Oh Grow Up, Dash Oh-Seven
“There are very few deer who are blessed to receive the bounty that you are getting, Rainbow Dash,” Duchess Arcanista said. She turned around and trotted across the warehouse with a silk bag before laying it down on a table full of supplies. “Nevertheless, when I spoke with the King and Queen, they emptied these from the royal storehouse without a moment's hesitation.”
She unwrapped the silk bag, revealing what appeared to be three columns of dark-gray wafers. There must have been approximately thirty-six bite-sized pieces total—or at least two bite-sized.
“They are called Heaven Slices,” Arcanista explained. “And they are constructed through carefully guarded magic spells, the likes of which Val Roan scholars have honed and perfected throughout the last eight centuries.”
“Awesome.” Rainbow nodded from where she hovered across the table. “What are they made of?”
“It's... difficult to explain,” the Duchess said, fidgeting slightly. “They aren't baked and they aren't cooked. They're processed through multiple, multiple transfusions of magic. But, if you must know, they were extracted from various reserves of corn, bread, and beans. They're unbelievably rich with carbohydrates, fiber, protein—”
Rainbow Dash flashed Arcanista a glaring look. “Protein?”
Arcanista smiled gently. “Soy, Rainbow Dash,” she said. “Meat has not been known to survive the transfusion process.”
“I'm guessing a lot of magic went into this magic food, huh?”
“About five years per slice.”
Rainbow's ears folded. “Dang...” She gulped, glancing down at the morsels once more. “So, like, what's the big deal?”
“They're designed to contain significant amounts of nourishment in decidedly small servings,” Arcanista explained. “Through careful arcane spells, the material is compressed and preserved. Once introduced to a consumer's body, the food can provide enough energy to last the eater for two days. Their chief purpose throughout the last thousand years has been to sustain soul sentries on patrol in the wilderness. But, as you can imagine, with the false Saikano accelerating the soul sentry induction, an alternate form of sustenance had to have been utilized.” She gestured at the wafers once again. “These are extremely rare in supply. They stay guarded deep in the royal warehouses and are distributed on very seldom occasions.”
“Lucky me, I guess.” Rainbow reached out and lifted a few of them in her hoof. “So... if I eat one of these...”
“It could keep you from feeling hungry for two days in the Grand Choke,” Arcanista said. “Maybe three. As wonderful as these slices may seem, Rainbow Dash, I would advise you to exercise restraint and limit your intake so that you might make the best of your journey.”
“Yeah. I got that part,” Rainbow said, nodding. “What if—like—I said 'buck it' and ate more than one at a time? Just for the heck of it?”
Arcanista calmly said, “Your nervous system would overload and you would die of heart failure.”
Rainbow blinked, immediately dropping the wafers back. “Right. Got it.”
“Careful...” Arcanista delicately scooped the slices back together. “If you so much as crack one of them, they'll lose their potency.”
“Which means...?”
“The magic will leak out into the open air, and the morsel will be as nourishing as a piece of burnt toast.”
“Guess that's going deep inside the saddelbag,” Rainbow said. “What are these things called again?”
“Heaven Slices. An ancient Val Roan delicacy.”
“Heh...” Rainbow smirked. “I guess 'lambucks bread' was taken.” She cocked her head to the side. “And what about staying hydrated?”
Arcanista nodded. She trotted back to a supply shelf and came back with a clear glass tube filled with a bubbling liquid.
“Seltzer water?” Rainbow asked.
“Not quite,” Arcanista said. “It's a magical elixir called 'Nebulum.' Unlike the Heaven Slices, Nebulum can't be so easily contained. What's more, it's not swallowed... but rather it's inhaled.”
“For real?”
Arcanista turned the cylinder over in her hooves. She pointed out at a black-cap at the end with a turndial and a swivel-lid apparatus. “You hold this piece under your muzzle, then rotate the dial one full turn, all the while inhaling.” She gestured. “The vapor enters your lungs, then gets magically absorbed into your body, hydrating you.”
“I'm guessing this is also something I could overdose on if I'm not friggin' careful.”
“Right.” Arcanista nodded. “But it's not quite as potent as the Heaven Slices, which is why you'll be encouraged to carry two cylinders.” She placed the container down on the table. “On top of a regular bottle of canteen. Though you may not be eating or drinking with the aid of water, you'll surely need some for the trip through the desert.”
“Well, as much as I can carry.” Rainbow looked across the table. “I see the King and Queen have supplied me with blankets, wool, a hatchet—good; I've been needing another one of those.”
“Although there's been no record of vegetation in the Grand Choke, there's no telling what... or who you would be having to defend yourself against,” Arcanista said.
Rainbow gave her a double-take. “You mean... there are ponies out there?”
“Deer, most likely.”
“You're pulling my tail...”
“There's no guaranteeing that any of them are alive, Rainbow.” Arcanista bit her lip. Then, with a sigh, the elk ultimately said, “It's... not something that Val Roans enjoy speaking of. I, myself, am far more accustomed to life in Bountiful, so it's doubly strange to me—”
“What is?”
“There's a custom,” Arcanista said. “A funeral rite, I suppose. Many veteran soldiers and Soul Sentries of the Val Roan Defense Force make what's called a 'Final March.'”
Rainbow blinked. “Out into the Grand Choke?”
“It's meant to be an act of pride and defiance,” Arcanista explained. “These old soldiers—at the end of their lives—are ready to show that they have no fear left, and they are ready to meet God. So, typically, they start out from Shepherd's Rock, say parting words with their families, then begin their lonesome trot east. When they finally feel their death coming, they lay their shields behind them and then face the desert, so that they're always on guard for the kingdom... even well into eternity.”
“No kidding...” Rainbow exhaled. “That's kind of cool, in a depressingly creepy way.”
“Several don't make it past a mile into the Grand Choke,” Arcanista said. “It's not uncommon for Val Roan citizens to go out and tend to the first line of bodies, keeping them in as pristine a condition as is manageable. When I was very young, my father took Floyd and I to pay our respects. I could... never get over how well-preserved the soldiers appeared to be. And yet, in some way, I can understand the gesture of pride and loyalty.”
“Well, I'm not going out there to die,” Rainbow said. “Still, thanks for the heads up. That would be a very strange thing to run into if I wasn't prepared for it.”
“You're quite welcome.”
Rainbow looked across the table between them. She pointed at a round diode, surrounded by several slender rods in a straight line. “What's this thingy?”
Arcanista smiled. “Give it a press.”
“Give what a press?”
“The button, in the very center.”
Rainbow Dash did just that. Cl-Clakka! The rods magically expanded, forming a pony-sized rectangular frame. “Whoah! Jeez!”
“Wonderfully quick, isn't it?” Arcanista remarked.
“Just what the heck is it?” Rainbow glanced at the diode that now rested along the inner frame.
“You should be able to stretch some of your blankets around it,” Arcanista said. “The material is quite durable, and should be able to give you proper shade in the brightest daylight... not to mention protection from the elements.”
“Like... a sandstorm?”
“Precisely.” Arcanista nodded. “You almost sound like you've crossed a desert before.”
“I have,” Rainbow muttered, pressing the diode again. Sure enough, the apparatus collapsed, although much slower than it expanded. “And I would have given anything to have had an instant-tent-machine like this thingy.”
“Granted, it's quite small,” Arcanista said. “But it should do the trick.”
“Well, it should. But will it?” Rainbow looked up at the elk. “What... what are the odds that this... all of this...” Rainbow gestured at everything on the table. “The Nebulum and the Heaven Slices included... what assurance do I have that they'll still work for me?” Rainbow bit her lip. “I mean... y'know... it's the Grand Choke. Could all of this magic stuff still survive the trip?”
Arcanista's eyes fell to the floor. After a somber breath, she said, “There's no easy way to tell, Rainbow Dash. We would hope that the magic inside the sustenance—at least—is well preserved enough to last you at least halfway. But, there's no denying the fact that at some point or another the Grand Choke will dissolve the enchantment from the inside out. Nothing can change how perilous this journey will be for you.”
“Chrysalis certainly made me understand that,” the pegasus said, nodding. “But, a little bit of everything is certainly a heck of a lot better than nothing.”
“Also, for what it's worth, the metal frame is manually operational as well.” Arcanista shuddered. “I... I just wish I could make things easier for you. After all, you've done so much for me, the House of Sehlp, Floydien...” Her eyes grew a bit misty. “...for this entire kingdom, Rainbow Dash. Do you have any idea...?”
“Hey...” Rainbow drifted over, resting a hoof on the elk's shoulder. “You pointed the Noble Jury in the right direction, and if it weren't for you, we'd still be under Chrysalis' hoof right now. So... spread the love around a bit, will ya?”
“Yes...” Arcanista exhaled. “Yes, indeed.” She blinked, then smiled. “And I think I know how and where to start.”
Rainbow blinked curiously.
But Arcanista was already trotting back to the far edge of the warehouse. When she came back, she was smiling. “You don't necessarily have me to thank for this. As a matter of fact, it was Mamunia and Jet who came up with the idea. They... th-they put their seamstress skills to good use, and they did the best that they could to restore it from its wear and tear. All in all, I believe we can all thank God that you had left it in the stagecoach at Plaza Topaz—and not in the Noble Jury—when the moment of truth arrived.”
“Huh?” Rainbow Dash blinked curiously. Her breath left her as her eyes reflected royal velvets of midnight blue. “Ah... right...” She smiled gently, taking the familiar satchel from Arcanista's grasp. “...so we meet again.”
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Lembas bread. Lord of the Rings reference. Apparently, pegasi aren't as hardy as Hobbits when it comes to binge eating. That, or Elven magic is superior.
Huh...I guess these must be kindasorta like-
...Yeah, pretty much what I was thinking.
Welp, there goes the theory of that happening.
Oh...I remember that. That wasn't exactly a fun time.
"Hello, old friend. Ready to go out on another adventure?"
So...when's Rainbow going to talk to Luna? This has got to happen sooner rather than later. After all, she's probably not going to be able to talk to her ever again...
I was hoping she still had something of Equestria to keep with her. She already lost Apple Bloom's photo album and Scoot's goggles.
Forty side-straddle hops, ):(. Knock 'em out!
Aw, c'mon. You at least could've let us make that joke ourselves.
*pouts*
Oh well. Convenient supplies are convenient, but necessary. I'd actually forgotten about Rainbow's satchel. I guess I assumed she'd lost it somewhere along the way.
I almost feel as though this is a blatant falsehood on her part just to shut Rainbow Dash up. As kind as she is, Arcanista is certainly no-nonsense. She is the Whitemane of the second quarter of this adventure.
Necroneighncers. Calling it now.
There's gonna be necromancy a
foothoof.Forty-six chapters to go. I wonder if we'll be spending all those remaining chapters about Rainbow preparing to continue her journey flying east. :/
Heh, the puns this fandom makes get a kick outta me.
Tents are very good to have in the desert. Why?
vixenvillain.files.wordpress.com/2013/09/sand.jpeg
Because of the damn sand.
I feel like someone probably made this joke with the first desert
5630641
Wait, when did she lose the goggles?
5630730 Not counting the flashbacks of Eljunbyro, I don't remember seeing them since Austraeoh. Personally, I'd assumed she lost them somewhere between losing to Axan in Sivadel and being released from captivity in Ledomare.
Oh come on. Dash Oh Seven? Tis a silly name. Why not Double-Oh Dash?
Also I was expecting handheld party cannons and collapsible candycopters.
So... Sensu beans.
Arcanista is doing her best to guide Dash through this stuff because, hello Q, always leaving yourself a plan of escape, is Not an option.
All this stuff, and no time to put it to proper use.
Then again, the Delta Surf Foil is Highly experimental.
5630702 I suspect some off them will be the journey itself. Creepy Choke things would make for great cliffhanger material.
5630678
Or she turns into a Draconequss.
5630641
5630765
I thought those were in the bag. The same one that she just got back.
Honestly though, if I were her, I'd leave the book of memories with Belle. It's just gonna encumber Dash, and be yet another thing for her to protect, while providing no real functional value (and barely any sentimental; she hasn't even looked in it in ages). Belle is actually in a good position to cherish it (since she sequenced with Dash), and Pilate can use it to pass on Dash's journey. The entire Jury could use it as a memento to remember her by.
Hell, I could see Belle and Pialte writing a book about Dash, using the Green Book of Memories™ as reference material and source imagery, getting it published, and sending a copy back to Durandana and Equestria for replication.
It'll be a six book series. And it'll become the Holy Bible of the light side of the world. Dash's name will sweep the known lands, and soon all dwellers of the Harmonic realm will mourn her Eternal Journey to the Dark Side as a pilgrimage of finality, of her sacrifice for the sins of their ancestors. Thus, a new religion will be born:
A U S T R A E O H I S M
In time, faith in the Equestrian Diarchy will slowly fade out of relevance as Austraeohism becomes the world religion, slowly overtaking Sparkism, Nagu'ni, and whatever apparently-not-Christian thing the Val Roans believe (Ponkyism? Idfk). There'll be several sects and offshoots, including that of the Durandanans, who will pioneer a Valkyrie-centric interpretation of the Austraeoh mythology. Eventually Durandana will become a holy seat of power, the Vatican of Austraeohism, and it will be from there that Fawful and her bride Rayvinne will establish a New World Order.
Then, in like 5400 AD, after the Earth has been bathed in nuclear fire and hit by like 20 asteroids, some gullible but enterprising adventurer-cum-pseudoarchaeologist will stumble across some idiot brony's physical 12-book reprint of this series (probably mine), and, believing the legends foretold within are real, use it as the foundation upon which to establish a new religion:
E Q U I N E I D E A L I S M
In no time at all, it will become central to human spirituality in the Age of Reconstruction, and post-Collapse civilization will rise once again as humanity begins to celebrate the ascendancy, tragedy, and sacrifice of the Austraeoh and her journey eastward. Every rainbow in the sky, every strange underground cavern filled with Pre-Collapse machinery, and every imprint of Dash's face in burnt pieces of toast will be interpreted as signs of the Austraeoh guiding humanity towards the restoration of their civilization.
Statues of Rainbow Dash and her stalwart Jurist allies will be raised in every temple in every Reconstruction city and nation. Modern civilizations will build upon the principles established by the nations illustrated within the books of Equine Idealism, with Val Roa Deux will become the powerhouse of Earth's rebuilt economy. Neue Equestria will remain the Holy City of Equine Idealism, due to it being the location of the dilapidated home within which the Holy Texts of Austraeoh was discovered. People will travel across the world on dangerous pilgrimages to pay their respects to Swan Song, the Keeper of the Horsetexts (and Horsetext Accessories).
However, once flight and sailing are reinvented, and humanity realizes that the world is, in fact, a globe and not a ring, there will be an Age of Doubt, where the world's greatest religion is challenged. This will cause a schism across the world, as the skeptical half who had doubted the foundation of Equine Idealism begin to butt heads with the intensely devout adherents who have found peace and happiness through it. Human archaeology will be entirely refocused on scouring the world in search of more hints of the Austraeoh's journey.
It is then that the old Pre-Collapse ruin of Hasbro HQ will be rediscovered, which will reawaken the dormant Hasbro AI (or "HAI"), which is basically just a box on treads with the Hasbro logo on it. It'll roll out and confront the humans of Post-Collapse Civilization, beginning a conversation. They will explain their affiliation to Equine Idealism, upon which HAI, realizing that various figures within the mythology bear a striking resemblance to several trademarks within the Hasbro library (including RAINBOW DASH™, SCOOTALO™ and APPLEJACK™), will immediately file a Cease and Desist against all adherents of the religion.
Skeptics of Equine Idealism will immediately comply with the C&D, seeing the discovery of Hasbro HQ as proof that the Austraeoh's journey was a work of fiction, and that whatever idiot had discovered the book and purported it to be truth was just some dumbass hoping to be the center of attention. On the other hand, adherents to Equine Idealism will remember the peace and prosperity and happiness that the religion had brought to them, and defiantly refuse to comply with the C&D.
Eventualy the conflict will infest all levels of society--all the nations of the world will declare their allegiances towards either faction, and these two factions will butt heads continually, eventually causing the tension to escalate into open, armed hostility. However, HAI, which cannot distinguish between the various factions of the New World, will launch an all-out assault on all of humanity using its massive army of robotic infantry (appropriately named the Hasbro Legal Team™).
Thus begins the First World War of Post-Collapse Earth.
DON'T YOU SEE, IC? You should, if your name says anything about you. But clearly IC does not C that he could be the catalyst of this entire series of epic events if he would just fucking make Rainbow Dash leave the book of memories with Belle and Pilate.
UGH. Fine. Fuck all y'all, I quit the fandom.
5631014
TL;DR
5631049
derpicdn.net/img/2014/6/14/652944/large.png
5631058
You're cute when you're mad.
5631014
Delete the. Or add a noun after "central."
So... no new chapter forthcoming to This Game of Mine? I shall cherish this final opportunity to proofread your genius.
I do recall her last sandy encounter going something like this.
Referencing, Ho!
That a Judge Dredd reference I spot? I expect to find Saikano's predeccessor in the Choke, folks.
Yay, the satchel lives! I was worried it'd be gone forever!
Now let's recap what we've done to prepare.
1. Supplies. Just taken care of.
2. Information. Enough to scare the piss out of lesser mortals.
3. Honors and awards. Done and done.
4. Celebratory toast. To stupid plans!
All that's left is an awesome goodbye.
Bring a soundstone, and it can be Cold Canter all over again. And of course, have it get smashed at the most inoppportune moment...
Looking forward to a potential treat for those who miss the old Austraeoh days.
A whole bunch of cool stuff to take with her and the saddlebags are back. Lets get this leg of the journey started.
About to cross The Desert Of Doom?
Better pack some waffles and a hookah.
5631014
If you are getting a physical print of all 12 books I want my own copy.
I bet the dead soldiers are what the changeling drone Red Turnip was referencing, the weird creatures it thinks chrysalis saw. Remember when Rainbow stumbled onto all the crucified ponies in silvadel and it was horrifying? I'm thinking this is gonna be similar. Except chaos Magic will reanimate them and they'll become zombies that make the Smooze look cute and cudly in comparison.
5631014 this is amazing.
5631014 u so cray, swannie. But thats ok, we still love you.
Old soldiers march at deaths door
Painfully lucid of the end
Laughing at oblivion
Stalward In their duty forevermore.
The idea of them standing guard forever has a romantic feel to it.
We got all we could get out of Val Roa. It's time to say goodbye.
vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/dragonball/images/6/6e/YajirobeSenzu.png
Go East already, horse!
...
Zombie deer?!
Reads like Arthurian legend to me. Those heroes were also always laden with a crapton of magical gizmos.
5630730 Doesn't matter. They did nothing anyway.
5631014
I like it
So Val Roan soldiers are Grey Wardens. Neat.
5631014
See, this is why you're awesome. Like, I legitimately want this to happen (and not just because I'd be the High Priestess of Austraeohism).
5631988
img3.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20140522191448/rwby/images/thumb/0/0d/Time_to_Say_Goodbye_from_RWBY,_Vol._2_(feat._Casey_Lee_Will.jpg/500px-Time_to_Say_Goodbye_from_RWBY,_Vol._2_(feat._Casey_Lee_Will.jpg
5632515 And now I'm sad again.
5630765
5630730
Belle had the saddlebag for most of Innavedr, and the goggles (along with the album) were in it.
Another quote from when Nightshade was feeding Belle a false reality:
Lambas bread by another name
check
diluted water from the fountain of youth?
check
sand....shield? tent? umbrella?
yea, goin with umbrella
check
the thing everyones been freaking out about? (saddlebags, goggles, and a little green book)
check
mandatory "don't push that button, Bond"
che-....
wait, nevermind
no check
5631014 going crazy and writing a story in the comments?
(bonus) check
solodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashsolodashSQUEEEEE
And then the saddlebags are frozen inside a solid block of dragon ice and forever lost.
5631014 Dash is love. Dash is life.
Gather dear children, gather and dance, dance as I tell you of the great Rainbow Dash...
oh, nvrmnd, found the bags
I pretty sure she left the book somewhere
The satchel exists still! And Dash has sustenance. That's wonderful. But will it last?
-Spirit
5631014
Finally,
Austraeoh theories are reaching into reality as we know it. No hypothetical situation will go unscrutinized.
I hope she still has Scootaloo's goggles
5631014 I clap slowly, humbled by your grasp of temporal matters as well as your humble devotion to the sacred Horseword Texts. I can only hope the loyal Equuists find the strength to bathe the post-collapse world in violent, red rivers of love and tolerance.
I have been wondering about that satchel since Urohingr. Finally, it makes an appearance. But I hardly remember Rainbow wearing it. Like, at all. Unless I missed it, then the last time I remember it being mentioned was when that changeling transformed into Rainbow in the Sentinel.
ah yes, the lunar silk saddlebag/satchel.