Read I am not what I think I am

Rejecting

And today, we observe a story with such stilted writing I struggled to understand what on earth it was about at times.

I Am Not What I Think I Am might be about a town that's twinned with Equal Town, but between it only getting about two thousand words worth of story and most of those words being very, very weird, I couldn't tell you what it was about had I not read the description.

The main characters begin on a train, I think, but on said train they are being talked at by someone, for some reason:

"Aren't the orators that go around shouting 'I got these wounds by defending the State, this eyes was lost for your sake, now pay attention to me, as my severed knuckles do not allow me to stand for long' moved by the same forces of wrath? At least they would tolerable, if they actually taught eloquence and history. But, no, they just bring their pupils beyond the Ethereal spheres with just their heads! As soon as they go to do their jobs, they start to fill everything they say and do with empty air and pointless bells! Everything the young ones learn is nothing current, but either tyrants enslaving all the lower society with an edict, or cures to plagues involving virgins that get burned to death and then used as flour in Princess Celestia's cakes; bullshit, sometimes sugarcoated with the honey of the words, sometimes with the pepper and poppy seeds of the quotes. Who feeds his mind with these things cannot become anymore wiser than a cook can smell."

Not only does the above look like what someone would say if they were trying to be eloquent without actually understanding how people should sound, but I have no idea what this guy is doing on a train, why he's talking to Twilight, what he's talking about... It's a surreal opening to a story I knew upon sight I was going to have difficulty with.

There are technical errors that abound such as grammar and the odd missing space, too, but really, the thing that jumped out at me most was how the characters don't feel like how they should sound.

"Dash, please give me another, for this one is empty."

"We shall talk about it when we return from that place..."

When we reached the gates of the city, we were greeted by a strong mixture of all kinds of smells, from the heavenly perfumes to the most foul stench, which caused me and everybody else but Pinkie to flinch back.

I assume this is Twilight narrating here. This does not sound like Twilight. Nothing sounds like it should be narrated by anyone, to be frank.

It shall be done, also because retrieving her is impossible now.

In fact, so much of what people say sounds stilted and wrong:

How’s that possible? Is it just because I have long eyelashes? Is it because I wear makeup? Is it because my voice is feminine? Is it because I wear socks? Is it because I don’t have a sheath nor balls?

There's the odd paragraphing issue, but really, the main reason I'm rejecting this is because thus far, there is no story. They've arrived in a town, and that is it. I could spend more time ranting about the many issues and odd and uncomfortable choices that litter this story, from the behaviour and attitudes of the characters to the choice of ending the prologue on what I believe was supposed to be 'humour', or in fact the presence of a prologue at all, since it brings nothing to the story thus far, but if the story isn't progressed enough that it doesn't have any conflict, I see no reason to go on.

Reading: What The Heart Wants

5081153
From the odd phrasing, I'd suspect English is not the writer's native language.

5083223 I would suspect something similar, but then again, I have been wrong before. Who knows? I checked the guy's page and didn't get any clues, so it's really anyone's guess.

Besides, native speaker or no, stuff like

They explained to They explained to her

should probs have been caught.

Reviewed Cross Transfer Traffic

Rejecting

but- even weeks ater he transfer- she otherwise wearing her old Crystal Prep uniform.

It's always a good idea to have a strong opening paragraph. The above is not a fine example. Here is the third paragraph:

The population of the yard, at that hour of the day, was composed by four early bird students sitting on the grass or on the small steps of the entrance. They all were either reading or toying around with their phones, the only actual birds visible in the area begin crowds and pidgeons roosting over the windows' cornices and on the flagpoles.

I quickly realized that this story would be one of those that could have greatly benefited from an editor or, at the very least, a proofreader. The writing often feels stilted and just plain incorrect at times, making for a difficult read.

The story also starts abruptly, with Twilight and Applejack seeing a 'tall grey skinned boy wearing black trousers and a dark gray t-shirt with a huge thermometer printed on the front' walk towards them. Naturally, at seeing this, they get all antsy and anxious, because Quicksilver (that's his name) was supposed to be dead. It's rather abrupt and really just consists of two characters gaping for a second and saying 'OMG, why are you not corpse?'. Well, not quite that bad, but I still feel in terms of beginnings, it was pretty choppy.

We have more wonky writing, of course:

"But, then again, I could be wrong. Maybe it's just me not remember much of my past."

He isn't definitely the guy I used to know!

There's another problem. Now, I'm terrible at remembering secondary characters, but after asking around and delving into the depths of the EG wiki, I couldn't find any mention of 'Quicksilver'. Now, whilst I would be very prepared to accept the show assuming we know his behaviour if I could, since I can't find any record of him existing, I don't think I can. The story features Twilight saying things about his behaviour as if we've seen it before, but as far as I can tell, we haven't, and it's like reading a crossover without understanding the source material.

I may be mistaken, but it was a big problem for me. The story shouldn't assume we know what he acts like and should show us how he behaves. Instead, Twilight just tells us, and it's pretty uncomfortable.

Finally, the story has barely progressed at all, and when I got to the end of the second chapter, I still didn't really have much clue of where it was going. Based on all of the above, I feel that this is a pretty solid rejection.

5089257
This sounds like an example of the author only writing down half of the conversation they were having in their head.

I had a friend like that a few years ago. He would start the conversation in the middle of a thought: "...and after that we need to go get some groceries."

Me: "After what?"

Him: "After we get gas for the car! Weren't you listening?!"

It was very frustrating, and no matter how many times I pointed out what he was doing, he thought I was the crazy one.

I've seen quite a few writers making this mistake. I'm currently involved with a Rage review where the author has a clear view of his/her ideas, but it's very frustrating to read as the ideas are not clearly expressed in the story.

Reviewing: What The Heart Wants

Read: All

Status: Accepted

This is another example of a solid story with less than stellar technique. The mechanics are sound, but the redundancy can be off-putting.

Here we have an alternate view of Octavia, where she is not simply a cellist but also an assassin. I've read other stories with this setup, and they were all dreadful. That's not the case here. The focus of the story is not some adolescent fantasy that makes her into a badass, but the struggle she endures as she tries to balance what her cutie mark determines against what her family expects.

In this fine example of world building, Octavia is the unexpected ( and unwanted ) Earth pony daughter born to Unicorn parents. Her father not only wanted a Unicorn, but also a son, so he molds her into his image as best he can. When she gets her cutie mark in music, both parents are livid, but continue to force her to follow "the family business." This makes for some genuine pathos on the part of Octavia, and what makes this an interesting read.

As stated earlier, this tale does have problem with redundancy: we're told over and over again how Octavia strives to balance her father's wishes against her love of music. This story could have been a few hundred words shorter if the author had simply made the point once and moved on. However, the tale then takes the unexpected turn of throwing Vinyl into the mix. Here, they are simply friends, which I must say is a refreshing change, as I get oh so tired of authors constantly writing them as a couple. The tension then builds as it's not clear what Octavia's actions will be once she encounters her roommate at the pivotal moment, and the tale ends with some unanswered questions. I like stories that are not always tied up in a bow, that leave part of the ending to the reader's imagination.

All in all, the Octavia we meet here is not from canon, but an interesting character regardless.

5091949 That's why I always read it to myself aloud. Very little gaps in logic get by you if you read it to yourself aloud after letting it sit for a week.

5091970 Just an f.y.i.; the "follow-up story" Render Unto Them Wubs was also accepted a while back. (both highly underrated in my opinion)

Here's my second shot!

Story: Breakneck Fantasy

Status: Accepting

Breakneck Fantasy is definitely a padded story, but it manages to win by default by giving us a sip of satisfying emotion and details. Though as cheesy as it is, that's just a way of balancing the story out. Deep and compelling, we get a glimpse at a Scootaloo who never earned the cutie mark she believed was meant for her.

In this story, Scootaloo, the filly longing to fly, gets a wrench as a cutie mark and seems to treat it as if it were a curse. Because of this, Scootaloo's own morals seem to be low, so it angers her friends to see that Scootaloo is disappointed in something that she had finally achieved. So what does she do about it?

Eight months later, Scootaloo stood on the railings of the Princesses Watch over Canterlot. She could feel sweat beading under her wool collar, and, of all things, her wings itched. She shifted her hooves in the tiniest ways to keep her balance as the wind clawed at her, trying to tear her away.

A moment later, finally ready, Scootaloo let it take her.

There was a split second where Scootaloo wondered. Not about anything in particular. Just... being there. In the sky. Truly alone, with nothing to hold on to. Nothing to believe in but herself.

This was flying.

There's a thing called taking a leap of faith. If this invention of hers doesn't work, then what's the point in her having a cutie mark? She'll drop like a rock in water and hit the ground. In a way, this leap from the tower means everything to the story because it shows that Scootaloo is willing to go as far as nearly killing herself just to succeed.

While most of what I have to say about the story is good, there's that chess piece that gets knocked over immediately.

"YEAH! YEAH, YEAH, YEAH! WHACHU' GOT, WORLD?"

"MY NAME IS SCOOTALOO, AND I FREAKING WIN!"

As impressive as the few hundred words were, that was... extremely cheesy. I get that it fits her character, but just... yeah. The ending is good, it's just those final pieces of dialogue that's just not likable. But the ending is immediately rescued by a quote.

"...until the fear of death is overcome by the love of speed."

I thought I got this at first, but the author quoted it to me, it turns out that the name of the chapter is apart of the quote.

"Faster and faster, until the fear of death is overcome by the love of speed." - Hunter S. Thompson.

Reading: The Heart of Worlds

Story: The World Within the Web, by Lord Max.

Rating: 9.75/10

Status: accepted

“On this day I would declare myself for the Six Who Are One.
Let me give Kindness when there is only hate.
Let me show Loyalty to all who I call friend.
Let me be Honest to cut through the lies.
Let me have Generosity when I have nothing left to give.
Let me know Laughter when only darkness remains.
And let me see the one Magic that unites us all.

“Through day and night, through sun and moon,
let me follow the One True Path.
On this day I pledge my life to the Collective,
for the ten thousand trials and triumphs to come.

“Six and One.”

Now that I have your attention... This story is original, and I don't just mean "original fanfiction." If this story became a published book, it would be praised for its originality. I don't think I need to explain how rare that is.

This story is not about Equestria, but rather a universe entirely of the author's making, a high fantasy world based on the internet with websites as nations, fandoms as powerful factions within those nations or city states onto themselves, and internet dramas as bloody wars. One of those fandoms is the Brony Collective, a religious order devoted to serving the Six Friends Who Are One. This story revolves around a few select members of that collective who are forced to travel to the Deviant Isles to prove their fandom innocent of a murder lest the Authority strike them down. If that doesn't sound awesome there is clearly something wrong with you.

The story itself can be split into two parts, with some of each in every chapter. The first part is the usual 3rd-person-limited-omniscient-past-tense prose, a favorite format among skilled writers and executed masterfully in this case. The second is a series of excerpts from in-universe texts. These can range from histories and historical documents written by prominent Brony leaders to prayers and oaths to holy scripture praising the Six. I found both absolutely fascinating, although some might find the second half obtrusive.

If there's anything that can be said against this story, it is the following. It requires more investment than a fanfiction because, despite its presence on this site, it reads far more like a published novel set entirely in its own world. In fact, if it weren't for Trademark than it probably would get published and make a lot of money. I know I'd buy it. However, that means it takes a little more time to get into than usual, which could turn off some readers.

Finally, this story is criminally obscure, with a mere 134 views and a like/dislike ratio of 21/3 at the time of this review despite having several chapters under its belt. So please, go give it a read. I promise you will not be disappointed.

P.S. Haphazard, if you read it and agree I think this one should go in the high quality folder.

Reviewing: The Heart of Worlds

Read: One and a half chapters

Status: Rejected

This dreck was so painful to read I could only manage as much as I did. Let's start with that description:

(A MLP and W.I.T.C.H crossover)

Twilight has been having nightmares of late. Visons of four young mares trapped within the four elements of nature: Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire. The one constant in these nightmares is a voice that tells her to protect the heart. One day, she finds a young mare with the power over lighting, but without a clue to where she comes from. Just a name, Will.

The returns of an old enemy heralds a looming threat and a darkness that will eclipse them all. What is the connection between them, and what is the link between the mare and the visions.

What is the heart of worlds.

It's always a bad sign when you have misspelled words right at the start, unless something else is meant by "visons." Second, let's look at that clunky phrasing:

One day, she finds a young mare with the power over lighting, but without a clue to where she comes from. Just a name, Will.

The "she" who finds the young mare is Twilight, but who is it "without a clue to (sic) where she comes from?" Twilight or the young mare? "Will" is an odd name for a pony, let alone a female, and I suspect this is probably a reference to the source material.

Finally, Punctuation Is Important: where are the question marks for the last two sentences?

These errors and faulty writing techniques in the description are just a harbinger of the same within the story.

Chapter one's title begins with another misspelled word, which makes me wonder what was the point of having a proofreader, if he or she allowed so many errors to get through? It's "ambivalence," not "ambivance." Looking ahead, I saw inconsistency with the chapter names; some were capitalized, some weren't. Pick one method and stick to it, not both. As far as the story itself I can forgive a few technical errors and bad spelling IF the tale itself is compelling. That's not the case here.

This is an ambitious effort that would probably make more sense if the writer had bothered to give some background regarding the source material, on the "off chance" fans of My Little Pony wouldn't know a thing about "W.I.T.C.H." Gotta keep those bases covered.

Some problems with chapter one:

Twilight found herself stuck in an empty void of blackness, surrounded by four lights each one a different color; red, green,blue, and white.

“Protect!” Called a voice.

“Protect,” the alicorn asked, looking left and right, “Protect who? What?”

“Protect,” the voice said, becoming a bright light in the distance, while the four lights began to dissipate, “Please princess protect...”

“Protect who?” Twilight asked, running towards the bright pink light.

“Protect the heart, please Princess Twilight, protect the heart!” Pleaded the voice.

“The heart?” Asked Twilight, arching an eyebrow, “What heart? Do you mean the crystal heart? A heart of the pony? How do you know who I am?”

“Protect her, she can’t save them, without you,” the voice faded.

“Who? What are you? How do you know who I am?”Asked Twilight, as a pair of dark yellow eyes appeared.

“Do not worry, Princess,” the voice behind the eyes chuckled, the yellow eyes becoming slitted and dragon like. “I’ll keep the heart safe, for a while.”

“What?” Twilight asked before becoming enveloped in fire.

(1) There should be a comma between "surrounded by four lights" and "each one a different color." Those are two different clauses, and a mistake this author frequently makes.

(2) I'm really sick of seeing this one: “Protect!” Called a voice. "Called" shouldn't be capitalized, and neither should "asked," nor "pleaded." Errors like these really get on my nerves, for I have to ask how much reading the author did before trying to write a story? And if the author did do a lot of reading, how many times did he or she see dialogue like that? If the answer is "not often," then WHY make those errors? Take some time and read Ezn's guide on Dialogue. It's not that difficult.

(3) More clunky phrasing with odd tense shifts: “Do not worry, Princess,” the voice behind the eyes chuckled, the yellow eyes becoming slitted and dragon like. “I’ll keep the heart safe, for a while.”

That should have been written: "Do not worry, Princess," the voice chuckled. The voice's yellow eyes became slitted and dragon-like. "I'll keep the heart safe...for a while."

This tale is rife with these errors, and hence my inability to continue. Pass.

Story: Back to the Past, by Onomonopia.

Rating: 9.5/10.

Status: accepted.

This is what a Samurai Jack crossover done right looks like. For those of you who don't know, Samurai Jack was a rather unusual (and popular) animated TV series that aired in the early 2000's. It centered around a tragic hero called (not named) Jack, who, well, his opponent said it best:

"Long ago in a distant land, I, Aku, the shape shifting master of darkness, unleashed an unspeakable evil. But a foolish samurai warrior wielding a magic sword stepped forth to oppose me. (sounds of Jack's katana slashing Aku) Before the final blow was struck, I tore open a portal in time, and flung him into the future, where my evil is law. Now the fool seeks to return to the past, and undo the future that is Aku."

This story captured the tone of the series perfectly. Jack's hope, despair, frustration, and temptation are the focus of the writing,, with Applejack and Equestria serving as a foil that Aku's post apocalyptic future could not provide. Every time Jack almost makes it home and is forced to give up his goal to help another tears at the heart. The real thing that makes this story worth reading however, is that unlike Aku's world, Equestria is able to tempt Jack to possibly give up his quest, prompting him to consider what motivates him in the first place. Finally, while I won't spoil the ending, it is guaranteed to hurt. In fact, the author might have ended up lynched if it weren't for that very last chapter.

I should point out to those of you who are familiar with this author's other works that the prose is excellent, a far cry from the stilted sentences put forth in his Hulk story, for example. Whether this is due to a good editor or improved writing skills is unknown, but it should be much more pleasant on the eyes.

This is Samurai Jack in Equestria. If that sounds interesting, go check it out.

5102135

For those of you who don't know, Samurai Jack was a rather (unusual and popular) animated TV series that aired in the early 2000's.

I am so hyped that it's coming back.

From the video's description:

JACK IS BACK. Creator and executive producer Genndy Tartakovsky continues the epic story of Samurai Jack with a new season that will premiere on Adult Swim’s Toonami block in 2016.

5102234 I'm waiting for the first episode to come out before I board the hype train. Teen Titans Go has made me wary of stuff like this.

5102265
I'm going to remain recklessly optimistic, simply because it's apparently going to be a new season of the original show, not a new adaptation.

Also, unlike TTG, it's being worked on by its original creator, Genndy Tartakovsky.

5102265 Agreed. Same goes for Powerpuff girls.

We have had some exceptionally good reboots in the 2010s though. Aside from the show this very site is dedicated to, there has been TMNT and Thundercats.

5089257

Aaawww...

Well, guess this had to be expected. You see, when it had been originally written, the first chapter was written very differently and the plot had gone further ahead.

"Why is this so messed up, then?" you might ask.

It is simple: the chapters alternated between Twilight's POV and the allegedly dead character's POV. Mid-way writing the fifth chapter, I figured that giving one of the main twists right away and rely only on dramatic irony to keep going wasn't going to work, and that was why people were not reading this story. So I unpublished and re-wrote the first and second chapter, but then left when I didn't gather any more interest.

It's still a rejection alright, but I just wanted to explain most of my faults.

5105782 Yeah, that can often happen when the story isn't written a fair bit before publishing. It's actually much harder to go back and change things once it's already out in the open.

Reviewing: Anxiety

Read: All

Status: Accepted

Now this was a dark, disturbing journey, all the more so because Spike's struggle hits so close to home.

Here, the author has taken the incident with Spike believing himself to be rejected by Twilight in the episode The Crystal Empire to an even darker place. It has been several weeks since the incident, and now Spike is having nightmares about that time. Worse, he's being beaten up by an inner voice that not only taunts him about Twilight rejecting him, it also points out every, single one of his various faults over the years. Nothing is left untaunted: his crush on Rarity. The time his dragon greed got the best of him. The time he went on his quest, and saw how other dragons behaved. His inability to relate to his own kind. The voice is relentless, and the worse part? The voice is his own.

I can certainly relate to the self-doubts our little buddy endures, which makes this tale all the more poignant. I found myself holding my breath as I read Spike struggle for days as he tries to deal with his trials while attempting to keep Twilight from knowing. And that's the worse part of this tale, for the reader will feel that anxiety building within Spike as it gets worse and worse each day, to the point where it becomes unbearable.

But then the author opens the door to hope, just a crack at first, but then flings it wide. Does Spike become cured at the end? No...no not really. But he's shown he's not alone in his struggle and self-doubts, and he's given enough help to keep going.

That's the greatest take-away from this tale: no matter what your struggle, whatever you have to do, Don't Give Up. True friends will stay at your side, warts and all. That is the essence of hope.

5102135 Well consider me a happy camper... since I putted the story in the submissions folder in the first place...

A Candle in the Sky

Accepting

You know it's a good story when you make ROBCakeran53 cry.
(Seriously, just dig through the comments and you'll see his)

This was a unique and magnificent story. The author balances out similes and metaphors well, like he was actually trying to connect with us about what the story truly means.

Going back to the comments, we find that the reason the author wrote this was because of some problems with his grandfather. I'm not the one known for loss, but I understood what this story meant on an emotional level. The story by itself is deep and compelling with the way it's told. Apple Bloom wakes up to find that Granny Smith is younger, and she keeps getting younger throughout the story. Now, Apple Bloom already gets it. This is the last night she'll get to spend with Granny. The best she can do right now is make the most of it.

I'm not going to spoil anything, but I will say that this is the perfect amount of emotion fanfiction needs. We're given the enlightenment of youth and the glory of life. Ladies and gentlemen, this is how you write a story of loss.

I don't have much to say in this review, but you, the author, get a standing ovation from me.

5116410
Two things: (1) That's a good review, and I understand why it is so sparse, as you're trying to keep the tale unspoiled.
(2) Welcome to The Goodfic Bin!

Reading: Children of a Lesser Dragon God Boy Whelp Thingy Guy

5117225 Ooh, that was a good one.

Reviewed Fifty Sheaves of Paper

Rejecting

Fifty Sheaves of Paper is a story about Cheerilee getting a kick out of making mistakes. Mistakes in language are the ones we see the most here (beginning at mispronounciations and going all the way up to grammar errors across multiple languages) but we also see some misuses of maths too. She is helped by her love interest, Twilight, who needs no introduction. Twilight is apparently more experienced at making errors in order to feel really good about herself.

At first I thought the story was trying to be a comedy, but it wasn't really very funny. What I thought was humour was just a few pronounciation mistakes in a few languages, some of which I can speak, most of which I couldn't. There was no twist to it. Later, I realized the story was legitimately playing the idea straight as an arrow, and Cheerilee spirals out of control and begins getting addicted to making mistakes, spurred on by Twilight.

It's surprising how much I didn't find myself invested in the story. The romance between Cheerilee and Twilight is not only just rushed in, but also doesn't show many aspects of why they'd be in a relationship in the first place, even in chapter one, where I'd have thought it'd be the perfect time to introduce that angle. Cheerilee's behaviour isn't built up and Twilight is behaving in a very alien manner. Between all of those, I very quickly set the story apart in my mind as something that wasn't even trying to approximate the show's canon or characters, so the impact lessened greatly.

There also isn't a point to the story, no ultimate objective for me to be swept away in. So, in short, the characters aren't acting like the ones I appreciate, so I'm not invested in them, and the story doesn't have somewhere where it seems to be going and working towards, so I can't get invested in that either.

Unless anyone particularly wants to watch Cheerilee mispronounce things, I don't think there's much for anyone here besides five minutes of curiosity, and that's why I'm rejecting it.

5116410 You know you got to love this thread sometimes whenever you find those rare books nowadays that get featured on here Oh and because of this review, I decided to read it and... I am met with feels...

Reviewing: Children of a Lesser Dragon God Boy Whelp Thingy Guy

Read: All

Status: Accepted

With an author as good as The Descendant I expect nothing but the best, and this story is no exception. Even so, I was very surprised at what I read.

The story begins with Princess Celestia being informed a dragon has invaded the castle, so she calmly goes forth alone to meet it, armed only with her trusty toilet plunger. You read that correctly. What follows is a rare case of comedy I've not seen in a long time, ever since I read anything by Douglas Adams. But this is merely the set up for the main plot, which will eventually include Spike, a VERY grumpy Twilight, Rarity and Pinkie.

It took me a few moments to realize after the dragons begin to interact with Spike and Twilight I was reading a pony (and dragon!) version of Monty Python's Life of Brian. This realization only made it funnier, but that wasn't the true beauty of this tale. No, that came later, when I realized that a few of the throwaway gags weren't throwaway at all, but the set up for something much deeper and poetic. For then the laughter ends, and the wonder begins as the author takes a scene out of John 13, with Spike in the role of Jesus. This is done, not in a preachy or heavy-handed way, but such that even if one is not familiar with the passage of Jesus washing the disciples' feet, one cannot help but be moved. It is a very beautiful moment between Spike and Twilight, so I dare not spoil it.

There are many levels to this tale, from comedy to a moral lesson, with action and intrigue thrown in for good measure. Excellent work.

Reading: Five Score, Divided by Four

Here's to hoping this tale lives up to its hype.

With an author as good as The Descendant I expect nothing but the best

So I'm not the only one that thinks so.

Story: The Best Night Ever, by Capn_Chryssalid.

Rating: 9/10.

Status: accepted.

Have you ever seen Groundhog Day? It's a movie about a jerkish newscaster who has to live the same day over and over for unknown reasons until he gets it 'right,' whatever right may be. This is that, only with Prince Blueblood on the day of the gala. This is a good story, with good characterization, good pacing, good plot, and an interesting twist the movie didn't have that I won't spoil, all of which culminate into a satisfying tale. The only bad thing I can say about it is that it never jumped out at me the way Not The Hero did. I can tell it's really good, but it never truly wowed me, and that has as much to do with my personal tastes as the story itself. As an early story it more than earned its popularity, and its spot in the bin.

Ok, I'm about to go nuts and review everything in this bin that I've already read. Here we go!

1.

Story: The Day Spike Stopped Caring, by B_25.

Rating: 8.5/10.

Status: accepted.

This little story is unusual in that it, by its very nature, cannot have a proper drive behind it. The whole point is that the main character doesn't care anymore, so one of the things the author admits to struggling with was how to get him where he needed to go. Since it didn't feel like the narrative was pushing Spike from point to point, I'd say he succeeded. This story is also more slowly paced by nature, so if that's not your thing you might not enjoy it. However, the story is well written, decently executed, and fairly original, which is all we ask for here. Spike's apathy can also be quite funny, so I do recommend checking it out.

2.

Story: The Brony Guard Unlimited, by psychicscubadiver.

Rating: 9.5/10.

Status: accepted.

If you're familiar with the original Brony Guard story or psychicscubadiver's work in general this decision should be no surprise. However, this one not only takes the hilarity of the original and expands upon it by bringing in all the background characters and the humans who decided to help them, but creates an interesting mystery whose answer is deeply sad and heartwarming in a way that I will not spoil. Please go read it, you will not be disappointed.

3.

Story: Facebook Buys Ponyville, by Eakin.

Rating: 8/10.

Status: accepted.

This story is a lot like Tearek in that you will get exactly what it says on the tin and you will like it. It's short, silly, not serious by any stretch of the imagination, and revels in every second of the absurdities that projecting Facebook onto real life would cause. I don't regret having read it and you won't either.

4.

Story: Beyond the Portal, by Firestar463.

Rating: 8/10.

Status: accepted.

Good crossovers are hard to come by, but this one counts. While it may be set at the start of the Warlords of Dreanor WoW expansion pack, it would be more accurate to say that it crosses over with Warcraft the universe than WoW the game. The main character is an OC, and his characterization as a monk who used to be a rogue is what makes this story work. If it had been botched this story would be tossed out on its rear. As crossovers go, it's fairly straightforward, with Kyle Slater (the monk) and the Main Six teaming up the take down Sha (evil splinters of an old god who feed on negative emotion) that act as dark mirrors to the elements of harmony. My favorite part however, is that the usual tech vs. magic dynamic between humans and ponies is completely flipped, with Azeroth having stronger magic and the ponies having better technology. It's a nice change of pace, if nothing else.

5.

Story: "Daleks Have No Concept of Friendship!" by RainbowDoubleDash

Rating: 9.5/10.

Status: accepted.

You know that Dalek in series one with Rose and #9 who chose to die? Turns out it didn't stay dead, and ended up in Equestria because a lot of cosmic garbage gets dumped there before the innate magic breaks it down. Once there, Celestia offers it a second chance to live, which it takes over the alternative of the eternal void it is now desperate to avoid. It accepts, and is turned into a pony. A pony that has no idea how to be anything other than a Dalek, with all the ridiculous situational comedy that can provide. The Dalek's characterization is what makes this one good, providing most of the comedy and story tension. However, the update schedule is once a year, with the last one being in March of 2015. So this review is as much an acceptance as a "WRITE MOAR PLESE!!!!"

6.

Story: In a Far Away Land, by TheReaderAndWriter.

Rating: 7.25/10.

Status: accepted.

The polish on this story is much rougher than the above, which is too bad because it's a Minecraft crossover done extremely well. The ponies do not fit in the Minecraft world and they know it, and are forced to survive in incredibly harsh conditions without the benefit of Wiki. It's readable, if not as smooth as it could be, so if you can overlook some oddly worded sentences and grammar errors it's worth reading for yourself. Also, it's finished, so you aren't left hanging at the end of what is in fact a very good mystery/horror/thriller type story, because frankly, Minecraft is terrifying, and you'll agree by the time you've finished.

7.

Story: pony.exe, by Blue Blaze {COMET}.

Rating: pending.

Status: acceptance pending continuation (see below).

Twilight Sparkle is in your computer and you have no idea she got there. She doesn't know either. This is the idea put forth in this story, and it's handled quite well. The problem is, well, this story is not what it seems. If you come in hoping for Twilight/human romance (as I was) you will be sorely disappointed, because it's likely that Twilight isn't even really there, it's just a program that looks like her. I wanted to see Twilight geeking out over humans, not read about a human tracking down the origin of an extremely unusual piece of software through a universe entirely of the author's making. Sure, that sounds interesting and could be a book all on it's own, but it's not what I signed up for. Based on quality alone, this gets in, but I'm waiting the next update before deciding whether to stick around.

8.

Story: Codename: Foals Next Door, by TrojanHorse711.

Rating:8.25/10.

Status: accepted.

I have never seen Kids Next Door, and know only the most basic premise. This has not stopped me from enjoying this story in any way. FND keeps what I believe to be the original spirit of the show and blends with a series of episodic stories with an overarching plot that's still in the early stages and good characterization of fillies and colts both canon and non-canon. The only problem is that story is on hiatus, and to that I say, "Trojan, get back to your keyboard, you've got fans waiting."

9.

Story: Batmare Beyond, by Tatsurou.

Rating: 8.5/10.

Status: accepted.

If you don't know who Batman is I don't know how you managed it. However, if you said you'd never heard of Batman Beyond, a sequel of sorts to Batman: The Animated Series, I would less surprised. This story is a crossover with Batman Beyond, in the manner of all of the author's other crossovers: at the start of the B.B. timeline, an infant pony is dropped into the lap of a main or secondary character, who then must raise him or her, tracking the changes to the story that happen because of that unexpected addition. Despite being one of the author's earlier works (which means it's complete at this point), this story is quite solid, with Tatsurou's excellent character building skills and alternate timeline mapping shouldering the brunt of the load. If you're familiar with Fortresshy: The Nine Fathers, you know what this guy is capable of. All Batman fans should read, you'll probably enjoy it.

10.

Story: The Day The Reading Died, by DrakeyC.

Rating: 8/10.

Status: accepted.

Twilight has read everything in her world, and I do mean everything. A situational comedy piece, this story doesn't try to be anything other than funny, and does quite a good job of it. I read it again to refresh my memory and laughed the second time through, so it's good comedy, if nothing else. If you want to laugh, read on. If you want deep and meaningful commentary on life, I suggest you look elsewhere.

I'd review Five Score Divided by Four while I was at it, but Winter got dibs.

5127044 P.S. Ok, Haphazard, we're under a hundred, you can go back to reviewing self-subs now. The oldest in the folder should be an easy target, and I'd have reviewed myself if not for the clop.

P.P.S. Ha, top that guys!

5135527 Huh, and here I've been wondering what the trope Groundhog Day Loop meant when I first read it... now I know

5135697 Nice reviews, Architect. By the way, you forgot to add links to a few of them.

So, you like pony.exe, eh? Interesting...

5135697
Excellent work!

Reviewing: Five Score, Divided by Four

Read: Five chapters...not Four...Five

Status: " 'Accepted' he said through clenched teeth."

Son of a bitch!! Turns out this is essentially a Brony in Equestria story, and I (a) Hate, (b) Despise, (c) LOATHE BiEs! They're usually some wanna-be writer's wank off about how they want to love/fondle/sex/be a pony, and it's usually extremely dry reading. But this one, and I can't believe I'm writing this, is a GOOD STORY.

Our main protagonist is head over hooves ( see what I did there?) in love with Rainbow Dash, and is accompanied by three other friends who are not as enthusiastic as he. In fact, one can be best described as an Anti-Brony. Even so, through some yet unknown process, (by the time I stopped reading) the main and his best friend of the three slowly begin to turn into Dash and Applejack. This author owes me a new keyboard, for when I read that I spewed coffee out of my mouth and onto my computer. In the famous words of Ricky Carmichael ( Google it, youngsters ) "It's just SO ridiculous!" But dammit, it somehow works! Even though it's an insane premise, the story is compelling and I found myself at war with my pure, unbridled hatred of BiEs and a part of me that demanded, "What's going to happen next?!"

That last is what sold me on this story. The tale is interesting, the characters are three dimensional, and I'm immersed in their plight.

I truly hate myself now.

5141570 Holy craholy, honestly, I'm not surprised by the reaction but goodness...

5141570 This is why I believe that the hate against HiE and BiE is misguided. You don't hate HiE, you hate all the bad writers who use it as a crutch for wish-fulfillment. The good writers make good stories, no matter which ideas they're using.

Edit: Thanks for making my day. I wasn't expecting such a hilarious reaction.

5143819
You're welcome! But my pain is real...

Okay: due to my cable company messing up my appointment, I'm stuck using my tablet wherever there's WiFi. So I won't be reviewing until I can get back online properly. Shouldn't be more than a week.

5141570 Hah, that's what I thought too when I began but oh boy, was I wrong...
I started reading around the same time as you did and I'm halfway through now.

Tantabus, Mk. II, by Rambling Writer.

Rating: 9.5/10.

Status: accepted.

Ah, this story is a gem. Luna creates a second Tantabus to make good dreams for everypony instead of nightmares just for her. The problem is it started calling her mom right around the time she finished making it. This prompts Luna to call in Twilight for a second opinion. What follows is a hilarious series of dreams and fairly deep commentary on parental responsibility and unleashing what is essentially an A.I. construct on the dream-scape. I remember reading and enjoying this one when it first came out, and one of the funniest jokes is that the author didn't tag the story as humor right away, despite that being one of the strongest points. Weird, right? In any case, it's more than worth a read, if only so you can laugh at ridiculous dream shenanigans.

Reading: Essenza di Amore

5157350 I am pleased today! What is with me somehow bringing in the good books these days?

5149932
Run! Save yourself, it's too late for me!!

Reviewing: Essenza di Amore

Read: Prologue plus four chapters

Status: Approved

Let's see...how to classify this one? How about we start with that description:

Orphaned as a filly, a young pegasus named Kaviyayu is raised by an adoptive Earth pony family in a secluded, peaceful village. When a strange unicorn drops by the village, Kaviyayu and the other foals are captivated by her tales of the world, as well as her various spells and illusions for their amusement. But there's something about the way she doesn't speak of her own family... how she never removes her traveller's cloak... how she seems to take a very strong interest in Kaviyayu...

Who is this mysterious mare, what does she seek, and just what is so special about that pendant she wears?

The first thing that draws the eye is that very strange name, "Kaviyayu." Not your typical pony name, and is just the beginning of the naming pattern for this tale. While some might find such off-putting, I found it gave the story an exotic flavor I've rarely encountered. Moving on to the rest of the description, the hook is sunk in quite well with that brief but oh-so intriguing description of the strange unicorn. I generally do not like it when a story begins with a question, for I've seen that trope used poorly by way too many inexperienced writers, but here it works. Here we're given juuuust enough of an hors d'oeuvre to peak our interest in the rest of the entreè.

The Prologue is exactly that. It sets up the rest of the story with a scene that surprised me with its ability to make me immediately care about the characters:

Predawn gloom shrouded two young earth ponies as they wandered further from home than permitted. A colt with an olive-green coat and a wild, purple mane trotted along the border of the White Tail Wood, at the base of the Smokey Mountain. Stalking along a strange trail, he was careful to place his hooves on some lengthy, consistently lain wooden beams outlined by two oddly short iron rails that barely came off the ground.

At his side jogged a younger filly, with a wavy mane of mauve that fell beyond her green shoulders. Sweat shone on her forehead and beaded at the edges of her pale pink eyes as she struggled to keep up.

“Artax, stop already!” said the filly, slowing her pace and panting as she wiped the perspiration from her eyes. “We’ll get in so much trouble…”

Scene and character description done right. We're given the time of day without it being made into a weather report, and we already have a picture of the two characters without the author using Lavender Unicorn Syndrome. We even have some idea of their mental state and relationship. This is just the set up for a very emotional scene that follows, and one which I found myself hoping was a mistake.

There are parts of the story that put me in mind of such great anime tales as Spirited Away. I haven't finished this one yet, but I'm eager to see the resolution of the many twists already offered.

Reading: The Life and Times of Deepthroat Cockslut

Is this going to be NSFW? /beardstroke

5169529

I think the more pertinent question is: what bloody hell sort of parent names their daughter "Deepthroat Cockslut?"

5169720 I agree here