, but I do know that Kamen Rider was one of the original Power Rangers, wasn't he? Or it, since I think it was a tv show?
Something like that. Kamen Rider is a Japanese TV-show that first aired in 1971 and is still going strong. It's made by the same company that makes Super Sentai, the show Power Rangers gets its footage from. Same genre but different shows.
Come to think of it, was this story inspired by Fullmetal Alchemist?
8867005
No, it was not. I have never watched the show, so any simularitys are by acidant.
Is Kamen Rider Alchemy a real Kamen Rider?
8905436
No. This is basically an OC Kamen Rider. I have just taken the concept behind Kamen Rider and written a story around it with my own characters and characters from MLP/EQG.
Brilliant LOL
8937235
Thanks, well I'm glad my attempts at humor actually work
8937239
You're welcome.
If the main OCs in this story were voiced, what would they sound like?
9033313
Hm, interesting question.
Let’s start with Phoenix. He generally speaks relatively relaxed, so not too fast but not too slow either. And he nearly always has a relatively light-hearted tone and speaks with a humorous undertone. Like the rest of the four, his voice is relatively normal, so not really rough or squeaky.
Ocean, on the other hand, speaks a bit faster, however not so fast that you would have trouble keeping up. If she is taking something serious she gets rather direct and to the point, also sounding more commanding. When she is not, however, she becomes more relaxed.
Thunder, oh boy Thunder. He overemphasizes words rather often and puts all his emotions in his words. If he is happy, you are going to notice it, if he is sad you will hear it. Generally, he speaks a bit louder than most people.
And last but not least Summer; she speaks very energetically and fasts. Her voice is somewhat infectious and good at getting someone in the right mood. Adding to this is that she has a very welcoming pleasant voice.
I hope this answered your question.
...I'm a tad bit confused as to what the aesthetics of Kamen Rider Alchemy, could you shine some light on this inquiry?
P.S. I like the story so far!
9059933
Funny thing is, I recently commissioned an artist to draw an actual image of the Rider for a new cover for the story and probably will revisit the description again when I have the image in front of me so it might work better.
But for now, I think the closed you could get is a mixture between Kuuga and W. Kuuga Rising Titan as an example how the golden ornaments look on the armor (more or less), and W from the general texture of the armor. The horns look similar to Gaim Kadchidoki-Arms's horns and the small cape he wears similar to Kamen rider Hearth. And shoulders and horns change aesthetic depending on the form he uses.
I hope I could answer your question and I'm very glad you enjoy the story so far.
9059948
fascinating!
9059956
Glad I could help.
So, first half of first chapter read. The story is kinda interesting, and sets up Kamen parts well enough that I am more intrigued than confused. Even though the only Kamen-like thing I've ever seen, read, or heard was Sailor Nothing. And I'm not even sure that was Kamen-related.
BUT! The style needs work. The egregious, ubiquitous comma splices are bad enough, but the miniscule, pointless, über-detailed descriptions completely break the flow.
And then, to top that off the story starts with not one but _two_ weather reports. The first thousand words are the most important ones and wasting them on weather is just... Wrong.
9078819
Fair enough and yes the weather report thing is relatively bad, I see that now. Would do it differently if I wrote this now. Especially the one at the school is exceptionally bad.
Yeah, I think I eventually cut down on those, but I'll definitely keep that in mind.
Thank you for your criticism.
And the fact that you are more intrigued the confused means that I didn't do everything completely wrong, I think.
Second chapter done.
Still pretty hard to read due to typos and comma splices. Dialogue reads... Very anime. Not very well translated one, but I can imagine these lines in some 70s Sentai, or low-budget 90s cartoon.
Though I must admit, I am absolutely not a fan of colored text.
The inclusion of Sunset tho... That was really pointless and artificial.
Nitpicks: Why did you change the spelling of "Alchemy" half-way through the chapter? Its weird. Also, Elements of Magic (a.k.a Friendship) are, obviously, Laughter, Kindness, Generosity, Loyalty and Honestly. Not Fire.
9080781
Yeah, really got to get back to older chapters and somewhat fix the mistakes I made.
Can feel that way right now, but ultimately will serve a purpose later
Ok, about that, no Alchemy's powers are not based on the Elements of Harmony and more along the lines of a spectrum of magic. So similar to light, there is normal light and that contains all wavelengths of light. red light has a specific composition, so does green light. Magic works here very similar, Fire is a specific part of the "true/complete magic", by splitting this magic you receive the different elements. And by combining these different elements of magic again you can create a Philosopher stone.
I must say, I am _absolutely_ not a fan of Mane girls having sudden self-denugrating fawning over the OC who, at that point, had hardly done anything other than inheriting a magical artifact through little personal effort.
That is not a good thing to have on MLP site.
9084533
Actually not what I was going for. I was more trying to keep her in-character. RB is the character, next to Twilight who fangirls the most over her personal heroes (Wonderbolts, Daring Do) and I thought when someone literally punches a monster through the city it would be enough to spark her interest. Might have overdone it with Sunset a bit though.
OK, so, maybe people who watched this specific brand of Kamen would know those things, but for me its very hard to appreciate what do all those Sentai attacks mean. Which is more powerful? How are they different? Why one works, but not the other? What can he do at all, and what are those seals and how do they work?
Standerson First Law -- for satisfactory plot resolutions, limitations are more important than powers.
9085399
Ok, I can explain that. The seals here are basically remotely triggered bombs. They stay in the place he struck and go only of when he activates them. And they worked because he laid a trap. Beforehand his attacks were just too slow to actually hit her. He used the fact that she didn't observe her surroundings properly and the fact that she got angrier the longer the fight actually lasted. After she had been weekend by the explosion he used the finisher to defeat her. I tried to show the powers and explain them through battle instead of sitting down and talking about them, trying to show what they can do naturally, but apparently, I did not pull it off. Definitely, something I have to keep in mind for later powers. Your feedback is really helpful.
9085433
I kinda get that, but it'd be nice if the story set it up before it becomes very plot relevant. I mean, if this was a introductory battle to demonstrate the abilities and the limitations of the Kamen Fire mode, then its OK. It could be a bit more specific, but its fine as a principle. But if every battle some new attack or ability comes up with no set up or explanation, then the battles themselves tend to become rather meaningless, because I, as a reader, have no way to adjudicate why something works or if the plan was actually clever, or if the situation or enemy is very dangerous or not
9085441
Makes sense, definitely valuable criticism. Thank you for giving me an actual goal on what parts I have to improve upon.
Ok, so I think a bit of the problem in this chapter and in general is that most scenes (the fight scenes notwithstanding) lack any conflict in them. It's just a sequence of events happening. And, fair enough, it's a logical sequence of events that mostly makes sense from the characters and world point of view, but it's... flat. As in, there's not much that is at stake, and no reason to be invested in what the characters say or do.
9087298
Ok, can see that. Thanks.
9091908
Sure, why not
Let’s start with Alkahest. His voice sounds relatively normal, not growly, not high-pitched, and just normal. He most of the time speaks with an annoyed undertone and gets quickly aggravated when something not goes his way.
Now his master. His voice sounds rather different. It echoes and has an ethereal quality to it, like it is not from this world. Add to that his voice is rather growly and he is always aggravated.
And last but not least, Cerberus. His voice is powerful and demands attention. When he starts speaking everyone else in the room stops and looks towards him. His voice is rather deep and growly, so in a way rather intimidating.
So... This chapter is mostly a fight scene.
I liked the beginning which is sort of like Superman working with/for Lex Luthor, which is interesting. It could be a cute deconstruction of the trope, but I feel that this is not where this fic is going.
Other than that.. I think fight scene has, again, a touch to much focus on the specific play by play of who kicked whom in which part of the body, and a bit of insufficient focus on an emotion. This reads a bit more like a description of a visual scene one would see in a sentai or anime, without accounting for a difference in medium.
9092841
I think I tried to incorporate that in later chapters. Question is if I actually succeeded.
See, this is a prime example of what I mentioned. Yes, it makes sense for Phoenix to explain those things to Thunder and Summer, but as a reader, I've literally just witnessed it. I do not need a recap.
There is no literary point to this conversation and to this paragraph.
On a more general, and unrelated note, 90% of dialogue is just banter. Again, sure, it moved the plot as necessary, and even shows off character, which, honestly, is very commendable, its all one note. Partly due to that, and partly because of the style, everybody seems to talk the same way. I guess Rainbow Dash is a bit distinct, and maaaybe Thorax, especially as the cliche evil guy 9000 in the intermission, but everybody else talks the exact same way.
I liked the way they found the shoe-stealing monster. That was good deductive thinking, with the situation set up so that it could be resolved through straightforward detectiving.
9093347
True, I have to keep that in mind.
I'm actually trying to do that, but apparently, I did not pull it off. Probably have to exaggerate more, or at least diversify the speech-patterns
OH! SO THAT'S What HE looks like! Awesome design Dude!
9107095
Thanks.
There's a festival!? ...Hey Silver Quill, I think that we found your next drinking game!
9110398
And now I'm kicking myself in the but for not including that joke
I fail at comedy
What Chudojogurt said.
Interesting concepts and ideas, but horrible executions and awful grammar. Everyone speaks so unnaturally, it almost feels like this was written by a foreign man who just barely understands English.
No offense. (HA! And this is in the Equestria Girls universe.)
But yeah. I hope it improves as the story goes on.n
9119927
Fair enough
Ok, another chapter of mostly blow-for-blow fights. A lot of misspelling (sometimes unintentionally hilarious, like "furry of blows" somewhere.
Another new Disk Mode, that gives little reason why it activated now, or how it's different or better from others. Usually you'd expect new abilities somehow coincide with the development of plot or characters, but I can't find it here.
Also - a lot of hedging words. "Almost", "seems" etc. They're unnecessary, padding and break the mood.
Haven't read the chapter yet, but like Phoenix's interaction with Rarity scans as quite creepy.
Also, this is at least a third time you describe the girls' appearances. This is entirely unnecessary.
9136075
Huh, funny, in a later chapter I actually put a joke in that pokes fun at that. Someone giving a snarky comment and he basically reacting with: "Eww, just no!"So, don't worry, not going in that direction.
a new rider...... reminds me of kamen rider beast for some reason.... meaner........... and a lot less mayo.
9146794
So, name change.
Fun fact, the idea for this has been in my head for a while, even at the point where I hadn't watched Wizard. And the name for the guy was, I shit you not, Kamen Rider Beast. Well, that was quite the surprise as I found out that the guy already existed
But don't worry, they guy is nothing like Nito, I assure you that.
Despite popular demand, Crystal Rainbooms was eventually retired in favor of classic Rainbooms.
"And if you're here looking for RJ, I already told your friends that's Jungle Karma Pizzeria down the road."
Oh no, Thunder is secretly a pizza themed supervillain!
Only a month? They must be slipping.
"This has been plot convenience news, providing news related to the plot since Amazons Attack."
Change Industries was considerably more successful than its predecessor, Keep Everything The Same Industries.
Well he's not helping, someone call the Rainbooms, this is their turf anyway.
Oh yay, its a monster version of Firebrand from Battle for Bludhaven with a God Complex.
This new sequel to Full Metal Alchemist is weird, still better than the live action movie.
Good first chapter, I look forward to reading more.
9198797
Yeah, they just didn't catch on. A shame really, but maybe they will make a comeback at one point.
Yeah, since Jungle Fury is my favorite season of PR I just had to include a reference to it
Damit, how did you find out?
Well, only the best service in the business am I right?
Well, not this time
That reminds me, I have to rewatch that episode again, it has been far too long since I last saw it. By the way, your inner Linkara is slipping out
Thanks, just a little warning. I recently went through the first few chapters again and corrected most of the grammar mistakes I made, everything after that is still rather rough on that front, so be warned.
9198831 Eh, no one's perfect on the grammar thing, you've got a good solid plot here and I look forward to seeing where it goes. And snarking on it of course, gotta get you back for all the snark you've directed at my Tokusatsu fics.
I'm glad I found this though, I've commissioned a picture of Kamen Rider Justice from the same artist who did your cover.
9198917
True, still, I bought the premium version so I should probably use it ^^ Really have to get back to fixing more stuff.
I wouldn't want it any other way
Oh yeah, his stuff is good an cheap. Probably will commission two more pics from him soon as well. The cover, however, will change again soon. Wanted something more than just the Rider.
9198930 I'm currently on chapter 3, I'll go back and comment on chapter 2 in a bit.
And yeah, I look forward to the pic, I've still got three more I'll need to commission down the line.
Wow, you have weird expectations for what its like to transform.
Yep, definitely Firebrand with a god complex.
Well gee, its a good thing you won't be doing anything that would require physical fitness like fighting monsters... oh wait!
Hey Pharynx.
Also calling it, Villain, she is way too nice to be a CEO.
You know I'd make another plot convenience news joke, but they did already know the monster is attacking there so, you win this one plot convenience news.
Another superhero's identity accidentally revealed by not paying attention to who was around them.
Yay, Sunset Shimmer!
Okay, this is not snark, its more of a nitpick. Why do you call it a Katana when the attack is called Flame Saber? They're two different types of swords.
Right, you and Boris, and that went real well for him.
42! The Kool-Aid Man is Red!
Okay, points for giving him an alchemy related name, especially if you meant Fool's Gold.
Darn it Summer, making snarky jokes is my job, you're ruining the whole system!
So, uh, question, what did these ancient equestrian warriors ride on? I mean if they were ponies they couldn't ride horses... or do you explain this later?
That's why you need to make sure you read your contract carefully Phoenix, you might wind up being the butt of everyone's jokes.
Still going strong, but this fic needs a lot of editing to fix some of the spelling and word problems.