Welcome, to my second lecture, even though I do not happen to be a professor. Today's topic is; adjectives, describing things, and descriptive words in general. This is something that I have noticed many times to be done... incorrectly. Whilst there are no specific or definite rules to describing things, there are guidelines. I find that these need to be addressed.

There will be a few main themes to this lecture:

1. Painting a picture
2. Not too long
3. When and how
4. Don't make it too short
5. K.I.S.S. Method (Keep It Simple Stupid)
6. Back to basics; what are adjectives?

So, right on with number 1; Painting a picture.

What you want to do is exactly that, paint the scene so that the reader knows more or less the setting; more specifically the room, the colors, the shades, the shapes, etc. You want the reader to have little room to guess. This works with characters as well as settings.

A bad example would be something along the lines of;

The room Twilight had just entered was big and round, with simple furnishings and only a few other ponies. Some with long manes or tails, others with short. And colors of all sorts.

This would be a bad example because unless you have a pretty large imagination you wouldn't really be able to see the room Twilight was standing in. While there were some describing words, there weren't enough to really paint the picture.

A better example would be something like:

The room Twilight had just walked into was big and round, bigger than the whole library back in Ponyville. There were simple, yet elegant furnishings spaced out around the room; tables with golden designs and chairs the size of couches, also with golden designs. The few ponies in the room were all standing and talking, and varying in size, shape and color. A few of them, more females than males, had long manes and tails, while the rest kept their manes and tails short and sweet.

You could almost see this, can't you? But an even better example would be:

Twilight entered a large, round room that was bigger than her whole library back in Ponyville. The room had golden images painted across the ceiling, and gold tiled floors, giving it an allure of magic, and beauty, and especially royalty. The furnishings were simple, yet beautiful and elegant, ranging from tables with golden lining and designs, to chairs a royal blue or purple (also with golden linings or designs) the size of couches. There were only a few ponies in the room, but all of them were elegantly dressed. With monocles or waistcoats for the stallions, and dresses that Rarity would die for on the mares. Twilight noticed that most of the stallions had short manes or tails, and that all of the mares had long ones. One mare in particular, though, had a shorter mane and tail, and a somewhat less elegant dress; one that Rarity would have fainted at the sight of. Most of the stallions had a darker color pallet; browns, grays, blacks, and in one's case a dark green with a dark red mane. Most of the mares had lighter color pallets; whites, light blues, lights purples, and one who almost looked identical to Rarity, had her mane and tail been a few shades darker.

That one was best because it really gave you the details. I could have made it even better if I'd given you the style of the dresses, or the precise colors, at least.

But this brings us to out second area; Not too long.

That third example was altogether too long. Readers would get bored of it fast. They would probably skip it. You can look here for more information on paragraphs.

So here's a trick, instead of having one long paragraph, break it up into a couple of smaller ones.

For example:

The room Twilight entered a large, round room that was bigger than her whole library back in Ponyville. It had golden images painted across the ceiling, and gold tiled floors; giving it an allure of magic, beauty, and especially royalty.

As she walked on she noticed the simple, yet beautiful and elegant furnishings, ranging from tables with golden lining and designs, to chairs of royal blue or purple (also with golden linings or designs) the size of couches.

The few ponies in the room, Twilight noticed as she kept walking, were all elegantly dressed, with monocles or waistcoats for the stallions, and dresses that Rarity would die for on the mares. She also noticed that most of the stallions had short manes or tails, and that all of the mares had long ones. One mare in particular, though, had a shorter mane and tail, and a somewhat less elegant dress; one that Rarity would have fainted at the sight of. Most of the stallions had a darker color pallet; browns, grays, blacks, and in one's case a dark green with a dark red mane. Most of the mares, however, had lighter color pallets; whites, light blues, lights purples, and one who almost looked identical to Rarity, had her mane and tail been a few shades darker.

I could have added more to separate them, such as Twilight's specific thoughts on the subject.

Which brings me to the third subject of this lecture; when and how.

The most important part of this is to know the appropriate time to use adjectives, or to describe things. If you're in the heat of a major action or battle scene, you won't want to stop to describe something. If you're in the heat of battle and you say something along the lines of:

Twilight was breathing heavily. She tried again, forcing everything she had into this one spell, one she hadn't yet mastered, but knew she must if she was to defeat her opponent. Her eyes squinted, and her ears pressed against her head, and purple sparks flew from her horn, followed by a beam of purple/white light that would obliterate anything it touched.

That would be okay because all you're giving is appropriate information, while still keeping the battle or action scene moving. This is appropriate.

If you have a heavy speaking scene, describing things can be useful to take away from the boredom of having a scene with a ton of talking. To break it up or to add interest to it.

For example:

"Pinkie, you really out-did yourself this time." Twilight said.

"Well I couldn't just do any ordinary party! Not for my bestest friend's birthday!" Pinkie answered.

"Ah reckon not..." Applejack said, looking around at all the pink, purple, blue and yellow balloons and streamers.

So, it isn't the best, but you get the idea.

On to our fourth area; Don't make it too short.

You never want to make it too long, but there is nothing worse than having a descriptive paragraph of only a sentence or two.

The room was big and round, with only a few ponies and furnishings in it.

That was WAY too short. There was nothing interesting in it. And the picture was hardly there, it was as if an artist had just thrown blobs of paint on a sheet and told you to tell him exactly what he had painted. You can't.

This brings us right to the fifth area; K.I.S.S. method (Keep It Simple Stupid).

You want to keep it short and sweet, without it being too short (see above section for clarification).

The room was big, round, and elegant, with few ponies or ponies inside, though all of them were elegant and elaborate. Nothing in the room lacked the elegance and grace of royalty.

You see how that was simple, yet the words used painted the picture enough to see it in your mind's eye? That's what you often need.

Now, onto our last area; Back to basics, what are adjectives?

Adjectives are anything that describes another thing.

Colors are adjectives, yet if you only use colors it can get boring. Same with shapes, and sizes.

Adjectives in the English language often end in "ly". Words like simply, quickly, slowly, and the like can also be used as adjectives in their "root" form, simple, quick, slow, etc...

So there you have it. Some of it may have been basic, but from what I've seen there are a lot of people who would benefit from this, and who really need to know this.

907666 I haven't heard mention of the K.I.S.S. Method in... I can't remember how long. I was in need of a good reminder. Thank you for this wonderful lecture.

907712 No problem! lol I love the K.I.S.S. method. I ALWAYS reference it!!

A big thing to look out for when writing descriptive paragraphs is passive voice. "The room was this," "The pony was that," it kills the flow of the narrative and makes whatever scene you are writing, regardless of how many awesome descriptors are in it, sound more like a lab report than an actual story.

Excellent lecture, I'll give you that! However, I noticed that it was missing a key term: Sentence Variety.

You do NOT want to have your paragraphs consist of nothing but never-ending sentences. If that was what the story had then the reader would be exhausted from reading it and may never want to see another sentence ever again! To maintain the mood, switch it up a bit. Add some short sentences and that would keep the reader tied in. It's all about SYNTAX.

Not to mention using coherent DICTION. Make sure you're using descriptive words that MAKE SENSE. You can be abstract if you want but don't stray too far off to the point where the connotations don't match the subject they're describing.

Of course, then again, this is a BASIC lecture centered around adjectives. But don't forget to refer to the fundamental building blocks that make up a grand narrative through using those adjectives. But don't get me wrong, it IS an excellent lecture!

907795 Thanks. And I realized after that I had left out a lot of what you said, but as you said it was BASIC. I didn't really think I needed them... :p

907666
Supplemental: Improving your descriptions

Twilight entered a large, round room that was bigger than her whole library back in Ponyville. The room had golden images painted across the ceiling, and gold tiled floors, giving it an allure of magic, and beauty, and especially royalty. The furnishings were simple, yet beautiful and elegant, ranging from tables with golden lining and designs, to chairs a royal blue or purple (also with golden linings or designs) the size of couches. There were only a few ponies in the room, but all of them were elegantly dressed. With monocles or waistcoats for the stallions, and dresses that Rarity would die for on the mares. Twilight noticed that most of the stallions had short manes or tails, and that all of the mares had long ones. One mare in particular, though, had a shorter mane and tail, and a somewhat less elegant dress; one that Rarity would have fainted at the sight of. Most of the stallions had a darker color pallet; browns, grays, blacks, and in one's case a dark green with a dark red mane. Most of the mares had lighter color pallets; whites, light blues, lights purples, and one who almost looked identical to Rarity, had her mane and tail been a few shades darker.

No. Just... well, okay, it's an improvement over your previous two examples, but it could be so much better.

Why do I not like this paragraph (nor the multi-paragraph version)? Because apart from the descriptions, nothing happens. Which works well enough if your main objective is description, but large blocks of pure description that don't advance the narrative can bore your readers or even kick them out of the story[1].

So how can we improve this? Let's see here...

Twilight wandered into the ballroom. Like many rooms in the palace, it was bigger than her entire library in Ponyville. The golden images painted across the ceiling gave it a royal touch with an allure of magic, while the furnishings hinted at Celestia's taste for simple elegance -- even the enormous gold-trimmed chairs, twice the size of Rarity's fainting couch, that were the only things in the room the royal sisters could sit on comfortably.

With only a couple dozen ponies in the room, it was mostly empty, but every one of them was impeccably dressed in an outfit that would make Rarity swoon. The few stallions in attendance, darker colors every one of them, all wore their manes short and at least one of the trappings Twilight had come to associate with a haughty aloofness Fancy Pant's generous behavior notwithstanding. Monocles were much in evidence. The mares, meanwhile, were much paler shades, and almost universally wore their manes in the long style that stubbornly refused to go out of fashion.

Almost. On the far side of the room was a mare with her mane cut short in the military style. She wore a dress that, though fine, Rarity would be fidgeting to rush over and adjust until it was just as elegant as the others. She stood near the far wall in such a way that, with so few ponies in the room, you had to look again to realize that yes, she really was standing by herself. Twilight watched in what she could only describe as morbid fascination as first a red-maned stallion, and then a Rarity look-alike, came up to the short-maned mare, attempted to engage her in conversation, and were firmly rebuffed. What was a mare like that doing at an event like this?

So what have I done here?
- First, I changed the voice. Voice is mostly a matter of taste, but it's important. 907795 nearly touches on the matter of voice. Obviously, I prefer the voice I used (The School has a lecture on tone, which is a closely related concept.)
- I broke up the paragraphs differently than Rainbow99 did. Paragraph breaks are important, but so is the paragraphs being coherent and the breaks making sense. I talk about the furnishings of the room, then the ponies in the room, then one particular pony.
- I varied my word choice some more. Rainbow99 uses forms of "gold", "beauty", and "elegant" numerous times, and it wears down the power of the words a bit. A proper variety of words keeps your descriptions interesting. (I may have overused references to Rarity, though.)
- Of special note: I changed the major verb. "Entered" is a short, direct, fast-acting verb. It gets Twilight into the room, and doesn't do much after that. "Wandered" is a longer verb, and I at least can easily see Twilight wandering into and then around the room. It keeps the action going.

I think I managed to keep most of the details, too. I deliberately dropped the colors of most ponies in the room, because we don't really care -- all of us can fill in a small handful of ponies if we need, and we only really need a clear picture of those ponies doing something interesting (like standing awkwardly by themselves or trying to start a conversation with somepony who's really not interested).

Did I miss anything else?

[1] True story. This is why I never finished The Lord of the Rings, for example.

907712 907779 Am I out of line, guys? Or am I just in the wrong place?

910857 that is a good point, but if you read the whole lecture you understand that the point of that was to show how you can describe things better, I explained later on how just having so much describing can get boring.

910942 Yes, you did. But if I were presented with your four versions of that description section, and asked which to use in a story, I'd almost certainly encourage use of the second. (I'd probably also be taking an editing whack at it, but that's beside the point.) It leaves out some details that we really don't need, and part of the trick here is how to describe without getting boring.

That said, I'm not satisfied with shooting for good; I'm shooting for excellent. Which leads me to wondering if I'm in the best place, hence the question at the bottom.

910857 Good supplement, as far as I'm concerned.

910857
Supplemental Lectures are wonderful. hmm... might actually recommend that people do this.

911362 It offers a chance to add additional ideas or information someplace where they make sense. With a lot of reworking this one could be made to stand on its own, for example (I'd probably call it something like "active descriptions"), but I'd still probably end up referring back to this one first.

Plus, it lets people like me add helpful stuff without feeling like we're doing something wrong