I've got to say the general idea doesn't fill me with all that much confidence, it's basically my OC meets the Lunaverse cast and is awesome. The guy drives off Corona in about half a page!
The general concept could probably have a workable story although it's a bit similar to Title Match. However you should probably look at it from the other way around, rather than 'what could my character do in the L-verse?' think of a plot and then decide what it requires your character to do. There are some possible working plots in what you've written, Maestro's mare problems could lead to a fun romp with Trixie having to pose as his marefriend for a while, maybe he could be connected to Quartermoon in some way and you could have some sort of mystery or adventure story about that, there have been a few suggestions for plots like that in the past.
Also you probably need to look more into the L-verse as many of your characters are, well, out of character, Dinky doesn't usually act out without a good reason, Corona doesn't just pop out of nowhere and try to tempt wandering ponies onto her side and thestral's don't exist except as a disguise some of the guard wear.
To comment on this in general I think you've found a fairly good balance against what you originally wanted to do here and what fits well into the universe, so well done!
What Autumn offers fits well into the idea behind them which you've mention on the forums although I'm a little split on whether you should have them spell it out to the cast. As it is it works well to make them seem alien but maybe leaves the audience in the dark where as if you have them give a speech about their motivation you can work out why they do what they do. I guess it's up to what you want to do.
Whew, so after entirely too long a time I've finally got Chapter 11 of Contest of Champions more or less done, save for some final editing sweeps and of course opening it up for you guys to take a look at it. I'm hoping to be able to post it up this upcoming Friday or Saturday. Yeesh, this is the last time I write a story with a musical segment. I suck at them.
I'm particularly glad at the glimpse we got of Andrea's personality. She's going to be important to the next chapter of Lords and Ladies, so it's good to see that I seem to have gotten her pretty much dead on.
I also really liked the sideplot with the griffon civil war. If that plays out just right (or just wrong, depending on your perspective), we could have a new antagonist for the Lunaverse, one with the military might to challenge Equestria. War arc ahoy! As to what Grimwald's up to: If, as I suspect, he's part of the conspiracy to reactivate Rengoku, then I suspect that he tipped off the Elements to Gruber's plans as a smokescreen. Put them on to Gruber's conspiracy, and with any luck they'll be too busy dealing with him to interfere with Grimwald's completely unrelated conspiracy.
So things continue to build. I suspect all that magic is going to recharge Rengoku, and I have a sneaking suspicion that that duel between Lyra and Andrea was way more important than it looked. I really look forward to seeing where this story finishes off.
The next chapter of Climbing the Mountain 2 is finally mostly done, sorry for the delay hopefully I can get back up to speed again for the next few chapters. Open to anyone who want's to read and comment.
Well, I have finished a first draft of Chapter 5 of Lords and Ladies. I would appreciate any comments you can offer, and most especially any ideas as to where I should go from here. I have some ideas already, but any additional suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Vex, I'm especially hoping to hear what you think about this chapter.
I'm not sure about Lyra and Carrot Top deciding to just make a fight of it. I don't think outright combat really fits them, either have then at least start by trying to sneak or have the reinforcements turn up earlier.
I'm wondering what happened to Kindle and Smoke, I think they'd try to save the hostage as well just to earn extra points for Corona, plus I'd like to hear them discuss what happened in the Autumn challenge.
I've finally more or less finished the next section of Mountain, it's based on a story G&C2 was working on 'the Duke abides' he's published and older version but this fits a bit better with current canon.
If anyone would be interested in reading and commenting see below
I managed to finish a rough of the next A Tale of Two Trixies chapter. This....took me way to long to write, if I'm being honest. My writing has been slow as of late. Bleh.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any feedback that can be given! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish off the last Leaf Festival fic chapter soon as well.
First draft of an Epilogue for Lords And Ladies is up. Please let me know what you think and tell me if there are any more plot threads that need resolving.
Having read it, I wonder if there should be a Luna level 'state of the union' bit where they measure up what they got out of the whole adventure vs what was risked. Maybe even some sort of agreement between Luna and Corona not to involve the fae in their personal disagreement. I feel there needs to be something to stop the fae in future being a sort of solve it all button.
Yeah, I considered doing an assessment scene, but I couldn’t really figure out how to get it to flow correctly. As for the fae being a solve-it-all button, remember that the only reason that Luna and Corona got what they did is because they still had a few unspent favors. And those are hard to get.
After many long and painful months of effort, I have finished the rough of the last chapter of The Leaf Festival! Honestly....I'm really not sure how well I stuck the landing here and I didn't end up using even half the Lunaverse OCs that got submitted. Vision might have outstretched my reach on this one.
Still, I'd really like everyone's feedback on this, if you have the chance!
The first draft of the first chapter of newest Galaxy Rangers story is done. It's called Anniversary of True Love. I know I said this would be a one-shot, but I think it would work better if it was broken up into chapters. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
I'm not sure the various ages match the canon L-verse, maybe it could be the 15th or even 20th anniversary, but it's ultimately your call for your story.
Plus I might tone down Trixie's obnoxiousness (although it is funny as it is) and maybe make Bon Bon a little more excited about things.
I've had an, interesting, few months which has caused more than a few delays in addition to not feeling all that motivated but I seem to have gotten my groove back over the last week or two so maybe I'll be able to pump out a few more chapters before the end of the year.
Another chapter of Mountain is ready. It's a bit sparse, mostly building up future stuff and the third part hasn't really turned out how I thought it would so any suggestions would be welcome.
The first draft of chapter one of my newest Galaxy Ranger story is finished. It's called Magic School Zord. It involves Cheerilee taking her class on a school field trip to the moon. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
What do people think Luna did for the longest day the year after Corona returned?
As far as I can recall noone's written anything about Corona doing anything to celebrate the anniversary but there had to be some worry that she would. I'd think a chunk of the court would want Luna to stay as safe as possible on that day, probably in the castle. Did Luna agree or did she head out to a random town / city to celebrate (which as far as I can tell if her normal activity for that day)? Did she have extra protection that day?
6263520 She probably held the celebration in Canterlot - a sense of normalcy was probably a good idea for her little ponies, but it would also keep her centrally located and able to respond to any crisis as fast as possible. She probably didn't have "extra protection" for herself (since she's more than capable of protecting herself against most threats, and nopony but her or the Elements are even capable of putting up a fight against Corona anyway), but more of the Night Guard than usual may have been on-duty to give a greater sense of security to ponies.
Come to think of it, the L6 may have been in Canterlot as well, just in case and for the same reason.
As for Corona, she probably spent the day assessing her resources and coming up with plans for invasion, but she'd know that it's too soon to launch anything yet - she'd only have just finished recovering from her de-powerment by that point.
Maybe she "tugged" on the Sun to remind Luna that she was still out there (since by that point Tambelon hasn't happened yet)
Yes, after being quiet for quite a while and somehow accidentally unsubscribing myself from the group (still not sure how that happened) I am back with a new chapter of the Doom Moth...the Crystal Empire...that fic what has Spike and Cheerilee going to the Crystal Empire, for people to comment on and give feedback on.
The first draft of my new story The Carrot Before the Storm is finished. This is a one-shot staring Raindrops and Carrot Top. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.
The first draft of chapter 18 of White Raven is done.
Chapter 18
5814392
I've got to say the general idea doesn't fill me with all that much confidence, it's basically my OC meets the Lunaverse cast and is awesome. The guy drives off Corona in about half a page!
The general concept could probably have a workable story although it's a bit similar to Title Match. However you should probably look at it from the other way around, rather than 'what could my character do in the L-verse?' think of a plot and then decide what it requires your character to do. There are some possible working plots in what you've written, Maestro's mare problems could lead to a fun romp with Trixie having to pose as his marefriend for a while, maybe he could be connected to Quartermoon in some way and you could have some sort of mystery or adventure story about that, there have been a few suggestions for plots like that in the past.
Also you probably need to look more into the L-verse as many of your characters are, well, out of character, Dinky doesn't usually act out without a good reason, Corona doesn't just pop out of nowhere and try to tempt wandering ponies onto her side and thestral's don't exist except as a disguise some of the guard wear.
Well, after much work I believe I have finished a rough draft of Chapter 4 of Lords And Ladies. Please let me know what you think!
The first draft of Chapter 19 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 19
5840834
To comment on this in general I think you've found a fairly good balance against what you originally wanted to do here and what fits well into the universe, so well done!
What Autumn offers fits well into the idea behind them which you've mention on the forums although I'm a little split on whether you should have them spell it out to the cast. As it is it works well to make them seem alien but maybe leaves the audience in the dark where as if you have them give a speech about their motivation you can work out why they do what they do. I guess it's up to what you want to do.
Whew, so after entirely too long a time I've finally got Chapter 11 of Contest of Champions more or less done, save for some final editing sweeps and of course opening it up for you guys to take a look at it. I'm hoping to be able to post it up this upcoming Friday or Saturday. Yeesh, this is the last time I write a story with a musical segment. I suck at them.
5849534
Wow. Nice work, vex!
I'm particularly glad at the glimpse we got of Andrea's personality. She's going to be important to the next chapter of Lords and Ladies, so it's good to see that I seem to have gotten her pretty much dead on.
I also really liked the sideplot with the griffon civil war. If that plays out just right (or just wrong, depending on your perspective), we could have a new antagonist for the Lunaverse, one with the military might to challenge Equestria. War arc ahoy! As to what Grimwald's up to: If, as I suspect, he's part of the conspiracy to reactivate Rengoku, then I suspect that he tipped off the Elements to Gruber's plans as a smokescreen. Put them on to Gruber's conspiracy, and with any luck they'll be too busy dealing with him to interfere with Grimwald's completely unrelated conspiracy.
So things continue to build. I suspect all that magic is going to recharge Rengoku, and I have a sneaking suspicion that that duel between Lyra and Andrea was way more important than it looked. I really look forward to seeing where this story finishes off.
The first draft of Chapter 20 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 20
The next chapter of Climbing the Mountain 2 is finally mostly done, sorry for the delay hopefully I can get back up to speed again for the next few chapters. Open to anyone who want's to read and comment.
Link
The first draft of Chapter 21 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 21
Well, I have finished a first draft of Chapter 5 of Lords and Ladies. I would appreciate any comments you can offer, and most especially any ideas as to where I should go from here. I have some ideas already, but any additional suggestions would be greatly appreciated. Vex, I'm especially hoping to hear what you think about this chapter.
5912202
I'm not sure about Lyra and Carrot Top deciding to just make a fight of it. I don't think outright combat really fits them, either have then at least start by trying to sneak or have the reinforcements turn up earlier.
I'm wondering what happened to Kindle and Smoke, I think they'd try to save the hostage as well just to earn extra points for Corona, plus I'd like to hear them discuss what happened in the Autumn challenge.
The first draft of Chapter 22 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 22
5922147
Sorry for the double post. I forgot to unlock the chapter when I posted it. This has been fixed and the chapter is ready for viewing and editing.
5922925 Dropped some suggestions and comments.
5923010
Thanks.
The first draft of Chapter 23 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 23
The first draft of Chapter 24 of White Raven is finished.
Chapter 24
5964203
Sorry it took me a while to get around to this, I've been on holiday in Yorkshire for the last week.
5975885
No problem. It gave me more time to work on another chapter. I was able to finish the first draft of Chapter 25.
Chapter 25 of White Raven first draft.
The first draft of Chapter 26 of White Raven is done.
Chapter 26
I've finally more or less finished the next section of Mountain, it's based on a story G&C2 was working on 'the Duke abides' he's published and older version but this fits a bit better with current canon.
If anyone would be interested in reading and commenting see below
Link
I live with Lunaverse stuff again!
I managed to finish a rough of the next A Tale of Two Trixies chapter. This....took me way to long to write, if I'm being honest. My writing has been slow as of late. Bleh.
Anyway, I'd appreciate any feedback that can be given! Hopefully, I'll be able to finish off the last Leaf Festival fic chapter soon as well.
The first draft of chapter 27 of White Raven is done.
Chapter 27.
First draft of an Epilogue for Lords And Ladies is up. Please let me know what you think and tell me if there are any more plot threads that need resolving.
6018564
Having read it, I wonder if there should be a Luna level 'state of the union' bit where they measure up what they got out of the whole adventure vs what was risked. Maybe even some sort of agreement between Luna and Corona not to involve the fae in their personal disagreement. I feel there needs to be something to stop the fae in future being a sort of solve it all button.
6018870
Yeah, I considered doing an assessment scene, but I couldn’t really figure out how to get it to flow correctly. As for the fae being a solve-it-all button, remember that the only reason that Luna and Corona got what they did is because they still had a few unspent favors. And those are hard to get.
The next chapter of Mountain is done, it's a little less serious than the last few ones just a nice fluffy bit following Max and Fragrant on a date.
Link
The first draft of Chapter 28 of White Raven is done.
Chapter 28
After many long and painful months of effort, I have finished the rough of the last chapter of The Leaf Festival! Honestly....I'm really not sure how well I stuck the landing here and I didn't end up using even half the Lunaverse OCs that got submitted. Vision might have outstretched my reach on this one.
Still, I'd really like everyone's feedback on this, if you have the chance!
The first draft of Chapter 29 of White Raven is done. All that is left is one more chapter, then the epilogue.
Chapter 29
The first draft of Chapter 30 of White Raven is done. All I have left is a short epilogue and this story is finally finished.
Chapter 30
The first draft of the epilogue of White Raven is done. Again, thank you Talon for helping me with this story. It's been a boon and big influence.
Epilogue.
The first draft of the first chapter of newest Galaxy Rangers story is done. It's called Anniversary of True Love. I know I said this would be a one-shot, but I think it would work better if it was broken up into chapters. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
Chapter 1
6103365
Yeah, I like where this is heading so far.
I'm not sure the various ages match the canon L-verse, maybe it could be the 15th or even 20th anniversary, but it's ultimately your call for your story.
Plus I might tone down Trixie's obnoxiousness (although it is funny as it is) and maybe make Bon Bon a little more excited about things.
6105069
Thanks. Considering that Lyra and Bon-Bon are so young in the flashback, I think it would make more sense if it was their 15th anniversary instead.
The first draft of the second chapter of Anniversary of True Love is finished.
Chapter 2
The first draft of the third chapter of Anniversary of True Love is finished.
Chapter 3
It's been a while but I've finally managed to put together another Mountain chapter.
Linky
I've had an, interesting, few months which has caused more than a few delays in addition to not feeling all that motivated but I seem to have gotten my groove back over the last week or two so maybe I'll be able to pump out a few more chapters before the end of the year.
The first draft of the fourth chapter of Anniversary of True Love is finished.
Chapter 4
The first draft of the final chapter of Anniversary of True Love is finished.
Chapter 5
Another chapter of Mountain is ready. It's a bit sparse, mostly building up future stuff and the third part hasn't really turned out how I thought it would so any suggestions would be welcome.
Linky
The first draft of chapter one of my newest Galaxy Ranger story is finished. It's called Magic School Zord. It involves Cheerilee taking her class on a school field trip to the moon. Comments and suggestions are welcome.
Chapter 1
The first draft of chapter two of Magic School Zord is finished. Comments and suggestions are welcome as always.
Chapter 2
What do people think Luna did for the longest day the year after Corona returned?
As far as I can recall noone's written anything about Corona doing anything to celebrate the anniversary but there had to be some worry that she would. I'd think a chunk of the court would want Luna to stay as safe as possible on that day, probably in the castle. Did Luna agree or did she head out to a random town / city to celebrate (which as far as I can tell if her normal activity for that day)? Did she have extra protection that day?
What if anything was Corona doing that day?
6263520
She probably held the celebration in Canterlot - a sense of normalcy was probably a good idea for her little ponies, but it would also keep her centrally located and able to respond to any crisis as fast as possible. She probably didn't have "extra protection" for herself (since she's more than capable of protecting herself against most threats, and nopony but her or the Elements are even capable of putting up a fight against Corona anyway), but more of the Night Guard than usual may have been on-duty to give a greater sense of security to ponies.
Come to think of it, the L6 may have been in Canterlot as well, just in case and for the same reason.
As for Corona, she probably spent the day assessing her resources and coming up with plans for invasion, but she'd know that it's too soon to launch anything yet - she'd only have just finished recovering from her de-powerment by that point.
Maybe she "tugged" on the Sun to remind Luna that she was still out there (since by that point Tambelon hasn't happened yet)
Yes, after being quiet for quite a while and somehow accidentally unsubscribing myself from the group (still not sure how that happened) I am back with a new chapter of the Doom Moth...the Crystal Empire...that fic what has Spike and Cheerilee going to the Crystal Empire, for people to comment on and give feedback on.
The Crystal Empire: Chapter 2
....I really do need to settle on a better name for it though. Anyway, I appreciate any thoughts and feedback the Lunaverse can give as a whole!
The first draft of chapter 3 of Magic School Zord is done. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.
Chapter 3.
The first draft of chapter 4 of Magic School Zord is done. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.
Chapter 4
The final chapter of Magic School Zord is done. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.
Chapter 5
The first draft of my new story The Carrot Before the Storm is finished. This is a one-shot staring Raindrops and Carrot Top. Comments and suggestions are welcome as usual.
Chapter