Heyyah! I'll be submitting FIM stories from time to time. Probably ones that would make even Pinkie Pie cry... Enjoy! :)
After countless sleepless nights of nothing on the Mind but Feather Weight and his constant distractions by a Certain new slinging hero on the block, Diamond Tiara gives in to some sidetracking thoughts of her own, and fulfill what ever it was her mind had in... well.... mind. Twilight Sparkle being the only Pony she knows to carry Vengence out like dumplings.
Tumblr-Verse invasions, Random Background Acts of Pinkie Pie, Web Walls, and mind boggles abound.
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Alright. Having read both chapters, while this story has a lot of fantastic ideas at work, it needs to undergo extensive editing. Once I actually visualized Diamond Tiara's situation, I adored the monologue she had going on in her head but I had to re-read the first half of the chapter about 3 times to be able to picture what was going on and even then, the entire situation lacks any sort of background or context so it was still pretty confusing.
The second chapter I couldn't even make heads or tails of. You seem to referring to a lot of pre-established events but a lot of them are left unexplained within the context of how they relate to this story. In addition, there are a lot of inappropriately capitalized words such as Science or Baby Dragon.
I love a lot of the ideas you seem to be building up (Believe me, I've been waiting for a good Spider-Colt story since I came into this fandom) but before progressing forward you may want to retool and polish what you've put out so far.
876801
O///O Oh boy... even through your Great (And that isn't an understatement; thank you SOOOOO much for the comment) I'm blushing... Well played! ^^
Thank you so much for your thoughts on the Story so far! Spider Mane (Or Colt, of course) Having a few pics as inspiration around DA and other amazing image sources...
Regarding the Faults... all understandable... there were a few puzzling times I had while writing the story in it's entirety... my classes had Daily Time Constraints, and there were a few times when I had trouble trying to figure out exactly how things were put down, interpreted, even in my own eyes, or related to the original story Ideas I'd had.... Some of which coming out nicely (Well as nicely as Garbage is ABLE to reek)... It probably would have been better to write in a more relaxed environment... Next time I'll keep it in mind of course!
This story was a little out of my comfort Zone... some of my stupid humour still attempted to be crammed in there, but now working out as Well as I'd hoped, but all in all, I suppose it's a good lesson for it all... Timing, Dialogue amoung other things need tuning up as if it were a car ran on Equestrian Air... impossible, yet try able up until a point of self realization that it isn't to be...
Chapter 3 will be up by the time this comment is posted. Again, Thank you with all my heart.... as my first non spam commentor I salute you with every fraction of my love that exists. -///////-