Shepherd: "I mean Blueblood, there are worse ways to try and woo the one you love."

Blueblood: "Oh?"

Shepherd: "I mean it's not like you traveled to Sweet Apple Acres and tried to act like a hillbilly to get her favor."

Blueblood: *laughing uncomfortably* "Of course! Alabama! What kind of fool do you think I am?"

Princess Celestia enters, her face threatening to break into a grin.

Celestia: "Dear Nephew... Are you feeling all right?"

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Blueblood: "Shepherd."

Shepherd: "Blueblood! What's up, mah stallion?"

Blueblood: long, tired sigh "Please, don't."

Shepherd: "Wow. This is serious. What's up? Is it war?"

Blueblood: "No. I dare say it is far worse than a mere war."

Shepherd: "So, what is it?"

Blueblood: "..." sigh "I'm in love."

Shepherd: "... Ummm-"

Blueblood: "Not with you."

Shepherd: "Oh thank God."

Blueblood: "But rather, with the Lady Ponyville. And I need your help."

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Shepherd wakes up... And Rainbow Dash is in his bed, looking impatient.

Dash: "Well it's about freaking time!"

Shepherd: *groan* "Dash, it's..." *checks the clock* "... Way fucking too early to do anything..."

Dash: "We need to go do romantic junk!"

Shepherd: "Why?"

Dash: "Because that's what couples do, duh! But I don't want any pony to see us doing it!"

Shepherd is really wondering if it's worth it to ask, but...

Shepherd: "Why?"

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Among the other artifacts of humanity in the Everfree Dump was, of all things, the fully armed and operational turret of an Iowa-class battleship, all three 16 inch guns intact.

And Pinkie Pie got to it first.

Pony: "Oh thank Celestia you're here Miss Pie! The children are getting restless! They tried to eat Shepherd!"

Shepherd: "Back! Back!"

Pinkie: "Time for the big guns!"

Pinkie Pie pulls out a field radio.

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Shepherd: "Okay troops... Today your assignment is to guard the Incredibly Dangerous Weapons Vault! Let's work on things like we practiced."

The troops agree, and then take up their positions. And very soon, a little filly with red hair comes in. She smiles up at the guards.

Applebloom: "Hello! May I please go into the Incredibly Dangerous Weapons Vault, mister? Pretty please?"

Guard 1: "Well... I don't know. It is very dangerous."

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Shepherd does have to actually do his knightly duties, and so he does have to travel to Canterlot on occasion to talk to members of Canterlot's military forces. Including General Hardtack, head of the Royal Equestrian Army.

Hardtack: "Gotta say Shepherd, you do good work for a soft handed ape!"

Shepherd: "Thanks... I think."

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Yet another Earth is soon in the viewer of the TARDIS. Shepherd, the Doctor and Ditzy scrutinize it carefully.

Doctor: "Third time's the charm, I know it!"

Shepherd: "Well... That IS my house."

Doctor: "Good! We're getting closer."

Ditzy: "That's a nice house, Shepherd! But the windows seem kind of small! Oh! I guess that's because you don't fly out of yours! Sorry!"

Shepherd: "No, it's okay. And that is my car... But I don't recognize the other cars in the driveway."

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The Doctor's Muffin TARDIS comes to a landing in a grassy field near a lake. In the distance are mountains. And overhead the sun is blood red and the skies are dark and ashen. Shepherd steps out and coughs.

Shepherd: "Well... It looks like home... But during a forest fire or something."

Doctor: "Yes. The atmosphere is heavily polluted with smoke. But everything else seems fairly normal... Though the Hume levels seem slightly off."

Shepherd: "What would that mean?"

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Shepherd was peacefully sleeping in his bed, when he heard something. He slowly awoke, listening carefully. He heard magic being used, and felt his blankets being lifted away from his body. He stayed still. He heard the scribbling of a pen on notepaper... And he grimaces.

Shepherd: "... Twilight Sparkle."

Twilight: "EEP! Ah... Um... Yes Shepherd?"

Shepherd: "Please tell me this is a dream and you are not sneaking into my house to examine me in my sleep?"

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Pinkie: "Forgive me Shepherd, for I have sinned!"

Shepherd: *sigh* "Pinkie Pie, for the last time, I'm not a priest! I can't take confession! I'm not even Catholic!"

Pinkie: "Father Waddles said as a Human Guardian you're just as good as a priest!"

Shepherd: "Father Waddles and I are going to have to have words."

Pinkie: "Pleeeeeasse? Please please please please please please please please-?!"

Shepherd: "All right, all right! What did you do?"

Pinkie: "Ahem?"

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Shepherd was reading a book out in his backyard, when Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and Scootaloo poked their heads up over the fence.

Applebloom: "Howdy Shepherd!"

Shepherd: "Oh! Hey girls! Come on in!"

He really didn't get the hesitation or even fear ponies had for these three little tykes. They were cute and chaotic, but hey, that's what kids were! He let them in, and treated them to some lemonade. They happily slurped it down as they sat around him.

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Applebloom: "So Shepherd, what's your cutie mark?"

Shepherd: "Huh? I don't have one."

CMCs: GASP!

Applebloom: "Ya mean... ya don't have one?"

Scootaloo: "At all?!"

Sweetie Belle: "Not even a little one?"

Shepherd: "Nope. Humans don't have cutie marks. Never have."

Applebloom: "So that means..."

CMCs: "YER A CUTIE MARK CRUSADER!"

Shepherd: "No I'm not. I don't want a cutie mark, girls."

Applebloom: "Wha... You don't?!"

Shepherd: "Nope."

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Shepherd is just chilling out in between jobs when Rainbow Dash crashes right in front of him.

Shepherd: "Holy crap! Dash, you okay?"

Dash: "Urgh... I'm fine! Takes more than that to really hurt me!"

She struggles a bit, and winces as she takes a step.

Dash: "Nngh!"

Shepherd: "You look like you're hurt."

Dash: "I am not hurt! Hrgh!"

Shepherd: *sighs, grabs her and checks her hoof* "Hang on... Okay. It doesn't feel broken, just bruised."

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Dash: "SHEPHERD!"

Shepherd: "BWAH! Dash?!"

Dash: "Why the heck aren't you paying more attention to me, huh?! I mean, you're my coltfriend!"

Shepherd: "I'm... Sorry?"

Dash: "You sure are! A sorry excuse for a coltfriend! My coltfriend needs to be attentive and awesome! I do so many awesome things to show off to you and you don't appreciate it! So if you're not going to appreciate me for how amazing I am, I'll go date somepony else!"

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Shepherd was doing some financial stuff at his kitchen table, when the doorbell rang. He got up and walked up to it, and opened it. There was Pinkie Pie, with... Several gray ponies.

Pinkie: "Hi Shepherd! My family is in town, and they wanted to meet you! This is my dad Igneous Rock Pie, my mom Cloudy Quartz Pie, and my sisters Limestone and Marble Pie!"

She grins happily, while her family remains very stoic.

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At last, the day of the Eeeevil Imperial Wedding has arrived! Shepherd is in big, bulky, "impressive" looking evil wedding armor. He is standing at the Eeeevil Altar erected in the Palace Courtyard, Discord waiting as the 'minister' and Cadence is sitting nearby as Mare of Honor. Chewie is "Best Stallion", and standing with a large bowtie as he growls, while Spike is the ringbearer, again.

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S.M.I.L.E.-3586: "The Human"

Item Number: 3586

Object Class: Euclid Keter, pending reclassification to Thaumiel

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Shepherd took the revelation that Doctor Whooves and Ditzy had a time travelling, dimension-hopping muffin-shaped TARDIS quite well.

Shepherd: "HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE PUS SPEWING FUCK-!"

But after he was able to compose himself, breathing into a paper bag in the main control room of the Muffin...

Doctor: "Now now, everything is all right!"

Shepherd: "So... You think you can get me home?"

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The Dark Emperor Shepherd was sitting on the throne, giving Applejack a very thorough and pleasing bellyrub, while Raven Quill ran him through his itinerary.

Raven: "And after the press interview, you will give your State of Equestria speech to Parliament."

Shepherd: "Wait, I have to make a speech?"

Raven: "Of course. The Princesses were meant to give the same speech, but since you are in power, you must do it."

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One human and a few ponies had thwarted Chrysalis' brilliant (In her mind) scheme to take over Equestria and get an everlasting source of love. It was infuriating that a weak creature with no magic at all could be instrumental in defeating her!

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