Showstopper

Race:

pegasus

Age:

a few years older then the CMCs, possibly around 14

Mane:

gold one curl in the front and two in the back, very much like a cross between scoots and flutters wears a small pink bow on her tail and sometimes one in the front curl of her mane

Coat:

light teal-ish blue green

Cutie mark.:

an eye, representing the crowd watching her perform

link to picture(don't know how to make the picture show up in the comment itself) here

Extra details that aren’t needed but are nice to add:

she only got into the academy because of how young she was when she got her cutie mark.

Distinguishing Features:

she blends in pretty well but is distinguished by her longer than average tail and she is a little taller then most fillies her age

Specialty (eg. special spells, unique powers etc):

she is a performer, she dances, sings, isn't a BAD artist, but her main thing is acting. she has potential to become one of the most convincing actresses in equestria

Weaknesses:

can not understand other ponies her age because of how short of a foalhood she had and is completely useless without a good nights sleep. her deep hatred of her school and the abusive foals there drive her to take drastic measures in an effort to escape

Occupation:

student

Gear:

none, unless her bow(s) count

History:

Her father abandoned her and her mentally unstable mother when she was a very young filly, sending her mother into a depresion and forcing little Showstopper to be responsible for herself. In an effort to cheer up her mother she put on a play. Her mother smiled for the first time since Show's father left and at that moment Showstopper"s cutie mark appeared. She home schooled herself until about 3rd grade when her mother decided to send her to school. Because they lived alone on a mountain top there weren't any schools so she was sent to a boarding school in nearby small town, Bridlehaven. All the ponies at the academy either had resorted to violence to keep themselves on top of the food chain and out of the line of sights of the "teachers" or simply broke from the struggle of the academy. One filly however was not broken. She was certainly not happy but she had not taken on the slightly grayish color all the other foals had and would stand off to the side of the crowds searching through the sea of greyish ponies for a speck of color. Showstopper approached her and they formed an alliance. One day the filly, Posy, became the newest target of the group of bullies so Showstopper stepped in to protect her. Only then were they truly friends. they grew closer and closer through their struggles at the Academy. Showstopper decided that Posy needed a protector and she was the perfect pony for the job. She swore to protect Posy and now spends most of her time with her

Personality:

has a passion for theater, very protective of those she loves. has some inner conflict over what is right and what aid her best in reaching her goals

Current Home:

top bunk, dorm 306, west wing, Bridlehaven Academy for Gifted Foals, Bridlehaven, Equestria

thoughts? please tell me stuff!

Might as well...(this character isn't too much of a Mary Sue... At least I think)
1. (Full) name: Moonshine
2. A description of them: Moonshine has a slick, straight back coat. She has a shoulder length mane (which is pretty long counting that ponies have lower shoulders then us) that gets brighter as it goes down with small light light light purple dots going down it too. She has normal pony, turquoise eyes.
2.1. Gender: female
2.2. Race: Pegasus
3. Backstory: (wont try to spoil the story too too much) she and her mother were touring the school for gifted unicorns with her mothers friend, Twilight. That night Nightmare Moon returned and attacked her but she remembered Moonshine and fled to attack Celestia. There went a legend that at 16 years old on December 16th you have a chance of serving for Celestia or Nightmare moon. Moonshine was sixteen, her father, discord had died by then and she inherited his 'chaos magic' but she used it for good. It was her 16th birthday and she and her friends were going out that night to celebrate after a whole pinkie pie party. But she and her other two friends got kidnapped and brought to nightmare moon. Nightmare moon decided to take her in as her foster parent but nightmare soon captures and hangs her mother making Moonshine go into 'rage change' making her look a lot like nightmare moon. That's all I'm going to say, you know, spoilers!
4. Personality: she is sweet and outgoing unlike her mother. She..tries to be funny, she loves both day and night (hence the name Moonshine), she tries to hard to get good grades in school even if it means she has to miss work as a help for her mother, pet sitter or dog walker.
5. Special abilities: although being a teenager she still doesn't have her cutie mark so she can't devote a goal for anything yet
6. Relations with canon characters: FlutterShy is her mother, Discord is her father, Princess Luna is her best friend and foalsitter and god mother, the rest of the mane six just help her out with life really...
7. Relations with other OC's: nope I guess there's none
8. Social life: CMC, that's really it...she just hangs out with the CMC and twist
9. How they will be placed in their story: mane! Yup
10. Any extra notes you want us to know: uhhhmmmmm I got nothing (ps major cliffhanger at the end the backstory!)

Name: Clockwork

Description: He is a yellow unicorn who wears a set of steampunk goggles resting above his horn and a top hat. He has a light grey mane and tail with a darker stripe running through both, and he is often seen wearing a brown tweed coat. He bears the cutie mark of a set of gears, and here is a picture of something I found similar to it.

Backstory: He was just a simple inventor living in Manehatten until he invented a weapon that revolutionized the way that soldiers in the royal guard fought. (It was pretty much the pony equivalent of a rifle) He garnered the attention of Princess Celestia, and she promised him that she would fund all of his work as long as he moved to Ponyville and trained an apprentice. When he arrived, he befriended Lyra and inherited her fascination of humans.

Social life: Since he's an older stallion, he likes to sit in front of the fire, drink some kind of beverage, and contemplate the meaning of life. He's best buds with Lyra and Bon-bon, and they try to help him have fun in his old age. His passion is inventing, and whenever he has any sort of free time, you'll find him in his cliched underground lab working on his newest inventions.

Clockwork will most likely be the main character in my story, and I look forward for your reviews! Thanks for reading this whole thing!

Name: Redmoon Levee

Appearance: see my profile pic. His other eye is the same purple as his hair.

Back story: He enlisted in the Royal Guard at 16, lying about his age. he slipped through basic and infantry training with ease, even got deployed before he was caught. Got his cutie mark on his first battle. As his unit charged into battle at Fort Strongheart, he was caught in the backlash of a spell misfiring. The explosion rocked him hard, disorienting him but not killing him. He charged into the fort and found why they were there. Read the story for the full thing. After the fight he had his cutie mark but lost his eyesight in one eye. The unicorn healers gave him back the sight, but couldn't fix the scar or the color.

Age: About 40

Ability: Sees the freshly dead sprites of ponies, and the ones that stay behind after death, as if they were still alive.

Cutie Mark: A waning, red crescent moon

Relationship with Cannon: Celestia is about the only one he has contact with, and even then its only for his duties as a Guard. Even if he is retired.

Relationship with O.C.: If you read it, you'll see he was in love with a dead changeling that he finally set free from the curse of the Fort. (I still think i'm an ass for doing that to him.)

1. Grey Faerie

2.

2.1. She's based off of the Grey Faerie from Neopets. I also have some scars from surgeries and physical disabilities so her scars of representative of my own. The bandages are to cover the scars seeing as ponies don't really wear clothes.

2.2. She's only a unicorn. The little feathers on her back are from a forced spell she used to make temporary wings. The stubs won't go away so some ponies mistake her as an alicorn.

3. Grey Faerie used to live with her husband in a faraway desert, but when a war began they uncovered an ancient artifact that activated. The activation left Grey immortal and worn from years in other dimensions. Doomed to bear the scars for the rest of time. However, that isn't to say she's lonely. She made friends with a young Pinkie Pie and Discord himself. She now lives as a confectioner in a town near Ponyville and makes sure to take time to spend with Pinkie. (rewritten by JinxedPuffie)

4. She's very sarcastic and down to earth. She's often the voice of reason when everything's dramatic. In fact, she hates drama. After everything she went through, she just wants to be normal and pretend nothing really happened. Especially since to everyone else, she's only been gone a few years, when really she's been gone for thousands of years. This is why she still has living family even when so old. She does still have some of her fun side left over. She loves humors and making jokes at people. Even after everything, she's still very kind. She does have a quick temper at times.

5. Her cutie mark has a duel nature. It's a rose covered in chocolate. Her special talent is advice giving. Her other talent is making chocolates. She has a chocolate shop she uses to talk to other ponies about their problems. Though, sometimes it's just to give them someone to talk to. Her chocolates have the special ability to bring out feelings in a pony. To make them feel happy or even to help them cry. This is because one of the spells she learned was the control of emotion. She never uses this unless in emergencies or to help her customers feel better. She has many other abilities she doesn't like to use or have others know about.

6. She's best friends with Pinkie Pie. It seems odd seeing as Pinkie's so happy Grey's considered the definition of sad and grey. They met when Pinkie was young. Grey was at one of the branch stores in the town near where Pinkie lived. Grey loves humor and making people feel better which is what linked them together. She also knew the Cakes when they made a deal to use her chocolates in their baking. Grey also knows Discord. One of the places she went to was his land of birth. They were neighbors and sorta 'childhood friends'. They don't call each other friend though, only 'associates'. It's a love-hate relationship.

7. I some times have her associate with my friend's OCs. She has a friend who runs a traveling theater show.

8. She lives in the next town over so she has the ability to hang out with Pinkie when ever she has time. Every Saturday she and Pinkie like going to the Cantering Stallion for a 'grown up' day. Mostly she looks for new recipes to make or comes up with some. She also likes to sews. When Discord was imprisoned, she would visit him so he wouldn't go crazy from loneliness. Now, she likes to go visit him to bother him. She also works as a 'deal maker' as in, she writes out contracts for businesses. She also travels around for reasons like, helping ponies or finding powerful objects to keep out of other's hands.

9. She's mainly a supporting character. I needed somepony to help the story along at certain points. I don't really get into who she is that much.

10. She's cranky at times cause she has pain. Her eyes are a little greyed out to represent how I need glasses. She knows many powerful and dark spells. Her ability with emotion can either make a pony depressed and near death or suck out the sorrow leaving them feeling happy. I added this because I based her off the grey faerie who's paint brush makes the pets sad looking. Her greatest faults is her low stamina and occasion pain.

I've tried hard to make her as little 'mary-sue' like as possible while adding in my own aspects. She's supposed to be me. Not just a random character I made for a story.

1. Francois Midnight

2. He is the pony on the left fighting with Shining Armor

2.1. Male

2.2. Unicorn

3. Unicorn son of Princess Luna, banished 200 years previous for an attempted coup. Is allowed to come back after Luna's return.

4. Brash, unthinking, selfish. More inclined to do rather than think about the consequences of his actions. Persuasive, but quick to anger if the other pony does not conform to his way of thinking

5. Created a spell to stealthily eliminate enemies: Airtight, soundproof bubble that suffocates enemies.

6. Son to Luna, nephew to Celestia, cousin to Blueblood and Cadence.
Tries to convince the mane 6 that he is harmless and regrets his actions. Twilight and RD don't believe him. Ends up murdering Twilight in her sleep and framing Rarity, gets into a confrontation with RD the next day and ends up killing her in self-defense.

7. Has a Pegasus girlfriend named Cloudflower, a young history student from New Horseleans that doesn't know about his dark past.
Meets an investigator from the Royal Investigative Service named Bentgrass, sent to Ponyville to look into Twilight's murder. He attempts to kill Bentgrass by throwing him out of his airborne carriage, he survives and tells Celestia, forcing Francois's escape from Canterlot.

8. Does not have any friends to speak of, spends most of his time plotting his next move or attempting to escape the consequences of his actions.

9. Main Character

10. I know he's not the most original, and he has the makings of a Gary Stu. But to avoid spoilers for my story, I did leave out a substantial plot point.

1622536
Alrighty then! Let's get started.
First off, I'd like to make it clear that I am in absolutely no way a professional and that these are just my opinions. Seriously bud, if you don't like them, feel free to get a sharpie and cross them out, I won't feel bad,

I like the name, very original, and extra points for keeping to the cutie.

Your overall appearance is good, but you might wanna remove a bracelet or move them closer together. Again, that's just a personal preference, so I wouldn't worry about it.

Your background is really good. I like how you didn't try to shoehorn a tragic back story in, it's a surprisingly common mistake (and an unsurprisingly annoying one at that.)

My only major concern is the whole Scratch & 'Tavi fangirls thing. I'm going to assume that's mainly just a comic relief thing, but it brings up a few questions for me.
- Exactly what level fangirl are they? Walls covered in posters? Extreme fan stalking and multiple accounts on the local fan sites? Or are they so obsessed as to have gone rabid?
- Are they famous in their respective careers? You would expect someone whose had a taste of the famous life to understand how hard it can be to deal with fans.
- How did they find out about him? Is he a major celebrity, or the kind that you need to be told who they are and are mostly just seen at the gala? If he's a lesser known celebrity, why are they following him? (Eventually ties to question one.)
Sorry if these were already answered in your story, I'm more of a casual reviewer, and probably won't end up reading it for another couple months. (Welcome to the 260th spot on my read later list!)

My final nitpick would be his relationship with AJ.
- How did they meet? How far did he get before she broke it off? (Met the family? Held hooves?) Depending on the answer to this, the validity of my next question may not be valid. Basically, was it real love or puppy love? Would he date her again if he could, or does he look back and wonder how they ever got along?
- Did something major happen to finally bring all that tension together or did it just spontaneously happen? Applejack's usually the most understanding and mature of the mane six, so it tugs at me a little for her to break up with someone because their life was too public. Again, I'm sure you've got something in your story, but I'm doing this completely blind.

In conclusion, you've got a pretty solid OC! He's got a realistic background and nice design. I'd focus more on the interactions with other ponies at the moment, but that's mainly just personal preference and nitpicks. Good luck! and remember, it's all in the execution.

2440364
Alright, I'd like to begin by pointing out that this is not only my own unprofessional opinion, but a blind one at that. Whatever story it was you mentioned will (sadly) probably never leave the bottomless pit that is my read later list.

Let's start with the name.
While the name Grey Faerie is fine, it doesn't have very much to do with her cutiemark or personality. When naming a pony you need to consider two things.
- All rules of naming pretty much go out the window when you enter the land of colorful talking ponies. The parents apparently ARE psychic, and DO know their baby's personality, apperence, likes, and dislikes before the foals birth.
- If you look at most pony names you'll find that they're one of four things, either
a) A pun, no explanation needed.
b) Related to their special talent. So, it you have a baker pony, you'd use words like cake, doughnut, batter, etc.
c) Based off their apperence. Pinkie Pie, Golden Harvest, etc.
or finally,
d) Fluffy girly nonsense usually involving the words sparkle, sugar, sweet, shimmer, love, heart, shine, and twinkle.
Grey Faerie doesn't really fit in much with those, except for the grey part. This is just nitpicking though, if you like the name, it's certainly better than most that I see.

Appearance
This is probably where you're gonna get the most flak. While she's not a glittery neon green nekocorn, she'd definitely stand out when going for an evening stroll. In order to improve that a little you might want to-
1) No offence, but she could use a manecut. I understand that she's supposed to look sad, but pulling her hair up (like in the second picture) or giving it a trim will help get rid of the emo look.
2) Lessen the bandages. Before you get angry with me take another look at that last sentence. I said lessen, not remove entirely. I can understand her being wounded, but as far as I can tell, she looks about 40% covered in bandages. A better way to show she's hurt without getting gory is to use little pink scars. The body is a magnificent thing, and can heal hundreds of wounds, especially with magical help. Just don't overdo it.
3) Rather than greyscale her eyes, give her glasses or contacts. Bags are one thing, glaucoma is another. Luckily for you, I've dealt with both. Is she tired or does she have legitimate vision problems? There is no 'represent' in OC building. She IS you. If you're tired then she has bags. If you need glasses or contacts she probably does too.
4) Sorry to say this, but you need to remove the wings. They serve no purpose, and are not that noticeable. The book's curse is more likely to have been immortality than chicken wings. Chekov's Gun, if it's mentioned it has to have a purpose.

Next we're gonna move to the background.
Her background is okay, but could use a bit of a trim. This is starting to get long so I'll just cut to the chase and show you how I would put it.

Grey Faerie used to live with her husband in a faraway desert, but when a war began they were forced to uncover an ancient artifact and activate it. The activation left Grey immortal. Doomed to bear the scars from the war for the rest of time. However, that isn't to say she's lonely. She made friends with a young Pinkie Pie and eventually Discord himself. She now lives as a confectioner in a town near ponyville and makes sure to take time to spend with Pinkie.

Notes
- I had to cut out the part about her knowing Discord, sorry, but it doesn't really make much sense to me. I'm going to assume the war was after he'd been turned to stone the first time and that eventually he'd met her through Pinkie.
- I also had to change the childhood friends part around. You make it seem as though she's been immortal for centuries at this point, but you mention her and Pinkie being childhood friends. I thought this way had more potential.

Special Abilities and Cutie Mark.
Your cutie mark is fine, just make sure it doesn't blend too much with her coat when you're drawing her. Try using a brighter brown for the chocolate.
I really don't get the whole soul-wolf-monster-thing. It's a cool idea, but not really pony. You mentioned neopets, I'd try something like that over there, since it's power coupled with her already great magical powers make her pretty OP.
As for the whole relationship magic thing, I say you don't need it. Her special talent already IS emotions, magical training just seems a little overkill.

All in all, you could use some trimming, but a great concept. Remember, I'm here to help not hinder, and if you feel like I have no idea what I'm talking about and have ruined your character then feel free to completely ignore this post. Good luck! and remember, just be natural, your OC is a person to, get in her head and you'll be fine.

2301880
Alright. I'm not gonna give you such an elaborate review, simply because I'm tired and wanna go to bed you don't need it.
You've got a solid pony with a good design and nice background. Your relationships are fine and you've managed to make your pony powerful without going totally OP.
If I have one nitpick it's that your names aren't pony enough. An Eddy is fine, but how about Buggy? Really though, I wouldn't worry. Good Luck! And remember, if it ain't broke, don't fix it!

2276076
First off, I'd like to say you're welcome, and thank you for thanking me!
I'm going to guess you're set in a sort of modernized steampunk setting, possibly featuring war, yes? (AKA, this had better not be Clockwork's Adventures in Fairy Princess Pony Land because you've got too good an idea to waste it on happiness and normalcy.)

My only resl nitpick is the name, Clockwork is pretty common, especially when paired with gears. If you like it though you can keep it, I'm just here to make suggestions.

Good Luck! And remember, he's not just an OC, he's a real boy!

2276076
First off, I'd like to say you're welcome, and thank you for thanking me!
I'm going to guess you're set in a sort of modernized steampunk setting, possibly featuring war, yes? (AKA, this had better not be Clockwork's Adventures in Fairy Princess Pony Land because you've got too good an idea to waste it on happiness and normalcy.)

My only resl nitpick is the name, Clockwork is pretty common, especially when paired with gears. If you like it though you can keep it, I'm just here to make suggestions.

Good Luck! And remember, he's not just an OC, he's a real boy!

2460034
I dunno.

2460537
Okay then, that's good to know. I'm glad to have been a help. Merry Hearth's Warming!

2459325
First off, I really liked your review. To be honest, I've had a bit of a hard time to really bring her in and tack down just who she is.

When it comes to appearance, I've been thinking of just giving her glasses and removing some of the bandages. I don't draw so I had to commission her. Some of the look comes from the artist's interpretation. I am planning to have the mouth and chest bandages removed and the flank bandages slimmed down. I'm keeping the wings though. It's a key point in the story but also they are covered up most of the time.

I do like how you rewrote the background. It helps to have someone else show what they got from my rambled description haha.

Her name reflects her personality and looks. Like how Pinkie Pie is pink and sweet.

I do think I'm going to slim down some of her abilities. I need to re-tailor the way I describe her spells. Like just say she knows a few powerful spells. The only thing I'm definitely going to keep is her control on emotion simply because it's another key point about her story. But, it's also going to be described in a different way. It would be my nightmare to make her OP. Too many bad experiences with 'god-level' oc's.

The last thing I've got to rewrite is the explanation of her age/immortality. The whole thing is more like she opened the book, disappeared, and suddenly reappeared a five minutes later. But, to her, she's been gone for centuries in other lands and dimensions. Her life started before the whole 'thousand years ago' plot line. So, she ended up lived through all the events of MLP and came to know Pinkie when Pinkie was a filly. I wanted something more unique than the standard 'she's immortal' or 'super special in some way'. I wanted her to already be old and worn before everything happened.

I'd appreciate any added comments about her. Thanks!

2481872
Naw, I'm still lovin' old Buggy! (Sorry, the name's sorta grown on me )
The powers are cool and remind me of this one time I tried to make superpowers for all of the background ponies....
It was weird.
Anyways, It's a cool development, and again you balance his powers out in way that prevents him from shooting people to the moon every ten seconds.
Tell Buggy I said 'hi'!

2470820
Alright! That helps clear a few things up, thanks!
Sorry if it came off a little harsh, I wrote pretty much three pages of reviews at two in the morning, so I was a bit tired to say the least.
I can understand now what you did with the backstory. In a way, it reminds me of The Sweetie Belle Chronicles: Fragments. In that story, Sweetie Belle has been through years worth of jumping across alternate universes, even getting her cutie mark, but is always placed back in a younger Sweetie's body.
The idea you're going for is cool, I like the thought of her coming to befriend Pinkie after going through so much. I imagine it'd be really nice to finally meet one person who's purely good simply because she is, especially after so many years.
(Off topic, but Pinkie is kinda like a hyper Mr. Rogers )
I can understand the whole artists thing. Back when I was new to the interwebs, and had yet to join the herd, I entered one of my OC's into a story made purely so the original characters would interact with the main ones. While I was overjoyed at first, I eventually noticed little ticks and quirks in her that the author had added herself. Nothing bad, just a bit different from how I'd imagined her. No one quite gets your OC like you do, but it's always nice to show them!
Anyways, sorry I rambled it's midnight again and I should probably go to bed, but whatevs, ponies are more fun!
I was glad to hear back from you, and can't wait to see Grey in action!

2493268
I'll have to stop putting it off and read that story now haha. Yeah! Midnight. Always the best time to work on stuff.

2493282
Agreed, though I need to drink less caffine, it makes me feel... Jittery.

Ha, it does that to me too. It's only 11:30 here. I go on in my blogs about how late my creativity comes. Why creativity! Why don't you like the day time!?
I also partially rewrote my character's bio. I should probably add a pic of my current avatar. It's a younger Grey.

1 Briglia D' Oleandro

2
2.1 The cutie mark is a map trepassed by a sword.

3 Briglia is an explorer hired by the Queen of Iberia for find a new way for reach the Idies, after the fall of the solarite Bizzarrite Empire by the hooves of the Ottozoccoli, and thus, the access to Ippogratia denied.
In his quest for Idies, however, Briglia stumbles upon an Equestria that is still divided in primitive tribes. SInce the tribes appeared to be very weak, Briglia tries to subjugate some of them for create a base, go back to Diomedea, and come back with more soldiers, so to completely conquer the tribes. Little he knows, the tribes are not so divided after all...

4 He is pious in the roman sense of the term, he is loyal to the nation, and cares for his men. For the native populations and their culture... not so much

5 His greatest ability is orientation. He is capable of go into a uncharted forest, and come back two hours later with treasures and a map of said forest. He is also skilled in tactic.

6 N/D, this character lives centures before any character of the show.

7 He feels that his biographer Penna Da Prato is a bit too soft on natives. Also, he is very loyal to the Queen Alberta IV.

8 Either spending his salary and his "secret treasures" in the inns thanks to booze and the game of dices, paying mercenary love, or playing lute.

9 He is a main character for few chapters, where it's detailed his story and its relation with Equestria as it is now.

10 Sucker for Classical Art in general.

1. His full name is Poetic Justice. People usually call him "Po"

2. Picture: http://i.imgur.com/KaHRRzm.jpg

3. Fairly simple backstory. He grew up in Baltimare with his sister and parents. He became a semi-successful writer, but he's a long way off being rich or famous. He went to university in Manehattan, then decided to live there and focus on writing. Currently, he's at home for a month or so visiting his family. He's always had a few fights with his sister, but they get along most of the time, and he loves his parents.

4. He is fairly arrogant, and he hides his insecurities. He's a hopeless romantic deep down, though he doesn't want anyone to know that because he wants to seem suave. He's terrified of spiders, but he likes most animals. He loves dogs, but is wary around cats due to being scratched by one as a foal. He usually doesn't like showing emotions, because he wants to seem really smooth and self confident. He's an extrovert, and so he loves meeting new people, and is usually very confident around new people.

5. Special talent is writing. This mostly relates to stories, and the occasional poem, but this also extends to computer code on the very rare occasion that he gets to use it.

6. He lives in Baltimare, so he hasn't met any of the canon characters personally. He has, of course, heard about the escapades of the mane 6, and has been to a couple of DJ-PON3 shows.

7. He has a sister, Malia (http://i.imgur.com/1pXY4by.jpg), who is another OC of mine. The fic I'm writing at the moment is a shipfic about him and a friend's OC, Marina (http://i.imgur.com/DB8xGeQ.jpg).

8. He loves spending time with his friends, whether it's discussing philosophy, flying, discussing books, playing games, or going to parties. When he's alone, he enjoys reading and writing. He also enjoys going for walks in the forest, both alone and with friends, to clear his head, and he loves flying really fast.

9. He is the main character of the story.

Here's what I have:
1. "Fuego Azul" (Azure Flame) Kogemori

2. Kogemori is a cerulean stallion with a spiky dark red mane and black hooves. His tail is a two-toned dark red and silver while having golden eyes and two small fang-like marks on his right cheek.

2.1. Male.

2.2. Species: Unicorn (Formerly Kitsune)

3. Backstory:He was born nine thousand years before the founding of Equestria, back when the world was inhabited by humans. Kogemori, or Azul to everypony, was a cruel swordsman in his past life. Nine hundred ninety nine men lost their swords, but died at the hand of his last opponent. When he was reincarnated into a unicorn, he spent most of his foalhood in books. A strange tome in the Canterlot Library enabled him to regain some of his past life's memories and so seeks to relearn most of his abilities.

4. Personality: Kogemori is a patient stallion with an immense thirst for knowledge, as he is illiterate. He also has a large appetite to match, but does not remember why. In addition, he is also the type of pony who does not anger easily. However, he can also cause trouble without meaning to and does not like cats. Finally, he shifts into a cruel berserker under certain conditions.

5. Cutie Mark/Special Abilities: His cutie mark is a thick, red scroll over a crescent moon, meaning that his special talent has to do with illusions, an advanced skill for both unicorns and kitsune. Or knowledge. However, he has some degree of flame manipulation, first demonstrated when he saved Applebloom from a pack of timberwolves. With that, his destiny would be either in the culinary arts, blacksmithing or teaching.

6. Canon Relationships: Being one of the few stallions in Ponyville, he eventually befriends Spike and Big Macintosh... mostly Spike as the latter doesn't talk much. Both him and Pinkie are big eaters, so it would make sense that she's a baker and him an aspiring cook or blacksmith.

7. Social Life?: When not doing special things, he can be found at Golden Oaks Library reading books, finding recipes or tree-hopping in the Everfree Forest in his spare time. Alternately, he works at Sweet Apple Acres as a hired hoof.

8. Status: Currently the main character... in an alternate universe.

9. Misc: In his past life as a swordsfox, he was 400 years old. As a unicorn, he's 25. Being reincarnated has taken away most of his power.

2565017
Hey there, I'm Jinx and I'll be your reviewer today! Now that that's out of the way, let's jump right in, shall we?

First off, I'd like to say that his name is actually really good. Too often, do people have trouble giving their OC a reasonable name. Also, Po is extremely adorable.

As for his personality, he reminds me of myself! Loves to hang out with friends and fun to be around, but not always willing to let other ponies in. I also love that you included the arrogance part. Anyone who is confident is at least a little arrogant. It's not getting it go to your head that makes you a good person, and it seems like Po values his friends too much to let it.

If I had any nitpicks it'd probably be the computer code thing, but mostly because it's not explained. I'm just going to assume he took a class in high school or something.

You're OC is really well done! He feels like a real person without being boring, and sounds like a fun guy to be around. 10/10!

1. Clear Sky

2. Male Unicorn with azure coat and a midnight blue mane/tail. Mane is about the length of his neck, but messy. and a red rose eyes

3. he lives with his mother in Canterlot, (The not-so rich/noble part), where his father was is unknown to him, went through the basic magic kindergarten which scarred him.

4. Eh, he's a normal pony, though a little bit curious, smart, imaginative and a little bit reckless, he's usually quiet. this changes after conversing with discord, making him much more reckless, ambitious and flippant

5. His cutie mark is a magical red orb, talent is magic. Though his magic are much focused on his imagination and theorycrafting rather than with knowledge.

6. Personal student of Princess Luna, as she saw him while he was training his magic in a random field. Normal relationship with Princess Celestia (Nothing Special), and somehow a talking buddy with Discord, since he lived in the castle as the Princess Luna's protege. When with Luna, usually it's a normal practice day, with Celestia (which is rare) he only... talk?

He talked a lot with Discord, Discord gave him Ideas while Sky will talk to him

Later on, The mane six will become cautious/hate to him, exluding Pinkie

7. none so far

8. He experiment magic and making new spells, thinking of a new Ideas, listening to music, (He apparently likes DJ-PON3 and Octavia's song)

9. Main Character

10. His affinity is almost chaos, he also has an abundant spell the he created (mostly dangerous), Likes foals cuz who's not?

3176894
Good evening, my name is Jinx and I'm here to review your OC! Let's not waste any time then, shall we? On to the review!

First things first, lets talk about his name.
While Clear Sky is an excellent name for a Pegasus, it's not especially suited for a unicorn, especially one with a personality like Sky's.

REMEMBER: Equestrian Parents are somehow psychic, and will near certainly name their kid something that has to do with either their special talent, their appearance, or some sparkly girly nonsense.

Speaking of personality, let's take a moment to discuss Sky's.

From what you've told me, Sky doesn't seem like that nice of a guy which, let's face it, is pretty darn important when they're the main character in your story. In fact, he seems like a pretty big jerk if he can get THE ENTIRE MANE SIX (Except, for some reason Pinkie) to hate him.
Not dislike, not even view him as a rival, nor as annoying, complete and utter HATE.
Now, I'm going to assume that there must be SOME background for this, but from what you've shown here it seems like they're posing as the stereotypical "Mean Girls", and Sky as the "Spunky Teenage Hero". Trust me, that's DEFINITELY not a good way to set up your story.

If your character needs an antagonist just to prove he's not a jerk, then he's not much of a protagonist himself.

I can understand if they had some falling out, or if Sky has a harsh personality, but if you're going to make the Mane Six hate him, at least give us SOME reason to like him.
My personal suggestion would be to expand on his soft spot for foals. Perhaps he's a naturally blunt person who doesn't tend to consider others before speaking, or maybe he's distrusting of fellow ponies because of an event from the past, but has a soft spot for his little brother/sister/nephew/cousin/etc. We need some sort of ground to stand on here because, unless your main character is the antagonist, you want your readers to like him, and that won't happen unless there is some way for us to relate to him.

Also on the topic of foals, lets move on to his backstory.

You say that he was "scarred" by basic magical kindergarten. Now, if you will recall from my last section, you mentioned that Sky has a soft spot for foals. According to his backstory, foals should be the last thing he wants to be around. There's no way to skip around this, so I'm afraid I'm just going to have to say it...

NEVER tack on an unnecessary tragic backstory. Odds are, it will end up being completely irrelevant and only serve to annoy your readers.

I'm sorry to put it so bluntly, but there really is no nice way to say it. Being scarred as a child is completely unnecessary, and doesn't seem to connect with any other information you have provided me. All in all, it only seems to be a feeble attempt at rationalizing his rude behavior.

Feeling sorry for a character is not the same as resonating with a character. Your readers won't like your hero because they feel bad for him, they'll like him because they can relate to him.

Next up is his relationship with Discord.
This is really cool concept, and I feel like it could turn out to be very interesting if done right. It might also serve as part of the conflict, if you are to have Sky realize his change in attitude and that maybe hanging around the God of Chaos isn't a very good idea. In fact this could even be the motivation for all the negativity from the Mane Six! I beg of you, should you take only one thing away from this lecture, to continue to play with this concept. It may even be your ticket FimFiction Fame!

Now, for our final critique, character design and originality.
I'm not going to lie, the fact that Sky is a fan of DJ-PON3 is really ironic, considering her looks pretty much exactly like her.

You have so many options to go with, don't be afraid to find your own color pattern and create a completely original pony all your own!

Also ironic is his feud with Twilight Sparkle, considering they have the same cutie mark.

A cutie mark is what makes a pony special, not just something they like, or something their good at. Much like names, they tend to be either occupation-related, name-related, or just something simple that doesn't clash with their coat.

How about something that has to do more with imagination, or creation? You mention he created an abundance spell, perhaps he could have a cutie mark relating to that? Not to mention the fact that a red orb is pretty boring. Remember, every cutie mark has a story behind it. It's what makes a foal realize their purpose in life, nosy just a tattoo on their rump.

All in all, I personally think Clear Sky has a ways to go before he's perfect, but I wouldn't consider scrapping him completely. With some expansion on his personality, and a few tweaks to his design, you'll have a good OC in no time! 4/10
~ Jinx

3208852

Thanks for yer time,

gonna change him a little bit

1. will change the name (not really smart on giving names)

2. he's not going to be a jerk, just rather unmotivated but, will be motivated if the situations need it to be (except if it is with his teacher, he'll always be motivated), he's that guy who will do nothing unless it's important or it's something related to whom he likes.

3. his backstory wouldn't be anything special (just a boring kid who only has a great affinity and imagination with magic) like the past of the protagonist from SR (which is untold, but he/she said it was a boring apst) and lalalala then he met Luna and BAM, next thing he knew; he became her apprentice. His backstory going to focus more on his time practicing with Luna or conversing with Discord.

4. Gonna scratch the rivalry with Twilight, he just hates book

5. Will it work is his cutie mark is something like infinite number? or maybe a box?

6. Luna ain't that great of a teacher, have a rather forceful way of 'teaching' her student (considering she never had any kind of student and her ways maybe a little bit old)

1. Renato "René" Duciel (It's a corruption of "du ciel", which, if I recall correctly, means "of heaven", though if I'm wrong, someone please correct me.)

2.
2.1. Male, age 16-18

3. Oh boy... where to begin... So, in the AU this fic is set in, Celestia is killed by the leader of a democratic rebellion, and right before her death, she casts a spell on herself and foretells a prophecy that she will be revived by a scion of her power in 1000 years. Renato is the result of that spell, and as such, part of his soul is that of Celestia, and the other half an entirely new creation. Right after his birth, he is taken along with his adoptive mother to an underground resistance group seeking revenge on the government responsible for Celestia's death (And everything that came with it.). and the story after that is his journey towards realizing the prophecy.

4. Renato (Or René for short.) Is a very optimistic and kind-hearted individual. He is always ready to help the people around him, and he is very eager to meet new ponies. He is a little naive and at times extremely troublemaking with his impulsiveness, but he is always well meaning. Unlike the rest of the resistance group he is hesitant to violence unless he feels extremely threatened, mostly because he fears he might lose control of his abilities and kill somepony or himself. He is protective of his friends, but hates when others think of him only as the scion instead of a pony.

5. Since he harbours a fragment Celestia's soul within his own, Renato has many of the abilities that she herself had, such as access to powerful magic and increased physical strength, as well as all the perks that come with being an Alicorn in general. However, due to his young age and lack of control over his powers, Renato will rarely do anything with them outside of combat, and even then he must limit himself as to not damage his body or injure those around him. As his mark and heritage suggests, he has control over the sun, although it's not much more than intensifying the suns rays or slightly influencing it's path, which he uses to help grow plants and trees along with other resistance members in their downtime. Finally, he also has some knowledge of alchemy, and will assist his mother, a medical alchemist, in potion making.

6. Though Renato has no direct contact with Celestia, he will otfen wonder what kind of pony she was, and will sometimes read books on her to learn more about his past.

7. In a world run by an anti-theist government and opposed by religious extremists, Renato quickly becomes a major focus for both sides. The government wants his destruction so that Celestia won't be revived, and the resistance wants to bring her backing using the scion. In both cases, it's evident he's not seen as much more than a tool, which upsets him greatly. The only pony who really regards him as his own self is his mother, who often give him support and moral advice along with stern discipline if needed.

8. He mostly spends his time tending to plants outside the resistance base or studying his alchemy along with some reading.

9. Main character.

10. All the colours used in his character design (Sans the brown in his hair) are the same exact (Or at least as exact as possible) colours used in Celestia's character design, and her mark is deliberately used as a plot device to identify him as the scion from the prophecy (Though I'm thinking of making the middle of the sun hollow to symbolize his incompleteness.)

3266025
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Serious?

841752
Hi, my name is Gaylord Mcfagass, but many here on this site simply call me 'faglord' for short.

My OC's name is Weatherstorm. Because that's a sweet ass name and you know it. Here's a pic:

Description : He's blue, like that Eiffel 65 song, and his mane is black, like my aching heart. Except the blue bits on his mane and tail. They're blue too. He wears non-prescription glasses ironically because he's a massive Whipster.

Gender : He's a guy, and I can say that because we're not on Tumblr and nobody is going to call me a cis-male trans-phobic white male christian scum and tell me to check my privilege.

Race : Pegasus, but I prefer Megacorn, if such a thing existed.

Backstory : He is the king of all equine-kind. Not really.

Personality : He's a posh twat and he thinks he's hot shit because he works as a journalist. He also speaks like an idiot. A well educated idiot. And he's selfish and slightly crazed. But who isn't?

Special abilities : He speaks funny and writes crap.

Relationships with canon characters : I don't think the canon characters know him and even if they did they'd probably hate him. He likes to pretend Rarity loves him when he's eating a microwave meal for one.

Relationships with other characters : He hangs out with his stupid idiot buddies. Read about them doing stupid shit in this very lengthy story.

Social life : N/A

Placed in a story : See above.

Ps don't steal or I'll sue your asses.

- TWC

1. (Full) name
Daffodile Spark

2. A picture of them (pony creator works fine) or a very descriptive representation of them.
The pony on my avatar, her cutiemark is a seed with a sprout coming out of it.

2.1. Gender, assuming the picture, if you used it, didn't make it obvious.
female

2.2. Race (earth pony, pegasus, unicorn, or... IT...), if you didn't use the picture.
Earth pony

3. Backstory. Please be descriptive without dragging on. Under 500 words works best.
She grew up in a surbus to one of the bigger city's in Equestria with her mother, father and little brother. She always put a lot of effort in to school and dreamed of becoming a teacher.
. When she was 14, she got the oppertunity to work at a school during work experience week and got to try her hooves at teaching. That's when she got her cutiemark in teaching. once she finished school she got a job as a teacher in the surbus where she live.

4. Personality. Again, be descriptive without dragging on.
She has ADHD (she isn't hyperactive, though, it's mainly problems to concentrat without medecines). She talk's very much and fast. she easily get angry and don't hesitate to say to people when she is feeling uncoftable. she is shy around people she don't know.

5. Special abilities, especially what they do for a living from their cutie mark. Are they A GOD OF LIGHTNING, or are they a simple baker? please say the latter
she is a teacher, which have been her dream since elementry school. her special talent is teaching.

6. Relations with canon characters. Please explain if they are very close to a canon character and what they do when they're "alone"...
she doesn't have any relation to any canon character.

7. Relations with other OC's, if there are any. You don't need to explain much about the other OC's, assuming they're not extremely complex.
Minth Letter: Been her BFF for as long as anypony can remebre, but sometimes she's getting on her nervs.
Misty Moon: Best friend since foalhood, they where acting together for a long time, which also is how they meat.
Heart Dot: Also meat when they where foals and acted together for a while.
Hypie Tech: Friend of Minth Letter that became her friend. He is pretty wacky, and have thratened to murder her several times, thus being his way of showing that they're friends.
Bright Sky: Friend of Misty Moon. They meat at a party and became instant friends thanks to shared intrests.

8. Social life. What do they do when they're not doing special things? How do they kill time? What do they often do with their friends?
Love reading and acting. Enjoy being with her friends, and have meet ups with them at the weekends (often sleep overs). She use social medias to contact Minth Letter allmost every day, and travel to see her as often as she can. ( she lives a couple of hours train ride away, because her parent's moved when she was 13).

9. How they will be placed in their story. (I.E. Main character, supporting character, a simple one-chapter gag, etc.)
Main Character, one of several main characters.

10. Any extra notes you want us to know.
She have very little confidence in her self for the most of the time, but practising her passion (teaching) allways give her a confidence bost.
If you wonder anythign about her, feel free to ask!

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So you're going to just throw it over your shoulder without actually giving it a chance only because it's an Alicorn? I'm not going to try and bash on your opinion here, but IMO you're really missing out, 'cause I've seen a lot of well written Alicorn OC's in fics. Either way, I didn't really want to make him an Alicorn, but due the aforementioned reasons in his profile, it was really the only thing that made sense, and I don't intend to give to much attention to it anyways.

3267242
Alright, while I do respect your opinion as much as I hope you respect mine, I'd like to just clarify a few things here:
1: He's basically an infant in terms of Alicorn lifespan, so it's not like he's going to just wipe the floor with everything in a single swoop.
2: Luna's dead too, plus, he's only meant to revive Celestia, not take her place, hence his limited powers.
3: Okay, I can see why you hate prophecy stories, so I can't really say anything about that, but IMO they're actually quite good as long it's more of a premonition that can be defied rather that an all-encompassing "This is exactly how things are going to be, no deviations." that is part of what gave the prophecy story a bad name, plus this story is slightly inspired by Tales of the Abyss, which has a similar theme concerning prophecies.
4: It's a fragment of her soul, not the whole thing, and no, he does not have all her powers, just some of the more prominent ones like (Minor) sun control and some of her weaker Alicorn spells.

Anyways, I'm just going to stop here since I've said everything I needed to say and I'd rather not have this thread turn into a flame war over Alicorns.

3268242 What the fuck did I just read.

1. Comet Blaze

2. She has a bright orange coat, messy, bright red mane with yellow streaks, and bright yellow eyes. Her mane style is similar to Scoots'. Her cutie mark is a flaring comet.

2.1. Girl.

2.2. Pegasus

3. Her mother gave her up for adoption at birth, and she spent four years in the Canterlot Orphanage for Fillies. A few months after she turned four, she was adopted by Princess Celestia. Naturally, she was utterly thrilled. She earned her cutie mark when she was ten and broke the sound barrier. Four years later, her adopted cousin, Princess Cadence, became engaged to Shining Armor. On the day of the wedding, Cadence revealed herself to be Queen of the Changelings, and successfully took Equestria, killing the element barriers and the Princesses. Comet knew she didn't stand a chance against changelings and fled to Ponyville, where she met Dusk Star. Ten years passed, and Dusk and Comet lived in a small house. By then, most love had be consumed, and Ponyville had become an unhappy and colorless place. (That is all I have so far, but there is more... )

4. Comet is short tempered and not too friendly. She has a tenancy to hold grudges and can become somewhat vengeful, but if you befriend her, you will find she is the most loyal friend you could find. She is strong willed and rarely gives up. She tries her best never to lie, but, hey, nopony is perfect. She is quite emotional, but does her best to suppress and hide them.

5. Her cutiemark is a flaring comet. Her special talent is flying, and she has a job as a weatherpony.

6. Celestia, Luna, and Cadence were her adopted family. She liked spending time with RD, racing and such. She knew all the mane six and were friends with all of them, although they rarely saw each other.

7. She and Dusk Star are extremely close, and despite their differences, they are almost like sisters.

8. She doesn't have a lot of time to hang out. When she isn't working or sleeping, she spends time with Dusk. They never do anything too fancy, just talk and hang out in the house.

9. Main character.

10. I am aware that having an OC related to Celestia is frowned upon, but I've done my best to give her flaws and weaknesses.

1. Howls-With-Laughter

2. Not my photo: http://media.moddb.com/images/groups/1/2/1994/dark_wolf.jpg

2.1: Male.

2.2. Garou, a Old World of Darkness race. (Basically a warrior race of magical, intelligent werewolves fighting the anthropomorphic personification of Entropy. FYI? They’re losing.)

3. Backstory: Alright...summarize summarize...Okay, bullet-points. (please keep in mind this is a very sparse version of what I have for him, as brevity was pointed out to be a thing for these posts.)

Trained from a very early age to fight in the perpetual war his people have been in for the last 10,000 years (And losing).

At age thirteen his parents were brutally beaten, raped and skinned alive less than ten feet from his hiding place by his traitorous Uncle and the fifteen men he brought with him.

After that came the first time he transformed, gaining the shapeshifting powers of his blood, and was sent to the Amazon, a front line in the war between his people and their foes.

Down there he gained a mentor and semi-mother figure who helped him to control the immense Rage that was in his heart, and taught him more of their peoples history.

Unfortunately after a year and a half down there, he lost himself to a berserker frenzy and killed her and several other members of his group, and was cast out until he could learn control.

For the next year he wandered South and North America, until he stumbled upon a group of fellow outcasts, and joined with them. However, as history repeated itself, the group found themselves in battle with a fleshcrafting monster and his attempts at summoning a great beast from Hell. Howls disrupted the summoning, but both he and the fleshcrafter wound up in Tartarus.

Howls escaped, but was pursued by a inmate of that prison, inadvertently winding up in Ponyville after a long chase.

4. Personality: A classic ‘laugh to hide the fear’ archetype, Howls has made a profession out of playing stupid, both to protect himself and to get an edge over his foes. Underneath the mask he is violent, angry, insecure about both his own abilities and fearful of getting close to anyone on a personal level.
He only sleeps for a scant few hours each night, and has been suffering constant nightmares for the last three years, leaving his mental state quite fragile, propped up by hollow promises and ego.
Now he’s trapped in a world of peace and love and kindness and he has NO idea how to deal with it all. And what’s worse, is that he knows that fleshcrafter is also in the world of the ponies.

5. Compared to the others, he is nothing really special. At least in terms of raw power. His innate advantages are many, but focused. He regenerates from any wound save those made by silver, he is incredibly fast for short bursts of time, tough and strong, as well as skilled in hand to hand and sword fighting, and is a very creative person on the battlefield, even if his long term planning is sorely lacking.

6. Strained. Very, very strained. Especially with Twilight, Rarity and Celestia herself. He is...blunt, to put it nicely.

7. Currently the only other OC is the Fleshcrafter. Annnnd their relationship is ‘I want to murder the FU*K out of that guy.’

8.Training. He trains constantly, and as such, from both a life outside of school and lack of proper education, Howls is smart, but uneducated. He can’t do math to save his life, barely knows how physics work, and thinks Pi is a food.
Don’t...don’t ask him to work a computer either.

9.Co-main character, with Twilight Sparkle as the Primary main character.

10. This is technically a crossover between three universes, MLP x Old world of darkness x Exalted.
The Exalted bits will be mostly flavor to help ease the xover elements, and will be more pronounced as the story finishes up, but I have put a great deal of effort into the world building to make the integration as seamless as possible.

3275147 1/10
cons:
neon coloration

tragic backstory

owned by Celestia

friends with mane six

broke the sound barrier despite Rainbow Dash and Twilight (when she had the power of four alicorns) being the only ponies known to have done it.

she is a combination of Rainbow Dash and Applejack

Ponyville needs love to reflect light? What were you thinking when you wrote that?

Has friends even though changelings took all love(including platonic love).

Chrysalis killed Fluttershy even though she was the biggest source of love in all of Equestria

pros:
not an alicorn

3278976
She is not 'owned' by Celestia. Also, I don't see how her coloration and friends make her a bad OC. And why is it that RD is the only one in Equestria allowed to break the sound barrier? Is no one else allowed to be a great flyer?
As for the tragic backstory, that is what changed her personality and made her who she is for the majority of the story. She isn't just a combination of RD and AJ. Yes, she is loyal like Rainbow, and Honest and stubborn like Applejack, but she has lots of other traits and quirks that make her different.
Her friendship with Dusk was very strong for the first few years, but as time wore on, they ended up drifting slowly apart. And why is it bad that she is friends with the mane six? They aren't BFFs or anything, but they enjoy spending time together.
Finally, I never said Ponyville needed love to reflect light, but I suppose the way I said it, it sounded that way. When I said Ponyville was 'colorless', that wasn't meant to be taken completely literally. I meant that things had fallen to neglect and ponies simply didn't have time to tend to various chores. Colors were worn away, paint was faded and peeling, things wore out. I apologize if this doesn't make a lot of sense... I wasn't quite sure how to explain what I meant.
Most of this wasn't REMOTELY helpful, other than two points: Chrysalis killed Fluttershy, the largest source of love in Equestria. And that she has friends even though Equestria was drained of almost all love. I kinda needed to break apart the bearers in some way.
When I posted this, I was expecting to get reasonable, constructive criticism. I actually expected a lot of it, and I knew my character was flawed in many ways I hoped that I could improve her with this. But instead I got a jerk bashing on EVERY SINGLE PART OF MY OC.
I thought the purpose of this group was to help new writers improve and get better, not get their stuff bashed on even more. As if most writers haven't had enough of that.
I love getting criticism, no matter how harsh. As long as the critic is constructive, and doesn't basically tell me that everything about my story or character sucks. So you, my friend, are officially the worst critic I've ever met.

http://www.fimfiction.net/blog/320850/how-to-be-a-better-critic

Read that. You might benefit from it, if you so choose.

Autumn.

2. Orange Pegasus with a flowing red and yellow mane. Slender, with wings filled with cruel imitation metal feathers used as projectiles.
2.1. Female.
2.2. Pegasus.
3. Autumn is an enigma, and little is known about her history.
4. Autumn is cruel and vicious. She has no qualms with using other to achieve an end. She dislikes hoof to hoof fighting, preferring to slip a dagger between the enemies back in the dead of night than fighting straight on. She is a manipulator, and enjoys using weaknesses.
5. Cutie mark is a green tinged dagger. She works as advisor to commander hurricane.
6. Serves commander hurricane as an advisor. She dislikes Private Pansy, and has a long time grudge against Earth Ponies and Ponies in general.
7. Autumn is an ally with the Griffin Kingdom.
8. Autumn spends her free time attempting to undermine Commander Hurricane's leadership. She is an avid fan of poisons, and also is skilled with disguises.
9. Autumn is the main antagonist in a story about the tale of Hearth's Warming Eve I am working on.
10. I could have told more, but those are spoilers. Sorry.

3279928

I don't see how her coloration and friends make her a bad OC

Tell me which of these two ponies looks the most like something you would see in the show.
and the reason her friends make her a bad OC is the odds of her knowing any of the mane six other than pinkie pie are very low.

And why is it that RD is the only one in Equestria allowed to break the sound barrier?

Because she was the was the fastest flier in Equestria before she was capable of breaking the sound barrier therefore she is the only pony who can.

Is no one else allowed to be a great flyer?

I'm fine with other ponies being great fliers as long as they don't contradict canon

As for the tragic backstory, that is what changed her personality and made her who she is for the majority of the story

I'd be fine with that if it wasn't overused or everything about her wasn't cliche.

She isn't just a combination of RD and AJ. Yes, she is loyal like Rainbow, and Honest and stubborn like Applejack, but she has lots of other traits and quirks that make her different.

Give me one line from the description that proves that.

Her friendship with Dusk was very strong for the first few years, but as time wore on, they ended up drifting slowly apart

This contradicts the first post you made.

Most of this wasn't REMOTELY helpful

That's because trying to fix the character is like trying to turn a wet paper bag into armor, you are better off starting over with the character(but not the story). You can probably find some useful guides here.

3280186

Tell me which of these two ponies looks the most like something you would see in the show.

Well, lime green and hot pink is kind of the worlds worst neon color combo. Here is a pic I just drew:

(Didn't draw the base, btw.)

I'm fine with other ponies being great fliers as long as they don't contradict canon

Screw canon.

I'd be fine with that if it wasn't overused or everything about her wasn't cliche.

Did I ever say that she was perfect? No. I admitted that she needed a lot of work, and I'm trying to improve her.

Give me one line from the description that proves that.

My description wasn't perfect, either.

This contradicts the first post you made.

Yes, it does. My mistake.

That's because trying to fix the character is like trying to turn a wet paper bag into armor, you are better off starting over with the character(but not the story)

Um..... No. I've started this freaking character over several times already. She has improved IMMENSELY since my first attempt, where she was an alicorn and so was Dusk.

That link was pretty useful, so thanks for that. That might help me actually improve my Pony OC creating, which is my weakest point in writing.

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3280186

Now hug and make up

3268242
omg I rely lik his mane

843788 This is my first attempt on rating so I'll do my best. Nothing wrong with this OC that I can tell. Nice rounded character, definitely got flaws and strengths. If friends with those he would most likely be friends with if in the show, and is studious. Have a 7/10.

3282115 I recommend changing one of the mane colors if you find one that goes well with the rest because she looks too much like Sunset Shimmer. if you make cover art or have it made for you, you should make the colors a little more dull, and maybe change the mane style.