ESkillet

• MLP: FiM
• Romance
• Comedy

Rainbow Dash doesn't know how to cook.

• Rainbow Dash
• Applejack

Holtinater · 1.6k words  ·  45  2 · 1.3k views

Summary: Rainbow Dash doesn't know how to cook.

This review contains SPOILERS.

Initial thoughts: This story has a simple premise, Rainbow Dash doesn't know how to cook. Such a premise leads me to believe there will be a lot of hilarious moments, where I have to stop because I'm laughing so much. However, I found this story overall to lack such atmosphere. It wasn't really funny, now this is just my opinion so bear with me here. Not every joke is going to land, and it is clear to me this was a speedwrite in terms of the overall quality of it. However, I don't think this story is bad. It has decent characterization, a few moments that were quite sappy-romantic, and has a certain charm to it. However I can't ignore the flaws within. 6/10

Heart of the story-The heart of the story here is Rainbow Dash's eagerness, stubbornness, and sheer willpower to want to learn a skill she is clearly terrible at. I did really enjoy that Applejack was both supportive, and honest with her, fitting of her character, even if the story centers around Rainbow, Applejack felt genuine in her portayal. Now I feel like this story could have worked in a lot of different ways. For one, sell me on the comedy. Have the moments of Rainbow Dash trying and failing have a more comedic impact. Rather than "event 1 happens, Aj reacts, then event 2 happens. It moves so swiftly/quickly we don't really even get a chance to absorb what just happened. Overall, I enjoyed the thought that went into creating this, and the idea while a bit "cliche" is cute at times. 7/10

Characterization: As I mentioned Rainbow Dash is the main character. She's loyal, she's assertive, she's a bit of a sub here, which is rather interesting, as you don't see that often. She's our main focus, so how's her character? It's...decent. There's nothing I can point out that is really wrong, there's just moments were she seems a bit more like Fluttershy then Rainbow. Espicially with how quickly she's willing to listen to Applejack. I feel like there would've been a heated argument, and it never happened.

Applejack. What can I say? Holtinater knows how to write Applejack so flawlessly that for a second I had to look at the story to see who it was about. Even though her role is minor, she shines, and she's the support this story needed to be able to stand on it's own, as a cute, charming one shot about lovers helping each other. Even if the one is an idiot.

8/10- mainly for Applejack but Rainbow has her moments...

Story/Concept: The story here about Rainbow Dash wanting to cook is a basic one. It's a simple concept, that can be executed in a number of ways. This is a comedy though, so it's supposed to be funny. Not one was I laughing, nor did I feel any of the jokes landed. Why? Perhaps it was because it was a speedwrite. Something happens, than AJ responds, then something else happens, and we don't get the time we need to appreciate what is going on.

Example:

AJ sighed, knowing that this probably wasn't going to end well. "If Ah teach ya how ta cook, will that make ya happy?"

Rainbow thought about it for a second. "I kinda wanted to do this on my own," she smiled devilishly at her marefriend, "but I guess getting taught by the best cook for miles wouldn't be the worst thing ever."

"Atta girl. Now, ya kinda just used the last of-" Applejack surveyed the items on the floor once again, "-just about everything' tryin' ta make... whatever that was. So how about we go out for dinner tonight and we get started tomorrow, huh?"

Right here, AJ is offering to teach her how to cook and then suddenly they are going out to eat? Like where's the transition? In any scene that you write, you should have a fluid transition from one thread to the other, not just "jumping the shark" It's too quickly paced for what it's trying to do, and that hurts the overall story.

5/10

Originality/Execution: The originality here is honestly not here, I see these kinds of stories all the time. Take a simple concept such as cooking or really any new skill, and it can make for an interesting conflict for the two lovers to work through. The execution was rushed, clearly. Speedwrites aren't meant to be perfect. The thing I like is how this doesn't waste time. It gets right to the meat of things. However, I still wanted more moments where the two ponies simply talked, rather than moving from scene to scene so rapidly. I want to say, slow down, but that seems wrong for a speedwrite. My advice if the author ever wanted to improve is to take this version and make a longer version, give it that time, give it that comedic vibe, maybe make AJ the main character... 5/10

Overall thoughts and feedback: Okay, let me be real with you all. Speedwrites are NOT easy. They are hard, and it's even harder to make a good one. This is a decent story, that had a lot of hit and misses for me. And while I do believe there's something more here, what is here feels like some pony gave me a glass of freshly made lemonade with those fake lemons that are supposed to be good, when they are really just kind of meh.
Final score: 6+7+8+5+5=31/50
6/10

Headpat worthy
Boop worthy:
Needs work: Yes

To the author: Don't be discouraged. Every pony has to start somewhere, and this story is just evident that there's a lot more you can accomplish. If I had any advice, try to focus on each scene, and try not to rush through each scene without some kind of transition to help the characters and overall story be better from it.

To the reader: Vaguely recommended for great characterization of AJ, some cute sappy romantic moments, and just overall, a short little one shot that has a lot of room to grow.