Who We Are in the Dark by NaiadSagaIotaOar
Verdict: 6.5/10 (Reject)

Reason:

This story has a lot going for it. It flows well and I don't recall spotting any egregious errors with grammar, spelling, or transition. The characters were consistent, and although Adagio's broken down mental state didn't seem to entirely fit with who she is as a character, it's easily justified why she feels this way in the narrative.

There were times where Adagio's issues were a little challenging to trail down, but that's one narrative drawback inherent to showing mental distortions or struggles without explicitly defining them (something that might be best avoided in exposition). Fortunately, I didn't feel oppressed by it; rather, I was delighted by the given hints into her problems.

I think where this story falls a little flat for me comes during the confrontation between Rarity and Sunset in the final section of the story, particularly when it comes to the explanation behind Adagio's condition. The declaration was made in the heat of the moment, but it didn't seem to have the impact or revelation behind it that I was looking for.

Worse yet, I felt like the explanation took away some of the magic of her situation. I can no longer wonder what it is; I know exactly what it is. I think this somewhat muddied my enjoyability with its conclusion. There's a combination of her bond (virginity) and flaw (mental condition) that plays into this. Because her condition prevents her from understanding expressions, I didn't see reason enough to believe that that translated to tones in voice as well, which I would think would be a trigger for her downward spiral. Furthermore, the underlying precipitator might be a touch dodgy. I think the implications of the conclusion were that Adagio simply couldn't connect with other people, and while this may be true of most individuals, it seemed to have been a different case with Rarity.

I think the story still does well in delivery of its core message, however. A person, lonely and trapped in an impossible situation tries to make the best of her condition and fails. And that failure triggers the tragic withdrawal from any romantic or friendly bonds. I believe this story is still well worth the read in spite of my rejection.

6477935
Thanks again for the review, I think you make some good points here

There was one thing I wanted to ask you about, though, if you don't mind:

Worse yet, I felt like the explanation took away some of the magic of her situation. I can no longer wonder what it is; I know exactly what it is.

My intent was that the first two paragraphs would make it fairly clear what's going on with Adagio and that there wouldn't be much new information at all presented when Rarity explains it later. Your assessment makes it seem as though you thought Adagio's condition was fairly vague and not concretely defined up until that point, which wasn't quite what I wanted you to be thinking, if I'm understanding correctly. I'm not trying to fault you for that, just so we're clear, just noting that the way I imagined the story doesn't seem to line up with how you read it. So I'm curious what you took away from the opening, basically, and whether or not that part wasn't as clear as I hoped it was.

6478255

I misspoke. The condition wasn't vague in the set-up, but perhaps the depth in which it affects her life wasn't as enclosed, and therefore interpretations are allowed more breathing room. Do I have that right? Those were my thoughts. Mayhap you can redirect my line of thinking here.

6478277
My apologies for quibbling, but I'm not quite sure why the extent to which it affects her isn't also established in the first scene or two. This is the way that I'm seeing things: throughout the story, Adagio never has much trouble dealing with Rarity, whom she's quite familiar with, but in the first scene it's shown that people she's not as familiar with--the waitress, there--give her some trouble, and I believe they discuss it being a somewhat common occurrence for other people to trip her up. Hence why Rarity isn't bothered about Adagio fussing with her phone during a date, as she's interested in Adagio getting more practice with other people so as to mitigate the inconvenience of her condition. To me, that all seems like it establishes or at least strongly implies her condition having a fairly pervasive impact on her life.