Sunset Shimmer lost all hope in her friends. After all, being turned on so quickly for something that wasn't even your fault has severe backlash. Attempting to leave, she's desperate to find solace. Instead she finds someone she can rely on. The question is whether things will change or not.
Warning: has very dark elements such as self-harm and depression. Be wary and avoid if this is not for you.
First.
Anon-A-Miss is already a really artificial premise, but positioning Sunset Shimmer this way (as a girl driven into the arms of a complete stranger out of desperation) highlights especially how artificial it is. I know that this is a low point for her, but she’s still Sunset Shimmer: she’s self-assured and independent, even when she’s hurting, and probably shrewd enough to not jump into a car with a charming stranger who offered her a hot meal and a shower.
Do they not have stranger danger in Equestria?
To keep it short, I don’t really see this premise panning out. At least, not within the vague timeframe that you’re working with. If she’s been on the street for a while, then... maybe? But as far as I can tell, this whole chapter takes place in a single day.
So, yeah. This ain’t doin’ it for me.
Got some technical notes below:
This really isn’t the best way to show the passage of time between scenes. It’s not even relevant to the scene you’re writing to indicate how much time has passed, and the context from the scene itself (they were eating an early dinner at the mall) indicates the passage of time well enough.
I don’t know if “pale” is a good descriptor of Sunset. Unless you’re trying to indicate that she’s blanched and sickly, because she’s been living on the street for a long time now, and her scraped knee has become infected?
That would be a good place to indicate the passage of time. Again, as far as I know, it’s still “fuckin’ Christmas.”
Were they bright, or dim? I get what you’re trying to say, but you’ve phrased it inelegantly.
Why not? I mean, he said it kinda awkwardly, but when you find a sick homeless girl bleeding in an alley, “what’s your name?” isn’t the worst question to ask. Dude acts like he just asked Sunset if the carpet matches the drapes.
Please do not use a quoted ellipsis to indicate that a character did not say anything. You’re not writing a visual novel.
Coral did not just call my main man Yeats “cringe.” I’m slouchin’ toward his apartment to rough-beast a homie up.
why is the first chapter dated 17th Apr 2020 if this was published 12 hours ago (at the time of writing this)
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Maybe the author wrote it on fimfic for a while before publishing the fic.
I Hope This story don't die like the majority
me too
Nice! Loveing this so far
Looks promising, hope to see more.
Glad sunset made a frined
YO FUCK YEA IM SO GLAD YOU ARE BACK NOW I CAN BE ACTIVE HERE AGAIN HOPE TO SEE MORE OF YOUR STORIES! and please reupload the war ones those were great :(
Good start to an interesting story. Hope it will update shy. Take care.
would be hilarious if anon updated while they're arguing. AJ and Dash are too stubborn and dumb though, Pinkie and Shy goes in to apologize
So far so good. Not many anon a miss stories have someone by her side through the whole thing.
Don't stop, Please
lol, Coral told them XD, awesome chapter
I think the Rainbooms are the ones that are causing the Chaos and feeding it with their demon siblings. I quote one of my favorite Primarchs Sanguinius. “There are more things in the darkness than man can ever count.” Sanguinius
Just found this story... bitch of a cliffhanger!
Thank god!
(Yeah, they stalked them to his house and are now causing active problems... getting the cops involved is a very real possibility.)
A nearby taxi? LOL
Most convinent that.
Idiots! you did good
Update!! Nice one.
Unfortunately sometimes you can't undo what you did and all you can do is try to make it right.
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You mean you CAN'T undo what you done, and all you can do is try to make it right.
I hope that this makes Celestia try even harder to find the culprits behind Anon A Miss, and really hope they are punished harshly no detention but suspension maybe even expulsion.
For the ones who gave secrets away suspensions and best yet have the parents informed.
They can deal with them personally.
"what goes around comes around." Since the Rainboomers attacked Sunset Shimmer who is innocent I think they will get the worst of it including the three even Applebloom the new bitch.
Those brats know your best friends better than you do Sunset.so easy to manipulate.
Fluttershy is too inocent for all of this, she is going to be forgiven.
This is just sad
I hope nothing serious and you heal soon.
I think that, if someone is to be forgiven and maybe start a friendship from scratch, it should be Fluttershy, especially if she does her part to find out who is the real culprit, even when the others tell her otherwise and threaten to leave her. your friendship if you insist on defending Sunset. Fluttershy took off her blindfold and she won't make the same mistake, I hope.
I have been on the receiving end of bullying and cyber bullying but I became the better person and those bullies and cyber bullies can kiss my ass because I became better than them
I'm starting to think that Rainbow trash and her friends aside from Fluttershy are blind to the past of Sunset Shimmer's bad deeds and I know that is going to come back and bite them in the ass.
They are really going to regret the fact they threw away her trust in them when the truth comes out. Especially since fluttershy realize that she wasn't guilty and worked on earning back her trust.
1 down, 4 to go.
Hope things get better
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I know without a shadow of a doubt it will happen. As the song says: It’s not a matter of luck, it’s just a matter of time.
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yup. that is true
Two updates! Wooh!
Question, am I wrong if I say that possibly Sunset and Fluttershy will be a couple? Taking into account that there are the labels "romance", "drama" and "sad". Of course that could also apply to Coral, but at the moment I'm seeing him more as an older brother. Now on the other hand, I fear that the girls will ruin what Fluttershy is achieving by following her at some point, although it would be the perfect time for Fluttershy to stand up and defend Sunset. So many possibilities, it will be interesting to see what happens.
He seems like a good kid. He is written pretty good so far.
Way to tell them coral. Now it's time you showed them the door after them showing your door to you
Well I hope sunset and coral figure things out. Personally I think they make a good team. Maybe eventually a good couple.
Because it's Pinkie I'm picturing her literally diving into the boxes and then popping her head out.
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That’s EXACTLY what I was going for, THANK YOU
I am shipping Coral and Sunset, goo team. Thabks for the update
Awesome chapters, I love lemon zest, hope she and Sunset become friends
Apparently pinkie is getting some sense in her head.
Yay thanks for the update
One suggestion I’d like to make is to just use ‘Sunset’ instead of the full ‘Sunset Shimmer’, for example
To me that ‘feels’ better, but I’m still enjoying the story regardless!