"Hmm, now where was that?" Starlight Glimmer searched through her bookshelf for her copy of Twilight Sparkle's Friendship Journal. "Ah ha! Here it is!" Starlight said, retrieving the book and sitting down to read it. She had gone through it quickly once before back when she had helped make copies of it for Twilight and her friends.

"And copies for the rest of Equestria," Starlight muttered to herself, recalling how much misfortune the newfound fame had brought her friends. Upon reflection she wished she could go back and do things differently. She looked over the many friendship problems in the journal and chuckled to herself. She was bemused with the rather convoluted ways that her friends had to solve these problems. Hindsight being what it was, Starlight realized she could have solved each and every one of them in a snap.

"In thirty seconds or less," she said with a rather smug expression. It was lark of a thought at first. But the more she pondered on it, the more she liked the idea. "I'd be doing them a favor, really," she reasoned. "Think of all the time they would save. Twilight would be a princess that much sooner. Think of what more we would have accomplished by now..." she trailed off. "Heck, I could have been a princess by now."

Starlight looked up from her book at her bedroom mirror, imagining herself with wings and a crown. It was the mirror that Twilight had given her at her 'graduation' ceremony after she'd saved Equestria from the changelings' return with Discord, Trixie, and Thorax. She could go back and thwart Chrysalis all the easier now that she knew the secret of a changeling sharing love, rather than feeding on it. She realized that she could prevent the invasion altogether! Both of them!

"That's all the reasoning I need," Starlight said, clutching the book to her chest. "I'd be irresponsible to not do this."
She readied her time-travel spell.

"It's time for me to fix everything!"

Twilight Sparkle sat on the grassy campus of Celestia's School for Gifted Unicorns reading the book the Princess Celestia had assigned to her.

"Hmm, Elements of Harmony. I know I've heard of those before. But where?" Twilight mused aloud. With a bright flash of purple light, a unicorn appeared before her.

"From your copies of Predictions & Prophecies, and Mare in the Moon," Starlight Glimmer said to the surprised unicorn, "But don't worry about all that..." Starlight shrugged her heavy saddle bag from her haunches. The bag opened and the Elements of Harmony spilled out. "These are the Elements of Harmony. They were hidden in a castle in the Everfree Forest. I already got them for you. You're welcome, by the way. Also, you can't use these by yourself. Here's a list of the other ponies you'll need to round up in Ponyville."

"Ponyville!?" Twilight asked, still in shock.

"Hmm? Oh, yeah, wait a tick," Starlight said. With another flash she teleported both of them to Ponyville. Twilight felt nauseous. "Oh please. You taught me that one."

"What!?"

"Oh. Right. I mean, you will," Starlight corrected.

"What about Spike!?" Twilight asked. Starlight scoffed.

"What about Spike? What do you need him to carry something? Anyway, on that list of ponies, I made a note of which Element to assign to each of them. Nightmare Moon will be making her big appearance in Town Hall when Celestia is supposed to for the Summer Sun Celebration. So make sure you have your friends rounded up by then. Oh, one more thing! Nightmare Moon is actually Celestia's sister, Luna, so, you know, set those things to 'stun', okay?" Starlight said. Twilight still looked utterly dazed. "Alright, look," Starlight gave her a scroll. "I know how much you love checklists, so here is written instructions of everything you need to do. Now get to making friends!"

"Friends!?" Twilight asked, still confused.

"Yes, your friends. Your very best friends. Speaking of-" Starlight said, noticing that Pinkie Pie was rapidly approaching to greet the new ponies in town. "The pink one will guide you to finding the others. Good luck." Starlight readied her time-travel spell.

"Wait!" Twilight yelped. "Who are you? Will I ever see you again?" Starlight grinned.

"I'm Starlight Glimmer... And I get the feeling you'll all be seeing me quite a bit."

Starlight Glimmer emerged into her new time frame to the sound of the voice of what appeared to be an incredibly unintelligent pony.

"Hee-hee, I like pudding!"

"Look, unless an Ursa Major comes waltzing up the street for Trixie to vanquish, I am not gonna believe a word she says, and neither should you!"

Hey, that second voice sounded like her future castle-mate! Sure enough, there was Spike talking with two... unfortunate looking colts. Maybe they'll grow into their... something? Nah, those two losers are dying alone.

"Snails, you thinking what I'm thinking?"

"I don't think what either of you idiots do qualifies as thinking. Now c'mere!"

"Uhhh, okay, random, strangely familiar purple unicorn," drawled the tall, dumb one.

The two colts alternatively waddled and gangled over toward Starlight, "Alright, you guys, let me get this straight. Your plan is to go out into the dark, monster-ridden forest, find a bear-monster the size of a Manehatten skyscraper, bring it back to your small farming village, and hope that the random street performer you met ten minutes ago can beat it up? Have I got that right?"

"The Great and Powerful Trixe already vanquished an Ursa Major once!" squeaked the short, ugly one.

Starlight shook her head, "That was a magic show, not a news report you goobers! I mean don't get me wrong, no one's more fond of Trixie than I am (literally), but your plan is just going to get your town destroyed. And even if it doesn't, I will personally make certain your teacher gives you double the math homework for the rest of your educational careers, capice?"

"Aww, but we really wanted..."

"Triple."

"Yes, ma'am."

Alright, Starlight, good job. Now on to the next...

"Crap"

"Duuh, what's wrong, Ms. Scary Purple Unicorn?"

"Dang it, now she has no reason to come back and try to exact vengeance in Season Three. Alright. Hey, you two idiots! Come back here! I need you to do something for me."

--------------------

"Trixie doesn't understand it." Trixie complained while dodging rotten fruit, "Those two pathetic colts were just fawning over Trixie, and now they're spreading terrible rumors about her!"

"Your magic show is bad and you should feel bad!" yelled a random stallion.

"Oh Trixie, don't worry," said Starlight as she charged her horn to leave, "Sure, the next few years will be unbearable and you'll feel like you're trapped in a pit you'll never climb out of, but at the end of it you'll have me!" Starlight winked at Trixie with a mild leer before blinking out of existence, leaving the showmare terrified, baffled, and confusingly aroused.

4. Applebuck Season.
Reality shuddered, juddered, and snapped. A pale lavender-coated pony stood where there had been no such pony before. Primly, she stepped off the circle of charred grass she'd created.

Applejack stopped dead in her tracks. Sure, she was a little tired, but she hadn't skipped enough sleep to start hallucinating. She watched the mare dig through a saddlepack and consult a book.

Starlight nodded once and strode towards the apple mare with a purpose. Mid-step, she pulled a newspaper from her saddlepack and rolled it up.

“So, Applejack. Applebuck Season. All these trees gotta get harvested before the fruit spoils. Your brother injured himself wearing one of Granny's girdles down Stirrup Street.”

Applejack’s eyes narrowed dangerously as she sized up this stranger. “Did Twalight put you up to this? Ah kin handle maself.”

“In a way, yeah. But I'm going to save you a week of heartache and sleepless nights.” She slapped Applejack across the nose with the newspaper.
“Those girls are your family too, you stubborn donkey. Asking for help doesn't make you weak, if you need it.”

Applejack opened her mouth to retort, and was rewarded with a thwap of the newspaper. “Ask your Granny, she'll say the same thing.”

Then the pony turned on her heel and trotted off. Ashamed at how childish she'd been acting, Applejack turned and started towards town, and her best friends.

Episode 13, Fall Weather Friends

The rainbow maned pegasus lazily flew upwards into the air. “Heh! Easy shmeasy!” With another easy win in the bag for sure, she was thinking of the next medal she could put on her wall. Next to her Trophy cabinet, next to her closet full of them…. What? She had a lot of them! If you’re not trying! You’re not winning!

“HOLD ON!” Applejack’s voice snapped her from her thoughts before she hit the dirt. With the buff farm pony now standing on her tail, she had no choice but to listen to Applejack’s banter. “There is ONE condition.” The farm pony narrowed her eyes at Rainbow. “The point is to run. So no, wings, allowed.”

“No wings?” With a grin, she bucked Applejack right off her tail, sending her flying with a yell. “No problem!” Rainbow’s voice cracked a bit, ruffling her wings a bit. With the two ponies back on their hooves, they locked eyes for the briefest of moments.

Applejack spit directly onto her hoof, and Rainbow followed suit as they went to bring them together. In a split second, a flash of light purple light appeared before them and before they knew it, a pony was standing right in the path of their spit-laden hooves.

“Oof!” Starlight Glimmer jumped a bit as two wet hooves smacked into each of her cheeks. “Ow, geez you two. I know you like it rough, but… Ow.” Rubbing her now sore jaw, the two mares looked quizzically at the new pony.

“Sorry about that miss! I uh, do I know you?” Applejack narrowed her eyes, looking at the pale heliotrope unicorn before her.

With a shake of her head, Starlight smiled. “No, I’m just a mare on a mission.” She put a hoof around the two and pulled them together. “Now, I hear you two are have a little competition, but you need to stop acting like a couple of foals!”

“Hey!”

Glaring hard at the pegasus, Starlight continued. “Shut up and listen… You’re letting this stupid competition of ‘whos better’ ruin your friendship!” Magenta eyes met green ones, a few moments pass before Applejack sighed.

“She's right RD, some ponies are just good at some things…”

“While some ponies, are better at other things!” The two friends shared a small smile, staring in each others eyes.

“Good! Now get over yourselves and be friends again.” There was a moment or two of silence, before Starlight pushed them just a little closer together. The two mares blushed before pulling back, Applejack’s muzzle scrunched up while Rainbow Dash rubbed the back of her head.

“R-right.” There was a glint of playfulness in Starlight's eyes before she stepped back. With a flash of light, the mare that stood there was gone. That left Applejack and Rainbow Dash staring wide-eyed at the slightly singed grass where the unicorn had stood.

“Huh…”

“Yeah…”

The two could only stand there, wondering just who this mare was.

Episode 12, Call of the Cutie

The now familiar feeling of being tossed though time quickly vanished as Starlight was deposited in the new location. General nausea and lightheadedness retreated soon after, allowing her a look at her surroundings.

‘Trees’, she thought, ‘how helpful’. If her calculations were correct, which they always were, she should be relatively close to…

There is was, through the trees! The Ponyville Schoolhouse. After some rapid teleports around town and a quick search for a forked branch, she was ready.

“Pssst.”

Applebloom barely noticed the sound, too focused on Ms. Cherilee talking about Cutie Marks.

“Pssst!!”

A quick glance at her side confirmed that the stuck up filly next to her was responsible. Probably trying to distract her on purpose. With an annoyed look, she turned back to their teacher.

“PSSSST!!!”

That one, the opposite of subtle and loud enough that several other foals looked in their direction, finally snapped her nerves

“WHAT?” she hissed. But wasn’t met with the sneer she was expecting. Instead the unbearable filly was holding a note out to her. The ‘give it here’ gesture of her compatriot on Applebloom’s other side made their intention obvious enough.

With a resigned sigh, she leaned over and took the note between her teeth and..

“Applebloom!” the teacher’s shout caused her to freeze up in shock. Caught.

Cherilee frowned at her from the front of the class, “Are you passing a note?”

Opening her mouth to reply, the note fell to the ground, where it promptly burst into flames. Starlight then made her entrance with a crack of displaced mass as she appeared in the room.

“That’s enough of that.” Levitating behind her were two very confused foals and a stick.

The class stood shocked at her sudden appearance. Applebloom recovered first.

“Uhhh…” was as far as she got before being impacted by two foals she’d never seen before, one a pure white unicorn and the other a pumpkin orange pegasus. The three landed in a bundle of legs near the back of the room, carried by the force of Starlight’s throw.

“You! Make some friends! You’ll feel better!”

Then she turned to the little devil filly.

“And you!” Diamond Tiara flinched away from the volume of her voice

Starlight levitated up the other object she brought with her, a branch that forked in two at one end. She aimed it straight at the filly. Casting the spell gave her a pang of guilt and regret deep in her chest, but it was for a good cause this time.

The filly’s cutie mark, and that of her stuck up friend, were ripped from their owner’s flanks. A quick scan with her eyes located another blank-rumped filly and the stolen marks promptly stamped themselves onto either of her hips. She shot out of her chair with a yelp, feeling as though somepony had just whacked her flank with a fly swatter.

Cherilee, finally having found her voice, marched up at aisle at the pony tormenting her students. She was then bound and hung from the ceiling with magic, a gag appeared in her mouth.

Starlight nodded at her spellwork and turned her attention back to the offending fillies.

“Both of you! Don’t be jerks. Or I’ll be back for you!”

Breaking the branch and giving and awkward wave to the rest of the class, she cast the time travel spell again and leapt through, leaving minor scorch marks on the floor and sending a wind whipping through the room.

When all had settled, the spells apparently wore out, having lost their source of power. Cherilee dropped from the ceiling and proved, once and for all, that ponies are not as much like cats as many people think.

Applebloom and the two other fillies slowly disentangled themselves, trading awkward smiles and apologies. Their names were Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo. Applebloom thought they seemed really nice, maybe she’d ask them to hang out at Sugarcube Corner after all this.

And lastly, Twist, having turned around, was spun in a circle as the marks on either side of her flank shot off and returned to their owners. Said owners found themselves thrown to the ground by the sheer force of the reunion, with rumps that would remain sore for the next week.

"So lifelike... and when Twilight discovers it shredded up on her floor, she'll think mouse-eating Owloiscious is to blame. And I'll be Number One again!" With a wicked laugh and a flourish of his cape, Spike turned on his heel and made his way out the front door of the deserted Carousel Boutique, glancing about in case someone might see him.

But he had not gone far when all at once there was a noise like thunder, and before him flashed a bright ruddy light, from which materialized a hooded figure.

Spike skidded to a stop, tilting his stovepipe hat forward and drawing up his cape to hide his expression of surprise. The stranger was equine in shape, but its features were entirely covered by its jet-black cloak.

"Good afternoon, Spike," it said.

"Who... who are you?" Spike inwardly scolded himself for stuttering.

"'Haborym,' some call me." The stranger’s voice was raspy and androgynous.

"And... where do you know me from?" His composure more or less regained, Spike stood on tip-toe to look taller.

"Never you mind. I am here, little dragon, because we are something alike in spirit."

"Oh?" Spike said, for want of anything better.

Slowly, Haborym grew closer until Spike could smell its sulfurous breath. "You are prideful--oh, so prideful. Envious as well. And your sin of omission regarding the blue tome, followed by flattery of your mistress--most cunning. It might have succeeded, with my assistance. Now your deceptions grow more ambitious, but this one will also fail. Let us form a partnership, my young friend."

Spike resisted an urge to edge backward. "What kind of partnership?"

"Behold," Haborym said. And before Spike could say anything, there was another flash of red light. Now, all across the ground around their feet, there was an illusory map of the near face of the Earth: Here was Equestria, there was Griffonstone, there was the Hippogriff kingdom, and beyond these, others Spike did not recognize.

"All the kingdoms of the world belong to me," Haborym said, "though they do not know it. These I will give you, on a single condition." It leaned forward until Spike nearly gagged on the stench of brimstone. "Swear utter fealty to me."

"No!" Now almost in tears, Spike flung the fake mouse away with all his might and bolted in the direction of the library, shedding his accoutrements as he went. The hat went into an alley, the cape fluttered into a ditch, and the mustache was trod underfoot. "I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! Twilight! Twilight!"

The moment that Spike was out of sight, the stranger shrugged off its cloak to reveal a benign-looking mare with a lilac coat. "How about that?" Starlight said to herself as she doused the sulfur burner that hung around her neck. "I'm a natural with kids."

Burrrp~!

The tightly curled scroll, wrapped in scarlet ribbon and sealed with the crest of the Equestrian monarch, manifested itself from the green flames of Spike’s belch.

“It's a letter from Princess Celestia,” gasped Twilight Sparkle beside her farming friend, Applejack, as the parchment came down to earth in a haze of glitter and radiating its own natural light. Spike took immediate responsibility to unfurl the message and read it allowed for the two girls with a clearing of the throat.

“Hear ye, hear ye. Her Grand Royal Highness, Princess Celestia of Equestria, is pleased to announce the Grand Galloping Gala to be held in the magnificent capital city of Canterlot, on the 21st day of, eh,” his eyelids were beginning to droop just from the expanse of useless exposition that took up half of the page, “yadda yadda yadda, cordially extends an invitation to Twilight Sparkle plus one guest.”

Applejack and Twilight Sparkle both drew in gasps and spun to face each other, whinnying their excitement at the correspondence unveiling important details to The Grand Galloping Gala! The pair cheered and reared up, cycling their forehooves in the air gleefully and bouncing about in the spirit of Pinkie Pie’s ordinary sprightliness.

A second bout of gas rose up within Spike, and the emerald fire produced two golden leaves, printed with the admittance of the beholder to the Grand Galloping Gala.

“Look, two tickets,” exclaimed Spike, holding them up to his lavender guardian. Her face remained unchanged.

“Uh, Twilight? Two tickets?” he wafted and nearly stuffed the two shiny coupons into her nostrils, yet still there was no response. His two friends were frozen in time. He yelped in shock as a voice behind him answered instead.

“Oh, come on, this was an easy one,” the baby dragon twisted to see a pale fuschia mare with a silky violet and aqua mane trotting towards him, an air of insistence in every step.

“Who are you? What have you done to my friends?” Spike enquired instantly, righteous anger and fear for the well-being of his companions rising with him.

“Just a friend on a friendship mission, Spikey,” she offered cheerfully, reaching out to ruffle the pine-green spines on the top of his head with a hoof. With a forceful grab of telekinesis, she stole the two tickets from his claws and examined them with a tut.

“Hey! Give those back! They belong to Twilight!” He yelped, attempting to leap and snatch them from the air. Instead, they tore before his eyes and dropped to the floor like sad confetti.

“No!” wailed Spike, “why would you do that?”

“Two tickets? Between six ponies and a baby dragon? You do the math- no! Don’t, instead write a letter for me to Princess Celestia.”

“And why should I do that for you?” The little drake placed a clawed hand on each of his hips and gave a determined attempt at an intimidating stare at the stranger.

“Full of questions, Spike, aren’t you? How about this; if you write one incy-wincy letter to Princess Celestia for me, Aunty Starlight won’t have to unlock Twilight from the petrificus charm to tell her all about how her number one assistant pilfers the trashy romance novels from her library for some late night reading, hm?” The result was instantaneous. Eyes widened, hands rose and waved urgently, the boy taking a nervous step backwards.

“No! Anything but that!” He looked into her pointed gaze and relented, sliding an arm into his statuesque mistress’ saddlebags, finally producing a spare, unused parchment and a quill.

“Very well, “Aunty Starlight,” what would you like me to write?” Starlight Glimmer grinned encouragingly, took a nice, deep breath, and began.

“Dear Princess Celestia,

“You absolute troll.

“Two tickets? Really? You know I have more than one friend now! That was the whole of your previous friendship lesson for me! “I have an even more essential task for you to complete: make some friends!” Those were your words.

“Please enclose a further seven tickets, as the current ones have become null and void, and don’t even think about skipping out on Spike. You have no idea what he gets up to on a Thursday night.

“In summary, I am not mad. I am just disappointed.

“Your Faithful Student (remember that),

“Twilight Sparkle.”

The lilac mare gave a pleased smile at the dragon and a swirl of her hoof. “Send it!”

“Really?” Spike began to counter, brow quirked, “you know this sounds nothing like-“

“Trashy. Novels,” said Starlight smugly. A lick of grassy flame later, the deed was done. The unicorn smiled excessively to herself and petted Spike’s head one more time, before summoning a fresh purple circle of light to exit from.

“Catch you around, Number one assistant,” she bid him with a farewell salute, before hopping backwards through the swirling portal. A flash and a crackle, all trace of her was gone, leaving Spike to wonder what in the name of Celestia just happened.

The two static ponies reanimated as though the last thirty seconds had not occurred, and Twilight was the first to notice the torn tickets on the floor.

“Spike! What happened!”

The young creature went to explain, only for something to bubble in his throat. He released another gaseous ball of leafy fire and produced another scroll.

Utterly bemused, Twilight unwrapped it this time with her magical glow and read it aloud.

“Dear Twilight Sparkle,

“Seven tickets.

“Never question my methods.

“Yours, irritably,

“Princess (remember that, indeed) Celestia.”

The unicorn and farm mare examined the tickets, each one coated gold and pristine. Their gazes fell to the sheepish and squirming young dragon trying to back away discreetly.

“Spike! What did you do?”

High over the plains of equestia a spooky royal carriage soared at breakneck speed.

"How long how long until we reach Ponyville?" Luna asked her guard. "We will arrive in less than thirty seconds your majesty."

In a flash of light a strange unicorn appeared next to Luna with a huge bag as tall as she was.

"WHOM DARES-"

Luna started before the purple mare cuts her off.

"Starlight Glimmer your Majesty. I love your work." Starlight grinned hugely before continuing. "Anywho, somepony forgot to tell you some basic information before you left so I'm here to help.

"First, no Royal Canterlot voice. It's funny but annoying and nopony likes it.

"Second, ponys like getting scared on nightmare night especially the foals. They find it fun.

"Third, fun is the feeling you get when you crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and hear the lamentation of their women."

Luna nodded at this now taking notes.

"And last but most important," Starlight pushed the overstuffed bag at Luna spilling treats onto the carriage.

"Candy!"

Luna, eyes aglow, smiled wickedly and grabbed hoofuls of sweet bliss. "Take us down guards, we will give the people what they want and have fun doing it!"

Starlight 'fixes' Lesson Zero

I know some of you may say that there's no way that this would've taken 30 seconds, and you're probably right, but it's within the word limit.

It is a calm morning in the small town of Ponyville as the sun rises. With very few ponies awake at this hour, none bare witness to a temporal rift appearing on the northern side of town; a shimmering blue aura in stark contrast to the warm, dim orange of the sun’s light.

From the rift levitates one Starlight Glimmer, grasping her form in a magical aura as she grounds herself in a world years ago. In tow is the friendship diary she had copied for Twilight, secured in her saddlebag. The rift closes behind her mere moments after setting hoof on the dirt.

“Alright, now to find the library!” Starlight wastes no time, galloping off in search of the tree long gone. Using her intuition, she surmised that the library would be in the exact location of the castle in the present. The town felt smaller; less developed. It took very little time to find the largest tree in town.

“Aha,” the adept mage exclaims, “wasn’t too hard to find. Now to stop Twilight from stressing herself to tears!” Starlight rushes forward, using a quick spell to unlock the front door and barges through; a trespasser with a purpose! She’s greeted to a sight that almost has her stop; the beauty of a treehouse library just as cozy being absent from her. The criminal pressed on, however, determined to accomplish her task.

Up the stairs she teleported, the sound of her causing even more issues with the space time continuum stopping what faint chatter there was above. Starlight barges through this door too, only to meet a rather frightened and prepared Twilight, horn alight!

“Who are you and why have you broken into my home?!”

“Whoa, whoa, relax! You don’t know me, but I’m from the future! We’re great friends, closer than most, even! It’s why you have to listen to me when I tell you that I’ve come back here to stop you from stressing. You’re about to make a huge issue out of something so minor.”

Twilight Sparkle stops her sentinel stance, a concerned look on her face. “And what issue would that be?”

“Well, you haven’t realized it, but you haven’t written a friendship lesson letter to Princess Celestia, and I’m here to tell you that you don’t have to.”

Twilight stares, dumbfoundead that she had forgotten to write a lesson learned this week. There’s no way any random pony would know about that, so this pony must know her. Before she has another moment to think about it, the other unicorn pulls a book from her saddlebag, levitating it over and turned to a specific page.

“Right here, you detail how you stressed over this specific detail, and it all turned out to be nothing!”

Twilight takes a moment to read over the contents before easing herself. (Lucky for Starlight, she’s a fast reader!) A distressed Spike is nowhere to be seen, long since ran away from danger, the coward. As for the studious purple unicorn, she wipes a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Well, I see. That definitely helps to know that. Say, how do I know you again?”

“Oh,” Starlight stops, giving an awkward smile as she recalls her encounter with Twilight in the future. “We, uh, you know, meet when you’re on vacation! Anyway, I gotta go!” Starlight blinks away from the awkward conversation, still running from her past and not wanting to remember her communist subjugation of perfectly healthy ponies.

Her task now complete, she opens up the friendship diary to be on with her next task to fix. Unbeknownst to the time jumper, in this timeline Celestia punishes Twilight for not reporting a new friendship lesson learned. Perhaps time travel isn’t such a good idea after all.

Starlight Glimmer popped into existence out front of Fluttershy’s cottage and looked at the clock tower. The time was exactly 3:59pm. Which meant if she punched out that rabbit now he would never remind Fluttershy about the party and she never take Philomena. Plus Starlight wanted to punch the stupid rabbit anyway.
And so she did. And so didn’t Fluttershy.

Later that day

My Faithful Student
Please tell Spike to not use his message sending firebreathe to make creme brulee. My throne is covered in burnt cream… at least I hope that’s what it is.
Sincerely, Princess TrollCelestia.

Alternative

Your video contains content from The Benny Hill Show owned by B.B.C. LTD. from 16:12 - 17:10 and has been removed from youtube.

Alternate

*gun cocking sound*
*gun firing sound*
*pile of ash hitting ground sound*
*FFVII Phoenix Down sound*

Note: after looking at the other ones mine seems very underwhelming. But hey, it's fast.

As the Appleloosans and Buffalo gathered at the stage, a hush fell over the crowd. A few ponies smiled eagerly throughout the audience, but Chief Thunderhooves and Sheriff Silverstar were still scowling as they glanced at one another. Everyone’s attention was drawn fully, however, when Spike began to play on the piano. The curtains parted, and a large clamshell opened to reveal Pinkie sitting inside, wearing an elaborate showmare outfit. She began to sing.

“We may be divided,
But of you all I beg
To remember we’re all hooved
At the end of ea—”

A bright magical aura surrounded the top of the clam shell, and shut it with a thunderous clap, leaving Pinkie trapped inside as she banged on the interior. “Hey, I wasn’t finished!”

A flash of magic at the middle of the stage heralded the arrival of a pale purple unicorn, drawing gasps from the crowd as they muttered amongst one another. They barely had time to process what happened, however, before the unicorn produced a fresh, still-steaming apple pie, and flung it through the air directly at Chief Thunderhooves. It impacted his face with a loud, wet splash, staining his fur with stuffing and crust. An even louder set of gasps came from the crowd, and everyone watched in stunned silence.

“What?! What happened? I’m still stuck!”

Starlight rolled her eyes as she received accusatory glances from the Buffalo, and even some of Twilight’s friends. “Oh come on, it’s just an apple pie,” she said, twirling a hoof in the air. “Try it, Chief.”

All eyes turned to the towering chief as his tongue reached out from between his lips and licked up the scattered bits of crust and stuffing. Only a moment after he swallowed, he reached out with his tongue again, this time licking as much of the mess as he could reach off of his face. “T-that was… delicious!” he shouted, a wide smile plastered on his face.

The clamshell at the back of the stage flew open, and Pinkie gasped for air. She then cleared her throat and continued singing.

“To remember we’re all hoo—”

Starlight lit up her horn and a larger clamshell appeared beneath the first, snapping both of them shut in a sudden movement. The resounding “SNAP!” was enough to leave the crowd’s ears ringing. “Now where was I…”

Starlight turned her attention to Sheriff Silverstar, pointing a hoof at him. “Just cut down like a dozen trees to make a path through the orchard and give them pies once a year.” The sheriff looked to the chief and the pair stared at one another for a tense few seconds.

The duo clam shells both flew open, sending a few curtains falling off of the railings. Pinkie took several deep breaths, her outfit a tattered mess after nearly a minute of thrashing about inside.

“To remem—”
   
Starlight’s horn lit up once again, and the two clamshells snapped shut before being lifted into the air, wrapped up in a dozen chains and held shut by three separate locks. It was then dropped, unceremoniously, back onto the stage, cracking a few boards as it rested into place. “Honestly, Pinkie,” she muttered to herself, wiping a bit of sweat from her brow.

“Twilight,” Starlight continued, turning to the unicorn and her friends in the crowd, “Stop butting into things. You guys kind of just mess things up a lot now and then.”

Twilight groaned, trying to bury one of her hooves into her forehead as a headache started to form.

Starlight turned back to the still shut clam shells, taking a step towards it so that the trapped mare could hear her clearly. “Pinkie, lay off the singing outside of Ponyville. Not everyone likes your songs.”

“But I practiced it for like an hour,” Pinkie replied, still stuck inside the twin clam shells and beating her hooves against the interior. Starlight pulled a scroll from her bag, and vanished in another flash of magic. “... Can somepony let me out now?”

25. Party of One

Starlight materialized with a audible pop in front of Sugarcube Corner Bakery.  She pulled the Friendship journal from her satchel and turned to the page entitled “Pinkie Pie’s birthday Mix-Up”. Since the entry had been written from Twilight’s point of view, Starlight was unsure where the pink pony could be.  She decided to head into the bakery and check out Pinkie’s room above the shop.
“Mrs. Cake, is Pinkie upstairs?” The aqua blue earth pony with a swirled pink bouffant mane looked at her quizzically.  
“Welcome to SugarCube Corner !  I don’t think we’ve met. I thought I knew everyone in this town. Are you new to Ponyville, dearie ?”
“Mrs. Cake, no time. I’m on a bit of a schedule.  Is Pinkie Pie upstairs ?”
“Why, yes. I believe so.  But why ?..”
Starlight didn’t answer and instead trotted up the wooden staircase.  As she was nearing the top, a small purple dragon was headed down. Spike was holding his pale belly in a walking food coma and muttering to himself.
“Too many gems.  But they were so good,” he muttered.  Starlight stepped aside on a landing, and the little dragon passed by without noticing her.
Starlight knocked purposefully on Pinkie’s door and entered without waiting for a response.  The pink pony’s normally bouncy curls lay in lank sheets. Starlight had heard of Pinkie’s infamous deflated-mood-hair but had never seen it in person before.  The effect was a bit disconcerting.
Pinkie Pie sat at the head of the table, staring dejectedly off into space.  Starlight pushed a bucket of turnips off one the chairs, causing stack of rocks to crash to the floor.   (Why were there turnips and rocks up here ?) She sat in the chair and addressed the earth pony.
“Hey there, Pinkie.  Pinkie Pie, look at me,” said the purple unicorn. Pinkie shifted in her chair and faced away from Starlight.
“Go away.  You weren’t invited.”
Starlight swore to herself.  Her time traveling spell had been a little off.  She had meant to get to Ponyville earlier that morning, before Pinkie had delivered the invitations to Gummy’s After Birthday Party. That way, she could have simply reminded Pinkie that today was her birthday, and her friends were already planning a surprise party.  Simple. Easily done in 30 seconds. But Starlight had arrived a half day late. Now it was mid afternoon, and Pinkie had already gone the whole day thinking her friends were keeping secrets from her. This was going to take a little bit of work.

Starlight walked over the the other side of the table, this time knocking a bag of flour to the ground.  
“Pinkie Pie, look at me,” she repeated. Pinkie Pie looked at Starlight, but her eyes seemed a little...off. Her face twitched unpredictably.

I don’t have time for this, Starlight thought to herself.  
“Pinkie, what day is today ?”
“Why, its Gummy’s after birthday day today.”
“And that would make it…?”
“Tuesday ?”
This was going nowhere, thought Starlight. “No, Pinkie, what’s the date ?”

Pinkie looked at the unicorn and said, “I didn’t invite you. Are you a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lot?”

“No, Pinkie, Im not  a friend of Sir Lints-A-Lots.  I’m a friend of Twilight Sparkle. And I know you think she’s been keeping secrets.  Let me tell you, they’re not secrets. They’re surprises. Your friends are planning a party for you.  It’s YOUR BIRTHDAY, you nutcase ! How can you forget your own birthday ? You know every Birthday, Anniversary, Holiday, Monthaversary and Event in this town, but you can’t remember your own birthday ?” At this point, she was practically shouting.
The realization slowly dawned on the earth pony’s face.  Her pink mane and tail coiled itself into bouncy curls with an audible squeak.
“You mean my friends are planning a party for my birthday ?” Pinkie squealed in excitement.
“Yup.There’s going to be dancing and games and cake and ice cream and punch. Now don’t forget to act surprised.”
Starlight’s transportation spell energized and Pinkie was deposited in front the barn at Sweet Apple Acres.  The purple unicorn took a deep breath and readied herself for her next time travel spell.

Starlight Glimmer examined her new disguise for a moment—hooves, coat, tail, cutie mark...

“This feels wrong on so many levels.”

“It’s only a precaution,” Twilight said, uncertainly. She stared at Starlight wearing the illusion of her old unicorn self, and cringed. “Was I really so... short as a unicorn? And wow, I guess maybe I should change my mane style.”

Starlight waved a dismissive hoof at Twilight’s insecurities. “You’re fine, Twilight. Anything else?”

“Yes! Remember, you get exactly 30 seconds and then you’ll return whether you’re done or not. And don’t forget the failsafe spell.” Twilight frowned, clearly not fully on board with this whole time-tampering thing. But she trusted Starlight. Mostly. “And no mind-altering magic.”

Starlight rolled her eyes and charged her horn.

“Okay, fine. Gotta run! I’ll be back in a minute.”

“Thirty seconds!”

Starlight disappeared with a flash and a little smirk. Twilight was so easy to rib.

Starlight appeared at the doorstep of Twilight’s old library tree home, resisting the urge to look around—the clock was ticking.

She immediately spotted Rarity and Applejack shouting at each other nearby. Branches and little topiary ponies fluttered around them and flew away in the wind of the breaking storm. Starlight couldn’t hear what the two were saying, but they sure were angry. And they were right up in each other’s faces—

A bolt of lightning struck close by and a boom of thunder rattled the air. Through colored spots dancing in her vision, Starlight saw that her two friends were wrapped tightly around each other and staring in shock.

Starlight laughed. The solution was so obvious.

“Sheesh! No wonder they’re cranky,” she said. She quickly charged her horn again and cast a spell before they could separate.

The two mare's eyes widened as their lips met. After a few tense seconds, their eyes closed and their kiss continued. The wind howled about them un-noticed, even as they were pelted with heavy rain.

Seconds left!

Starlight laughed again. She cupped her hooves in front of her muzzle and shouted a final encouragement at the two tongue-wrestling ponies. Then she disappeared in a flash, just as the door of the library tree began to open behind her.

A surprised Twilight Sparkle stepped out and stared in shock at her friends, then finally came to her senses. Her shout barely reached them through the howling of the storm.

“Applejack! Rarity! Come inside, girls, quick!”

The two friends pulled apart, watching each other and breathing heavily. Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Did you hear anything, sugarcube?” she shouted. Rarity smiled and shouted back.

“Oh no, darling, I’m sure it was only the wind.” Her wet mane fell against Applejack’s muzzle as she leaned in and spoke into her friend’s ear. “Sweetie Belle is with my parents.”

“Awww,” Twilight cooed. “It’s great to see them finally getting along, Spike! I mean hey, really getting along...”

“If you say so,” Spike said, glaring as the two mares quickly turned to leave.

“You know, I think this might be perfect weather for some hot cocoa—”

“With marshmallows,” Spike added, sighing as his eyes continued to follow Rarity.

Twilight watched as the two galloping ponies finally disappeared in the direction of the Carousel Boutique.

“And maybe a good romance novel,” Twilight added. “Mettle and Mis-Judgement.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Again? Really, Twilight?”

Twilight had the good grace to blush.

“Yeah. I’ll um, you know, be in my room.”

Starlight re-appeared in Twilight’s room with a flash, exactly where she’d started. She was still laughing, at least until she saw Twilight.

Twilight had changed. Gone was the severe, hyper-functional mane-cut of her past. Her mane and tail were both much longer, now, and they were actually brushed and even styled. She was even a little... glossy, and curvier. But most obvious of all, she seemed to stand a little taller, gave off a sense of awareness and easy self-assurance that Starlight Glimmer had only ever associated with other princesses.

Twilight was... hot.

“S-so...?” Starlight prompted as she tried not to stare.

“Oh! You were right, Starlight. My memories are getting a little hazy, now, but it worked! I learned an awful lot from Rarity and Applejack. Would you like to see them?”

“See them?”

Twilight smiled impishly and led Starlight to her balcony. Together they leaned over the balustrade and stared out at the castle greens, where Applejack and Rarity were clearly enjoying a picnic with two foals.

“Ummmm, are those...” Starlight said. “They have foals. How—”

“Oh, you know,” Twilight said, smirking as she clopped her forehooves together, “when two ponies love each other very much...”

Starlight glared and stomped her rear hoof.

“They’re adopted, aren’t they?”

“Mmhmm!”

Starlight looked out at the happy foursome again. Rarity screamed and laughed as she struggled against the horrifying attack of two little monster ponies from the Everfree forest.

“Huh.”

“You know, they told me that the wind that day was blowing so hard, it shoved them into a kiss.” Twilight snorted. “And that I yelled at them to get a room.”

“Heh, well... You know. 30 seconds.”

Starlight turned and looked at Twilight – stared at her – and found herself blushing furiously.

“Twilight, do you still have, um, that romance novel you keep telling me about?”

“Mettle and Mis-Judgement? Of course,” Twilight answered. She leaned over and nuzzled Starlight. “You know it’s my favorite. Would you like to read it together, again?”

Starlight saw the princess looking sideways at her, giving her a little mischievous smile and a raised eyebrow. Like it was a question she already knew the answer to.

Together? Again? Oh dear.

As the memory of that first time together began to fade in and make itself a part of her, Starlight considered casting the failsafe spell to return everything to... normal.

But then she looked at Twilight again.

This is good, too.

“Sure,” she said, smiling. “I think I’d like that.”

Rainbow Dash collided into the archives of the Golden Oaks Library with a flash and a bang.

For a moment, Twilight’s world was white noise and blindness. She reached out feebly, trying desperately to put together what had just happened. She was feeling existential dread and hyperventilating. There were loud flashes and harsh noises. Twilight had read of these symptoms; as her mind finally began to clear, she could only come to one conclusion. Standing before her was a mysterious pink unicorn, a cyan stripe in her purple mane, her magic still crackling from her horn as a warm smile stretched across her face.

“A… a time traveler?”

“Twilight!” the figure said, pulling Twilight Sparkle to her hooves. “Are you alright?!”

“I… Who the hay are you?...”

“I’m Starlight Glimmer, your best friend and loyal student in the future!” the unicorn said. “There’s no time to explain, but a friendship problem is coming to you and yours soon, and I’m here to solve it as fast as I can!”

“Y-You’re my student? I have students in the future?!”

“Like I said, no time to explain! Where’s Rarity?”

“Who is asking?” said a dainty, woozy, voice in the corner, as Rarity slowly rose onto shaky hooves. In an instant, Rarity was zapped in Starlight Glimmer’s seafoam magic, and in an instant, she disappeared.

Twilight’s existential dread gave away to horrified panic. Judging from the screaming, her friends felt the same. Her horn glowed instinctively as she scrambled to find the first self-defense spell she could. “What the hay did you just do to my friend?!”

“It’s okay!” Starlight Glimmer said. “I just banished Rarity to the Elemental Plane of Fabrics! She’ll be fine!”

“What?!”

“The Elemental Plane of Fabrics! It’s the place in timespace where all fabric that was and ever will be floats in a perfectly livable void! Trust me, if you knew the friendship problems coming you’d have done the same thing! You can get her back with…”

Starlight Glimmer raised the books – and Twilight’s other friends – in her magic, quickly sorting through them as best as she could. “Where is it? Jeez Louise, this is poor bookkeeping, Twilight! Are these volumes even numbered?!”

“J-Just hold on a second here!” Twilight spluttered. “You came from the future to send my friend Rarity to an elemental plane?!”

“Hold on a darn-tootin’ second!” Applejack cried. “Rarity’s where?!”

Starlight Glimmer groaned. “Where the hay is that book?!”

“You bring Rarity back right now!” Rainbow Dash growled, flailing ineffectually as Starlight Glimmer scoured rapidly through book covers. “I oughta kick your butt back to… to wherever! Aaaargh!”

“I can’t bring Rarity back, Rainbow Dash! I mean, I could, but then a thousand bad things would happen in a row! There are better ways to learn about how to handle being upstaged than everybody almost dying in a horrible accident!”

Starlight Glimmer was hyperventilating. She stopped herself, taking in a deep breath and dropping everything in her magic. Books and ponies rained onto the floor again, as a bewildered Twilight Sparkle tried to blink away her confusion. “What? Wait, Rarity is going to almost die?!”

“Just trust me on this!” Starlight Glimmer said, yanking a book from the pile. “Finally! Here it is!” She tossed the book to Twilight Sparkle, who peered at the cover. “There! You’ll need that book to get her back, but only after the Best Young Flier’s competition!”

”Plane Shifts and You: an Updated Journal of Torment?”

“Just read it and everything will be clear.”

As Twilight Sparkle scried through the book, Starlight Glimmer turned around. “Now, Rainbow Dash?”

Rainbow Dash rose to her hooves, stomping towards Starlight with fury in her eyes. The unicorn rolled her eyes, raising a hoof to her heart. “I’m your best friend from the future! Rarity is fine! Just hold still, okay?”

“Hold still for what?” Rainbow Dash growled, before she was enveloped in Starlight’s magical glow, only able to let out a cry of fear before she… she…

She was just there. She was just standing. But now, she felt… What did she feel? Rainbow Dash couldn’t put her hoof on it. “What… What the hay did you…”

“Just a little spell I whipped up to eliminate your negative emotions,” Starlight Glimmer said, beaming.

“My negative emotions?”

“Yep! You were nervous about the Best Young Flier’s competition, right?”

“I guess.” Rainbow Dash blinked a few times.

“Great! So now, you won’t feel nervous! Or any negative emotion! You may lose out on a few positive ones but, hehe, hey, small price to pay for winning the Best Young Fliers competition, right, Rainbow Dash?”

“I have no strong feelings one way or the other.”

“Glorious! No more friendship problem! Success!”

“You n’ I have a pretty different definition of success there, weird future pony,” Applejack said, waving a hoof in front of Rainbow Dash’s face.

“Alright, my work here is done, gotta run! Word of warning, I might be evil when next we meet, so like, have an open mind and stuff! Okay, bye!”

With a flash of light and a horrendous noise, Starlight Glimmer was gone as fast as she had come. Twilight Sparkle rubbed her eyes, gazing over the chaos that strange unicorn from the future had wrought. Fluttershy was cowering under a table. Applejack was trying to shake Rainbow Dash awake from her spellbound state. Rarity was literally in another dimension. And Pinkie Pie?

The entire time, Pinkie Pie had sat in the corner, her eyes as wide as dinner plates, her mouth hanging open. Through the entire ordeal, exactly one word left her lips, and it’s sentiment was one Twilight couldn’t have agreed more with.

“Wat.”

"Now," Starlight muttered to herself as she emerged into yet another day in the past, "...if I got the coordinates right…"

Her suspicions were proven correct the area shook and the desperate clucks of several chickens filled the air, followed by a rather loud, "GIRLS!"

Starlight smirked, scratching another mental mark on her tally of perfect jumps and gave herself a mental hoof-bump. "Oh yeah."

She pulled out her copy of Twilight's Friendship journal and revised it just to make sure she had it right, then proceeded to cast a series of spells on herself before heading into the forest.

"Girls, you have to be careful! There's a cockatrice on the loose!" Fluttershy pleaded. "We have to go home."

"A cockawhatnow?" Apple Bloom asked, tilting her head in confusion.

Behind her, Scootaloo and Sweetie exchanged looks and shrugged.

"It's a fearsome creature with the head of a chicken and body of a snake! It—"

Fluttershy stopped as the girls walked around her. "That just sounds silly!" Apple Bloom declared. "Why, if Ah ever see one of those I'll just laugh it away!"

"No you won't."

"HOLY CELESTIA, MOTHER OF ALL BUCKERS!"

"Apple Bloom!" Fluttershy chided, aghast at the filly's reaction. "That's not—who… I'm going to have a talk with your sister, missy!"

"Buh-but that weird unicorn just appeared out of nowhere!"

Starlight smirked. "Oh, don't worry about me."

Her horn glow and confused chicken floated out of the bushes, landing in front of Fluttershy and wobbling a bit before falling to the side. "Don't worry, she's okay," the unicorn informed them. "Just paralyzed."

She  then proceeded to hoof over a potion to Fluttershy, who took it with a confused expression. "Soften Brew." The unicorn said. "To de-stone Twilight. I've also teleported the Cockatrice back to its natural habitat. You're welcome."

"But—"

"And you girls…" Starlight said, turning to glare at the three before casting yet another spell made all three slump unconscious. "Should be in bed."

She smiled at Fluttershy. "There. I also fixed your table, and the gate. Enjoy the rest of your evening!"

And with that, she was gone.

Fluttershy stared at the three unconscious fillies, the frozen chicken and the potion. Then she blinked, shrugged and picked them all up. It was kind of late anyway.

Dear Princess Celestia,

Last night I learned two things:

First: Be prepared in case you meet cockatrices in the forest.

And Second: Earth Ponies have very peculiar ideas about what you do in your free time.

Once the dust, leaves, bits of shattered wood, and tripartite wounded prides settled, Apple Bloom was the first to speak. "See anything?"

"Tree sap and pine needles," Scootaloo replied, equally bruised in body and spirit herself, "but no cutie mark."

"Plan B?" Sweetie Belle suggested--or at least would have, had a titanic clap of arcane-induced thunder not simultaneously kept her from speaking and sent all three Crusaders ducking for cover. Once they looked up--and the rather-perturbed-at-this-point dust got a chance to calm down again--they found themselves staring at a panting unicorn mare with a lavender coat and a purple and pink striped mane who looked almost exactly like Twilight Sparkle, if Twilight Sparkle had had a massive inferiority complex and wasted years of her youth chasing a fanciful ideal of a perfect world only she could hope to create. So in other words, she looked like Twilight Sparkle with weird hair.

"Okay!" the mare who probably wasn't actually Twilight said, swiveling in place for a moment before her eyes latched onto the three small fillies gaping up at her from beneath a recently disturbed pine tree. "Soooo... Cutie Mark Crusaders. Right! You guys were... oh geez, this is gonna be a tough one. Here, you, hold this."

The mare had been talking to Scootaloo when she spoke, and holding out a magically conjured stopwatch towards her when she finished. Gingerly, Scootaloo took the device in both hands and brought it to her chest, her eyes darting back and forth between it and the mare who seriously looked exactly like Twilight with, like, two hundred percent more emotional baggage. "Hit the button on the top when I say 'go'," the mare said, nodding first at the stopwatch and then at Scootaloo. "Ready... go!"

Scootaloo hit the button.

"So Applejack got her cutie mark by running away from home, living with rich relatives for a bit, realizing she didn't like being from old money if she couldn't earn any of it herself, and went back to her farm to live in poverty forever out of sheer principle. Fluttershy went to flight camp and got made fun for being a wimp until Rainbow Dash cared enough to bail her out while still not caring enough to avoid accidentally smacking her out of the sky presumably to her death, but it all ended up okay because the animals on the ground saved her and she realized ponies couldn't be trusted for anything and the raw chaos of nature was the only dependable constant in an uncaring universe. Meanwhile, Rarity got just absolutely extra about a school play and ended up getting dragged by the horn out to some gemstones she used to fill the gaping hole of self-assurance her short-sighted peers could never provide, and Pinkie Pie kind of did the same thing but out on a rock farm and with slightly more implied violation of foal labor laws. And of course, during all of this, Rainbow Dash went fast enough during the race she almost killed Fluttershy for to break the sound barrier, and that startled Twilight Sparkle into wilding out and nearly destroying Canterlot with her untapped magical potential, which apparently prompted Celestia to take her in as her personal student and give her a sapient dragon hatchling as a pet-slash-homegrown-assistant."

The mare took a deep, shuddering breath.

"Also, you guys don't actually get your cutie marks until about four or five years from now, and it's only after you dodge answering your biggest rival's question of what her cutie mark means and you realize your entire life's purpose was pointless by its very nature, which all happens right before the Elements of Harmony stop me from preventing everything I just mentioned from happening because I was upset that my entire life's purpose was doomed to colossal, world-ending failure from the start, which, wow, is really kind of ironic now I think about it and am saying it out loud, but anyway, that's how your so-called 'Plan B' goes, and now the rest of your day is free. Time! How long was that?"

None of the three Cutie Mark Crusaders answered her. After a moment's pause, the mare's still-ticking stopwatch slipped out of Scootaloo's outstretched hooves and clunked down onto the forest floor.

"Hmm," the mare hummed. "All right, if I just call that thirty seconds, are any of you gonna say anything?"

None of them said anything.

"Awesome. Good talk. See you guys in five years."

With a slight grunt and a blinding flash of her horn, the mare was gone. The silence she left in her wake persisted for several seconds, only broken by Apple Bloom's errant cough.

"Okay, seriously, who was that?" she said once her voice fell back under her control. "And why does she keep showin' up right as we're about to go on cutie mark crusadin' adventures?"

"I dunno," Scootaloo said, after receiving a nod of tacit agreement from Sweetie Belle, "but whoever she was, I hope we never see her again."

And then they did. But not until five years later after Scootaloo forgot she said that, so technically it all worked out fine.

14. Suited for Success

The fresh presence of the singing pony in her workshop, interrupting her closing her song, nearly sent poor Rarity catatonic. She’d been putting the finishing touches to the last of the Gala dresses for her friends, and enjoying a good sing-a-long while she’d been doing it, when an extra vocal harmony created a final verse that had certainly not been expected.  

“Hello Rarity!” Glimmer waved hurriedly as she pushed a cat bowl to the white purring fluff ball, allowing Opal to greedily feast on the laced biscuits that now resided in it. The periwinkle pony with a mostly modest purple mane put a stopper on a bottle marked "Hypnotoad Spittle - Not for use on-" only for it to be put away before the full label be read by the fashionista.

“You’re that…” Rarity fumbled for the right name, but could not remember her friends actually telling her what she was called, “...time pony, right? What are you giving my Opal?”

“Sorry, I'm on the clock,” Starlight looked to the many watches along her forelegs as she spoke, her ears folding in discomfort, “let's just say it's a Zecora special and it should wear off in seven days. So-” She suddenly screamed out and pranced on the spot urgently, before tugging Rarity in to look her in the eyes.

“Five seconds left! Really shouldn't have sung a song! Rarity, follow these instructions to the letter! Make sure that your friends look Opalescence in the eyes before they look at their new dresses, remember to tell them you're the boss and don't look the cat in the eyes yourself or else you'll-”

Pop! The strange shouting mare was gone before she could finish the full sentence. The pale snow mare with the luxurious mane fell into the void left by the vanishing pony, yelping at the bump to her chin.

“Ouch!” she winced, rubbing her jaw and groaning, “what on Equestria could she mean about not looking at you, Opalescence? Why, you’re just too adorable not to-”

Her words were not cut short. They simply did not need to exist anymore when the feline spun around to reveal deep, spinning pools where it’s eyes had once been. There was no more worries or frets about the dresses, they were just fine. There was only Opalescence, and that was all that mattered…

There was a rapid-fire knock on the door of the Carousel Boutique.

“Rarity? You okay in there? You haven't come out for days,” called a sugar-high voice as the party pony known as Pinkie Pie pushed open the door and trotted in, leading the procession of her other friends. The curtains were drawn shut, the room looked unswept and unkempt. There was no sign of the dressmaker in the main foyer, just a lot of bowls of cat kibble and dozens of feline-friendly toys scattered all over the floor.

“Who said you can’t become a crazy cat-lady with just one cat?” hissed Pinkie to the others. Twilight Sparkle gave a long-suffering shake of her head then set off up the stairs, calling for her friend.

It was only once the five concerned allies slipped into an open bedroom that they found a frazzled Rarity, petting a puff of milky fluff on her bed and looking completely spaced, which added strength to Pinkie’s “Cat-lady” rumors. Ahead of her were five completed dresses, sparkling, beautiful and perfect, one for each of her darling pals.

“Err, Rarity? Are these complete?” Grumbled Rainbow in an unsavory manner, “I thought mine was going to be, you know… Cooler. By about twen-”

“Is this really the time, Rainbow?” scolded Applejack, before turning to Rarity with sympathy, “err, Sugarcube? Are you strugglin’ with the dresses? T’ain’t like they’re bad, jus’...” before she finished, Rarity rose the hoof she’d been petting her cat with and shook her head.

“I’m the boss,” she droned in a monotonous manner, still staring straight ahead. Fluttershy gasped in horror.

“Rarity! What-What’s happening to Opalescence? She’s gotten so-so… so big! Have you been over feeding her?” As she protested, the cat struggled to rise from the bed, a wide expanse of fur on matchstick legs. However, when she spun around and her eyes fell upon them all, the group of comrades stiffened instantly and eyes widened to the size of saucers. They each sat obediently, unblinking, and obeyed their whiskered mistress.

“Meow,” ordered Opalescence.

“We love our dresses, they’re perfection, we will not tamper with the white one’s work,” all five said in uniformity with each other, heads nodding.

“Meow,” explained the fat cat.

“We will learn not to look a gift horse in the mouth, and remember that we know nothing about fashion,” almost all of them agreed.

“Although, the armscye's tight,” began Fluttershy robotically, “the middy collar doesn't-”

“Meow,” insisted the puss.

“Oh, right, s-sorry…” added the butter yellow mare, managing to sound a little bashful behind the bored tone.

“Purrrr~owl,” finished Opal, and the ponies complied, breaking out of ranks to pet the cat, feed her, comb her, and generally provide her with her heart’s every whimsical desire. It was good to be a cat.

In the next few days, Opal did one good thing with her power - she encouraged the friends to complete Rarity’s dress using Fluttershy’s mad skills with a sewing needle. When they awoke on the seventh day, the cat had stuffed herself silly with treats and was achingly as round as a ball.

“Meow,” she said as they worried over their lost days and the sickly feline. She was right, it had been a very productive week.

EPISODE 19, A DOG AND PONY SHOW.

As the Diamond Dog closed in, he pinched the gem on his collar. “We hunt for gems. But, you are a better hunter.” Each step, Rarity and Spike kept walking backwards as he came closer and closer. “So now we hunt, for you!”

With that, two more popped out of the ground, sending the small dragon falling backwards. Now, with two more Diamond Dogs behind her, Rarity turned and let out a small scream. But, before any could even realize, three beams of magic zipped across the landscape. Zip~! Zap~! Zam~! The Diamond Dogs were blown away, figuratively and very literally. Tumbling to the ground, they skidded to a halt no more than a few meters away.

“W-who dids that?!” The leader roared in anger, the fur on his back a little singed. Upon looking around, they all spotted a lone mare standing upon the cliffside. “YOU! You dids this!” With a bright flash of purple light, the mystery mare teleports down in front of the dogs, the three quickly scrambled back up to their paws.

“You should really should pick on somepony your own size, greedy mutts!” With another round of spells, the unicorn blasted the dogs back once more. “Now, get out of here! And don’t come back!”

Groaning, the three looked at the pissed off mare before hesitating. With one step closer, they took off with their tails between their legs. “Hah! Serves em right!” Brushing her mane from her face, Starlight looked back at Rarity and Spike, who sat there in awe. “Awesome! I can get this over with and onto the next one in record time!”

“Wait, don’t I know you?” Rarity looked at Starlight suspiciously before the purple unicorn booped the fashionistas muzzle.

“Don’t worry about that! Go around that corner, there’s about five minecarts full of gems there. Get the others and you can have them all.” Rarity perked up instantly, and trotted around the small, stone hill all while happily muttering to herself. With the mare out of sight, a heavy sigh came from Starlight’s mouth. “Sweet Faust above… These don’t seem to get any easier.”

Starlight glared hard as Rarity galloped past them to Ponyville, before glancing down at the dragon next to her. “And Spike? A little advice?” She then leaned in and whispered a few things into his ear before giggling.

“W-wait? How do you know that?!” He flushed red as Starlight brushed his frills before taking a few steps back.

The grin across her muzzle was huge. “Oh, don’t worry about it. Trust me, even though her and her friends are a little chaotic right now? Give em a year or so. They’ll grow out of it. Bye for now!” In a flash, she was gone. Leaving a very confused Dragon standing there.

Episode 11: Winter Wrap Up

Twilight woke up bright and early on her first Winter Wrap Up Day in Ponyville. Then she realized that she had woken up several hours too early and decided to read a to pass the time. Once the time had come, however, she was as alert and ready as ever to get out into the snow and start cleaning it up the old fashioned way. No magic, no nonsense, just a tradition that’s been around for hundreds of years, or at least as long as Granny Smith has been alive. Sources vary. No better way to learn more than to be a part of it though!

However, as soon as she exited her home, Twilight noticed that the outdoors were actually warmer than the indoors. Not only that, but the snow was already gone, the flowers were already in bloom, the local squirrels were out and about instead of hibernating. Winter was wrapped up without her! “Was I too late? Maybe I shouldn’t have read that last chapter…”

“There she is!” It was Mayor Mare, the mare who mayored Ponyville, who may or may not have been merry, judging by the tone of her voice and the presence of her guards. “Seize her!” Nope, definitely not a merry Mayor Mare.

“Mayor, what’s going on?” Twilight asked as the Mayor's guards began to flank her. “You never told me that being late for Winter Wrap Up is illegal.”

“Missed it?” the Mayor asked. “You canceled it! I have witnesses that saw you at the scene using magic to change the season. Surely you know that’s not how it’s done here!”

“But I didn’t-”

“She didn’t do it, Mayor!” Applejack chimed in. She was flanked on either side by Rainbow Dash and Rarity. “I told you myself; it was a unicorn that looked like Miss Twilight. It wasn’t Twilight. If it was, I would’a’ told ya. I hope you ain’t twistin’ my words around.”

“I’m sorry Applejack,” the Mayor replied, “but what other unicorns in this town looks more like Twilight than Twilight?”

“From what I saw,” Rainbow Dash cut in, “she wasn’t a unicorn from town at all. I saw her show up in a flash of light, shoot a bunch of lasers out of her horn that wrapped up winter, then she was gone in a flash again in like 30 seconds.”

“So,” the Mayor said, “we already knew she had to be a strong powerful unicorn, but this means she could have shown up from anywhere. That’s troubling. However, it doesn’t rule out Twilight.”

“Pardon me, but” Rarity chimed in “I was a witness too, Mayor, and I’m positively certain that Applejack is exaggerating claiming they look anything like each other. Sure, they both have purple manes, but the unicorn who did this had a streak of pale aquamarine in hers. Not to mention, her coat wasn’t purple at all, rather a shade of heliotrope.”

“Also, she was pink,” said Rainbow.

“Yeah, pink,” confirmed AJ.

“Well then,” the Mayor replied, “I suppose that sounds too different from Twilight to be possible. Guards, please leave the citizen alone.” They lowered their weapons and went away from Twilights doorway. “I’m sorry for the mixup. I hope that you can see it in your heart to help me with my search for whoever has done this.”

“I don’t mean to be rude,” Twilight asked, “but is using magic to change the season actually illegal?”

“I can’t say that it is,” Mayor Mare answered, “but contradicting out traditions like this shows some malice for the town. I want to at least talk to the pony who did this and understand why.”

“That’s something we can agree on Mayor,” Applejack smoldered. “Why the very idea that somepony would just come and dishonor our hard work and traditions with some fancy shmancy magic, and for what?”

“Maybe they were showing off,” Rainbow tried to answer. “I mean, even I couldn’t finish Winter Wrap Up alone in 30 seconds, but if I could, I know I’d wanna prove it.”

“Maybe they just teleported to the wrong spot?” Rarity hypothesized. “Most places do use unicorn magic. After all, it’s so much less messy work out of doors.”

Applejack just glared at both of them and said nothing.

“Well, Mayor,” Twilight said, “I have plenty of connections from academia that might know the powerful unicorn that fits this description, but it might take weeks, even months to find them, and even if we do there’s no telling whether they would confess or simply ignore our-”

“Um, Twilight,” Spike said from inside the house. He was holding a scroll addressed to her.

“Excuse me,” Twilight said, “I just need to check this for one second.” The letter read as follows:

Dear Twilight,

This is your future student. I came back in time so you wouldn’t have to deal with this pointless, useless, racist tradition. You can thank me later. If you need it switched back, go find Starlight Glimmer in Sires Hollow and she’ll fix it. Tell her she owes you a free pizza while she’s at it. She’ll understand.

Your faithful student,
[Name Withheld]

Twilight tried to glean more out of the short letter, but there just wasn't that much to get. “So,” she said, cautiously, “I think I know someone who can fix this. Do you guys all want pizza?”

Her three friends cheered for it while Mayor Mare had to stop her guards from doing the same, as if to say “No, that does not mean you.”

Twilight looked over the letter one more time with a pause. “I mean, it is kind of racist, isn’t it?”

“Why of all the-!”

"What is this?"

Starlight Glimmer ignored Twilight's suspicious look, countering it with a wide smile. "A movie!"

"I can see that." Twilight looked at the rail and then looked up at the other unicorn. "I've never heard of "Frozen" before."

"That's because it hasn't been released yet," Starlight explained. "I did mention that earlier."

Twilight paused. "Okay. I'll bite. How is this related to Pinkie's so-called Pinkie Sense?"

"Just watch it and pay close attention to Elsa's song. I'll come back for the movie later."

Twilight eyed the other unicorn warily until she left the library, then looked down at the movie reel again. "Why not?" She shrugged and used her magic to bring out her projector. "Might as well take a look."

Starlight watched Twilight leave the library, humming and singing to herself, "Let it go, let it gooo..."

She smirked, and ticked a box on her list. "Success."

Fluttershy swallowed.

"Um, excuse me, Twilight?" she said, in her most forward voice. "I know you're busy, but..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight, nose stuck in the map, didn't seem to have heard her for some reason. "Well, we could go this way..."

Licking her lips, Fluttershy redoubled her paltry efforts. "But if I could just have a second..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight jabbed a corner of the map. "No, we want to avoid that!"

Sensing her opportunity, Fluttershy pounced on it like a wild, cuddly beast. "So, um, I was thinking that, um, maybe I should just stay here in Ponyville."

"Uh-huh."

"Oh!" Fluttershy wasted no time in vacating the scene. "Good. I'll stay here and--"

"Twilight!"

Rainbow Dash bowled Fluttershy over as she insinuated herself in Twilight's map at high velocity. Twilight glowered at her.

"Rainbow Dash, I'm kind of in the middle of--"

Dash grabbed Twilight's head and turned it as far as it would go. "Look at the mountain!"

Twilight looked. They all did. There, at the top, the neverending trail of smoke was, well, ending. The oppressive black cloud that ringed its peak began to dissipate, little by little.

"There was some kind of crazy green light, then an explosion!" Dash babbled. "And now the smoke's clearing up!"

"Well that's unexpected," said Twilight. She produced a spyglass from her saddlebag and trained it on the mountaintop. She caught a small turquoise flash that was gone before she could get a good look at it.

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear I just saw somepony teleporting." Eyes narrowed, Twilight collapsed the spyglass and placed it and the map back into her bag. "Come on, girls, let's check it out."

With cheers and hollers, her friends joined her in charging for the mountain. Pausing, Twilight turned and said, "Fluttershy, you can stay here if you want. I think our problem may have just sorted itself out, but I want to make sure."

"O-okay, Twilight," Fluttershy said, trying and failing to hide a smile. "I'll, um, hold down the fort!"

Twilight grinned before kicking back up the trail after her other friends. "Knew I could count on you!"

Fluttershy watched them go for a few moments, then, breathing a long sigh of relief, turned toward the direction of her cottage. All she needed was a quick visit to her animal friends and--

"Kyaah!"

Fluttershy's scream caused a nearby bird to jump. A pink unicorn with teal-striped purple mane had just appeared out of nowhere only a few paces away. As Fluttershy's heart hammered in her chest, the unicorn winked at her and clicked her tongue.

"Don't say I never did nothin' for ya!" she said in a really bad Apple Family accent. Then, just as suddenly as she'd appeared, the mare was gone.

Fluttershy had no idea what to make of it.

Her friends would find only an empty cave in the mountain's top.

Fluttershy swallowed.

"Um, excuse me, Twilight?" she said, in her most forward voice. "I know you're busy, but..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight, nose stuck in the map, didn't seem to have heard her for some reason. "Well, we could go this way..."

Licking her lips, Fluttershy redoubled her paltry efforts. "But if I could just have a second..."

"Uh-huh." Twilight jabbed a corner of the map. "No, we want to avoid that!"

Sensing her opportunity, Fluttershy pounced like a wild, cuddly beast. "So, um, I was thinking that, um, maybe I should just stay--"

BAMF

Fluttershy just about jumped out of her skin as a pink unicorn with teal-striped purple mane appeared out of nowhere right beside her. She yelped as she was lifted into the air by turquoise magic.

"'Scuse me, Twilight," the mare said, having no more luck in drawing Twilight's attention than Fluttershy. "Need to borrow this a sec!"

BAMF

"Uh-huh," said Twilight.

"P-please, Miss," Fluttershy said, voice trembling as she was hauled through the air by the strange unicorn. "I d-don't mean to be a bother, but I would be ever so appreciative if you would put me--"

"We're here," the mare said, dumping Fluttershy unceremoniously on the ground.

That was when Fluttershy realized where here was: right in front of a deep, dark cave at the top of a tall, gusty mountain. She didn't have time to get in a proper freak out, however; the other mare stepped between her and the cave, lifting her chin with a hoof.

"So, hi there," she said, smiling brightly. "My name's Starlight Glimmer. This is technically the first time we've met, but in the future, I'm your friend."

Starlight took a few steps back, toward the cave.

Fluttershy was too petrified to speak.

"And if there's one thing I know about you," Starlight continued, "it's that you might be a scaredy-pony on the outside, but you'll always come through in a big way when your friends are in danger."

She took a few more steps closer to the cave.

"So I'm just going to head in there--" she tilted her horn toward the cave mouth-- "and wait for you to come in after me and tell that dragon off. Then the smoke will clear up and we can all go home! Sound good? Great! Don't keep me waiting, I'll only be in mortal danger, ha ha!"

With that, Starlight trotted into the cave as though she were headed to a party.

Fluttershy could only stare after her.

The mountaintop grew silent, save for the winds that whistled around the peak.

Fluttershy continued to stare into the cave's obsidian maw.

There came a sound like somepony giving a high-pitched, nervous laugh.

Fluttershy heaved herself to her hooves at long last.

The ear-shattering roar shook the dust and rocks outside the cave.

Fluttershy backed away down the twisting path that led up the mountainside.

Then there was a sound not unlike what you get when someone falls down and breaks a lot of bones all at once. Yeah. Someone definitely fell down and broke some bones in there, Fluttershy.

...Fluttershy?

Oh dear. It would seem she's left us.

I suppose the same can be said for poor Starlight.

Guess she didn't think this one through too well.

GAME OVER

With a clap of a thunder and a burp of aether, Starlight Glimmer appeared in the past, standing atop the unnamed mountain that used to overlook Ponyville. (It was razed after the particular incident she was here to short-circuit.) The lump of grey plastic affixed around her neck purred contentedly.

"Okay, you giant sack of dragon fuck," she grumbled to herself. "Time to end this."

Lighting her horn, she stomped her way into the dragon's deep, dark, smoke-emitting cave, because she was Starlight "GlimGlam" Glimmer, and Glimmy don't give no fucks.

"Yo, wake the shit up!" she roared, rounding the corner to where she could see the hoard of crap that glittered in her horn light. Okay, maybe it more glimmered, whatever.

One pony-sized eyelid cracked open to regard her.

"I'm here to tell you to knock this mess off, get the eff out, and don't come back unless you want this horn up your ass!" She glared daggers into the eye. Ballsy. "Capiche?"

All she got for her troubles -- and, let's be real, hubris -- was a face full of smoke.

Coughing and sputtering, she staggered to the room's entrance.

"Don't say--" She choked on the last remnants of smoke in her lungs. That'd be two years off the end of her life. "Don't say I didn't warn you." She wiped her mouth, then produced something from her saddlebag.

It was like a small lantern or something. It was round and plastic, and she used her magic to turn its clockish face until the image lined up and showed a pony head in silhouette instead of the garble it was before. She jammed the button on top of it.

"ESSU ZI!" said the little fucker.

She jammed it onto the right side of the bigger plastic thingy around her neck, which began ticking. Standing on her hind legs, she did like a cool Tai Chi pose and shouted, "Henshin!" (Translator's note: 'Hensin' means 'Change'.) Then she swung her leg down and knocked the doodad around her neck into a wicked 360. Like, it could catch major air while grinding a rail or something, I dunno.

"Rider... time!" said the lump of grey crap in like, the most bored voice ever. And then from out of nowhere, some asshat sang, "KAMEN RAIDAAAA! Essu Zi!" like they was in an 80's hair metal band or some shit. God, what?

The number 2018 scrolled past the screen, and then she was on her hooves and wearing weird armor that looked like a wristwatch. I shit you not, they don't even use wristwatches in 2018 anymore. Who came up with this? Someone literally thought this was a good idea and got paid real money for it. Think about that when you go to work tomorrow.

Anyway, this got the dragon's full attention. He was starting to think that maybe this little shitstain of a pony was worth his time, by which I mean worth setting on fire and eating. So he rose himself up to his full height and snorted out a little flame just to show the pony who they were dealing with, y'know, who was boss. Only problem was, there wasn't enough him to go around.

Starlight launched herself at the dragon, running right into his arm. The dragon screeched, more from surprise than from the pain, but that was okay, because the pain was coming.

She threw lightning-fast punches and kicks all up the dragon's arm, and then down his chest, and then like, back around his butt or something, I don't know dragon physiology. Point is, she beat the crap out of every square inch of him for a solid, like, twenty seconds. She even kicked him right in the nose, hot damn.

By the end of it, that dragon was a snivelling heap on the floor of his cave. He was even thinking about maybe offering some of his gold coins to get the pony to stop. Just a few, mind you; dragons are kind of dumb that way.

"HAAAAAH!" shouted Starlight, because it was really important for you to know exactly the sound she was shouting while she powered up with golden light or some shit.

She launched high into the air, juuuuust missing out on scraping the ceiling. Kicking off from the rock above her, she flipped around and rocketed down on the dragon's head with one leg outstretched.

"RAIDAH KIKKU!"

The impact left a relatively tiny mark in the dragon's forehead, right between his eyes, in the shape of the word "KICK".

Then the dragon exploded.

When the smoke cleared, all that was left was Starlight "Zettai Yurusenai" Glimmer and a pile of worthless fucking gems and shit. I mean, it was worth a lot to you or me, sure, but ponies have that kinda bling growin' out they walls.

Her grey thingy dinged, and the time spell sucked her out into the next one of these.

And that's how Kamen Rider S-Zi saved Ponyville from the mysterious cloud of black smoke that was threatening to plunge it into a hundred years of darkness. And nopony even thanked her. Ingrates.

Okay, here's the short version of what I posted above, more appropriate as a chapter. Use whichever one you want, Shakes!

Starlight Glimmer appeared in a flash at the doorstep of the Golden Oak Library, reluctantly disguised as Twilight Sparkle. She resisted the urge to look around—the clock was ticking.

She immediately spotted Rarity and Applejack shouting at each other in a nearby park. Broken branches and little topiary ponies swirled around them and flew away in the wind of the breaking storm, and they didn’t care. Starlight couldn’t hear what they were saying over the weather, but they sure were angry. And they were right up in each other’s faces—

A bolt of lightning struck close by and a boom of thunder rattled the air. Colored spots danced in Starlight’s vision, but she could see that her two friends were now wrapped tightly around each other, staring. And neither of them made a move to let the other go.

Starlight laughed. The solution was so obvious.

“Sheesh! No wonder they’re cranky,” she said. She charged her horn again and cast a spell before they could separate.

The wind surged hard and swirled tighter around the two mares, pushing their heads together until they were locked into a surprising kiss. Rarity and Applejack stared at each other with wide eyes for a few tense seconds—then their eyes closed, and their kiss really got going. Wind and soaking rain howled around them, lightning flashed, and thunder boomed! But they were oblivious.

Starlight howled with laughter and cupped her hooves in front of her muzzle to shout a final encouragement at the two tongue-wrestling ponies.

“Get a room, you guys!”

Then she disappeared in a flash, just as the door of the library tree began to open behind her.

Twilight Sparkle stepped out and stared in shock at her friends for a moment, but soon came to her senses. Her shout barely reached the mares through the howling of the storm.

“Applejack! Rarity! Come inside, girls, quick!”

The two friends pulled apart a little, watching each other and breathing heavily. Applejack raised an eyebrow.

“Did you hear anything, sugarcube?” she shouted. Rarity smiled and shouted back.

“Oh no, darling, I’m sure it was only the wind.” Her wet mane fell against Applejack’s muzzle as she leaned in and spoke into her friend’s ear. “Sweetie Belle is with my parents.”

“Awww,” Twilight cooed. “It’s great to see them finally getting along, Spike! I mean hey, really getting along...”

“If you say so,” Spike said, glaring as the two mares quickly turned to leave.

“You know, I think this might be perfect weather for some hot cocoa—”

“With marshmallows,” Spike added, sighing as his eyes followed Rarity.

Twilight stared as the two galloping ponies finally disappeared in the direction of the Carousel Boutique.

“And maybe a good romance novel,” Twilight added. “Mettle and Mis-Judgement.”

Spike rolled his eyes. “Again? Really, Twilight?”

Twilight had the good grace to blush.

“Yeah. I’ll um, you know, be in my room.”

"AAAA! Who are you, and why do you intrude
within my house, pink snobby unicorn?
In peaceful woods, the imposition's rude:
At home, intrusion is not to be borne!"

As Zecora recoiled and half-cowered behind her own cauldron, the mysterious visitor (who'd effortlessly bypassed any number of protective wards and cantrips that the studious zebra knew to be sound) began to speak.

"Shut up for just a moment, if you please:
I've business to conduct, and we will see
how best to soothe Ponyville's perfidies…
And if we can't," she winked, "the pizza's free!"

Zecora glowered suspiciously at her.

"Invite me not, oh wayward mare. Despite
your pride, you're not impressing me today.
You've given me no better than a fright.
What even is a pizza anyway?"

The smirking pink unicorn was undaunted, advancing on Zecora with chin high and tail higher.

"So, listen: lose the cloak. Like, YESTERDAY.
The ponies in this town are cute but dumb.
You're scaring them with your dark spooky ways
and to your door their angry hooves will drum.
They'll picture you an evil wicked mare,
who wrecks their wings and makes their horns go flop,
and many other things both foul and fair…
Don't worry. I got this. That tale will stop."

Zecora blinked, flared her nostrils, and the conversation got more heated.

"My cloak serves well! It shields my coat from thorns!"

"It's scaring them. Well, not the unicorns."

"Why should I care what causes them alarm?"

"I told you, they'll believe you've done them harm."

"They won't. I have done nothing to them, miss."

"They will once they've all trampled over THIS…"

The pink unicorn's horn lit, and lifted into view from behind her a large bundle of…

Zecora shrieked, her eyes wide, flinching back from the unwelcome sight.

"That's Poison Joke! How dare you taint my home
with pony hazards and dire zebra bane!
Get out of here! Be missing! Gallop! Roam!
And don't come back until you grow a…"

"SANE zebras," interrupted the pink unicorn, "trust the clever ponies who
help fix their future problems far and near.
Relax, dear stripey-butt, this won't hurt you:
It's sealed and hasn't touched one surface here."

Zecora subsided, glaring in frustration at the cocky unicorn. Sure enough, a telltale glimmer showed that the deadly leaves of Poison Joke were well insulated: she would not grow stray appendages or break out in neon colors from touching anything with Poison Joke residue on it. She cleared her throat.

"You speak of future problems, snotty mare:
I take it you forsee my own distress?
You're from the future, somewhen or somewhere?
You're here to fix a mess I haven't messed?"

The pink unicorn beamed, as if Zecora had done a rather clever trick, or gone a whole evening without having an accident on the carpet. There was no carpet, but she was just as delighted as if there was not only a fine carpet, but an entirely unsullied one at that.

"Exactly! Now remember, lose the cloak.
Find some excuse to meet the Apple clan.
The filly there is solid as an oak:
If anyone can help you here, she can.
You'll meet the ponies, nervous ones or brave.
You'll find new friends, which is their biggest joy.
Much grief and tribulation will you save:
Your love and theirs will prove a fine alloy."

Zecora's eyes were wide again. Unexpectedly, the annoying pink unicorn had proven some sort of super-pony, coming from the future to do good deeds without any reward. Zecora's gaze softened as she thought of the little pony community, so cute and pretty, viewed always at a distance from the depths of a dark, concealing cloak. Perhaps… yes, perhaps she could trust them to be true friends, even though she was a zebra. Indeed, she could help them in turn, with her herbal preparations and wisdom of the ages, passed down from zebra to zebra, but never shared with other creatures! That, too, could be the meaning of friendship.

She looked at the pink interloper with new respect.

"It will be so. I'll do just as you say.
My gratitude goes with you, stranger mare.
You bring to me a brighter, warmer day.
What service can I give you, half as fair?"

The unicorn blinked. "Oh! I'll be needing about nine to fifteen of those flowers. Don't ask."

Zecora's jaw dropped. The unicorn, apparently thinking her verbal misstep was the issue, hastened to explain.

"I give to you this dreaded harvest dire:
Fresh Poison Joke: keep carefully and well!
And if I've got a touch of marely fire,
well, hey, I'm Starlight Glimmer, what the hell?"

Zecora regarded her suspiciously.

"You're going to use the leaves of Poison Joke?"

"Not on myself. Hey, why not go for broke?"

"What do you plan to break, if you so dare?"

"Some records? Or, some private bits of mare?"

"You shall not hurt nice ponies in this spree!"

"No, it's all right! The breakage might be me!"

"Explain yourself! This fills me with alarm!"

"I swear to you, there won't be lasting harm!"

Zecora paused, studying the strange pink unicorn. Nine flowers of Poison Joke wasn't enough to harm many ponies: she was being given the bulk of the deadly harvest. It seemed the weird mare had some very specific plan in mind for a relatively low dosage: enough to make things odd for a small pony group, or to powerfully affect a single pony if they consumed every petal willingly.

"Perhaps. If you speak truth, you bring a boon.
I see some honesty within your eye,
yet there's a mischief that you're plotting soon.
I call upon you now, to tell me why."

Starlight Glimmer actually blushed.

"I've got some plans for Mister Fluttershy."

Zecora stared at her, levelly, for second after second. Then she nodded, and spoke.

"Never tell me any more. Go in peace, pink uni-"

"Thanks!" said Starlight Glimmer, and left with fifteen flowers… to be sure.

20. Green Isn't Your Color

Twilight paced in her position back-stage. The music was building, it was about time for Fluttershy’s cue, and for Twilight to intentionally nosedive the shy pegasus’ modeling career.

As soon as Fluttershy took her first tentative step onto the runway, her horn lit. The air smelled of ozone, and a ball of light swelled and popped, lightning snapping off its corona and grounding on nearby metallic objects.

When the dazzle left her eyes, a pale-lavender pony stood in front of her, consulting a book. Her own horn lit a cheerful turquoise, and Twilight felt a ward drop.

“Simple telekinesis, really Twilight? You should have gone with something flashier.”

Twilight watched as Fluttershy’s pupils shrank to pinpricks, and her expression hardened. The only time she'd seen the shy pegasus look like that had been confronting the dragon.

She didn't demurely creep as she normally did, instead she strutted in a way that would have made Rainbow Dash green with envy.

The reedy crackle of Photo Finish’s voice raised above the crowd murmur, some stage direction or another. Fluttershy snapped her muzzle around like a raptor seeking prey and flared her wings aggressively.

“No.”

That simple word, a steel dagger sheathed in the silk of ‘Shy’s voice. She slowly built to a shout, advancing to the edge of the stage.

“This has gone on far enough! You've embarrassed me, humiliated my best friend who only wanted to sew outfits for your photo shoots, dragged me all over Equestria!”

She raised her chin and glared daggers down at the Earth pony.

“I don't give a flying feather who you think you are. We're going to do things the way I want to, or not at all.”

Photo Finish shook under the onslaught of Fluttershy’s full fury… and began snapping photographs. As if she hadn't noticed, Fluttershy stepped off the stage and advanced down the center aisle. Rarity had just entered and caught the whole scene, and had time for a small gasp before she was wrapped in a wing and ushered out the door.

“We've got a spa appointment, I think?”

Starlight fixed Twilight with a sideways smirk, a circle of light glowing around her hooves.
“A simple Enrage charm. She'll snap out of it right around the time that she's got her tongue down Rarity’s throat. ‘ta, Twilight, see you in five years!”

Another flash of light and the pony was gone, leaving Twilight so nonplussed she was nearly minused.

Starlight Glimmer wasn’t a stranger to a good, solid facehoof. Suffice to say, the pantomime playing out in front of her as she warped in prompted exactly that reaction.

“Hey, Pinkie. C’mere.” Gilda drawled, less than a yard away from where Starlight hovered in midair. Pinkie Pie — much to Starlight’s frustration — pedaled closer on a thoroughly inexplicable contraption towards the Griffon, who abruptly grabbed onto its supporting rod and pulled Pinkie to within mere inches of her weird, beaky face.

“Don’t you know how to take ‘get lost’ for an answer?” Gilda hissed. “Dash doesn’t need to hang with a dweeb like you now that I’m around. You’re —”

“Uh, I’m pretty sure you got that backwards. She can only hang out with dweebs these days.” Starlight rolled her eyes as Gilda let go and spun in her direction.

“Who are you? What are you doing here? Wait, lemme guess: Dweebs just sort of magically spring out of nowhere around here.” Gilda pointed an accusatory talon. “I don’t need you — ”

“You kind of do. Look. Look at how happy Rainbow Dash is.” Starlight pointed at Rainbow Dash, who was currently doing her best impression of the world’s most oblivious acrobat.

Gilda rolled her eyes and tilted her head towards Rainbow Dash. “Yeah, I’m looking.”

“Do you think she honestly gets you anymore?”

“Huh?” Pinkie Pie and Gilda echoed in tandem.

“If she really wasn’t happy hanging out with dweebs, don’t you think she would have ditched this scene long ago? But she’s still here.”

“That doesn’t…” Gilda faltered. “I mean…”

“Look, if she got you, she’d know what it’s like to live in Griffonstone. I know what that life’s like better than anypony else here, you aside. You think Rainbow Dash understands what being poor is like? Much less actually thinking about how bad you’ve got it?”

“I...I mean…”

“You think she cares enough to even learn about you? About how you live? About how lonely you are? Do you think she cares about any of that? Or do you think she did the easier thing and just learned to hang out with the dweebs, doing dweeby things with them until she didn’t think about being un-dweeby unless somepony barged into her house?”

Pinkie froze, mouth open, unable to articulate her thoughts. Gilda was silent, but the tremble in her body said enough.

“She’s as lame as everypony else now. Has been for months, at least. I mean, you can always ask her and prove me wrong. See what kind of letters she’s written to you! Figured out what postcards to throw your way! I’m sure that’ll be really enlightening. But, y’know. This is just from one dweeb about another.” Starlight smirked and offered Gilda the smuggest shrug ever witnessed in the past four centuries. “You can always ask.”

Starlight shouldn’t have taken delight in the way Gilda’s tail drooped, or the way her claws clenched onto bits of cloud. “Shouldn’t have” wasn’t the same of “didn’t,” though.

“Try matching that!” Rainbow Dash whooped as she pulled in for a landing. “Hey, why—”

“Rainbow Dash, you are such a massive freaking jerk!”

Gilda spread her wings and rocketed off into the sky, leaving a chestnut blur and piercing screech in her wake. Rainbow’s jaw dropped as she she stared at the spot where Gilda had been. Pinkie’s jaw stayed in a bewildered gape as she stared at the all-knowing, all-benevolent unicorn. Starlight, meanwhile, had the class and decency to keep her jaw firmly shut.

“Um...did something happen?” Rainbow Dash finally said.

“I think...I think we should go after her.” Pinkie mumbled. “I think her feelings were really hurt by—”

“Nope! Job’s finished, lessons were learned, everypony wins!” Starlight clapped her hooves. “You can take the rest of the day off if you want. I’m out of here.”

And then a beautiful pearl of wisdom sunk into Starlight’s brain.

“Oh, and here’s a freebie friendship lesson.” Starlight told Pinkie, pointing an accusatory hoof at Rainbow Dash. “She’s a sucky prankster, because she’s going to be a massive jerk about her pranks a few years down the line. Not that you can do anything about that, but for the record? I told you so.”

Basking in the warm glow of her own brilliance, Starlight’s horn flared as she popped out of existence once more.

26. The Best Night Ever

The basement of Golden Oaks Library was dark, and full of mares chained to one another.

“At least we can still spend the night together!” Pinkie said.

Rarity sobbed loudly. Fluttershy, whose face was pressed uncomfortably against Rarity’s, cringed and sputtered as a veritable deluge of tears threatened to drown her.

Twilight scowled. “Pinkie, I understand you’re trying to look on the bright side here—”

“No, I approve of how she’s able to see the actual service I’m doing for you all,” came the voice whom the mane six had all grown to loathe, what with it belonging to the mare who had chained them all up in an uncomfortable bundle in Twilight’s basement and all. A pale glow lit the room, casting long shadows in the dim light, but it was just strong enough to make out the smug grin of the pony producing it. “I mean, not in a more overarching sense, of course—”

The sound of chains rattling filled the room as Applejack thrashed around. Rainbow and Fluttershy, who were packed on either side of her like sardines, grunted as she uncomfortably smashed her bound limbs into their sides. “I swear, if y’all don’t let us loose right now, I’m going to—”

“Struggle against the chains futilely? I mean, not to polish my own horn here—”

“Gross,” Rainbow muttered.

“—but these are some pretty resilient chains. Even put a proper charm on them so Rarity and Twilight can’t weasel out.” The mare laughed and slowly began to trot away. “You know, the best part about this is that you’ll actually teach me this spell.” She gestured to Twilight.

“I am certain I don’t want to find out the circumstances under which I thought it necessary to do such,” Twilight said with a grim shiver. “Also, who are you?”

“A friend. A very, very good friend.” The mare had begun to trot away towards the steps leading out of the basement, but she paused, and turned her head back before giving the mares in bondage a knowing smirk. “Trust me, you didn’t want to be at the Gala tonight anyway.”

The entirety of the main ballroom of Canterlot Palace was coated in a thick layer of lime-green slime. The horrible ooze monstrosity that Starlight had dropped in moments before going to kidnap the mane six and force them all into a chain sushi roll was bubbling and splattering across everypony and everything. Terrified and confused Canterlot socialites scrambled about, wailing as The Smooze grew larger and larger in size and began to engulf everything in sight.

Princess Celestia watched this all unfold with a slowly widening smile.

“This really is the best night ever,” she said, a single tear of pure joy rolling down her cheek.

Patriotic music began to blare from a tiny speaker attached to a film projector as Starlight Glimmer popped into existence. Even given that said film projector was old enough to belong in a museum, the general music quality was low enough that Starlight desperately wished that her mission was to drop the whole thing into a volcano and set the volcano on fire.

“Every living thing depends on the life-giving nourishment of rainwater!” piped the video’s far-too-enthusiastic announcer. “And it is up to Cloudsdale to provide rain-filled clouds to every corner of Equestria! But how, one pony might ask, does Cloudsdale gather all this extra water?”

Not wanting to sully her magic by levitating the reel, Starlight warped over, picked the projector up with her hoof and threw it as hard as she could against the wall. The solid crunch of irreparable metals shattering against solid wood was worth even more than the shocked expressions on everypony’s faces.

“Me!” Starlight chirped. “They get me to do it.”

“Wait, what just happened?” Rainbow Dash sputtered. “Haven’t I seen you—”

“Back in a bit!” Starlight announced, vanishing in another puff of aquamarine magic. It took a bit for her eyes to adjust to the dim evening light as she reappeared in front of the Official Ponyville Highland Reservoir. It would have taken a truly powerful unicorn to lift such an enormous volume of water even an inch out of the reservoir, much less a foot.

Good thing Starlight Glimmer was several dozen notches about “truly powerful.”

“Hup!” She huffed as he horn glowed, lifting the entire contents of the reservoir out of the basin with the ease of a mother lifting an infant and/or the ease of a talented unicorn destroying an indescribably awful film projector. One more huff and intensified glow from her horn, and the body of water rocketed into the air, soaring like a majestic liquid meteor directly into the Official Cloudsdale Water Storage Basin.

Starlight relaxed just long enough to summon up a set of Officially Super Cool Sunglasses, then warped straight back into the Golden Oak Library. Not only did the sunglasses protect her eyes from the sharp adjustment in light intensity, but they made her look wicked impressive in front of Spike and a bunch of ponies that, honestly, weren’t worth her time.

“Aw, man!” Spike moaned. “It’s never gonna get fixed like this!”

“Good. I’m pretty sure actually exposing other ponies to that nightmare is a federal offense.” Starlight replied. “One last thing.”

“Hey!” Rainbow Dash squeaked. “Stop interrupting—”

“La la la la I can’t hear you, featherbrain.” Starlight Glimmer replied as she froze time. Calmly, like it Weren’t No Thang, she strolled over to Fluttershy and tapped the buttery-colored pegasus on the head.

“W-what?” Fluttershy squeaked as she unfroze from time. “W-who—”

“Your fairy godmother from the future. Listen, the rainwater business is done. You’re off the hook. But you need to do yourself a favor, okay?” Starlight leaned in a little closer. “I know the real reason why being fearless now is good for future you.”

Fluttershy blinked. “Uh?”

“There’s an actual payoff to being bold, trust me. All you need to do is act as brave as you possibly can and put as much trust in all of your friends as your friends put in you, and you’ll find yourself a really good coltfriend in a little under a year.”

“U-um…”

“My personal objections aside, you’ll like him. He’s got an impish sense of humor, a nice smile and the world biggest...uh, heart. Yeah. Heart is what I meant.”

Color rushed into Fluttershy’s face. For a second, Starlight was worried that she might have just caused Fluttershy’s death via blood loss. But then the Pegasus’ blush settled into something more reasonable, and she lifted her hoof in an actual freaking salute.

“Yes, ma’am!” Fluttershy replied. “I’ll try!”

“That’s the spirit!” Starlight grinned. “Glad to see your priorities are, uh, straight. Now, time’s gonna unfreeze itself in about ten seconds, and I’ve got somewhen else I need to be. Try to act scared so the others don’t get suspicious, okay? Ciao.”

And as Starlight warped out of existence, part of her wished that she could have done it as stylishly as her glasses suggested: with a metric buttload of explosions going off behind her. But the other part of her knew she couldn’t do that. It would be rude, and more importantly it would be over two years off-schedule.

Twilight stared, open mouthed, at the creature that screeched, roared, gargled and flew at breakneck speeds above Ponyville, scaring the ponies below, all while a madly-giggling Rainbow Dash performed loop-de-loops around it, challenging it to try new tricks.

The creature had three bird heads: an Eagle on the right, a Hawk on the left, and a Toucan in the middle… all of the heads had small, bat-like fangs and it moved with uncanny efficiency. It's screeches were oddly musical.

Massive, pink wings flapped almost in a blur under a gigantic, solid turtle-like shell, colored like a monarch butterfly's wing design, it's two front legs were thin, like a flamingo's, the rear legs were thick and reptilian, like a tortoise's.

"What the actual hay?!" Twilight finally manage to gasp out.

"Hey, Twilight!" Rainbow Dash called out. "How do you like my pet? I call it: MEGAPET!"

Twilight could hear the uppercase in Rainbow Dash's excitement. "That's not a real thing! You were supposed to pick an animal you liked for a pet!

"But I love MEGAPET!"

"Chill, Twilight," a voice that Twilight had hoped not to hear again said.

She slowly turned around, eyes narrowed as she glared at the other unicorn. "You."

"Yep!" Starlight Glimmer said, her smile unwavering. "I have fixed yet another friendship problem! Why choose a cool pet when you can have them all?!"

She shifted uncomfortably close to Twilight, whispering in her ear in a way that made it twitch. "And even better, this one won't make Applejack cry."

"Applejack never cries!"

"She does. She just cries on the inside," Starlight assured her, ticking her checklist. "Anyway, I'm done here! See ya!"

POOF!

"One day, mysterious unicorn!" Twilight shouted to the sky, "one day!"

A shadow lurked along the corridor of the Ponyville Maternity Ward.

As six ponies trotted unwarily down that same corridor, a nefarious pink figure lurked in that same shadow, and seizing her moment, lashed out… and then there were five, for a frozen instant in time, and two pink figures became none for that fractured interval.

Within an unknown dimension of nonspace, Starlight Glimmer's magic jammed a baby's pacifier into Pinkie Pie's mouth before Pinkie could even draw a breath. The cunning preparation of hypnotic elixirs which coated the pacifier took effect instantly, and those curious, innocent blue eyes glazed over. Reflexively, Pinkie sucked on the pacifier, and was further taken into the sway of the insidious enchantress… and Starlight spoke.

"You love to travel. There's nothing you'd like better than to frost a cake literally while it rolls on its way to a huge catering order. You'd love to take Mr. and Mrs. Cake's place and help them meet their work responsibilities, because you hate…" Starlight hesitated, and refined her approach on the fly, "…changing diapers and caring for babies, and would never consider doing that. You love playing with babies, but baby poop? Ew! And so you would never offer to care for the Cake twins, but you'd love to help Mommy and Daddy Cake do it by offering to bake and frost for them, which you're very capable of doing."

Pinkie Pie blinked, with a dainty 'poink-poink' noise, and made no objection other than to take another slurp on her baby pacifier.

Starlight Glimmer sighed. "Good, that ought to work." Her magic yanked the pacifier out of Pinkie's mouth with a comical 'poit', and she turned and prepared to drop the pink pony back into Ponyville space at the very location and instant she'd been taken… but then she froze, because a voice behind her spoke.

"How come?"

Starlight whirled, to see Pinkie Pie looking back at her and making a gentle frowny-face.

"How'd you do that?" gasped Starlight. "My magic is much more powerful than…"

"Fourth wall breaky, you silly," chided Pinkie. "It'll work, I can tell you that. When I go back to Ponyville, I'll be ready to bake like crazy, and I won't even remember any of this. But I'm the only pony who can break the fourth wall anytime I want, and that means I know what you did, so I wanna know how come. Because… it seems like maybe what you did, is a meanie McMeanersons meanie-pants thing to do. And I'm onto ya."

Starlight gulped.

"I mean it, Glim-Glam. How come? Tell the truth or Pinkie's gonna be miffed with you." said Pinkie Pie.

Starlight took a deep breath.

"Okay, I will. You're obsessed with taking care of the babies, but in several important ways you're no more than a baby yourself, hence my choice of a pacifier for you. What you'll do is embarrass yourself over and over, never really learning any lessons from the disasters you'll face. You'll do your Pinkie things again and again, making chains and things appear from nowhere, and it won't even help. Those babies are more than a match for you, and you'll fail so hard with them that you'll bawl and cry in complete despair, helpless to do what you promised… and the BABIES will come to your rescue. Not by being adult, but by doing the same dumb stuff you were doing to amuse them! It's not responsible, and it's not okay, and it might be okay if you learn a lesson and keep your distance until you know how to adult better, but then you'll hear the babies say your name and it's off to the races again! It's really for your own good because that situation is just unhealthy for you. And that's how come."

She stared into those eerily innocent blue eyes, searching them. There was no sign the pink party pony had understood a word.

"D… do you understand, Pinkie Pie?"

Pinkie blinked, with another cheerful poinky noise.

"Seems legit. Thanks, Glimmy! Have fun being lots worse and getting away with it just as bad as I would've!"

Her eyes glazed over again. Hastily, Starlight Glimmer plunked her back into Ponyville-space, and then Starlight shrank back into the dark shadow from which she'd come. She watched the six ponies trot off, seemingly undisturbed but in one case slyly adjusted, and she realized her heart was pounding.

"Well, THAT was disturbing," she whispered to herself.

Rarity let out an irritated grunt as she tripped over the little white saddlebag in the middle of her showroom floor.

"Oh, Sweetie Belle," she groused, lifting it into the air. "Was she raised in a barn or something?"

A rolled paper slid out from the loose flap, catching her attention, and she gasped. A sudden insatiable curiosity gripped Rarity's mind. She eyed the paper like a dog watching a strip of bacon cook on the stovetop.

"You really shouldn't be snooping, Rarity," she said, her better nature trying vainly to assert itself.

That was when Starlight Glimmer asserted herself on the front door of Carousel Boutique.

"No," she said loudly as the door blew inward, covering all and sundry in a shower of tiny yet aesthetically pleasing wooden shards. "You really shouldn't."

Rarity stared at the strange mare who had just destroyed her front door. Shock and anger warred over her tongue, rendering it still. This gave Starlight the opening she needed to storm up and attempt to snatch the paper from her magic. I say 'attempt' because Rarity was somehow clinging to it like a barnacle to the side of a ship despite her current lack of coherent thought.

So Starlight flicked her horn.

It made a "boioioing!" sort of noise and interrupted both Rarity's inner turmoil and her magic. Starlight scooped up the paper, shoved it back into the saddlebag, and secured the flap.

"Ow!" shouted Rarity.

Starlight snickered. "You know, if that didn't look like it hurt, I'd do it again. The sound was hilarious."

"How dare you!" Rarity sputtered. "Coming in here and destroying my-- And, and assaulting--"

"No, how dare you." Starlight thumped the saddlebag into Rarity's chest, knocking the wind out of her. "As I speak, your little sister and her friends are trying to get their cutie marks in journalism, and unless you want her to get the idea that snooping through your sister's things is okay if you really want to do it, I suggest you go with your first instinct with regards to her bags."

Rarity stared blankly at Starlight. "B-but, I, I..."

"She'll publish--" Starlight pushed her nose up against Rarity's-- "your diary."

A refined but otherwise terrified shriek coursed through the boutique.

Snorting, Starlight unleashed a few precious seconds of temporal energy from the spell holding her in the timeline, sending the wood shards rocketing back into the door frame, whole. "Now go give that back to Sweetie Belle. You can thank me in three years, once we're friends."

Not even turning to look at Rarity, Starlight vanished with a pop and a ding.

Rarity would have stared at the spot she vanished from for quite possibly the rest of the day had Sweetie Belle not stomped down the stairs in a huff.

"Can you please keep it down with all the shouting and explosions? I'm trying to-- Hey!" She gave her older sister an indignant look, rushing up to her and grabbing her saddlebag. "Were you snooping through my things?"

Rarity blinked. She looked at her sister with nothing but concern. And confusion. And possibly indigestion.

"No," she said truthfully. "No, I was not." She frowned a dainty frown and added, "And you really shouldn't leave your things in the middle of the floor, dear. Somepony could trip over them and get hurt!"

"Sorry," Sweetie mumbled. Donning the saddlebag, she huffed her way back upstairs, muttering, "Won't do it again."

In the day that followed, she and her friends would agree that being kicked off the school newspaper was not the worst thing that had ever happened to them, as it meant they didn't have to work for Diamond Tiara for the rest of their school careers.

"The editor-in-chief is the pony in charge," said Cheerilee to her attentive class, "from choosing the stories to making sure it gets to press on time. Now, as I said, we have a new editor this year!"

She motioned to the door, which opened somehow, revealing none other than...

"Diamond Tiara?" shouted the students in dismay, disbelief, and dyspepsia.

Diamond flicked her mane over her shoulder, giving her classmates and smug and smoldering look. She opened her mouth, likely to say something disparaging, but was cut off as somepony behind her shouted, "RAIDA KIKKU!"

She only had time to turn around and ask "W--" before she was blasted through the other wall of the Ponyville school house by an explosive kick. And when I say "explosive" I'm talking she literally flew up into the atmosphere and exploded.

With a ding and a plop, a small pink-rimmed plastic watch-looking thing landed next to the pony who had Rider Kicked Diamond Tiara into eternity.

Said pony was wearing full-body plastic armor that kind of looked like a red dragon, and there was a big grey plastic thing around her neck. And when I say "around her neck", I mean it was actually situated right in front of her chest, because I know some pedant's going to be like "But how do it spins around lol?" like shit, no, it's not right up against her goddamn neck, work with me here.

Anyway, everypony in the room was staring at her, open-mouthed.

"What?" asked Starlight "Shit Blows the Fuck Up" Glimmer.

"Did..." Cheerilee swallowed. "Did you just kill one of my students?"

"You'll thank me for it later," said Starlight through probably some kind of loudspeaker built into her armor. Should have mentioned that before.

She thrust a hoof out, pointing at the fat weirdo in the back of the classroom, the one wearing the fez. (No, the other fat weirdo in the back of the classroom, god.)

"You're the new editor-in-chief," she said.

"Now wait just a minute." Cheerilee had gotten her mare balls together and was seriously ready to face down this world-destroying equicide because that's how teachers do. "You can't just storm in here and dictate--"

"I can." Starlight's magic removed the red-rimmed plastic watch from the right side of her grey doohicky, which I'm gonna let y'all know right now is called the Siggu Driver. Okay? So I don't have to be coy about it anymore?

Anyway, she pulled the red watch off, and the dragon parts of her armor faded away into sparkles, leaving just the regular grey parts behind, because that watch had a picture of a dragon on it. She picked up the new pink watch, the one with a picture of Diamond Tiara's smug fucking face on it, clicked the little button on top of it, and it went, "Tiara!"

"Because I'm..."

She spun the Driver 360 degrees again, because that's how this works for some reason, and the thing shouted, "KAMEN RAIDAAAAA! Essu-Zi!" It projected a silhouette of Diamond Tiara in front of her, and she spun around and kicked it.

"Armor Time!" said a guy who -- I am not kidding -- sounds like Homer fucking Simpson, and then the image literally exploded into a bunch of plastic bits that attached themselves to Starlight's Rider Armor. She got like, flowy purple-and-white mane and a crown and shit.

"Tiaraaaaa!" sang the appropriate toy.

Then she pointed at Cheerilee, emitted some kind of weird mind-control ray from her forehead, and said, "Fatso's the new editor-in-chief."

"Fatso's the new editor-in-chief," said Cheerilee, caught in a dream-like trance because she'd been fucking mind-controlled with Diamond Tiara powers. Because that's just how Starlight "Your Ass Is Mine" Glimmer rolls.

"Good." Then Starlight fucked off out the door.

Another friendship lesson, saved by Kamen Rider Essu-Zi! Or whatever, I guess.

“I’ll make your special recipe.”
Just then, there was a knock at the door of Fluttershy’s cabin. She had been arguing with her first and most personal pet Angel Bunny over what she made him for lunch, and now she worried that she might have been overheard by somepony else. “Oh, um, who is it?’
“Lunch delivery, here for a Mr Angel.”
Fluttershy whispered to Angel, “Why would you make such a fuss when you already ordered delivery? And since when did you know how to do that?” Angel shrugged in response, trying to express confusion over the situation, which Fluttershy abely picked up on. “That is strange…”
“This special orange, pineapple, and cucumber sunday with a cherry on top is only gonna be fresh for so long.”
On hearing this, Angel immediately shoved Fluttershy out of the way to open the door for the delivery pony. She was a cute, pink unicorn mare with purple hair and a cute little green uniform. “Ah, thank you so much. Here is your sunday.”
As if out of thin air, the sunday Angel had been craving appeared before him. He almost lept to dig in, but hesitated for a moment, reaching into pants that he was not wearing for a wallet that he did not own. The unicorn responded, “I accept cash, check, or the chance to pet a cute bunny.” Angel excitedly presented himself for pets and the unicorn was very gentle and loving with him.
At the same time, Fluttershy was watching and had found the courage to ask, “Um, so, how is it that you know my Angel Bunny?”
“Oh, we go way back,” she answered. “I’d love to go into it, but I don’t have a lot of time. We deliver in 30 seconds or it’s free!” She turned to Angel. “Bye, cutie!” And with that, she teleported away and was gone.
Fluttershy stood in confused silence for a minute while Angel pined after this mare who had just pet him, his despair hampered only by the bomb-as-heck sunday that she left for him. At last, Fluttershy asked, “Since when do you have a special marefriend?”

47

As reality tasted purple for a second, Starlight Glimmer popped into existence once again. And this time she hadn’t done so while occupying the same space as some other unfortunate creature which not having to clean the blood off of herself this time gave her at least 3 seconds longer than she had last week… or last minute, depending on whose point of view you were watching from.

The sky was dark. Until it wasn’t. A huge blast of light ignited only a few metres away from her letting her know this was the right spot/time. With that knowledge she looked over to a bizarre looking green dragon and just stared. The dragon waved with 3 different coloured legs. Starlight didn’t wave back. Instead she just looked over the bush as 3 [or was it 4? Who cares] dragons approached Spike.

“You got one? Alright! Looks like the raid wasn’t a complete waste after all.”

“So what do we do with it now?”

“Smash it!”

Some internal conflict played in Spike’s head as he raised it above his head. His conscious got the better of him as he lowered the egg and said “N-” the egg fell from his hand as if pushed by some unseen force. “Ah crap…” Spike muttered as it shattered on the ground.

The dragons immediately ate the horror on the ground in front of Spike that one could only ever know if they’ve cracked a baby bird into a mixing bowl before. What? Did you think they were their just to smash the eggs for fun. No, smashing them for fun was just a bonus.

Meanwhile, back in the bushes.

“What, whe-, why would you do that?” Twilight whisper-yelled at this mysteries unicorn.

“If anything, I’m saving that bird from suffering. From what I can tell it either died from Spike neglecting it, never being seen with it again or it gets killed because you also forget about it when Tirak blows up the library.” Starlight said without whisper before she loudly popped back out of existence leaving a smell of mach 5.

“When wot?!”

The fin

Meanwhile, back in Ponyville

“Twiley, are you home? Did you get the letter Celestia sent you telling you visiting to make sure you’re here before I’m busy for the next 3 weeks with the shield spell thing… hello?!”

Earlier

A weird looking green dragon walked up to an even weirder looking green dragon.

“Uh, Twilight dear. Something’s poking me… two somethings. Oh… oh my. Oh MY!!!”

Later

“At first I thought Garble was a bit of a douche but really all he did was help me out and show me how dragon society works. And thanks to him I was accepted amongst the dragons and had Ponyville deemed as my territory with outer holding of all of equestria. Now no dragon may lay claim to it  without my permission or face the Dragonlord’s wrath. Securing Equestria’s safety for generation to come! So what did you three get up to while I was on my quest?”

Twilight, Rainbow Dash and Rarity all sat around the table with him back in the library. Twilight was writing notes and examining the contents of a vial she’d collected. Rainbow Dash was covering her mouth, trying not to laugh at what she’d noticed was still in Rarity’s hair. And Rarity sat there with a disheveled mane still in shock, slightly shaking as her eye twitched remembering the newly discovered mating habits of the Crackle dragon subspecies. “I don’t want to talk about it…” as Rainbow Dash burst into laughter.

Starlight Glimmer watched the whole elaborate, nonsense spectacle unfold, shuddering the entire time.

It was a good thing she'd decided to pack her emergency earplugs, just in case. The Friendship Journal had said that Pinkie's smiles, songs, and songs about smiling often proved to be hypnotic... but if she hadn't seen the entirety of Ponyville prancing like a Bridleway musical for herself, she never would have believed it.

Back and forth between houses she ran, looking for any signs of it stopping, and coming up short every time. It seemed to last forever, until she finally saw a grizzled donkey slowly walking over the approaching Ponyville from the hills, and the path of Pinkie's song putting Pinkie right in his way.

Finally. This was the moment they'd met. And it would only be a moment, if Starlight had anything to say about it.

When she'd read the Journal's entry about Pinkie doing everything she could to near-force Cranky Doodle Donkey to be her friend, she'd done a triple-take in shock. Sometimes Starlight wondered just how far removed her old self and Pinkie Pie truly were. There were tactics in that journal that she'd resorted to herself, once upon a time, in the misguided names of "friendship" and "harmony."

But she'd learned her lesson—at least, she liked to think she had. If she could pass that lesson on to one of her friendship teachers... uh, retroactively, then it'd totally mean something! Right?

Maybe?

Starlight stopped thinking about it before her head started hurting, and focused instead on the winding down song and dance. Seeing her chance, she ran as fast as she could, looking for a certain other donkey in town that the Journal had described in great detail.

It wasn't long before Starlight found her. She ran directly into Matilda's path.

"Come with me if you want to live," Starlight said, gasping for breath. "Uh, happily, that is."

Matilda blinked. "I'm sorry? Begging your pardon, but I'm already pretty happy with my lot in li—"

"No time to argue!" Starlight exclaimed, grabbing Matilda's leg and teleporting her away.

"Now, how about that 'C'... hmmm... Calvin? Calhoun? Caleb? Carl? Carmi—eep!" Pinkie yelped, as she was grabbed from behind, and teleported away from Cranky Doodle Donkey. Starlight teleported back to Cranky, transporting Matilda back to where Pinkie had been just moments prior.

"Cranky, This is Matilda," she said, pushing Matilda in Cranky's direction. "Matilda, Cranky. Go ahead and enjoy each others' company—pretty sure you've been waiting for it for a while."

It took a few seconds for both donkeys to realize just who was in front of them—then their eyes widened. Still running on adrenaline, Starlight took that moment to teleport back to Pinkie, then exhaled, long and low. Finally, it was over.

Or maybe not.

"Starlight Glimmer?" Pinkie asked once she finally got her bearings. "What is going on? What did you just do? I was just about to make a new friiiieeeend!" she wailed.

"No you weren't, Pinkie," Starlight huffed. "Believe me, you were not. What you were about to do was make his life miserable."

"No way!" Pinkie said. "That's just not what Pinkie Pie does! Pinkie Pie makes everypony around them smi—"

Starlight grabbed Pinkie from behind, clamping her hoof tightly against Pinkie's muzzle. "Personal space, Pinkie. Personal space is an important concept. I'm in your personal space right now. Do you like it?"

"Mmmmph-mmm," Pinkie said, shaking her head.

Starlight let go, allowing Pinkie to catch her breath. "Yeah, no one does. Including Cranky when you inevitably push back against his playing hard to get."

"But... but everypony loves when Pinkie Pie is in their personal space! It's what gets them to smile!"

"Not this time. There's only one thing that'll get that donkey to smile." Starlight led Pinkie over to a bush, where the two had a vantage point to clearly see Matilda and Cranky, all smiles towards each other. "And now, you're looking at it."

Pinkie surveyed the scene. Her eyes widened, and she nodded sagely. "Oh, wow. Pinkie would never have figured that one out. At least not without first going through his personal belongings one by one, finding out his most treasured secret memories, and probably setting fire to them accidentally."

"That's right. Do you get it, now?"

"Do I ever! Thanks so much, Starlight! I'll definitely keep this in mind."

Starlight nodded, smiling in triumph... before her eyes narrowed, and a chill ran through her. She looked at Pinkie. "Keep what in mind, exactly?"

"That I'm working exactly as intended!" With a wide smile and flopping mane, Pinkie nodded as hard as she could. "Pinkie Pie can still make anypony smile! But Cranky's a donkey! I was just out of my comfort zone. I'll just avoid him—and Matilda, even though she and I were already good?—but the rest of Ponyville's gonna loooooooooooove me tomorrow!"

Humming to herself, Pinkie Pie bounced off to parts unknown.

With a cross between a shriek and a groan, Starlight Glimmer collapsed in defeat.

At least she'd saved Cranky's sanity.

Dark clouds and thunder nears the Apple family orchard as Applejack and Big Mac, right in the middle, watch the sky darkening and the once bare trees start making electrical noises and blue sparks emerge from the branches and circulates them towards the tip making big dark purple leaves sprout.

"There's the zap apple leaves," said Applejack, "right on schedule."

About the same time, on the other side of the orchand, a blast of magic appeared to show an excited Starlight Glimmer making appearance.

"Ohohohoho, I always wanted to see this!" and the clouds dispersed just as the last sparks disperse from the branches. "Aaaand it just ended," a unamused face clearly shown, "maybe I should have considered the distortion of this highly magical event before teleportation." pondered Starlight.

"Well, maybe I'll catch it on time on another easy lesson around this season, there's plenty of opportunities," Starlight took her copy of the Friendship Journal from her saddle bag and weighted it on her hoof, "which are, like, a lot more." Returning the Journal back on place Starlight proceeded to teleport right on time, this time.

"That's a sssplendid idea Diamond Tiara," said Cherilee cheerfully, "Apple Bloom, you should bring in Granny Smith on Monday for Family Appreciation Day"

The school bell rang and Cherilee made the last announcement for the day "Have a great weekend everypony." as she headed towards the exit of Ponyville's Schoolhouse, followed by all the students except Apple Bloom.

Still sitting on her student chair, Apple Bloom waited for everypony to leave so she could wail in despair peacefully "Granny Smith! On Monday!? I'll be the laughing stock of Ponyville!" Gradually raising her voice on the last words alongside her head to emphasize her torment and thumped her head on the desk as a final dramatic touch.

Sparks of magic emerged in front of her desk to finally blast Starlight Glimmer into existence.

"Apple Bloom!" Shouted Starlight, surprising the filly, therefore getting her complete attention and continued, "Granny Smith is part of your family, she protects and cares for you even for somepony her age," stops for split second, realizing what she just said, "SPECIALLY somepony her age, what I want to tell you is that even for her eccentric and sometimes, and to put it in nice words, archaic ways, it's not her intention to embarrass you, in fact, that's the special thing of grannies, they always find a way to embarrass us, it's part of what makes them special, but don't worry, you might even get to like it, who knows, maybe they have the most interesting stories to tell."

Starlight charged her horn for the next teleportation, but not before adding "That means, if you don't bring Granny Smith to Family Appreciation Day I'll make sure to place a copy of Diamond Tiara's cutie mark on your flank for the rest of your life."

And with a wink Starlight disappeared leaving Apple Bloom speechless, confused and alone.

There was a moment of silence before Apple Bloom said anything at all, "...Ah...wow...well...this actually feels like Déjà vu."

Pinkie Pie screamed a terrible, gut-wrenching scream. It was the kind of scream you expected to hear come from the first witness to a murder. The pink mare with the filly-esque attitude to everything important was staring in horror at the mutilation of the prize cake she had sworn to protect. Twilight, who stood beside her, had grown used to the varying ear drum destructive wails from Pinkie in the time that she’d known her, and quietly reminded herself of the restorative hearing spell she had back at home when she had returned from this trip.

“What is it?” yawned Applejack, steadying herself as the train-car they all rode one rocked from side to side steadily, not ceasing it’s journey to Canterlot for a glorified and now butchered fondant fancy.

“What happened?” asked Rainbow Dash uselessly. Applejack’s question had been quite sufficient.

“It's the Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness, it's been-” Pinkie took a quick gulp of sobbing breath before crying out, “mutilated!” Everyone gasped in horror as they stared at the destroyed corner of the cake.

“Now we just need to find out who done it,” stated the pink detective, examining the teeth marks in the cake.

“You mean, who did it,” offered her grammatically-savvy friend.  

“Exactly. Who did-done-do’d it,” Pinks took a swipe at the air and spun herself around to face the suspicious and motley group of friends and bakers.

“Well,” began Twilight importantly, “having read many mystery novels, I know that the only way to discover the culprit is to investigate.”

“Exactly!” As though prepared for this mystery aboard the Friendship Express, Pie produced a deerstalker and pipe, made famous by certain other detectives. She pumped the pipe with her lungs, and a gigantic bubble formed over the rim, eventually capturing and exploding around her lavender unicorn chum’s head, “and as chief detective, that's exactly what I'm gonna do.” Small glassy orbs popped from the pipe as she considered the crime. Oh, she knew. It was only a matter of time...

“Uh, you're investigatin'?” enquired Applejack, her eyebrow sinking at the suggestion.

“Yes! And Twilight shall be my lowly assistant who asks silly questions with obvious answers.” On went the bowler hat of ridicule for her overly-analytical compadre. Twilight looked up at her new headwear, sighed with a swivel of her eyes and turned to Pinkie.

“Fine, Pinkie. Should we start looking for clues?” Pinkie reloaded her pipe, preparing herself for the judgement minute that was due right on schedule.

“Perfect silly question, my dear Twilight. Because the obvious answer is,” pause for effect...

“Yes?” asked ‘Ol’ Silly Questions’ herself.

“No! 'Cause I know who did it.” A fresh round of mortification rose up from the suspect line up. They didn’t believe her, of course they didn’t, she had nothing to base her facts on! Or, did she?  

“Pinkie, how could you possibly know?” Here it was. The moment she was prepared for. As soon as the pieces of the puzzle had fallen into place, she knew exactly who the real perpetrators were...

“How could I possibly not know?” She trotted the line, head high, bubbles blown, confidence in her coming conviction present. “Clearly this dastardly deed was done by…” She paused beside Gustave le Grand, giving him a secondary glance, and wetting her tongue for her verdict.

“...All of you.” There was no gasp this time. No pretend awe or shock. Just trepidation and a heavy air of guilt.

“That… That doesn’t make... “ Twilight stumbled on her words, but Pinkie tilted her head strongly, daring her to deny it.

“Even Applejack,” scoffed Rainbow Dash, signing her own admission of culpability, “she’s the most honest among us, Pinks, how’d you figure she had anything to do with this?”

“Huh! You have a point Rainbow,” Pinkie sipped the pipe by accident. She chose not to draw attention to it as bubbles broke out of her mouth with her next words, “then agaaain, Applejack hasn’t had to prove her innocence because I haven’t asked her if she did it yet!” She rose her hoof in the air, before flinging it towards her cowmare comrade, “did you take a bite from Marzipan Mascarpone Meringue Madness!”

“Yes!” wailed Applejack painfully, “Ah did! We all did! We made a pact, an’ we agreed we would all take a bite, then Twilight would lead ya’ on some wild goose chase that ended up with Dashie, Rares and ‘Shy takin’ the rap!”

“And we would have gotten away with it too,” growled Twilight, giving Applejack a sock in the arm, then she sighed ruefully.

“You’re right. We just couldn’t help ourselves. When you were describing it the other night, you made it sound so delicious! And we’re all really sorry. But… How’d you figure it out so fast, Pinkie? You didn’t even look for any clues!”

“That’s the silliest question yet, my silly assistant,” She booped Twilight on the nose with the pipe, and smirked, “and as punishment… I’m just not going to tell you.” Therefore, the company all found themselves struggling with their own mystery, which led to stress eating and a hasty job of making four cakes become one…

Wiggling tail, shaking right hind hoof, warmth under the belly! That can only mean…

“Hi, future-friendship buddy Starlight!” crowed Pinkie, even as the pale blush of a pony with a swirl of blueish-lavender mane stepped through a portal with a book, blinking at the barely startled mare.

“I … will never get used to how you do that,” Starlight muttered, shaking her head then offering the book, “this is for you. Murder on the Orient Express! It’s a real page turner and you’re gonna want to read it before your next train journey…”

“Ooooh, a book,” Pinkie tried to sound excited, “are there pictures?” The time traveller groaned and held up a hoof, popping away for a brief second, and returning moments later with a cassette player and headphones.

“Here’s the audiobook version, and a colouring book with crayons...”   

Applebloom rubbed her hooves together, leering at the ingredients upon Zecora's shelves. 'Heart's desire sounds perfect!' she thought to herself. Springing over to the pink flower, the filly chuckled darkly. But as she was reaching for the soft petaled monstrosity blossom, there was a soft purple flash and the odd feeling of reality bending in ways maybe it shouldn't be from behind her. Gasping in shock, she whipped around as another flash went off, revealing-!

Well, actually, she was alone. Rubbing her eyes, she shook her head then turned back to the waiting super plant. Only to find an empty shelf where it had once sat.

"What...?"

Outside, a Police pony was writing a ticket, while Starlight Glimmer waited somewhat impatiently. Next to her, an Equestrian Agent of the Bureau of Narcotic Substances and Controlled Botany sweated silently, holding a clear sealed plastic container at leg length. There were items in it she had only ever read in books, and she wasn't happy about suddenly being so close to them, even if they were in a supposed stasis spell. This was so far above her pay grade she didn't even want to think how it would be classified.

Later, when Zecora returned, she would find the hut empty, and roughly a quarter of her ingredients pilfered. On the door would be a ticket with a hefty fine for the illegal storage, handling, and trafficking of Class 6 controlled substances without a permit, 1st degree potion brewing without an Equestrian Alchemist License, and reckless child endangerment. On the back was a simple note telling her it was her first strike, so they were letting her off easy this time.

Shrugging, she idly wondered if Applebloom would be willing to help her make and sell more potions to pay off the newly incurred debt.

27. & 28. The Return of Harmony

"Twists and turns are my master plan, then find the Elements back where you began," Discord's image said in the stained-glass window. The Chaos Spirit's laughter echoed in the castle hall as he departed, Mocking Princess Celestia, Twilight, and her friends.

"Um, can we go home now?" Fluttershy said meekly.

"What do you reckon he meant? 'Twists and turns' and ending back where we started?" Applejack asked.

"Twists and turns. Twists and turns," Twilight repeated to herself as she walked over to the window, mulling over the riddle. She looked outside at the large hedge-maze in the courtyard. "Twists and turns, that's it! I bet Discord hid the Elements in the palace Labyrinth!" In a flash of purple light, another unicorn appeared.

"And that is why I'll never take you to Las Pegasus, Twilight," Starlight Glimmer said. "You're a terrible gambler."

"You again?" Twilight said with a surprised scoff. "Well you're too late! We already figured out Discord's riddle without your help!" Starlight just rolled her eyes and let out a patient sigh that could only come with years of wisdom.

"And why are you listening to him?" Starlight asked Twilight. "Is Discord known for his honesty?" she asked Celestia. Celestia shook her head. "He knows how smart you are Twilight. Obviously he wanted you to figure out his simple riddle and lure you into the maze, because...?"

"It's a trap!" Twilight gasped.

"Your star pupil, Your Highness," Starlight said of Twilight to Celestia. "Way to go Twi. I think I have a dog biscuit or something for you as a reward." Starlight rummaged through her bag. "No, wait, I got something better. Little something I grabbed on the way here." Starlight pulled out a book that Twilight recognized immediately.

"That's the book where I first read about the the Elements of Harmony!" Twilight said.

"And where your little journey of friendship... began?" Starlight said in a patronizing tone. Twilight took the book from her and opened it, seeking answers. Instead she found the Elements of Harmony stashed inside, in a hole carved into the pages. "Discord hid them inside this book in your library back in Ponyville." Twilight's eyes burned with the fury of a thousand suns.

"He ruined a book!?" Twilight growled, letting loose a string of expletives that made Celestia turn a whiter shade of pale. "I will murderize him!"

"Or, OR, maybe we could just turn him back to stone?" Starlight suggested.

"We'll turn him to stone," Twilight said. "Then I'll turn him to gravel!" Starlight was unaccustomed to seeing Twilight in such a state. And over just the damaging of a single book. She shuddered to imagine what she was like when her entire library was destroyed. Suddenly what she had seen when visiting the Tirek Battle Wastelands made more sense to her.

"But Discord is a powerful entity," Starlight advised. "Possibly a powerful ally?" she said, looking pointedly at Celestia. "With usefulness down the road? Look, Twi, it's not even that big of a deal." Starlight gave out the Elements to each of them and restored the book with her magic. "See? Good as new." Twilight hugged the book like a dear friend. "I think you've got it from here," Starlight said, before vanishing once more in a flash.

A second flash came a few moments later, and Discord reappeared, physically standing in the room itself.

"I guess you're not as clever as I thought," Discord said. "The riddle was about the Labyrinth outside in the-" he stopped mid-sentence as the ponies glared at him. He was aghast to see that each of them had their Element of Harmony already around their necks. "Oh, what the f-"

A blast of rainbow magic turned him back to stone.

37. Hearth's Warming Eve

"Chestnuts roasting over an open fiiire..."

Twilight Sparkle stared at her faithful student. Starlight was curled up in a suitably battered wingback chair with appropriately gaudy houndstooth upholstery.
She slowly took in the room; crackling hearth with stocking-festooned mantel. The cold crystal walls clad in wood paneling. A pipe clamped between Starlight's teeth. She was even wearing carpet slippers and a terrycloth housecoat.

Starlight's personal, much-annotated copy of the Friendship Journal lay open on a lectern. Starlight glanced up from her dogeared copy of Chicken's Hearth's Warming Tail.
"I didn't touch anything, I just went and watched."

Twilight squinted.

"What? Even though it's turned into an opportunity for overbloated corporations to shill a fat jolly red-suited Canterklaas peddling cheap toys to stupid children and force the romantic to exchange hard-earned bits for essentially worthless baubles for their sweeties, it's a lovely holiday and I don't want to change anything."

Twilight shook her head and turned to leave.

"Happy Hearth's Warming, Twilight."

Twilight turned a baleful eye back upon her student. Starlight glanced up over her mug of hot chocolate.

"Mm?"
"Starlight, it's June."

51 & 52. A Canterlot Wedding.

Shining Armor sat across the table from his pink, alicorn fiance. They were going over the guest list.

"I need to go to Ponyville and tell my sister in person that I'm getting married," Shining said.

"No. I need you to stay here," Cadance said.

"Why?"

"Because... uh, because a threat has been made against Canterlot!" she said. "You need to stay here."

A low laugh came from the hallway.

"He- he-he, ho-ho, ha ha-ha. Ha," Starlight Glimmer feigned sarcastic laughter as she walked into the room. "And I thought my jokes were bad."

"Who are you? How did you get in here?" Shining asked in a panic as he stood to take a defensive stance. "Are you the threat?" Starlight's lips peeled back into a sly grin.

"Not yet," she said. "I'm actually a friend of Twilight's." She looked at Cadance. "I have an important message for her."

"For me?" Cadance asked as she walked closer. "What is it?" Starlight could barely keep the smile from her face.

"Forgive me, Your Highness, but you have something on your face..." Starlight said.

Cadance brought a hoof to her cheek to feel for whatever the unicorn was talking about. Starlight's horn fired a disenchantment spell at her, nullifying the disguise, and revealing the Changeling Queen, Chrysalis. Starlight cocked her hoof back. The enchanted horseshoe she was wearing glowed brightly with energy. Starlight punched Chrysalis square in the face and the horseshoe released the kinetic force of a freight train, sending the bug flying back through the window and streaking through the sky to the distant horizon.

"It was PAIN!" Starlight cackled maniacally.

"What did you just do to my fiance!?" Shining yelled angrily, his horn flaring to life.

"She saved me from a slow death in a cave," the real Cadance said, walking into the room after Starlight. The two embraced as Starlight turned to leave, mission accomplished.

"Wait!" Shining said. "There has to be something I can do to repay you for saving my bride!"

~

Twilight Sparkle grumbled in irritation. She was pleased with the news, when her brother had visited Ponyville to personally tell her that he was marrying her old foal-sitter, Cadance. But as she stood there on the altar with her Ponyville friends as bride's maids, she couldn't help but glare at Starlight standing beside her.

"Trust me Twilight," Glimmer said. "You don't even want to know the kind of headache I just prevented for all of you."

"Great. But I still can't believe my brother made you his Best Mare!"

Starlight Fixes The Mysterious Mare Do Well

Rainbow Dash has not been having the best few days. First everything was wonderful, she had saved a few ponies, and then that other mare showed up. Rainbow landed on a cloud not noticing the white fluffiness had changed to a dark storm cloud. She huffs as she flops down onto her back on the soft fluffy. “All anypony talks about is Mare Do Well this and Mare Do Well that! What about me?” She looks over the edge of the cloud at three fillies talking on the ground below. “How would everypony forget about me so easily?” she sits up, inspecting herself. “I mean... have I changed? Same sleek body. Same flowing mane. Same spectacular hooves. Nope, I'm still awesome.” She leaps into the air. “They're wrong. But... then... why am I all alone? I hate being all alone.” She moans as she flops down onto the cloud.
“Ya know, you were a bit full of yourself right there.” Comes a new voice.
Rainbow looks around, that voice is familiar, she’s seen this pony from time to time over the last couple of years. The unicorn is floating next to her cloud, enshrouded in her magic. “Starlight? But what? What are you doing here?”
“Helping you, silly.” Starlight says, tilting her head to the side and smiling cutely. “May I join you on the cloud?”
Dash scoots over and the unicorn settles onto the cloud. “You know a lot of magic?”
Starlight nods, “I’ve studied magic for years. But I’m now studying friendship. And learning from you all. Now, what do you think the problem is, Rainbow Dash?”
Dash looks down at the ground, “I used to be the pony everyone looked to when they needed help, then that Mare Do Well came around…” she stops and scuffs a hoof on the cloud.
“And she stole your thunder?”
Dash nods, tears welling in her eyes. But before she breaks down, Starlight shifts and puts a hoof on the pegasus' withers, dash looks up into a face full of compassion. “Rainbow Dash, the problem isn’t the Mysterious Mare Do Well, the problem is you miss the adoration of others. Your ego needs to be fed from time to time. That, in and of itself, is not a bad thing. You are an awesome pony. You’ve saved lives, you’ve performed feats that no pegasus has done in thousands of years. You are an Equestrian hero, do you really need to be petty like that?”
Rainbow Dash narrows her eyes, looking inward. “I don’t need to be patted on the back like that, do I? I can be awesome, and as long as I know it, I can be happy with that.”
Starlight beams a smile, “Now that is a mature way to handle things, isn’t it? Don’t let your ego get too big, or others will have trouble resisting putting a pin in it and deflating it.” She stands up. “Well, I have a lot more to do. See you around.”
Rainbow jumps to her hooves, “Wait! What about Mare Do Well?”
Starlight looks over her shoulder. “Oh, she’s just your friends trying to teach you humility. They have much to learn about friendship as well.” With that, she hops off the cloud. Dash scrambles to the edge of the cloud, watching the pink mare as she falls. Her horn lights and a portal appears below her, she tosses off a smile and a salute to Rainbow as the portal consumes her.
The rainbow maned pegasus sits there for several minutes, thinking furiously. “Hey Rainbow Dash!” comes Scootaloo's voice. Dash smiles as she leaps to greet the filly.

Starlight Fixes The Show Stoppers
This episode was actually rather tricky. I had a difficult time narrowing down just how Starlight would handle the situation, and even more so where I would start. It was interesting to write, but I will say that I take pity on whomever also gets another CMC episode, as this wasn't something I would deem as a traditional issue to be dealt with. Twilight didn't even actually write anything for this episode in her friendship journal, nor send a letter to Celestia, so Shakes I think you MAY be misinterpreting or stretching how far this prompt can really go. Anyway, onto this story.

Starlight Fixes The Show Stoppers

In the outskirts of Applejack’s orchard, between the trees and rocks of the woodland, a temporal rift splits open. Like a rounded cube Starlight Glimmer rolls from the spacial opening and falls stomach-first onto the grass. Her copy of the friendship journal follows with her, landing page-open on her head.

The unicorn groans from the minor pain. “Glimmy took a tumble,” she upsettingly says to herself in a slightly dazed state. In a rush, she shakes her head and conjures a bucket of water, splashing herself in the face before getting onto her hooves and checking her surroundings.

“A little off,” she mentions to herself before dashing off in the direction of where the Cutie Mark Crusaders Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo should be. She arrives just as the young pegasus is giving her laughable performance of song-writing. The mare takes a second to just catch her breath before continuing.

Quick about her wits, Starlight conjures a megaphone. In her magical aura it comes to life, amplifying for a second before she is able to speak. “Attention Cutie Mark Crusaders!” This loud announcement gets all three fillies to look in Starlight’s direction and venture to a front row seat, confused looks on the three.

“Who’re you?” Sweetie Belle asks, but Starlight raises her hoof while her megaphone pops away as if it was never existing in the first place.

“Who I am isn’t important. Look, all of you are pushing yourselves way too much to find your true talents. Just let things come naturally.”

All three of the fillies look at one another with a bewildered expression. They had no idea who this mare was or how she knew what they were doing.

“Just trust me on this, okay my little ponies? I gotta run, see you three later!” With that, Starlight teleports away and onto the next lesson to fix in record time, leaving the three friends to give a much less enthusiastic performance at the talent show, and realizing they’re definitely not comedians.

“Twilight’s dress will be my greatest creation,” Rarity declared. “It will be the birthday gift to end all birthday gifts!”

Alone at last in the Canterlot Castle Suite – save for her undyingly loyal housecat, Opal – Rarity now had the opportunity and the ability to create. Those Canterlot ponies may have sneered at her pedigree, but they wouldn’t sneer any longer. Not when she had her secret weapon at her disposal.

“A few weeks ago, when that strange pony came and sent me to the Plane of Fabrics – or rather, whatever Twilight had called it – I found this!” Rarity said, holding up a shimmering fabric that seemed to change into colors and patterns that even the most acid-addled of hippies would have begged to see. “Isn’t it simply divine, Opal? Such a stunning color! Why, the magic of it just seems to glow!”

Just then, as the word glow fell from her mouth, Rarity was blasted into the wall by a blinding light. It happened in an instant; one second, she was admiring the magical fabric she had retrieved in the midst of her interplanar souljourn, the next she was slammed face-first into the walls, and reeling from the force of the blow. As she slowly got back on her hooves, Rarity noticed several changes. The bedsheets were still floating down to earth, and Opal stood, clinging to the mattress, utterly hairless and in complete shock. Most importantly, however, was the reappearance of the pink unicorn, beaming brightly at Rarity, her horn still sparking. Rarity gasped, and nearly collapsed right there, her jaw hanging open.

“You.”

“Me.”

Rarity shook her head, trying to parse everything. Goodness gracious, it was her. The unicorn who had banished her to the elemental plane of fabric. The unicorn whose powers were unfathomable and whose morality seemed to be objective and universal. Rarity fell to her knees, for clearly, she was beheld by a mad god of some kind. “What do you want with me?” Rarity whispered. “Where am I going next?”

The pink unicorn clapped her hooves. “Oh, goodie! I’m in a timeline I recognize for once! I was hoping to meet with you again, Rarity Gamma! I have the perfect solution to your upcoming friendship problem! Also, holy moly, you took the Fabric of Time?!” The unicorn gasped, and took Rarity’s godly fabric from her hooves, where it had laid in her utter shock not moments earlier. “Rarity Gamma, I’m gonna have to take this back. Also, you have a friendship problem coming up, so I’m just gonna nip that in the bud, alright?”

Rarity blinked. The unicorn seemed to take this as affirmation, and lit up her horn. Rarity cried out in fear as she felt herself splitting, not painfully, but… but indecipherably, her mind feeling blank, her body going numb, all in thirds, thirds, thirds, what was happening, no, stop, please! “Rarity Gamma, relax!” The pink unicorn said. “This is completely harmless, at least in theory! Stop screaming, please, I need to concentrate!”

Rarity… Gamma, Rarity Gamma, for that was what she was called now, simply curled up and begged this pink Goddess to please, please speed this up, what was happening to her, ye gods what had been wrought, and like it had never happened Rarity felt normal again. She struggled to her hooves, but was soon helped up by somepony else's. When she looked up to see who it was, she saw herself, smiling broadly. Twice.

“Hello, Darling!” the two new Rarities said simultaniously.

Rarity gasped. “I… What is this?”

“Oh, just a little thing I whipped up based on the magical signature of the mirror pool!”

“Mirror… Pool?”

“Nothing for you to worry until the next chapter of your life. Believe you me, if you thought Discord was apocalyptic…” the pink unicorn shuddered, and pointed to one of Rarity Gamma’s new clones. “Okay, Rarity Gamma, you are now RG Prime! This is RG Beta and RG Ceta, the embodiments of your subconscious mind and desires! They’re the two Rarities who will help you accomplish all you need to do this week!”

“We live to serve, Darling!” RG Beta said, beaming brightly.

“I need a good dicking, Darling,” RG Beta giggled, before the pink unicorn bapped her nose with the rolled-up Fabric of Time.

“Keep it PG, RG Beta! Pretty sure somebody else used the one F-bomb we’re allowed!”

Rarity blinked. “I… What must I do?”

“Well, you need to socialize with the Canterlot crew. You’re due for a chance encounter with Fancy Pants, so get on out there and purchase supplies for Twilight’s birthday dress! Rarity Beta will prepare a workspace where she will complete the dress, and Rarity Ceta will review your diary to become a more capable guest at Twilight’s birthday party! Oh, by the way, that’s moving up here in Canterlot, so be ready for a bit of a surprise and just tell her that you learned this awesome new spell if she asks about the multiple copies of yourself!”

“I… Alright, it shall be done,” Rarity said, her eyes wide as dinner plates.

“Sweet! Friendship problem averted! These clones should disappear within a few days! When they do, you might want to read up on basic algebra! People tend to lose things splitting up, so, uhh, yeah, make sure you talk to Pinkie in a few months after this happens to her and see that she’s okay, alright?”

“...Alright.”

“Great!” the pink unicorn said. “Love you lots! Gotta go! Bye!”

And just as fast as she had come, the pink unicorn was gone again, and three Rarities made a silent promise to their new goddess that her will would be done.

Episode 46: It's About time

It was just after dawn, and Twilight knew she was a dead mare. Princess Celestia had just caught them all red-hoofed in the Starswirl the Bearded wing of the Royal Archives.

But the Princess just smiled infuriatingly and ignored the fact that her faithful student, Pinkie Pie, and Spike all stood there like they were caught in the headlight of an on-rushing freight train.

And all of them were wearing black spandex.

Oh, of course! It’s Tuesday, Celestia thought. Good thing I dressed for it.

“Good morning, Twilight! Love the new hair style.”

“Urk!” Twilight replied as she caught sight of Her Royal Highness Princess Celestia, Goddess of the Sun, Guardian of all Equestria, her mentor, wearing a super-skin-tight—

“Ooooh, good morning, Princess!” Pinkie Pie said. She pointed an excited hoof, and bounced. “Wow, you’re really rocking that catmare suit!”

“Why, thank you, Pinkie Pie. A secret admirer left it outside my chambers this morning. I think I’ll wear it to the High Council meeting, today—I’m sure that will shake them up a bit! Well, happy Tuesday, everypony.”

“Urk?” Twilight replied, staring off into the far depths of the archive as Celestia disappeared into the stacks. Spike waved a claw in front of her face, to no reaction.

“I think Princess Celestia just broke Twilight,” he said. “Again.”

Pinkie Pie giggled. “No, silly! That’s just Twilight!”

At that instant a flash of light blinded them all, and a familiar mysterious mare appeared before Twilight. Wearing a catmare suit.

“You again!” Twilight shouted, thrusting an accusing hoof at the mare. Then she saw the black spandex. “You—you gave Princess Celestia a catmare suit, didn’t you?”

“Huh? Sure, but so what? I gave Princess Luna one, too,” Starlight Glimmer said. “It’s Tuesday. But that’s not important right now—pay attention!”

Starlight unfurled a scroll that was held in her field, and it raced away, unraveling along the floor until it hit the archive’s distant wall. Hundreds and hundreds of unmarked check-boxes cried out to Twilight for Completion...

“Hey, that’s my list!”

The parchment flashed away and re-appeared, rolled up again in Starlight’s field. She whapped Twilight on the snout with it.

“Hey!” Twilight said. “You did that to Applejack, but it won’t work on me—”

Starlight clenched her teeth and the scroll burst into flames.

“Oh my gosh,” Twilight gasped. She stared as little firefalls of burning scroll drifted down and flamed out. She glared at the other mare. “You fiend! Now I... now I’m going to have to do it all again.”

Starlight rolled her eyes. Past-Twilight had so much to learn.

“Twilight, you big doofus—you’re only here right now because you couldn’t stop worrying and just let the future handle itself. Don’t interrupt! You went crazy over a to-do list and then you went even crazier and created an infinite spiraling time loop! I mean, you freaked out an infinity of already OCD-frazzled Twilight Sparkles, and we both know you were just about to set it all in motion again.”

Twilight stared at Starlight as the full weight of that revelation set in. Starlight sighed.

“Look, you just forgot one of the most important lessons, ever, or maybe you never really learned it. It’s not just about time—it’s about not being the cause of your own bucking problems.”

“I... Okay,” Twilight said with a sigh, and nodded. “You’re probably right.”

Starlight smiled. She had to give her friend credit—when she understood that she was wrong, she never shied away from admitting it to herself and moving on.

“Write another list, Twilight, but this time leave some time open in it for yourself. Don’t just be a clock ticking away at all the little check-boxes.”

She lit her horn and smirked a little before she flashed away.

“Oh and by the way, you look fantastic in a catmare suit. Happy Tuesday!”

Twilight smiled as she brought up her book, her legs once again taking over as she continued her walk. “I've just been reading the most fascinating book about Hearts and Hooves Day. Did you know that this holiday got its start because of a love potion?” The three filles, who had been looking quite defeated, suddenly perked up.

In the span of a second, the three scurried over and dove between the unicorns forelegs.  “Did you say… A love potion?” Sweetie Bell asked, a big smile on her face.

Twilight could only smile as her magic flipped open the book. “That’s right! It even has the recipe.” The three filles exchanged a quick glance before Twilight was suddenly lifted off them, by a faint purple glow. She could only let out a small yell before she was tossed into a nearby tree.

“Alright, Twilight's out of the way, and now for the fillies.” Starlight Glimmer dusted off a forehoof before smiling. “Alright you three. Let’s go over some good life lessons…”

Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom all got to their hooves, anger, concern, and just plain confused looks on their faces. “Number one!” Starlight’s hoof came down quickly on the side of Scootaloo’s head. “No, black, magic!”

“Hey!”

Ignoring, the pegasus, Starlight took a few steps closer, towering over the foals. “Number two! You can’t force anypony into love… Trust me, I would know.” Taking a breath, she let out a small sigh. “And number three? Just, be normal!” Giving Scootaloo another quick swipe upon her noggin, Starlight stepped back and quickly teleported away. Leaving not a trace of her presence, but a set of hoof prints in the dirt and her voice on the wind. “Remember… I’m always watching…”

“That was… Weird?” Apple Bloom blinked a few times, trying to process what just went on.

Scootaloo grumbled as she rubbed her head. “Says you! Why did she only hit me?!”

Sweetie Belle looked puzzled, her face scrunched while she blinked a few times. “Have I seen her before?”

Twilight cried out before she hit the ground with a thud. “Ugg, what happened?...” Her eyes fell upon the angry, concerned, and confused fillies once again. “Are you three all right?” The three fillies looked at each other for a few moments, before they all took off running. Twilight tilted her head, watching as the dust cloud dissipated into nothingness. “Uhh…. Ok then? Back to reading!” Her head stuck back in her book, she once again took off. Not even noticing the few strands of light purple hair that was quickly blown away by the wind.

Posting just before the cutoff (I hope) I had forgotten I even had to do this! Sorry if it's rushed!

Starlight Fixes Secret of my Excess

So, I made this really quick.

Starlight Fixes Secret of my Excess

Like a delorean through time, a pink unicorn rushes through an opening in the space time continuum, leaving a burning trail behind her hooves. She had to find Spike before it was too late! This time, it was midday, and she couldn’t afford to care about other ponies seeing an all-powerful mage from the future bending time like it was spaghetti.

Reaching the town square, she saw Spike from a distance walking with his new hat he had just acquired from Cheerilee. He was only a minute from reaching Lickety Split, and it would only make matters worse if he were to feed his greed. Mini Twilight had to stop this before it started!

Starlight teleports over in front of Spike. In blue flash of magic she appears; Spike bumping into her and grunting as his stride is stopped. “Hey, whoa, watch where you’re-” Before he can finish his sentence, Starlight teleports both of them to the outskirts of Ponyville under a tree.

In no time at all Starlight takes out a rolled-up newspaper with her magic and begins swatting the top of the dragon’s head! “No! No, no, no! Don’t be greedy!” Starlight exclaims.

“Hey, hey! Stop that! Ouch! What gives?” Spike is obviously confused about this random pony coming up to him and assaulting him in broad daylight.

“Spike, you don’t know me, but I know you. Trust me on this one, don’t be greedy, and just be thankful! Otherwise, you’ll hurt Rarity! You don’t wanna miss out on her, do you?” Starlight was clearly playing on Spike’s obvious crush on the seamstress. She gave him a few more swats with the newspaper before teleporting away, leaving Spike dazed, confused, and bruised. Thankfully, he takes her advice. Although, running home and crying about how he may have already hurt Rarity was probably not what she had planned.

As with most of Pinkie’s parties, the “Welcome Back From the Equestrian Rodeo Competition Bash” for Applejack was a resounding success. The barn was full of Applejack’s friends and family, enjoying cake and punch and listening to Applejack recount her experiences of the past few days.

“Yeah, it was one heck of a competition. I can’t wait to go back next year and defend mah title!” Applejack said, a few gold medals on her neck jingling against one another as she leaned down to the table to take another bite of cake from her plate. A few inches away were a series of blue first place ribbons, along with a check for the prize money she had won: more than enough to repair town hall. “There was one thing though…”

“What was it, Applejack?” Twilight asked, taking a sip of punch. The only one of her friends that wasn’t gathered around to hear what came next was Pinkie, still in the corner trying to practice her “Surprise!” timing with Apple Bloom after she was just a second slower than everypony else at the party.

“Well, you’ve been to the rodeo in Ponyville, right? We always got three judges for everything, but the Equestrian Rodeo Competition only had one.” Applejack looked down at her medals, lifting them up and then letting them drop.

“Really? I’d been to the ERC once when I was a filly, and I could have sworn they had three judges back then,” Twilight mused to herself, a hoof grazing her chin.

“Seriously, Twi?” Rainbow Dash asked, trying to suppress a giggle.

“My dad really wanted me to go… I practically had my nose buried in a book most of the time,” Twilight replied, a light blush on her cheek.

Applejack nodded as she finished off the last of her cake. “Yeah, it was just this unicorn in a big ten gallon hat and with a mustache. Come to think of it, there weren’t any referees or nothing either.”

“That’s awfully suspicious,” Rainbow Dash added, floating into the air and crossing her front hooves.

“Rainbow Dash,” Rarity said, glaring at Dash, “don’t try and rain on our friend’s parade. I’m sure that’s just the way that rodeo does things is all. If not, for all we know they were short staffed for some reason. You can’t expect them to put off a huge event on such short notice.”

“I didn’t take no offense, Rarity, and Dash has a point. I mean, it was awful suspicious at the time, but I just sort of went along with it. I guess my nerves were gettin’ to me more than I expected.” Applejack rubbed a hoof on her chin as she closed her eyes, recalling more about the event. “In fact, there were a whole lot of ponies gettin’ disqualified too. I think one of em would have beaten me in the barrel race if they hadn’t.”

Twilight looked down at her drink, taking a slow sip as she puzzled over the events she only knew from Applejack’s account. Her eyes drifted slowly to the table, glancing over the ribbons and the check made out to Applejack. It was then she noticed the writing at the bottom of the check...

“Do you remember anything else about the judge?” Rarity asked Applejack, the others eagerly wanting more information as well.

“I mean, I know they were a unicorn on account of their hat falling off when this gust picked up. They had this purple and green looking mane, like in stripes. And their coat was this pinkish purple, I think. Wait…” Applejack’s eyes shot open as the realization hit her, and she saw Twilight looking at her, holding up the check. There was small bit of writing on the memo line:

“Tell Mayor Mare ‘you’re welcome’ for me. - Starlight Glimmer.”

Twilight groaned and buried a hoof in her forehead, before shouting to the roof, “Starliiiight!”