847538 Okay, your turn. I had a hard time reading your post.

Name: Daydreamrose is a bit of a mouthful. How does Rosy Daydream sound?

Appearance/Personality/Race: With a glance of your avatar, I could tell that Daydream is fragile. However, she is an Earth pony, and it is considered that Earth ponies have strong bones and muscles to make up for the lack of wings and magic. I would recommend an explanation for your OC's condition, otherwise, it would seem unnatural. Actually, "unnatural" and this filly have some sort of special relationship. It just might work. The color scheme doesn't resemble a rose, but I'll just say it goes with her caring personality and leave it as that.

A klutz in reality and an alicorn princess in her dreams, literally. Yeah. Irony well used.

Ability: Using daydreams to think? Clever way to think. The questions is: does her daydreaming limit to imagery, or sounds?

Backstory/Social Life/Relationships with Other OC's: Your OC wouldn't think that her talent is a "gift" because she doesn't have many friends because of it. How does she cope with her older brother exactly? Despite how close she and her parents are, I'm surprised they are strict with her social life. I guess that's where the debates come in. I thought Sea Wheel would more likely to listen to Daydream's dreams, since he is silent.

If you are still thinking of the OC who takes Daydream into a reckless search for Ponyville, all you have to do is ask yourself: "What trait of that other OC makes the main character come along with him/her?"

A solid 6 put of 10. There are some points that needs have a little more depth to, but with a little tweaking with the personality, you get an okay OC.

854607

Name: Daydreamrose is a bit of a mouthful. How does Rosy Daydream sound?

Rosy DayDream sounds good, but I could also have just Daydream and the Rose part would be like a pony last name.

However, she is an Earth pony, and it is considered that Earth ponies have strong bones and muscles to make up for the lack of wings and magic. I would recommend an explanation for your OC's condition, otherwise, it would seem unnatural. Actually, "unnatural" and this filly have some sort of special relationship. It just might work.

Yeah, I wanted her to feel unatural in the world of Equestria, and not the kind of natural that everypony would like like in Pinkiepies case but due to the fact she doesnt live in Ponyville, and the fact that her Day Dreams can either be a source of amazing inspiration and adventure or a source of sadness lack of friends or general weridness. She has alot of diffrence from other ponys her age.

Ability: Using daydreams to think? Clever way to think. The questions is: does her daydreaming limit to imagery, or sounds?

Yep mostly they happen everyday and her daydreaming expands her imagination and lets abstract thoughts flourish which makes her smarter in some terms.
Her alicorn dreams and mane six dreams are vivid, the rest are mostly just voices or images intel she spends some time on them some are stronger then others.

Despite how close she and her parents are, I'm surprised they are strict with her social life.

Though her parents are close due to her general kutzyness and frequent staring of into space at times and general imagination they think she cant handle herself without them present, thell let her walk home but thats about as far as it goes.

How does she cope with her older brother exactly?

I might take him out the equation but im picturing him as not older than her but slightly younger hes destructive foul and trys to act older somtimes so she cannot tolerate him but if he acts cute she cannot help but cave and she is actually kind to him in a way he will just driver her crazy at times especially when there is other emotinal baggage troubling her.

I thought Sea Wheel would more likely to listen to Daydream's dreams, since he is silent.

He is a silent stallion but not as silent as big mac he is only silent compared to her he still talks, but mostly when adressed to. He has more imagination than her mom but both parents worry about her stepping out into the "real world". She talks to him also but hes job selling carriages has more hours than her moms job so her mom is the one she shares her dreams mostly to.

If you are still thinking of the OC who takes Daydream into a reckless search for Ponyville,]

I dont know what her name would be yet or her talent but her personality is free and she speaks her mind, and Daydream is attracted to those that speak there mind and she found that in her friend she sprouts the idea of leaving somwhere to daydream and daydream mentions Ponyville her friend is also having somthing going on with her parents the same day as Daydream is Daydream learns in the journey what it was. Shes also will slightly insult Daydream when shes angry in the adventure but there good friends. Even though shes a unicorn shes slightly athletic from raw practice because in reality shes wanted to leave her home for a while, and has made maps and trained herself she only really need somone like Daydream as a partner to go with her somwhere and proably one of the reasons Daydream first became freinds is because she saw a person ready to run away from things.... Daydream just needed a little push from her mother not believing that Ponyville was real. Her friend also happens to like romance, in a way she finds it optinal but wont let it ruin her plans.

Oh and im so sorry, thank you sooo much for the comment it really helps (:

Comment test. Hopefully this will reset the comments section (for me). Ignore this please. Technical difficulties and stuff.
EDIT: I am such an idiot. It just rolled over into the next comments page. I was all like "wha!?" and then "doh!"
This is embarrassing.

This is one of the OC's that I gonna use in my crossover with Jojo's Bizarre Adventure.
There is no need to be gentle, rip him to shreds. Also you might wanna read this, or else you gonna get confused when I start talking about his Stand.

Name: Crossbones

Appearance:
Under Black Dog’s effect:

Normal appearance:

His cutie mark is a figure of crossbones.
He has a strap on his left leg where he keeps his walkpony (Pony version of a Walkman, if you didn’t get the pun).

Backstory: Crossbones was always picked on in school for not being good at anything and being the only in the class without a cutie mark. Even during the time his physical prowess started showing he was still bad at everything, if he tried something delicate like making a wooden doll he would destroy the doll in the most spectacular way possible, if instead he tried some kind of sport he would get carried away and break some rule.

One day he was being called useless as always, but them the ponies picking on him got a little physical and slapped him. After the slap something inside him snapped, in retribution he head-butted the pony that slapped him and them lunged towards the others, they didn’t had a change. After the curb-stomp Crossbones blank flank now had a picture of two bones crossed in an x shape and a skull.
Of course Crossbones’ parents weren’t happy with what happened, but he couldn’t care less, he never felt so alive before.

Night after night he would sneak out of home in search for ponies to fight. That was the best days of his alive, fighting all those strong ponies, some griffons and even some minotaurs. But all good things must come to an end; soon there was no one else in Manehattan that could give him a satisfying fight.

Was during one of his walking’s through the city that he came across a weird shop, in the vitrine of the shop there was a small pebble with a sign saying that was a magical pebble capable of granting wishes. Crossbones, having nothing to lose, bought the small pebble.

He passed that night trying to make that thing work but nothing happened. He ended up sleeping with the pebble lying atop of him.

He awoke the next day different, he felt weaker. After looking in the mirror he noticed that his coat changed from gold to black and his green mane was also black. And then he realized what happened: his wish has been granted, he was now weaker; he could finally have more satisfying fights.

And with only the thought of all the great fights he would have he grabbed his walkpony and ran away from his home and his now old life.

Personality: A hot blooded pony, Crossbones loves fighting more than anything. But that’s not to say he is a simple brute, he would never fight somepony that he thinks is weaker than him and he hates those who prey on the weak. He also carries a deep respect to anyone that he considers a “True Pony”.

He can get carried away pretty easily when his doing something.

He tends to act on instinct, which makes him do some stupid stuff sometimes.

Abilities: A natural fighter. His strength, agility and resistance are incredibly. The only problem is that he is so good at fighting that he sucks at everything else.

His Stand is called Black Dog. It is bounded to his own body, thus allowing him to fight a Stand with his fists. Its power is to limit the power of something that he touches. The thing that had its power limited changes its color to black.

Relations with canon characters: After he loses his fight with Applejack he falls in love with the mare. Applejack, not being happy with the situation, constantly shuts him down.

He becomes friends with Spike after they talk with each other about how both of them are helpless trying to get the mare of their dreams.

At first the mane six only see him as a brute, but after he proves that his not actually a bad guy they learn to respect and tolerate him.

Relations with other OC's: The only OC’s that he interacts with are the main villains of the story. He sees them as the lowest of trash since they are not below attacking somepony that can’t defend itself.

Social life: At first he spend most of his free time either training or listen to his walkpony.

Later, he becomes friends with Spike and starts hanging out with him. He also tries to win Applejack’s heart, with disastrous (and pretty hilarious) results every time.

Place in the story: Minor villain at first, but later becomes a main character.

Extra notes: He is a big fan of Alicorn (Pony version of Prince), and that’s what he listens to on his walkpony.

Crossbones is not his real name, he abandoned his real name after leaving Manehattan.

Sorry if it is to long.
If there is any gramtical errors would you kindly point them out, thanks.

864482
First of all, it isn't a crossover. You're merely basing the the storyline off of Jojo's. Unless characters from that manga appear in Equestria, it doesn't need to be labelled as such.

Secondly, you never mentioned anything about Stands in your description of Crossbones. He apparently has an "alternate form" which makes him weaker, but that doesn't seem to match with the link you provided as an explanation. Feels like you built Crossbones without one in mind.

Those things being said, I can still see some problems:

You've moved him from Manehattan (where you've stated he's defeated everypony) to Ponyville, and it seems like you expect him to continue his constant search for fights. You've literally downgraded the danger to him (not to mention his power), and placed him in a setting with fewer choices. It's normally better to expand his options by placing him in a larger city/setting, there by putting him out of his league and increasing the tension. Sending him to a smaller place like Ponyville requires a certain story line to make sense (he's trying to escape from the constant fights/looking to retire or some such. Of course, his past can then follow him.)

You gave him an alternate form which makes him weaker. That's a sign of Mary Sueness (in regards to power level), especially if he can control its use or if it conveniently turns off at certain times. If he can't change out of it, then its inclusion is pretty much worthless to the story and should be removed.

In my opinion you could break from the Jojo plot type completely, tell us that he's "from beyond the Everfree... where the land is wild and the stallions are wilder. (dramatization)" and set up a mysterious background for him that he's trying to escape, which would then be revealed (forcibly at times) as the relationship with Applejack develops. That would be practically the same story, save that the fights would become secondary and need a better reason behind them (protecting town/self/Applejack, drunkenness, pride, show-offness, etc.)

Overall, a 5/10 due to typical Mary Sue illness.

866568
Thanks for the feedback
And now, I gonna try to explain myself (keyword being try).

First of all, it isn't a crossover. You're merely basing the the storyline off of Jojo's. Unless characters from that manga appear in Equestria, it doesn't need to be labelled as such.

So, since the only thing that I got from the Jojo’s universe is the concept of Stands that means that I don’t need to put the Crossover tag?

Secondly, you never mentioned anything about Stands in your description of Crossbones.

I mentioned and explained his Stand in the “abilities” section.

You've moved him from Manehattan (where you've stated he's defeated everypony) to Ponyville, and it seems like you expect him to continue his constant search for fights. You've literally downgraded the danger to him (not to mention his power), and placed him in a setting with fewer choices.

On the contrary, good sir. He is not the only one in the story that has a Stand. I also gave the bad guys some ridiculous powerful Stands, there is this one guy that can turn ponies to stone by throwing water at them.

ending him to a smaller place like Ponyville requires a certain story line to make sense

And I have one. He just finds the town and decides to see if there is anyone strong there (he can be really simple minded sometimes).

You gave him an alternate form which makes him weaker. That's a sign of Mary Sueness (in regards to power level)

I can see why you would think of him as a Mary-Sue, but I think the villains are so powerful that it balances things out.

Also, he is not the main character of the story and he gets pretty beaten up in his fights with the villains. That subtracts some points from the Mary-Sue meter right?

especially if he can control its use or if it conveniently turns off at certain times. If he can't change out of it, then its inclusion is pretty much worthless to the story and should be removed.

Yes, he can turn it off when he wants, but he only does that against somepony that he thinks is strong enough to handle him at full power.

You didn’t mention the other things like his appearance and personality, and you also gave me a 5/10. Does that mean I got the other things right?

867242

So, since the only thing that I got from the Jojo’s universe is the concept of Stands that means that I don’t need to put the Crossover tag?

That is correct. Your story is instead an Alternate Universe which has Stands. Not too big a deal.

I mentioned and explained his Stand in the “abilities” section.

My bad. I missed reading it for some reason. Now that I have read it though, I might suggest you change it's limiting mark left on the target to a magical sigil instead of a full body color change. Easier to describe, looks cooler (mentally), and allows for a few new possibilities. Also, did the Stand come with the wish pebble/alt. form or did he have it all along?

You've moved him from Manehattan (where you've stated he's defeated everypony) to Ponyville, and it seems like you expect him to continue his constant search for fights. You've literally downgraded the danger to him (not to mention his power), and placed him in a setting with fewer choices.

On the contrary, good sir. He is not the only one in the story that has a Stand. I also gave the bad guys some ridiculous powerful Stands, there is this one guy that can turn ponies to stone by throwing water at then.

Can you explain adequately (hand-waving allowed) why Ponyville has a higher than average number of Stand users, as opposed to Manehatten? Even Stands which you term to be ridiculously powerful? I guess it just doesn't make as much sense to me as it does to you.

sending him to a smaller place like Ponyville requires a certain story line to make sense.

And I have one. He just finds the town and decides to see if there is anyone strong there (he can be really simple minded sometimes).

I'm going to be incredibly blunt. That's a shitty reason, and it will turn most readers away. How about this one: he's heading to some different city to find strong opponents and is simply passing through Ponyville when he get's his plot hoofed to him by Applejack (probably after he gets drunk). He falls in love and decides to stay. That would be a good reason.

he is not the main character of the story and he gets pretty beaten up in his fights with the villains. That subtracts some points from the Mary-Sue meter right?

It does at that. Who is the main character then? And what is Crossbones relationship to him/her?

Yes, he can turn it off when he wants, but he only does that against somepony that he thinks is strong enough to handle him at full power.

For a secondary character, that's pretty forward of him. there is a sliding scale of who should be most powerful in a story, and that seems like it's breaking it. Depending on his relationship to the main character, I can see this being a little OP. Hopefully you can explain it to me.

You didn’t mention the other things like his appearance and personality, and you also gave me a 5/10. Does that mean I got the other things right?

Yes.

867360

, I might suggest you change it's limiting mark left on the target to a magical sigil instead of a full body color change. Easier to describe, looks cooler (mentally), and allows for a few new possibilities.

That actually sounds better. Thanks for the idea.

Also, did the Stand come with the wish pebble/alt. form or did he have it all along?

Can you explain adequately (hand-waving allowed) why Ponyville has a higher than average number of Stand users, as opposed to Manehatten? Even Stands which you term to be ridiculously powerful?

Allow me to kill two birds with one stone by explaining the basic premise of the story.

After a meteor falls in Ponyville the energy emanating from it is what causes ponies to develop their Stands. So you see is not that Ponyville has more Stand users than Manehattan, Ponyville is the only place in Equestria that has Stand that many Stand users.

The pebble is actually the shard of a meteor of the same type that fell in Equestria a long time ago, but because of how small and old the pebble is it doesn’t emanate the same amount of energy as the meteor that fell into Ponyville, so only through a long period of exposure do it and if the pebble remains really close to somepony that pony would develop a Stand.

That’s why I made sure to mention that Crossbones spend the entire night with the pebble and that it stayed on top of his body while he was sleeping.

I'm going to be incredibly blunt. That's a shitty reason, and it will turn most readers away. How about this one: he's heading to some different city to find strong opponents and is simply passing through Ponyville when he get's his plot hoofed to him by Applejack (probably after he gets drunk). He falls in love and decides to stay. That would be a good reason.

I can actually see your point, I gonna take your idea in consideration and rethink how he end ups in Ponyville.

I could always use the old “because destiny” card, especially considering that in the manga Stand users have a tendency to attract each other. What do you think?

Who is the main character then? And what is Crossbones relationship to him/her?

The story doesn’t have a main character per say, it focus on a small group of Stand users as they discover their Stands and later band together to protect Ponyville from a group of evil Stand users that want to use their powers to overthrow Celestia and Luna.

Each member of the main cast is gonna go through character development and no one is gonna have a more important role in the story than the others.

And no, the main characters are not gonna be all OC’s. Crossbones is the only OC that is part of the main cast, all the others are gonna be characters from the show.

For a secondary character, that's pretty forward of him. there is a sliding scale of who should be most powerful in a story, and that seems like it's breaking it. Depending on his relationship to the main character, I can see this being a little OP. Hopefully you can explain it to me.

Yes I can.

First, even at full power Crossbones is not nearly as powerful as some of the other characters are. His using his own four hooves to fight guys that can easily blow a hole in a concrete wall and that have all this crazy awesome powers. He may look like a really OP character from the description of his abilities but compared with what all the other Stands are gonna be able to do he really is not that strong.

Second, he would never help somepony else in a fight or use his Stand on another pony. Not because he thinks is dishonorable, he really likes to fight with the odds against him, but because he hates when the odds are against his opponents since that way they can’t fight with all they got.

Yes.

Hurray for me!

870243

That actually sounds better. Thanks for the idea.

Your welcome.

So you see is not that Ponyville has more Stand users than Manehattan, Ponyville is the only place in Equestria that has Stand that many Stand users.

The pebble is actually the shard of a meteor.

That makes a great deal of sense. Still can't easily understanding how Ponyville can spawn Evil Stand users, who would then want to overthrow the princesses, but that is hand-waveable.

The story doesn’t have a main character per say...
it focus on a small group of Stand users as they discover their Stands and later band together...
no one is gonna have a more important role in the story than the others...
Crossbones is the only OC that is part of the main cast, all the others are gonna be characters from the show.

I'm gonna have to be really blunt again. You'll be fking yourself over by attempt to do this. I have a dear friend who can't let go of that very idea. He's been trying to get it to work for 3 years now, off and on, again and again. Drives him... and me... nuts. Yet, while I'm not comparing you to him, I am telling you to drop the idea. Drop it down a deep well of acid, because it's crap. There must ALWAYS be a main character. Every group has its leader, every story has its main character.
Now to the nitty gritty. Who is going to be the main character? The answer is simple and obvious, but bluntness demands I tell you. Your main character is either your OC, or you remove him and base the story completely off of characters from the show (even then one of them will be the main). Your OC has background and a goal, and it would be sad to have to scrap him. So, your main character is your OC.
Here is what I suggest. He's had a Stand longer than those in Ponyville. This sets him up as a perfect coach for the stronger but less trained Ponyvillians (not the evil variety). Even his Stand is perfect for this scenario. He can use it for their training to help them control their powers.

That's pretty much it.

871294

Still can't easily understanding how Ponyville can spawn Evil Stand users, who would then want to overthrow the princesses,

I just gonna say that the reason behind those two things revolves around the main villain’s Stand and personality and leave at that. I gonna go into more detail about him once I actually finish creating his character, right now the only thing I got is his motivation and the name and design of his Stand.

So yeah, Crossbones is not gonna be the last OC that I gonna post is this thread.

I'm gonna have to be really blunt again. You'll be fking yourself over by attempt to do this.

There must ALWAYS be a main character

Out of curiosity, could you explain to me in more details why not having a main character would be so bad?

Your main character is either your OC, or you remove him and base the story completely off of characters from the show

Can’t I have a character from the show as the main character and then just have Crossbones be part of the team?

Here is what I suggest. He's had a Stand longer than those in Ponyville. This sets him up as a perfect coach for the stronger but less trained Ponyvillians (not the evil variety).

That would be a good idea, if I hadn't already planned to have Twilight's father fill that role.
Also, I really can’t see Crossbones in the role of the mentor.

Another thing, I think I came up with a better reason for Crossbones to end up in Ponyville.

After spending a few days lost in the Everfree Forest he finally finds the way out of there and finds himself in the edge of Ponyville, tired and wanting to eat some real food he decides to spend some time in the town to rest. Shenanigans happens and he endups fighting Applejack.

What do you think?

Out of curiosity, could you explain to me in more details why not having a main character would be so bad?

The concept of not having a main character can and will ruin what could be a very good story. It's bad because it's the wrong approach to take (mentally). Having no main characters is like saying that you have no characters at all, and the inverse (stating that they're all main characters) is equally bad because it creates confusion as to who the focus is of the story. That's why a main character is the MAIN character. They're the focus around which events happen. Trying to rationalize it otherwise means getting into a bunch of philosophical crap which I'd only let the most experienced writers and Shortskirtsandexplosions deal with.

What you need to do is rationalize it differently. Accept the idea of secondary and supporting characters. Think about side-stories and subplots as ways to make those characters more real. But always come back to that focus (the main character), or your story will derail, get off topic, and crash and burn.

I'm having a hard time explaining it. The idea just messes with my mind somehow. I dunno. NO no... I do know. It's just REALLY HARD to explain and I have to pick my brain to get it out. I'm gonna make a lecture about this later cause I don't want to have to do this again.

The idea often lodges itself in an authors mind because it seems BIG, like it would be a way to include EVERYONE'S viewpoint in a story... take this crude visual:

____________________________________ <this is Larry's Viewpoint.
____________________________________ <this is Curly's Viewpoint.
____________________________________ <this is Mo's Viewpoint.

What the concept is thinking of doing is trying to include all three lines fully in the story (somehow). That's stupid. Which perspective will it open with? which one will it end with for that matter? Conceptualizing it like this won't let you answer those questions. What should happen is this:

_________ ___________ _____ <this is Larry's Viewpoint.
_______ ___ ____ <this is Curly's Viewpoint.
_______ __ <this is Mo's Viewpoint.

^^This is what a regular story does. Cut out all the unnecessary bits. Focus on the perspectives which matter at the time. ONE OF THEM WILL ALWAYS BE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE OTHERS. It's a given.

Ok... I think I'm done ranting (I'm tired and a little hot-blooded right now). Hopefully you find this intriguing to say the least.

874430
Your rant was, indeed, intriguing and made me question some parts of what I had planned for the story.

I also want to say thank you. You were a very helpful person, and because of you I was able to notice thinks that not only were wrong with my OC but also with my plans for the story. So, once again I say thank you.

Now if you excuse me I gonna rethink my plans for the story and work on the main villain.

See you later.

1. Teardrop
5. (It'll make more sense if I do this first) My OC's cutie mark is three tears, and his special talent, to put it in simple terms, is to be evil and bring about pain, sadness, sorrow, misery, etc. I've always wondered about this, because if you think about it no pony can control what their cutie mark/ special talent/ destiny is, and it's the one more than other that determines their personality and life. Pinkie Pie's special talent is to bring joy/ make ponies laugh, and her personalty reflects that. Same with the rest of the Mane Six and really every pony in Equestria. So I wondered, what if a pony's special talent was being evil and causing pain to others, how would their personality and life be? Would they accept their destiny? Would they fight it? What would their job be?
2. I'm a bit undecided on this. Teardrop is evil, and I feel his look should reflect that. If that's the route I go then he'll have a black body and his mane, tail and eyes will be a blood-red. I feel that this is cliche though, so I'm still undecided on what to do...
Also, Teardrop will be an Earth Pony. My reason for this is that he'll obviously be the villian in his story, and I'm tired of seeing Celestia being defeated by other Alicorns and overpowered Unicorns. I feel it'll be alot more interesting if he defeats Celestia, the Mane Six and conquers Equestria as a common Earth Pony. That'll make for one hell of a fight with Celestia too.

And that's it. I'm still in the brainstorming phase for my story and am still focusing on Teardrop's personality and backstory. What I would find helpful though is feedback on the idea of Teardrop, and the idea of pony's special talent being to bring about sadness. Also, for my story I plan it being in first person from Teardrop's POV, as I feel that will add to the story by making the readers understand him better and why he does what he does. As I said before, it's a 99.9% chance that he'll be the villain and I want him to be a developed character that the reader can actually relate to, not just some pony that's evil for the hell of it.

Thanks in advance everypony!

913055
Previous comment removed because I was being an ass. Soon to be replaced with actual helpful advice. Stay tuned, and thank my brother for point out how much of an ass I was being.

>>BeauZoe
That can't be a good sign haha.

913055

the idea of pony's special talent being to bring about sadness.

This is rarely done, and if you plan on trying to stick to a canon(-ish) universe, you'll need to prepare for reflexive dislike. We haven't seen anypony in the show who had a cutie mark which actually represented that. That makes your character unique to the setting in a bad way. There are ways you might actually pull this off correctly, but if you make him for all intents and purposes a regular pony, It won't work. It's frankly better to go the Diamond Tiara route, and have him be evil despite his mark being applicable to both sides of the coin. (basically, the talent itself isn't evil, it's just how he uses it.)

I feel it'll be alot more interesting if he defeats Celestia, the Mane Six and conquers Equestria as a common Earth Pony.

Seriously?
Do that (or even hint at him doing that in the future) and you'll receive so many dislikeslose so many readers it won't even be funny. He will need to have a ROCK SOLID background as a bad guy/evil doer, and he'd better have a dang good ace up his sleeve if you even plan on having a fight scene between him and Celestia. (did I read that right? Or am I missing something?)
SECONDLY, where would it end? There is no bottom to the literary hole you just described. A deus ex machina (a miracle) would be required to end the story with anything satisfactory. Deus ex machina's are supposed to be avoided or prepared for well in advance.

I want him to be a developed character that the reader can actually relate to, not just some pony that's evil for the hell of it.

You haven't given anything which might allow him to relate well. In his current form, he's a Mary Sue. Mary Sues don't relate well to readers... at all. (He's fixable, but it'll take some work.) If you want him to be easily related to, he will need a strong backstory. Something emotionally powerful which caused him to take the evil path.

Thank you for waiting and I apologize for my previously asinine comment. I hope this is a more decent replacement.

>>BeauZoe
Well I didn't get a chance to read your original comment, so no hard feelings.

EDIT: I can see that I lack experience when it comes to this stuff, so I'll just start with a simple Slice of Life. Probably a better choice in the long run.

Thanks for taking the time to review my OC, asinine comment and all. (Seriously, what did you even write haha?)

Question- I'm still trying to figure out my Oc's personality and how she'd react with different ponies and situations. My first thought was to do a AMA for her, but I don't have any idea where I'd post it...

Any other ideas?
My first concern is that if i'm left to my own devices, I wouldn't be able to come up with as random/creative/luna knows what 'stuff' to help build my character.

864482
I've made a stupid error. I told you that your story wasn't a crossover. I was wrong, It seems that my definition of crossover and Fimfiction's definition are different. Yes, your story is a crossover. My bad.

A crossover story is when two different 'worlds' (read: sources) collide. If you mix MLP with any other cartoon, book, anime, show, radio program or whatever... it is a crossover. This includes 'amalgamations' of worlds, such as Fallout and MLP.

I neglected the underlined part. Stupid of me. Anyway, just thought I'd let you know, before it gets you into trouble.
BeauZoe

923361
I Googled "AMA personality test" and got back a test used to determine if you'd be a good employee. I Googled "AMA test" by itself and got a medical screening for autoimmune disorder. Neither one really works to help determine character, the first one is specific to work place conditions.

" random/creative/luna knows what 'stuff' " I personally think that comes easier when thought up without guidelines like a personality test.

If you have anything else that you could tell me, that might help me give a more detailed response.

925709
hmmm, I guess i'm just being unsure. this would be the first character i've ever created with the intention of sharing with others (through art and reading and whatnot) and i really don't want her to flop and be a fail.

927875
Base her off your Mom.
I'm totally serious.
Think about it. We (hopefully I'm not bringing up a painful subject) all have a Mom. I'd think you could get a truly amazing character with that as a base.

928573
Actually, that's partly how i formed her family. by taking different aspects of my own (which is a really weird family structure based on how solid it is. I guess we're kinda like the Apples in that regard ) and and plunking those aspects on my OC's family.
at this point i'm beginning to think it's more of a confidence issue with me more than anything else

Do you guys accept HasbrOCs?

I'm just horrible when it comes to making OCs from scratch, appearance wise, and I try to play along with the tradition of my little pony and make lemonade out of a flowchart about citrics.

I have one OC, though, and I don't even know where to use her but I'll post her later so I can have some input on it.

942955
I've never even heard of that term, so I'll simply guess that HasbrOC's refers to canon characters.
I don't see why not.
We'll treat him/her like any other OC only with some pre-ordained knowledge to fall back on.

943075
HasbrOCs are the toy only characters that never got into the show like Magnet Bolt, Emerald Ray, Lily Blossom, etc.

943079
Still don't see a difference. Post the OC when you feel like it and we'll give the proverbial once (or twice) over.

As much as I'd love to ship my OTP on the story I'm putting them in SnowMay is love. Death to the inferior LilyMay. Get this out of my head. Help., I like the challenge of writing inside the limits that writing for kids give.
Not like I'm writing this for kids but, yeah.

Anyways, I mentioned these characters before on ponychan and Feathermay came off as slightly Mary Sue-ish so I'm still making adjustments here and there, and would you look at that wall of text?

Feathermay
Appearance: Pegasus pony with a magenta coat and red, orange and yellow mane. Her mane is long, wavy and messy. She still conserves some braids here and there and uses a dark grey bandana which gives her a wild look. Her cutie mark is a trio of feathers, blue, yellow and red.

Backstory: Feathermay was abandoned since she was a filly on a port and got adopted by Sea Whirl the swift, a unicorn pirate, much to the dismay of most of his crew.
Sea Whirl took her as his cabin pony and became her father figure; teaching her about life, how to defend herself and lots of pirate crafts like cartography, fencing, navigation, fishing, gorilla warfare, etc. Life was good as Sea Whirl was a generous pony who only stole from corrupt people to give to the less fortunate and was met with gratitude anywhere he went.
But their ship was attacked by a rival corsair from a distant region and May was separated from the family she had made. Sea Whirl told May to abandon the pirate life and go live with other ponies, to forget about revenge.
Arriving on Baltimare she found herself jobless and nameless, a complete stranger on a big city filled with ponies she knew nothing about. After getting her share of trouble and shady contacts, she meets Honeybuzz who offers to get her a job.
Since then she does her best to keep herself out of trouble and live an honest life.
Personality: She is very impulsive and at times aggressive, tends to be rude and lacks manners but is naturally smart from experience, humble and supportive of her friends. May keeps a happy and playful demeanor most of the time.
She has a hard time to trust ponies she just meets but is still very sociable, keeping enough distance to not involve herself to much; this makes her be perceived as distant and manipulative but she is just insecure about getting others into her life.
She always keeps her word and is grateful for favors, always wanting to reciprocate them.
The loss of her father figure made her become afraid of losing anyone important to her and as a result tends to act without thinking to protect her friends, which makes her more often than not make bad decisions or become sad at the thought of losing them, even to the point of abandoning them altogether to avoid it.
Ability: Her special talent is being able to talk to birds. Added to that, she is very skilled at maneuvering on air, is able to perfectly read complex maps, knows lots of ways to identify the authenticity of bits, and is a reliable navigator and skilled fighter.
None of this got her a job though.
Relationships with canon characters: Barely. At most she gets to meet the Royal sisters but tends to avoid them due to her shady past.
Relationships with OC's: Initially, she is wary of Snowcatcher due to the circumstances which lead to the group meeting, but after seeing she had good intentions she warms up to her and even becomes her closest friend.
Having diametrically opposed attitudes and customs, she often clashes with Lily Blossom. They have a sort of rivalry but in the end both respect each other just that they never say it out loud.
Feathermay loves to join in Twinkleshine’s jokes, often acting as the comic foil to the strangely sound Twinkleshine that appears whenever she needs a straight man.
There’s no other pony to which May is more thankful and trusts more than Honeybuzz. She got her a job when she was about to ruin her life and reminded her why she wasn’t still fighting to survive out in the sea.
Like most of the group, she respects Plumsweet and holds her wisdom at a very high esteem. However, she isn’t beyond questioning her at all. Actually, she is always the first to put Plumsweet on her place if she gets out of hand with her drive to take care for the rest.
She is friends with Kimono, an antiquarian longma, with whom she used to live with when she just arrived at Baltimare. Kimono tends to act as if Feathermay went back to being a rogue whenever she asks her for help, but is still glad to see her friend from time to time. They are really close to each other, talking to each other with a confidence similar to that of sisters.
Social life: Only keeps a small group of friends, friends whom she can consider family.
Place in the story: She becomes the Element of Loyalty and the right hand of Snowcatcher after an incident made her join the rest of the team to rescue Lily Blossom, a friend of Honeybuzz.
Notes(here goes all the shit nobody cares about):
Has a pet parrot named Kaspian.
She likes fruits and cereals over greens and flowers.
Used to be shunned by a diamond dog that was the first mate, but they became friends when May helped him to overcome what brought him to the crew in the first place.
She tends to space out like crazy when she is alone.
She is also pretty fond of her tough looks. Thinks they make her look cool.

950677 I am so sorry. Somehow, I overlooked this being here.

Feathermay sounds like a pretty well rounded character to me. Her background is quite well defined, and her personality is solid, but for the sake of the review, Let's see if I can't find some chinks which could be filled in.

Here's a big one. What's her Cutie Mark story? You told me what it looks like and what talent it represents, but the story is important to. How did it happen? And why talking to birds? Will that even be applicable to the story? (You'll need to enlighten me.)

Another one. Who taught her to fly? It couldn't have been the bosun(diamond dog) or the captain(unicorn). Does that mean there is another pony(or perhaps griffon) out there that she looks up to? Could have major implications to the story if it turns out some of these figures are alive. Potential story material.

You say that she's proud of her tough looks... All I'm getting from her appearance is wild and messy hair. You should make it a point to have her be really well muscled. It would make sense for her to be toned since she'd probably have her own workload on the ship. Carry that over to her living in Baltimare, and she could be stronger than most others. Someone who (if given the chance) could very easily work for her living.

You say that she'll become the element of Loyalty?
Well, OK. If you say so. I'm guessing that means she's a supporting character. Do the canon mane six exist in this universe? You mentioned that there might be a brief encounter with Celestia at one point... so what's going on... why do they get the elements?

970039
Nevermind it. We all have more important things to do.
That sounded just terrible. Sorry.

Here's a big one. What's her Cutie Mark story? You told me what it looks like and what talent it represents, but the story is important to. How did it happen?

Yeah. I thought that revealing it would be cause a spoiler surge but now that I think of it, only Lily does that so far.
It happens on one trip a part of the crew does to get some supplies before a long trip.
Feathermay being the curious pony she is, is enthralled by the exotic birds that are on sale and realizes she can understand them.
May asks the captain if it would be possible to free the birds who are unhappy of being caged, and since May is like his daughter, he does so, starting a riot that got them banned from the entire port they were on.
The birds become of great help later on as they obey Feathermay out of gratitude.
And that's how she gets her butt tatoo.

Another one. Who taught her to fly? It couldn't have been the bosun(diamond dog) or the captain(unicorn). Does that mean there is another pony(or perhaps griffon) out there that she looks up to?

I completely overlooked that one, thank you.
So far there is a griffon half-crow, half-leopard involved on her backstory but he is a young rival captain so he is out of the question.

Carry that over to her living in Baltimare, and she could be stronger than most others. Someone who (if given the chance) could very easily work for her living.

The problem had more to do with nopony there trusting a complete stranger that looked like a criminal, so that's why Honeybuzz who is known by pretty much everypony as an honest hard worker enters and recommends May for a job.

Do the canon mane six exist in this universe? You mentioned that there might be a brief encounter with Celestia at one point... so what's going on... why do they get the elements?

I originally thought of making them a supplent team of elements formed by Luna in case the elements where to fail but then I saw that 1)Luna is pretty much the straight mare of the sisters so going beyond her competence and breaking protocol would be out of character, 2)even if she did that, it would be pointless if they never get to wield the elements and 3)I made several villains, some world threatening, and I became very fond of them; thus making this group doing all the problem solving behind the mane 6 sounded like I was trying to make them superior to the mane 6.

Right now, I'm working with the story being set on an alternate universe where the mane 6 never met, the sonic rainboom never happened and Celestia was the one to turn evil, so Nightmare Night is replaced with an annual mass harvesting festival I don't have a name for yet.
The mane 6 exist but into completely different roles.
Pinkie is a model and a very respected pony who went out of the rock farm; she is known on the high society for her smart, acid jokes.
Applejack stayed on Manehattan and tried her luck at acting, but she became pony Ed Wood.
Twilight Sparkle is the Leonardo Da Vinci of Equestria and a hermit that works for the royals. Her brother is still the same Shining Armor.
Fluttershy became another hermit with published books like Twilight but hers are bestiaries which tell in great detail about all animals big and small, and the monsters on the Everfree forest.
Rainbow Dash is one of the most important fliers on the Equestrian air force.
And Rarity is everywhere, being a trend setting designer and celebrity.

One question, though.
Would making one of the team a former princess from another pony kingdom just having the title, not an alicorn upset the balance in any way?

Let me know just how terrible are my ideas BeauZoe.
I need it.

Edit:
P.S.: Could I bother you with the profiles of my "mane 6" later for some input on them?

Alright, I've actually got pretty much a whole secondary cast of OC's (Ill only be posting half of the 6 total though, the other 3 aren't quite as developed as I would like yet) from the story i'm writing that has yet to be published so review whichever ones you want to.

1. Eureka
2. Light blue body, fairly short and neat dark blue mane and tail with a few white streaks inside (About 80% blue, 20% white). Dark blue exclamation point cutie mark.
2.1. male
2.2. unicorn
3. Born in canterlot to a fairly wealthy family of bank owners. Went to Hoofverd for college then moved to manehattan to teach at manehattan university before becoming a (failing) freelance inventor before the events of the story start. Has one older brother who will be described later.
4. Extremely smart, very vocal, HUGE ego (Think Rodney Mckay, but worse), hates anyone he sees as an idiot, very insensitive sense of humor (Has no problem making a insulting joke about somepony to their own face), and finds it very hard to deal with boredom.
5. Slightly higher than average magical afinety. His cutie mark represents ideas.
6. In the story he serves as the co-captain of a spaceship under Rainbow Dash, and the two clash in pretty much the way you would expect. Other mane 6 are just acquaintances.
7. Younger brother of Cloak, friend-ish of Quiz (Going into any more detail would be a BIG spoiler)
8. Mostly tinker or read, anything they can to pass the time. When with friends will usually agree to go along with whatever they want to do, as most of his pastimes are better done alone.
9. Main character alongside the mane 6 and 5 other main OC's.
10. There are more OC relations with the other 3 OC's, but i'm not going to bother including them since they won't be profiled here.

1. Quiz
2. Turquoise green body, green-ish blue and blue-ish purple mane and tail. Purple question mark cutie mark.
2.1. Female
2.2. Unicorn
3. Saying much of anything here would be spoilers that I don't want to say but if you really MUST know then PM me or something. What I can say is that she served in the Royal Espionage Agency for a few years along side Cloak up until the story's start
4. Very analytical, very smart, always analyzing everything, usually serious and quiet but will be sociable if required.
5. Again, BIG spoilers.
6. Serves as co-captain of spaceship under Twilight, with whom she gets along with well. Otherwise acquaintances with rest of mane 6.
7. Friend of cloak, friend-ish of Eureka (Spoilers, again, sorry).
8. Is ALWAYS busy. If there isn't something to do, she'll find something to do. If she can't find anything to do, she'll make something to do.
9. Main character.
10. Sorry about all the blanks but there are a lot of things here that if said would spoil the enjoyment of my story. Also same notes as above for other OC relations.

1. Cloaked Dagger
2. Navy blue body with black mane and tail. Gray cape with dagger in front of it for a cutie mark.
2.1. Male
2.2. Unicorn
3. Born to fairly wealthy family of bank owners in canterlot. Joined the Royal Espionage Agency and has been one of it's top agents for a while.
4. Fairly serious, very bond-ish (If you get what I mean by that), occasionally flirt-y
5. Worked with the REA for about a decade before the story starts.
6. Serves as co-captain of spaceship under Pinkie, where his attempts at flirting and seriousness go right over her head providing comic relief. Acquaintance with rest of mane 6.
7. Older brother of Eureka, friend and coworker of Quiz.
8. His job usually provides him with very little free time, but what little he has is spent with other ponies.
9. Main character.
10. Same notes regarding OC relations as above.

970497
I've got an idea for how you can plausibly teach Feathermay to fly. Have the birds be the ones who taught her. Since she can speak with them it's logical that something would come of that. Simple, and doesn't require you to create an otherwise useless OC.

Would making one of the team a former princess from another pony kingdom (just having the title, not an alicorn) upset the balance in any way?

Well, yes. I'm assuming it would effect the balance of the story somehow, since that's a heavy piece of background info which can't simply be passed over. But, I think the more important question is, why make her (whichever one it is) a princess at all? I don't see how adding that detail could improve the story, other than a superficial padding of character, which could actually be achieved in a hundred other ways. It could possibly provide a plot hook, but from my position of limited understanding I can't see where you could take it.

I made several villains, some world threatening, and I became very fond of them; thus making this group doing all the problem solving behind the mane 6 sounded like I was trying to make them superior to the mane 6.

My honest opinion is that you're still giving your main characters to much, just like how you say your fond of your villains. It's important that an author does not pamper their character's, since that creates Mary Sues. Instead of saying, "What can I give my characters to make them more interesting?" Or, "What can I do to help them past a tough spot?" You should consider whether they already have these things in overabundance, and instead say "What positions can I put them in which test their limits?" Or, "What can I take from them, to cause them to grow as characters?"

Sigh... To me, that principle extends to your whole story. It feels like you've made the universe around what you could give your characters. It's also the reason why I don't read stories involving an author's own version of the main 6. I'm to much of a critic to enjoy it.

The above paragraph is the reason why I took so long to get back to you. I don't enjoy telling people that I wouldn't read their story as is. Feathermay as a character is beautiful and I would totally read a story about her and her friends. But you've conspired to make it all bigger than it has to be. That's it really.

So, here's my OC:

Name: Soft Hooves (Might change it)

Description: A male, earth pony with black short and unkempt mane and tail. The color of his coat is medium grey, with (artificial) light blue stripes across his body. His pupils are of a very dark brown color, that at first sight appears to be black. He wears a camouflaged ball cap most of the time and black rectangular sunglasses sometimes.

Overview: He was born in an undisclosed city, in a relatively calm neighborhood. His parents owned a store, that sold supplies such as fruits, food, beverages, as well as tools like pencils, erasers and the likes. When he was a foal, he didn't had many friends. Matter of fact, he didn't even had any real friend, since there weren't many foals or fillies in the neighborhood, and the ones who lived there didn't spent time with him. He also had a sister, but he's on very bad terms with her. Overall, he wasn't too close to his family. As he grew up, he had pets, but due to unfortunate circumstances and ignorance, he killed them. He went through elementary school alone, making little to no friends as well. He spent most of his time consumed in books, learning, though he was particularly interested in combat, weaponry and survival, which were skills that drifted him farther away from the colts and fillies of his age. Whatever friends he had, bullied him, until he met a fellow colt, who shared similar goals and interests, and he fell in love with a shy, unicorn mare, but all of this changes, when the events of the story develop. (A trip to the countryside that goes wrong)

Personality: He's the quiet, solitary type. While he would rather spent most of the time alone in silence, he appreciates the magic of friendship, and does not hesitate to stand up for his friends in the face of injustice. While he does not condone violence, and prefers low-profile, diplomatic approaches, he's able to give some serious hurt to whoever threatens his friends. He has a terrible case of entomophobia, particularly towards moths and butterflies, and is very easy to scare, unless he's serious or the situation demands bravery. His social skills are not particularly good, but he can hold out on his own. He also grows a fondness towards animals and nature, since he grew sick of living most of his life in a city. Despite being introverted, he's very naive, believes in certain moral codes, and always gives the benefit of doubt to everypony, something that has been used against him many times during his foalhood. However, he's no saint. His moral alignment is confusing at best. Sometimes, he does the "right" thing, while other times, he does the total opposite. He always wanted to be able to fly, and hates being an earth pony.

Special abilities: If a single word could describe him, it would be average. He's not particularly fast, strong, or resistant, but is very good with firearms and most melee weapons. His intelligence, survival and unarmed skills are slightly above average. He also possesses some limited medical knowledge, since that's the profession his parents wanted him to pursue. He can also cook, sew, and repair to some extent computers and average machinery. Most of his knowledge comes from books.

Relationship with canon characters: He doesn't know anyone from the canon series, but will eventually meet Fluttershy when he (reluctantly) searches for a pet, and Zecora when he wanders through the Everfree. (Not sure of all of this section. Might delete or alter it later)

Relationship with other OCs: He's friends with another earth pony (whose name I haven't figured out yet), who is an artist, and (Soft Hooves) is in love with a shy, unicorn mare (whose name I also haven't thought of) that loves reading.

Social life: He's not very sociable. In his spare time, he either trains himself in combat or survival, or reads books. If he's particularly moody, he might just sit in a corner and do nothing. (Something he did a lot in his foalhood)

Status: Main character (For now)

Notes: My head hurts a little after writing all of this, so I might miss some other details. Sorry if this is too vague or incomplete. I'm new to this writing business. Oh, and if any of you are wondering, yes, he's based on me for the most part. (Specially the fear of insects thing)

1032804
I already made an owl/lynx griffin OC for that but it ended up being a useless slob that ruins everything around him.
Thanks for the bird idea. I seriously don't know how come I didn't thought of it.

I don't enjoy telling people that I wouldn't read their story as is. Feathermay as a character is beautiful and I would totally read a story about her and her friends. But you've conspired to make it all bigger than it has to be. That's it really.

Thank you for thinking Feathermay is a good character, I never thought it would mean this much to me, but it does. Somehow.
Onto the topic of the quote, I wouldn't mind if you told me if my premise was complete garbage and that you wouldn't read it, as long as you gave me a reason.
The thing with making a whole alternate OC based main six is that, as you said, most people end up becoming attached and giving their characters too many things or making it bigger than it needs to be.
I'm trying to limit them as much it's reasonable and even then some still need some adjusts to not appear as Mary Sues, especially Plumsweet.

First, I gave them limited skills then I made them as common as they could get, and then I tried to make their backstories reasonable.
Then there came the challenges I could throw at them or how could I have a consistent group of elements out of the ponies I choose.
With the challenges I'm doing what I can to keep them smart as I'm trying to keep this away from mature stuff.
Mostly because defeating a bad guy burning him alive with magic or cutting his head with a pony AK47's bullet stream is way easier to think than convincing him to stop or fool him into self-destructing.
With the elements, surprisingly I didn’t had a problem with adjusting them to those, I just had a little difficulty identifying which ones would suit each pony the best.

My honest opinion is that you're still giving your main characters to much, just like how you say your fond of your villains. It's important that an author does not pamper their character's, since that creates Mary Sues. Instead of saying, "What can I give my characters to make them more interesting?" Or, "What can I do to help them past a tough spot?" You should consider whether they already have these things in overabundance, and instead say "What positions can I put them in which test their limits?" Or, "What can I take from them, to cause them to grow as characters?"

I see what you say.
My initial idea for Celestia as the fallen sister is, in my opinion, pretty good but then I'm not too enthusiastic about writing the obligatory arc for Discord as it would feel to crowded with him, Celestia, Chrysalis and even Sombrero adding up to the already big roster of original villains(new smooze, a human, a witch, new erebus, a bear).

Sigh... To me, that principle extends to your whole story. It feels like you've made the universe around what you could give your characters. It's also the reason why I don't read stories involving an author's own version of the main 6. I'm to much of a critic to enjoy it.

That's the bad thing about writing AU because you are trying to make your own take on the story and not because you are trying to avoid conflict with canon.

The thing with the elements is that 1)I never planned them to be available right at the start since the first villain is completely unrelated to them, and 2) I don't have a good reason for Snowcatcher to meet the others unless she is forced to do it, as she is more of a shut in than Twilight. Not only that, her main character trait is being indifferent and apathetic.
There are really few things that could get her out of her little world initially and I don’t have any idea of what they could be.

I'm assuming it would effect the balance of the story somehow, since that's a heavy piece of background info which can't simply be passed over. But, I think the more important question is, why make her (whichever one it is) a princess at all? I don't see how adding that detail could improve the story, other than a superficial padding of character, which could actually be achieved in a hundred other ways. It could possibly provide a plot hook, but from my position of limited understanding I can't see where you could take it.

Finally, about the princess thing; to put it shortly, one of them used to be a princess but she rebelled against her father and abandoned her title to follow what her true passion was.
However, when she clashes with the real world and the implications of her former position as a noble finally sink in, guilt leaves her devastated and she decides to keep it as a secret from everyone.
I think it could be a good source for future conflict and add some depth to her, but like you i'm not absolutely sure about it.
I’m sold on it, but I’m not sure if it’s a good purchase.

Thank you for you patience. Really.
And sorry if it's disordered, I didn't had much time to redact it.

Name: Morning Glory
Appearance:
Cutie mark (not shown): a purple-and-white morning glory flower

Gender: Female

Race: Earth Pony (Changeling)

Backstory: Morning Glory was born in a small changeling nest west of Filly Delphia. Before she was old enough to learn much of her kind's powers and lifestyle, her nest was attacked by a mob of ponies and her family killed. Glory was spared by a wealthy stallion in the mob, but only so he could force her to replace his dying daughter for the sake of his grieving wife.
Glory grew up in a home with little love and no knowledge of her kind. Her adopted father abused her regularly to keep her "monstrous" side in check and forbid her from learning her changeling magic. When she was finally old enough to live on her own, Glory ran away and joined the Equestrian Fire Department to try and earn the love she needed by helping ponies and serving her country.

Personality: Glory has grown to be a very timid pony, fearful not only of her changeling side, but also of other ponies discovering her true nature. She has learned to be friendly and welcoming when she needs to gather enough energy to get by, but otherwise keeps to herself.

Special Abilities: Because of how she was raised, the only standard changeling abilities Glory knows are shape-shifting and love gathering, the latter of which she does passively so long as emotion (friendly or otherwise) is directed toward her.
Glory can use her love energy for two things: accelerated healing, which all changelings can do, and physical enhancement, which she discovered while working as a fire fighter. With this technique, Glory and use love to fortify her strength and resilience for a short period of time. This can be done while she is disguised, but runs the risk of breaking her shape-shift spell due to the strain it can put on her concentration.

Relations with canon characters: none

Relations with other OCs: Glory's one stable friendship is with a blind unicorn named Smokey Screen, also a fire fighter. He knows about her troubled home life but does not know about her changeling nature.

Social Life: Glory tries to maintain a friendly relationship with each of her fellow fire fighters, both for a chance to pull herself out of her own shell and to keep the love-energy flowing. While off-duty, Glory spends most of her time tending to her flower garden and hanging out with Smokey. She spends her nights practicing her physically-buffing magic with whatever love she feels she can spare.

Place in story: Main Character

Extra Notes: None

I've been toying around with the idea of having Glory attempt to be a super hero to try to earn love on a massive scale. I think it would be a really fun story to tell and would let me play around with changelings (a race I find so very, very interesting) without dealing much with Chrysalis or the usual "changeling finds acceptance among ponies" plot.

So, where does she shine, where is she stink, and how should I improve her?

1140353
Hello Kaptain! I'm Jinx and I'll be your reviewer today! This is my first review, so please take in mind the fact that I am in no way experienced at this,

First off, I love the name, one of the hardest parts of the OC is getting a natural sounding name in. I only have one problem with it, but I'll address that later.

I won't lie, when I first saw the Changeling part, I was expect a blatant Sue. However, you surprised me and made a good, in-depth character. My only qualm is the abuse, which I can sort of understand, but the story would work just as well with a caring family who raised her to want to be a normal pony. If you feel you're a good enough writer though, you can go for it, so long as you keep from mentioning it every other chapter.

Her personality is pretty well rounded, and I like her attitude of making friends: Ponies are friends, AND food!

Smokey Screen kind of confuses me. I'm pretty sure you can't be a firefighter if you're blind... Any who, I'm not here to talk about fellow firefighters, we're here to talk about her, which brings me to my last point...

Why is her cutie mark a Morning Glory? I can understand her profession as a firefighter, but I don't get why her cutie mark is a flower. Is it metaphorical? Is there a specific reason? Do Changelings lack the ability to earn a cutie mark, and so she just copied her name onto her butt?

Overall, a good character that went way beyond my expectations, 8/10!

PS: Sweet Princess Celestia! A Changeling superhero! Now THIS, I gotta see!

1317007

Thank you very much for your review! It really means a lot to me to get some feedback on this.

It honestly never occurred to me to have Morning Glory grow up in a completely caring environment. There are aspects of the character post I wrote a certain way because I wanted to avoid blatant connections with Man of Steel (which I had just seen), but that isn't the main reason. I really wanted a good reason for Glory to go out into the world of her own volition. Obviously her parents could have pushed for her to try to live a life among the rest of Equestria instead of playing it safe at their home, but I always thought of Glory as more strong-willed than that.

As for the abuse itself, well, I've been doing a lot of thinking on that as well. First of all, I plan to have this story set in Glory's adulthood, so any terrible childhood experiences will be told after the fact. Secondly, I've been playing with some other ideas for her family. What if I keep the part where she was taken forcefully from her true parents (who are still presumably killed), but after she is integrated into the pony family the parents drink a zebra potion to alter their memories and forget that their daughter is anything but a normal pony. Sure, it sounds a bit over-the-top to me, but also delightfully messed up and full of possibilities for the story.

Lastly, her cutie mark. Changelings don't get cutie marks (at least not in my story), so I wanted Glory to take some initiative on this. The child that she was forced to replace was in love with gardening, hence the name Morning Glory, and could very well have ended up earning such a simple cutie mark. As an adult pony, Glory would be expected to have a cutie mark or would stand out as a blank-flank. She added this to her disguise as a teenager and never thought twice about it. I will say, however, that if she were to ever come to terms with her changeling form, she may be tempted to make her own little mark on herself.

Again, thank you so much for the review. It has really helped me think harder about this story and what I intend to do with it. I feel that this is a pretty ambitious first story, and that may not be the smartest move for a new writer, but I'm confident that I can make something happen here.

P.S. Regardless of any darker themes suggested by these posts, this story has always been intended with a more positive tone.

1037235
Hello! ohhhh boy, this is going to be a hell of a long comment. a review plus 4 characters. Damn son.
Anyway. let's begin
First off, change the name. It's, to be frank, boring.
He sounds as if he'd look alright, though he's a bit dull besides his blue stripes.
But the personality and backstory are pretty kick-ass. He sounds like a likable, but not completely unflawed character to me. He knows a good variety of ponies too: that's a plus. My only worry is that he hay be just the slightest bit boring.
Overall a very good OC with an awful name, 7/10

So, my 4 OCs. Here's the story, It's incomplete though. Italics are extracts.

1) Keckla Pottle
2) Keckla had skin that was a pale purple, and big blue eyes that were all too easy to sink into. Her horn was positioned straight above and between her eyes and her snout was perfect, round holes that weren't too big but weren't too small. Her legs were slightly weedy but still showed signs of having strength in them. Her stomach did not droop for it curved nicely and her body was spotless and pure.
Keckla has not yet found her cutie mark, despite her age
3) Keckla grew up in Saddale, which is not a very nice place to live in, for it is full of thieves and dealers and other scum. Her parents died while on a robbery, and on that robbery she rescued a baby stallion who she had named Mika. 8 years on, and Keckla is old enough to escape Saddale and start a life elsewhere.
4) Keckla is a very nice, very polite pony. She has a lot of patience, due to her constant unwanted interactions with the townsfolk at Saddale. She is very tolerant of others and tries to remain calm at all times, but when she realizes the upbringing she could've had in Ponyville 16 years worth of anger begins to boil her blood.
5) After Keckla's parents died she was supported by the Mayor of Saddale, Who allowed her to live alone with Mika. When she comes to Ponyville, she gets a job as a waitress in the local pub. She doesn't know what she's good at, for she has no cutie mark.
6) When she comes to Ponyville, she meets Twilight. Twilight was going to meet her brother at the pub, but is stood up by him. Keckla notices her, and cheers her up. Twilight then helps Keckla out of a confrontation with Simian (More on him later) and the 2 become friends.
7) She begins to hold the pub's owner, Mr Purgley, as a father figure. She HATES Simian with all her heart. When she first re-meets Mika, she is reminded of Saddale and acts negatively towards him even though she likes him.
8) Keckla kept to herself in Saddale, but is very social when she comes to Ponyville. She enjoys just walking around the town as activity buzzes around her, and hanging out with the friends she meets
9) One of the Main 4 characters.
10) She is integral to the story, but inferior personality-wise to the other normal OC character who is...

OC No.2
1) Mika. His real name was lost when his and Keckla's parents were killed 8 years ago
2) His body was a darker blue but the darker colour did not hide the bags under his eyes. His mane and tail were both chocolate brown. His legs were not muscular but they were clearly the legs of one who had done much manual labor in his lifetime. His eyes, brown and rejecting, were barriers planted firmly between his emotions and the dark, cruel world.
He is also without a cutie mark, and is a normal earth pony.
3) Saved by Keckla eight years ago, only to be enslaved by her. His resentment for her had been building up for the past 8 years, and on the morning he was going to kill her then herself she flees Saddale, leaving Mika shocked as to what he was about to do. He tails Keckla but loses her when she gets to Ponyville,
4) Silent. talks only when spoken too. When he comes to Ponyville, his expectations of ponies are that of the ones in Saddale. He slowly opens up to the magical place though, and is very polite and appreciative of his surroundings. He feels sometimes as if he doesn't fit in at Ponyville, due to his awful past.
5) Strong for a pony his age, due to years of slave labour, and is eventually revealed to have a natural talent with swords. His cutie mark appears, which is 3 thin swords clashing.
6) Twilight becomes a mother to Mika through out the plot of the story.
7) Hated Keckla, but now is unsure what to think of her. Generally likes everything about Ponyville, and all the Ponies in it.
8) Only goes out with Twilight, otherwise stays in the library and talks to Spike, watching him do his chores.
9) Second of the main 4 in my story
10) I also have a 5th OC who i will not name here, for he is only introduced later on. This Pony will give Mika clarity as to who he is and what he can do with his life, as well as a couple of other kinda important things. (*Cough triestokilltwilight Cough*)

OC No.3

1) Synther Strongbark... maybe.
2 and 3)The sleeping Pegasus was male, and able bodied. Delicately positioned upon his light green face was a warm smile, one that told you he appreciated his own life. He had comfortable wings and a short but radiant blue tail and mane. A bird landed on a nearby nest and began to feed its young, who tweeted their high pitched voices with glee. The Pegasus warmly opened his eyes to this, revealing a stunning pair of blue gems which twinkled at the sky despite black pupils in the centre of them. He tenderly got on to his hooves and took a deep breath of the fresh morning air before stretching his legs and wings. He nodded at the surroundings in approval and began to hum while putting on his saddlebag. The Pegasus made his way out of the centre of the pond and looked down the hill to his destination, which was none other than Ponyville. He knew he could’ve flown there, but why miss the chance for an excellent walk through the countryside? For that was the type of pony he was. He mentally prepared himself for the short journey forward, remembering why he was there. He was once a sailor who had sailed with his brothers but left his boat and travelled to Ponyville for a new life. His name was Synther Strongbark, and he eagerly looked at his new home awaiting the treasures he’d find there.
4) Depends on the Pony he's talking to. Tries to be likable to everyone.
5) Synther doesn't have a cutie mark, and has no intention on finding one. He is content with going through life without discovering if he has any special abilities
6) Falls in love with Fluttershy, and is an acquaintance of Twilight.
7) I haven't decided how he'll treat Mika and Keckla when they meet under the circumstances they'll be in
8) Huge spoilers for the story in 3...2...1... Synther Strongbark is a changeling. He and his 3 brothers broke in to an old ruin where the skeletons of dead adventurers lie and became them, though now they look like the skeletons did when they were alive. When he comes to Ponyville, he sleeps under a bridge. He tricks Fluttershy in to loving him, and begins to feed off of her. However, he fell in love with Fluttershy himself and can't bare to kill her. Fluttershy gets better and, for a while, everything is fine. But then Synther remembers he's a changeling and sneds a message to his brothers that something went wrong for him, and to meet him in their pre-selceted relay point... Which just so happens to be in Saddale.
9) Synther is the third of the main four in the story
10) Synther isn't supposed to make sense as a fully rounded character unless you've read the spoilers. Please keep that in mind when judging him.

OC No.4

1) Simian Dibar
2 and 3)Now, Simian Dibar was not a pony you’d like to meet in a dark alley. Or in broad daylight, either way he’d kill you if you got on his wrong side. He was unique according to himself, A Boss, an Idol. He was a brown pony, with brown eyes, strong legs and a sick green mane that he wore smartly to prove his betterness than other ponies. Because he was better then most. He had to be. He could determine if he was better or worse than a pony just by looking at them. He had to be able to. He could cause pain and not deserve it. He had to. It was fun. Saddale said it was fun, therefore Simian said it was fun. And if Simian said it was fun, it was fun. It had to. He had to.
4) A violent, repulsive, sick little fuck this one. Always want's to get his way, and will do anything to get it. He always talks about himself, and always put everyone else down to make himself feel good.
And here's the kicker: If you've gone to school, there's probably someone a lot like him there.
5) Again, no cutie mark. He has a special ability at being a disgusting little asswipe, if you'd call that an ability.
6) Has none.
7) Lusts over Keckla, even before she matures. When she stands him up in Ponyville, He attempts to kill her.
8) You don't want to know.
9) Minor Villain
10) Minor Villain!? What!? Well, the Main Villain tries to kill twilight as a message to Celestia to stop ignoring places like Saddale and is a far more understandable character. Plus, this dickhead dies part-way through the fic

So... yeah. That's that.

1333757

Four of them. I guess I'll share a brief opinion on each of them.

Keckla: An odd one to me in quite a few ways. It seems unlikely for somepony to grow up in as hostile an environment as Sadaddle and remain ""very nice, and very polite." I assume she had some sort of special event in her youth which caused her to start believing that niceness was a good trait to have in spite of a hostile environment, but that's just me inferring. You're describing what she looks like to most ponies on the outside, but I'm willing to bet she has severe mental issues. Her lack of a cutie mark seems odd to me, but I suppose one blank flank adult isn't too out of the ordinary. "Keckla Pottle". Of course she doesn't have a cutie mark now that i think about it, what kind of talent or trait can tie into "Keckla Pottle"? Doesn't seem like a very pony-ish name, but I'll give you credit for originality.

Keckla's rating from me: 7/10 - Decent, but imperfect.

Mika: Let me give you an idea of how I felt when reading this description. Ahem.

"Oh boy, an eight year old OC! I'm sure he's gonna be sweet and look up to Keckla as a big sister! Let's see... oh... that's a bit sad... SLAVERY!? Where did that come from? Might have been nice to add to Keckla's description, that! Moving on... Attempted murder? Well, at least he shapes up when he gets to Ponyville... aaaand learns his place in the world from a pony who also attempted murder. Fabulous."

Mika is a deep and interesting character to me, and I think there's a lot that can be done with him. Again, slavery? Keckla having a slave is a big part of her character and past, why would you not mention that in her description as well? Do she and Mika have different definitions of slavery? Does Mika feel mistreated while Keckla is oblivious to the fact that she may have done anything wrong? Important questions, because "slavery" is not a term to be used lightly. "Mika" also seems like an odd name to me. Keckla supposedly came up with that? I guess strange taste in names is just genetic. I'm curious as to how he ends up with Twilight, and what his relation is to Keckla after arriving in Ponyville.

Mika gets an 8/10 - Has potential for a lot of development.

Synther: I guess I'll have to do this one without spoiling the story. Uhm... Synther is very calm and laid back... yeah. No dark secrets or anything. Just takes life and rolls with it. No particular reason he doesn't care about not having a cutie mark, even though most ponies would. Oh, for the love of Celestia, I can't do this. Look, I have to go into spoilers. I find the whole character is secretly a changeling thing coming up in a few stories I've read, and there are ways to pull it off. Synther seems to be a good secret changeling. He interacts with the ponies and does nothing overly suspicious. Although, I suppose not being suspicious is suspicious in and of itself. Little paradox for you. I wonder how exactly he comes to fall for Fluttershy. I guess she's very loving by nature, and an ideal candidate for swallowing emotions. I do find it odd that this adventurer just so happened not to have a cutie mark despite being fully grown. That seems convenient, as now he need not worry about being good at someone else's talent. Once is alright for somepony having blank flankitude, but twice seems to push it. Also, his feelings for fluttershy don't fit with changeling nature. There had better be a good bucking reason for a love eater to have the capacity to love.

Overall, Synther looks like a good character. I don't know how he comes into contact with the first two. That could use some explaining, as he seems completely unrelated to them.

Synther gets a 7.5/10 from me. An abnormal character, but not entirely unique.

Simian: Simian seems to be a flat character. He is nasty, cruel, and careless, and that defines his character. He doesn't have a well established background, so I can only guess. His appearance isn't well defined either, so I get to imagine him in a leather jacket and wearing sunglasses like a baws. Yes, he's terrible, but he can still look cool, right? Anyway, If he has a minor role than I suppose that he can have a straightforward and shallow character. That's forgivable. What I don't find forgivable, however, is that for no apparent reason, you have, for the third time, given me a grown pony with no cutie mark. Why? If he's a minor character you could probably just slap whatever on there, no need for explaining. You say he's an asswipe, why not put used toilet paper on his flank? Anything is better than having nothing three times out of four.

Simian gets 5/10. I don't like him, and I know I'm not supposed to. But he's also pretty ambiguous, and I like to understand why I dislike someone on a deeper level than "he's a dick."

Overall rating for your OCs: 846 out of 1106 random numbers. I may take a look at your story later on.

My first review, let me know how I did. I can be too polite at times, sorry.

If anyone could rate my oc i would be very thankful and i would give you a moustache.

1. Sonic Boom
2. My avatar is the picture. (It's hard to put pictures)
3. Not really much of a backstory since he is still a foal and is just a regular ol pony. (He doesnt have his cutie mark)
4. He is a inventive pony and kindhearted, but he can sometimes lose his temper.
5. He is pretty good at utilizing electricity (especially lightning) in unique ways.
6. Sonic has a crush on Scootaloo. and he (just he and his friend know) just knows the Mane 6 from sometimes seeing them passing by in Ponyville or when they are saving Equestria.
7. He's has another pegasus friend named Ember who is a good at smelting ores.
8. He pretty much tries to make new gizmos that end up exploding in your face. He also loves racing with Ember.
9 He is the main character.
10. He is a foal and don't start talking about it wouldN't make a good story cause he is young because i think it's a interesting concept and could be made into a episode MLP(not saying the story will be good just saying that the target demographic could read the stories.)
Thanks for rating. Here is ze mustache

1460564
There's not really much to go with here.

He is a foal and don't start talking about it wouldN't make a good story cause he is young because i think it's a interesting concept and could be made into a episode MLP(not saying the story will be good just saying that the target demographic could read the stories.)

You're purposely making a character that you can't develop?

1. Name: Silver Feather
Image Drawn by Myself—

3. Backstory:

Born as a single foal into a relatively poor pegasus family consisting of a [] and [], Silver often had to deal with hostility from the majority earth pony population as a colt. He got into scraps with the other foals often, and become a capable brawler through experience.

He met his best friend, Dissero, when he scared off a group of bullies picking on him. They remained tight since then, with Dissero being a sort of little brother too him.

Diss came from a richer and well-established family, and convinced his father to pull some strings and get Silver into the Royal Aerial Academy with him. (they're around college age now)

Silver met another close friend there, a pegasus cloudgineer named Stormslider, in a game of cloudball. They spent a great deal of time together. Although the professor's of the Academy didn't trust Silver with the training airships (due to his unpredictable and cocky attitude), Storm used her much better academic reputation to convince them otherwise.

He was kicked out for reckless flying after the first try.

Dissero had been dropped from the Academy sometime earlier as well, due to poor grades, and the two of them worked odd jobs for some time. When Stormslider graduated, the trio pooled their bits and bought an airship.

Since then, Silver has always been Dissero's pilot and right-hoof stallion.

4. Personality:

Silver is cocky and overconfident, especially when it comes to his piloting ability. He's also fiercely independent, with a strong belief in the need to be self-sufficient, instilled during his youth. He has a tendency to place too much emphasis on first impressions: once he's made his mind up over whether you're a friend or an enemy, it's hard to change his mind.

He possesses a pair of flight goggles, which he wears at all times, including sleep. When he flies or becomes serious, he wears them over his eyes, but otherwise keeps them tucked in his mane. He is somewhat superstitious about his 'lucky goggles,' which he bought the morning he was kicked out of the Academy for reckless flying, and loses confidence without them.

He often sees himself as responsible for protecting his friends, and would risk his life to a fault for any person he sees as a true friend.

He also plays a wicked game of poker.

5. Special Abilities:

Silver's talent is piloting. He is a masterful pilot of airships, capable of flying any ship he takes control of, even those he has no prior experience of. He scorns manuals, insisting that he 'learn by feel' how each ship works.

He claims he can pilot every flying machine in the world, and boasts about it to everyone that will listen.

6. Relations with Canon Characters: N/A (All OC Cast)

7. Relations with Other OCs:

—Best friends since foalhood with Dissero
—Best friends since college with Stormslider
—Friends with Cleaver and Ember, the other two ponies in Dissero's crew

8. Social Life:

Silver enjoys gambling, especially cards, and will strike up a game with Cleaver (having Stormslider deal) whenever he has time. When he has shore leave, he often prowls about in search of card games, unless he's attending Dissero on business.

He's also an avid fan of playing music at a ridiculously high volume. He prefers dubstep, and likes to bring a boombox to the cockpit when he flies.

9. Place in Story: Main Character; Co-Protagonist

10. Extra Notes:
The picture I posted is actually after the fic starts, about a sixth of the way in. By this time, Silver's left wing has been crippled, and he uses a lightning gun powered by rune magic. He's also carrying a knife, as by that time he's in a rather dangerous situation.

So whaddya think, eh?

877371
I would just like to know WTH a stand is and etymologically why it would be called that, other than gratuitous Engrish.

1467668
A Stand is a "image" of someones will power. Think of it like psych powers, only more awesome.

And it is called a Stand because they stand by the users side. Yeah I know...

In other news. Is this thread still alive?

1469263
Threads die and come back to life all the time, nothing to worry about.

This is me bumping a thread. Please look at it. asdfg.

Her name is Magical Rocket.

Ana Lee was raised in a middle-class family. As she entered her teen years, she became infatuated with the new My Little Pony series and began to call herself a brony (even though she isn't a bro lololol). One day, when she was walking to class, she fell through the floor and landed in Canterlot. Ana entered Canterlot Castle where she was magically transformed into a green unicorn, and the rest is history.
As a pony, she earned her cutie mark, a red-and-yellow striped rocket, in working with fireworks and setting shows up in the summer. Since her adventures in Equestria were not real , she's jobless (who's gonna give a twelve-year-old a job anyway?)
Her story is set about a hundred years after the show's events, but she and her friends possess the Elements of Harmony (oh, what a )
As a pony, Magical Rocket lived in the deserted Sugar Cube Corner with her friends, playing games and just hanging out.
She is the main character in her story that I've linked too much.
As I'm writing this all out, I realize just how one-dimensional she is. Now to hear my horrific, slandering review of a one-sided Mary Sue alternate-dimension-traveling character who's really actually based on myself.